you deserve a treat

anonymous asked:

Numbers 27 + 32 with Jungkook (angst)

27. “You just broke the last bit of trust I had in you.”
32. “Hit me!” with Jungkook

Three chances, you gave him. Three times. Three fucking times you told him it was over. Told him that you didn’t need to put up with his bullshit. Told him that you didn’t deserve to be with someone who treated you so unfairly. And yet, each time, he would pull you into his arms. He would cry. He would apologize over and over. He would tell you he would change his ways, and that he won’t make the same mistakes ever again. He would make empty promises about keeping you happy and never wronging you again.

You came into the party, busting through the door, nobody even sparing you a glance because of how crowded the house was. A simple, oblivious text from Jimin, asking you why you didn’t tag along with Jungkook gave you all you needed to know.

You weren’t upset about him going to parties, hanging out with friends, getting shitfaced, even smoking fucking weed for goodness sake. You just didn’t get why he kept so many things from you. If you hated one thing the most, it was being lied to, and Jungkook seemed to have it in his genes. Always keeping something hidden, never managing to completely open up. You knew that was the case when you first met him, and when you first started dating, you knew that it would take a while for him to completely open up.

But you were getting fed up now. This wasn’t about him being closed up or having personal problems. This was just Jungkook being a complete asshole and not thinking about the actions of his stupid, useless actions.

However, you didn’t expect it to come to this extreme. When you saw his lips on hers, and then they parted after a few seconds with hoots and hollers from the crowd surrounding them. The fucking smile that graced his lips, as if he were fucking smug about what he just did. You really didn’t know whether to scream in rage or sob with distress, so you just stood there with your mouth agape in disbelief.

“__!” You didn’t know who called out your name, you didn’t really know anything at the moment, but you did know that it was a panicked look that came across your boyfriend’s face as his eyes searched for your figure. It didn’t take long for them to meet yours, and from your posture, he knew you saw it.

“Babe-”

You didn’t even bother anymore. You just couldn’t fucking bother, why should you?

The music was still playing but almost everyone around you was quiet, looking intently to see what happens now as if it were the fucking apocalypse. But you weren’t about to give that to them, simply turning around with a blank look on your face as you made your way straight to the door.

“Shit..” You heard him say right before you exited the door.

You were already halfway down the street when you heard him calling your name.

“__! __! Wait..”

You kept walking.

“__,” he said your name one last time before you felt him grip your arm and turn you around to face him abruptly. You flinched and shook his arm away aggressively.

“Don’t touch me!” You yelled, your voice sounding loud in the quiet night.

“__, please, just-” He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m drunk, we were smoking just five minutes ago. They were all cheering and yelling for me to just do it. It meant nothing, baby, you know that.”

You didn’t even realize that tears, without your consent, had started streaming down your face freely. His eyes filled with even more regret at the sight of you in tears, and he lifted a hand to wipe them away, but you only flinched once again and stepped further back.

“I said don’t touch me!” You sobbed, wiping hastily at the tears, but only more seemed to come down, so you just gave up and let them be. “You love me. Jungkook?” Your voice was suddenly quiet, and you sniffled. “Do you love me?”

“I do, I fucking do,” he answered quickly, stepping forward. You took another step back.

“Do you even know what love is?” You asked. “It means you’ll do anything to make that person happy, anything. It means you won’t hurt them, and if happen to actually hurt them, it’ll hurt you ten times as fucking much. It means you actually make a fucking effort to keep the promises you made, because if you don’t, you lose the trust you’re supposed to share. But what do you do, Jungkook? You do the exact opposite.”

He gulped, not saying a word.

“I don’t deserve this. I’m not a saint, but I just know I don’t deserve this because this is fucking torture and I’m so tired,” you sobbed out. He stepped forward. You stepped back. “You just broke the last bit of trust I had in you.”

“__, don’t.” His eyes were pleading. “Don’t say that. Slap me! Punch me! Hit me!” He yelled desperately. “Do anything, just don’t say that I don’t love you.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Your voice was calm in contrast to his. “I’m done waiting for you to prove. I thought you would, eventually, but it’s too late now. At least I’ve done my part and showed you that I love you. My only mistake was thinking you could actually do the same for me.”

Thank you for making me realize things. Thank you for telling me that i deserve someone better. And that someone better is not you. That someone better won’t leave me and will never give up on me. You were actually right for telling me that i don’t deserve you. Thank you for walking out in my life because someone will walk into my life to fill the space that you left. Thank you for hurting me, i wouldn’t know what it feels like to be alive and die at the same time and i guess that made me so much stronger. Thank you for making me realize that i don’t need someone like you in my life, someone who makes me question my worth, someone who always makes me feel an option, someone who makes me feel that i am hard to love, thank you for treating me these things, i realized that i deserve more. And that you can’t give me the love i deserve. Thank you for giving me the chance to find the right one and that is not you.
—  Thank you for leaving me..

anonymous asked:

This is closeted bi girl you just answered (homophobic dad indenile prob) and I just want to thank you so much man:) you made me feel a little better and helped me realize and remind myself again that I'm not unnatural or wrong or even a defect, it can be so hard to make yourself confirm that you are a valid and not a defective human sometimes, and it really helps when someone else tells you you're not crazy for being bi and you deserve to be treated normally, not as a freak of nature.Thanks

You’re welcome. That’s what we’re here for :)

Maddie

Your sexuality isn’t a fucking threat to minors, okay? Since staff is deciding to be a total asshole to the LGBTQIA+ community during pride month I’m gonna spit some facts to set things straight

- “gay” and “lesbian” are sexual identities, do not reduce their meaning to a fucking porn tag. It’s dehumanizing and fetishizing

- being anything other than straight does not automatically make things nsfw

- your existence is not “sensitive content” and is not inherently dangerous

- there is absolutely no reason Tumblr needs to worry about “protecting” minors from gays especially when a lot of the content they are censoring are helpful, supportive posts for LBGTQIA+ youth

I’m so sorry that staff is literally censoring our entire community out of existence. Your sexuality is real and valid and you deserve better than to be treated like this

Reminder: It’s okay to break off toxic friendships. It’s okay to break off toxic relationships. You have to do what’s best for you, and can’t always worry about hurting the other person. You don’t deserve to be belittled, you don’t deserve to be abused. If you are in a situation that is unhealthy for you, you have the right to get out. Please stay safe, and remember you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect.

Reminder that you do not have to feel bad about not wishing an abusive father happy father’s day. You do not owe them a happy father’s day. Their abuse is and was unjustified and you deserve to maintain the recovery you are fighting so hard for.

(long post, sorry)

In spite of everything I love Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it does not work like that.  Second, she’s not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11” of pure muscle and is not top heavy)

If you want a good Harley backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look like self-harm or is well covered up. 

When Arkham accepts her, fresh from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves, self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru. The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.

After her weekend of freedom she would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous, cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it. She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it when he likes things.

It’s wrong and unprofessional, the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to protect and nurture something so important to him.

When the choice comes between her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question. She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a bun.

Choosing to Respect Yourself

If you feel you don’t really respect yourself then take a quick look at the list below and try to makes some changes in your daily life.

1. Ask yourself: “What does it mean to respect someone?” We have different ideas about the qualities and traits that are worthy of recognition and respect. For example, it could include being honest and reliable, being the kind of person who will listen and be there, or being understanding and trustworthy. Now ask if you have some of these qualities and traits. If so, you deserve to give yourself respect.

2. Treat yourself with kindness and proper respect. Stop and think about the kinds of things you say about yourself (“I’m ugly; I’m a failure; I hate myself; There’s no point in trying as I’m bound to fail”). You’d never say those kinds of things to someone else you loved – so why are you insulting and putting yourself down? Stop treating yourself badly – and start showing respect.

3. When others disrespect you, stand up for yourself. When people are rude, or expect too much of you, don’t feel you have to take it – or there’s nothing you can do. Believe you deserve better and stand up for yourself.

4. Take care of you mental and physical health. Respect that you have limits and can’t do everything. Sometimes you need a break or some time on your own. Also, if you love who you are then you will treat your body well. Don’t treat it like a garbage can and or exercise!

5. Find out who you are. You’re unique – with your own gifts and personality. Don’t copy other people or be a replica. Don’t bury who you are - to get approval or be loved. Be true to yourself and try to follow your own heart.

6

“I think that self-love is really important. And I think it is important to remind yourself that you are deserving of love and respect and to be treated fairly. I have the tendency to run away from people who are good for me. Or who maybe offer me a lot of love and I think it’s because for a long time, I didn’t think I deserved love.”

Happy 27th Birthday, Natasha Negovanlis! (April 3, 1990).

and sweetheart,
i promise you
one day
someone will look at you
and see past all of the things
you think make you unlovable
and they will treat you
the way you deserve to be treated
they will be the kind of friend
you’ve always longed to have
they will hold you
as if you are the most precious thing in the world
(and you are)
and they will love you
in spite of your past
i promise
one day
it will happen

but until that day comes
don’t worry so much
about someone else falling in love with you
and focus on falling in love
with the way your chest rises and falls with life
with the way sunlight travels hundreds of thousands of millions of miles just to bring warmth to your day
with the way listening to your favorite song makes you feel as though you’re hearing it for the first time
with the way the stars have aligned in such a way that has made it possible for your life to intertwine with someone else’s
with the way your infectious smile can bring so much joy to others

instead of worrying
about someone else falling in love with you
just remember that it will happen
and focus on falling in love
with yourself first
—  and i guarantee, you aren’t as unlovable as you think you are
(cc, 2017)