It’s been over 72 hours and…well, I’m still not okay but I’m ready to talk about it cuz if I leave this hanging over my head for the rest of the week, it’ll drive me insane.
So from the top.
This entire episode was practically set up for you to read between the lines.
Already from the start, we see Kunihiro asking many questions, gauging the very expressions of the people he asks, because he’s not sure what he should do.
He needs references and for the swords who have been there longer to guide him.
“I want to save my old master, I want to save Hijikata-san from his fate…but I know that’s wrong. I know it’s wrong to change history but I still want to save him.”
Which is why he brings up so many “what-ifs” throughout the episode. Kunihiro hasn’t done anything yet but he thinks he just might.
So he’s letting the swords within his Unit know that he’s reaching his limit. That the new turn this extended mission has taken (protecting Ryoma from getting caught/killed by the pro-Bakufu forces) is giving him tremendous amounts of doubt and he needs someone to stop him before he does something dangerous.
He needs someone to prevent him from going off to warn Hijikata of what’s to come when he becomes too confused to stick to the right decision.
But most importantly, he needs someone to understand him first. He needs someone to say “I know this is hard for you and it’s okay for you to be sad. It’s okay if you feel you need to save your old master. It’s not wrong to feel that way.” Because mourning their former masters and cursing at the unfairness of it all are the only things these swords are allowed to do. They can’t change history but they can at least express their frustration and sadness over it. They do have that right, at the very least.
And it’s better that they let it all out, too. Bottling those feelings up or setting them aside is never a good thing. Even if you were to complete the mission, the negative emotions will still linger inside and lead you to have regrets about it later. Regrets that can very well come back to consume you.
That’s why Kunihiro needs someone to tell him that. Maybe if he hears those words, things will become a little clearer again and he won’t feel so lost. There will be less guilt on his conscience for not being able to save Hijikata because he made the bigger choice of protecting the future. That he protected the history that Japan and the world needed more.
Kunihiro needs to find a place within himself to store this sense of necessity for the “greater good”…even if it means it’ll tear his heart to pieces because it requires him to trade the master he cherishes so much for that “greater good.”
And the person who’s most suitable to help him is none other than Kane-san, whom he shared the same master with.
Kane-san should know better than anyone what Kunihiro is going through right now and he’s also the one Kunihiro is willing to listen to the most.
But all Kane-san has done was be practical and cold about dealing with it. “Forget about meeting Hijikata, focus on the mission.”
It doesn’t help alleviate Kunihiro’s distress at all.
But that’s not to say Kane-san doesn’t make a lot of very valid points because he does.
With history shifting due to the time-space distortion around that era and their current mission centered primarily on protecting Ryoma, who’s practically surrounded on all sides by people out for his head, they can’t afford to get side-tracked by even the tiniest distraction.
Moreover, Kane-san is right. If he saw Hijikata now as he’s trying to protect Hijikata’s enemy, the person partially responsible for the fall of the Shinsengumi and the hardships his former master will face in the days ahead…how can that possibly be not painful for him? Of course, it would.
Kane-san is pretty much paving the way for Hijikata’s death.
All the more reason why he can’t let himself see Hijikata. Seeing Hijikata is the equivalent to the fact that he, Izuminokami Kanesada, aided in killing the master he holds in such high esteem. And that would surely crush him.
Except it didn’t. In fact, something totally unexpected happened.
Kane-san actually felt happy when Hijikata appeared in front of him.
Yes, it’s still painful because history is still the same. Hijikata will still die. Nothing has changed.
But just being able to see Hijikata’s face, even if it only lasted for an instant, Kane-san has received something akin to a catharsis. That despite Hijikata’s doomed destiny, his master is still the same as he remembered. Still unyielding, still strict and above all, still fearless.
Up until the day of his death, Hijikata will still be Hijikata. Knowing that, Kane-san can now turn his complete attention to the mission at hand. Any misgivings or worries he had before, they’re gone now. He’s going to protect Ryoma, to protect history, at all costs.
However, just because Kane-san was able to clear away his doubts doesn’t mean the same will happen for Kunihiro.
If anything, overhearing what Kane-san said only worsened the condition of his already troubled mind on this matter. Because to Kunihiro, it probably sounded like Kane-san was seriously choosing history over Hijikata.
For Kunihiro, whose love and loyalty to Hijikata is equal to Kane-san’s (maybe even more because technically, he’s been with Hijikata longer), that is perhaps the worst thing to ever occur in his existence. He never thought this would happen, especially right in front of him.
That Kane-san would pick anything over their master, that’s impossible.
How? How can Kane-san make such a decision? How can Kane-san stand up and resume fighting so quickly when Kunihiro is barely holding himself together, trying to convince himself that what he wants is wrong?
So Kunihiro comes out and confesses everything he’s been thinking up to this point. How he almost let the Time Retrograde Army have Ryoma in the hopes that it can alter Hijikata’s fate. How it’s killing him that he can’t even help Hijikata.
They’ve been given these human forms. They can talk, run, fight and do so much more than when they were just swords. And they’ve been sent back to the past where their former masters are still alive.
Yet they can’t even follow what their hearts whisper to them. Because to the world at large, what is right for them is automatically considered wrong.
Do you have any idea just how painful it is to be told that? You care for someone so much and want to save them and have everything in your power and knowledge to save them…but because of one rule, you are forbidden to do anything. You have no choice but to watch them die. Again.
Then where does all those pent up, unfulfilled feelings go? Where do all your regrets, now amplified twofold, go?
This is the pain Kunihiro feels.
Because a sword’s loyalty towards his old master is profound and deep and above it all, it still exists very strongly inside him. It is more than enough to keep him from doing his duty.
And he knows he can’t go on like this or so many people, including his comrades, will get hurt. So he needs to know why and how.
What should he do to help himself overcome this problem?
And Kane-san answers the why alright, but not the how.
He reminds Kunihiro of the person Hijikata is, why that will not work for history and also explains why he chooses to follow the path that is best fit for himself.
Because Kane-san’s overall character is based a lot on the type of person Hijikata was. Kane-san takes after Hijikata in personality and spirit and shares a lot of traits with his former master so it’s no surprise that he will come to this conclusion.
Hijikata dedicated his entire life to his ideology and Kane-san will live his by devoting himself to the mission. That is what is makes sense for Kane-san.
It’s how Kane-san can come to terms with Hijikata’s fate. By steeling his resolve to protect history, he’s honoring the memory of his former master. Emulating Hijikata is how Kane-san shows his loyalty .
But I think what Kane-san fails to realize is that what might work for him will not necessarily work for Kunihiro. Hence, the title “Where Loyalty Leads”…or rather, “Where Loyalty Splits”.
Kane-san thinks he can show his loyalty to Hijikata by adopting a similar perspective towards the goals he has now. But Kunihiro is different. Kunihiro isn’t like Kane-san so he won’t show loyalty the same way as Kane-san does.
Kunihiro is a person who devotes himself to others. He’s the type who wants to do anything he can for those he cares about. That is Kunihiro’s brand of loyalty.
And there is nothing wrong about that.
Yet their job makes it seem like it is and that’s why it’s hurting Kunihiro so much. Not just now but from the very beginning as well. He wants to help people, to answer to who he is inside, but the task to protect history won’t let him. It’s outright denying what Kunihiro is.
So he asks if Kane-san, at the very least, shares the same feeling that he has right now. Does he not also want to save their former master, despite their mission absolutely banning them from interfering with that part of history?
Kunihiro isn’t asking for Kane-san’s permission to save Hijikata or for them to abandon their responsibilities. That’s not what’s going on here.
He just wants to know that he’s not the only one who’s suffering over this. He even asks three times to confirm whether Kane-san would save Hijikata if he wasn’t bound by restrictions set on them by the mission. Because if he doesn’t know that it’s okay to think that, to just have this feeling, he can’t move on.
Wanting to help Hijikata is a very essential, vital part of Kunihiro. Because Hijikata will always be his and Kane-san’s master. That is fact that will never change. It’s only natural that Kunihiro would want to protect him.
If their duty takes that away from him, if he’s not allowed to even find a way to carry this burden of leaving Hijikata to his eventual death with him, then how can Kunihiro dedicate himself to the mission?
Is the mission worth giving up the loyalty he still feels and shows for Hijikata?
This is the how. And he needs Kane-san to tell him how to figure this all out. Not for Kane-san, but for him, Kunihiro.
But Kane-san doesn’t give him an answer. He probably thinks agreeing will give Kunihiro the incentive to act and for the sake of the mission, he can’t let that happen.
In regards to their job, Kane-san’s decision is correct. He’s right to be cautious, especially when Kunihiro has mentioned multiple times of wanting to see Hijikata. If he were to say “Yes, I also want to save our old master”, it’s possible Kunihiro will take that as a go ahead to do just that. Kane-san is wary of Kunihiro’s impulses and he sees it as his job as captain of this unit to rein him in.
So Kane-san just stays silent before telling Kunihiro to focus on the mission, nothing more.
Which is probably one of the worst and quite frankly, dumbest ways he could’ve dealt with this situation.
Because it’ll drive Kunihiro into more misery. It would almost have the same effect if Kane-san were to deny that he also wants to save Hijikata.
Not only does Kane-san further solidify Kunihiro’s fears that he’s given up on their old master …not only does he not provide a solution or help Kunihiro come to terms with his dissatisfaction so that he can move on from this…but he also treats Kunihiro’s feelings as if they are not important.
The way he brushes Kunihiro’s inner struggle aside, turns his back on his partner, and puts the mission before someone who’s begging for his advice, someone from his own unit whom he, as the captain, has the obligation to look out for…it’s so cruel.
I mean, I know it’s not in (Katsugeki’s) Kane-san’s nature to be gentle, especially when it comes to staying on their objective…but it’s not like him to be this cold either. Why can’t he just talk this out with Kunihiro? Why can’t he put himself in Kunihiro’s shoes and just fucking understand how hard this is for his partner? Is he so terrified of “failing” a mission again or so wrapped up in this newfound ego of his that he cannot see how much he’s hurting the one whom he trusts the most? The same person who trusts him, who believes in him, Izuminokami Kanesda, the most?
This is exactly why I labeled their interaction a “reverse parallel”. Because in ep 8, when Kane-san opened his heart and asked Kunihiro for validation, Kunihiro was nothing but incredibly supportive and caring towards Kane-san. But now that Kunihiro is one who needs those things the most, Kane-san won’t even spare him the time. He just walks away from Kunihiro and doesn’t look back. Doesn’t even acknowledge Kunihiro trying to reach out to him one last time before he goes the other way.
To make this whole ordeal even worse, when Kunihiro apologizes under his breath, it leaves so many depressing implications as to what he could possibly mean by that.
I don’t think he’s sorry because he refuses to fight alongside Kane-san this time. I don’t think that at all. Because as Kunihiro said at the end of the episode, there’s nothing he wants more in this world than to fight by Kane-san’s side.
I think his “sorry” meant “I’m sorry that I disappointed you.”
“I’m sorry I’m not strong like you.”
“I’m sorry I failed at being your partner.”
Kunihiro is blaming himself. Which is so very, very wrong. Kunihiro has nothing to be sorry for. Kunihiro hasn’t even done anything yet to deserve this self-loathing. He even stopped himself before he could do anything.
It’s just this mission is asking too much of him before he’s mentally ready. It may be Saniwa’s fault for sending him out too soon (this is his second big mission and he’s still the most recent recruit!). It may be Saniwa’s fault for sending him back to a time where it would obviously cause his loyalties to be divided. And Kane-san won’t escape criticism either for having sensitivity lesser than that of a paper guillotine (this idiot Dx<).
But it certainly isn’t Kunihiro’s fault.
Kunihiro, who from the start, was always afraid of holding everyone back because of his inexperience and tried his best not to be a hindrance. Kunihiro who now finds himself in that very predicament he wanted to avoid but couldn’t climb out by himself and feels ashamed for it.
Kunihiro doesn’t deserve any of this and it just breaks me over and over how he has to deal with it all alone. That he can’t even rely on the one who should be there for him.
Which brings my own fears closer to reality.
With Kane-san pushing him away (again) and his own state of mind confused on what he should do next,
the possibility that Kunihiro might be captured and/or corrupted by the Revisionists has increased.
I still don’t believe Kunihiro will fall into their grasp, though. That or I still believe he’ll do his best to resist the control of the enemy if that happens… but a person can only remain conscious of their actions for so long when they’ve become as emotionally drained as he is now. I’m sorry, I’m so upset over this that I ended up confusing myself. What am I saying anymore?! ;A;
Or maybe it won’t have to be that bad and someone might reach Kunihiro in time before the worst can happen. I doubt it’ll be Kane-san, though. At least not this soon with the split between them still fresh.
Hell, maybe instead of Kane-san, Mucchan will be the one to go after Kunihiro. Since he and Kunihiro seem to get along real well in spite of everything (oh, and I mean everything). Not to mention, Mucchan was present for this whole conversation and he just sort of faded into the background in the middle of it so it’s time he should pop up again because “WTF, YOU TWO, GET BACK HERE AND SORT THINGS OUT! NOTHING IS ALRIGHT LIKE THIS!”
…I just want them to make up asap…and for Kane-san to either apologize or give Kunihiro a hug I know you can do this, ufotable (see SorMik) …I just want them to stop hurting my baby. Is that too much to ask, you bastards? ;_____;
And one last thing. I don’t know how relevant the preview skits are to the actual story but it will never cease to amaze me how Kunihiro is always, ALWAYS thinking of Kane-san.
Even when it’s Kunihiro who’s suffering the most, even when Kane-san is blind to the fact that he’s one of the causes for Kunihiro’s pain, Kunihiro doesn’t hold any ill feelings towards Kane-san. In fact, he worries about KANE-SAN crying and what he can do to help Kane-san while his own heart must be bleeding itself dry.
How does Kane-san not realize he’s hurting the only person to ever give him unconditional love? Who loves Kane-san more than he loves himself?
And why can’t he see that the more distance he creates between him and Kunihiro, the greater the chance he’s going to lose Kunihiro a second time?
Is that what you want, Kane-san?! Do you want to lose Kunihiro AGAIN?! Hurry up and get him back before it’s too late, YOU MISSION-OBSESSED DUMBAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!!
Warnings: mentions of pain torture, jabberjays, mean Capitol
Summary: The Capitol controlled everything, even the hate between you and a certain Finnick Odair. Or so they thought. When you get trapped in the Jabberjays section, you were so sure nothing would affect you. You were terribly wrong.
Word Count: 1678
You wielded your bo before locking it into place on your back. You got separated from Finnick while fighting at the Cornucopia. You had to find Finnick. You were sure that Finnick survived the bloodbath, but you needed to find him as soon as possible. Even though the audience believed that you and Finnick were rivals, you didn’t care. You were getting out of the arena and away from the Capitol, anyway.
Keeping your eyes peeled, you trekked through the jungle environment. So far, there wasn’t anything suspicious. You didn’t dare eat the tempting nuts, go near the lake surrounding the Cornucopia, or shout for Finnick. you played with the bracelet on your wrist, trying to concentrate.
Something moved. You heard the rustle of leaves. You placed your hand on your bo, prepared for anything unexpected.
You stopped in your tracks. That was your mother’s voice. But, your mother was dead. You tilted your head in confusion before resuming your defensive stance.
Your father’s voice. You blinked and shook your head. He was dead, too. You were only in the game for a couple of hours. You knew you weren’t going crazy from sleep deprivation, dehydration, or starvation. You scoffed. The Capitol was trying to play tricks on you. “Not gonna work!” you shouted. “Everyone I care about’s gone,” you stated, walking through the jungle.
“(Y/n)! Help! Please!”
You froze. “Finnick?” you whispered. You shook your head. It couldn’t be him. He was with Katniss, like planned. He couldn’t be anywhere near you. It wasn’t possible.
Your heart crumbled. “Finnick! Finnick! Where are you?” You ripped through the trees. You whipped out your bow. “Finnick!”
“(Y/n)! Help me! Please! (Y/n)!”
Your eyes watered. What was happening to him? Finnick was always so brave. He would never wail like this. Not if something truly horrible was happening. What was the Capitol doing to him? What cruel thing were they doing this time? You had to get to him. You had to help him. You couldn’t go on in this game without him.
“Finnick!” The screams emanated from that area. You spun around. “Finnick!” you cried. “Where are you? Please!”
“(Y/n)! (Y/n)!” Pain was laced throughout his cries. His pleads speared you right through your heart. Where was he?
You pressed your hands to your head. It hurt! It pained you! You took deep breaths. You had to do something. You had to find a way to get to Finnick. Did the Capitol camouflage him somehow? Maybe he was higher in the trees. “Finnick! I’m coming for you!”
You searched the trees.
“(Y/n)! Help me! (Y/n)! Please!”
Your heart pounded against your chest. A weight crushed your lungs. Your head spun in circles. Everything was green. Green. Green. Green.
Black? Something black caught your eyes. No, wait. It was dark blue. “Finnick?”
The spot flew. It flew towards you! The bird opened its beak. “(Y/n)!”
You screamed and ducked down. Finnick’s cries continued to bombard your ears. you sprung back up. This bird. It was the source of Finnick’s cries. It made you scream his name. It made you scared.
You hated it.
Before the wretched bird could scream its awful cry, you slammed your bo against its head. Your breathing was labored. You shut your eyes and looked away. It was only then that you realized what these monsters were. Jabberjays. Experiments of the Capitols trained to repeat what they’ve heard.
They heard Finnick’s screams. They’ve been with Finnick. He was suffering!
A multitude of Finnick’s shrill screams rang through the air again.
You whipped your head around. A flock of birds swooped down from the trees and headed straight towards you.
You did the only thing you could do. You ran. You pumped your legs as hard as you could.
“(Y/n)! Help me!”
You shook your head. His cries sounded so real. You could picture Finnick in pain. You could see him reaching for you. You could see him pleading for you to come. It was too much to bare. You covered your ears. Tears streamed down your face. You kept on running.
You ran straight into a wall. You couldn’t see it. It was like glass. A force field. “No,” you whispered. You punched the force field. Nothing. You took out your bo and hit it. Nothing. You unsheathed your knife and struck the wall once again. Nothing.
The abominations came at you, surrounding you and engulfing you in its storm.
“(Y/n)! Help me! Help!”
You covered your ears and sunk to the ground. Where was Finnick? He had to be in the arena. What monster did they unleash? What torture were they putting him through? How could they be so cruel?
“Stop it!” you pleaded. “Stop hurting him! Please!”
The torture just grew. Finnick’s screams seemed to grow louder. It clanged about in your heart and head. He was somewhere suffering. And you couldn’t get to him. No matter what you did, Finnick would be suffering without you by his side. The screams of your name echoed, sounding so painful.
You didn’t even realize that the birds had fled. A trident had flown through the air and scared off the Jabberjays.
Someone touched your shoulder. “(Y/n)?”
You sprung up and took out your bo. “Get away from me!” you screamed.
You observed your targets. They looked like tributes. Katniss. Peeta. One looked exactly like Finnick.
It was a trick! It had to be. Finnick was somewhere screaming his head off. This thing was just another illusion by the Capitol. This experiment was just going to trick you. Lead you into some sort of trap. Maybe even kill you. You couldn’t have that happen. You needed to find the real Finnick.
The Finnick copy stepped towards you. “Hey, (y/n), it’s ok. You’re safe now.”
You scowled. “That’s what the Capitol wants me to think,” you sneered.
“Hey, we trust each other, don’t we?”
Its voice sounded just like his. It was so soft and gentle and alluring. But you weren’t going to fall for it. “No. We don’t.”
The thing blinked. “(Y/n),” it purred. “It’s me. I’m Finnick.” It stepped towards you.
You held your bo so that the pointed end rested on its chest. “And how the hell do I know that?”
The Katniss fake strung an arrow.
You threatened, “Don’t test me, you mutt.”
“Hey,” Finnick-fake started, bringing your attention back to him. “(Y/n), I’ll prove it to you. I’m real.”
You just stared at him.
It took your silence as a go-ahead. “You won the 67th Hunger Games at the age of fifteen. I was your mentor.” The counterfeit Finnick laughed, pointing at your charm bracelet. “That bracelet’s nice.”
You slightly pushed your bo forward. It wasn’t enough to harm the mutt, but it was enough to warn it. “Anyone could figure that out. The Capitol knows all of that.”
“Ah, but they don’t know one about you.”
“And what is this one thing?”
It smiled ever so slightly. “You told everyone that bracelet was made by Mags. You lied. I gave that promise to you.”
You gulped. You and Finnick had agreed to never tell anyone about the two of you. Before you were reaped, Finnick and you were the best of friends. You jumped forward when his name was called at his Reaping. You were interviewed when the Games was nearing its end. You were the first to congratulate him when he came back home.
The Capitol hated that. The Capitol didn’t like the idea of their District 4 sex symbol being tied down.
All footage of you was cut from the viewings. However, it didn’t stop Finnick from bringing you on camera. He invited you to his house when paparazzi was there. He mentioned you in every interview. He didn’t want to lose you as a best friend.
The Capitol fought back. That’s when you were reaped.
After you won, Finnick and you admitted your love for each other in private. However, the two of you knew it wouldn’t please the Capitol. Not wanting to take the risk, Finnick and you agreed never to be seen on camera together, never mention each other in interviews, never even talk to each other at home. In order to make people believe it, Finnick and you staged an argument that played on television for years. You scheduled secret meetings in different places at different times, successfully keeping the Capitol off your trail.
“We have to stop doing this,” you had muttered once against Finnick’s lips.
“You want to stop kissing?”
You had laughed and stared into his eyes. “Finnick, how is this going to work?”
Finnick had sighed. “We will be together one day. I promise.”
It wasn’t enough proof for you. You had stared at the ground.
“Hey, I got you something.” Finnick had slipped something cool on your wrist.
You had looked at your wrist and smiled sadly. “A charm bracelet?”
“A promise.” He had lifted your hand and gently kissed your knuckles. “I will always love you, (Y/n).”
This mutt was not a mutt. It was Finnick, the one who loved you, the one you loved you. It was your best friend. You dropped your weapon and smiled. “Finnick,” you whispered.
The young man beamed and took you in his arms. He threaded his fingers through your hair. The Victor sighed as relief took over his body. He hadn’t held you so close in so long. With so many cameras around, he never had the chance to.
You hugged him close to you. “I thought- I thought you were… You were screaming for me,” you exasperated. It filled you with joy being back in Finnick’s arms. You smiled widely. you could finally hug him, even if the Capitol was watching.
Finnick chuckled a little before tightening his grip on you. “I missed you. So much.”
You smiled. “Me, too. I missed you, too.”
Hey guys! I had way too much fun with this one…. Sorry if it’s really confusing. One thing led to another and then it became a complicated and convoluted plot.
So! I hope you don’t hate it! Have a great night guys! Hope to talk to you again soon!
Imagine a pocket-sized you petting the damp face of Taehyung as you lay next to him. Both of you were tired, but Taehyung was too scared to fall back asleep so this is where you are.
You slept in your dollhouse that night, but a tap on your roof woke you out of your dream. Rubbing your tired eyes, you sat there wondering if you dreamed it, but there was another tap and a very low shaky whisper of your name from outside. Getting out of bed, you walked over to the window to see who it was. When you saw his state, your heart instantly wanted to cry with him. Trying not to make matters worse for him, you kept yourself from crying and walked outside of your house to ask Taehyung what was wrong. Sitting in his trembling palms, he told you about the terrifying nightmare he had. He told you that in the dream everyone hated him; his family, his fans, the boys and you. The tears that were threatened to fall finally did. Feeling your heart break, you stood up and held your hands up from him to bring you closer. Hugging his nose, you told you loved him. Everyone loved him and that nothing would change.
It took a lot of convincing and telling him you would stay up with him (he apologized a million times for waking you, but you didn’t mind) until he went to bed. You tried everything to get him to sleep. Telling him stories, watching anime, even playing a couple videos games on silent. If Seokjin found you two up this late playing video games, he wouldn’t have been so happy and would’ve given you two a lecture. That’s when you get an idea. Already lying close to his ear with your handkerchief pulled up to your chest, you start to lightly stroke his face and softly sing to him.
“I’m lying on the moon….”
The sigh from him is a sign to you that he’s finally relaxing, but you continue to sing.
“There’s no thing I’d keep from you….”
Stopping, you whisper Taehyung’s name to see if he’s still awake. When you don’t receive a response, you sit up to see that his eyes are shut. Laying back down, you snuggle back into the pillow, pull your blanket up to your chin, and finish the song before you doze off yourself.
“Making sure that I’m okay and we’re a million miles away.”
GOSH GUYS! This is the first time I’ve had this many followers on any blog! I just, you guys are amazing, you stick around even when I am posting ooc crap half the time ^^ <3 but really so far I have had NO TROUBLE playing this muse around this fandom, honestly you were all so welcoming and beautiful when I first started and now I am so glad I am able to call you guys friends! It’s crazy really! People who I never thought I would be able to talk to because of my shy nerdness are good friends and WOW it shows how much things have changed since the very start! Really guys, I just feel so lovely and warm when I am online. I feel ridiculously welcomed every time I am online and you all need to know how much I love you!!