you crazy mean old wizard you

Seriously though, lets take a moment to reflect on the great quotes in The Sisters Grimm series.

Like there’s some pretty funny stuff:

“I mean, if you could have a wizard grant a wish, would you waste it on going to Kansas?”
Michael Buckley

“That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen,“ Puck said.
"How cool will it be when it kills us?” Sabrina asked.
“Considerably less cool,” Puck replied.”
Michael Buckley, The Everafter War

“You ignorant little rodent! This isn’t just an old book. This is the book of Everafter.“
"Sorry, I haven’t read it. I’m waiting for the movie,” Puck said.”
Michael Buckley, The Everafter War

“That’s why crazy people are so dangerous. You think they’re nice until they’re chaining you up in the garage.”
Michael Buckley, The Fairy-Tale Detectives

“I’m going to teach you the art of swordsmanship-or in other words, how to totally kill someone with a sharp, pointy thing.”
Michael Buckley, The Council of Mirrors

“If we have to get married and have a million babies, I hope our relationship will be built on mutual disgust and an endless barrage of ridicule and insults. It feels like the only thing I can count on right now. I don’t want something dumb like respect and affection getting in the way.”
Michael Buckley, The Inside Story

“Puck flapped up to the happy couple. “Wait a minute! You have to ask someone to marry you? No one told me that! I thought you just hit them with a club and dragged them back to your cave!”
Henry put his arm around Sabrina. “You’re officially grounded from ever getting married.”
“Thank you,” Sabrina whispered sincerely.”
Michael Buckley, The Council of Mirrors

But there’s also helpful advice:

“Mirror sighed. “I believe everyone deserves a happily ever after. But I think that happy endings don’t just happen by accident- you can’t wait for one. You have to make them happen.”
Michael Buckley, The Everafter War

“If you want a happy ending you have to go out and take it.”
Michael Buckley, The Everafter War

“Save the people you love, who cares about the rest of the world? - Uncle Jake”
Michael Buckley, The Council of Mirrors

And:

“By the way, you don’t need the makeup.” Puck said.”
Michael Buckley, The Problem Child

Wacky Wizarding Wand Tutorial

So, some of you asked for a step-by-step of my wands, with pictures. I was hesitant at first, because the wands look terrible right up until the very last bit - but I figure, hey - the more people making amazing wands, the better. Makes me seem less weird if other people are doing it - amiright? Also,I didn’t use spell check, my bad!

Got that stuff? ….. I’ll wait. Just keep scrolling once you’re ready!

Woah man, I am allready so far ahead of you. Come on!
Top gem is optional - but if you want one, start with that. All sorts of things can be wand toppers. I once butchered an expensive chandelier to get a single, medium, tear-drop shaped piece of glass that I liked. Use a marble. Use a weird coin. I find a lot of good toppers at dollar stores, for super cheap. Anyways - hot glue that in place, and build up around it with more layers.

This part is important for even the non-gemmers (why are you even here, seriously…. get fancy). SO: the top of the wand is the largest part. You want your wand to end up shaped like an elongated carrot. Yeah, you read that right. Be careful with the glue - its damn hott. One little girl at a festival assumed I was attacked by a dragon while collecting wand supplies - because my hands were so blistered and shiny. Glue guns are serious business.

After you squeeze and plap the glue from the gun, onto the stick - it resembles molten lava. So slowly spin and move around the chopstick in your hand, so that it doesn’t just run everywhere and create new islands on your flesh.When you notice the glue stop moving and attempting to drip - or you can see it start to change from translucent to white - dip your fingers in water, shake them of, and than very lightly run the wand on your fingers. NOW MAD DASH PICK UP THAT PENCIL I MENTIONED. You have the pencil right? WHAT?! THE PENCIL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART - IT WAS LITERALLY SPECIFIED IN MY SECOND SLIDE UP THERE. Is that your long lost fathers pencil, the last thing he gave you before vanishing into the fog, never to be seen again? Wow - that’s really dramatic,  you should write a book but also - DO NOT USE THAT PENCIL. It’s about to get covered in glue, lunatic!

Or in theory you should. I don’t actually know I come from a long line of crafters. My grandma owned a craft shop. I worked there for years as a child - because my family also has a long history of ignoring child labor laws.But I digress; I’ve been painting and sculpting things to look like wood since before I could wipe my own hiney….. I have zero information on how long it’s going to take you to get the technique down. You bought a whole pack of chop sticks, right?

You’ll notice as you pull the pencil through, you drag some glue with you - this is cool. Some of my favorite wands are the super swirly ones. I find that making wood patterns helps if you also make sound effects, like ‘woooo OOOOoooooo aaaaaaahhhhhHHHHHHWwwooooooooo’ - I am sure you know exactly what I mean.

Personally, I always figured that the wands in HP were plain wood because the ministry of magic outlawed fun. I mean - here’s this amazing stick that you bond with for life, and it’s just a stick? Nah wizbro - nah. The wand reflects your personality - and unless you are a stick in the mud, throw some pizazz in there! Put on that ritz! Trip the light fantago! (?). Whatever. Make it nice. Make it you. This is a permanent accessory for a wizard - so you know, dress it up. Doesn’t even have to be beads. I once rolled a chopstick (covered in hot glue) in a patch of moss….. just to see what it would look like. Looked earthy. Sold it for 10$.I sometimes use string and twine - why? Because I can. I once covered a glitter from top to bottom in wand! Wait…. whatever….

Seriously, don’t panic. You’ll be using three colors. Your base should be a mid-tone. The picture up there looks darker than it was. Don’t judge me.Anyways - shlap that on. Depending on the quality of the glue you purchased, you might have to do multiple coats - not all paint likes to stick to all glue. So, either pony up for expensive supplies, or deal with the extra work. It’s cathartic anyhow. It doesn’t even have to be wood colored. I once made a wand that looked like a sunset. I make lots of blue, water looking wands. I have a wand called Mitus Touched Me - that’s pure pink. Nah, it’s gold - I am just messing with you.

RIGHT. So if you didn’t horrendously mess up the glue part - look closely at your wand and you will notice that it’s bumpy as all heck. Immagine it as a landscape - and then paint the rivers and valleys BLACK!!! Or, whatever color is roughly 3 shades darker than your base color. Immediately blend that out with a dry paintbrush. What do you mean ‘how do blend?;- I know you watch those contouring videos on youtube. It’s like your face - apply, blend, repeat. Your brush should be so dry, that the act of blending nearly dry’s the paint. Right?It should be drier than a nuns hat thing on a hot day when it’s not raining.

No, it doesn’t look like wood yet. Please don’t have a panic attack - I can’t be responsible for that. Like, emotionally. Or legally. Don’t sue me.

Unless you did it wrong than I don’t know what to tell you. You probably have to paint the whole thing in your base color and try again. That’s another half hour of your life wasted on this stuff. Do you really need a wand that badly? I sell them for like 10$ - how much is your time worth, REALLY?!

MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

It’s just a good idea all around, okay?

Now just do that 174 times, and you’ll be as good as me! I mean, I have invested hundreds of dollars into this hobby…. not including the cost of vendor booths at festivals and fairs all summer….. and I technically only charge enough to cover the cost of supplies plus like, 4$ an hour for my time. I mean, if I were actually charging what these cost to make at minimum wage, they’d be a minimum of 25$ each - and since my target market is 11 year olds who saved up their allowance….. I don’t think that price would fly!


I mean….

This is what I do for fun…..

move further, and further, in the descent of madness….

Hope you enjoyed my tutorial! If you craft a wacky wizarding wand,  submit some pictures and I’ll post them! <3 Thanks folks!

anonymous asked:

i wonder if there were spells or potions used as condoms

me too anon.

me too.

I personally think they just put birth control potions/spells in all the food hahaha simplest solution.

what with (as far as we know) no sex ed classes, you know things had to get a bit crazy. I mean, are there wizarding STDs? How did they protect against them. In all honesty though I think condoms are a universal thing, for muggles and wizards alike

hopefully the parents had THE TALK with all their little 11 year olds before sending them off to boarding school cause can you imagine the skewed information they’d learn from other students?