you could turn my lights out

this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’
‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’
‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’
‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’
‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’
‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’
‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’
‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’
‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’
‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’
‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’
‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’
‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’
‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’
‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’
‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’
‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’
‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’
‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’
‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’
‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’
‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’
‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’
‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’
‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’
‘  please don’t go.  ’
‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’
‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’
‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’
‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’
‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’
‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’
‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’
‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’
‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’
‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’
‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’
‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’
‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’
‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’
‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’
‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

‘  a thousand empty bottles  &  fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day.  ’
‘  everyone else has moved on,  but i am still here.  ’
‘  everything about you screams danger.  ’
‘  everything is worthless to you  &  you,  in turn,  became worthless.  ’
‘  for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress.  ’
‘  freedom is really hard to get used to.  ’
‘  how could you do this to me?  how fucking could you?  ’
‘  i am becoming everything we always dreamed of  &  i am leaving you behind.  ’
‘  i buried you so well that you might as well have died.  ’
‘  i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead  &  not the monster you became.  ’
‘  i can’t look at you.  not now,  not ever.  ’
‘  i don’t ask how you’ve been.  what’s the point?  you’d lie anyways.  ’
‘  i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest.  ’
‘  i haunted this house first.  there is no room for you here.  ’
‘  i have a right to be upset.  i loved them too, you know.  ’
‘  i just want it to end.  i want it to all go away.  i want to go away.  ’
‘  i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing,  but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous.  ’
‘  i saw your face today  &  didn’t feel anything.  i am free.  ’
‘  i tried to save you,  but you didn’t want to be saved.  you just wanted someone to suffer with you.  ’
‘  it’s almost as if you were never here.  ’
‘  it’s unhealthy to do these things,  you tell me.  you say it’s time to stop smoking,  time to stop gambling,  &  dammit,  i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you.  i sure hope you’re right,  darling.  ’
‘  i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind  ’
‘  i’m not really scared to die.  i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone.  ’
‘  i’m not the person you left behind anymore.  there’s no one here to miss.  ’
‘  i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive.  ’
‘  i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals  &  ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you.  ’
‘  i’ve never been completely satisfied.  i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death.  ’
‘  no motive other than pleasure,  my dear.  ’
‘  one day i’ll go or you will.  either way,  it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself.  ’
‘  our dreams  &  promises decay along with you.  ’
‘  the leaves change,  but nothing else does.  ’
‘  the only difference between avoiding  &  leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you.  ’
‘  there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you.  ’
‘  there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage.  ’
‘  things aren’t going as i hoped.  maybe if i die,  i can start over again?  better luck next time.  ’
‘  this is not something to be proud of.  this is a tragedy.  ’
‘  trying to get rid of me?  oh honey,  you’ll have to try much harder than that.  ’
‘  trying to get under my skin?  you’re nothing more than a pesky itch.  ’
‘  unlike you,  i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger.  ’
‘  weeping is for gods  &  martyrs,  we cannot afford such luxuries.  ’
‘  would you even miss me?  ’
‘  you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart.  ’
‘  you complain nonstop about being unloved  &  alone,  i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true.  ’
‘  you don’t know what it’s like.  ’
‘  you made this so fucking easy for me.  ’
‘  you should see me as a threat.  i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you.  i am a walking threat.  ’
‘  you think i’m already gone,  but i’m still fighting.  ’
‘  you think i’m dead,  but i’m just dying.  ’
‘  you were never an addiction,  you were a fucking disease.  ’
‘  you wouldn’t dare cross me.  i am god  &  you are the soil beneath my feet.  ’
‘  your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity.  ’
‘  your fingers are so cold  &  bruised,  but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference.  ’
‘  your hair is tied in a noose  &  your fingernails are razor blades,  your lips are poison  &  i will gratefully kiss them.  ’
‘  your hatred has a body count  &  we will not forget.  ’
‘  your loss,  not mine.  ’
‘  you’re a sick fuck.  you know that?  ’
‘  you’re not gentle with me  &  i would never ask you to be.  ’
‘  you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore,  it’s a pit.   ’


Good Girls
LANY
Good Girls

Dancing on the line of a dangerous love
You could break me overnight
But there’s no one like us
Insatiably insane
Equally exchanged

Dancing in the light of a canyon sun
Racing every wave
Going North on the one
The promises we make
I still haven’t changed

Baby come back I know my way around your heart
Don’t start thinking
Things have kinda changed
They’re different from what they are
You know better
That nothing is better than what we felt together at home
You can find me
Back in California and sleeping with all the lights on
Won’t you come and turn them out
Come and turn them out (X3)

Making more than love on the West side of town
You could draw a line from the top to the ground
I’m selfless drunk on you
What more could I do

Throw it all away cause you do what you want
You took a little time, let ‘em talk to you too much
Good girls don’t exist
But I expected more than this

Baby come back I know my way around your heart
Don’t start thinking
Things have kinda changed
They’re different from what they are
You know better
That nothing is better than what we felt together at home
You can find me
Back in California and sleeping with all the lights on
Won’t you come and turn them out
Come and turn them out (X3)

Baby come back I know my way around your heart
Don’t start thinking
Things have kinda changed
They’re different from what they are
You know better
That nothing is better than what we felt together at home
You can find me
Back in California and sleeping with all the lights on
Won’t you come and turn them out
Come and turn them out (X4)

I don't speak Spanish either.

So, this happened several years ago. My boyfriend and I had been in a long-distance relationship for a long time, and we would see each other maybe twice a year. This was during one of my month-long visits to him over the summer.

We’d decided we wanted to go to one of the nearby malls, and had to take two separate buses to get there. Him living in SoCal, it was fucking scorching; it was probably around 100F. For a “delicate” NorCal girl like me, that feels like death.

We’d gotten off the first bus and were walking to another stop a couple of blocks down to catch the next one. We’re stopped at a corner of a particularly long street, waiting for the light to change so we can cross, and there’s group of three girls behind us. We’re not paying them much mind at first, until I hear one of them go “No, I don’t want to ask them! I don’t even speak Spanish! How am I supposed to talk to them?”

This is where it’s important to note that my boyfriend and I are both of Salvadorian descent, and therefore pretty obviously brown. However, my Spanish is incredibly poor [that’s a whole different story], and I really hate it when people assume that I don’t speak English. It’s rude. But whatever. I guess it happens. It’s what happens next that ticks me off. An attempted whisper: “Look, just ask the girl. Fat girls are always nice.”

Okay. Fine. Not worth my fucking time. I’m not even gonna say anything because it’s hot and who wants to deal with this shit. But then from behind me I hear, awkwardly, “Perdón?” I turn, and it’s one of the girls–surprisingly, one that also looks latina. She sounded like the one who’d claimed not to speak Spanish.

“Yeah?”

She looked a bit surprised, and relieved that I spoke unaccented English. “We were wondering if you could tell us how to get to _____?” Some location. I was the wrong person to ask.

“Sorry, I’m not from around here. You’ll have to ask him.” I gestured to my boyfriend. Again, I’m from NorCal, so I had no idea where anything was down there.

The girl turned to him hesitantly, asked him, and my boyfriend, being friendly, gave them directions. Turns out it was straight down the long street we were on. The girls took off without even thanking us, and the light changed so we finally crossed the street and waited for us bus.

The bus shows up maybe ten or so minutes later, and we’re relieved to be out of that god-awful San Fernando Valley heat. The bus takes us down the long stretch of road, and I see the girls from before trudging down the sidewalk under the merciless SoCal sun.

“I told them that it was right down the street,” my boyfriend says. “I never told them the bus goes there.”

‘Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’ - (This does not mean what you think it does....)

I haven’t written many original posts recently, but given what has happened today, expect quite a few over the next couple of days.

My first post is about the quote above. I wanted to just let my feelings settle a bit before writing this, but it just happens to be the first thing I noticed.

For those unfamiliar, I wrote a post a couple months ago about Kylo Ren and his motivations. It pretty much sums up what Lucasfilm presented to us in this trailer, as far as where Kylo Ren is, psychologically speaking, at the end of The Force Awakens. I would REALLY recommend reading it in order to understand where I am coming from concerning this post.

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/157962305035/you-know-what-the-really-ironic-thing-is-with-kylo

As many of us suspected, the central theme of ‘The Last Jedi’ seems to be indeed that of finding one’s sense of identity

With the above quote I found myself viewing it in a very different light after watching the trailer a few times.

It’s partially to do with the tone of Kylo’s voice. He’s not angry, not even sad exactly. He almost sounds like he is advising someone. And the language also suggests that, when he talks about ‘what YOU were meant to be’, to me this alludes to the fact that he is either being metaphorical or speaking directly to somebody else.

This is purely my own speculation, but in my mind, he is actually speaking to Rey. This line might have been put in simply for the trailer and doesn’t actually exist in the film, but I think it’s part of a conversation. A conversation while Rey and Kylo are connected through the force? A conversation after Kylo reveals Rey’s past, including what happened to her family? Maybe. These are all possibilities.

But why would I jump to this conclusion? After all, isn’t he simply talking about killing his mother and uncle, after having killed his father?

Originally posted by chatnoirs-baton

Actually, I say no.

And it’s for a very simple, logical reason that has nothing to do with sentimentality (although I, like many of you out there I suspect, did indeed tear up when Kylo’s thumb hovered over that button which, if pushed, would end up killing his mother).

It comes from comparing TFA with this trailer. You have to take into account of what has happened in TFA and how that has changed everyone. I don’t actually think Kylo is repeating himself here, that I believe is misdirect but again I might just be overthinking.

Kylo Ren says in the official trailer for TFA that ‘he will finish what Darth Vader started’.

Originally posted by star-wars-is-life

Throughout Episode VII, Kylo Ren is constantly emulating his grandfather, most likely because he wants to be like him. He cherishes Darth Vader’s crumpled mask like an old relic in a museum and wears his own mask proudly at the beginning of the film.

Now let’s compare that to this trailer. What does he do when he says -

‘Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’ 

What does he do?

Originally posted by boomdafunk

He destroys his mask.

In other words, he destroys his old self. The old self that emulated Darth Vader, that was trying to be like the grandfather and hid behind a mask.

This is incredibly literal as this is what the trailer actually wants you to see. The first interpretation one could logically form. And you see how Kylo Ren is doing a complete u-turn here. He is literally doing the opposite to what he did in the TFA trailer. You miss it perhaps because of the impact of what happens soon after this shot. But this point can be expanded upon, as I did in my previous post above.

Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whoever he is, is trying to find his sense of identity. But he is no longer satisfied with trying to find it by looking into the past, by looking into his family’s history. This INCLUDES Darth Vader, not just Luke, Leia or Han.

I think he is in fact turning his back on his own lineage. Because he thought it would be enough. He thought that by finding out his grandfather was the powerful Sith Lord Darth Vader, he would be able to answer the question of why he could never find balance within himself.

Instead?

He’s even more lost now than he was before. He knows that the answer no longer lies with Darth Vader.

So how does this connect to his dialogue?

Because this mirrors another character’s trajectory. And I believe he says these words to the said character later in the film, when he realizes his past mistake.

Originally posted by starwarsfilms

Rey.

Why? Because she is still struggling, just as he is, with finding ‘her place in all this’. In other words, finding her sense of identity.

What I think is truly amazing is that somebody else in this sequel trilogy has already said these words before, or at least something to this effect.

Originally posted by bruceewayne

‘The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.’

Phrased completely differently but when you put that next to -

‘Let the past die. That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’

Yes, I know I cut a piece of dialogue out but it’s clear what is happening here, and in fact what is happening throughout this trailer.

Kylo and Rey’s paths are not just similar.

They are one and the same.

This is why people have come away from this trailer questioning whom Snoke is referring to. Because in a way it doesn’t matter. The point Lucasfilm is making here is that ‘Rey and Kylo are two halves-’

And you can finish off the rest of that sentence.

Now back to what I said at the beginning of this post. I think we will find out more of Rey’s past, but my daydreaming self is saying that Kylo warns Rey, just as Maz did, to not let her past completely inform her future. Otherwise, she could end up like him, misguided and lost. When he says ‘kill it if you have to’, this could be on a figurative level or it may allude to Rey’s dark origins (stay turned for that post).

If what he’s saying is basically the same as what Maz recommends to Rey, then what does that say about Kylo? What does that say about the light and dark, if they are essentially saying the same thing? :-)

So what do you guys think? Let me know through comments and reblog and check out for more posts in the coming days. This is such an exciting time to be part of this fandom and I love you all very much! You make the experience a hundred times more moving and fun! I nearly screamed at the end of that trailer and for a minute thought I was genuinely hallucinating. Gobsmacked, speechless, is best way I can describe it.

You’re MY Girl Pt.1

Series: Tom Holland Imagines

Relationship: Tom Holland x Reader

Request from @jyttoaudios: I was wondering if u could make a smut where you and tom are friends with benefits and he gets all sensitive over the fact that your starting to see someone and it leads to to a lil angst and a lil sum sum us know what I’m saying hmmmmm

A/N: hopefully you enjoy Pt.1 xx- Mikayla


[Reader’s POV]


    Rolling over you get out of the bed quietly. Picking up your phone and unplugging it off the charger. Bending down you pick up a shirt slipping the article of clothing on. Looking back at the bed, your longing gaze breaking as you exit the bedroom. Your feet padded against the flooring slightly as you headed towards the stairs. Memories of last night flashed through your head sending a throbbing sensation down to your core.


   Yawning and stretching your arms as you made it down each step slowly. Your body exhausted from the night before. Tessa’s tags jingled made you look over. She was standing on the couch now looking at you. A happy smile on her sweet face. Walking over you press a kiss to her head and rub her ears. Seeing a happy Tess when you woke up always made your day.


   Tessa jumps off the couch and follows you towards the kitchen. Clicking the power button on your phone to see it’s twelve thirty. Turning on the coffee pot you lean against the counter. Your hip slightly digging into the counter which you regretted quickly. A twinge of pain makes you stop leaning against the counter and lift your shirt up.


   Your skin was tinted purple with long bruises from where Tom’s fingers were last night. The skin sensitive and dark in some areas. A loud sound comes from the coffee machine indicating the coffee was ready. Moving your coffee mug you grasp the handle and pull it out of its home. Pouring the hot liquid in the cup your phone starts ringing loudly.


   Putting the coffee away you reach to grab your ringing phone. You were afraid the sound would rise upstairs and wake Tom. Almost dropping it out of quickly grabbing it you let out a sigh of relief when it doesn’t fall. Hitting the green button you raise the phone to your ear. A smile on your face after you saw who was calling.


“Good morning, you still on for today?” He asks as you reach for the dog food. Placing it on the counter you grab Tessa’s bowl.


“Yeah, I’m at a friends house so I’ll have to go home and get ready for tonight” Filling up the bowl you see her waiting by her water bowl. Tail wagging happily as she awaits her food. Setting it down you pat her head and she starts munching away.


“I bet you’ll look gorgeous no matter what” his voice was deep from him probably just waking up. He’s the one you’ve been calling when you couldn’t talk to Tom. It was hard just being friends with benefits with Tom. You wanted a relationship aspect.


“Oh stop it Leo, you’re such a charmer” you giggle taking a sip of your coffee. The caffeine rushing through your system to wake you up. The two of you had plans to meet at a coffee shop to just have a relaxing date. Coffee was perfect because you had to work on a term paper that night anyways. If you had tea you would want to wind down and procrastinate longer on your assignment.


“I can’t help it you’re absolutely stunning, I don’t know how anyone can pass you up” he chuckles making you smile. You couldn’t help but blush at what he says.



“Alright well I’ll see you soon okay?”



“Later love, see you soon” the line ends with a beep as you set your phone down on the counter. Tessa barks loudly making you turn around to see Tom walking over shirtless and in sweatpants. Your eyes traveling down his body admiring his abs.


“Good morning love, you’re up early” Tom grins sleepily walking towards you. Reaching up he runs his fingers through his tousled curls. His bicep flexing as he did that motion. Tom is irresistible with that body of his. Placing your mug by the sink it clinks against the countertop.


“I have plans today, I needed coffee to wake myself up even more” you explain as he gets closer to you. Backing you against the counter with nowhere to go. The feeling of your heart beating faster and faster started making you uneasy.


“I thought we were going to spend the day together since I’m back in town?” the warmth of his hand against your cheek was soothing. Leaning your face into the skin of his palm you let out a sigh.


“Well I made plans before you came back, I’ll be home for you tonight isn’t that fair enough?” it was unfair that you had to revolve your plans around him. You were the one always having to wait for him to come home. With this friends with benefits situation and adding that he’s a celebrity made it feel like a one way street.


“You always spend the time I’m here with me an-”


“I have to go get my stuff so I can leave” Brushing past Tom you head back towards the stairs. He smelled heavenly and you needed to leave as soon as you could. He was too damn tempting for your own good. That’s probably why you go back to him all the time. You just couldn’t stay away.


  Walking into Tom’s room you see your clothes littered across the floor. Your heels were on separate sides of the room. Not even remembering how they got there. Taking off Tom’s t-shirt you pick up your dress off of the floor. Slipping it on you then pick up both of your heels. Putting them you groan realizing this looks like a walk of shame.


   Rolling your eyes because of how it looks you grab your purse that was at the foot of the bed on the ground. Grabbing it you take a cursory glance of his room. Just to see if you left anything. Leaving the room you make your way down the stairs. Your heels clicked once they made contact with the wood flooring when you reached the bottom.


“Have fun on your date” Tom’s voice comes from around the corner. Turning the corner you see him holding your phone. The screen lighting up with notifications on the screen.


“You didn’t go through my phone did you?” snatching it out of his grasp you see Leo’s name on the messages. Your eyes scanning the messages quickly checking he didn’t say anything. You were pretty sure Tom didn’t know your password.


“That you two are meeting at our spot? No I didn’t go through your phone but I did answer it” your eyes widening at what he just said. He could have said something to Leo and you have no clue what it could have been.


“Fuck you Holland..” you grit pushing him away from you. His bare chest firm under your palm.


“Well you did last night.. Might I add you weren’t complaining either” his cocky smirk plastered on his face. You wanted to slap it off so hard, your hand was trembling by your side.


“I can’t believe you’re acting like this.. It’s like you’re envious Tom” the tone that voice had was flat as you glared at him. He rolled his eyes crossing his arms, biceps bulging when he did that.

“I’m am not.. Who is this guy anyways?”


“I don’t have to tell you anything Tom.. I’ll see you tonight” taking your car keys off the hook you leave his house. Closing the door a little harder than normal you take a deep breath. Making your way across the street you walk down the sidewalk towards your car.


   Pulling your glasses out you put them on. Unlocking your car you get in and take off towards your home. Your phone was ringing but you just ignored it. At the moment you didn’t want to talk to anyone because of how frustrated Tom made you feel. All the time it was an array of emotions.


“I can’t believe he answered the goddamn phone” you mutter to yourself as you turn the corner and proceed down the road. Your phones loud ringing makes you emit an annoyed growl. Reaching over you pick up your phone off of the seat.


“What is it Tom, I’m not going back to your house for a -”


“Uh love.. It’s Leo is everything okay? So you really were at a guys house?” his question making your heart drop. This is exactly what you wanted to avoid.


“I just crashed at his place is all, I got too drunk to drive home” you lie gritting your teeth after cause lying was the thing you hated the most.


“I’ll see you at the coffee shop later, just wanted to check on you after what he sa-”


“What did he say?” the sound of your voice rose a bit from your nerves. You hated every second of what’s happening at the moment.


“That you stayed the night with him in his bed”


“Of course he would say that” you huff out resting your phone on your shoulder as your cheek was pressed against your phone. The position keeping it in place as you made your way home. You normally had to drive around for a while before going home. Paparazzi loved to follow you around and it was fucking obnoxious. Sadly that’s what you get for being in any proximity of Tom.


“I’m sorry what he said Leo, we just go way back and Tom’s a little asshole alright?” quoting Mackie as you get out of your car once it’s in park. Leo says his goodbyes before you hang up the phone holding it in your left hand.The gravel next to your driveway crunched under your heels as you walked towards your front door. Fishing out your keys from your purse you put the key in the lock.


   Turning the key you twist the handle opening the door. It creaked as the door moved with you walking inside. The heater doing it’s job welcoming you into warmth. Today was a chilly day in London and you were glad your heater wasn’t broken. It had a tendency to break when you desperately needed it the most.


    Your dog comes walking up to you with a happy bark. Kneeling down you ruffle her ears. Her spotted tongue sticking out from the side of her mouth. Pressing a kiss to her head you stand up and walk to the kitchen. Pictures of you and Tom from when you first became friends were around your house. Especially the ones of the events you went to. Along with your family you had photos with Tom’s family.


    Picking up Kayley’s water bowl you hold it under the sink as you fill it up. Her tags jingle making you look over. She was jumping up and down, her long tail wagging in excitement. She was a year older than Tessa but bigger due to being a Rottweiler mix Lab. The two of them were best buds whenever you would have Tessa over to watch her if Nikki couldn’t.


“C’mon love let’s go to the closet and pick out an outfit for tonight yeah?” after you set her bowl down she follows you upstairs. Kayley of course made it up the stairs first as always. She sat at the top waiting for you to make it up the stairs.




   The lighting of the coffee shop was dim thankfully. Your migraine had grown over the span of time that you were home. Tom was trying to lure you back to his place. All he wanted was a hookup and today you just wanted to be with Leo. Locking your door you one more time you turn and head towards the doorway.


   Opening the door you head inside the cozy warm building. Shrugging off your coat and slinging it over your arm. Looking around your eyes scan the room for Leo. His dark hair was the first thing you saw. Leo’s eyes met yours and a smile raising to his face. His smile infectious as one rose to your face. He truly is a handsome man with his ocean blue eyes. Those eyes that made you feel as if you were drifting out to see the longer you looked into them.


“Hey love, can you believe the weather outside?” his accent thicker in person than on the phone. Setting your coat down on the chair at your table you give him a peck on the cheek.


“I’m honestly glad I brought a jacket” realizing it’s a jacket Tom bought you instantly making you mentally face palm yourself. The barista keeps looking over at you making you uncomfortable. She knew you came here with Tom often.


   As time went by the more and more you found out about Leo. Sure you two have been talking for two months but now you seemed to find out even more. He told you about the adventures he went on when he traveled last summer. That was one of your favorite things, traveling. You wish you could’ve traveled with Tom but his manager didn’t want people getting the wrong Idea.


   Which made it harder for you because you fell for Tom. Feelings took over and destroyed your thoughts on being friends with benefits. You never truly knew how Tom felt about you so you just kept letting that arrangement continue. The longer Tom was away the more you felt alone. That’s a big reason why you started trying to find someone. When you finally met Leo you thought things could change. After today you knew it was going to end badly.


“Now what was it that you really wanted to talk about, you said you needed to be honest with me about something” Leo hands you your coffee that he ordered for you. Earlier you sent him a text of what you wanted.


“I wanted to explain more about earlier and why I was really at Tom’s house”sweat started to form on your palms. Nerves were kicking in on how you were going to explain this. Praying to God he would understand everything.


“So you took him to our place and in our spot?” the familiar voice making you freeze in your spot. Your eyes wide seeing Leo’s facial expression turn into confusion. Looking back you see Tom in a black coat and his curls slightly messy from the wind. His fingers run through them smoothing down a bit.


“What do you mean by our?” Leo questions raising an eyebrow looking between the two of you. Before you could say anything Tom has a smirk on his face. That damn fucking smirk.


“As in her and I come here, this is our spot and you coincidently choose our spot before she came here?”


“Tom stop it now, go home I said I’d see you later and now is not later” you huff standing up so you’re now looking up at him. Some people looked over and some had their phones out. The last thing Tom needed was drama being started.


“So this is the famous Tom Holland” Leo says bluntly standing up from his seat. You looked over at him questioningly because you never mentioned Tom’s last name.


“Yeah I am.. Oh darling.. You forgot these in my bed last night” Tom reaches into his pocket pulling out your red lace thong. A gasp leaves your mouth as you snatch them out of his hand. Reaching for your purse you put them in there. Your cheeks were flaming from embarrassment.


“Is that what you wanted to tell me about? That you’re sleeping with him?” Leo’s tone was flat as he looked down at you. His figure was a bit taller than Tom’s so you felt like he was towering over you.


“Are you mad she was calling my name out last night and not yours?” Tom sounded so smug as he brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek. Tom’s lips press against yours in a quick kiss. Your hands naturally going to his face , his jawline against your palm. Tom pulls away from the kiss , his fingers still holding your chin. Looking over you see Leo looking pissed off at the two of you.


“ Why you lil-” Leo lunges at Tom making your fight or flight instincts kick in. The name that comes out of your lips surprises you. Stepping in front of Tom, Leo’s fist ends up hitting you instead. A whimper of pain escaping your lips as Tom pulls you into his arms.


“I-I’m so sorry” Leo looks panicked as he sees you rubbing the sore spot on your shoulder. Tom’s arm rubbing soothing circles on your lower back. All that was happening you were shaking like a chihuahua.


“Ever come near her again and you won’t like what I will do, got it?” Tom grits out at Leo, his body tense as you leaned against him.


“If I would have known you were whoring around with him I would have never considered dating y-”


“Get the fuck out of here before I beat the fuck out of you for hitting my girl” his voice lashed out at Leo making the coffee shop go silent. Leo mumbled something before taking off towards the entrance.


    Looking around there were people with their phones out. The barista comes over telling people to please put their phones away. She sticks her arms out standing in the way blocking people. Tom’s finger lifted your chin so you’d look up at him. His eyes looked concerned as he gazed down at you. A bit of your heart shattered as you looked at him. Your chance of a normal relationship just went out the door.


“C’mon darling, let’s go home.. We need to talk about things”


@martymarmine13 @pleasantdreamqueen @goldenchemistry @lovelyttom @thelifeofanengineeringstudent @haileyyy0604 @glittermysoulhidesbehind @curly-haired-holland @mossyfeet @kaylaleslie1120 @bxndsaf @krystalsawallflowerr @everything-tholland @crimson-vodka @boringrayofsunshine @bruhjustdont @woahayana @isabellyduh @rlupin-moony @aurelialemarier @donttellpeterparker @xcrawlerwood @ever-since-only-angel  @mendes-holland @abbytaco15 @muffinfangirl28 @spider-junkie @mikalaka @amyyleblanc1999  @emmaduval2000 @jayzayy @tomblrholland @aliedelanie @hollandstanleythomas @allenviedthoughts @theonlyonelives @hoodgirlxoxo @sincerelylisalynn @enoumen-t @lunalife101 @ladyteacups @lovemalikstyles @pitubea1910 @ladyteacups @cameotri @skebbles @mcheung0314 @scm435 @the-hot-fangirl @fwmholland @multifandom-hoellander @tomhollabackk @bellemudder21 @alecxisantisocial @marvelstrashcan @sunshinekittxn @bi-holland @purple-storms-blog @dumb-and-dumber- @i-love-superhero @tomstanleydutch @potterhead1265

(Some names when I click on them won’t let me tag for some reason 😔)

smut for pt. 2 

Originally posted by dynode

treat you better

Summary: Steve just can’t help himself when it comes to you. 

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 1,147

A/N: Finally! My first Steve fic! I hope I did my baby justice, and let me know what you guys think! | masterlist

Originally posted by eunwin

Keep reading

Sharing Is Caring

Originally posted by knightlley


Pairing: Jeff Atkins x Reader

Request: “Hey! Can you write a JeffxReader? Where the reader is Clay sister (and have a secret crush on Jeff), someday she was going to sleep in Hanna’s house, but for some reason she didn’t stay to sleep and when she go home she find Jeff slepping in her bed. You can choose how it ends. Thank you! :D”

Words: 1.247

A/N: I am happy that I received a Jeff imagine! Although I didn’t want to leave Hannah alone, because I can imagine the reader being on the tapes after because of it. Yup, I am a little bit paranoid. Sorry. Anyways, I hope you like it and I would be grateful if you send other requests!
Thank you.

- G. x

Link: Part 2

Warning: (Y/H/C) is Your Hair Colour.


“Oh my God, you seriously like Jeff Atkins?” Hannah exclaimed excitedly and energetically as she knew the secret you’ve been keeping for years.

“Who wouldn’t like him?” You stated as if it was normal to like Jeff. Well, he was good looking, kind and funny. He had the characteristics you were looking for a boy and you knew that he was the one when you met him.

“Aw, I hope he likes you back.” Hannah honestly said as she played with your (Y/H/C) hair while you both sat on her comfortable double bed. You decided to have a sleepover because it has been awhile since you last spent time together. She was one of your close friends and you loved her presence.

“Well, he’s older than me and I am out of his league.” You shrugged your shoulders as you felt a little bit down for what you’ve just said.

“Oh, cut it off! You are beautiful, intelligent and sweet, it is impossible to not fall in love with you.” Hannah comforted you as she praised you with her sincere words.

“Aw, Hannah.” You looked at her with a wide smile and you hugged her. “Thank you.”

“It was the truth.” She hugged you back as a nice friend she was.

“Talking of these boys,” You started as you broke the hug and she hid her face behind her hands as she already knew the next question. “how are you and my older brother, Clay?” You flashed a smirk and you saw her cheeks turned red.

“Oh my God, I knew it.” She laughed, still having her face hidden. “We’re friends, (Y/N). We work at the movie theatre and we talk at school, that’s it.”

“Jesus, Clay never asked you out?” You shook your head for your disappointment because you rooted for them being together. You considered Clay and Hannah as a perfect couple.

“He’s shy.” Hannah shortly answered.

“But it’s not an excuse! I would slap that dork silly, seriously.” You unleashed a long and deep sigh because Hannah seemed disappointed too and her being dismayed was one of the things you wouldn’t want to see. “I’ll talk to him, because I know that he likes you too, a lot!”

“Geez, really?” Hannah smiled widely and you nodded happily as her happiness came back once again.

“You can count on that!” You winked at her and she bit her lower lip. You stared at each other and you both let out some soft giggles for no reason, but it was interrupted as you heard some noise coming from the living room.

There was a discussion happening between Hannah’s parents and you could tell that she felt embarrassed for it. She hated it when they fought and having a friend hearing their complaints wasn’t one of the things that she wanted to happen.

“Are you okay, Hannah?” You worriedly asked and she just shook it off, obviously avoiding herself to ask you some help.

“(Y/N), do you mind if we cancel this sleepover?” She fidgeted with her warm blankets as she was nervous for your possible reaction.

“Oh no, it’s fine for me if you don’t feel comfortable. I mean, I would stay to cheer you up, but I will give you space if you want.” You sympathetically said as you understood her situation.

“I am fine, really.” She assured you. “I will call you if I ever need some help. Thank you.”

“Don’t bother to call me, okay?” You reminded her once again as you got up from her bed. You gathered your things and you put them in your backpack.

“Noted.” She smiled widely at you, not minding her parents anymore. She got up too and you both went outside her room as she led you to the house’s front door. Her parents stopped throwing shit at each other as they saw you going away and you could say that they felt guilty because of it.

“Good night, Hannah.” You sweetly greeted. “Call me or text me, okay? I am always here.”

“I know and I thank you for that.” She hugged you and you responded to it by hugging her back. “Good night.” She then let you go.

“Good night, see you tomorrow.” You said as you unlocked your bike’s chains. You then rode it as you said goodbye to Hannah once again. She watched you as you started to pedal way back home.

During your journey, you thought of Hannah’s family situation and you knew that it wasn’t your business but you wanted to help her. You wanted to help her, because you didn’t want for it to be one of the reasons she would feel sad or disappointed. Her life was already hard and you didn’t want for her to carry another problem on her back.

Once you arrived home, you silently went to your room, not wanting to wake anybody up. You plopped your things on your desk and you let yourself fall on the bed carelessly.

“What the fuck, Clay?!” You heard a deep voice complaining and you were shocked, mostly scared, for a moment. You were afraid to move, but you quickly searched for the lamp that rested on your bedside table and you turned the lights on. “Oh, it’s you (Y/N)!”

“What the hell are you doing in my room, Jeff?” You corrugated your forehead as you wondered why. You liked Jeff, but you knew that you had the right to be furious after what happened.

“Clay said that you were staying at Hannah’s!” Jeff sat up as he covered his shirtless body. “Boys can have sleepover too, duh!”

“Jeez!” You laughed even though you were annoyed. “I am sleeping on the couch downstairs then.”

“No, I am sleeping there. This is your bed and it’s not okay to let a woman sleep uncomfortably.” He ranted as he searched for his shirt and wore it soon after.

“It’s okay, Jeff. Stay here.” You flashed him a smile and you got up from your bed, ready to go out of the room.

“No!” Jeff protested. “We can share! It’s a double bed and I can sleep on one side and you on the other.”

“Hmm?” You raised an eyebrow as you considered his proposal.

“Only if it’s okay with you. If not, I am sleeping on the couch.” He smiled as he scratched his nape.

“Alright, I’ll share my bed with you.” You went back on the bed and you sat on your space. “Only because I don’t want for you to be uncomfortable, okay?”

“Alright, (Y/N).” You could bet that you saw him smirking before you turned the lights off.

“No malice, Jeff!” You slapped his muscular arm and he just let out a laugh. Oh, how much you loved that laughter. “Thank my parents because they taught us that sharing is caring.”

“I’m thanking Lainie and Matt tomorrow, don’t worry.” He jokingly answered and you just giggled because of it. “Good night, (Y/N).”

“Good night, Jeff.” You smiled while you had your eyes closed. You couldn’t believe it, so you had a hard time drifting in your sleep, same for Jeff.

You were happy that you had a chance to share the bed with your ultimate crush and both knew that you would wake up hugging each other, but who cares? You both liked each other, you just had no guts to admit it and this is a great coincidence to show the affection to each other.


How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

Evil Yours, Now Evil Mine // Kai Anderson

Originally posted by gabbiesworld


A/N: I’m selfishly relieved to be writing Kai again. I feel like I write him better than the rest of Evan’s characters. So! This is based off a request where someone wanted Kai to meet a girl whose only fear was her own mind. I also had countless requests for rough Kai.

Side note: This fic is my absolute pride and joy.

This is specifically for my homegurl @fragilelikeabomb0106 <3 And myself. Because I’m a Kai whore.

Warnings: SMUTSMUTSMUTSMUTSMUT! And language.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hc where Viktor thinks Yuuri forgot their anniversary, but he actually does a flash mob while they're out skating at the rink. Like all the lights turn off and a single spotlight comes on and you can see Yuuri in the center of the ice and music plays then all of their friends come out and join him as they all skate to the song. It ends with Yuuri in front of Viktor on one knee holding out flowers and other gifts and he says "how could you think I would forget?"

AHHH MY HEART

2

Band of Ampelomeryx. Didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped but better than that POS drawing that Wikipedia is using for their Ampelomeryx stub, which I drew and uploaded there 10 years ago.

8

because i could watch you for a single minute and find a thousand things that I love about you ♡

What's the most embarrassing thing you've caught someone doing?

Working in large corporate parks during the recession there were lot’s of huge office spaces with barely any residency. They basically overbuilt these large office parks expecting businesses to fill them up. So it would be like a huge complex with maybe two or three functioning businesses in them.


The best part about this was the fact that you could always find a restroom to take a shit in that nobody ever used. I went to a restroom on a building across from mine that had zero occupancy, every time I went over there I never ran into anybody.


One day during one of my particularly long shits the timer on the lights turned off due to lack of motion. I thought no biggie so I got up out the stall and attempt to move around so the lights would come on, they weren’t coming on so I ventured further out near the sinks and started moving my hands in a hip hop hooray motion while simultaneously saying Hayyy Hoooooo just for shits and giggles, so the lights turn on and I’m still waving for a few seconds afterwards thinking to myself how silly I must look with my pants and draws to my ankles in a public bathroom waving my hands in the air. That’s when I heard the door close, somebody had have walked into that bathroom and saw some business man with his pants down his ankles waving his hands in the air yelling Hayyyy Hooooo and decided to abruptly walk back out.

Cherry Bomb (Bucky Barnes x Reader) Request! 🙌🏽

A/N: This is dedicated to the marvelous @ballerinafairyprincess for requesting this super awesome idea a couple days ago! ❤ I had so much fun writing this!! I’m super jealous I didn’t come up with this! I hope you guys like it! ENJOY! -Delilah ❤❤ 

Request: Hi darling! Can I make a request please? Can you do a Bucky x Reader where they go for milkshakes and she shows him how she can tie the cherry stem into a knot in her mouth (something he has never seen before). And it goes from fluff to smut just like that? 😊 

Warnings: Swearing. Graphic sex. Semi-public sex. Fluffiness. Bucky’s just having a good time.

Keep reading

In Your Arms

Originally posted by mikkeljensen

Originally posted by bellamybalke

Summary/Request: Could you do a imagine with Steve where you guys are so cute and In love and somehow you die you can come up with it thank you!

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Word Count: 2,872

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO, swearing, death.

Authors Note: This is my first time writing Steve and I got really carried away with this one I am sobbing and I am sorry! This turned out way sadder than I intended so if you wanted something fluffier I’m sorry! Let me know what you guys think! Some dialogue is taken straight from the show.

Listen To: Near Light by Olafur Arnalds (highly recommend)

Type in Bold is Flashbacks.xx

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was a warm day in Hawkins, and the sun shone down on you as you sat at the picnic in table in the park.
Around you kids laughed as they played and birds tweeted but you were oblivious, too engulfed in the book you were reading.
You turned the page and continued reading when everything went dark.
Hands covered your eyes and you dropped your book to the table.
“Guess who.” A voice said.
It was a voice you recognised but they were disguising it with a rather bad attempt at an English accent.
“Grandad, is that you?”
You asked jokingly.
The voice sniggered slightly.
“I’ll give you a clue. Ridiculously good looking, great personality, even better kisser. Incredible hair.”
“Hmm. I don’t know anyone like that.”
The hands left your eyes and went to your waist.
You squealed as they tickled you and fell back into their arms.
“Steve! Stop!” You giggled.
“Nuh-uh, not until you say it.”
“You’re good looking!” You squealed.
His fingers tickled up under your arms and you twisted in an attempt to get away from him.
“Is that all?”
“Great personality!” You giggled. “Even better kisser!”
“And what else?”
He pulled you off the bench and laid you in the grass, hovering over you and tickling your sides.
“That was all!”
“How dare you!” Steve gasped in mock hurt.
“Incredible hair!” You squealed.
“Yeah, that’s right.”
He stopped his attack on you and leant over you.
You pulled him into a kiss, although both of you were giggling too much to enjoy it.
He jumped to his feet and offered you his hand.
You accepted it and he pulled you up into an embrace.
“Sooo, my beautiful girl, what are you doing tonight?”
He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you back to the table.
You shrugged and smiled at him as you returned to your previous seat.
“That depends, what did you have in mind?”
He grabbed hold of your hand and held it between both of his as he sat next to you.
“They’re playing Indiana Jones at the drive in and I thought we could have dinner at the diner first?”
“Sounds good.” You smiled and he leant forward and kissed you.
“I gotta go. Pick you up at seven?”
You nodded and pulled him back in for another kiss.
“I love you.”
You smiled against his lips. “I love you too. Always.”
Steve smiled and nodded.
“Always.”

“He’s waking up!” Mike yelled.
You glanced back quickly before turning your eyes back to the road.
“Steve?” You called.
A groan came from the back seat and you bit your lip as you turned a corner, gripping the steering wheel anxiously.
“No, don’t touch it.” You heard Dustin say from the back.
You glanced in the rear view mirror to see Steve lifting a hand to his bloody and beaten face.
“Hey buddy, shh. Its okay you put up a good fight. He kicked your ass but you put up a good fight. You’re okay.”
“Okay keep straight for half a mile then make a left.” Lucas said to you as he glanced at the papers in his hands.
You nodded.
Straight for half a mile. Make a left.
“Steve?” You called again.
You felt sick, not because of the danger you were heading towards but because of the fight you had witnessed.
Steve was the only thing you cared about right now. Oh, and the demadogs I  suppose.
“What’s going on?” Steve asked.
You looked back at him and he was staring at the kids crammed into the car around him.
Lucas was next to you in the front while Dustin, Max, and Mike were squashed in the back next to Steve.
“Oh-oh my god.”
“It’s okay Steve,” You called back soothingly.
You pressed down on the accelerator. The sooner you got there, the sooner you could comfort Steve and get this whole stupid idea over and done with.
“Whoa-whoa What’s going on?” His voice got louder and you bit your lip.
Everyone started yelling then.
Dustin was trying to calm Steve down, while Mike was saying “I knew he would freak out.”
And Steve was a mixture of groans and confusion.
“Make a left!”
You glanced back into the mirror, hating that you weren’t next to Steve to comfort him.
“MAKE A LEFTt!” Lucas yelled again.
What? Oh shit!”
You yanked on the steering wheel and the car screeched round the corner.
Max screamed in the back as the car spun out slightly and the kids all yelled.
“(Y/N)?!”
You turned back to see Steve finally registering who was driving the car.
“Yeah, it’s me Steve.”
“What the hell is going on?” Steve demanded.
You took a deep breath and ignored him, knowing he wouldn’t be thrilled by the fact you had given in to the kids and were on your way to the tunnels.
Lucas gave you a few more directions and you drove into a field, slamming on the brakes when the headlights landed on a patch of dirt.
The kids all clambered out of the car and you ran around to help Steve.
“Babe? Are you okay?”
He groaned as he fell to the ground and you helped him up, leaning him against the car for support.
Mike walked past you both, a rope and a tank of gasoline in his hand.
“Hey, where do you think you’re goin?”
He ignored Steve and knelt in front of the car.
“What are you, deaf? Helloooo!”
He turned to you.
“No, we are not going down there!”
Steve.”
“I made myself clear! There is no way we are going down that hole!”
“It’s the only way, Steve.” You told him.
“You can’t be serious? You actually agree that this plan is gonna work?”
You shrugged. “No.. but it’s the only plan we’ve got!”
“We had a plan! We stay on the bench, remember!”
“Listen to your girlfriend.” Lucas said as he and Max walked past you, both carrying tanks and torches.
“Babe, this is dangerous. We can’t-“
You leant forward, shutting him up with a kiss though you were careful not to place to much pressure on his swollen lips.
“We can.” You whispered.
“It’s simple. We just go in, burn this.. motherfucker to the ground and get out.”
“I promised I would keep them safe, that I’d keep you safe.”
You nodded and Dustin handed you Steve’s bat. You shoved it into Steve’s hand.
“So keep us safe.”

“(Y/N)! Hey! Slow down!”
You ignored him and kept walking, your arms crossing over your chest.
“Babe!”
His footsteps got louder as he chased after you but you kept walking up the darkened street.
“Hey!” He grabbed your shoulder and turned you to face him.
“What!” You snapped angrily.
He shook his head in confusion.
“What’s wrong?”
He reached his hands out, placing them in your hips but you slapped them away.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” You yelled. “Are you kidding me?!”
You turned away from him and stormed off but he ran forward and stopped in front of you.
“God, Steve, if you want to be with Nancy you could have just told me!”
“What?!”
“I saw you!” You yelled. “Whispering to each other in the hallway! I’m not stupid, Steve!”
He began to laugh and you clenched your jaw.
“Fuck you, Harrington!” You shoved past him and stormed up the road.
“Babe! Babe!” He ran after you once more and grabbed your hand.
He pulled you back into his arms.
You squirmed, trying to get free of him but he held you to him firmly.
“I don’t wanna be with Nancy.” He told you, a slight hint of amusement to his voice.
You rolled your eyes and pushed your hands against his chest.
Still, he didn’t budge.
“She was helping me!”
You stopped and stared up at him. Your eyes were still full of anger but they softened when you saw the love shining in his hazel eyes.
Steve sighed and reached into his back pocket.
“She was helping me pick out this.”
He held out a small black box and you glanced at it.
“What is-“
“Open it.”
You swallowed and lifted the box carefully. You lifted the lid to reveal a simple silver locket on a chain.
“Oh Steve.” You whispered.
Both taken aback by the beauty of the gift and embarrassed at causing a scene.
You carefully lifted the necklace and opened the locket.
Inside was a tiny photo, the first photo you had ever taken with him and on the other side engraved was both his and your initials, and underneath read ‘Always’.
You felt tears swell in your eyes and you looked up at him to see him looking lovingly down at you.
“Don’t you get it? It’s you. It’s always been you.”
A tear fell and you pulled his lips to yours.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered as you pulled away.
He leant his forehead against yours and you both looked down at the locket.
“I love you, Always.” He said.
You smiled.
“Always.”

“Alright, Wheeler. I think we’ve found your hub.”
All of you looked around, shining your torches at the opening in the tunnel.
“Let’s drench it.” Mike said.
And so you did.
The smell of gasoline quickly filled your lungs as you covered the area.
You focused on the entrances to all the other tunnels while the kids sprayed the walls of the tunnels.
“I’m out!” Dustin yelled and tossed his empty canister into the centre of the clearing.
You shook out the last of your tank and tossed yours next to his.
The kids finished theirs and you all moved back to the start of the tunnel you had come out of.
“Get back.” You told the kids and made sure they were all behind you.
You knelt next to Steve and took hold of his hand.
He squeezed it comfortingly.
“Alright you guys ready?” Steve asked and pulled out his lighter.
“Light her up.” Nodded Dustin.
Steve flicked open his lighter.
“We’re gonna be in such deep shit.” He muttered to you.
You laughed and nodded.
He met your eye for a moment before tossing his lighter forward.
Fire ignited everywhere and you shielded your eyes as the tunnel burst into brightness.
“Let’s go, lets go!” Steve yelled.
You stood and ran.
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!” Dustin was yelling.
“This way, this way!” Steve shouted and the kids ran after him.
You stayed at the back, making sure none of the kids got left behind as you navigated your way through the tunnels.
Mike stumbled over a vine and you stopped.
“Guys!” You yelled. Mike clung to your desperately  as the vine tangled around his leg and you kicked out at the vine.
Steve swung his bat and hit the vine and it curled away form Mike’s leg and you pulled him to his feet.
“Let’s go! We gotta go!” You yelled.
But then a bloodcurdling noise filled the tunnel and you all froze.
A demadog growled behind you and you only turned in time to see it pounce.
You screamed as you fell to the ground and the demadog ripped into your leg.
Pain spread through your whole body and you writhed in agony as the demadog ripped flesh from your waist.
Steve smashed his bat against it and the demadog flew to the side.
It let out a screech and it’s face opened up but Steve smashed it with his bat til it stopped moving.
“Steve!” The kids were yelling.
They hovered over you, their faces full of worry.
Steve pushed them out of the way and knelt by your side.
“Babe?! Oh god! Oh shit!
He glanced at your already paling face.
Your wounds were serious. The demadog had torn a chunk of flesh out of your right thigh and out of your side.
Tears began to stream from his face.
“Steve you have to go!” You sobbed. “You have to get them out, you have to leave me.”
“No!” He yelled.
“Steve you have to! There’s no time!  You have to get them out!”
Your face was wet with tears and Steve ripped the bandana from his face.
He crashed his lips against yours, earning a serious of ‘Ugh’s from the kids.
“I’m not leaving you.” He whispered.
He slid his arms beneath you and hauled you into his arms.
“Go! Run!” He yelled at the kids.
They obeyed and Steve went as fast as he could, carrying you through the tunnels.
“Stay with me babe.” He whispered.
“Stay with me.”



You sat in front of your dresser as you blow dried your hair, watching your work in the reflection of your mirror.
Once it was mostly dry you turned off your hair drier and sat up.
Almost instantly you heard a rapping against your window.
You glanced over to see Steve knocking lightly against the glass.
“Steve!” You hissed as you crossed the room. You opened the window and he clambered inside.
“Thank god, I’ve been knocking for ages.”
He flashed you his winning smile and you couldn’t help but smile back.
“You can’t keep doing this.”
He pulled you to him and planted a kiss in your lips.
“I can go,”’He kissed you again. “If you want.”
You moaned against his lips and shook your head.
He grinned at you and you pulled him to the bed.
The next ten minutes was spent kissing in the bed  and you pushed him away before things got too heated.
“We can’t, we’ll wake my parents!”
Steve sighed and rolled off of you.
“I can’t wait for the future. For our future.”
“Oh yeah?” You curled into his side and he stroked your hair.
“Yeah, I mean. We can have a house of our own. Whatever you want, wherever you want.”
You smiled up at him and he continued.
“With enough space for the kids to run around. God our kids are gonna be so good looking.”
You laughed. “Cause of their dad.”  You nudged him.
He smiled and shook his head. “Cause of you. You are.. so, beautiful.”
You blushed and he kissed your lips softly.
“I can’t wait to marry you. To grow old with you.”
You smiled at the idea and buried your face in his neck.
“Me too.” You whispered.
His hands ghosted down your back as he wrapped you in his arms.
“I love you, (Y/N).”
You smiled. “I love you too.”
He pulled back and cupped your face gently and his eyes were full of passion.
“No, I really love you. More than anything in this world.”
You smiled up at him. “I know. I love you Steve, always.”
He nodded slowly.
“Always.”




“Be careful!”
The kids hooked their arms around yours and Steve watched anxiously as they lifted you through the whole.
As soon as you were up he hauled himself up the rope and crawled across the dirt to where they had laid you.
“Babe! Shit baby stay with me!”
He ripped his shirt from his body and wrapped it around your leg.
You lifted your hand and grabbed his wrist.
He looked up at you, panic and pain in his eyes and you shook your head slowly, tears streaming down your face.
”Steve,”
“No!” Steve yelled.
He sobbed over you and pulled your body to him.
His hands wrapped around your head and he sobbed against you.
“Steve, it’s too late.” You whispered.
The pain spread through your body and you could feel the darkness creeping in and you knew.
You knew these breaths were your last.
Memories flooded your mind.
Your first kiss with Steve, the first time you saw him. The first date and how he had been late because “Hair this perfect takes time.”. The first time you said I loved you and the first time he said it back.
You closed your eyes and tears rolled down your cheeks.
You knew.
You knew he was your soulmate, your everything and you knew you had to leave him. You had lost too much blood already, your wounds were too severe.
You knew you were dying.
“Please, (y/n)!” Steve sobbed.
You lifted your hand to his swollen cheek and ran your thumb across his lips.
“I love you.” You whispered, “I love you so much.”
“No!” Steve yelled. “Don’t give up!”
“Steve.” You whispered, shaking your head against his chest. “Listen to me.”
Your breath hitched in your throat.
He met your eye and seeing the pain in his eyes tore you apart.
“I love you.” You told him.
Tears rolled down his cheeks and you gulped.
“I love you, (y/n). Please don’t leave me, please.” He begged. His body shook as he held you to him.
The darkness was spreading and you closed your eyes. “I love you Steve.” You said again.
He had to know.
“Always.”
“Always.” He repeated.
Sobs ripped through him as he heard your last breath leave your body.
“No!” He whispered. “No! No!”
His whispers turned to yells as he clung to your lifeless body and he knew in that moment he would give anything.
He would give anything to wake up and have this all be a bad dream. A weird, crazy fucked up dream.
But he knew it was real. Nothing had ever felt more real.
He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against yours.
His hand caressed your cheek and tears continued to stream down his face.
He pressed his lips against yours and closed his eyes.
“Always.” He whispered.
“Always.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Pay For A Punch

A Bucky Barnes One-Shot

Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: 2,349

Warnings: 18+, beginning of smut, mentions of sex, sexual tension, language, kissing, fluff.

A/N: This is my submission for @amarvelouswritings Bee’s 2.1k Challenge! This was fun and I really want to be the reader in this so bad! 

Prompt: “If I kissed you right now, what would you do?” 


You were aware of all the chatter happening around you, but all you could hear was the buzzing in your ears.

Anger.

It boiled the blood in your veins.

Who the hell did he think he was? You knew what you were doing. You were good at what you did. Tony wouldn’t have put you on the team unless he thought you were fit.

Countless hours in the gym training with Steve. Honing your combat skills every day with Natasha. Therapy sessions with Bruce. Perfect physical assessment from Dr. Cho.

You name it, you’ve done it.

But he is the only one who sees you as incapable. He undermined every move you made. He would tsk and tut at you when he disagreed. He had even patted your head like a petulant child once.

You would have stabbed him if Wanda hadn’t used her powers and tore the knife out of your hand.

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The furnace is broken. When Nursey goes downstairs to do laundry, Dex has his toolbox out. There’s a smear of grime down the side of his face and smudges on his light gray t-shirt.

“What, no music?” Nursey asks, piling his clothes in the washer.

Dex shakes his head.

“How’s it going?”

Dex shrugs.

Nursey pours in detergent, turns the water temperature to cold, and starts the cycle. “Are you okay?”

Dex looks away. “I don’t actually know how to fix furnaces. I’m just guessing here.”

“Is there someone you can call?” Nursey asks.

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“it’s okay to cry...”

ayyy so i finished that angsty reddie fic i was talking about~ please be gentle as it is the first time i’ve written fic in quite a while. it’s also not very long, so i do apologize. i got the prompt from here.

rating: t (for language)
pairing: reddie (richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak) 

  “You there, Rich?”

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