you could say that my life's a mess

Summary 11

Summary of:  March 28th, 2017(Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds and Bioshock: Infinite)


“Tie that cot around your neck, cherie, and we’ll provide the mess.  Chat can sing, chat loves malice, but don’t forget the !cactus.  Be our guest!  Be our guest!  BE OUR MURDER VICTIM…ermmmm, GUEST!  Life is so unnerving for a murderer who’s not murderin’.” -frecklesandfarce, 2017

Shoutout to orionspencer!  Glad I could get you to join us!

Ryan’s gonna be late again, he says.XD

ceebeearrun supports both my idea to take over the stream due to Ryan’s lateness(and play one hour of Bioshock and two of Jackbox) and to name his bookshelf “Oreo”.

"BTW, @SyberiaWinx, love your stream summaries.  You have my permission to put me in them(wink wink).” -Epical_panda_mc, 2017       

"Let’s talk about how much of a nerd Ryan is while he’s gone.” -SageBailey, 2017

“You can dry and tistroy me.” -Ryan Haywood, 2017, inviting chat to challenge him in the game.

I love your stream, Ryan, but I wish you’d announce your streams a decent amount of time in advance. : P

Ryan, put some clothes on.^^;

Ryan’s favorite candy bars are Kit-Kats, Twix, and Snickers.

People are raving about Flake candy?

“We got flakes in America too.  We just made one president.” -Me, 2017


Ryan joked that “snitches get stitches” was the first thing he taught his kids, then corrected that it was actually “snitches get hugs and extra dessert”.

He’s singing a song from the perspective of a backpack.XD

And now he’s offering to choke people for free, and I’m not sure if he means that violently or erotically.^^;

He has not managed to kill a SINGLE person in this game so far and has died each time.

There was Diet Coke in Ryan’s Booker flask.  Of course.

GUNSHOT!XD  This one really startled him.

The car is blue so the enemy doesn’t see them coming when they’re driving through the water.

GUNSHOT!  These past three have all been Wendino, and it’s driving Ryan crazy.XD

Now everyone is cheering Ryan with the gunshot, and it’s giving him a small heart attack, since he’s playing a game where people are hunting you down to shoot you.XD  

Literally, DOZENS of gunshots.

And now Wendino is torturing Ryan with puns, too.

Ryan is praising us for being supportive of him, his family, and eachother.   He says he is proud of us. : D  

Please, Ryan.  The chat is trying to have a moment here.

Ryan was named “James Ryan Haywood” because his grandfather’s initials were also JHR.  His parents wanted to name him Ryan, however.  His grandfather called him “Bonzo”, after a monkey.  He also has a step-brother named “Ryan”.

Now everyone’s talking about their first and middle names.

Tonight’s storytime was super creepy!  As if Ryan didn’t already talk like a serial killer.: P

Today’s mission…………….kinda failed?  

8,100 - 9,000 Follower Prompt Batch Special
  • “You must not trust the masked one.”
  • “I will not allow you to mess this one up for me.”
  • “Falling in love with your roommates? Hilarious." 
  • "Do you have any idea how embarrassing what you just did was?”
  • “I always make sure to film your bad ideas.”
  • “How was I supposed to know that the cat was actually a dragon?”
  • “It makes you wonder how gullible I really am.”
  • “I let you in my life. Try not to mess anything up.”
  • “I’ve always held you accountable for my mistakes.”
  • “I’ve been an awful person to you and I want to change that.”
  • “It was easy to ignore what I was doing, because it didn’t affect me. I’m sorry. Truly.”
  • “You can’t just pretend I don’t have feelings.”
  • “Magic can’t be real. I’m just a con. How could this be?”
  • “I secretly fact check everything you say to make sure you’re wrong.”
  • “It’d be so easy to just end your life here and now, with no one around.”
  • “Sometimes I can picture you plotting my death. I can see it in your eyes.”
  • “Something went totally right in the programming.”
  • “I hate when you get smug.”
  • “I can’t argue with that logic.”
  • “Does it get tiring, being right all the time?”
  • “Stop feeding their ego with your lies.”
  • “I’m a professional, so please address me like one.”
  • “I told you that the chances of me messing up were reall low, right?”
  • “Stop focusing on my negatives.”
  • “I’m not giving anyone false hope." 
  • "Control your demon. They keep chewing on my blankets.”
  • “Stop using science as an excuse. I’m not your test subject.”
  • “It was one video, sure, but now everyone can see what I did.”
  • “I know I said I was going to drop the subject, but I can’t help my curiosity." 
  • "Ready to make me look bad?”
  • “The only thing I wanted to do was help you.”
  • “You imply I’ve never made mistakes as bad as this. Your implication is wrong.”
  • “I’ve written six pages nonstop since this morning. I can’t feel my fingers.”
  • “I don’t like inviting people into my house.”
  • “We’re on an endless road." 
  • "Do you ever wonder what’s out there?”
  • “This is where I belong.”
  • “I’m hoping we can find what was missing.”
  • “All bad ideas begin with you and end with me.”
  • “Fantastic. Let’s just go through the front door and alert everyone. No way could that ever go wrong.”
  • “Loving you was the only thing I knew how to do.”
  • “It’s too hard. All I do is not enough.”
  • “Help me understand.”
  • “I am made up of misunderstandings, you know?”
  • “I wish I could lie about something like this, but I can’t.”
  • “Look at me. I wasn’t kidding.”
  • “We need to leave before they get here." 
  • "Loving you leaves me hurt.”
  • “I hate this. Just talk to me! Stop walking away when I accidentally hurt you. I can change if you just tell me what’s wrong.”
  • “Don’t make it easy on me. I like a good challenge.”
  • “Whisper sweet nothings to me.”
  • “You’re the only person I know who will baby talk at a plant.”
  • “I remember all the times we ran through the streets in the rain and screamed our hearts out.”
  • “I didn’t want it to happen, but the busier I got, the less we talked.”
  • “Do you think they can tell I’m nervous?”
  • “Your crush was obvious to everyone- especially them.”
  • “Why didn’t you do anything?”
  • “You’re all dead to me. Go away and let me suffer here in peace.”
  • “Do I want to know why you’re laying on the floor like that?”
  • “I’m still thinking about you.”
  • “You don’t have to say a word if it’s too personal.”
  • “I beg you- tell me how to fix this." 
  • "If I bribe you with an odd amount of cash, can you pretend to be my date next week?”
  • “I hate parties and yet here I am. The things I do for you.”
  • “If you feel the same, what’s the problem?”
  • “You can drag my reputation through the dirt as many times as you want, but jealousy has never been a pretty look on you.”
  • “You’ve taken all my friends from me and I’m supposed to forgive you?”
  • “It hurts all the time.”
  • “Stop giving me those looks.”
  • “Disappointment is my nickname." 
  • "It’s like my progress is going backwards. One step forward, three steps back.”
  • “You can’t stay in a bubble for the rest of your life.”
  • “Say your last farewell.”
  • “You’ve saved my life more times than I can count on my hands. I want to return the favor.”
  • “I always figured you’d understand. How could I be so wrong?”
  • “I thought I knew you pretty well.”
  • “So many choices. I’m stuck.”
  • “Look at me and tell me that you’re happy.”
  • “I know they’re lying about something, but I don’t know what it could be.”
  • “I was never good with mysteries. It’s part of the reason  I don’t like them.”
  • “I let you in and it was the worst thing I’ve done in my life.”
  • “You think I do these things because I want to?”
  • “I’m just a petty thief in the eyes of the public. That won’t ever change.”
  • “I’m just here to do my job. Move.”
  • “I gave you plenty of time to think about what you did.”
  • “We are two of the same kind.”
  • “No one will ever understand what you meant to me.”
  • “Videos that can make me cry are not just limited to people being surprised with animals." 
  • "If you do my English paper, I’ll do your science homework." 
  • "I thought it’d be funny to leave a trail of gummies leading to the couch for movie night, but I didn’t expect you to actually eat them." 
  • "I’m nervous one hundred percent of the time.”
  • “I want to change on my own terms, not yours.”
  • “My goals and dreams are still so far away.”
  • “Do you ever feel stuck?”
  • “I see you haven’t retired from crime.”
  • “I can’t believe they stole my chair." 
  • "Of all people I didn’t expect to be here, you were on top of that list.”
  • “I get an odd satisfaction from seeing you fail.”
  • “Cheer up. Your next attempt will be better, I’m sure.”
  • “I’ve always had faith in you.”

“Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Maybe I’ll sleep when I am dead
But now it’s like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?“
     - “Sleeping Sickness”, City and Colour

I drew this comic for my dear @mondfuchs birthday!! I couldn’t resist drawing her some royai angst with Roy being a mess, considering all those amazing discussions we’ve had!!

You know I’ve already expressed how much you mean to me on several occasions, but I want to say: thank you so, so much for coming into my life, Anna. You’ve made my days a whole lot brighter ever since you came along. I couldn’t be more grateful for having met you, and I feel so, so honored and happy to be able to call you a close friend. <3 I love you lots, friend!!!

Sakamaki: watching you. Requested by Anon.

It was one of those moment when you slept soundly beside them as they were unable to sleep. All they were able to do was just stare at you. And marvel at all of your inner and outer beauty.

She was perfect, even her flaws, even when she accident breaks something or when she messes up. It’s still perfect. I still want to wrap my arms around her and hold her close.
I could spend an forever listening to her voice and her voice alone. It’s so beautiful, especially the way she says my name. My name has never been said with so much adoration before her.
I could never leave without this woman in my life, I know that now. It’s not just her blood that keeps my alive, but her. Never do I want to live without her.
Always say my name that way, bunny.

Why is it that I feel so much meow when I’m with her? That my Mother’s opinion of me ceases and all I care about it seeing those eyes sparkle and the way the corner of her lips move whenever I have don’t something to make her smile.
I find myself craving that more and more, never again do I want to go through my days as their were before her.
Never again do I want to feel that coldness, without her light in them.
How could I have fallen so madly in love with a mortal this way?
Praise me, I need your approval darling.

She loves me, she loves me for me. She doesn’t even care when I’m best. She only cares that I’m happy. Even when I mess up her arms still wrap around me tightly and she still gives me one of her kisses.
Her kisses are the sweetest thing in the world, I could live on those kisses alone. Forgot blood, I crave those soft soft lips against my own.
Please princess, kiss me, kiss me again, and again, and again. Till your lips are numb.

I want to keep her alive with me always. Never do I want to be apart from her. Because the day she doesn’t grace this earth anymore is the day I stop living.
Never do I want to turn her into a doll, because I know she would never leave me. And I feel so safe and loved in her warm embrace.
Everything feels right when we lay like this, side to side, her warm flesh pressed against mine.
I never want to let you go doll, please stay with me forever.

I know what love it because of her, it’s a emotion. The feeling you get when they are around and the ache that rings throughout you when your apart.
Because I feel like I’m walking on air when I’m with you, and I feel as if you ripped out my heart when you leave.
No other girl can ever even come close to you.
Strangle enough I can go through years without having sex with you if it meant I could spend every second by your side.
Baby girl I want you to be my one and only for the rest of time.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me, as long as she approves of me. As long as I have her smile and her warm loving embrace I don’t care about the rest.
I feel worthy around you, I feel like I’m something. And your starting to help me see I’m not all that bad. Because when you smile at me I know I have done something right. And I see I can’t be that wrong.
And no matter how many times I lay my hands on you, your still just as pure and beautiful as before. So I’m not filth. Not around you, around you I’m special.
As long as you smile at me I can stay calm, and I know I’m doing something right. Please smile at me forever and always.

I hate you. I hate you for all the things you’ve put me through. How could you do those things to me? How could you kiss me and then leave? I hate myself for letting you walk all over me. I hate everything and I wish I didn’t waste all that time on you. There goes six months of my life. Why is my life such a mess? I wish I didn’t feel this pain anymore. This is me saying goodbye. I’m sorry I ever bothered about trying to be anything more than friends. I should’ve known from the start we wouldn’t work out… I love you, but it’s time for me to let go. Goodbye.
—  7:37pm// excerpts from a book I’ll never write #12

“… you are precious in my eyes … and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4
Precious in God’s eyes? Could it be true? Does God really think you and I are precious? We— who trip and fall and fail more often than we care to admit? You may be feeling pretty worthless right now, beaten down. Life has probably thrown more at you than you can handle.
Just think about this: We are so precious to God that He sent His only Son, Jesus, to this earth to die so you and I wouldn’t have to die because of the way we have messed up our lives with sin. But He says to you, “My Son died for you because you are worth a Son to Me.”
Just think of it: God says, “You are worth a Son to Me”! Don’t wait another minute. Run. Yes, run to His arms right now. Let Him whisper these words to you, “I love you, I love you.”

anonymous asked:

*isg anon* the reason why sims is popular it's because it's entertaining. even if you don't like the game you can still watch it and have a laugh because of their banter, not bc of the game itself but bc of their reactions and comments about it. However, ISG isn't funny. it was maybe the 3 first times but now it's boring. the emails are always repetitive, just like his ''look at me my life is a mess and im super relatable'' jokes that stopped being funny years ago. dan could do better than that.

ok but….just because you don’t find it funny that doesn’t mean other people don’t? like i completely agree that those Relatable™ jokes are old as heck now, but you can’t say the isg series is boring because clearly  there are others who still like it


So yeah, you could say there’s been some close calls. And then they did find out about my double life, but there was that whole mess with the second dimension, and they forfeited their memories of everything, so. Yeah. Thanks for the ask. -P

Ask box is Open l Support APF on Patreon

There are so many things I wish I could say to you. Like that I finally watched that show you’d been begging me to or I found those pictures I lost three months ago. Or how I actually passed that course in school, even though I’m still not sure how. You always said I could do it, so I just wanted you to know that I did. But mostly I just want to say that I miss you. I miss you in the most innocent ways, like laughing together when I accidentally mess up my words or getting a text when something reminds me of you. I miss having you in my life. Even if we couldn’t be together, couldn’t we at least be something? Our story is too great to end like this.
because when life was a mess you were the one who made it messier and oh my heck I loved every bit of it. because you noticed the little things and didn’t let me be alone in the dark. because you said my laugh was pretty and stayed up with me till 2am when I believed the world didn’t need a laugh like mine ruining it’s recursive symphony. because you said you loved me and I could never say it back without being silly. because you cared and left for the sake of my supposed well being. and lastly, because i never stopped you.
—  reasons and regrets

When you came into my life, I was such a mess. I confuse moonlight as daytime on the daily, I guess you can say I live my life backwards and my heart has more flatlines than I’ve ever had a sad face, that was me acknowledging my anxiety, you know, I used to be comfortable around people, I thought everybody could be my friend. I did. I soon realized how stupid I was. It’s a messed up day when your best friend sets you up to get jumped. The environment raises you, that’s correct. Nature does things to us and now I don’t trust people, that’s correct. The irony? The person who jumped me became a close friend. How’s that for a trip? Life is full of it. I had to lose someone important to gain another, I had to almost die to learn not to mix alcohol and drugs, my body just can’t handle it. I had to break my hand to stop being so fucking angry. I’m still so fucking angry. I’m upset at everything, but I still try to fake a smile. I was hurt when she said we’re best friends, but we’re fucking. I was hurt when she said it was just infatuation, he doesn’t mean anything, so we broke up and yeah, it was just a kiss, he could never give me a kiss like you could, well, jokes on me, the damage has already been done, right? So we get back together and I still hate your fucking guts, so we fuck and fuck and fuck up everything, so you learn to cry and I learn to yell and we learn to lust instead of being tender to our innocence and I know that it’s in the past, and I know it doesn’t matter and I know you’ve moved on, but unless I get this shit out tonight, there isn’t much to move on from, I need to vent and I need to yell, one last time, I’m going to scream this poetry into something I can’t love and I know you’ll read this and go, damn, he hasn’t changed, he’s upset again, always begging for more when he didn’t know how to stop, his addiction is finally getting to him and fuck, maybe it is, but we learn to be such things and learn to unhurt where we’ve been bruised. My mind works like a shoe with an open mouth, my toes are crushed by metal beams and I’ve been meaning to love me for me again, this is where you come in. You see, I’ve noticed that through all of this, through the love and the poems, through the tears and the struggle to define myself– when we talk, as simple as it may seem, you still love me. You don’t ask for details. You don’t care if I hurt myself. You don’t care if I choose to live or if I choose to die. You just care that I wake up. You just care that I try, and darling, I’ve been trying for you. Now that you’re in my life, I’m still a mess, but I’m a mess I can live with. I’m a mess that can still be cleaned. I’m a mess and I know it, everyone does. I don’t smile properly, my head is all out of whack, my obsession with drugs stems from my lack of emotions, I claim to feel everything, but it’s a complete shut down, there is silence most of the time, too many thoughts can cause this. I’m scrambled. My words jump from place to place, one minute I’m fine the next I’m not okay, I’m a heartbeat hooked onto a stack of tnt, I’ve been meaning to blow and lighting my own fuse sounds like fun, this is a poem about my passion to love so often, they all leave, but it’s mainly because of me, right? This is where you come in. You’ve proven that that idea in itself is flawed. You know about me and my temper. You know about me and why I write so often. You know why I can’t. You know my patterns. You know my addictions. You know my flaws. You know that knowing isn’t half the battle, you know that feeling is. You feel my brain for more than information, you search for hope, you always tell me, if I lived to tell a tale, you’d be so damn proud of me. Well, darling, I want to be proud of myself too. I’m trying my hardest to not let you down. I shower you with poetry because you mean so much to me and yeah, I’m sick and tired of hiding behind these fucking metaphors, but that’s all I write. I can’t be like the greats. I can’t rhyme. I can barely finish a poem without the help of disgust. I still hate myself. I’m sick of who I am, I’m still so angry. You know, sometimes I cry and I don’t even understand it. It just comes out. It’s something in the lyrics. It’s something you wrote. It’s something I felt because I’m lonely and no one gets me, but the demons in my head, they’ve been sabotaging my insides and asking me to give up and I’ve been trying so hard, I try every fucking day. I do. There’s just so much anger and I’m not sure of the source. It’s like the rain, you know it’s coming. The sky is grey. The birds are acting funny. Dogs are barking. I feel sad more often than I do angry… I’m just so sad, what’s wrong with me? I know this has gone off track and yes, I’m bouncing back and forth and yes, this isn’t really a poem about anything, but they’ll still read it. They’ll still love it. They’ll still feel it. It’s relatable, right? It’s just another poem, right? There’s so much hate inside of me that some days I wonder if I created it within myself, maybe I’m the crazy one. Maybe none of this makes sense…

You know my manager told me something the other day…

He said:

don’t write the book, become the book.

I guess what I’m trying to say is…

On the days when I can’t think
On the days when I can’t see
On the days when I can’t smell
On the days when I can’t love
On the days when I can’t hear
On the days when I can’t taste

anything but fear, sorrow and anger

You would tell me:

don’t write the poetry, become the poetry.

I guess I’m trying to be poetic again…
They say that there’s nothing poetic about pain, well, I’ve always sucked with rules. I could never follow them. So fuck it.

I’m turning my pain into poetry.

—  imagery of the heart

Walking Through Details with @marcequevedo

For more fragments from Marcela’s travels, follow @marcequevedo on Instagram. For more stories from around the Spanish-speaking community, follow @instagramES.

(This interview was conducted in Spanish)

“I like things with fading color. I like to see the passing of time because time can tell you good stories,” says Marcela Quevedo (@marcequevedo), an industrial designer from San Luis Potosí, Mexico. Little details are also special to her: “I can go into an ice cream shop and be drawn to its decoration, but I’m not going to capture the entire place, so I focus on a detail that grabs my attention. It could be a messy wall that represents a nice mess.”

Her pictures also act as a way to relive memories. “The love of my life and I broke up, and I like to share things I experienced with him,” she says, adding, “For example, there’s a window with a little piggy somewhere, and for me, that represents a nice day because we ate corn right in front of that window. For me sharing a meal with someone I love is part of my daily life.”

Marcela travels constantly. “Most people go to well-known places, but sometimes I’m just on a road, I see something that catches my eye and I wonder, ‘Where will this little road take me?’ I venture into villages and there I usually find small details I truly like.”