you can star spangle my banner~

Gentle Touch

Bucky x OFC (Jules) /  Bucky’s POV

Summary: Where Bucky is so used to harsh, rough touches he never expected one to be so kind and loving. Realizing he’s been craving this kind of touch for years.

Word Count: 1,325

Warnings: Mention of abuse, touch deprived, language

A/N: I’m back!!!! I took a longer break than I originally planned, but school took up a bunch of my time and me taking on more projects I could handle. I also hit several walls the past few months, that left me lost, broken and down in the dumps. It’s been a struggle to get back on my feet and get my head in the game, but I’m here, I’m back and I’m doing so much better than I previously was! 

I’m gonna try to get back in the groove of posting fics regularly, so I hope you’re ready! Help Me and Motionless Series are STILL going! And tags are ALWAYS open! :D Thank you for being patient with me these past few months, hopefully, I won’t go that long without posting something again. So enjoy this one and let me know what you think!! :) 



Touch, it’s amazing how much can be said and shown through the power of touch. But it can be hard to forget how much pain, anger, and torment can be expressed by the power of touch. No touch for me was ever gentle. There was no love, compassion or care in the physical touches I experienced throughout my lifetime. Not once has anyone touched me unless pain followed, which it always did.

Keep reading

Reckless Part 3

SUMMARY: Years after a close call on a mission, emotions ran high, a reckless action, a reckless statement, made you leave behind the person you cared about most, who hurt you the most, Bucky Barnes. Can you and Bucky repair the damage and rekindle the spark that was once there? Or will it prove to be even more reckless than before?

CHARACTER(S): Bucky Barnes x Reader, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark, Nick Fury, Steve Rogers

WARNING: Tension. TENSION. I’m sorry.

A/N: I’m so sorry it took so long for Part 3, illness and vacation took over. But I hope you all enjoy this part. Things are going to get very very interesting. Also side-note: I’m thinking about creating a Spotify playlist to go along with this series. Anyone interested? Let me know down below or in my ask/mailbox. Buckle your seat belts and let the fun begin..

- ♠Grey

|Part 1|Part 2|Masterlist|

Originally posted by welcometoplanetrandom


“You all know her as Y/N Y/L/N. Previously your teammate, has served on the Hazard Squadron for four years now.” 

Derrick steps next to me, looking down at me with such pride. “And thanks to her marksman training, she has become one of the many highest ranking sharp-shooters. She has covered our backs, and I personally trust her with my life.” Touching my lower back giving me a reassuring touch.

“Looks like Tinkerbell finally got herself a Peter Pan. So sorry for your loss Wendy.” Tony dramatically turning towards Bucky cradling his heart. 

Out of my Peripheral vision I see Bucky’s jaw tighten, silently cursing Tony. Clearing my throat signalling Fury to continue. 

“As I was saying, Y/N is Derrick Dugan’s second in command, on the squadron. Previously located in central London, in the S.T.R.I.K.E. agency. The Hazard Squadron successfully helped disassemble the agency when it went rogue. Which is why I found it fitting to have them join and help in this operation.”

“How long until we infiltrate the base? As big as it is, it would be smart to wait until we have more backup like Clint and Sam correct?” Steve nods motioning to the layout of the HYDRA base.

“Yes, we are in no rush to disable the base, it will take a few weeks for us to get an accurate detailed layout of the base.” Fury says, shutting down the projector.

“A few weeks?” I clinch my jaw “Yes, we can’t take this operation lightly. Hazard squadron, over the next few week you will be training with the Avengers, just to get familiar with each other..”

“Sir, I was informed we would be here for a few days. I was also specifically informed this mission would be an in-and-out type operation.” Glaring at Derrick, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

“I just informed you what your mission is. Dugan I have more information to fill you in on, we’ll speak more about it in my office, this way.” Fury walks out the conference room.

“Yes sir.” Derrick avoids my glance, exiting the conference room.

“See, this is what happens when you don’t get the other person to approve your transfer papers.” Tony chuckles lowly, turning his chair around, looking me up and down. 

“Right now I strongly suggest you don’t, Stark.” I snap

“Well it’s nice to see you too Tinkerbell.” Tony  walks over holding my shoulders looking down at me “We should really catch up soon, oh wait, it looks like you’ll be staying back here in neverland with us lost boys for a while.”

“Will you cut it out?” Pushing his hands off my shoulder, pinching the bridge of my nose. “It appears to me you’ve gained more of a temper since you’ve left. I take it you weren’t told everything about the operation.”

“I won’t be needed for the entire operation, Fury seems to be confused.”

Steve walks towards me with those sympathetic blue eyes, “Y/N.. unfortunately Fury’s right, this won’t be an easy in-and-out mission. He wouldn’t have brought you back if we didn’t need additional back up.” 

“Besides we all could use this time to catch up. I think we all will benefit greatly from this.” Steve gave a small smile. 

“I’ll meet up with Banner to discuss our weaponry, physicals. Star spangled banner I assume you can take care of the daily training.” Tony mutters typing away on his phone. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. is Y/N’s room ready?

 “Ms. Y/N’s room is ready, she is on the fourth level.” 

Tony claps his hands together, “Wonderful, thank you. Wendy can show you to your room Tink. Try not to kill him in the process?” 

“I can manage it myself just fine thank you.” Walking out the room, I walk towards the elevators waiting for it to arrive. I sense someone walking behind me slowly. 

I turn slightly confirming if my guess was right, unfortunately it was. He’s watching me, silently debating if he should stay or turn back around.

“It’s not necessary for you to escort me to my room, I can manage just fine on my own.” I step onto the elevator pressing floor four. Bucky steps onto the elevator, never taking his eyes off of me. He’s staring so intensely as if he’ll blink and I’ll disappear. 

I keep my eyes trained to the floor studying the ripples in my boots, leaning against the wall. Of course we’re twenty floors from the fourth floor. My chest is tightening, I thought he’d have no effect on me after all this time. But his blue eyes are tracing every inch of me from head to toe. No Y/N breathe, you’re in control, don’t let him read you, stay in control. Don’t let someone who ruined you have this effect over you, you’re stronger than that


                                                      Bucky’s POV

It’s like seeing a ghost, a ghost that decides to reappear after four years. After four absent years of haunting me. Our last memory that we made, one full of pain, took over all of the fond ones. Her Y/E/C/ eyes that were full of humor, wit, kindness, now blank. 

I’ve only caught her eye once, she won’t look at me. That one glance full of all I can assume as, hatred. Maybe that’s my guilt resurfacing, making me see things. Or maybe it’s my mind, I’m certain it’s playing tricks on me right now. Because right now I’m seeing someone, someone I dreamed about seeing for years, with a much mature look. 

It’s possible to become even more… more beautiful? 

I can’t stop staring at her, I have to take her in, I’m afraid she’ll disappear again if I look away for even a second. I’m looking at her but I can’t really see her, she has so many walls up. 

My mouths going dry, my minds gone blank and I don’t know what to say but I need to say something. “I shouldn’t have let you go.” My eyes still trained to her face, searching for a hint. My hearts racing and my thoughts are jumbled. “I regret that day more than you can imagine, Y/N.” Stepping forward, reaching to touch her arm. 

She straightens taking a few steps away. She slowly turns her head looking up at me “In the end we have to live with our past mistakes. You can’t change the past nor your mistakes. You can only live with them and move forward.” 

She pauses, pushing the button for floor six. The elevator halts, the doors opening. Y/N walks off turning slowly continuing, “If I looked back at my past, that would be a bit… reckless… wouldn’t you say?” 

 The elevator doors closed.


Part 4



**Author’s Note: I hope you all enjoyed it! Please leave feedback, reblog, like, etc. I welcome it all, even suggestions.


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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS HOLBY CITY SHIT #21

-YOUNG STALIN & CURLY FRIES ARE RUNNING PARTNERS yaSSs #CURLY STALIN
-FULLY THOUGHT THAT PATIENT ON DARWIN WAS FR*N AND I SAID “OH FUCK OFF” OUT LOUD AND MY SISTER HEARD AND THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO START A FIGHT WITH HER😂
-YALE R U FUCKING KIDDING IF GOSSIP GURL DOESN’T TAKE THE PLACEMENT CAN I?? LOOK I SPEAK THE LANGUAGE HOT DOGS PATRIOTISM STAR-SPANGLED BANNER CAPITALISM MCDONALDS SEE LOOK I’M PRACTICALLY FLUENT M8
-JUST REALISED IF MY BAB GOSSIP GURL GOES IT AMERICA THEN ANOTHER BAB WILL BE GONE & WhaT wiLL hEr wiFE CHEEKBONES d0?? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO #CHEEKBONEZ, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHO WILL I DROOL OVER ON A REGULAR BASIS??
-“OH I’VE GOT LOTS OF GREAT PLANS - ONLY THEY’RE ALL IN MY HEAD” caN rELAte
-OH GOD CURLY FRIES DON’T YOU KNOW THAT NOBODY ON THIS SHOW EVER ACTUALLY JUST TALKS ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS WITH THE PERSON THEY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT ARE YOU DOiNg
-I WANT YOUNG STALIN TO HAVE A TOTALLY PLAIN SAILING LIFE AFTER THE WHOLE ABUSE DEBACLE BUT I ALSO WANT HIS DATE TO GO TOTALLY SHIT BECAUSE #CURLY STALIN
-“YOU PUT ALL OUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET” THIS IS GIVING ME WAR FLASHBACKS TO LOVE ISLAND
-NEW KID™ BOIII STOP PROJECTING I MEAN JEEZ
-MANS CAN’T BE MAKING ME FEEL SORRY FOR LITTLE TWAT LIKE THIS BECAUSE I NEED PEOPLE DISLIKE OKAY
-FUCK SAKE WHY ARE MY EYES WATERING FFS WHY CAN’T PEOPLE JUST LET ME HATE PEOPLE IT’S NOT FAIR
-STARTING TO THINK THAT THE ONLY REASON BIG POPPA WANTS NEW KID TO STAY ON THE WARD IS BECAUSE HE THINKS THE SCRUBS BRING OUT THE BLUE IN HIS EYES BC I CAN’T SEE ANY OTHER REASON WHY HE WANT HIM ON AAU ATM
-CHEEKBONES IS PISSED AND IT’S KINDA HOT
-im such a liar it’s veryyyy hot
-YaS GOssIP gURL iS StAyING yEahhh boii -SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT(unlike me hehe boi), LITTLE TWAT IS STAYING TO SPY ON NEW KID & GOSSIP GURL’S RELATIONSHIP, NEW KID IS GOING TO DARWIN TO SPY ON GOSSIP GURL & LITTLE TWAT’S RELATIONSHIP, AND GOSSIP GURL IS GOING TO NEURO TO SPY ON LITTLE TWAT’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS OWN EGO, aND ALL OF THEM H8 IT AND R DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY WANT TO BE DOING ANd IT’S FINE BECAUSE THEY ARE SAYING THEY “LOVE IT” AND THEY ARE “FOLLOWING THEIR DREAMS” whEn theY ARe acTUaLLy f0LL0winG thEir niGhTmarEs?? jus wanted to clarify that

OVERALL THOUGHTS:
all this hetro shite is making me miss my lesbians (and my bi gal bambi)

anonymous asked:

I saw your post about Total Eclipse and Karaoke night and I just imagined them singing 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy' and Bucky memorized the Anderson Sisters' dance and dances right along with it. Steve laughs so hard he can barely breathe but Bucky just keeps singing and dancing like it ain't no thang.

Tony waved his hands frantically. “JARVIS, JARVIS–stop. Shut it down, JARVIS. Remove song from library. Delete karaoke protocol.” Tony froze in horror as he witnessed Captain Star Spangled Banner and wannabe Iron Man (seriously–just one arm?) sharing a mic, faces inches away from one another. “Oh my god, I feel an anxiety attack coming.” Pepper rolled her eyes and shoved a mic in his hands. “We’re next. Pick a good song.”

ANON THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU A LOT RIGHT NOW

i bet nat and clint have got a whole routine down (IDK, MAYBE THERE WAS A MISSION) and thus the infamous Karaoke War begins. It’s brutal. Tears are shed. Bruce hulks out.

(Sam wins with Beyonce)

Reckless Part 5

SUMMARY: Years after a close call on a mission, emotions ran high, a reckless action, a reckless statement, made you leave behind the person you cared about most, who hurt you the most, Bucky Barnes. Can you and Bucky repair the damage and rekindle the spark that was once there? Or will it prove to be even more reckless than before?

CHARACTER(S): Bucky Barnes x Reader

WARNING: Feels.

A/N: Hello my loves, here it is Part 5. This will be all Bucky, how he coped without Y/N, italics are for flashbacks. Thank you sooo much to the amazing @unidentifiedanonfics, she really helped me out with this chapter, with ideas and how to make everything flow instead of jumbled. She has such an incredible mind and soul, she’s been such a great support of this series. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

- ♠Grey

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |


Originally posted by skylerlockerbie


One month. She’s been gone for one month now. It’s been one month since she silently packed all of her clothes, turned in her transfer papers, leaving without a goodbye. It’s been one month since I’ve slept well, sleeping means I’m five more steps behind trying to find her.

Six months. She’s been gone for six months now.  I’ve been trying to locate her, I’ve called her over and over. I even managed to send a proper text message. One day I got a text message back saying the number was unable to receive messages at that time. I tried again and again, I eventually had to ask Stark what it meant since technology and texting isn’t in my nature.

“It’s the same number, why does it say it’s unavailable? ” I ask puzzled. “Barnes, she’s disconnected her phone.” Stark hands the phone back to me returning to his work. “That’s it? You can’t do anything else? Can’t you find out something else, like a- a- number or something? You’ve got all this stuff in here can’t it do that?” My voice starting to climb.

“No Barnes I can’t.” Stark retorts

“Why not?” I’m bubbling with rage “Do something! You need to do something. Find her!!” I yell shoving his work desk of tools over.

Stark stands up angrily shouting “I can’t do anything Barnes! I don’t even know where she is.” Tony paces back and forth running a hand over his face “She’s gone, Barnes. You have yourself to thank for that.”

Those words repeated in my head for weeks after that. I did my best to avoid Stark, every time I saw his face I wanted to punch it in. But I knew he was right, that’s what made boiling rage worse.

Ten months. Ten months since she’s been gone. I never realized how addicted I was to her. She was like my drug that kept me going, kept me together, kept me wanting more. Now I’m going through withdrawals. The countless sleepless nights awaken by nightmares, tonight was no different. Laying in bed makes the anxiety worse, I decided to walk the halls.

I walk through the common room to the kitchen. I stayed in my room during dinner time, again, my stomachs growling but I don’t have a taste for anything.

I grab a glass of water, attempt to take a sip. I can’t even make that go down. I walk back to the common room, look at the bookshelf, hopefully reading will take my mind off of everything. I randomly pick up a brown leather bound book. Dusting it off a bit, I open it and its full of pictures. She’s in it, my chest feels tight, my eyes sting with tears. I see her all the time in my mins, she haunts me in my nightmares. But, to actually see her smiling happy face. How could I forget that about her? How could I forget her..? I forgot her face? I forgot her face. The tears stream down my face, my chin won’t stop quivering. I’m losing control, no, I can’t lose control now. I’ve held it together for this long. I’m losing control. The erratic breathing gets louder, my silent tears turn to painful audible sobs. I curl on to the floor, leaning against the wall for support. I hear footsteps, running down the hall. The acute hearing, my loud sobs can’t stop that, which makes it more painful. “Y/N?” Rocking back and forth I shout. “Buck, buck what’s wrong?” I cover my ears, rocking back and forth. The sobbing, the noises. “Please y/n… make it stop. Wake me up, wake me up.“ Hands rest on my shoulders, shaking me urgently. “Bucky!? Buck, look at me. You need to breathe, what happened?” Its Steve. "Bucky, it’s me, it’s Steve. Open your eyes Buck, it’s me! I got you pal, you’re okay. I’m here!” Sobbing uncontrollably “I forgot her face Steve. I forgot her.. face. Steve, I for…got.. her face.” My sobs turn to screams. I’m Inconsolable.

1 year. A full year without any word from her. A year of her not in my life, not here with me. These sleepless nights have become difficult to cope with. Steve checks in on me, but his comfort only does so much.  Her touch was the oxygen that refilled my burning lungs after the suffocating nightmares. I’m not very social, I look at their faces, when they look at me I can see they blame me for what happened. It could be my own paranoid conscience and guilt bubbling over. 

1 year and 8 months. 1 year, 8 months, 3 days, and 10 hours since she’s been gone. She can stop playing this little game now. No one has heard from her, no one knows her location. I hate her for this, for all of this. I’m so angry at her, at myself, at the team for giving up on finding her. I’m trying to forget her, forget all that we did and shared. But a woman like her, you can’t forget her. She was like a fingerprint, each uniquely leave an impression. She was? Is? I’m not sure what she’s like now. Because she’s like some god dang ghost, no updated file, no nothing. How can she just disappear like this? She’s proven her point, I messed up, I shouldn’t have said what I said. But her thoughtless self playing this game of charades, not wanting to be found? Everyone thinks I’m overreacting, telling me I need to move on. I can’t and I won’t. For god’s sake Y/N, you’ve proven your point. I hate you for making me go through this, haven’t you punished me enough? 

2 years. 2 years of her absents. I’m not angry at you anymore. I shouldn’t have said I hated you, because doll I could never hate you. Oh how many times I tried, but I can only hate myself for everything. Steve made me go to some art museum with him. He told me that Y/N loved going with him. She loved it even more when they added that one artist she was so drawn to. Vincent Van Gogh. To hear that woman describe his story and paintings over and over again. I asked her one day why she was so captivated by him. 

Staring thoughtfully processing her answer she starts, He was such a misunderstood man, so broken, so alone. No one noticed him, he was used and abused by others and his own mind. He expressed himself through his paintings, they expressed his happiness, pain, sadness. Starry Night, Ugh Bucky, this painting is powerful. So full of wonder, he put his heart and soul into this.” 

The way her eyes lit up, full of affection, sympathy, complete and total awe. “Well, that Van Gogh guy would’ve been a lucky bastard to have met and been with you.” She tilts her head slightly, with a sly smile “Van Gogh wouldn’t be able to match the masterpiece I already hold deep in my soul. A piece called James Buchanan. Ever heard him? A true masterpiece.” Giving the most beautiful smile, she stares at me, turning away slowly breaking away, returns her attention back to ‘Starry Night’. That moment and that day, Y/N Y/L/N owned my heart.

Steve and I make our way through the entire museum. I see a bookshop full of art books, “Hey Steve, I’ll meet you at the front doors okay?” I entire the store before he could answer.

That day I returned home with seven Van Gogh books. Three with different perspectives of his life, three describing his paintings in great detail, and the last one of Starry Night. I spent the rest of the day and night reading every single one.

It made me feel closer to you. Like I now have a piece of you.

2 years 8 months. They keep trying to bring in these new recruits, they are weak and mindless agents. A group of imbeciles, they can barely shoot a gun straight or take a hit. Natasha and Steve are training them, I tell them repeatedly that we don’t need another recruit, and that ‘she’ll’ be back. Again, no one listens to me, again and again they bring in new recruits. I make sure to make their life a living hell, they never make it throw the 5-week trial run. Congratulations Y/N, look at what you’ve done. Look at the monster you’ve created.

3 years and 6 months. Slamming open the door, Natasha storms through throwing a file on Fury’s desk. “That is a file full of the six, six agents we’ve tried to train. Five of them lasted two months, the sixth lasted only one month. Do you know why they left?” Fury taking a deep breath just blinks in response. “Because the идиотский (idiotic) Barnes makes it absolutely impossible for them to stay. He punched one of the recruits square in the jaw so hard he broke it. He has become a rageful monster. We can barely stand him, you know it’s a problem when star spangled banner almost punched him through a wall. Thor had to pull them apart. Banner was so fed up he almost went full Hulk mode. "What are you requesting Romanoff?" 

"Fix it. Or I will.” Natasha bites. Fury picks up his comm quickly dialing  waiting for the receiving caller to pickup. “Sargent Barnes, please report to my office at 17:00."Fury takes out his comm, turning back to Natasha. “He’ll be ordered to do desk duty for a few moths, and private sessions with Banner. In that amount of time it should give him a clear head.  Natasha’s looking out at the view, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves "He needs her. We all do.”

3 years and 10 months. Dysfunctional yet functional. I’m finally off of that rotten disk duty. I’m trying to functioning as best as I can. Attempting to have a routine, an everyday routine I eat, sleep - as best as I can, Shower, hold light conversations, train, missions, repeat. I don’t hate her anymore, I never truly did, I just was angry. Thinking of the good times we had helps me get through everyday life. Sam may make another joke, I think about what witty comeback she would’ve had. Natasha now prefers to watch TV alone, Y/N was the one she’d ‘watch’ it with, it typically would watch them have intense deep conversations. Natasha doesn’t have the spark in her eyes anymore, like the others, the lights been dimmed without her presence. The presence that is no longer spoken of. A name that is no longer uttered. 

4 years. Stable. The word  I’d use to describe my current state. The nightmares aren’t regular, they come and go. The loneliness still lingers, but not as much. She’s still all I want, but at this point I was the cause of her vanishing act. I’ve come to accept it, doesn’t mean I like it. But we have to learn from our mistakes and move on right? God Y/N, I can’t forget you, you were like that one painting you always talked about. Starry Night - your favorite. I always associated that painting with you. So full of wonder, mystery, yet full of vivid beautiful colors. You were and always will be my starry night, Doll. 

Fury called everyone directly to the boardroom after our away mission for an urgent meeting. We’ve all been trying to prep for the arrival of the two agents. Steve keeps trying to convince me that working with people we don’t know will pan out well. No one has been very vocal about these two new additions, that’s a sign that not everyone is on board with it. We take our seats waiting for Fury, something about this meeting, it’s making me feel anxious.“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind Barnes.” Natasha mutters
“I don’t think it’s a hidden secret that I’m uneasy about the two new operatives.”
“Mmm.” She stares at me. Natasha keeps looking at me from across the table, she’s fidgeting in her seat. She knows somethings up, but what? 

“What?” I asked perplexed, she doesn’t answer.
Fury walks into the room “Team, as you know I have requested two more operatives to assist on the upcoming Hydra mission. I’d like to introduce to you Derrick Dugan. He is the leader of the Elite Shadow Squadron. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all, I look forward working with you all. I know this will not be an easy task, but I hope we can all make this transition go smooth. I’ve brought with me my second in command, Zero.“Zero? As in he has zero tolerance for bad behavior? Or going to give out Zeros on all of our report cards?” Tony blurts out walking around the table
“No Mr. Stark, she never misses a target, and we have had zero incidents thanks to her outstanding marksmanship. Zero, is the codename we call her on the squadron, a title she’s earned.” Derrick steps to the side extending his arm, directing our attention to the door.
Fury walks over to the door greeting the figure in heeled black tactical boots with a fitted body suit to match. I can catch a glimpse of her short y/h/c hair, then she turns facing forward. A face that I could never forget in a million years, even if I tried.“You all know her as…”
My breath hitched in my throat, I mutter “Y/N”.

Catching her name being called she glances in my direction. Briefly making eye contact, eyes that once full of light and life, now lifeless. 

My current State: Unstable.


**AUTHOR’S NOTE: I hope you all enjoyed it! Please leave feedback, reblog, like, etc. I welcome it all, even suggestions. Until the next chapter!

IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE ‘RECKLESS’ SERIES TAG LIST, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. OR IF YOU’D WISH TO BE REMOVED, ALSO LET ME KNOW.

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FAREWELL

Here I lay, this is my legacy

It can’t be, it wasn’t all heavenly!

I heard the bullets, oh the bullets!!

Faces flashing, oh it can’t be!!

This is not the end, Oh let it not be.

Oh my Love, I am dying

You for one were worth all living.

What did I earn, what did I learn?

I followed a banner and let myself burn

Oh! Comrade, my brother in arms

Pack up your cases and return to your farms

For there is life in the grasses,

But only dirt in this carcass.

Be the Sun, share the glow

Gaze at the river as it flows!!

Kiss your woman, make some love.

Go Home, for you can now

There is nothing to win here

But a Star - spangled Banner!

White America and The Opinions Of Black Celebrities: Part 2,651

I was sitting in a restaurant when I heard it. A restaurant much like any other restaurant that is acutely aware of its pretentiousness. Just imagine a place where all the patrons drink Fernet Branca, quote Jaden Smith unironically, and wear sunglasses regardless of the time of day or them being inside an actual, y'know, establishment with it’s own lighting. Busy as I was by being so deeply committed to this douche-esque thoughtful critique of my environment while simultaneously glided over the implications of my character by willingly being there when it happened.

“I mean *jowl assisted chuckle* how can he say that with his millions and millions of dollars. I don’t see him going to the inner city to help any of these people he’s talking about. Just shut up and stick to football, you know.”

It doesn’t take a morphine-addicted Sherlock Holmes to deduce that he was talking about San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Who famously remained seated during last Friday’s Star-Spangled Banner number before a preseason game. He clarified his actions by saying “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. … There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.” A sentiment that I wholly endorse, which in turn makes my resentment of Blake McDoucheface IV (I’m sure it’s not far from his real name.)

Much like the luggage of anyone who’s prepared a bug-out bag in case Trump is elected, there’s a lot to unpack here. I’m doing this by way of writing while stewing and replaying that statement over and over in my head. As potentially ignorant as it may sound, I didn’t have to turn around to confirm the skin complexion of the person who made a comment so stupid they must’ve brought it second hand from the trunk of Johnny Depp’s assistant. Nor did I have to have any particular insight into who they are to know that they’re probably the type to insist, laboriously, that GamerGate was about “ethics in video game journalism” or some other vinegar-based horseshit instead of a poorly-acted charade to assault people who have the gall to possess an actual vagina. So, I’m writing this in the interest of expediency and my own personal decompression.(Very counter productive for me if some random brochella jerk were to catch these hands like the Zika Virus.) So lets’s pick this stale ass turkey apart piece by piece:

  • If the basic movement of your mouth and jaw is wholly dependent on the rolls of fat you have stored there like newspapers on A&E’s Hoarders, then maybe you shouldn’t be so critical of someone exercising their, peaceful yet deafening, freedom of expression. After all, you’ve expressed your, peaceful yet deafening, freedom to abstain from having a neck that doesn’t look like a belly in it’s third-trimester of pregnancy with ballpark franks.
  • Where on the conventional metric of financial success does someone lose the right to speak about injustice? Is it somewhere between “I Shop At Whole Foods” and “Yes, I Do Own A Bidet. Why Do You Ask?”. I really want to know, because the subtext in someone contending that his millions somehow makes him immune/oblivious to structural racism is dumber than the entire concept of ass to mouth. One could argue that, because of his status and the large platform by which he has to speak, he has a moral obligation to call out breaches of integrity concerning law enforcement. Especially in regards to people who live in communities so unfairly targeted that the frickin’ Department of Justice basically had to step in and stop cops from treating Baltimore citizens like dark-skinned black men treat women in Tyler Perry movies. No one would be talking about Colin Kaepernick, the Ikea Sales Associate. No one would give a roasted fuck if Colin Kaepernick, Google Fiber Representative, said this in between annoyingly enthusiastic sales pitches for faster-than-ever Internet. Say what you will about the societal implications, but his fame and fortune grant him a bigger voice than the rest of us.
  • We all know that when someone uses the term “inner city” and “these people,” what they’re actually referring to is niggers and nigger babies. Just once, I would love to hear a white person refer to a group of black and brown children as “nigger babies.” I wouldn’t even be upset. I’d just breathe a prolonged sigh of relief that someone finally decided to be honest instead of burying their dog whistle racism under dulcet tones of condescension and white guilt. Also, I think people forget how real change is affected. Just throwing money at a situation does nothing to remedy the actual problem of economic disenfranchisement, institutional and systemic racism prevalent in both state and federal levels of government, and the fact that most people of color simply inhabit a different space than their white counterparts. This is why you don’t just keep throwing ACE bandages at the women in battered womens shelters after giving them all 30-second pep talks. It’s why you don’t expect the drug flow within challenged communities to stop once you’ve arrested the dude that does all of his deals in the bathroom of the Arby’s on Peachtree. You identify and strategize against the root of the problem. That problem being how some Americans can confuse patriotism with jingoism and simultaneously ignoring the struggles of their fellow countrymen with such ease you’d think all of black America was Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense.
  • “Just stick to football.” This is the most egregious of all, at least to me. If this were the only sentiment the gentleman had expressed that I overheard, it would have been enough for me to transform into some kind of Black Rage Hulk. Rampaging throughout the streets of Atlanta while reciting excerpts from every Ta-Nehisi Coates article I’ve ever read. This implies that a black celebrity’s only value is that by which they’ve achieved fame. That they are stripped of all thought, intellectual or otherwise, agency, and capacity to grasp issues larger than themselves. Essentially, that we are all nothing but vessels from which you derive your entertainment. This is evident every time a Black celebrity expresses an opinion formulated through observation and simple deductive reasoning. We are more than just repositories for catchy pop culture phrases and ephemeral dance crazes. The fact that we keep asserting asserting as much is guaranteed to ruffle the feathers of White America more than Michelle Obama speaking common facts by saying that slaves built the White House.

I suppose that maybe these four cups of coffee, glass of Buffalo Trace Bourbon neat, and the most delightful cucumber tea sandwich I’ve ever had has made me more than a touch sensitive. Maybe I’m just reacting to this poor fellow’s statement from a place of indignation that’s only heated by the small proximity I have from when I initially heard the news. That is also a possibility. But, chances are, I’m not overly sensitive nor too caught within the moment to see a situation for what it clearly is: A large number of people saying that the flag is the quintessential representation of what it means to be free. And to exercise that freedom by protesting what amounts to a racist 19th-century pop ballad (think Ted Nugent and Toby Keith getting drunk on moonshine after watching Civil War reenactments somewhere in southern Arizona. Then writing a song on the back of a of Trump/Pence shirt they bought at a yard sale. That song would be the Star-Spangled Banner.) It’s enough of a logical quagmire to make your teeth itch, and you’re eyes bleed, but enough people seem to think it makes perfect sense. Clearly, I have a lot to learn from “these people.”

The Sweetest Song

Characters: Sam x Reader

Words: 1931

Summary: Sam and the Reader meet in strange circumstances, but their loves flourishes, as do their careers.

This is my entry for @teamfreewill-imagine and @latinenglishfandomblog  ‘s Sam’s Sixty June Jobs challenge! My profession was record producer, and as you can see, it kinda got a little crazy. Haha :)

This is also my entry for week 4 of my own Supernatural Hiatus Writing Challenge! This week’s quote is, “Be quiet, they’ll hear you.” 

So, as always, enjoy! :)

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