you can only tell me your opinion if you feel comfortable about me knowing it

anonymous asked:

what's your opinion on self diagnosis?

i try very hard to avoid doing it to myself personally because i think when you’re feeling like shit or disconnected or anything like that you try to find reasons why. you try to make sense out of it and so you look at any possible reasons you can and try to tell yourself its just a condition that you need medical help for instead of something thats only there because of your life at the moment. my approach is generally that if i feel strongly enough about a possible condition that i’m almost certain that i have it, i still dont know for sure enough to say i have it until i talk to a professional about it. i know i experience a lot of social anxiety and anxiety in general but i dont feel comfortable with saying i have an anxiety disorder until i get it confirmed by someone with the qualifications to do so, for example. 
that being said, this is only for me. if someone tells me they have depression, or anxiety, or anything else in the same wheelhouse, i wouldnt doubt it for a second because i dont and cant know more about what goes on in their head than they do. plus, its very possible that they cant get a professional opinion just because of their personal situation so it’d be incredibly unfair to say that they dont have the thing they have because they havent seen a professional about it. this answer is about my own approach to it, nothing more.

Reasons to ship Camren…

  • They have matching onesies; Lauren’s one is gray whilst Camila’s is pink.
  • They’re both Cuban.
  • They’re both from Miami, Florida.
  • Both are Latinas.
  • Lauren and Camila got the most solos in The X Factor performances.
  • They are both big fans of One Direction.
  • They both auditioned in Greensboro, North Carolina.
  • They both have a younger sister.
  • They hung out with each other on December 31st, 2012 to January 1st, 2013. They then tweeted a photo of Camila making a funny face and Lauren looking awkward.
  • Spanish was both their first language.
  • They live 15 minutes away from each other.
  • They often switch places with the other girls so they can sit next to each other.
  • They both love to do accents with each other.
  • They often think the same things at the same time.
  • They both have a weakness: Lauren for beanies and Camila for bows.
  • Lauren is the only one who calls Camila Camz.
  • Camila said if Lauren got arrested for something, she would get arrested for being so sweet.
  • They sat right next to each other at a The 1975 concert.
  • They have the same music taste.
  • Lauren said Camila is her “Pink Princess”.
  • Lauren is the “mom”…and Camila is the “father”.
  • Camila thinks Lauren is a “boss of an intelligent opinion”.
  • Camila thinks Lauren “is real”.
  • Camila would switch her mind with Lauren.
  • Lauren would switch her mind with Camila.
  • Camila wanted Lauren to kiss her under the mistletoe.
  • They wear the same “merch” clothes.
  • The way Lauren looks at Camila after she says “Fall, by Ed Sheeran”.
  • Lauren is Camila’s celebrity crush. (Oh … and Camila wants to marry with her celebrity crush ..even if her family doesn’t support the relationship.)
  • Camila would be "Baby Spice” because she is Lauren’s baby.
  • Lauren is the only person who laughs at Camila’s jokes.
  • Camila loves Lern Jerg.
  • Because Lauren helps her when her banana is dead on the floor.
  • Because Lauren helps her when her microphone breaks.
  • Because Lauren ties her shoes.
  • Camila is the sun and Lauren the moon.
  • Because Lauren doesn’t know what else to say but she thinks Camila is pretty fucking Dope!
  • Because Camila has Lauren “written on her”.
  • Because Camila read Lauren’s favorite book.
  • Because Lauren knows that Camila cried reading “Fault in Our Stars”.
  • Because one day Camila and Lauren went to the bathroom together and … that’s the end of the conversation!
  • Because Camila thinks Lauren can sing and is pretty too.
  • Because they have an audience that calls them crazy! (and they call us delusional!)
  • Because both like “so many hot boys”.
  • Because Camila said: “keep the boat floating”.
  • Because Lauren said “It’s Camren, YOOO!.
  • Because Lauren wants someone to love her insecurities…and Camila do!
  • Because Lauren has “the most beautiful emerald eyes in the world”.
  • Because Camila thinks Lauren is “perfect”.
  • Camila tried salmon because Lauren loves sushi.
  • Because Lauren thinks Camila is goofy, not the bad kind goofy, the cute kind goofy.
  • Because Camila loves people from “planet green eyes”.

Extra:

  • I love you. You’re one of my best friends and I feel like I’ve know you forever. You’re one of the smartest people I know and you’re stuning. I’ve learned a lot from you, just know I’ll always be here for you no matter what!” - Camila on Lauren
  • Happy 16th Birthday little one(: thank you for always being you and being one of the raddest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. You’re an incredible person and I’m extremely lucky to have you in my life. Thanks for being there to vent with and even though we haven’t known each other for even a year yet, I feel like you’re the sister God forgot to give me. I love you Camzi(: have a good one babe! 💙😘🎉🎈🎁💙#camren” - Lauren on Camila


  • Happy 17th Birthday to this little nugget right here. I thought this picture was cute so I decided it would suffice. Just wanted to let you know that you’re an amazing beautiful person and I’m glad that you’ve been alive for 17 years and that 2 of them have been spent with the girls and I because idk you’re pretty rad and an amazing friend and fun to have around. I hope you have an amazing day and feel as special today as you deserve to feel everyday. Thanks for always being there for me when I need you and for being your wonderful self(: I LOVE YOU CAMZ” - Lauren on Camila


  • AWHHHHH YAAAY I LOVE YOU UR CUTE 🐏🐟💗🎷” - Camila on Lauren


  • The word I’d use to describe Camila is hmm I’m gonna say cutesy, like also goofy. It’s like both, like the good kind of goofy not the weird kind. Like the cutesy kinda goofy” - Lauren on Camila


  • LERN JERGI. ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY. YOU ARE 18. THIS IS THE MOMENT YOUVE BEEN WAITING FOR. IF YOU STUCK YOUR TONGUE OUT IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW YOU COULD PROBABLY TASTE THE SWEET AND PUNGENT FREEDOM OF DRAGONFLY TATTOOS, NOSE PIERCINGS, AND VOTING RIGHTS. we’ve been through thick and thin in our friendship, and through those thick and thins I’ve gotten blessed enough to experience you as a person. ive gotten to experience your bomb music taste which I am SO HAPPY YOU INTRODUCED ME TO because we have the best time at concerts bonding over bands and there are so many more to come PRAISE JESUS. i can come to you about anything and expect the pure, honest, rare truth and I’ll always be there tell you it’ll be okay when you cry on my shoulder when you feel lonely or hurt. I’ve gotten to see firsthand your incredible sense of justice, when you see that something unfair or wrong has happened, you’ll raise your voice and fight for that person with a bravery that I, and many other people (although they might not admit it) wish they had. i love how passionately you fight for what you think is right and everyone should remind you today and everyday that it’s a strength and not a weakness. i can’t tell you what a comfort it is to know someone like you will stick up for me and have my back, i hope you know i will too. i love you always” - Camila on Lauren


  • Super cute candids taken by a random stranger always make good birthday post pics. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY CAMILA CABELLO. YOU’RE LEGAL NOW YAYYY!!!!!! You are such a beautiful person inside and out and I’m so thankful that I get to call you my friend. Thanks for all the laughs, for being my shoulder to cry on whenever I’ve needed a friend, for giving amazing sound advice (even though you’re just now considered an adult by the government you’ve been there mentally for a while which I greatly appreciate) I wish you many more years of amazingness and I hope you had the best day with your family. You deserve all the love and happiness the world has to offer and I wish it all upon you for many many years to come. I LOVE YOU CAMZZZZ❤️❤️❤️” - Lauren on Camila


  • HAPPY 19TH LAUREN!! i remember the day you auditioned for X factor seeing a beautiful green eyed girl belt out an Alicia keys song so perfectly i feared for my life. i remember telling my mom "that girl can sing!! and she’s gorgeous too!!” and then you walked out and i told you i loved your shirt remember? HAHAHA. it’s funny how before we even knew how important we were going to be to each other, something in us knew and something in us will always know. i love how fiercely you defend your opinion, i love your strength, your bold independence, and your desire to live life fully. i love that we crack up at each other’s jokes even when nobody else gets them- and i love those moments where we get caught up in talking about a band or a book and we get lost in the conversation like two normal girls in high school that aren’t about to go do something ridiculous like go to an awards show. i will always be there for you when you need someone to vent to, when you want to talk about the overwhelming underwhelmingness of boys that break our hearts or the overwhelming overwhelmingness of when a kiss leaves your head reeling, when i back you up and you need someone to stick up for you, or when you just need someone to understand- we’ve done that for each other in the last 3 years and we will do that for each other forevermore. i love you so much !!!! happy 19th lern jergi!!!!! camila“ - Camila on Lauren

Collision Course; Voltron Legendary Defender AU: Dads of Marmora; gen; 5,300+ words; PG-13; mentions of violence, tiny hints of Ulaz/Thace, but so little you have to squint with a telescope or something

Credit for this AU goes to @drisrt and this amazing picture that inspired this story. Also some lines of the dialogue are taken from the Blades of Marmora episode of Voltron.

Posted on AO3, too.

Summary:

Keith gets adopted by the Galra empire rebellion, basically.

Keith has barely three years of life on his cells, has barely grown up to his Father’s knees and into his Mother’s laugh when he’s thrown into the first sense of flying, of fleeing, of his Father solemnly reading through the coordinates Keith doesn’t understand, that Keith thinks are just a pretty game of lights, lights that remind him of his Mom’s knife.

He’s holding it, holding onto it, tries to find the connection between the numbers and the faintest of glows, illuminating the insides of his fingers, misses how his Dad flinches when he asks: “When will Mom catch up to us?” already sleepy, already curling up beneath the safety straps of his seat.

Gently, his Father’s jacket is tucked around him and the scent is the lullaby that sings him into dazed, motionless dreams, the remnants of home, the flickers of the unknown.

(He sleeps through the harsh descent, the crib of his Father’s arms, the hushed ambush, the quietest of heists.)

He sleeps through it all.

Keep reading

10 Things to learn to improve your tumblr experience.

1. Learn to post for yourself, and only for yourself. It doesn’t help anyone when you only post and reblog things because they are popular at the time. You may think people won’t notice, but your followers do. Never lie to yourself. Your blog is your own. Use it.

2. Learn that not every fight must be fought. Sometimes it’s easier to just step away from a problem that triggers you too much - and that’s absolutely okay. You don’t have to fight things that you don’t feel comfortable to fight. You are allowed to step away.

3. Learn that you cannot please everyone. As soon as you start to put yourself out there people will come at you. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to be the nicest, informed, and open-minded towards everyone. You will always offend someone. When someone searches for something to attack you, let me tell you they will find something. You have to accept that not everyone can be pleased. It’s hard, but it’s reality.

4. Learn to ignore anon hate or hate in general. People who want to hate you will hate you. You cannot do anything against it. Breath. Delete. Go on. Those people are not worth your time.

5. Learn that it is okay to click away. Tumblr is loud about voicing opinions, shipping and social justice. Sometimes from people who are not as educated as they try to give the impression and search for any little nag to push limits. Don’t start a fight. It won’t do anything good here on tumblr. If you feel the need to do something against social injustice go out and do it yourself. Don’t do it behind a screen. It leads to nothing except hate and venom and people trying to gut each other out. If you read something that just riles you really up - be it about a series or a pairing or something social or whatever - just click away. It brings nothing. You will only feel more angered when the person answers and it will go back and forth and back and forth and - time you could use to do something else more productively. And with less stress.

6. Learn that your opinion =/= the opinion of someone else. You might like x pairing, while someone else thinks it is disgusting. Or the other way around. Learn to accept these things and leave it be. What good does it bring to try and force your opinion onto someone else? You’re not a dictator. Everyone is free to have their own opinion. Just like yourself.

7. Learn to respect people. Learn to respect artists and writers and - yes - edit makers too. Some people sit hours before their screens to produce something. They don’t write/draw/do edits for you - they share their stuff with you. If it is something you don’t like, just ignore it. Never tell them what they did wrong in your opinion - remember point 6. Your opinion is not theirs.  

8. Learn that attacking someone =/= educating someone. If someone doesn’t know something or said something harmful in a post, don’t attack them immediately. Often these people are just not educated about the subject. Going into their askbox and leaving hateful, sometimes vile messages and calling them names or even threatening them will lead to nothing. If you really want to reach out to them try to send a polite message. Check their age. Most people who react like this are surprisingly young. If they block off and don’t want to be educated, no matter their age, there’s nothing you can do. Swallow your anger and click away. It’s not worth it. The real world still waits for you after you log off and hating on a stranger brings you nothing.

9. Learn that no one is perfect. Definitely not you. People make mistakes. Learn to forgive and move on. Holding a grudge brings only sorrow and misery.

10. Learn that tumblr is not the world. The real world is so much worse. Try to enjoy your time here instead of letting it ruin you.

FACTS ABOUT CONNOR MURPHY (spoilers)

So I have decided to post all the facts and hints about Connor Murphy’s past that are shown in the musical. It’s hard to make out considering people in the fandom usually focus on the lies Evan tells to figure out Connor’s personality.

To get this conclusion (which I will post in a second) I literally skipped all scenes concerning Evan’s lies and went directly to the Murphy family and what they say. None of these facts/hints involve what Evan said about Connor.

First of all, I’ll say now that I have put my own interpretation on each of these facts.

And so, I will put all FACTS in BOLD.
Anything out of bold is my own interpretation and how I see it to be. It’s up to you to agree with me or disagree.

First, I will post my conclusions on each family member, and then afterwards, I will post the reasons for each one.

Zoe

Zoe was an emotional and verbal abuse victim. There is no evidence of physical abuse, although there were threats that could have potentially led to that. She has all the right to not grieve over Connor, in all honesty, she could have sent him to the police for what he did, but as an abuse victim, that is very hard to do. Connor was probably the cause of most of her insecurities and she hated him for that. The unhealthy habit of taking out his anger on the nearest person to him probably made him lash out at his sister whenever he had a panic attack. Judging by how he really did care enough to keep the creepy letter about his sister, written by Evan, in his pocket for 3 days before he committed suicide, it’s safe to say that he really regretted being mean to his sister and actually cared about her.

Connor’s mom, Cynthia

Connor’s mom was a woman obsessed with reputation. She’s known as the rich man’s wife, and wants more than anything to be a regular family. But because her son had mental illnesses, her perfect image was ruined. She acted as though she was there for him but when it came down to it, she did nothing. She pushed for therapy but after a while, her husband took him out of it because “it wasn’t worth the money,” and she basically went, “welp, I tried.” I will quote what I say later: Connor’s mom might not actually be sad that her son is gone, but rather, she’s ashamed that her family actually doesn’t care. It seems like Connor’s mom is filled with regret for not being there for her son, and she’s forcing her family to act like they regretted it too, because that’s what a real family should have been like. But this is only a personal theory.

Connor’s dad, Larry

Connor’s dad might be one of the main sources of his depression. It is very obvious to me that Connor’s dad believed him to be a disappointment. He didn’t grieve for his dead son and only played along to make his wife happy. He’s annoyed by the whole situation. It even seemed like he hated the fact that there was fake remnants of his son in Evan. Almost like he wished Connor wasn’t friends with Evan so he could just forget all about him and not need to deal with it. At some point he was a kind father. When they went to the orchard together for picnics, it seems like they were a happy family. Connor’s dad had played with their toy plane together and had some great memories. The whole family practically forgot about this, though. Connor’s dad didn’t cry at his own dead son’s funeral. I think that sums it up.

Connor Murphy

Connor was a complicated person. He had many different mental illnesses. I could research which ones he probably had, but there’s probably already a post somewhere on it already. One thing for sure, is that he was unstable. He might not have been like that his whole life, but at the time of knowing him, the time he was briefly alive in the show, he was incredibly unstable. Everything and anything could set him off, and he probably hated that about himself as well. Pushing away everyone near him that could possibly help and hating himself for doing so, spiraling himself into a closed minded world of self-hate and regret, which is something that many people can relate to, including me. He did a lot of horrible things to his sister and to his family. I don’t blame his family for not actually grieving him, he was a really bad person. The problem is, he could have been a good person as well. He had all the potential to get better. He talked to Evan, probably wishing to say sorry about pushing him earlier in the hall. He was trying, he wanted to try. He wanted to get better. He just gave up too soon.

This post is very long! I’m sorry. If you’d like to read more, I’m putting the reasons I’ve come to these conclusions under the cut.

Remember, ALL FACTS ARE IN BOLD. Anything else is my personal interpretation.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey! If you're still taking prompts, could you write about neil and Andrew having a conversation about Neil's past? Like the stuff he had to do to survive and the stuff he went through with the worlds shittiest parents? Also I'm pretty sure neil has killed people like it makes complete sense so maybe andreil talking about that?

There’s a band of pale blue light nipping at the tops of the trees and sharpening the silhouettes of the houses, but everything else is fresh and dark. Andrew smokes with the pack clenched in his fist, the cherry of the cigarette winking at the street lamps winking at the orange moon.

Their front porch isn’t like the rush of the rooftop, but he can get that same jitter of fear from Neil nowadays, and he’s more portable. He’d left him knotted in the bedsheets an hour ago, and knowing he’s inside somewhere at his back is burning him up. Andrew inhales and focuses on the exhale, the way the smoke still tries to hurt him when it should’ve given up. He likes that nicotine doesn’t leave him alone.

Neil slips out the front door and lets the screen door clatter, and Andrew knows that he’s upset before he sits down two steps below Andrew, holding his own head.

He doesn’t ask; just smokes fervently. The moon bobs its head sympathetically, wind catches the smoke and breaks it over Neil’s head like water on rocks.

It occurs to Andrew that Neil isn’t going to start this conversation, because he likes to think things through on his own, solve them wrong, and tell Andrew about his mistakes later. He’s insufferably convinced of his own problem-solving abilities, then obsessed with the mechanism of his own missteps.

“What?” Andrew asks impatiently. He flicks ash from his cigarette and holds it out in front of Neil’s face. Neil sidles through his own tangled thinking for long enough to glance up. He leans forward and sucks the smoke from between Andrew’s fingers.

When he looks away, gusting smoke from his open mouth, he says, “Matt called. We fought.”

You fought,” Andrew guesses.

Neil looks agitated, blue in the choked light, eyes black and furious. “He was being unfair. He keeps trying to tell me what’s right or wrong lately, because he thinks I’ve been— been deprived, like my experiences were outside of humanity, or morality, and it’s so— condescending.”

“You’re only realizing this now? All of the foxes are condescending. It is the only way they can avoid their own failure.”

“This was different,” Neil says, shaking his head. “I can tell when they’re saying things because they want to see my reaction, and this wasn’t that. He meant what he was saying.”

“And what was that?”

Neil goes gagged silent. He shifts backwards up to Andrew’s stair without looking at him, settling into the groove worn into the wood.

“That killing someone makes you a monster. That murder is the worst thing you can do to a person.”

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anonymous asked:

pretty sure the followers are started to change ya. really wish you would act how you used to...

I’m getting a lot of complaints about me and my content lately saying that I’m turning into Marzia, that I’m not like I used to be and that I’m not what you want me to be, which I think is really unfair.

I’m trying my best to make content that I like, am comfortable making and that I think you guys will also appreciate.
I accept constructive criticism that can help me grow and learn wholeheartedly because I know how important it is to listen to your audience and take their viewpoints into account, but saying “you are not what you used to be” is not helpful. I cannot be what you want me to be 100% of the time and I’m not going to stay the same forever, just like you guys aren’t going to stay the same forever.

We are all people and we all change as we grow. If you don’t like it then I can only say I’m sorry…

That being said, if you really feel like I am changing for the worse then please tell me why, so that I can reflect on those things and hopefully do something about them.

Far too young to die

Request by @mr-robot-x : How would Jeff react when the reader dies in the accident instead of him. Clay and Justin support him.

A/N: I really enjoyed writing this, i listened to soooo many sad songs while writing this and idek how many times i watched my baby Jeff’s death scene and cried. Two of my friends read this and they cried. WE NEED TO PROTECT MY BABY, HE IS TOO PURE FOR THIS CRUEL WORLD

PLAYLIST

  • Saturn - Sleeping at last
  • If I die young - The band perry (iconic song in my opinion)
  • My immortal - Evanescence
  • People help the people - Birdy
  • Moments - One Direction 
  • The whole playlist for 13rw


Jeff’s POV

It was never supposed to happen this way. It should have been me! If that stupid stop sign wasn’t down and if I wasn’t drunk maybe things wouldn’t have ended this way.

*flashback* Y/N POV

As you got ready for the first party of the year, settling on a black romper and flats, you get a text from Jeff.

”be there by 20:30 x”

As you finished doing your hair, you heard your parents and who you presumed to be Jeff. As you walked into the kitchen it was as if he could sense your presence because he turned to you and flashed you a smile that was reserved only for you. You stood next to him and he wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a loving kiss on your forehead. The drive to Jessica’s house was in a comfortable silence, with you humming to the tune of whatever song was on the radio and Jeff focusing on the road and having his hand resting on your leg.

You both stayed together for the duration of the party, as usual. You decided it was best that you not drink seeing that Jeff decided to play beer pong and someone will have to be the designated driver. You saw Clay and Hannah together and it looked like things were going well. Anyone could see that they liked each other if you paid enough attention. It seemed like the two were just waiting for the other to make the first move. Jeff was really doing a good deed by helping Clay, and from what you’ve heard, Hannah deserves happiness after everything the people at this school has put her through.

It was getting late, so you decided it be best that you and Jeff leave before he gets too drunk, knowing that he will regret it tomorrow morning. As you drove, Jeff filled the silence, “We should go for breakfast tomorrow”, he spoke. You smiled at him, “How about lunch? I don’t think your hangover is going to let you leave bed before 10″, you looked at him and laughed. But you were cut short by the sound of screeching tyres and crash, and everything suddenly went black.

You could hear a voice scream your name, no wait two voices. “y/n wake up, baby please just move, open your eyes. Do something so i know you’re okay please.” Jeff. “Jeff we have to get you out!” said the second voice. “NO! She needs to be okay Clay!” Clay, it’s Clay. You tried, you really tried to move but it was like you were stuck in cement. You wanted to just wrap your arms around Jeff and tell him that everything was going to be okay. That’s when you heard the sirens, the ambulance, Jeff still calling out your name. It pained you to hear him call and you not being able to do anything. It all sounded so distant, it sounded like it was happening miles away from the place you were. But what you heard next didn’t feel distant, it felt like it was being screamed into your ear. “Driver, female, late teens, time of death: 00:26.″

*present* Jeff’s POV

It’s been three days. Three days since I lost her. As I walk into school, everyone looks at me with sympathy and there’s road safety posters plastered everywhere. Are you fucking kidding me? “follow the rules of the road”, “road safety isn’t a joke.” Maybe if the fucking stop sign was up she would still be here. 

“Jeff, wait up”

“Clay, uh-hi”

“I’m not gonna ask how you’re holding up, but you’re my friend and I need to know if you’re gonna be okay at school.”

“I don’t know anymore, there was this part of me hoping she would be there waiting at my locker like she usually does, standing there with open arms ready to tell me it was all a nightmare and that she wouldn’t leave me.”

“Hey listen, everything becomes too much, just tell me and we can put our lessons on hold.”

“No, no don’t do that. She believed in me Clay, she always believed I would would get my grades up and play again and I can at least do that for her.”

“Jeff you know I’m always gonna be here okay? Just don’t do anything you’ll regret, just talk to me okay?”

“yeah thanks Clay”

*2 months later*

She would be proud, y/n would be proud. I got my grades up and coach is going to let me play again. I just wish she was her to see this. “And now stepping up to the plate, Liberty High’s golden boy has returned, Jeff Atkins!”

As I walked onto the field I felt like everything was coming together. I took my position, ready to use all my built up anger and frustration and hit the ball. That’s when I heard it, I looked into the crowd to see where that voice came from but no one was there. I shook it off and got into position again, then there she was, the biggest smile and cheering me on from “her spot” in the crowd and i froze, the bat falling to my feet as i stood there staring at the place she would always stand during my games.

“Jeff! hey man what happened? you good?” someone said as they placed their hand on my shoulder, forcing me to move my gaze from the crowd. “She was there, I heard her voice and I thought I saw her Justin.” “Jeff she’s not there, I’m sorry.” “She was always at my games, she wouldn’t miss any of them. She was my lucky charm.” “Jeff there’s something you need to know about the night of the accident. I-uh Hannah said something after she died, but I can’t say anything. Sheri is the only one who can tell you what really happened that night….”


TAGS: @mr-robot-x @fandoms-allovertheplace @beckybadgirl @loisfrost @homicidal-lemon @interstellarirwin @lowkeyprincipessa @mouray7

Life Imitates Art

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Smut / Fluff / Angst (?)// Sub(ish)!Jungkook/ Art Student!Jungkook

Warnings:  graphic language/dirty talk, oral, cum play (if that’s what you’ll call it), masturbation, SLIGHT sub/dom dynamic

Word Count: 10.3K (bc I don’t know what pwp is)

Summary: A friendly favor for your crush develops into something truly sinful when you figure out his muse for his exhibition. 

a/n: only lightly edited b/c it’s 1:30 AM HAHA….this wasn’t supposed to be sub!(ish)JK but idk it just worked; still feel like I’m struggling w/ writing steamy dialogue but oh well. Enjoy! More work to hopefully come, slowly but surely. Please send feedback it’d be greatly appreciated!!! 


You grumbled all the way to the art gallery, adamant in your opposition to being dragged there by your roommate.

“Shut up, we’re already here. Are you going to brood the whole time?” Liz glared at you before pushing the glass doors open.

You’d pouted, clearly having lost the battle a long time ago. You settled on folding your arms defensively and letting out one last exasperated sigh. “Fine, but I still don’t know why you brought me here to begin with.”

Liz’s eyebrows shot up at the absurdity of the question, “You haven’t left the house for anything besides work and the occasional run. You’re starting to get boring, where’s fun Y/N?”

Her words only made you pout further because she was completely right-like most of the time despite your inability to admit it to her.

Keep reading

Writing gay romance between Jewish characters with two differing levels of observance

I’m writing (or, right now, more planning/outlining, with occasional writing of small scenes that I can’t get out of my head) a novel about two Jewish men who fall in love in a very Xtian, conservative town. The older of the two (late thirties) is more closeted, reclusive, and is somewhat separated from his Jewish identity as a result of a combination of assimilation and intermarriage further back in his family. The main character (mid-late twenties) on the other hand is very involved with his synagogue, works at a Hebrew summer camp, keeps shabbos, etc.

My issue is that I’m very observant (conservaform) and so is my family; I know a few folks who go to my synagogue who are “high holy day Jews”, or might also come for a wedding or bris or bar/bas mitzvah, but not many who are non-observant to the degree of this character (hasn’t set foot in synagogue since being a child, didn’t have a bar mitzvah, has a pair of somewhat observant grandparents and some cousins/etc who are observant, but most of his immediate family isn’t observant). So I’m not sure how to portray the secondary character without someone going “why not just write a Jewish guy in love with an Xtian guy” or something, because even if his relationship to Judaism and Jewish culture are somewhat distant, they’re still there. I’m also afraid that someone is going to say “why are you bashing Xtianity” about some of the subject matter (as someone who has lived in a small town, I have a decent bit of material from personal experience on Xtian antisemitism), but really the main point is that I want to portray two Jewish men loving each other.

I want to write this but don’t want goyim in particular to try to argue that I should have just made my MC’s romantic interest Xtian in the first place, because one main theme I want to explore, which I haven’t seen explored much in fiction, is being gay and Jewish. Specifically, one concept I had for the second character is how his being closeted comes largely from a place of being raised in a Xtian-secular household in a very Xtian town, and homophobia being very religiously where he lives, and so him sort of being reluctant to explore religion at all; but then seeing how the MC is Very Jewish and somewhat-openly gay, and feeling both nostalgic for the parts of his grandparents he sees in the MC (speaking Yiddish, cooking traditional Ashkenazic food), as well as longing to be as comfortable with both his sexuality and to have a relationship with G-d as the MC does.

I don’t know if this is a weirdly specific character/plot concept, but it just came to me I guess and it’s been at me long enough that I’ve started to try to outline writing it. I just want to see more gay fiction with religious, specifically Jewish, characters. Thanks for any advice you can give.

Thank you for submitting a question so close to my heart! Looks like I need to break this down into several parts: 

1. How to portray secular Jews as something distinct from Christians, secular or otherwise - this may not be as hard as you think it is because you’re Jewish and your factory settings, your defaults, your unexamined ideas, may already be different from the Christians around you. Like, I was in my 30’s before I found out that gentiles don’t do the chair dance. I thought everyone did that. Give The Upside of Unrequired by Becky Albertalli (review here) a read – her main character tells the audience that “we’re the kind of Jewish family who eats bacon” and religion itself isn’t really a presence in her life, but she still finds it meaningful that the boy she’s working with at her new job turns out to be a fellow Jew.

Other possible markers of secular Jewishness:

  • Finding Jewish representation/acknowledgment of our existence in fiction (or the Jewishness of celebrities) meaningful
  • Casual use of the most common Yiddishisms (maybe not entire curse phrases, but, like, using the word ‘kvetch’ in ordinary conversation)
  • General feeling of alienation or otherness around super overt displays of Christianity
  • Foods like matzo ball soup or latkes (for your Ashkie characters, anyway; this might be different for other subgroups of us.) 

In my new release Knit One, Girl Two, the main character Clara is a secular Jew and one of the details I used to illustrate that is that her first kiss involved sneaking off with another girl during a friend’s bar mitzvah reception. She also refers to her grandparents as Bubby and Zayde and has strong opinions about which Jewish foods she does and doesn’t like. She’s slightly awkward around the love interest’s higher level of observance, which is something secular Jews might feel out of self-consciousness—if the character cared. A secular Jewish person and a gentile person don’t approach an observant Jewish person’s observance in the same way. The gentile may misunderstand or have misconceptions; the Jewish person might feel self-conscious for not participating. Or feel nostalgic for observant people in their past (like “oh, my grandma used to –!”) 

2. How to portray your own marginalization without sounding like you’re bashing the privileged group. Now, you’re not really obligated to watch out for the feelings of a group that has hurt you by having power over you… but at the same time I 100% understand not wanting to step on toes just to save your own peace of mind. Some suggestions for this:

  • Having some of the Christians in the town be nice, but powerless to stop the jackwagon ones.
  • Flat-out having your character say “I’m not mad at Christianity; these people don’t even seem like they’re following Jesus in the first place”
  • Cut down on the more painful elements and focus on your main characters’ reactions to their hurt rather than describing the bigotry itself. That will cut down on how much your bigoted characters hurt your RL readers, so they’ll be mad at them for your main characters’ sake but not for their own sake and it’ll give them a little distance. (Example: “OMG, I can’t believe how much of a jerk Todd was being, saying all that garbage about Jews and gay people.” Instead of “Todd walked into the room and shouted that Jews are X and gay people are Y!”)
  • Try to cut down on having the most bigoted characters belong to groups marginalized along another axis. You’re going to perpetuate fatphobia if your most bigoted character is also your only fat character, and if I were reading this story I’d be uncomfortable if the homophobic/antisemitic characters were Black unless a Black author was writing it because from a white pen this could easily be read as blaming those two -phobias on Black people instead of white supremacy where it belongs. 

3. I don’t think you’re going to get “you might as well have made him Christian” coming from outsiders because you’re a Jewish person writing Jewish characters. Just speaking from personal experience.. In any case, a secular Jewish character is not a Christian character. Sometimes they can come off that way when gentiles write them, because they won’t know what kind of details to add to make their being Jewish not seem arbitrarily pasted on, but I doubt that would happen from a Jewish writer. 

4. “One main theme I want to explore, which I haven’t seen explored much in fiction, is being gay and Jewish.” 

I have several recommendations for you! 

First of all, Jordan S. Brock’s just come out with a m/m novel called Change of Address based on her own experiences with PTSD and a service dog—it’s even dedicated to the service dog. Like her, the love interest is a Jewish adoptee, and the character’s observance mirrors her own – he and his father don’t allow bacon in the house but they’ll eat pepperoni as long as it’s somewhere else, for example. 

Out of print but easy to find in libraries through ILL is The Dyke and the Dybbuk, Ellen Galford’s paranormal f/f comedy about a demon who possesses a Jewish lesbian cab driver and makes her get a crush on an Orthodox woman as a prank. (Review)  

I also collected this list of free queer Jewish SFF short stories, which includes nonbinary representation. As far as my own works go, I really tried to infuse the Tales from Perach collection with all the joy and gratefulness both Judaism, Jewishness, and queerness have brought to my life – there’s a lesbian’s grateful prayer of thanks for her relationship with her wife, an elderly trans woman and her husband attending services, and a royal family with two moms and two dads putting on an exceptionally lavish Purimspiel that includes a scripted swordfight. 

I’m glad you’re writing something to add to this and expand the body of LGBT Jewish literature, especially something where both members of the couple are Jewish.

–Shira

Mixup

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, talk of periods

Word Count: 1,913

Prompt: After a witch spews it’s spells on Dean and the reader, the reader wishes for something to happen to Dean, and Dean turns into a whiny bitch about it.

Special thanks to @lipstickandwhiskey for betaing.

It was nearly blinding when the purplish-grey dust flew around you and Dean. Before it could all clear out, and the two of you could actually see, Sam had nailed the witch. One bullet, directly through the back of her head, and you were fine. She collapsed into a heap on the ground, and that was that.

Sam’s nose scrunched up as he approached the two of you. “What the hell did she douse you guys with?”

“Some of her freak weirdo witch juice,” Dean grumbled, practically gagging at the stench that was coming from the dust. “I need to shower, like now.”

“Good thing we’re not far from the motel,” you chimed in. “So what do we do with Bellatrix over there?”

Dean scoffed, “really? Out of all the iconic witches, you pick the one from Harry Potter?”

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An Ask Meme I Just Made Up

I wanted to make one, so here you go. Drop a number in my askbox. Or reblog it and steal it for your own.

1. Are you a side, back, or front sleeper?

2. When you hum random music what song is it?

3. Explain your username

4: Explain my username

5: How did you fall into the tumblr hellpit?

6: What fan interest of yours would you least prefer to explain in your workplace?

7: What fan interest or yours would you most enjoy explaining in your workplace?

8: Last song you listened to?

9: Weirdest thing on your dash today?

10: In a perfect world, what animal would you most like to adopt?

11: What animal would you most like someone else to adopt?

12: What’s something trivial you have strong opinions about?

13: What would your super-villain finishing move be?

14: Explain your icon.

15: You meet your true love(s) today. Possibly again. Describe your ideal hilarious romcom meetcute. (can be aromantic)

16: Your comfort food, and why.

17: What type of mad science will you Show Them All with? (ex: mad chemical engineer, mad library scientist, mad linguist). Which of your creations will probably turn on you?

18: Favorite cheesy trope?

19: Favorite trope nobody writes enough of?

20: Rec me a book, comic, or anime, or other piece of media you wish there were more like.

21: Wierdest tumblr drama you’ve been a part of or stumbled across.

22: You know those things from a million years ago your brain suddenly reminds you to feel embarrased/guilty/bad about in full technicolor? Tell me one of them.

23: What is something you collect?

24: Pens. Do you know where the one closest to you came from? Would you be distressed if someone took it?

25: The last game you played is crossed with the zombie apocalypse and now going down outside your window. How boned are you?

26: What was the last thing that made you cry?

27: Most embarrassing/weird/personal body thing you’re willing to talk about.

28: Your icon is now the voice of your inner therapist. How is this gonna go?

29: Name a kink you only like hypothetically.

30: Name a kink you find bewildering.

31: You have acquired: a mouse, a lizard, a rabbit, a spider, a domestic fox. Name them! Who gets to sleep on the bed?

32: What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it?

33: Hit “shuffle” on your media player and tell me your favorite lyric from the song that comes up.

34: What fan media (of yours or someone else’s) would you most like to see art/fic for?

35: What do you ship that you think would be hard to explain convincingly to other people? Attempt an explanation.

36: What meme gets on your nerves?

37: Showers or baths?

38: Who was your biggest childhood nemesis and why?

39: First writing prompt that comes to your head.

40: Least favorite color.

41: What was the last thing you got really obsessed with?

42: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve ever had on a mind-altering substance? (prescription, recreational, otc, or food)

43: Shuffle up a random song on your media player. Now tell me what ship/story goes with it.

44: What’s making you happiest recently? :)

45: What’s scaring you these days? :(

46: Post a funny video for me.

47: Did you ever have a dream/nightmare that stuck with you for years?

48: What’s a movie you thought you’d hate but you turned out to love?

49: Tell me a really obscure fact you know.

50: Hot or cold?

51: How did your parent(s) punish you as a kid? What do you think of that?

52: What’s something you thought was true about yourself that your feelings have changed on over the years?

53: Write a story in seven words.

54: What is your favorite curse word?

55: Favorite food for every color of the rainbow.

56: If you were a poltergeist where would you haunt and what would be your preferred style of prank?

57: What is an art style, craft, or skill that you can’t do, but you really admire in others?

58: What is a skill you have that people probably don’t know about?

59: Name a pet peeve you have, and something you do that is probably a pet peeve for others.

60: Dragons, dinosaurs, or aliens?

61: What was the last big fight you had with someone about?

62: Insult the asker of this question creatively.

63: In an ideal world, what would you like done with your body after you die?

64: Find me a weird stock photo and post it.

65: What was your bedtime ritual as a kid? Did you have one?

66: What are the three traits you value the most in others?

67: What are the three most interesting wild animals you’ve encountered in your life?

68: What is a word you really enjoy saying?

69: Answer number 60 like it was a “fuck, marry, kill” rhetorical.

70: Describe something that happened to you today as if you were a narrator in a film noir, nature documentary, or 50s teaching video.

71: Create five new nicknames for yourself as quickly as you can.

72: Shorts, pants, skirts, or other?

73: What’s a song you hate and why?

74: If you were a superhero, what would be your one weakness?

75: Describe a weird encounter you had with a bug.

Love Notes from the Venus Signs

Venus in Aries:     
     It was like a moment of clarity, the day we met; a sunny blur cast on morning dew and you glimmered like the god damn ocean itself. Maybe I shouldn’t have grabbed your hand, or I shouldn’t have run or screamed, “you- attractive one.” But when you see so much light in one person, you just have to do it. Nothing matters, then, just them. Just you.

Venus in Taurus:
     I never fancied romance novels because there was too much plot and too little character. Men aren’t so dynamic and girls can’t hold their tongues. But you have the finesse of fine wine. In your silence I find comfort and in your irritation I know that what we are is real. Because books don’t explain the way a lover’s hand on your hip can silence the chaos in your mind and lull you to sleep. You are the most difficult person I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with, and I will fight for us, I will fight for our love.

Venus in Gemini:
    I don’t know where to start. Remember that bird we saw a few days ago- yeah the pigeon I think. Well I know you think street birds are dirty, but when it flew off into the air and circled us, you wrinkled your nose a little. You didn’t see me smiling because you were watching the pigeon, but I was mesmerized. You’re beautiful, not just because of your nose or eyes or wonderfully erotic body, but because of everything you do. And when you pulled me away for cover, I couldn’t stop laughing. Partly because you stepped in a big wad of gum, but partly because I’ve never been this happy. I love you.

Venus in Cancer:
   Nights with you are the best. Your arms are a coven, a person reminder that I am part of something greater than myself, that I am worth something. Before you, there was a loneliness that never left, a creep of darkness that followed me and swarmed me as I slept. You are my everything. I will support every decision you make, I will be here when you can’t hold a strong front- when life gets too hard. Because, love, if anyone understands, it’s me. And I know how to be soft, how to hold you until your tears dry and how to bake your favorite cookies. I will tell you I love you every morning and every night as long as we are together, and I will mean it every time.

Venus in Leo:
   People saw a lot in me, maybe they still do. You always have. The thing about people is they come and go, but they don’t know me. You know the way I like to sleep in until noon and what dumb memes will make me laugh. You know how to make me feel special when everyone else sees someone who doesn’t exist. Your kisses are important to me, not because you mean it, but because you understand who I am and you’re still willing to fight for me. Cuddle me into the night and tell me those joke your coworkers like, they make me giggle. I love you for everything that you do, I love you for making me feel real. 

Venus in Virgo:
    This is a confession, nothing more and nothing less. I am neurotic. I find solace in cleaning and can’t have sex knowing that their are dishes in the sink. I know that I am riddled with a touch of crazy, but you see more in me. You find me charming and understand that everything I do for you is because I love you. For whatever reason, telling you isn’t easy enough. I want to show you. I want to help you shop for groceries and then satisfy you fully in bed. I want you to know that I can change for you, but you never seem to mind my quirks. You are how I know love exists. 

Venus in Libra:
    My divine, I never doubted your existence. I wish I could have saved every first experience to share with you, and only you. There is a softness when you look at me, when you graze my body and conjoin our fingers until they are so tightly interlocked I believe we may never separate. It is in your presence, in your spontaneous flowers and mountain retreats, that I know this is where I’m meant to be. Nothing is full without you. Even in your bitterness I am contented, although I will do anything you make you happy. You are my whole heart, my other half, my love. 

Venus in Scorpio:
    The world is cruel. We grow up with pain, reoccurring and pungent in our viscera. It doesn’t always heal either. And people will cause it with their carelessness, using others as if they are puppets. It is in you that I can heal, from your scent, within your laugh, and in the breath of your sleep. There is purity within you, a truth that I am fixated upon. I want to delve into the depth of your mind and comfort your pains, I want to hold you and understand you until you are fully exposed and fully fixed from the trials of your past. There is no person as rich with depth as you, no person so worthy of complete love. You have given to me without hesitation, and I long to share with you everything I have.

Venus in Sagittarius:
    The world seems small when you think about it long enough, or when you look up at the midnight sky and see the flaming memories of stars that once were. We are that, a microcosm of existence- a memory recurring time and time again. But no matter how small I am, I am overwhelmed with the concept of you and you totality. There is no person worth this short trip, no one except you. Your company is valuable, your opinions intrigue me, and you have a curiosity for this world that rivals mine. It’s okay that we fight, I think, even when you’re wrong. You are a star in my mind, ever-present until the day I die, and maybe in another lifetime. 

Venus in Capricorn:
    I am not one to share myself. I find solace in safety, I find solace in predictability. You fight everything I have refused to share. You don’t let me leave, even when I’m certain that I’m best left to my own devices. I never wanted you gone, I never wanted silence between us, but my head is raging with fear. I can’t handle heartbreak and I can’t handle humiliation. I promise that as long as you don’t let me leave, I will help you. I will be loyal, I will hold you when you sleep, and I will be here when you need support. You are worth the risk an I love you with all that I am.

Venus in Aquarius:
   There are moments where I find myself totally lost and totally irrational. The moment I knew I’d fallen for you was when you’d become too invested. I thought I’d drop you like I’d done with others in the past, but I couldn’t. You were too important- someone I cared about, someone I craved to touch. And now, honey, I think about you every freakin’ day. I think about you from the crack of dawn to the moment I fall asleep. And even when I need to be alone, I think about you. You’re special: curious, insightful, interesting. I see the world in you. And now, well, nothing can convince me we’re better apart. I love you with every strange thing I am.

Venus in Pisces:
   Nothing blisters my skin so gently as your morning kisses, which I cherish. The haze of midnight holds your last breath, the one before I elicit the most delicious of moans, and fall into a daze of dreams about us. I am hopelessly risen from this earthly pull, I am devoted to our love, one which I knew to be destined. With you I will be ever-present, and ever-kind. You are what makes flowers bloom and raindrops crystallize. With you, I am completely enamored and totally in love.

The Signs with a Broken Heart

This post is essentially based on my/my friends’ real life experiences.I’ll also try to include some advice how to get over this struggle. Your Sun & Venus Signs matter!

I think that today, after having written some love posts, I had to think about those who spent this day alone, because they are comfortable with it, because they don’t need anyone, or maybe because their heart isn’t healed enough to start dating again. And it’s totally fair. Heartbreak is way too underrated lately in my opinion, we think about those with a sickness, we think about those who are poor, we say that as long as you are healthy, have a place to sleep, have something to eat, you must be happy, but sometimes an emotional wound is a lot harder to heal than a physical one. When you love someone, they become the most important part of your life. You share your days with them, you miss them, you decide where to go for a dinner together because you want them to be happy too, you basically change your whole lifestyle to fit theirs. And then if one day, they decide to take their love away, it feels like only half of your life is left and you ask yourself questions how it’s possible to make it stop just like that, from one minute to another. This is why it’s so hard to get over a broken heart. And sometimes it’s even worse to lose someone who never even was yours. You start questioning everything, why does life play such a prank on you and makes you meet them, like them, fall in love and all this for nothing, because they don’t share your feelings. A person questioning themselves, thinking that they aren’t good enough for a person they love, that someone else is and they aren’t, is probably one of the most hurtful feelings.

So here’s how I see the signs being hurt and hopefully this will help a few of you. Not because you will read this post and your pain will suddenly go away, no way, I just want you to know that there’s always someone to understand exactly how you feel, that you’re not alone.

ARIES:

As an Aries, you can be very emotional, but real feelings don’t reach you too often. Quite careless in your young years, you might be attracted to people physically, like them in different ways, call it love, feel sadness about losing them, but only the pain of a broken heart will tell you it was real. Because 

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4

Islam isn’t a violent religion any more than Christianity is.
(Twitter: MuslimIQ)

This was directed at a white supremacist, but it’s a good response for the Bill Maher Liberals in your life too, especially the atheists.  The Angry White Man brand of Liberal Atheist Absolutism is probably one of my least favorite factions among people I generally agree with, because it always comes with a condescending air of I’m Right And You’re Wrong.  Things are this or they are that, and because I am an educated white man, I am smart, and I don’t have to listen to your rebuttals to whatever I just said.  One of their hot button issues is religion, wherein all religions are stupid and terrible, but Islam is the worst because it makes people violent.

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My self esteem has taken a huge hit since I cut off all my hair and I’m honestly so glad. I have been shattered. I got rid of something I was known for to an extent. I used my hair as a safety net. I let it define me. I relied on it a lot and I got a ton of attention for it. All the people flipping out over it telling me to grow it back just proves what a big deal it was and still is. I am forced to look at myself as a human being and decide who I am. I’m redefining myself. Some people are saying I’m being dramatic and it’s just hair or that I talk about it too much but I think it just shows how much people don’t understand. My appearance is such a huge part of my identity and it’s wrong. It’s harmful to me. I feel so much pressure to look perfect every day and if I don’t I feel like I don’t matter or I’m letting everyone down. Obviously that is so dramatic and not true at all but it’s such a weak spot for me. When people say things like “sorry you look better with long hair” or “you were prettier before” it can hurt me so bad if it’s at the wrong moment. I am so detached most of the time it really doesn’t affect me but if someone catches me in a weak moment it can get to me and bring me down. I’m tired of seeing myself for my outer shell. I’m tired of feeling scared people don’t love me anymore. As if the entire world loved me before anyway omg 🙄😑 the people who are telling me I’m not pretty anymore never loved me to begin with and I don’t want their approval or anything from them really. I need to stop caring about people who don’t know me. Everyone close to me has been SO supportive and encouraging and it’s been so fun. When I’m calm and comfortable and I look at my hair, my natural reaction is pure happiness. There is no fear, no doubt, no questions. I love my hair! If I wanna grow it out later I will but right now I do love it and want to keep it for a while. I only think about growing it out when the desire to please people starts to creep back in. Thoughts of growing it out come from a place of fear and that sucks. This entire new chapter has been about ditching fear and it genuinely has been so positive. There is the negative undercurrent of fear, yes, but it doesn’t negate the good. I want this to stop. People can and will say whatever they want but I’m doing my part to cut off all negativity. My self esteem is more important than random insensitive strangers on the internet who prefer long-haired women. There are so many accounts you can look at if you want some rapunzel chick. I can’t live for other people. Again, it’s not that they don’t love me anymore, it’s that they never did. The people that know me are so supportive because they know it’s not that big of a deal and that I am SO MUCH MORE THAN MY HAIR. But I need to remind myself of that!!!! And it’s time I show that to the world too. I have so much to share, so much I’ve created and so much that I think about and I intend to put that into the world this year. I am actually finding myself for the first time outside of my appearance. I’m seeing myself in a new light. Of course I’ve always been aware of the fact that I’m more than my looks, I consciously understand that but I can actually FEEL it now. I didn’t truly believe it before. I guess what I hope you guys can take away from this is that if people are defining you by something superficial or if YOU are, challenge that. You are more than what people say about you, what you look like, your circumstances, really anything external. You’re so much more. We have to get in touch with our value as humans, feel it, believe it, live it and SHARE it with the world. Confidence comes from knowing you are full of light and goodness and that no one can change that. I’m only sharing myself with safe people, people who know and understand me. I’m going to continue to be myself to the fullest and put myself out there but I’m no longer giving weight to what people think of my appearance. Of course it’s hard but I welcome the challenge. If I like it, that’s all that matters. My happiness is important and so is yours. So anyway I just wanted to update you guys on my life and let you know that recently I’ve been struggling with this but I’m working through it. If it seems like I’m always dealing with something, it’s because I am hahaha. That’s life when you’re in touch with your feelings, it’s not bad! It’s more challenging but WAY more fulfilling at the end of the day. I love feeling my feelings and acknowledging them and dealing with them, I didn’t always do that and my life was nowhere near as good as it is now. Overall I’m happy and very optimistic, I’m working on myself, my relationships, my music and my health and this year is already turning out to be one of the best yet, despite some bumps. Love you guys and hope this helps you understand me a little more 💜

EDIT: I wanna add on to the first thought that I’m glad my self esteem has been shattered. I wrote this in between takes while shooting a cover today and I forgot to finish that idea. I’m glad I’ve been shattered because I was building myself on a flimsy foundation. My infrastructure was so shaky and flawed, I was doing okay but I needed to be rebuilt. Those pieces of me that were clinging to other people’s opinions and approval needed to crumble so I could rebuild into a better, stronger version of myself. This is a theme in my life. Every few years, whatever pieces of me start to go in a bad direction are eventually destroyed and then I rebuild into a better version of myself haha
No Strings Attached

Pairings: Kol x Reader

Warnings: NSFW

Word Count: 2163

PART TWO | PART THREE 


You have been really good friends with the Mikaelsons for about a year now. Rebekah is like the sister you’ve never had, Klaus and Elijah are like brothers to you while Kol is a little bit of the opposite. The both of you flirt here and there, but you’ve never seen each other being a couple.

It was a quarter to 11. You and the youngest Mikaelson brother are the only ones home, god knows where the rest of his siblings went. The two of you were bored so you decided to drink and play billiards. Of course you were losing because you’re terrible at this game. “Gosh Kol, you could’ve at least gone easy on me. I’m a girl.” You scoffed playfully.

“Perhaps not, Y/N.” Kol smiled. He noticed your glass is empty, so he took it and refilled it for you. “Time for another.”

His glass now being in one hand and yours in the other, he handed you yours. “T-thanks Kol.” You stuttered from being a little tipsy.

“Tsk Tsk. Someone’s a lightweight.” Kol teased. then he clanked his glass to yours to cheers.

After chugging your drink, you picked up your pool cue, knowing that your turn is next. You positioned your body with the cue to the spot that you believed that was appropriate to hit. But the alcohol was getting to your system and right before you hit it, you stopped yourself, by quickly standing up, holding the cue vertically. “Actually, Kol. I’m bored of this already.”

Kol laughed then started walking towards you, with drink in hand. “Is it because you’re losing, darling? Oh don’t be such a sore loser.”

Without thinking, you attempted to hit Kol with the pool cue which only lead to failure. With Kol being the original vampire that he is, he has really quick reflexes so he stopped it with his hand. He didn’t take it personal since he knew you’re only playing around and you both know it won’t hurt him at all. “Easy there, human.” Kol cooed.

You laughed from your failure. “I tried. I tried.”

Kol showed off his height by inching up closer to you, looking down on you. “You really think you’re a match against a 1000 year old vampire?” Kol questioned, then softened up his voice. “Funny.”

You didn’t know if the alcohol was getting to your system or if Kol Mikaelson looked so hot right now. It must be the alcohol. Never did it cross your mind before about ever screwing him. The alcohol must be getting to him because he was getting way too close for comfort right now, making your breaths deeper and his following suit. He cupped your cheek with his hand, lightly rubbing his thumb on your bottom lip. The both of you kept looking back and forth at each others eyes and lips.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Kol asked, now keeping his eyes focused your eyes instead.

“I mean, no one’s home so….” You replied.

Now Kol locks his lips with yours. The two of you swirling each others tongues in and out. He lifts you up and carries you to the pool table, not losing contact with each others lips.

Kol removes your top and you copy him by helping remove his. He brushes his hands along your sides as he kisses on your neck, making you let out a groan. “We’re really doing this Kol.” You chuckled.

Kol stops and looks at you. “This may be a night filled with regrets or a night to remember.” He tapped your nose once and gave you a smirk before pushing your body down on the pool table.


(The following morning…)

It was noon-ish when you awoke. Your head was slightly spinning and you felt pretty dehydrated from the alcohol you consumed last night.

You sat up and slowly scanned your surroundings to see if you can remember anything from last night. The first thing you noticed is that you’re wearing a t-shirt that is a few sizes too big. Seeing that Kol is asleep next to you in bed shirtless, you assumed that it’s his. Now that’s when the memories of last night came back to you. “Ah shit.” You mouthed to yourself.

Yup, you had sex with Kol last night. Regret wasn’t what you felt, because you do remember the drunk sex being amazing, you were just a little embarrassed because you didn’t want Kol to think that anyone can get inside your pants when you’re drunk.

Seeing that the upper half of his body is without clothes, you were also curious to see if the lower half of him is too. Still sitting up, you lifted up the blanket to get a peek. And damn, that morning wood of his made your jaw drop. “Damn, Kol Mikaelson.” You said accidentally said aloud. From catching yourself, you held your lips together to stay silent, but it failed because you woke up Kol. 

Kol yawned and stretched his arms. “Morning, Y/N.” He said with a raspy voice.

“I cannot believe that happened last night.”

“Well darling, I happen to have no regrets.”

“Oh my god, you must think I’m such a slut.” You whined, sinking yourself lower into the bed.

Kol chuckled. “Nonsense, Y/N. Not the slightest.” He got off of the bed to search for his clothes. “I happen to be thirsty, actually.”

Your eyes lit up at the thought of a nice cold glass of water. “Oh me too. Can you get me a glass of water too, please?”

Kol slid on his boxers, then grabbed his pants to put on next. “You’re quite funny. I wasn’t referring to water. But I’ll bring you back a glass.”

While you’re waiting on Kol to return with your water, you grabbed your phone from the nightstand to make sure you didn’t drunk text anyone or drunk post anything on social media. 

Phew. You’re in the clear.

After a few minutes, Kol arrives and you chug that water like there’s no tomorrow. “Ah.” You said, rolling your eyes in the back of your head.

Kol grinned at you in amusement. “That was my bloody reaction when I got a hold of those blood bags just now.”

You hear Rebekah’s voice grow as she’s walking in. “Brunch is here if you’re hungry, Kol.” Seeing that you’re in Kol’s bed, her lips parted in surprise. “You two?” She questioned, with one hand of her hip and the other hand, pointing two fingers at you both.

“Uh…” Both you and Kol said, being speechless.

“Never mind that. Feel free to come down you two, if you’re hungry.” Rebekah quickly walked out.

For the next few days you couldn’t stop thinking about the night you slept with Kol. You don’t have any romantic feelings for him whatsoever, but the sex was great and you honestly wouldn’t mind doing it again. Plus, you’re not sleeping around with anyone else at the moment, so you don’t think there’s any harm if it’s with the same person again. Your plan was to confront Kol about it the next time you saw him.

Knocking on the door of the Mikaelson’s home, Klaus opened the door with a smile. “Fancying seeing you, love. Let me guess-” He glanced up while pointing his index finger up as if he was thinking. “-you’re looking for Kol?”

Well damn. Klaus knows about it too. You figured Rebekah told him after she saw you in Kol’s bed. “Very funny, Klaus. And yes I am.” You walked inside, not caring to wait for an invitation inside. “Where is he?”

“He’s here. In his room, i assume.” Klaus replied. 

You made your way to Kol’s bedroom, but saw that he wasn’t in there so you just made yourself comfortable in his bed while you waited.

After 10 minutes, Kol entered the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. Your presence startled him, making him jump. “Bloody hell, Y/N. You frightened the hell out of me.”

“We need to talk about something.” You sat at the edge of the bed and patted your hand on the mattress for Kol to sit down.

“About?” He questioned.

“Don’t worry, it’s not bad. Actually. It’s good. Maybe?” You questioned your statement a bit because it was good for you, but you weren’t exactly confident if it’s a positive thing for him. So to the hell with it.

“Alright, darling. Spit it out.”

“So I have this idea. First off, we’re both adults here. You know, you’re hot and I’m hot.” You pointed at Kol, then back at yourself. “You’re single and I’m single. I also know that we’re both not looking for a relationship, nor are we sleeping with anyone else.” Being good friends with Kol, you’re definitely confident that he isn’t sleeping with anyone else because he practically tells you everything.

“Ah, I see where you’re headed with this. So you want to be, what do the Americans call it?” Kol paused to think. “Oh that’s right. Fuck buddies. Am I correct?”

“Yeah.” You laughed at Kol. “Or a classier name would be: friends with benefits.”

“Brilliant.” Kol agrees with your idea. “So you think I’m hot?” He joked with a smirk on his face and you rolled your eyes at his cockiness.

“But. There has to be rules involved. We have to vow not to let ourselves gain feelings for the other. And, if one of us wants to cut it off for whatever reason, the other has to agree.”

“Agreed.” 

“Good. So-”

Kol cuts you off. “So technically, this friends with benefits thing starts like now now?”

“Yes?” You answered, tilting your head.

Kol stands up confidently in front of you, looking very eager. “Come on then. On your knees.” He put one hand on his hip and the other pointing his finger down at his crotch.

You chuckled while shaking your head in disagreement. “What? Are you serious?”

“Well darling, you’re the one that said. So come on, I want your mouth to work its magic again.”

You noticed his hard member poking through towel and thought ‘fuck it’. So you hopped off of the bed and obeyed Kol’s command.



And there it was. A month goes by and the vow that the two of you made did not go broken. It’s actually been pretty fun. There would be nights where the two of you would go out drinking together, which obviously led to fucking. Whether it be in his car, in the shower or in his bed. 

But, there was a period where Kol’s siblings voiced their opinions to him about the thing that you two have.

Rebekah: “I’m just warning you Kol, this is going to end one way and one way only.”

Kol: “And how is that?”

Rebekah: “What if one of you ends up gaining feels and the other doesn’t feel the same? Someone is going to get hurt.”

Kol: “And that’s where you’re wrong, Rebekah. Y/N and I have a made our own vow to not allow that to happen.”

Rebekah: “Elijah, please tell me that what Kol and Y/N are doing is wrong.”

Elijah: “Rebekah, I believe our dear brother is quite old enough to make his own choices.”

Klaus: “What Elijah said. You know, to each their own.”


Today you’re going out for lunch with your girlfriends to catch up on the latest gossip. Elena and Caroline feel the same way that Rebekah does about this whole situation with you and Kol, but Bonnie is happy as long as you’re happy.

Since Klaus will be away for a week, he allowed you to take over his master bedroom in the meantime.

It was about two hours before the scheduled time to head out, so you hopped in the nice and steamy shower. Soaking up all that warmth made you want to stay in here for hours. You were rinsing off your conditioner as you’re getting lost in your thoughts, until all of a sudden it was interrupted. “What the hell, Kol?!” Being distracted by your thoughts, you didn’t see Kol come into the bathroom until he opened the shower door.

“May I join?” He asked, wearing nothing but boxers and jeans.

“Um no. I’m actually just finishing up. How did you even get in here?” You focused on rinsing whatever conditioner was remaining on your hair.

“Learn to lock the door, love.” Kol started unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, letting his jeans fall to the floor. “How about a quickie then?” He smiled, revealing his teeth.

You rolled your eyes and turned off the shower. “No I have to hurry up and get ready.” You reached your arm out for Kol’s cue to hand you your towel, which he does willingly and you walked out to dry yourself off.

Kol removes his boxers and gets in the shower, moving the knob to turn it on. “Your loss.” He joked.

Surprise

Request: Can you do one where jughead cares about the reader and he’s worried about her with all the drama and the now murder in riverdale so he goes over to her house one night with some excuse to cover that hes really just worried about her and doesn’t want her alone

A/N: This is such a cute idea.  I think it’s so true to his character and I like it a lot.  Thanks for requesting and feel free to request other ideas in my inbox!

Word count: 1254

Warnings: Mentions of murder, anxiety, cursing

Originally posted by riverdalesource

There was something disturbing about dark and stormy nights.  When didn’t they go wrong?  They always did.  Sunny days?  Sure bad things happen, but not every time.  Every time it rains, it pours, and every time it pours, the darkness is absolute and the creaks in your house are never just the results of years of wear.  And thus, why you were hiding in your closet, clinging to a chilly aluminum bat as your only source of protection.  

Moments earlier, the storm had blown your door open, and there had been hard footsteps on the fake wooden slatted floors.  You had to clench the bat between your thighs for a moment, removing your hands so your quivering fingers wouldn’t clink against the hollow body.  You took as deep a breath as you could, trying to get the image of the hole in Jason Blossom’s head out of your own mind.  

Everyone in Riverdale who said they weren’t on edge after the discovery that Jason was murdered and not just taken by the currents were lying.  The air seemed colder and stiffer, no dead body correlations intended, however… this was the reality.  Somebody had been… murdered.  Anyone who carried on with business as usual, block party with the Joneses, couldn’t have a grain of brain, or at least in your opinion, couldn’t have a grain of brain.

A murder meant a murderer.  A murderer meant that someone who everyone knew was suddenly capable of killing anyone.  Especially if they had wanted to and succeeding in killing Jason Blossom.  You had certainly done worse to the community than Jason.  You stole from convenience stores during puberty, like everyone else.  And this acknowledgement that there was more reason to murder you than the person who was already dead and decaying sent your heart deeper and deeper into your stomach with each thudding footstep up your stairs.  

The creak of your bedroom door was accompanied by a soft whimper, which you soon realized, you had let out.

“Shit,” you whispered, feeling tears well in the corners of your eyes at the realization that every shaky breath you tried to inhale could be your last.  The intruder in your room murmured something, but the words were too low and you were too preoccupied trying to remember your seventh grade gym class lessons on self defense and if they had taught you how to be bulletproof to understand what was being said.  But before you knew it, the door to your closet was thrown open, the aluminum bat slipping from your weak grip on it and clattering to the floor with an echoing ring.  

“Y/N?” You looked up, making eye contact with the person who had, literally, broken into your house just a minute or so ago.

“Jughead?” You groaned, dropping your head to your hands.  Now that you realized that the only person in danger here right now was Jughead, whose neck you pictured in your grip as you tried to regulate your breathing.

“Are you okay?” You heard him lean down, his voice softer and closer to your face now.

“I thought you generally had an issue with people who asked questions they knew the answer to.” Jughead nodded to himself, lips pursed.  “You didn’t tell me you were coming over.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.  Thought I’d surprise you.”  A prominent snarl on your face, you looked up to him again.  Sarcastically he continued, “Surprise.” His eyebrows lifted in a friendly gesture, his blue eyes pools of comfort for you as he offered you his hand.  You took it, him lifting you to a standing position, grasping the bat and placing it back into your closet before closing it.  “Anything you want to talk about?  Maybe about why you were hiding in your closet?”

“Funny.” He raised his eyebrows in question.  “I thought you were some crazy murderer!” He cocked his head to the left, a look in his eyes that only said, really? “It’s not my fault you have the gait of a serial killer.”

“What is a serial killer gait?” He walked over to your window, looking at the rain falling outside.

“That!  That gait!”

He turned to you, leaning his head from one side to the other in thought.  “Do you have anything to eat?” It was your turn to act surprised, however, in all honesty, you were always certain of only one thing: Jughead would choose a cheeseburger over anybody.

“I don’t know.” Following behind him down the stairs to the kitchen.  “Haven’t been to the grocery store since you were here yesterday.”

“Oh!  There’s still leftover Pop’s in the fridge.” He pulled out two styrofoam containers from your fridge that you didn’t even know you had.  The oven beeped a little tune as he turned it on to reheat his food.

“Leftover?”

“Well, takeout.  From last night.”

“You have any onion rings?”

“Do you know who you’re speaking to?” You stared at him, deadpan. “Of course I got you onion rings.” He opened the smaller of the two takeout boxes, revealing a full pile of onion rings.

“Oh, just for me, huh?”

“No really do you even know who I am?” You rolled your eyes now.  “Of course I got more for myself than you.” You hummed in understanding, collapsing into a stool at the breakfast bar, the cool granite chilling you to your bones.  Shuddering, you lifted your head.  

“Jug?” He had left the kitchen for a second, returning a moment later with a blanket from the living room, wrapping it around your shoulders.  You moaned softly, tightening the plush throw around you and reveling in its warmth.  “Thank you.” He nodded.  Jughead had always been bad at the grandiose gestures, but you never questioned his love for you.  Especially with the little things, that in your mind always added up.  “Why’d you really stop by, Juggy?”

“I told you, you were on the way.” He insisted, turning away from your inquisitive gaze.  

“Mmhmm.” You made a quick pillow out of your arm wrapped in blanket, laying down.  “Scared me shitless, just ‘cause.”

“Didn’t mean to scare you like that,” he mumbled, finishing with a few more words you missed.

“Hm?”

“I said I didn’t mean to scare you,” he repeated.

“Well you did.  I think I peed myself a little.  And I cried.”

“You cried?” He asked.  “Well it’s good I came to check on you, then.”

“Aha!” You lifted your head sharply.  “You were worried about me.”

“No, you can take care of yourself.  I know you’re capable of that.” You nodded mockingly.  “Okay.  You’re home alone!  Someone was killed just a few months ago, yes I was worried about you.  It was dark and rainy and you were home all by yourself on a Friday night.  Figured checking up on you was better than not.”

“That’s real sweet, Jughead.” He swatted you away, turning back to the food that was slowly heating up in the oven.  You two stayed that way, in silence for a few minutes, before the loud ring of the timer disturbed the peace.  Your gaze, fixed on the marbled granite counter top, was soon consumed by the visual of a nearly disgusting portion of onion rings.  

“Soup’s on,” he joked wryly, sitting beside you.  You lifted your arm, engulfing him in the blanket too.  “Why thank you.”  And the two of you ate peacefully, the only sounds the drops of rain hitting the pavement outside.  

Maybe not all stormy nights were all bad.