you can have the eggs though

peter parker is a trans boy
  • peter getting bullied for being trans is 10x more believable than him getting bullied for being a nerd
  • “penis parker” is actually a transphobic insult. when peter first started packing, it fell out of his pants and flash has never let him live it down.
  • ned asks him “do you lay eggs?” even though only female spiders lay eggs because ned knows peter is trans
  • peter is shorter than the entirety of the cast
  • even though most 15yo boys have tied ties before, aunt may has to teach peter how to do a windsor knot bc this is his first school dance as a boy
  • honestly the entirety of the “I know what a girl sounds like.” “I’m not a girl! I’m a man! I mean, I’m a male!” scene is good evidence
  • cis guys can start puberty as early as 9 years old, but peter is just now getting the “your body is flowering” comments at 15 because he recently started T

feel free to add more!!

Want a pokemon egg?

Every person who reblogs this will have a Pokémon egg in their submissions and a Pokémon will hatch from the egg later.

The egg will be randomly hatched. It may be evolved, shiny, or even a legendary. (Only reblogs get eggs, not likes) ~~~~~~~~~ Update: Once this post hits 8000 reblogs it stops. At this point if it hits 8000 it will take me about 22-30ish weeks to finish because of work and college. I’m glad seeing people still love Pokemon. I thought I could keep up with you all. Yeah, nope, but it’s fun. 8000 reblogs though then please let this post die please. Since I’ve done it for a few and I’m stopping at 8000, if you want more than one egg please reblog and say so and you’ll be randomized with more than one egg. Thank you for reading this and I hope you all can continue to love Pokemon.

🌱Green Witch Tips🌱

I get a lot of asks about plants; what dried herbs to start with, what kind are good for beginners, what I would recommend new witches own, how to grow them, etc. That’s totally okay because you guys know I love helping you out but to make things easier I’m just going to talk about plants for a while, okay? Enjoy!

Let’s Start At The Beginning🌿

“What should a beginner witch have in their cabinet?”

I get asked a lot what are some good herbs or dried flowers to have for people who can’t grow their own. Just remember, it’s not necessary to have herbs in your practice, all you need to be a witch is a desire to be a witch! But these are the herbs I recommend and/or are my personal favorites.💜

  • Orange Peel - This is great for uplifting energies and bringing happiness into your life, they can help with intuition, bring prosperity and abundance, and they can help strengthen friendships and relationships. They’re loaded with Vitamin C & A, it’s a powerful antioxidant and great for relieving congestion(add it to your bath!) You can eat them, burn them, make a tea, add it to your bath, whatever you see fit!
  • Basil - This is great for bringing in money and prosperity, love, flying/astral work, exorcisms, and is great for protection. Basil has potent antioxidant, antiviral, and antimicrobial properties. It is also an anti-inflammatory.
  • Mint - Mint is probably one of my favorite healing herbs, it can help bring you strength, luck, money, and safe travels. Mint is an anti-inflammatory and an antiseptic. Ideal for treating indigestion, flatulence, varicose veins, headaches, migraines, skin irritations, rheumatism, toothache, and general fatigue.
  • Chamomile - One of my favorite meditation plants, it also aids in centering and finding peace, protection, self-love and healing! It’s great for fevers, indigestion, it works as an anti-inflammatory for wounds, and makes a good insect repellent.
  • Rosemary: It’s often used for protection, love, purification, healing, sleep, and youth. When burned it emits powerful cleansing and purifying vibrations and is used to rid a place of negativity. It provides anti-inflammation, anti-fungal, antibacterial, and antisepticproperties. And research provides ample evidence that rosemary not only improves memory, but helps fight cancer. 
  • Onion: It is used for protection, exorcism, healing, money, and abundance in life. Grown in pots or in the garden they repel negative energy and evil intentions. You can cook onions to attract money and luck. Onions are high in vitamin C, a good source of fiber, and are good for regulating blood pressure.
  • Thyme: It can be used for good health, healing, sleep, courage, love, purification, psychic powers. It can be burned for good health and purification and can be used in healing spells. It can be used to help bronchitis, whooping cough, sore throat, colic, arthritis, upset stomach, stomach pain (gastritis), diarrhea, bedwetting, intestinal gas (flatulence), parasitic worm infections and skin disorders.

Growing Your Own Indoor Plants 🌿

These are what I recommend for beginners(inside) I tried to include a variety of herbs, succulents, and houseplants because I know some people prefer one of the other. This includes generic care tips like storage needed, how much light, water, etc. If you’re looking for magical plant care tips scroll down to the next category! All plants picked are cat and dog friendly.

  • Spider Plants - absorb negativity while improving both the energy and air quality of your home. They’re great for low-key daily cleansing. The pot does not need drainage, moderate sunlight, during growth water once or so a week, at adult(one year) water more frequently, during the summer do not let the soil dry out, keep it moist! Generic garden soil is fine.
  • African Violets - ruled by the planet Venus, promoting spirituality and peaceful vibrations. Their five-petaled flowers are protective and link the plant with the pentagram. Keep them in a warm location where they get plenty of light, and these darling little plants will happily bloom for you all year round. They’re roots are very fragile so over watering can definitely kill them, make sure the soil is completely dry to touch before water. They do best with soils that include peat moss or vermiculite.
  • Succulents - bringers of love and abundance and can be among the easiest of house plants to grow.  Succulents are ruled by the moon. Succulents definitely need plots that have drainage holes, the soil should be a mix of rocks and soil or just buy premade cacti soil! Water two to three times a month depending on size. Full sunlight is best!
  • Swedish or English Ivy -  are protective as well as decorative, and never more so than when trained to grow outside on house walls. Potted and brought indoors, they serve the same function, for their curious stems and leaves drive away evil and negativity from their dwelling place. They are also though to promote fidelity and fertility. Medium light, simple garden soil, they do like moss, ivy’s prefer to be on the dry side when the soil has been dry for 2-3 days then water!
  • Catnip - can bring love into the home, works for cat magic or dieties, helps promote happiness and aids in sleep/astral travel magic. It can be successfully grown on a sunny windowsill, providing you give it enough water and remember to pinch out the flowers to encourage leaf growth. You can start pinching off leaves as soon as the plant hits about 6 - 8 inches.
  • Basil - it can help steady the mind, brings happiness, love, peace, and money and protects against insanity. Keep basil in direct or medium sunlight, keep soil moist, make sure to pick the leaves regularly to encourage growth throughout the summer.
  • Lemon Balm - associated with the moon and neptune, can be used to dispel melancholy and depression, it is traditionally used for compassion, fertility, happiness, healing, longevity, love, mental health, prosperity, and divination. Lemon balm likes a steady supply of water, but good drainage is a must.The plant recovers quickly from wilt, so it’s best to err on the side of dry rather than too wet, which will encourage root rot. Any good, fast-draining potting soil will likely do.
  • Thyme(a personal favorite) - planet venus, it’s good for clairvoyance, cleansing, courage, divination, dreams, exorcism, faeries, happiness, healing, love, money, prevents nightmares, protection, psychic development, aannnddd purification. It’s a pretty useful little plant and it’s super cute if you ask me! Water completely each time but allow the pot to dry before watering again. Fertilize thyme with a weak solution of fish emulsion or liquid seaweed once a month - I swear by it! Trim off flowers and dry them for a sachet or use them in tea, bath, etc!
  • Rosemary -  It’s often used for protection, love, purification, healing, sleep, and youth. When burned it emits powerful cleansing and purifying vibrations and is used to rid a place of negativity. Same grow tips as thyme!
  • Orchid -  it can be used for elegance and beauty, concentration, strengthening memory, love, intuition, harmony, focus, and will power. I personally love having my orchids around during self love magic and glamour spells. It needs ample water but should be allowed to dry out some between watering - make sure to not over water it. Some orchids can be air plants!

Magical Tips For Growing Plants🌿

Just some tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years, some of these may not be super witchy but still definitely helpful for strong plant babies!

  • Sing or talk to your plants daily! Not only will the positive energy they receive help them grow strong, so will the more direct source of Carbon Dioxide. 💕 
  • Use rain water or moon water to water your plants! You can really use any kind of water but I advise against sea water unless you boil the salt out first.
    • Bonus! Charge your water with crystals. I like to leave mine out under the moon with moss agate, clear quartz, and rose quartz to encourage growth into a strong, beautiful plant.
  • If you smoke weed, ashes are lovely to give to plants once a week, most ashes work to be honest. You can also use left over tea leaves to compost as well, you can infuse/encourage your plants with energies of the tea!
  • You can also include eggshell powder or water from when you boil eggs in your waterings once a week to help aid it’s growth. 
    • I wouldn’t suggest feeding them plant food until their adults though just because it’s really simple to over feed them. But it’s okay to throw some eggshells in the beginning.
  • Sigils! Put sigils on everything, your watering can, the containers your plants are in, on the window they receive their sunlight from! Have fun, gardening is a great time to explore yourself and your craft.
  • Leave your plants under the moon to let the charge. Or when they’re in the sun let that charge them to bring energy and happiness into your home and life.
  • Leave crystals next to your plants or create little spell jar to keep in your garden. I have one of citrine, clear quartz, bay, oak, and a little love letter to Freyr because he’s my patron god and a god of nature.
  • This may sound weird but I swear my little green guys love jivin’ to music, play some and dance around with them, let them be lively and included in your life. We’ve been listening to a lot of Janis Joplin lately.
  • If your plant indoors you don’t have worms!! Oh no! Poke little holes in your soil (after their healthy sprouts) to make sure the soil isn’t compacted.
  • Understand how much space your plants are going to need.  It’s a common mistake for gardeners to get too small of pots. Research the type of roots your plants have - not all grow down some grow wide and need wider more shallow pots.
  • Look for the best place in the house for each plant, and don’t be afraid to try different locations until you find the best spot. Some plants are picky and that’s a-okay!

I hope this is able to help someone with their little green babies. Gardening can bring such joy to ones life, I hope it can for you!🌿

From the Other Side of the Signing Table

“I don’t know what to say to you,” the girl said. “Um, thanks, I guess.”

“Thanks is good,” I replied.

Silence stretched, punctuated only by the scuffle of a Sharpie on a page.

We were in the same boat, the girl and I — both at a book festival, both at the end of a long day full of people, both in a signing line that had been going on for an hour already. There was only one big difference between us: she was on one side of the table, and I was on the other. Sometimes that difference seems to matter more than others.

Before I was published, I read a lot of accounts of what it was like to have your work out there, but I never read anything about what it was like to have yourself out there. I suppose I never really thought about it, to tell you the truth. I thought you wrote a book and hopefully people liked it and if I thought about book tours at all, I figured they involved standing on a stage for a bit before disappearing into a rental car. The truth, however, is that now — ten years and fifteen novels in to my career — most of my hours in front of people are spent in a signing line. Forty minutes on a stage or behind a table for a panel, and then two or three hours meeting a few hundred strangers. I had no idea what it would be like.

This is what it’s like.


Keep reading

Here’s the full transcript of Mark talking Darkiplier in the livestream

(Time approx. 3 hours, 52 minutes to 4 hours, 4 minutes into the stream. And, yes, this took forever). Thought you’d like this, maybe.

I’ve bolded stuff I find especially interesting.

~~~~~~~

Mark: Long ago, a long time ago, I liked to do these scary edits because I just felt like doing scary edits and this is how Darkiplier got born. And then what happened was over time Darkiplier became less and less about the scary figure and more about this romantic figure, and it always rubbed me the wrong way. And I kind of shied away from Darkiplier for a while. And I really really really- if I was going to bring Darkiplier, and when we thought about this, we thought, okay there should be a Darkiplier route. And that was there from the beginning, and so when I wanted to do it I wanted to do it my way, and I wanted to do it right, and I wanted to have this unending level of creepiness. And at the same time, I didn’t want to step on the toes of Antisepticeye because I know there’s a big fan base of that, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that at all and I really don’t care that there’s more than one dark personalities of people. But when I saw the opportunity to have this character here, I spent like 8 hours editing this, like just meticulously every single RBG. This is a layer, we green screened this one, I color corrected it, I separated the RBG layers I added the shakes and glitchiness every frame. I worked on the voice, too. The voice took me the longest to figure out. Like the shakes! And my computer was dying this whole time cause I put my effects on here.

Tyler: The amount of time you had to spend rendering this.

Mark: And so, the audio’s actually three separate layers. It would have been two, but Kathryn helped me out on that one to make it more clear. It’s a normal pitched layer that’s edited, echoed, reverbed, mastered, and convoluted which means it’s just thrown off to the left and right, and then it’s a deep layer of that. But then to make it really come together- it didn’t live without this center channel that wasn’t convoluted but was centered. But getting that voice right was so pinnacle, so paramount to what I wanted to come out of this. And we did like thirty minutes of shooting various versions of me talking to the camera and I wanted to pick the exact dialogue that really kind of gave away my idea of what Dark is in not a terribly obvious way.

Tyler: The other thing, this was supposed to all be one video.

Mark: But YouTube annotations, this new version doesn’t allow you to link the same video multiple times, so these are literally the old videos that I first did when Darkiplier first came about, like, these are the ones, especially this one here, and then this is my cheap knockoff Darkiplier.

Amy: Canon Darkiplier.

Mark: Canon Darkiplier. And I’m going to readily admit something. I joked about Darkiplier because it didn’t seem like something people wanted to take seriously, and I’m okay with that on certain aspects but it had diverged into multiple different facets and multiple different personalities, and everyone had their own version of Darkiplier, and I thought it was hilarious that, “Hey, here’s my version of Darkiplier, and he’s an idiot.” Like, he’s just this weird emo kid. And then I stepped back from that, like, I stepped back. And you can even- in that time, when I was doing those videos, in this era, I was not very happy. I was kind of… I was pessimistic about a lot of things. And I felt like that bled through in a lot of things I did. And that’s why even October of last year I literally made Darkiplier an emo character. And then when we were getting to this, I thought about it like very carefully and I thought back to why I did it originally, and I did it originally because, well, Darkiplier wasn’t even a thing. Darkiplier was not a thing when I was making those videos. I just wanted to make some creepy stuff. And then I thought about that, and I was like if I want to make a statement about who this is, I need to own that and I need to put something out there that is not ambiguous, because I realize that’s where I went wrong. I didn’t have a solid character so obviously, people would come up with their own versions, they would fill in the gaps where they saw fit. So, when I made this I had to embrace it fully and fine-tune it down to exactly where I wanted. When you choose the “fake” choice carrying through to this one, I really wanted that to come through, except at the end to this video, where it gets silly, but that’s because the real me comes in and the real me’s an idiot. And I’ve actually watched this over and over again because I’m listening to the takes I put in here and I’m listening to my inflection and my tone, my demeanor and I’m imagining like how to refine it better next time when I bring him back, like how to do it better.

Tyler: I remember now, I set up the table.

Mark: Yeah, you did. You set up the table we had to change it out for clear glasses because the green screen was reflecting through. But yeah, even this, like the intersplices of anger, and this is me getting real deep in the meta of Darkiplier, like if that’s even a thing that can be- let me just pause it here. I don’t read too much into this but if there’s something that I want to take seriously, I want to actually do right. So, in my mind, Darkiplier is an entirely different person from me. But, much like Warfstache, doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He exists in another world entirely and bleeds through into this one. This is sounding really nerdy of me.

Tyler: I remember the Warfstache talk.

Mark: So Completely unironically, Darkiplier is a completely separate entity from who I am. But, he admires what I’ve accomplished, and he’s very much… people picked up on this, and people thought it was really creepy, because it’s what I wanted. He’s a social manipulator. He is literally, 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false sense of security, and he wants you to trust him because he wants to take advantage of you. That is literally what I wanted for Darkiplier. And how creepy and scary that actually is from the surface. Especially in this first bit, where he says, “If dinner is what you want, then I can provide.” And I wanted this to come across in a seductive way while also masking, like, this burning rage inside that breaks through the suave nature of it. That was my clue to reveal he’s not your friend. He’s not here to help you. He’s here to use you. And that also came across when I was thinking about, like, the effects. Like, his image shatters, he separates because he’s not entirely kept together, you know what I mean? So, I wanted like the drastic impacts of the rage pulling back suddenly to the calm nature and the demeanor and this last one, I was thinking was especially telling. It’s not me trying to break through, it’s his shell cracking.

Kathryn: I love that.

Mark: Yeah? It’s my favorite of all of them.

Kathryn: That’s one’s my favorite. I have legitimately just gone and watched that bit.

Mark: Yeah?

Kathryn: It’s really good.

Mark: Oh, thank you.

Kathryn: I really like that.

Mark: Yeah. And number 1 the visuals work hard on this one, but nailing the audio- that high-pitched ringing that a lot of people were like wow that really hurts my ears, that was by design. That was supposed to hurt because listening to him- a lot if inspiration for him comes from G-man from Half-life 2 and 1, like this weird interdimensional person that seems human but is obviously not and doesn’t obey the laws of physics, and is just like this shell of a person that’s in a suit. Not a suit, literally a human suit, and is trying to figure out how to puppet it right that you believe him, but he’s really good at it. And that’s where the scariness of Darkiplier, I think, really comes from, is because he seems like someone you can trust, and he will manipulate you, and take advantage of you, and literally use you, and to me that’s terrifying. Like that’s the antithesis of what I want to be and so if I’m going to make an opposite version of me, he’s gonna be the fucking worst. Like worse than any romantic story can ever bring about. He’s fucking awful.

Amy: It was convenient, though, I like the way it goes from Relax to this, like the video “Relax,” because then people were not expecting this. But it’s so nice to have it on Valentine’s Day. It works so well.

Mark: And then came the bullshit transition that we had to do. So, this is comical in a way.

Amy: It doesn’t drag it though.

Mark: Yeah it doesn’t drag. You get the scary. Tyler’s here-

Tyler: In Mark’s suit, which I have fit in, but not the pants.

Mark: He didn’t fit, we forgot to get a tie, like, we printed out a mask, and I looked at this and was like I could try to make this creepy, and then I went, I objectively can’t. Let me throw in some punch sound effects.

Tyler: I have to make sure, cause-

Mark: He couldn’t see shoot.

Tyler: No, I couldn’t, and I had to keep moving the mask cause there was one time we did this that the mask ended up completely on the side of my head and I was just like, hey Mark, you can’t touch my face.

Amy: The convenient thing about this, though, with all the glitches is that you can hide stuff with it.

Tyler: Yeah, and there’s a reason I never let go of Mark I have no clue where anything is.

Mark: Yeah, oh man. Oh, this, oh my god. Oh, and secret Easter egg- you know who Dark is because he doesn’t have a shadow. Totally intentional and by design.

Amy: His toes are missing too, but.

Mark: Shh he doesn’t have toes he’s so scary.

~~~~~~

.

After Hours [m]

pairing: reader x Yoongi

Genre: tattoed!yoongi, rapper!tyoongi, angst? fluff? smut, idk how to label this haha

word count: 16,212

warnings: graphic sexual content, alcohol, language

a/n: this is loosely based of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. i am v nervous about this as it isn’t the usual angst fueled plot I normally write. so if it’s crap, please be kind haha. i’m tagging the lovely @dimplecoups​ because i know you’ve been waiting for this. and @2seoke for always being the best babe.

Originally posted by lethargicmin

You looked in the mirror, making sure your face mask was properly in place. If you were going to look like a serial killer for the next 20 minutes, you at least wanted to look the part. Your bed was calling your name as you walked over to the soft mattress, choosing to ignore the missed calls and text messages from your best friend. This was the first Saturday night you had to yourself in months. No work. No brother. No best friend. You were free to do whatever you wanted.

Or at least that’s what you had originally intended. But as the door to your bedroom crashed open you soon realized that the night had other plans for you.

“Why haven’t you answered my calls?” your best friend Irene squealed as she plopped down at the foot of your bed. “It’s Saturday night and I know you don’t have to work tomorrow!”

You gave her a look. Well, you tried to give her a look to the best of your ability as the motions of your face was restricted by the sheet mask on top of it. “There’s a reason why I didn’t answer your calls. And just because my idiot brother gave you a key to our apartment doesn’t mean you can just waltz in here any time you want.”

Irene rolled her eyes, blowing a large bubble from the gum she was constantly chewing. She was clearly not amused at your disinterest on leaving your apartment tonight. You reached forward, popping it with your pointer finger. “You’re no fun, Y/N” she whined, collecting the gum back into her mouth.

“I can’t have fun when I’m always too busy taking care of you.” you quipped, reminding her of the last time the two of you went out. “I had to beg that cop not to give you a ticket for being drunk in public. Why aren’t you bothering my brother? I’m sure he would love to see you.”

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anonymous asked:

What do you think Nidoking and Nidoqueen are based of?

Their lines seem to be inspired by bits of all sorts of animals - we git some unmistakably mammalian influences, for example from rhinos, rodents/rabbits etc. but also something archaic and reptilian - hey don’t have cheeks for example. I think that they form a unique little clade within pokémon, a distinct body plan (that includes having also similar quadruped pre-evos) that allies them with the rhydon line. Indeed the Nido royalties, Rhydon, and Rhyperior all are known as The Drill Pokémon. Also, Khangaskan shares many features of this group too. 

The body plan of a large, eared, bipedal, tailed, spiny, reptiley-mammal has an unmistakably gen 1 feel about it, it is so recognisable, for example it stars as the iconic gym statues, and as one of the major roster sprites in gen1/2. Rhydon like mons everywhere man. 

Of course, rhydon was one of the first Pokémon designed, and you can see from this early concept art that the original rhydon was even more Nido like than now.  

Ok I don’t know where I’m going with this, but before I had a tendency to shoehorn pokémon into definitive groups based on real life counterparts, however this often runs into difficulties where you have pokémon based on more than one unrelated real life animal, or when a real life counterpart simply doesn’t exist. Plus we have lots of game mechanic bullshit that can be just plain biological sacrilege - eggs, B̑́ͧ͐rͨͩ̇ͣ̏ͧE̷͗E͑͟d͗͆iͤͦͫ͒n͟Ǧ̃̃̄̌, evolutionary stages (though I see pokémon evolution in this sense as a form of facultative metamorphosis) etc.  

I think now it’s better to assume that Pokémon is an incredibly different universe, but one that does share some fundamental biological and evolutionary laws and similarities. Thus for example instead of saying that Rattata is a rat definitively, it could be better to say that Rattata is an organism that shares many morphological and ecological characteristics with a rat, and thus, since we have very limited data to go upon (we can’t properly study it’s physiology, behaviour etc., sequence DNA etc., and like,the pokedex is written by a ten year old child lol), we can infer aspects of it’s biology from rats as well as it’s evolutionary relationships to other rodent like pokémon that share a similar suite of physiological and ecological characters, from what we know about such relationships in Rodentia, and from real world character evolution. 

So what can we say about the Nidos? They are part of a distinguishable group of pokémon that all possess a distinct set of ecological, behavioural, and morphological characters, which have analogies to a variety of real life mammalian and reptilian real life counterparts, such as rhinos, glires (rodents and lagomorphs (hares, pikas, and rabbits), and mammal like reptiles. The variation within this group of pokemon is less than the differences between members of this group and other pokémon, and this unites this group as a clade. It would be a lot of work to actually work out what pokémon the drill pokémon + khangaskan are most closely related to, i.e. make a phylogenetic tree, but here is just a rough within group tree with a possible scenario of major character evolutionary events (indicated by black rectangles). 

(also, the breeding rules between the Nidos, and whether the king and queen are different species or this is just sexual dimorphism is completely clouded by game mechanics of having gendered pokémon before established gender mechanics, so I’m not going to into that - however, I will say for a quick example, meerkats live in a matriarchal society and the alpha female usually has most of the breeding rights - however, because she has to defend the her position, as well as the group itself from danger, she often has very high testosterone levels which reduces her fertility - perhaps nidorina and nidoqueen are extreme examples of this, changing physically to take on a more protective role, letting nidoran sisters/aunts/mothers take on breeding roles)

Angel in the Darkness pt.5

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

Summary: After a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. Little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft. Jin, but not romantically)

Genre: Smut (M), angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au

A/N:This is a dark and filthy story! Graphic descriptions of sex (masturbating, etc), heavy dom/sub undertones, drug use, vulgar language use……(alot of smut comes in later) This is a mature read! You have been warned!

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 



The bright sunlight behind the curtains, stirs you awake from your deep sleep. There’s a faint smile stretched upon your lips, as you feel as if you’ve had one of the best naps in the longest of times. Your eyes are still closed shut as you try to flex your stiff muscles; only you can’t.

As soon as you tried to lift your arms, you hit something very hard and muscular. Huh? That’s weird. You can also feel that your legs are entangled, and something wrapped around your waist.

You didn’t mind the feeling, as you were still too tired to process things, and because it brought great warmth, but then you heard it; a faint grunt. Your eyes instantly shoot open, and you blush hard when you realize you’re wrapped up into Jungkook.

His face is mere centimeters away from yours, and his eyes are still closed shut, indicating he’s still asleep. You can feel his hot breath, gently tickling your red face, as his hair is all over. You peer downwards and see that his left arm is securely wrapped around your waist, as both of you were laying down on your sides. His long, thick legs were clumsily tangled with yours, and you were finding it hard to breathe since you were so close to him.

OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!?!

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NHL!Bitty, Pt. III - Post-Season

Bitty loves Seattle as much as a southerner can love a city that barely sees the sunshine, and he loves his boys, but god bless it if he doesn’t cross his fingers and toes every year hoping to get picked up by a Metropolitan team so he can at least live on the same coast as Jack.

For a few blissful months every year, Bitty gets his husband back; and promptly does none of what he’s planned to do with said husband.

(Also, point-of-order, Jack’s three-year, 1.2 million a year Falconers contract is on the lower end of the spectrum. The average (2016) NHL salary is around 2.9 mil a year, meaning Jack went pretty cheap for someone being scouted by so many teams. Did our beloved Canadian hockey robot turn down mad-money elsewhere to sign with the Falconers? Probably.) 

Part I - Hug Check |  Part II - Chirping

_________

They’re both snuggled up together in a rare moment of post-season calm. Neither are keen to move any more than the absolutely have to; tucked into lopsided couch cushions while the television plays split-screened between another film missed in theaters and the NHL Network.

It’s been a long, hard-fought season for them both: the Falconers knocked out of the playoffs in the second round, the Schooners barely making a dent in the first. Combine that with their newfound ‘chronic’ injuries and Bitty is happy to just lie here, mindlessly groping any part of Jack he can reach: he’s currently got a handful of pec, while Jack alternates between Bitty’s ass and lower back. It’s not arousing at all, just comfortable; until Jack’s wandering fingers hit a sore spot.  

“You okay?” Jack whispers when Bitty flinches.

Keep reading

Jimin as your Boyfriend
  • What a confusing boyfriend
  • One minute he’s an adorable smol bean
  • And the next, he’s showing off his hot bod
  • Uses cute nicknames like “baby girl” and maybe “kitten” idk how kinky he is
  • Probably really kinky lol sorry not sorry
  • Likes to stay indoors and cuddle with you when it’s raining to keep it chill
  • But takes you on picnics and to the pool when it’s sunny
  • When you don’t listen to him he might say one of two things:
  • 1) “Jiminie wants you to listen! Pweeeeaaaase!”(In which you respond by cringing)
  • 2) “If you don’t listen to me right now, princess, I’ll have to punish you later”(In which you respond by cringing).
  • If he’s on tour he’ll Skype or Facetime you every night so that he doesn’t have to wait a single night without seeing that beautiful face
  • He most likely steals your pillows because they smell like you WHICH HE SWEARS ISN’T A WEIRD THING TO DO AT ALL
  • Jimin sux at cooking so you’d have to cook for him a lot or get takeout
  • But when you do cook, he’s always trying to learn how you’re making things
  • “Okay, but how do you crack an egg so well? Don’t the shells get everywhere?”
  • He does bake well though, surprisingly enough
  • He’d make you little heart cookies and cupcakes on Valentine’s Day and stuff
  • Jimin knows how it feels to be insecure so he compliments everything about you as many times as he can throughout the day
  • “Oh your hair look as perfect as always!”
  • “How are you so pretty?????”
  • “Woah, I thought you were an angel, but y/n is better!”
  • I feel like Jimin loses things very easily and needs you to help him find a lot of stuff
  • And he’d use one of those
  • “y/n! I lost something, can you help me find it?”
  • “What did you lose this time, Jimin?”
  • “Oh wait I lost my heart, but it looks like you’re keeping it”
  • Jimin gives you a lot of shy kisses when he thinks you did something cute
  • So basically, always
  • I could see you being that couple who plays board games like candy land at a frat party
  • But I can also see you being that couple that grinds on each other all night?
  • Grinding+Candy Land= SIGN ME UP YES
  • You like to joke about his baby face, but then…
  • “You won’t be laughing when this dic-”
  • “OKAY THEN JIMIN I DIDN’T NEED TO HEAR THAT”
  • But at the end of the night when you’re all tired and flustered
  • You’d probably have sex
  • Just Kidding(not really)
  • But at the end of the night, Jimin would massage all of the worries from your body
  • And he’d whisper on and on about how grateful he is to have you in his life
  • And you can wrap your arms around him in comfort
  • Knowing he’ll always be there for you the next day

Originally posted by okayoongz

-Admin C

If you could send in requests, it would help us a lot with our writing… We don’t get inspo from thin air my dudes.

The Pokémon GO Eggstravaganza is here!

Trainers,

The Pokémon GO Eggstravaganza is nearly here! From 1:00 P.M. PDT on April 13 to 1:00 P.M. PDT on April 20, 2017, a greater variety of Pokémon can now be found in 2 km Eggs (yes, they have to be new eggs collected after the event start unfortunately, so clear out your current eggs!) Your Egg-venture doesn’t stop there, though—you’ll also earn extra candy for every hatch!

Throughout this Eggstravaganza, you’ll also level up even faster with double XP! This means that using a Lucky Egg would give you 4x the bonus (great for gaining some XP). To make this Eggstravaganza even sweeter, Lucky Eggs will be 50% off in the in-game shop!

Have an egg-cellent time hatching some rare Pokemon everyone!

10

Well, I just killed off Daisuga in this AU…

Atlantis - Haikyuu AU SCENE 1

instagram

natgeoVideo by @tbfrost and @melissalesh It turns out even baby crocodiles have an itch sometimes! But be careful , if you itch too hard you might take a tumble.

The mosquitoes in the swamp where this was filmed were awful, almost as bad as the far north , places like Canada and Alaska and Greenland, and as you can see they bothered the crocodiles too. This baby saltwater crocodile (crocodylus porosus) is only minutes old, just hatched out of its egg and climbed and clawed its way out of the earthen mound nest its mother made about 90 days earlier. Most saltwater crocodile nests have 40-60 eggs, this one had about that , though only 15 or so ever emerged. And of those 15 it is likely that only 1 will survive to adulthood. The rest will be picked off by birds, snakes, pigs, and even other crocodiles. It is a tough life and northern Australia is a harsh place. In many cases the mother crocodile will guard her nest until the baby crocs hatch. She knows they are ready when they start calling from inside the egg at which point she will help dig them from the nest and even carry them to the water in her mouth. It Is not uncommon for the mother croc to then spend two months with her offspring to protect them

imagine les amis de l’abc throwing an easter egg hunt for all the local gamins and such:

- Cosette pointing out that the garden in the house on the rue plumet is possibly the most perfect easter egg hiding spot to ever exist

- jvj is of course 10000% on board

- jehan and grantaire helping the little kids paint easter eggs

- Feuilly organizing the jelly beans. he color codes them.

- baz giving the kids piggy back rides/ letting them climb up on his shoulders when they get tired

- Bousset is the best at hiding eggs. That is, until he actually forgets where he put them. 

- Ep, Gav and Azelma bringing their two little brother bc those kids need to have some joy in their lives

- Musichetta + wearing bunny ears. just imagine. 

- Enjolras takes some convincing to get him to come but once he does he turns out to be great with kids. It gets a little concerning when some of the little ones starts shouting “down with the bourgeoisie” though

- jvj telling the little kids about the story of easter. combeferre jumps in with every little historical detail he knows

- courfeyrac has one of those magic crayons you can use to write on eggs before dying them so that whatever you draw shows up once they’re dyed. he dyes one to say “Send nudes” and gives it to marius

- joly handing out colorful baskets that he made for the occasion

- ye

Imagine you’re a peasant thief

Imagine you’re a peasant thief that’s just been caught by the guards of the rich lord you’ve been trying to steal from. It had been going so well - in the dead of night, no one was supposed to be home, the guards weren’t supposed to be anywhere near there - and yet, when you had gotten right up to the prize, a collection of gold and jewel encrusted eggs, suddenly there were guards all around you and nowhere to hide.

Within moments they had managed to subdue you and drag you into another smaller room, where the master of the house was waiting in his bedclothes. “I see you’ve heard the rumor of my golden eggs,” He said, waving off the guards, one of which turned and left, locking the door behind them. You pretended not to hear and looked away, possibly for an exit, but the master grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Well?”

You continued to ignore him, and he sighed, as though it were just unfortunate. With a snap of his fingers, the remaining guards came forward again and yanked you up, forcing you over to a bed piled high with luxurious fabrics. They pushed you down, your bound hands making it impossible for you to break your fall. You growled deep in your throat before turning yourself over, now only seeing the Lord in the room - you were alone.

“You thought you could just come in here and steal them? without even asking nicely?”

You scoffed and sighed before murmuring sarcastically, “Please, can I have your precious eggs?”

The master smirked, a quick tongue flicking out to lick his lips. “As you wish.”

In a flash he reached out and tore the pieced shirt and leggings from your body, and slapped a hand over your mouth when you cried out in alarm. He then leaned in and you felt the tiniest two pinpricks on your neck, something cool and fast making you lose the ability to struggle.

Nearly paralyzed, you could only watch in horrified shock as the Lord stepped away to discard his robes, his large and erect cock much bigger then your own. “What are you doing?! What have you done to me!” You tried to yell, though it came out more as an angry whisper, and he smiled as he came over again, incisors much sharper then any human’s.

“Why, I’m just giving you what you asked for.”

Unable to fight back, he pressed your legs apart and made himself comfortable between them, amusing himself with exploring your body and taking particular interest in touching your soft cock, playing with it until it was at least semi erect. You couldn’t believe your body was betraying you this way as another man touched you like this, but the worst was still to come.

When he grew bored of playing with your cock he began to move downward, long fingers pressing and probing up and against the rim of your ass, which to your bewilderment seemed to burn at his touch. You struggled to keep back a moan, unsure where it was coming from, because in your head you knew this should be disgusting but feeling it was another thing altogether.

Satisfied, he leaned back a bit to touch himself, a thick pearly substance leaking from his cock that he used to wet the rest of him, making him grow bigger with each swipe and tongue flicking out as he watched the war in your eyes. He was easily the size of your forearm now, so there was no way you wanted this, and yet something in you was suddenly craving it, wanting something you had no name for.

The Lord chuckled as he saw the want win out and shuffled forward, pushing your thighs apart and against your chest to make it easier to press into your fluttering opening, groaning as your body gave one last weak resistance. It should have hurt, but whatever he had done to you was preventing the pain and instead only giving you pleasure as the head popped in, and then he was shoving the rest of it into you, making you gasp as it filled you completely.

He was kind enough to give you a moment to adjust, but only that moment, because the warmth of you felt so good and he was impatient to move, thrusting shallowly until he could work his way up into fucking you properly. It was so vigorous he was forcing you up the bed with each thrust, seemingly lost in the throws of your body as he sought his pleasure and dragged all of it out of you as well - had you had the ability you probably would have been screaming with pleasure, never having experienced such passion as this.

Before long though you felt something shift, his cock seeming to grow at the base where it slammed into you but then travelling along the length of him, pressing into you and making you sob in euphoria as it rolled along your sweet spots. You were sure you were seeing some when the burst of warmth bloomed into the space his cock had fucked into you, a no less warm splash of cum hitting your stomach as you came all over yourself. Gasping for breath, you forced your eyes open and blinked past the sweat and tears to watch as it happened again, actually able to see the bulge travel down his cock and into you, the burst of warmth actually a round sized object you could just make out under your skin.

Groaning and squirming, the Lord seemed to realize what was happening and pulled back just enough to flip you back over on your front, yanking your hips up and thighs apart to keep fucking the thick balls of mind numbing pleasure up into you, making your belly grow hard and full with at least a hundred of the fist sized things, your cock all but spent from cumming yourself dry all over the underside of your belly and the sheets below.

By the time his thrusts began to slow you could almost rest your belly against the bed while still kneeling, almost out of your mind and shaking hard as he pulled away from you. As though trying to keep him inside you felt your ass clench as he slipped free, jostling the things inside you and making you moan.

You almost missed the hands untying your own, but immediately used them to roll onto your side when you almost fell on your belly, unable to believe the size of it as you grasped at it and turned to glare at the Lord. More and more feeling was returning to your body, with it the weight of your now massively huge stomach and your vocal cords.

“What have you done to me!”

The Lord turned from where he was slipping back into his clothes, a more serene smile on his face as he came back to the bed and lay a hand on your belly, causing the things to shift around under his touch. “Just what you asked. Those eggs will take at least a fortnight to mature, and they’ll grow rapidly at random, so we have a little time to get to know one another better. But don’t worry, they aren’t the golden kind. That comes after I’ve fucked each and every one of them out of you.”

It’s been awhile, but gotta write when the inspiration hits!
xxx Soup

“Flat out” - h.s. Part 3

Part 1 / Part 2 

—–

—–

Before Harry came back to London, you had always enjoyed that your flat was kind of a drama free zone. You never invited anyone over, except for Felicity who came over on weekends to study, and you always had a sense of clear calm and peace to have your work zone and just enjoy yourself.

But when Harry came back for longer than just a couple weeks, things did become different. You didn’t mind though considering it was technically his apartment, and it was just his space as much as it was yours. But you knew that the only reason the flat had been so quiet was because you had been the only one in it. And now that Harry was back, you both found a way to express yourselves through some louder words every once in a while.

With the arrest of diTorino and his buddies, you really didn’t feel unsafe in any way. But that didn’t seem to matter to Harry as he drove you in silence back to the flat you shared. He was quiet, a brooding angry quiet that you didn’t want to mess with, and you decided not to allow it to bother you in any way as you dropped your keys and shoes at the front door and made your way inside.

You’d seen Harry angry on multiple accounts. There had been the whole cupcake fiasco at Liam’s birthday two years ago, and then that paparazzi that had almost knocked you over during your time in Canada. And though it was scary at times, you never took it that seriously because you knew he was nothing more than a softy on the inside.

So you didn’t take it into thought as Harry slammed the door behind you while you walked over to the kitchen.

Keep reading

Sleeping next to boyfriend!Tom
  • he’s a bed hog, he’d never admit it. even though his brothers tease him about how they’d end up on the floor when they’d have to share beds on holiday
  • you, of course, can back this theory up
  • but whenever you try and joke around with his brothers about this he playfully glares at you, saying “you’re my girlfriend! if you’re not on my side, who will be?!”
  • he talks in his sleep too, especially lately since his sleep schedule has been turned upside down with filming and press tour
  • it never really makes much sense…sometimes it will be just mumblings or random words like “eggs” “sparkles” “Pablo Escobar”
  • (this is probably because he’s just getting into Narcos. you know, you know, like eight years after everyone else!!!)
  • he’s also a warmth chaser, like he’ll follow the warmth of your body if you ever detangle yourself from him at any point in the night
  • this is unfortunate when you visit him when he’s filming because Atlanta has hot, humid nights and having him curled up at your side only adds to the heat
  • “no, tom, too hot.” you’ll groan pushing him away from you
  • “just put on leg out. lemme rest ‘n ya” he’ll reply sleepily, his hand hunting for the edge of the duvet and bunching up so one of your legs and stick out
  • he’s also a really sleeper, like if he falls asleep on one of your limbs, you should just amputate it because it will loose all circulation before he ever lets you go
  • once you had to push him off with two feet and your other hand because your arm was so insanely numb
  • but as much as he wants to sleep in, the continuous early mornings for work outs and filming and press have really fucked up his sleep schedule and always wakes up sometime between 5 am and 7 am
  • and since he’s up, you have to be up
  • he gets really, really close to you, hooking an arm over your middle and and budging a knee in between your legs
  • “hey….”
  • “hey”
  • “good morning, sweetheart”
  • “(y/n)……….”
  • “pleeeeeeeeeeease princess.”
  • he eventually gets so bored that he will lay on top of you, nudging his forehead against your cheek or even gently biting your shoulder
  • but a sleepy smile on your face makes him beam at you
  • “you’re awake!!” he coos, hugging you….we’ll as much as he can because he’s, ya know, on top of you
  • “how’s breakfast sound, darling?”
  • (just want to remind everyone that tom say darling like this. and if you forgot, i hope you remember and know how much pain i am thinking about it :——-D )
A Beginner's Guide to Detoxing

For tmphenomenon:

I was looking forward to writing this for you because I love seeing young, black people do things to better their overall health (so we can be fine and sexy forever and slay into eternity, Amen). ALSO, ‘CAUSE, YOU’RE FAM FOR LIFE!!!

Why people detox:

When we enjoy delicious ass shit from our affordable fast food restaurants, we are destroying our body. Most of the time, the food we eat has been fried, dyed, processed, “enriched,” packaged, repackaged, and distributed, so by the time it gets to us it’s not really even food, though it tastes fucking amazing. It really messes with our internal health and perspective, clouding our judgment and fucking up our life. The healthier you eat and drink in general, the more clarity you have.

To combat the nasties, your body needs mini-cleanses every now and then so your digestive system can properly eliminate the bad, allowing for the absorption of good vitamins and nutrients we actually need. This strengthens your immune system and cleanses the blood. It also helps to block certain negative creepy crawlies that try to infect our cells.

The body eliminates toxins via the kidneys, intestines, lungs, skin, and lymph nodes, but most of the time it’s using all of its energy to break down everything we eat. Therefore, the toxins just float around and wreck havoc because the body ain’t got time to kick them out.

Buckle, up! Here we go! 

BODY

Food + drinks:

1. Lots of liquids- this flushes out all the bad stuff. It’s good that you already drink lots of water, but we need to kick that up a notch with herbs that will help cleanse your liver and colon, bettering your overall digestive health. I, of course, being a ratchet hippie, recommend tea. 

 a) infuse water overnight (slices of cucumber or lemon in a bottle). See tumblr for the chart of when is best to drink water for the most benefits + recipes at bottom.

b) green tea or herbal tea, start off with green +honey then work your way up 

c) juice! -fresh, not-from-concentrate, not- bullshit into thinking it’s healthy

You don’t even need a juicer, honestly. pour some water in a blender and spinach in there. BOOM. juice.

2. Fresh fruits and veggies (it’s cheaper to do this in smoothie-form). Big bags of spinach, bananas, and whatever fruit you blended up in a cheap blender (I got my from Wal-Mart for $15 and found another one at Goodwill for 3).

3. Fiber: This will help your body get rid of the toxins easier. I recommend eating at least one of the following ever day: brown rice, sprouted bread (NOTHING “enriched,” that just means bleached to look pretty -__-), cabbage, broccoli, spirulina, chlorella, etc. Fruits and veggies have an ass of fiber, so if you’re already eating those, you’re good.*

*If you don’t want to do the actual work, I recommend Bolthouse farms green juices. They taste good, have no preservatives, and are like 2.35 for 8 servings at Aldi. If y'all don’t have Aldi, I’ll get you some. Also, a lot of people mix these with water to stretch them, but also to make sure your body isn’t overwhelmed.

4. Take some type of vitamin. When I was drunk I ranted about “eating the rainbow,” because different colors correspond to different essential nutrients we need to survive the human experience. These colors also correspond to the 7 chakras. If you’re eating right, it balances other aspects of your life as well. Most of the time ain’t nobody got money or time for that, so buy a cheap one-a-day multivitamin so you won’t shock your body during detox.

What do the colors of fruits and veggies mean? (pic via @catasana)

Blue/purple= high antioxidant + balance bood pressure

Green= remove toxins and carcinogens, also sources of vitamin K, folic acid, omega 3 fatty acids

Yellow= Lutein (good for eyes), healthy fats, pretty skin

Red= powerful antioxidants 

Orange= vitamins A +C

Tans/weird beiges–usually high fiber content

5. Healthy fats- Depending on how long you want to detox, you’ll need to reintroduce heavier foods into your diet, after mostly eating fruits, vegetables, seeds, etc., so you won’t shock your body when you eat a piece of pizza

Try: Salmon, avocados, walnuts, etc.

6. Simply substitute slowly (alliteration for that ass!) Going cold turkey will make you miserable. Instead of french fries, get sweet potato fries. Instead of ranch dressing, get Italian or something oil/vinegar based. Instead of iceberg lettuce (which is honestly trash, and I would slap the fuck out of anyone who tried to serve it to me), get romaine. 

1 month detox:

First week: just drink one green smoothie/drink/tea (or eat your fill of fruit) every morning and don’t change anything else. Soon your body will start to crave whatever is in your smoothie.

You can also alternate between a green smoothie, a scrambled egg on toast w/ avocado, or BOTH. Whatever else you want that’s not like… frosted flakes you can pretty much have. You just want you body to get into a routine. Avoid heavy, delicious foods like pancakes, pasta (anything wheat-based. we’re prepping your digestive system) and no candy +sugar.

Second week: Make your breakfast AND lunch “green.” Have a big ass salad or lots of vegetables with a side of sweet potatoes or something. NO CHEESE (feta/goat cheese is okay though–easier for body to digest and less allergenic). We’re not even supposed to have dairy products, because it doesn’t agree with our systems at all, plus it’s gross (but so delicious).

I tell non-vegetarians that it’s okay to have chicken and lighter choices, but stay away from beef and dairy products. Listen to your body. Once it’s detoxing, you’ll start to crave everything you DON’T need to have. Especially sugar. Pretty much any fast food we eat is jacked up on sucrose. 

The first 2-3 days you might feel super crappy because your body is ridding yourself of toxins, but  once you get past that you’ll have an unusual amount of energy.

Third week: If you made it past the cravings hurdle, up the ante. Have a green juice before bed as well as in the morning. Stick with your one green meal for lunch or dinner. It is important that you eat enough, otherwise you will feel weak. Plants and herbs give you a lot of energy but you need to EAT them and drink them. We feel full after eating a burger but lethargic the next day because we just poisoned our body. We feel awesome after having a big ole salad because we basically just ate direct sun energy.

Last week: Listen to your body. The first time I did any kind of detox, I was so eager to stick to a plan, but every plan doesn’t work for everybody. Your body will tell you what it needs and by this time you’ll know what it is you’re supposed to be eating and drinking. It takes 21 days to break a habit (I don’t know if this is true, but let’s go with that).

Also, your body might not need a full month, and it might need longer than a month. You can tell how you’re doing by your energy level, whether or not you had a detox reaction (the feeling crappy, almost flu-like), and if you’re shitting regularly. 

Common types of detoxes:

Some people detox for weight loss, health issues, or just want to give their bodies a break. From what I’ve experienced, here are the most popular types:

1) Strictly juicing/liquids: unfeasible for you because you’re on your feet all day or using your energy on snapchat. The longest I’ve seen someone do a juice cleanse is for 41 days, but usually they’re 3-5, just to give your body a break)

2) All green- basically, no animal products and not a lot of processed food. Plant-based/(80/20 raw/cooked) are common forms. If you eat pasta/fries/pizza, you make it yourself and know all the ingredients going into it. Be cheap and buy frozen fruits and vegetables and make stir fry. Whatever you want to learn how to make, check out organigasm’s instagram and I’ll send you the recipe. It doesn’t have to be flavorless and fucking boring to be healthy.

3) Paleo- Yes: Fruits, Vegetables, Seafood, Nuts & Seeds, Healthy Fats, Lean Meat. No: Dairy, Grains, Processed Food, Processed Sugar, Legumes, Starches, Alcohol. Honestly, I think this diet is a fad that comes up with different names every few decades. Seriously, a bunch of rich people use this to diet or have “healthy lifestyles,” but thousands upon thousands of families don’t have access to these types of foods. I digress.

MIND:

1. Set your intentions when you wake up in the morning. Example: “Today, will be fan-fucking-tastic,” or you can thank the creator or thank your body for helping you out with your shenanigans. Keep it to yourself, write it down, shout it out, whatever. You need to start your day with positive thoughts to ensure you have the willpower to make it. You will crave everything you DO NOT need.

2. Work-out at least 30 minutes a day, and if you can’t do that, try 3/7 times a week. Start somewhere. Dance it out when you get out of the shower, walk down the street at a fast pace–whatever, again, just get moving.

3. For strength of body and mind, I recommend yoga, and I hope your stubborn ass considers it (it also makes for fun sex, I’m just saying).

Here’s a link to good poses for detoxing: http://bodyunburdened.com/yoga-for-detox-10-poses-that-promote-cleansing/ + youtube and netflix have free videos FOR NOOBZ!#@

4. Before you go to bed, clear all the negative energy you can. I’m not gonna get into all the stuff, but like when you woke up, write it down, draw it out, etc.

Doing this throughout the detox will allow you to clear your mind and determine what works for you during this new journey!

5. Get enough sleep–This is a tough one, but while you’re sleeping your body does the most incredible things. Seriously, you will thank yourself. Even if you only get 4 hours of sleep, getting 15 extra minutes, then gradually increasing REALLY helps.

Final tips:

1. eat your biggest meal at lunchtime (your metabolism is peaking from about 12pm-8pm)

2. SLEEP. Seriously. Your body is healing you. Let it help.

3. I will help you meal prep, but frozen vegetables + canned beans, packaged nuts keep the costs of detoxing low. Also, farmer’s have good ass prices. Take a fine honey on a date to the farmer’s market and cook a sexy meal afterwards.

4. Try new things. Seriously. You can’t eat a cucumber and an apple every day and expect magic to happen. 

5. Don’t overcook anything. Leave that broccoli a little crunchy. Don’t kill the nutrients, bro.

6. cheat! allow yourself one day during the first two weeks to cheat on your detox, or whenever you fucking feel like. you deserve rounds… of krispy kreme donuts. TREAT. YO. SELF. 

7. Don’t count calories, or carbs, or whatever the fuck the newest pyramid says to do. 

Good Water Infusion Combos:

1. lemon/lime +mint + honey

2. strawberries, blueberries

3. pineapple + basil

4. grapefruit/orange

5. mango + peaches

6. apple+ cinnamon + honey 

Final thoughts: Really, once you get used to it, you’re always detoxing. Even drinking a cup of tea a day and still eating like shit is better than nothing.  Just be kind to yourself. It’s a process, and I’m still learning, but I get better every day. Good luck! I’m always here to help. 

Now, let’s go detox, y'all.

✌️

i have 0 chill.  i have no idea how to write anything less than 4k words.  why can’t i write anything casually.  i hope you guys enjoy this because i have been agonizing over it all week lmao.

title: un peu, beaucoup, passionnément
fandom: hamilton
pairing: laf x reader
rating: m for smut
word count: 6981

Hi! Maybe a fic where you’re Laf’s one night stand and when you wake up and are about to leave and John and the other boys offer you some breakfast. You become part of the Hamilsquad and there’s a lot more sexual tension between you and Laf until the squad intervenes and you both admit your feelings for each other and more smut ensues.

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BLUE’S CLUES in Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (SPOILERS)

Here follows a comprehensive(ish) list of clues as to Blue’s real identity in Simon Vs (plus some related easter eggs), because I am bored, and there’s no such thing as Bad Simon Content.

Keep reading