Lethal League is a fighting game with supersonic dodge/baseball where you can literally destroy the universe by hitting the ball hard enough. You can also play as, among other nutjobs, a skater robot, a cyborg crocodile, and a god tier waifu.
One of Zenyatta’s respawn lines is “Pain is an excellent teacher” so I desperately need a remake of that “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball” scene from Dodgeball, but with Zenyatta and his orbs during Genji’s training.
My best friend Flo has been pretty damn supportive of my lifestyle change and she’s going through something similar herself. Just to give some background, she’s a prolific hockey and soccer player and as she’s settled into teaching, she’s been doing less sports. So she signed up in an ultimate frisbee and ball hockey league. It’s sports but it’s also very much social.
So after her first UF game, she called and told me that the dodgeball teams still have space left so…
This week, you be talking like one of those grown people on them Charlie Brown things (why it gotta be brown?). We’ll be able to hear you, but we won’t be able to understand… at first. You need to give us time for your morse code shit to soak in, which will take at least a couple of days. Once the messages sink in, we’ll be able to hear you loud and clear.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
If you were in a school of fish, you’d be the one asking the gym coach if you can walk around the school instead of playing dodge ball. And by walk around the school, you mean walk straight to the bleachers to activate your fog machine. Accept that you won’t be moving at the same pace as everyone for a little while. Eventually you’ll get back in step with errbody and it will be a worthwhile reunion.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Although things seem to be working for you nowadays, this week, you’ll be slapped in the face, not by someone’s impressive appendage, but by Dear Miss Nostalgia. You will long for the past like a model craving for a piece of celery. It’s natural for a ho like you to look back. You move forward so fast that you rarely have time to do some contemplatin’ on the things you’ve experienced along the way. I say give in to nostalgia. Absorb it. Learn from it. And know that by moving on, it don’t mean you’re letting go.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Gurl. This may be hard for you to believe, but bitches be judgy around you because they care. Now that these bitches are offering to help you with a current situation, it may take a lot of conversatin’ between you and your ego to reach some sort of compromise before letting them hos in. Don’t let your pride get in the way of progress.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 21)
Pursuing a new venture may be an exciting time for you, but for your minions, it’s a source of aggravation. I’m just saying, it may not be fun for them to try to keep up whenever you zig zag through all your ideas in the course of seconds. This is the time when action points need to be doled out effectively. Oh, I don’t know, put it in a document, maybe? Have them clearly stated out in list form or in bulletpoints? It wouldn’t hurt to power up that Microsoft Word.
CANCER (June 22 – July 22)
The past few weeks have been quite a shit show for you, but fret not: it’ll all be over soon. Once the storm has passed (Thursday-ish), expect to still have those feelings of stress and paranoia to linger, ‘coz gurl, you and I both know you have a hard time letting go of emotions, even the negative ones. Always remember to breathe (remember breathing?) and enjoy that tingling sensation as all the negativity of the past few weeks floweth awayeth.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Have you been hanging out with an ARIES lately? Because you sure are acting like one. Between the pouting and the complaining, you’re beginning to look like your fellow flaming sign. I think it would behoove you to sit down and reconcile yo ass with this week’s responsibilities. By writing them all down, it’ll increase your power over them, and it will be that much more thrilling when you start crossing them bitches off (you know, like you do your enemies).
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
This week, you may be feeling like the inspiration has left yo body. Projects you may have felt passionate about in the past are now seeming stale. Your natural course of action is to keep moving and grinding until you’re in step with enlightenment once again. I say fuck that. You need to do things that you enjoy and love, away from your projects. These activities are where the inspiration lies. Once you touch base with that spark, you can plunge into your projects again.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Oh, honey. You love keeping the peace, but this ain’t the week to do that shit. Expect the most irrational of all irrational bitches to arrive at your door, each with her own one-of-a-kind baggage. Welcome them with open arms, but allow yourself the option to kick them out once they start acting up, even if they do in a matter of seconds. And remember, busted bitches choose Jif.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
There comes a time when a bitch becomes heavily invested into role play. And we both know that your intensity isn’t just reserved for scheming and conniving, it also carries over into fun and frivolity. Into whips and chains. Into leather and lace. Into candy-striper outfits and French maid outfits. Into doing it in places where you could get caught. I could go on, but I’m getting hot and bothered myself.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
This week, expect to be heavily obsessed with your mouth. What goes in it, what goes out of it, how big it can get, how BIGGER it can get… This week is the perfect arena to show off your mouth skills. People are more apt to be aroused by the exchanging of ideas and engaged by titillating conversations. And if anyone gets offended, you can always pretend-toss your hair, giggle, and say, “just kidding!" This week, only you can make this move work, you charming son-of-a-bitch.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
We’ve always known that you’re the shit when it comes to work, but this week, your constituents are getting bored watching you rise to the top. Predictability is your enemy, gurl, and it will score you more points if you let others be involved with your climb. Reaching your end goal at this point is easy peasy; you can’t lose anything by letting others help you out. It may even yield surprising yet positive results.
(DISCLAIMER for all entries: This is all a shit show!)