Grab Life by the Horns
Last night on a D&D adventure, our tiefling warlock was in the process of getting rammed by an undead rothé.
Tiefling: I see it coming and put my horns down, ready to ram it back.
Me (DM): Wait, you what?!
Tiefling (OOC): I wanna ram him back! I have horns and I’m gonna use them.
Me: Fine, you squat down, presenting your horns to the rothé. It misses, but locks horns with you. Your horns versus a powerful undead beast, the animal wrenches its horns away, cracking the tip of your left horn off.
Tiefling: NO! Not lefty! He was my favorite!! It’s my turn next so I cast agonizing blast and aim for his… (OOC) Wait, can I roll to find out which horn is his favorite horn?
DM: Oh my god…sure.
*rolls a nat20*
Me, head in my hands: If an undead rothé could favor one horn over another, this one would pick the right horn.
Tiefling: Yes!! I cast agonizing blast on his right horn.
DM: It hits with force damage, splintering the horn off at the base and falling to the ground.
Tiefling: Aha!! You take my horn, I take yours!
The rothé comes back for the tiefling, ready to ram again.
Tiefling: Uh…I put my horns down, ready to ram too.
DM: You already lost one horn, why are you doing this to yourself?
Tiefling: I need to assert dominance!
DM: The attack hits, but with his right missing and your left missing, it’s left locks with your right horn. It strikes your puny tiefling head, cracking the tip off your right horn.
Tiefling: What?! No!!
The battle ended, the rothé fell in front of the tiefling.
Tiefling: (OOC) Can I take his remaining horns?
DM: Do a strength check.
DM: You put your foot on the rothé’s undead skull, pulling its left horn with all your strength. Your foot falls through the skull but the horn comes loose…too fast. You pull it into your shoulder doing *rolls a d4* 4 points of piercing damage to your shoulder.
Tiefling: YOU’RE DEAD AND STILL YOU HURT ME.