you came to the wrong

spice up those coffee shop AUs
  • sure, i used to be a regular, but i literally haven’t been to this coffee shop in two years. how do you still remember my order??
  • you wrote my name down wrong the first time i came here and i didn’t correct you, but you’re really sweet and now i don’t know how to tell you you’ve been calling me by the wrong name for the past month.
  • i’m the manager and one of the other employees keeps drawing amazing art on the chalkboards, but i can’t figure out who it is?? i’ve been keeping a meticulous schedule to figure out whose shift it appears during
  • i work opening shift, but whenever i get there at 5:30 somehow you’re always already there, looking flawlessly put together. you haven’t even had your coffee yet. tell me your secrets.
  • we’re coworkers but we work different shifts and communicate exclusively through post-it notes. maybe i should just give you my phone number already so you can tell me more about the lady who ordered a latte for her ten year old.
  • you and your friend always sit at the table a couple down from mine and gossip in [insert language here], which happens to be a language i’m currently learning. i’ve been eavesdropping to try and improve my listening comprehension and oh my god are you actually talking about how hot i am??? 
  • i love hot chocolate So Much but it’s embarrassing to be the adult ordering hot chocolate at a coffee shop, so do you think you could announce that it’s a different drink when you’re giving it to me??
  • at the local coffee shop, there’s a chess set set up in one corner of the shop and every morning i move one piece. later in the day, someone else always moves a piece too. i’m dying to know who i’m playing against.
  • i’m a new hire and you’re trying to show me how to use the espresso machine. i actually already know how to use it, but i’m pretending to be incompetent so that you’ll keep talking to me. please don’t fire me.

But seriously tho, on the topic of temperatures we can survive and stuff, aliens would flip the heck out if they lived where i do.

I live in a part of southern Canada that gets so cold that being outside for more than 2 minutes means you have a good chance of getting frost bite.

My room has two outside walls, and is very well insulated. In the winter i get frost on the inside of my walls and i couldnt give two shits. I sleep with the exact same blankets i do in the summer.

Like you see all these things about Australia, or rainforests, or Florida, and how extreme they are.

But id like to see aliens take on a candian hosehead. They’re like red necks, but with more crazy stunts, more beer, and more guns. Like can you imagine???

Alien: ah yes a nice cool region this will do nicely for the invasian

Human: *careens off building on a ski doo towing another man on a toboggan, hollering about how he left his beer at the lodge*

Alien: well perhaps the local species are a bit strange, but mostly harmless! After all, this species of humans “can-ayy-dee-ins” are known throughout this planet as kind and docile, we shall have no difficu-SMACK- HOLY GILSNIP YOU HIT ME WITH A PEICE OF ICE YOU PRIES FROM THE LAKE AND NOW IM BLEEDING HOW DARE YOU FEEL MY WRATH

Humans: WEEEE HEEEHEHEEEEE you came to the wrong neighbour hood, bud!

Alien:…. my scans say you are heavily intoxicated. This shall be a easy fight

Human: *whistles loudly and gives a big toothy smile*

Alien: starts screaming as another human on a sled heads a MASSIVE HEARD OF WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEAST ITS FURY AND IT HAS BEEN HORNS GREAT GILSNAP GET ME OUT OF HERE

Humans: high fiving as they climb on their sleds and chase after their herd of buffalo because that will take a while but it was ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT DID YOU SEE THAT ALIENS FACE GET REKT

5 Writing Tips for Roleplayers

I wrote this up on a blog of mine that’s currently inactive in response to a meme, and I felt like sharing it here, too! These are tips I keep in mind regularly and feel they really work for me, while I occasionally notice sometimes people haven’t quite grasped the concepts and may be interested in doing so. In no way is anyone roleplaying incorrectly, but these are just ways to make the experience perhaps more enjoyable for you and those you interact with!

1 Be aware of whether or not you’re actually giving your partner something to respond to. Upon finishing a para or multi-para reply, check if your reply has at least two of these three things: dialogue, action (aside from speaking), or imagery describing the scene or your character’s appearance. This should give your partner a substantial amount of material to base their reply off of. They can have their character speak back to yours, react to the action, or react to/build on the imagery! All three are great, but not always necessary. This tip also may not always apply depending on the kind of interaction you’re having, but in your typical para they will be what keeps the story moving. Note: Your character’s inner thoughts are a fourth element to add in a reply, and while it’s important and interesting to read, keep in mind that sometimes it’s not easy to base a response off of.

2 Another tip for giving your partner something to respond to when it comes to one-liners or dialogue in general is to avoid saying single statements pertaining to one idea. By this I mean something like, “That’s cool” or, “I wish I could do that.” Instead say something like, “That’s cool. Where did you learn to do that?” or, “I wish I could do that, but I don’t have anyone to teach me.” Adding a question of course never fails to give your partner something to respond to (and therefore can even be written by itself as it’s not a statement). Making a compound statement or more than one statement on a subject essentially gives people two things to work with, and responding to it will feel less restricting. For example: Instead of your partner saying “You never know until you try” to the simple statement (creating another boring statement), by adding to yours you could invite them to say something like, “You never know until you try. I could teach you!” Now there’s something you can easily respond back to!

3 If you’re anything like me and prefer replies to stay concise so that things move along more quickly, avoid multiple lines of dialogue pertaining to many different ideas and avoid having more than one goal to obtain through action. This is something that happens a lot, and even the most experienced roleplayers do it unintentionally. I am still guilty of it myself. We all go a little overboard sometimes, and you will notice that once someone goes overboard the replies have a tendency to keep expanding. Even if more is happening at once, the story tends to drag. This can be a problem because it’s one of the main reasons we will get bored of a thread, or feel too overwhelmed by it, or both. Try to restrain yourself by finishing the reply after you have responded to the one or two things your partner has given you. Instead of focusing on matching word count, focus on matching ideas. Feel like it’s still not enough? Throw in some imagery or insight to your character’s thoughts.

4 When writing a starter for an interaction with a character yours has yet to interact with, this should be a given, but read everything the mun has provided about that character. If it’s a canon character and particularly if it’s one you’re not as familiar with, go beyond that and look them up on a fandom wiki, just make sure to recognize where the character may be canon divergent if they’re supposed to be. As you do this, pick out ways this character may relate to your character. Do they have similar or conflicting interests? Are they from the same place or been to the same places? Is there something about them your character finds impressive or something that bothers them? Is your character’s personality one that might clash with theirs? Once you’ve got answers to any of these questions, have your starter comment on or insinuate something you’ve discovered. This gives something for your characters to discuss and jumpstarts the creation of a story to share, which is especially important if it’s their first meeting as those threads are always in danger of feeling redundant and flat from the start.

5 Find your character’s voice (a.k.a. their way of speaking). As you write their dialogue, ask yourself questions like these: Where/when did they grow up and how did people (of their social class) speak there? What kind of accent do they have? What slang do they use? Do they avoid using contractions? Do they use foul language and how often? Are they articulate with a wide vocabulary? Do they keep things short or are they prone to run-on sentences and long-windedness? Do they have a speech impediment? Are exclamations (!) common for them or do they speak more calmly? Do they address people with pet names/nicknames? And a bonus: If texting/typing applies to them, do they use correct grammar, capitalization, acronyms, emojis, etc? Finding your character’s voice is key if you really want to get to know them and it’s also one good way to be sure you’ve created a solid character. You may feel it comes naturally, but take note of it and make a conscious effort to keep it consistent. It also may evolve over time, but be aware of that, too!

3

Soooooo with the potential reveal that Lance is in the red lion and Keith is in the black lion for season 3, I started thinking about what paladins might be able to swap lions if needed.

And then i thought way too much about this. And it became… a thing.

In the comics, there’s a scene where Pidge has to fight all the paladins, and she explicitly says that she HAS to take Lance out first because he’s able to work and enhance every other team member so well. So that’s where the idea that Lance could pilot all the lions came from. But what do you guys think? Am I wrong and a garbage human? What are your ideas?

Read more for the text as I realise it may be hard to read

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Btw

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about liking IT “too late” or “just because a movie came”. Like, there’s no WRONG time. If you like IT, you like IT. Whether it be the book, the 1990 mini-series, or the 2017 movie. There’s no credentials  before you become a fan.

8

Reader x McCall Pack, Reader x Hale Pack

Requested By Anon


“Hey (Y/N) you wanna help Isaac out?” Derek asked and you stopped your search for your brother as you spotted Derek rearranging what looked like a box of chains.


“No offence I don’t think Mr Grey was a werewolf.” You told him and he chuckled.


“Yeah but werewolves are better, let me tie Isaac up and show you.” Derek smiled when your eyes widened and you blushed.


“Oh wow Derek that was just bad.” Isaac mumbled as he rubbed the back of his head. “Besides, (Y/N0 should be tied up so I can roam freely.”


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Presidents Day Thoughts

Dear Conservatives,

Obama is no longer the president. While he was president,

- Nobody came for your guns

- No Christians were rounded up and put in FEMA camps.

- Sharia law was not imposed anywhere in the US.

- Martial law was not imposed anywhere in the US.

- Nobody came for your guns.

- Your light bulbs are still legal.

- No woman was forced to have an abortion.

- No one was forced to marry a person of the same sex.

- No pastor went to jail for refusing to marry a same-sex couple.

- Bestiality was not legalized.

- There are still no death panels.

- And nobody came for your guns.

Can you just please admit that you were wrong?

Underrated 4E-Original D&D Monsters!

While Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition had many flaws when it came to integrating narrative and gameplay; on some pretty fundamental levels; one advantage of the system was that the simplified monster-creation allowed for a dickton of really interesting brand-new monsters to appear in a small space.

Sadly, due to both a lack of art for many of them and a fundamentally fluff-lite narrative approach for most of its run, almost nobody remembers them.

And that’s what we’re here to talk about today, with the name, a brief description, and the book they come from! So, in no particular order:

Banderhobbs- A horrible vore-frog that lives in the plane of Shadows. They take people away to work in their horrible shadow-mines until they turn into more Banderhobbs! [Monster Manual 3, tho they did come back in 5e’s Volo’s Guide]

Dreambreath Dracoliches- Dragon liches who root their immortality in the plane of Dreams and generally look like something that should be painted on the side of a van [Draconomicon: Chromatics]

Star Spawn- Horrible eldritch monster-avatars of the Stars, summoned by a giant planet that got fucked up by spending too long in the Cthulhu-dimension passing in front of them. They have stats so you can fight the giant planet. [Monster Manuals 2 & 3]

Filth Hags- A type of hag who always comes accompanied by a son she made out of poop. Yes I know they just give it as nonspecific “filth,” but we all know it’s poop [The Book of Vile Darkness. Yes there was a 4e version.]

Accipitridae- A centipede-thing made of grave-dirt and bone, part of a series of undead monsters created from grave-detritus known as Dethritus. There is also the Offalian who is a snake-thing made out of guts. [Open Grave]

Voracia- A giant starfish that eats fairies. Made as one of the edition’s Abominations; giant living weapons designed to fight in the war between the Gods and the jotun-like elemental Primordials. [The Plane Above]

Astral Renders- Another abomination, this giant silver/gold blob monster that doesn’t just eat flesh, but also the barriers between dimensions. To teleport.  [The Plane Above]

Bonewretch Skeletons- Literal dead-baby skeletons [Open Grave]

Orium Dragons- Metallic dragons obsessed with ancient civilizations, their history and lore, and with an obsession with bringing said ancient civilizations back. They breathe acid which turns into snake-vapor monsters. Which then stay around to keep attacking you. [Draconomicon: Metallic Dragons]

Apocalypse Spells- The remnants of apocalyptically deadly/powerful spells that have gained sentience, like shards of the chains of a trapped god or colorless fire from a massive war-ending spell [Monster Manual 3]

Larval Snipers/Larval Assassins/Larval Warmasters- Variants on the basic worm-that-walks monster including snipers made of wasps, assassins made of centipedes, and warlords made of beetles [Open Grave]

Chillfire Destroyers- 4e had this thing where they condensed the Elemental Planes into one big Elemental Chaos, and one of the byproducts of that was that all the elementals (at least at first) were combinations of elements. The Chillfire Destroyer; which is literally an elemental made of ice with fire inside; was one of the cooler; more iconic (In my eyes at least) manifestations of the idea. [Monster Manual 2]

Dragonscale Sloughs- Piles of dead skin and shed scales from dragons that’ve come to undead life. The dragon doesn’t even have to be dead for it to happen, as it mentions they tend to form naturally in the lairs of elder dragons [Open Grave]

Consumptive Swarm- A “demon” that’s actually a swarm of Slaad/chaos-frog larvae mutated into demons by the energy from shard of evil that formed The Abyss (Basically Chaotic Evil Hell). There’s also versions for Efreet and Djinn and a weird thing called a Writhing Crag supposedly made from Ropers and Xorn with a great design and the ability to embed you in stone. [The Plane Below]

Unrisen- People who came back very, very wrong after a Raise Dead spell. You know Pet Sematery? It’s basically Pet Sematery. [Open Grave]

Swarmtongue Worms- While the old gold-coin-mimicking Hoard Scarab came back, they also added another parasite for draconic hordes, grotesque stomachlike wormy-tongued parasites the size of a dwarf. They come in multi-headed versions called Swarmtongue Hydras and are implied to be either relatives of Carrion Crawlers or the result of what happens when the parasites feeding on a dead dragon’s body get bathed in energy from the Cthulhu dimension [Draconomicon: Chromatic]

Dragonclaw Swarms- An “advanced” version of the Crawling Claw enemy that is literally hundreds of severed dragon feet coming to attack you. D&D is silly sometimes [Open Grave]

Quom- Bald-headed two-faced people who were pretty chill until their goddess got exploded by the God/Primordial war. Now they’re searching for all the shards of their Goddess, which is a problem given how many of those have wormed their way into magic weapons or sometimes even people. [The PlaneAbove]

Flesh Cults- One of the coolest new ideas that got only one entry, they’re basically a cult not dedicated to immortality like most undead cults but rather to ˆephemerality, being in the here and the now and that everything ends eventually, with their rituals giving themselves regeneration that makes too much flesh, with it being described as a “perpetual cascade of flesh and organs,” which they then use as weapons and reanimate as temporary quickly-decaying undead servants. Because waste not want not I suppose [Open Grave]

Oubliviae- A new demon lord who looks bland at first, basically a pretty lady with an HR Geiger-armor-body, but her backstory is fascinating. Basically she is the lord of the end of all civilizations; with her layer made from a platonic “perfect” city that she ruined to turn into a reflection of the ruins of every civilization there ever was or will be; and she’s implied to come directly from the Shard of Evil at the heart of the Abyss rather than just being mutated Primordials/other creatures like the rest of the Demon Lords [Demonomicon]

Solkara- One of the few Primordials statted up that isn’t an Elder Elemental Evil with a new coat of paint, she’s suitably honked-up looking; given she’s a humanoid eel-monster with amongst other things three arms attached to two torsos connected at the shoulder and hips, which have two necks that connect to a singular four-eyestalked head. She’s stuck in an iceberg and really, really wants out. [The Plane Below]

This probably isn’t near all of them, so if I missed some, please tell me!

Man I ‘d love to see @bogleech do an article on some of these…

Writing is Hard, part 6: SEX

Summary: Dean and the reader have sex. Finally. FINALLY.

Read Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Warning: Smut

Word Count: 4250ish

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. And the quotes are from my own Faking It series, in case anyone was curious. Hope you enjoy! (Sorry, tag list is closed!) XOXO


“You knew he didn’t quite understand why you found it so hot, but Dean had never seen himself leaning over the engine in a tight, sweaty t-shirt, hands and forearms covered in grease as he worked.”

Dean’s outside working on the Impala, and you’re reading fics about just that. Apparently, Dean working on the Impala is the hottest thing to ever grace the fandom (aside from his lips…and his green eyes…and his cocky swagger that is really just hiding adorable and unnecessary insecurity…and Jesus, these people are thorough), and you’re curious. In your actual experience with Dean, working on the Impala is just a nuisance. You have to wait longer to get on the road, Dean takes forever to scrub himself clean afterward, and for the next few hours, everything smells like metal and oil covered up by motel soap. Why do people find that so hot?

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Tom Holland | Marry Me?

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Request: hi love! could you possibly do an imagine about tom proposing to you, but like can you try and make it different from the usual proposal? thank you! (send in requests)

Summary: Tom struggles to find the perfect moment to pop the question. 

Warnings: Deadass the most fluff I’ve ever written in my life

Word Count: 1.4K


Tom had been planning out your proposal for much longer than he’d care to admit to anyone, except maybe his mum; in fact, she was the first person to know about his future plans. It was right after the two of you had visited his parents home and Tom saw how well you had managed to fit into his family.  

He watched you laughing heartily with his brothers and talking avidly with his mother and he couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face as he leant against the kitchen doorway. Only one thought was running through his mind as he stared at you; I am a goner and when you glanced at him, a smile completely lighting up your face, he couldn’t help but fall in love with you all over again.

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