You were the only one
who ever made me feel like
I was flying and drowning
at the same time.
—  k.t. (June 19, 2015, 2:20p.m.)
You once made me fall asleep with a smile on my face. You now make me fall asleep with a tear stained pillow and a broken heart.
You left me on the floor, crying, gasping for air.
I couldn’t even breathe without you.
I can’t breathe without you.
You took my heart and crushed my lungs and you made your home in my brain for eternity.
You’re always in my head now but never in my arms.
Now my eyes search for you in a crowded room even when I know you wouldn’t possibly be there.
My heart aches for you to come back, to start a conversation, to love me again.
I want to breathe in your cologne and run my fingers through your hair and brush my fingertips against the palm of your hand and hear your laugh and see your smile and put my lips against yours.
At least one more time.
But you’re gone and I can relate to sad love songs more than I ever have before and I look for you in sad poetry and my hands ache from writing so much about you.
I’m sitting here wondering what I could have done differently, because I still love you, but you’re out doing whatever you do and not even caring or worrying or thinking about me.
And breaking up really hurts, but it hurts even more to know that you don’t even have one crack in your heart while mine is shattered. I gave you all the pieces of my heart, you glued it back together, and it finally felt whole again when I was with you. But you broke it as soon as it was fixed.
And I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to love anyone else when you have taken my heart and given pieces of it away to your friends and strangers and anyone you could find, and you’ve buried some of it in the ground and thrown it away because you don’t want it. But you don’t want me to have it either.
—  k.t. (June 17, 2015, 5:07p.m.)
I hate you for giving up on me. I hate you for giving up on us. I hate you for hurting me. I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for leaving me. I hate you for not being there when I needed you the most. I hate you for what you’ve done. I hate you for ruining everything we had. I hate you for making me trust you when you were just going to break that trust. I hate you for making me love you so much. Mostly, I hate you for making me a fool because I still love you despite everything you have put me through.