you broke her heart

Naturally

She
is like a force
of nature,
a natural force,

one could say.

Her body
is calm like the eye of a storm,
but in her once calm eyes I see whirlwinds storming
and tears
trying

to get away.

She doesn’t
want to be devastating.
It devastates her

that everywhere she goes
everything gets torn apart.

And she knows
it’s because of her.

She told me to let her go,
before she would break my heart.

But I already know
I can’t blame her.

-//vp

People shocked by reports out of Carrie Fisher’s autopsy are shocked for the wrong reason. Carrie had always been open about her lifelong (meaning, continuous, not over) struggles with addiction and mental illness and where the two sometimes meet. She was never coy or secretive about this.

Did these drugs play a minor role in her death? Sure. People who do not do drugs tend to live longer than those who do. That’s a given. However Carrie did not O.D. The drugs in her system, could have been days old, she could’ve been sober on that flight. You don’t know but we do know her cause of death was not attributed to drugs.

What should be catching more attention is that Sleep Apnea played the biggest role in her death. A condition many people downplay, resigning it to “lol snoring.” Sleep disorders are serious. Carrie Fisher’s made her stop breathing and she died. Carrie Fisher’s gradually broke down her heart. 

If you frequently have excessive daytime sleepiness despite a full night of sleep, snore, or commonly wake up gasping in the middle of the night or feeling out of breath: see a physician and get a referral for a Sleep Study. It just might save your life – or at least prolong it. Take care of yourselves.

You are tearing me inside out and I can’t stop it because I let you in the first place

And someone asked about you.

I told them I loved you.
But I didn’t tell them that you still had me even if I don’t have you.

Goodness, did I love you.

—  No One Told Me Remembering Is Worse Than Forgetting
Masterlist

Click here for a computer version with summaries to the stories.

This should work on your phones too. Sorry it’s not been working properly. 
* = popular (200+ notes)

From oldest to newest. 

Late Night Call*

Close to You (Smut)*

Trying Something New (Smut)

In This Moment - One, Two

Dance For Me

Uncovered 

Sex Bomb (Smut)*

Better Together (Smut) - One, Two

Come Home to Me

Turning Me On (Teasing)*

This Isn’t You (contains a fight)*

Playing Nurse (Smut)*

Try My Best (My own fave)*

Hickeys (Smut)*

Treat You Better

Losing My Mind 

Always Be The Same (Smut)*

Craving You (Smut)*

Falling To Pieces*

Bad Reputation*

One Hundred Miles Away (Daddy Shawn)*

Panic Attacks 

Running Low (Smut)*

Promises (Smut)*

Moans (Teasing)*

Don’t Be A Fool (Smut)

This Isn’t Love*

So Much More (Smut)*

Turning Me On (follow up + smut)

Car Sex (Smut)*

Priorities (Smut + jeep sex)*

Kids in Love (Valentine’s special)*

Tease (Smut)*

It’s Not Jealousy (can be a trigger)*

Burns*

Anchor (sexual + trigger warning)*

Save A Life*

Keep It Down (Smut)*

One Last Time (Smut)*

Headspace*

Sunday Mornings (Smut)*

L’Uomo Vouge (Smut)*

Holding You Back (Smut)*

Hold On (trigger warning)*

Good Girl (Smut)*

Broken Dreams*

Secrets*

Monsters (daddy Shawn)*

Understand*

Too Much*

Your Body Is My Wonderland (Smut)*

Realization*

Vive el Momento (Smut)*

Just Right*

Quickly (Smut)*

The Only Exception*

Bad Temper*

Issues (Smut)*

Hang on To That Feeling*

Views (Smut)*

All My Love*

Little Things*

Act Like You Love Me:

Part One*
Part Two* 
Part Three*

Bring It Back:

Part One*
Part Two (smut)*

First:

Part One*
Part Two (Smut)*

Line blurbs:

Waking up to Shawn’s boner (smut)*

Do You Miss Her?*

I’m Sorry He Broke Your Heart 

What The Hell Are You So Scared Of?

Today Was The Happiest Day In His Life

Do You Ever Think About Marrying Me?*

You Want To Have Kids With Me?*

Not As Much As She Likes Her

We Don’t Make Each Other Happy Anymore

I Promise You, Nothing Had Ever Happened At That Point 

Baby Please Wake Up, You Promised You Wouldn’t Do This Again*

Dating Shawn would include list*

Dating Shawn would include list pt. 2*

Bullet-points:

Shawn dating a short girl*
Shawn dating a tall girl
Shower sex
Bedtime (not sexual)*
Hungover
Shawn coming home from tour*

You once made me fall asleep with a smile on my face. You now make me fall asleep with a tear stained pillow and a broken heart.
If we don’t end up together and we belong to other people please tell your kids about me. Tell your daughter to be fearless but also build walls around her so guys won’t break her heart like you broke mine. Tell your son to be tender and consistent in every decision, to listen to what his heart says and not what everybody else tells him to, like you did. Tell them that for every person there’s another person who would go through everything just to be with them, like I did for you. Teach them that giving up on the person who sees the world in their eyes just because times are hard will make them drown in regret, like you probably are right now. Most importantly teach them to be fighters and not quitters on that certain person who goes to hell and back, like I did.

After today’s ep, I just think Twelve needs some handholding….

Originally posted by we-re-doomed

Originally posted by brynabasil

Originally posted by themagicofvenice

Originally posted by weareheadoverfeels

and cheek-palm consoling…

Originally posted by whouffalditrash

Originally posted by marvella15

and definitely some hugs.

Originally posted by alexthehellartist

Originally posted by doctorwhogeneration

Originally posted by brynabasil

Originally posted by brynabasil

I
The day you first smiled at me,
you were eleven and I was twelve
and she didn’t hit me back home.
Little fairy, you have always fulfilled
my deepest wishes.

II
When you called me your friend,
you were dressed in purple
and my stomach didn’t hurt as we danced.
I wondered if I should have kissed you then,
but you were happy with him
and that was enough.


III
I dried your tears because I cared.
Believe me,
I tried to protect you from him after
I noticed I didn’t liked seeing you hurt.
If I could, I’d go back and tell you the truth
since the begining,
I’d do it in a heartbeat.


IV
My jacket suits you better than his arms,
and your lips will always be my favorite flavour.
It hurt me, too.
But I will never touch you unless you want me too,
I will always be whatever you need me to.
As long as you are okay, I’ll be that.


V
I did saw you.
You looked so beautiful when I made that joke,
and your touch stayed with me for months,
just like your birthday kiss
and the sensation of your palm touching mine.


VI
I also know I looked bad,
know that I felt bad  and couldn’t care less.
But when the summer came,
and you were here,
I cared.
That was me, being better for me,
because of you
for the first time.


VII
Kissing you that day was a stellar moment in my life,
following you around and beyond a first.
It felt like the last, too.
And the only one. 
For me, it still feels that way.


VIII
I would call you mine everyday,
I would call you my sun,
my stars and my moon,
everything and anything, you.
You have no idea how many times I did it when you weren’t there,
just to make it clear to them,
I wasn’t letting you go anywhere anytime soon.


IX
There’s times when I laugh
remembering my fear and reaction to your words.
Sometimes I forget we were both kids
and that you have never shied away from love.
But you loved me,
not him or someone else,
me.
Suddenly,
everyting else didn’t matter.


X
Having you in my arms
will always be my favorite position to sleep.
Your heart beating against my touch,
your breathing matching mine,
your dreams becoming ours.
Best moment of my day.


XI
What I did still matters to me,
everything felt like changing after
and you never looked at me the same way.
I mean it, and I still do:
I love you,
I do,
I will always love you,
and I will always be sorry about that.


XII
I’m sorry.
       I’m sorry.
              I’m sorry.
                      I’m sorry.
                             I’m sorry.
                                    I’m sorry.
                                           I’m sorry.


XIII
You are never coming back,
don’t you?
I love you still,
I will succumb to the infinity of it.


XIV
I’m sorry.

—  love story. // jackie on my mind. nc.