you both need to go to bed too

8

She’s your responsibility now.

Au Naturel - CALUM HOOD FLUFF

just a small fluffy thing because i have been in this position before and i wish i had a calum to help me out of it

masterlist

You woke with a start, Calum’s cold hand rubbing over your thigh to alert you that you were finally home.

“Tired by any chance?” He smiled sympathetically; he knew travelling was stressful for you.

“Mmm.” You grumbled, making an attempt to roll over in the car seat and go back to sleep.

“Come on,” He chirped, getting out the car and opening your door for you, offering his hand but then realising that he might need to be more persuasive, “Babe an actual bed is inside.”

You opened one eye at this, and was greeted with his tired grin, slightly bloodshot eyes and dishevelled hair; he was probably exhausted too.

“Okay.” You groaned as you dragged your body upwards, leaning on Calum’s shoulder as you both made your way into your house.

“You need to get to bed.” Calum directed you towards the bedroom.

“You’re not coming?” You whined, giving him puppy eyes in protest.

“I need to do some work babe, I’ll be up in half an hour.”

You reluctantly accepted this and slowly made your way upstairs, throwing yourself onto the large bed awaiting you. You sighed in contentment and snuggled more into the duvet, the thought that you would have to change into pyjamas interrupting your short moment of bliss.

“Nooo…” You moaned softly to yourself as you slid off the bed and stumbled into the en suite.

You haphazardly brushed your teeth and took of your makeup, not really caring that you would still probably be left with panda eyes in the morning. You stripped yourself of your jeans, jumper and bra, leaving yourself in underwear and an oversized t-shirt.

Finally you fell into bed, wiggling under the cover and fully relaxing for the first time that week.

After about 5 minutes all curled up you began to feel hot. Very hot.

Simply throwing the duvet off wasn’t an option, as it always made you fear that some paranormal entity would grab your legs and drag you to the deep dark depths of Hell. Although an unreasonable worry, it still scared you senseless.

You resorted to just pulling off your shirt and going au naturel. As you tried to do this you realised how sluggish you really were. You only managed to pull the shirt off your chest and ended up with the neckline stretched over your head uncomfortably. Your hands were left flailing aimlessly as your aching limbs refused to move and fix the situation.

You struggled for a minute before collapsing in an awkward heap, your arms stuck in the air and your breasts on shameless display.

“Cal!” You called, hoping he’d hear you and not have his headphones on.

“Yeah?” He answered, causing a temporary wave of relief to wash over you.

“Can you come up here? I need you!” You squirmed, the material of your shirt rubbing against your skin somewhat painfully.

“You need me?” Calum’s voice was teasing, but you heard him trotting up the stairs anyway.

“Don’t laugh!” You shouted as his footsteps approached the bedroom door.

“I won’t-” Calum opened the door and saw you, and let out a snort with how strange you looked, “What the ever-loving fuck are you doing?” He made his way to the bed, taking his time deliberately.

“I was too tired to move,” You pouted, “Help me!”

Calum shook his head and let out a small giggle as he pulled the shirt off your head in one smooth motion.

“Aahh, thank you!”

“You are so weird.” Calum laughed and then proceeded to lay on top of you, his chin resting in the crook of your neck.

“Shut up,” You giggled softly, feeling his warm breath on your skin and smiling when he left small kisses on your jawline, “You coming to bed now?” You asked hopefully.

“Well I’m already here so…” He mumbled into your hair.

“Yay! Now get off, you’re squishing me.”

You heaved dramatically when he rolled beside you, seeing him kicking off his jeans and smoothly pulling his shirt over his head.

“You’re cute.” He said as you snuggled into his side, closing your eyes and listening to the calming beat of his heart.

“So are you.” You whispered without a second thought, so used to Calum’s random compliments.

“O.M.G. Y/N you think I’m cute, will you date me?” He mocked, you had been dating for years but every so often he would ask you out again as a joke.

You knew he wouldn’t stop until you accepted. “Yes Calum.”

“Hell yeah! High five!”

You raised your arm and let him slap it before placing it on his stomach. “Now go to sleep, you are way too enthusiastic for 2am.”

“Okay, okay.” He settled down, rhythmically stroking your hair until you both fell asleep.

2

taylorswift do you like what i did with my tags/card?!! i’m not that crafty, but i tried. i wanted to thank you again for giving me a package and for truly caring about me. i’ve never seen someone who i’ve never met care this much about me. every night before i go to bed, i read the card and tags and then snuggle up in my wildfox pj’s with my blanket (BOTH OF THEM ARE MAGICAL. I SWEAR). you make me smile daily and you’re always there for me when i need you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. honestly i’m so glad i can call you one of my best friends and i can’t wait to meet you one day (hopefully)!!! we can hug and talk about how amazing tumblr is. i have so awesome jokes i wanna share with you too, okay?! okay.
see you june 13th?!?!
love you,
matilda (GET IT. BECAUSE YOU WANT TO ADOPT ME. AND YOU’RE THE MISS HONEY TO MY MATILDA………) (i need to find some chill)

jun as your neighbor
  • jun is the typical struggling art student who doesn’t get enough sleep and drinks way too many espressos
  •  your balconies are next to each other and most mornings he’s perched on a stool painting the sun rise with messy bed head and glasses
  •  he honestly looks like a work of art from Ancient Greece or something it’s ridiculous
  •  you both go to the same uni so of course he walks with you and takes you to get coffee
  •  having to wipe off paint from his face every morning because he’s messy and needs to be taken care of and him being a flirt while doing so
  •  “have you gotten prettier overnight?”, “can’t keep your hands off of me, huh?”, “am i really that irresistible?”, etc
  • hearing him and his roommate minghao argue in rapid Chinese at three in the morning - turns out it was over who gets the last hot pocket (minghao won)
  •  walking in on him working on a very detailed oil painting of the caveman spongebob meme for his class p.s he got an A
  •  “y/n i need help i sucked up one of my paint brushes in the vacuum cleaner and now it’s making demonic noises i think i angered the cleaning gods what if it kills me in my sleep-” “junhui please calm down”
  •  Okay consider this; you buy a potted flower together and put it on the railing between your flats and take care of it together like you’re lowkey caring for a kid or something it’s adorable
  •  Saturday night is your guys’ movie night and you lounge on his couch munching on snacks that he kept hidden from minghao and his other friends
  •  him squaring up to the rest of seventeen whenever one of them attempts to flirt with you like chill out don’t throw the xbox controller at seungcheol (secretly you think its sweet)
  •  exam time means midnight runs to the corner store for instant ramen and coffee, borrowing his old sweaters that have paint stains on them bc your lecture room is cold, etc.
  • attending the end of the year art festival he participated in and him being all shy and fidgety when he shows you his final art piece which just so happened to be a painting of you watching the sun rise 
  • him awkwardly confessing to you right then and there (he would call you his muse i gotta blast)
  • everyone on campus supports you guys bc you’re just too cute together and jun looks the happiest he’s ever been
Johnlock Fic Recs of the Week

Here’s this week’s recs (18/4), a lot of shorter ones this week since it’s exam time.

Achieving the Together-Coloured Instant (20k - explicit)

John wonders if this is how it’s going to be: A life speaking in code, because they’re both too stupid to figure out how to say, “I love you.”

Co-Sleeping Seduction (2.6k - teen)

Sherlock wants to have sex with John. Logically all he needs to do is to get them into a bed together and the rest will follow naturally. No talking needed.

A One Bed Problem (2k - explicit)

John and Sherlock have to share a bed. It’s slightly weird when Sherlock starts spooning John, but John can put up with that. But when Sherlock starts humping John and moaning his name, John thinks now will properly be a good time to wake him.

Evidence (7.6k - general)

Sherlock steals evidence. Lestrade threatens to cut him off murder cases unless he gives it back. Faced with a severe blow to The Work, Sherlock grits his teeth and offers a compromise: he’ll tell Lestrade why he stole each and ever piece of evidence, and Lestrade can then decide if he gets to keep it.

The Mind-Body Problem (1.5k - mature)

Sherlock solves one of the oldest problems in philosophy by dint of a little self-pleasuring. He’s clever that way.

Bring Me a Dream (6k - teen)

After the fall, Sherlock, through some unknown magic, becomes a sandman. He crafts dreams for John and tries to find his way back home.

Phantom Vibrations (2.3k - teen)

John knows exactly how Sherlock functions. Sherlock constantly needs to know where John is.

Signs of Attachment (5.5k - explicit) 

All the reasons Sherlock’s a crap flatmate (but clearly articulates his intentions).

Folder Name: John H. Watson (2.8k - not rated)

Sherlock is constantly surprised by John. Constantly.

Equilibrium (12k - mature)

At Baskerville, John is infected by a virus that turns him into a genius. But when the infection progresses into neurodegeneration, it’s a race against time to save himself. 

subtleties that we are not aware of (1.6k - teen)

The first time Sherlock kisses John; the first (and second) time(s) John kisses Sherlock.

A Strange Fear (2.3k - explicit)

Sherlock speaks without thinking, and it really hits home for John.

One New Message (25k - mature)

It’s amazing what texting can enable a person to divulge.

How Do You Know? (8.6k - explicit)

John asks Sherlock how he knows he doesn’t like sex if he’s never tried it.

Okay, guys. So my lights are off and I’m in bed mobile blogging and my leg is hanging off my bed. I did not hear my dog walk in and HIS NOSE JUST RUBBED AGAINST MY FOOT AND I AM NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY I JUMP SO BAD THAT I KICKED HIM IN THE FACE. It is 3:30 in the morning. HE COULD HAVE BEEN A MONSTER UNDER MY BED OR SOMETHING. I’m going to sleep. This is what happens when I stay up past my bed time.

I’ve reached a new level of missing you.
I just can’t take my clothes off
when you’re not spending the night.
My jacket smells of cigarettes and Chanel
left from when you hugged me goodbye.
There’s a warmth in my jeans
that’s reminiscent of the way
you rubbed your hand against my lap and knees
when we exchanged mischievous whispers
at the diner bar seats.
My shirt is still wet from
running around town in the rain,
and I’m not sure if the sweat stains
are mine or yours or both,
but I don’t care. It’s going to be
too long before I get to see you again,
so I’m sleeping in my bed
with all these memories sewn into the fabrics
filling in for you, but they’re always
never enough.
—  I need you to take them off for me (by Jai R.)
Harry Styles: Wedding Series

Wedding Series (UK Tour Extra) #9 - Walking Around Together

(Word Count - 3, 437)

Being 2 weeks into the month tour had taken a toll upon you both, with Harry being needed much more than he thought. The only times you’d get to see him would be when you were going to bed, but your nightly conversations weren’t for very long, with his whole body being tired from the days activities. He’d tire himself out when rehearsing, and when it came to the actual show, he’d be too exhausted at times to jump around and be his usual self. It wasn’t just him getting tired either; you were starting to get exhausted with being put second with his choices. He had told you before the whole tour has kicked off that he’d take a few breaks in between rehearsals so he could spend time with you. Whether they be for catch up make up sessions, or chatting about the wedding, or even just cuddling… Yet, so far, none of that had happened.

You couldn’t blame Harry though. It wasn’t his fault. You knew what was going to happen, and you knew you were going to have to share your time with him when you joined him with his work. You loved to watch him dance around and sing with so much passion, and you loved when he gave you cheeky shout-outs or he played on with an ongoing inside joke the both of you had. You couldn’t complain with the life you had with him, because anybody would do anything to be in your position. You felt lucky to be with him, even when you were bickering and arguing. He would always tell you how he felt on top of the world because he had you, and because he had the best job in the world, and because he had the best friends in the world. And you couldn’t complain with anything. Because he was loving it.

With a massive but on the side, weighing down the good side, you felt when tour started back up that you were losing him to his job. With the 2 month break they had just had, you felt he was with you and only you. You loved when they had such long breaks, because as selfish as it sounded, you got Harry to yourself. You got him in bed, cuddled beside you in his naked form, with chuckles and softly spoken words leaving his pink and fleshy lips. With tour happening, you got none of that. He didn’t sleep naked beside you, no chuckles left his lips when he was curled up with you, and no softly spoken works were said; a tired Harry was sometimes never your favourite Harry. Your favourite sleepy Harry was when he slurred his words with sleep, because he’d been awake for the majority of the day. He’d tell you the first thing that came to his mind, or he’d tell you a knock knock joke that the both of you had heard a million times before, but gave off belly laughs due to your tired state.

None of that happened on tour.

He’d come back to the hotel that night after the show in Cardiff, the 10th show in 2 weeks, with a saddened look on his face. He kicked off his boots in the doorway of the suite before he bent down to pick them up, hanging them off his fingers as he shuffled further into the room. You’d stayed back at the room, with a good book and some TV programmes on the suite’s television to take your mind off of the previous argument the both of you had had that morning…

* *

He’d promised to take you out for breakfast under the warmth of the duvet on the king sized bed, yet as soon as he got the call and was told he had to go to the arena for a rehearsal and a quick sound check, he was up and getting dressed right away. His fingers tugged at the t-shirt he was sliding over his head, his hair greasy and hanging limply down the sides of his face. He rummaged around his suitcase for a clean pair of boxers, shimmying the ones he had one down his legs and letting them pool to his ankles. A sigh left your lips as he stepped out of the material and slid the cleaner yet tighter white briefs up his legs.

“I’m sorry, babe… I’ll be sure to come back here as quick as possible. Breakfast doesn’t finish here until 11. We got 3 hours. I’ll come back and we’ll head down for a late breakfast” He smiled, as he grabbed his loose basketball shorts and slid them silky material up his legs and let them rest lowly on his hips. “I don’t think this will take as long. It’s just to get the different pyrotechnics and stuff. This arena is a little different to the ones we’ve been too…” He chuckled, falling to the bed with a pair of trainer socks in his hands.

“Yeah…” You uttered under your breath, rolling onto your side with your back facing him. “Don’t worry about breakfast, Harry. We’ll just meet for lunch like usual. Unless you’re too busy for that as well…” You hissed softly, closing your eyes and hugging the duvet closer to your body. The early 8am sun was shining through the curtain, the rays hitting your face with a flurry of warmth.

“What’s the meant to mean, love? I’ll be free for both breakfast and lunch. We can go for brunch if that’s what you’d prefer…” Harry stated, as he fell back against the bed and let his feet cross over.

“Nothing, Harry. Just… Go to your sound check. I’ll probably be down the road at the spa with Sophia. Liam booked her an appointment, and she’s taking me along as a plus one. So, you have all day to do what you usually do” You mutter, feeling a hand resting on your duvet covered calf muscle. “I’m used to it now, anyway” You whisper to yourself, Harry’s eyes furrowing in confusion. He knew he’d blown off breakfast for past few mornings, but he always made up for it. He’d make sure he’d give you extra loving when he was on stage by apologising and singing you one of your favourite songs.

“Look, I’m sorry I have to blow of breakfast again, but I-“

“Again, Harry. This is the fourth time now. I’m getting sick of it! I came on tour with you, because you told me we’d have time to do our usual morning routine. Getting showered together, getting dressed together and getting breakfast together. We do none of that now, and it’s not fair. I barely see you anymore. It’s like you feel I’m not here with you…” You stated, voice loud and your body turning to face him. He stood from the bed, his hands tugging at his hair as he pulled it back into a ponytail, twirling it around into a bun. “Just go and do your thing, Harry. I have Sophia I can spend time with…”

He didn’t want to yell. He hated getting angry at you. But he told you what you were going to experience at some point on the tour, and he couldn’t believe how selfish you were being. You got to spend time with him before going on stage, and you got to spend time with him when you were cuddling in the hotel room. He didn’t understand where this was coming from.

“You’re so selfish, you know that!? I can’t help blowing off breakfast with you. This is my job, (Y/N)! You should know by now that I have to share my time with my job and with you. Stop being so fuckin’ selfish and give me a break every once in a while. This is important to me!” He hissed, his eyes casting anywhere but your own. You felt your heart tighten and your chest ached as he grabbed his boots, along with his wallet and his room card, making his way to the suite door. “I won’t come back then, since you’re going out with Sophia. I’ll stay with the band and the backing band at the arena, if that’s what you want. Fine by me. I’ll see you later then.”

And with that he was out the door.

* *

‘I’m going to stay at the hotel tonight. I’ll see you when you come back.’

He knew you were pissed off. Usually you’d end texts to him with a ‘xx’ or a cheeky winky face if you were feeling in the mood. At the moment, right before they went on stage, he wanted to go back to the hotel room, and spend his whole evening with you. He wanted to make up for what he said that morning, by showing you with love how sorry he was. He wanted to be with you, whether it be there at the Cardiff Arena or whether it be back at the room with your clothes strewn across the room, your body’s fumbling and bumbling against one another as your actions became boisterous and rough.

His face dropped when he re-read the message. You really weren’t coming because of the feud you’d had that morning and in his boots right now, with his microphone in his hand as the engineers checking his in-ears were snuggly fitting, he felt regret. If only he didn’t erupt like he did, and agreed to stay home for one morning just to have breakfast with his fiancée then you would be here with him, hugging and kissing him one last time before he went off of on stage with a massive smile on his face. His lips still tingling from the feeling of yours against his.

But that night? His face wasn’t how it usually looked. His lips were pursed in a tight line, and his eyebrows were furrowed and a dip was forming at the top of his nose. His chest was full of want. He wanted you there, even if you were angry at him. He wanted you with him so he could apologise sweetly and pull you up on stage and give you some sweet hugging and kissing in front of his fans. His head was ducked down to his chest, his face illuminated from his phone as he tapped the send button and locked his phone, sliding it into his pocket.

‘Stay up for me. Okay? The lads are going out, but I’ll come home straight away. I’m sorry about this morning. I love you. H. xxx’

* *

He bent down by his suitcase, and pulled out his green Packers hoodie***. You could only presume he was going out to the shop, with Preston waiting in the reception for him. He was dressed in his sheer yellow button down with his black jeans***, his boots waiting for him to come back and tug on. Your assumption was proved wrong when he pulled your book from your hand and dropped it to the bed, his hand protruding out with the jumper in his grip. Your head tilted up to look at him, as his eyebrows were raised. His face simply telling you to ‘take the jumper and follow him’, his eyes wide and a soft smile played on the corner of his lips.

“Harry… What are you doing?” You whispered, as he sighed and dropped the jumper to the floor by his socked feet, his hands gripping your own and pulling you up from your duvet cocoon. His lips tugged into a smile as you fell to his chest, the smell of sweat and his cologne filling your nose. “Harry…” You muttered his palms flat against your back.

“Put the jumper on, and meet me in the reception. We’re going for a walk, love. And I want to apologise for this morning. I figured we could stop off at a coffee shop, or get some ice-cream in that 24 hour diner thing we saw… I saw your face light up when we saw it” He chuckled, his chest rumbling as he hugged you tightly to his body. “Now dress warm. Do you want a pair of my socks? I know you like the fuzzy ones. I packed some in the front pocket, just for you…” He smiled, kissing your cheek as he looked down at you. His eyes lighting up as you cupped his cheeks in your palms, your thumbs rubbing against the apples of his cheeks. He could feel the cool metal of your engagement ring against his jawline.

“Did you pack your green beanie?” You wondered, his head nodding as you tugged his ears lightly. “Put it on for me, yeah? Your ears get cold and I don’t want you coming down with a cold…” You grin, as he ducked his head down and kissed your lips softly. “I’m sorry about this morning” You whispered, his breath warm and minty against the lower half of your face.

“No… I’m sorry, my love. I didn’t mean to call you selfish. You aren’t selfish. You just need some Harry loving, and I wasn’t there. I am so sorry I keep ditching our breakfast dates, which is why I spoke to the tour managers and I got them to let me off for breakfast everyday” He whispered, nudging his nose against your cheek. His breaths fanning your neck, making shivers send through your spine. “I love you, my future missus Styles. I can’t wait till I can officially call you (Y/N) Styles…” He winked, as he unhooked his hands from your back and shuffled across the carpet to where his boots laid on the floor.

* *

His large palm engulfed yours in a tight hold, his fingers laced between yours as he swung your arms between your bodies. His green Packers beanie*** was tugged onto his head, holding his curls back from his face. Tufts of his hair were sticking out from beneath the roll up cuff, blowing softly in the wind as you walked down the town of Cardiff. Pubs were lit up and drunken cheers were leaving the open windows and open doors, the smell of food filled the atmosphere around the two of you as you made your way down the partly busy street. His face looked tanned under the street lights, his eyes glinting softly as he looked down at you with a smile on his lips.

“I forgot to ask, how was the conce- Why are you looking at me like that?” You giggled, tugging the hoodie over your head as the wind picked up and blew your hair every which way. Your cheeks flushed and it was something Harry loved every time he stared intently at you, his eyes full of love, lust and adoration.

He chuckled lightly and took his hand from your grip, throwing his arm over your shoulder with a soft tug to his side. “I just think you look very beautiful dressed in my clothes, babe. My trackies. They look lovely on you. Maybe you should keep them” He chuckled, as he looked down at the rolled up sweat pants on your legs. The legs of the sweats were long, and were probably rolled up about 10 times to be the right length for you. A small piece of skin was showing between the rolled up cuffs and the white converse boots tied to your feed. “Are you even wearing the socks I gave you?” He laughed, stopping in the middle of the street as you went to cross the road.

“I am, yeah. I just rolled them down so they looked like ankle socks. They looked weird when I had them pulled up…” You giggled, burying your face into his side. “Anyway… You looked beautiful yourself, mister. This yellow shirt looks beautiful, and your jeans are just my favourite” You giggled, placing an arm around his waist from behind, your fingers resting at the waistband of his jeans. “I’m getting hungry. Can we get like a burger or something? I swear I saw like a kebab shop back there…” You grinned, as Harry chuckled and nodded softly.

“Let’s do that, darlin’… Kebabs sounds pretty good right now. We can take them back to the room, and eat there if you want? Only a short walk back, babe” He chuckled, watching your face drop. “Oh, you just want to eat in? We can eat in. I don’t mind…” He grinned, as you stopped in your tracks and turned around, a wide smile on your lips.

“Oh my god… Harry Styles? And (Y/N)! Hi. Hi!” Someone cried out, your eyes casting over the road to where two young girls were stood, with One Direction t-shirts on and jumpers tied around their waists. They checked left and right, before jogging across the stage and standing before the two of you with wide smiles on their faces.

“Hello, girls. How are you this evening? Were you at the concert tonight?” Harry wondered, as he watched them fumble in their bags for pens and a piece of paper. They nodded happily as Harry gave them a soft smile. “How about we take a quick photo together, yeah? I don’t have time to sign anything and stuff, as (Y/N) here is a bit hungry. She’s a terrible person when she’s hungry…” He winked at you, as a gasp left your lips and you pushed his shoulder. The girls cooed in adoration as they watched you playfully push one another. “Come on then. A photo each” He smiled, as one of them pulled their phones out from their pocket.

“(Y/N), can I get one with you?” The other one asked, as your eyes widened and you looked down at your attire. The one night you come out dressed in lazy clothes, and someone wants a photo. “You look beautiful by the way. I can tell that’s Harry’s jumper…” She giggled, a blush making its’ way onto your cheeks. “Seriously… You’re beautiful. Harry is so lucky to have you.” That made you smile. The fans had always loved you, obviously some had other opinions, but you always loved the supportive and loving ones.

“Oh, come on then!” You smiled, as she slid the camera app up on her phone and snuggled closer to you and she snapped a quick photo of the both of you. Once a photo had been taken, they swapped and had another snapped with you and Harry. “It was lovely meeting you girls” You smiled, as they stood before you again, with smiles reaching their ears settled on their lips.

“Thank you for stopping for us. Congratulations on your engagement by the way! We’re so happy you’re getting married. You’re our favourite 1D couple. God, we’re so happy for you!” One of them cried out, as Harry looked down at you adoringly. “We hope you guys have a happy engagement and a happy married life. You deserve it so much” She added, as you cooed lightly, and wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist, giving him a soft squeeze.

“Thank you, girls. You’re awfully kind. Thank you for being at the show tonight” Harry chuckled, as he pressed a kiss to your hairline. “But, and I apologise, we need to get going for our late dinner. I’m starved. Have a safe trip home…” He smiled, as he brought them both into a last hug before parting their ways. You watched as they squealed down the road, to whom you could only presume was their mothers. “I love fans like that, ya’know? They are wonderful. So supportive” He muttered, as you slowly made your way down the pathway towards the brightly lit kebab shop.

“I’m really glad they’ve taken to our engagement well, H. I’m shocked. You are everyone’s favourite. I was surprised no death threats were given to me” You giggled, as he pushed open the kebab shop door. It was a weird sight to anyone walking the streets. Harry Styles going into a kebab shop? What was he doing? People saw the side to him where he went to expensive restaurants and clubs, but you got to see the side of him when he was dressed in his sweats and a dirty t-shirt ordering a Big Mac at McDonalds. “If you buy me a kebab and a can of Shandy, you’ll get a very seductive thank you later on when we get back…” You winked, bumping your hip against his as you waltzed through the small archway into the empty restaurant area…

… leaving a flushed and warm looking Harry.

Exo’s Reaction - Dancing On A Game

Thank you for the request! Thank you so much!! Here you go <3 I’m so sorry if this has turned out smutty! *sorry not sorry*

______________________________________________________________

Xiumin - *Keeps watching you until he couldn’t hold himself back anymore and hints to you that you need to bed into bed to be punished for being so damn hot while dancing* Bedroom, now

Lay - *You both do dance duets together and he couldn’t help getting a bit too excited and wouldn’t stop looking at you while trying to hide his friend who wants to come out to play*

Kai - *He loved the view he had and after 5 minutes, you grabs your waist from behind and dances with you making sure you knew that he is enjoying….maybe a bit too much*

Suho - *Sits there and counts himself lucky to have a girlfriend who dances as good as you. He manages to hind the fact that this made him a bit horny and is surprised that your moves where so similar to the ones on the game*

Kyungsoo - *Sits there focusing on you the whole time you were dancing and glancing at the screen now and again to see what dance it was and loves that you actually were dancing really well along with it*

Tao - *As soon as he saw that the dance includes a bit of grinding, he takes his chance and makes sure he’s behind you really closely so that you was basically grinding against him and after the song finished, he pushes you onto the sofa and kisses your neck* 

Chen - *Loves that your moves matched to the ones on the screen and keeps asking you to reply the song so he could see you dance to it multiple times because he found this really hot and of course he’d make it obvious that he was really liking this and he couldn’t control his little friend*

Kris - *Tries to keep up his cool guy act but inside he can’t. He really loves the way you moved your body the exact same way that it was meant to be on the game*

Chanyeol - *Teases you by saying that he’s better at this game than you just so he could see you dance more to prove him wrong when you are better than him anyway but he couldn’t help but get really turned on and tries not to pounce on you*

Baekhyun - *Loves the moves that you were doing but he couldn’t help himself but imitate you and comes up with random shit things to distract you but he knew when to give up and really enjoyed the view he was having anyway* 

Sehun - *This little shit pushes you out of the way and shows you how it’s done and after a couple of songs he lets you play again and noticed that you took so much in and learnt, he couldn’t help but laugh to himself of how hot you looked while dancing*

Luhan - *Finds himself so absorbed into your dancing, doesn’t realize that his little friend down below is quite visible under his shorts. Biting and licking his lips at every move you make and after he finished being absorbed, he takes you somewhere private where he shows you his own sexy moves* 

aofuta, okay, ship this with me i’m begging you

  • futakuchi always saying things like, “you don’t have to be nervous, we can go at our own pace”
  • but being too nervous himself to make any moves
  • aone being the one to make a lot of first moves (initiates their first kiss, etc)
  • futakuchi always being kind of startled and waaaay embarrassed
  • but still telling aone he doesn’t need to be shy/embarrassed
  • BOTH OF THEM JUST BEING SHY AND EMBARRASSED BY INTIMATE PHYSICAL CONTACT
  • futakuchi takes aone’s hand when they’re walking home one day and he’s blushing really hard, so he puffs out his cheeks and looks away
  • and aone just looks down bc he’s blushing, too
  • and neither of them say anything
  • and they start holding hands every day
  • and they get used to it
  • and futakuchi’s like, “remember how you used to get so embarrassed by this?”
  • and laughs
  • even tho futakuchi pls u were embarrassed too
  • futakuchi trying to comfort aone over people being afraid of him
  • “well, kids are brats, anyway, so it’s not like what they think matters”
  • “girls are judgmental, so you can’t let what they think get to you”
  • “guys are assholes and you have me, so why does it matter?”
  • aone comforting futakuchi when he gets worried about the responsibilities of being captain
  • futakuchi getting mad at the younger members, ready to yell at them
  • aone putting his arm to stop futakuchi, and saying something supportive to the members instead
  • futakuchi talking to the team when aone can’t (which is often)
  • aone stopping futakuchi when he’s about to say too much
  • these two would balance each other out so nicely
  • and they’re date tech’s new parents
  • they even have a problem child to bicker over

  • PLEASE SHIP THIS WITH ME
summaries of Maroon 5 music videos
  • This Love: Adam Levine is sexy get that through your head right now.
  • She Will Be Loved: Adam Levine is kinda creepy cuz he's like in love with your mom or something but idk he's still sexy so.
  • Makes Me Wonder: Idk Adam Levine is sexy and there's an airport??
  • Wake Up Call: Adam Levine reveals he totally has a bondage kink (and it's sexy).
  • Won't Go Home Without You: Adam Levine is walking angstily but remains very sexy.
  • Misery: Adam Levine has an abusive relationship where his girlfriend just beats the shit out of him all the time but he keeps making out with her anyway because they're both sexy and it would just be a waste not to make out.
  • Never Wanna Leave This Bed: Adam Levine and his sexy supermodel girlfriend decide they need to share their sexiness with the whole world bc they're just too sexy to be contained.
  • Payphone: Adam Levine is in a bank robbery situation but he uses his sexy to escape.
  • One More Night: Adam Levine is a sexy boxer but he's too sexy so his wife leaves him.
  • Maps: Adam Levine neglects his girlfriend at a party so she gets hit by a car.
Mornings with V

This wasnt requested but I thought of this at like 3 am getting really severe feels Hope you guys like it!
He would probably kiss you all over your face until you woke up 
{Jin version} {Suga version}

  • Neck kisses too probably 
  • He would just kiss you anywhere he could
  • Finally opening your eyes and seeing his boxy smile
  • “Good morning Jagiya
  • His raspy vOICE 
  • RASPY VOICEEEE
  • Bare face
  • Makes you cuddle with him 
  • Telling you some funny story he just remembered 
  • Playing with your hair 
  • Checking the time realizing its almost 1pm 
  • “Taehyug!”
  • “What?”
  • “We need to stop staying up so late its not healthy”
  • “But I cant sleep” 
  • He made you stay up with him until 3am
  • “Im hungry”
  • “Lets go get breakfast then”
  • “But I want to cuddle more” 
  • Having to drag him out of bed so you can both get something to eat
  • “What do you want for breakfast?”
  • “Ice cream”
  • Taehyung thats not breakfast”
  • Somehow ending up on your shared bed eating ice cream and cereal straight from the box
  • Watching anime 
  • Not really 
  • Because youre both just fooling around 
  • “Taehyung dont you dare wipe your messy face on the covers”
  • “But the napkins are too far away”
  • He comes up with a relaly weird idea of what to do that day
  • Talking you into it 
  • Looking for your outfit 
  • Realizing there are now holes cut into your shirt
  • “Well look like a cuter couple that way. Its also really stylish” 
  • Him making you wear it eventually 
  • Trying to get ready (Brushing your teeth, face, make-up etc) in the bathroom while hes hugging you from behind refusing to let go 
  • “Taehyung please let go”
  • He wouldnt 
  • He would kiss you on your neck 
  • and face
  • And everywhere he could 
  • Because that boy can never keep his hands and lips off of you 
  • SJKADJLKAJDLAKJD
  • Basically mornings with him would be fluffy and just having the feeling that everything is at ease. 

Originally posted by bangthebae

[Masterlist]

Feel free to request any reactions, or snapchats for the following groups: 24k, bigbang, bts, exo, got7, infinite, seventeen, monsta x and uniq

Whenever 2 am hits,
I still try to remind myself that I knew how to breathe
long before he showed up in my life.
Whenever the wind is blowing against my tear-stained face,
I try to remind myself that I can wear my own jacket and not his.
Whenever I turn in bed,
I try to remind myself to hold myself:
I have two arms and they were both created for myself first.

But whenever I close my bedroom door and am completely alone,
I try to remind myself of what my aunt told me,
after her husband had left her and her daughter—

Sometimes you need to learn how to be lonely
and enjoy being yourself.
Because one day a boy with glittering brown eyes
and laughter warmer than sunshine is going to come into your life.
He’s going to breathe glorious life into you,
wrap you in a jacket that smells like the memories you have of him,
and hold you while you cry in bed
because the world is too harsh for tender people like us.

And when one day when that boy leaves,
(because they all do at one point
since they love flowers in the spring but not the snow in the winter)
you’re going to have no one but yourself.

It’s going to hurt at 2 am,
especially in the winter.
Sometimes you’ll forget to grab a jacket before you go out,
and I promise, my dear—
there will be nights when you doze off to hot tears flooding your face,
but you will have to learn and remember that you are not alone—
you have yourself.

Never feel any less of a person for being by yourself,
than when you are with someone else.
Never, ever, ever do so, my dear.

Because having yourself,
learning to hold yourself,
is more important than kisses from a beautiful boy.
Loving yourself is more important than someone else loving you.
Learning to be alone is important,
keeping yourself warm is important,
and letting yourself cry and not be scared of lonliness is important.

So you can close that bedroom door,
check your phone for the hundredth time to see that he hasn’t replied,
and hold yourself tight in your two small arms.
Love being with yourself first, my dear,
before you love being with another person.

Because that’s what’s going to keep you warm when the wind is harsh.

—  We’re all going to get our heart broken at some point.
But what will be important is that we will learn to survive,
even if it takes you twenty years to understand. (C.W.)
Yes, Sir

Originally posted by lesbianlinkle

Pairing: JohnxReader
Word count: 1,143
Warnings: Smut, swearing
Author: Brittiny

Laying back on your motel bed, you sighed. John was out interviewing people, and you claimed to be not feeling well to get out of it. He didn’t need you to be there to talk to people, right? Truth was, you had to get away from him. His scent- leather, gun powder, and after shave- made you go crazy. You knew that he probably just viewed you as some little girl, better suited for one of his sons. Too bad you didn’t want them.

You wanted him.

Keep reading

Adderallbabydoll's (updated!) Guide to Opiate Withdrawals

Hey guys! I wanted to make an updated post about opiate withdrawal including my past year of experiences with this miserable shit.
Let me start with the meds that help:
(Prescription meds)
1. Benzos, some people use these for withdrawal, personally I don’t because I tend to get addicted to them too. If you are going to use a benzo, use a longer acting one such as valium or klonopin.
2.Gabapentin is a godsend for restless legs and the sweats. Its really easy to get a script for this, as its not a narcotic but can be euphoric. I am prescribed 600mg 3x/day but in withdrawal I tend to take 1000-1200mg as needed. If youre using it at night take it 2 hours before bed, it takes a while to kick in.
3.Trazodone/remeron are both nonaddictive sleep meds. Trazodone is my med of choice for sleep, start with 50mg and move up from there.
4. Anti nausea meds. These can either be rx or OTC. I take zofran which is an rx med but benadryl helps alot too.
5. If you can get your hands on a suboxone, do it. Make sure you wait 24 hours after using your last opiate and take 2mg as needed. Use it sparingly as possible and it will help get you through the first few days.

(OTC meds)
1.DXM- this is really helpful and will also potentiate the other meds too. Take 60-90mg every 6 hours.
2.Loperamide- if you have a serious habit youre going to need alot of this. Start witg 10mg (5 pills) and if that doesnt work move your way up to 20-30mg every 6 hours.
3. Kava Kava is helpful too. It is a natural supplement and start with 3-4 capsules.
4. Kratom is a supplement you order online. Be sure its legal in your state. The red vein strains are more relaxing, maeng da is more stimulating. It helps alot with pain, sweats, shakes and anxiety. Try 3-5g to start. Message me if you are looking for kratom, a friend of mine has a great site with quality kratom.

Weed also helps alot. 3-4 hits of some quality bud when you wake up, 3 hits around lunch, and a good bong or bowl pack before you go to sleep will help so much.

When mixing and matching these supplements, remember to check for interactions. Suboxone and kratom shouldnt be taken together.
Besides meds, be sure to stay hydrated, find some good funny movies or stand up comedy to watch and take it easy. Youre strong and you got this! Message me if you ever need support guys!

2

[[ Request: Imagine using Juice to make your ex jealous (could be a club member or a random) but you go too far and wind up getting drunk, and having sex. Since he just thinks you’re using him he doesn’t push the issue, but you both are actually falling for each other. ]]

“Hey.” You practically threw yourself onto Juice’s bed. “I need your help.”

Juice looked up from his computer and smiled at you. “Yeah. Sure. What’s up?”

You and Juice had known each other for years, ever since you had moved to Charming. You were pretty close, but just as friends. Or that was what you thought, anyway. You didn’t quite know it, but Juice had been harboring a crush on you from the day he met you. He had always been too nervous to say anything about it, afraid he’d ruin your friendship. But then you got a boyfriend who also happened to be the club VP, and Juice knew there was no point. He figured it was better to have you as a friend than not have you at all, and he didn’t want to cause any problems between himself and one of his brothers. So he stayed quiet.

You sighed loudly and rolled onto one side to face him. “I got dumped today.”

Juice’s eyes widened and he closed his laptop, focusing all his attention on you. “What happened?”

“Tara happened.” You rolled your eyes. “She’s back in Charming.” You stared at the floor. “Jax said he wanted to give it another go with her. So he dumped me.”

Juice nodded his head slowly as he took in all the information you were spouting his way. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” You sighed again.  

“Shit,” Juice mumbled. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You shrugged. “I just,” you made a face as you searched for the right words, “I’m not surprised, I guess.” You glanced down at your nails. “I don’t even know why I’m so mad about it.”

Juice nodded his head and searched your eyes for a moment. “So what do you need me to do?”

You sat up, a smile now working its way onto your face. “Well,” you cleared your throat, “I wanna show him what he’s giving up.”

Juice furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

You rolled your eyes and smiled at the clueless boy sitting in front of you. “I wanna make him jealous, Juice.”

He nodded his head, his eyebrows still furrowed and his face looking more confused now than ever. “And you need me because…?”

You smirked at him. “Because you’re gonna be my new guy.”

——————————————————————————————-

You gripped Juice’s cut in your hands, looking into his eyes with a devilish grin spread on your face. “You look hot.”

He smiled nervously at you. He had wanted you for so long, and now he had you, at least in a ‘pretend-we’re-together-to-piss-off-an-ex’ kind of way. The way you were looking at him, the way your hands were touching him, it made him nervous and excited all at once. He knew he was playing with fire by pretending to hookup with the ex-old lady of the SAMCRO VP, especially with how jealous Jax could be. But Juice didn’t care. You had asked him for a favor, and he was going to do whatever you needed him to do.

“I haven’t seen Jax yet.” You bit your lip and glanced around the clubhouse. There was a big SAMCRO party tonight, and the place was packed. But you had yet to see any sign of Jax. You were beginning to wonder if he was going to show. You sighed loudly and turned back to look at Juice. “I need a drink.” You let go of his cut and began to walk towards the bar. “You want one?”

He swallowed hard and nodded his head. “Yeah. Beer would be good.”

You smiled and nodded back at him, wondering if this was a bad idea after all as you walked towards the bar. Just when you were starting to feel bad about your plan to make Jax jealous, your eyes caught him walking in the clubhouse, Tara in tow. Your eyes narrowed. You felt your entire body get hot as the anger coursed through your veins. You had spent several years of your life with Jax, and he had just dumped you out of the blue for a girl who had left him 10 years ago. That fact alone cut you deep. But now, seeing him bring her into the clubhouse only two days after he dumped you made the sting that much worse. You needed a drink, and you needed it fast.

——————————————————————————————-

“Juicy!” you stumbled towards him, collapsing into his arms.

“Hey,” he drunkenly laughed, barely catching you before you fell. He leaned against the bar, his arms wrapped lazily around your waist. You both had a little too much to drink already, and it was barely midnight. Juice didn’t really plan to drink, but you kept insisting he take shots with you. And he couldn’t say no to you. Before either of you knew it, you were plastered. You had forgotten all about Jax in your drunken stupor. You were having a blast. You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt so carefree. So alive.

You watched Juice for a moment, gazing into his friendly brown eyes. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t notice him before, why you hadn’t spent more time with him since you had and Jax had gotten together. You and Juice had always gotten along so well. You smiled at him, took another drink of whiskey, and pulled on his hand.

——————————————————————————————-
Juice opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. He was in his room at the clubhouse, and it was clear he had a little too much to drink the night before. His mouth felt dry and his head throbbed. He took in a long, deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, trying to remember what happened the night before. His memory was foggy at best. He opened his eyes again, the morning sunlight blinding him, and turned his back to the window. He slid an arm around your waist and nuzzled his face against the back of your neck, breathing in the scent of your shampoo. He smiled contentedly for a moment before reality sank in. His eyes shot open suddenly as he realized you were lying beside him, both of you entirely naked. He sat up, his eyes wide, and stared down at you as he began to piece together what happened the night before. You and Juice had slept together for the first time, and now everything was very, very complicated. He was only supposed to be helping you make Jax jealous. You were supposed to pretend to hookup with him, but instead, you two had actually hooked up.

“Shit,” he mumbled to himself, paralyzed in fear and unsure what to do. He was sure some way, somehow, this was all his fault. He knew you were going to wake up any minute now and be pissed off. He knew you would regret last night. He knew no one else could find out about this, especially not Jax. He had to leave before you woke up, or before anyone else figured out what had happened the night before. He slipped out of the bed, careful not to wake you. He was scared to face you, terrified of what your reaction would be. He couldn’t handle losing your friendship, not over something like this. His head continued to pound as he scoured the room for his clothes. He slipped on his cut and leaned over your sleeping form, giving you one last, gentle kiss on the lips before he left. He wasn’t sure if he would ever have the chance again. He opened the door, glancing at you one more time, then he slipped out as quietly as he could manage.

——————————————————————————————-

“Hey,” you sat down beside Juice as he sat at the table outside the clubhouse.

You were still nursing a slight headache from your drinking binge two nights before. You hadn’t spoken to or seen Juice since that night. You had woken up the next morning, naked and alone in his bed. You already knew what had happened. It was pretty obvious judging by your messy hair and the tiny bruises all over your hips and thighs. You wanted it to happen, deep down. You don’t know why you couldn’t just admit it, but the thought of telling Juice you were falling for him and had been for months now scared you to death. You had been Jax’s old lady for a while, but he had been so distant the last year. You and Juice had grown closer, merely as friends, of course, but you had started to feel things for him you had never felt for Jax. You knew using him to make Jax jealous was a bad idea. You knew how Juice was. You knew he’d think that night had been all about making Jax mad, that it hadn’t meant anything and that it was a drunken mistake. But it wasn’t. At least not to you. But now you didn’t know what to do.

You had been obsessing over that night for two days now, wondering if you had ruined your friendship. Juice had ditched, and you could only assume it was because he regretted what had happened between the two of you. You told yourself to stay away from him, give him some space, let things settle. But you couldn’t help yourself. It was driving you crazy, wondering what was going through his mind after that night. You knew Juice well enough to know he hadn’t just left that morning and forgotten about it. But both of you were terrified to speak to the other, and neither of you was willing to make the first move.

“Hey.” He looked up at you and smiled, a worried look etched on his face. He hadn’t slept much since that night. He couldn’t shake the thought of you. He couldn’t forget how your skin felt against his, how your lips pressed to his, begging for more. He couldn’t forget any of it, no matter how hard he tried. And he couldn’t stop worrying and obsessing over how you felt about it. He wanted to ask if it meant anything to you. He was dying to know if it was more than just making Jax jealous. If maybe that night had happened because you wanted it just as much as he did. His gut told him it wasn’t just some hookup, but he wanted to believe it so bad that he wasn’t sure he could trust his own instinct when it came to you. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips tight together. “Haven’t seen you around much.” He shrugged nervously. “Uh, since the party.” He wanted so bad to just ask you. Just blatantly ask you what the other night was. But he knew it would break his heart if you told him it was all because of Jax. He wasn’t sure he could stomach it. So he didn’t push it.

“Yeah.” You nodded your head and bit your lip.

Both of you remained silent for a few moments, the awkward tension between the two of you practically palpable. Juice couldn’t stand it anymore. He couldn’t spend another night tossing and turning over you, wondering what was going on between you. Wonder if there was anything going on between you at all. He cleared his throat, trying to work up the courage he needed.

“Was the other night just about Jax?” he blurted. He quickly turned his eyes to the table, angry at himself for the way the words came out of his mouth. But at least they were out now. At least he had finally said something.

You felt your breath catch and your pulse quicken. You refused to make eye contact with Juice. You twisted your fingers nervously in your lap. You sighed. “Juice - “

He felt his heart drop. The way you said his name, he was sure he was going to get the answer he never wanted to hear. He immediately regretted asking. “Yeah.” He nodded his head. “I knew that’s what,” he let out a deep, shaky breath, “I knew that’s what you wanted. I don’t know why I - “ He cut himself off. His eyes stung, and he swallowed hard. “I just, I don’t want you to regret that shit.” He shrugged and smiled sadly at you. “Because of me.” 

You sighed and reached across the table, taking Juice by the hand. He looked up at you quickly, a confused expression on his face. “Juice, it wasn’t just about Jax.” You looked up into his warm, brown eyes and smiled as you remember the other night. “It wasn’t about Jax at all.” You sighed and rolled your eyes, debating on whether or not you should say the words begging to slip off your lips. “I’ve got - “ you took another deep breath. “I think I’m falling for you, Juice. And not like, in some ‘just friends’ way.” You turned your eyes to the table and let out a short laugh. “I don’t regret anything.” You looked back up at him. “I wanted the other night to happen. I guess I kinda hoped it would.” 

His eyes searched your face. “You’re falling for me?” 

“Yeah.” You shrugged and smiled, waiting for his reaction. “I am. And it scares the shit out of me.”

Juice watched you for a moment, then he began to grin. He let out a laugh and shook his head. “Me too.” 

“What?”

“Yeah.” His grin grew and he nodded his head excitedly. “I’m like, totally falling in love with you, and I’m scared shitless.” His smile was so wide his eyes were only small slits on his face. “But I think I kinda like it.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a deep sigh of relief. You smiled back at him and ran your thumb lovingly across the back of his hand. “I think I do too.”

The Mission

Originally posted by andrewxscotts

A/N: Sorry for any mistakes, hope you enjoy! :)
Words:
1286

You had been training on and on for months. You were so impatient; you couldn’t really wait to go on the mission.  Hodge had trained you so hard, that you every single night had gone to bed before nine. Alec was extremely worried about you pushing yourself too hard. The mission was dangerous; it was the only reason you were training so hard. You had been a shadowhunter your whole life. So you knew when to train – also Alec would be too over protective to let you go with him on the mission without training, so of course you had trained harder than ever.

Keep reading

Imagine dating Newt Scamander in seventh year

Disclaimer: Newt is obviously not expelled in this version.

Him being much too brave and you being constantly worried about him when he breaks school rules to sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to go explore the Forbidden Forrest or get involved in illegal trades to save beasts from suspicious people.

You sometimes going with him to the forrest to try to protect him from whatever creatures he’ll meet out there as he goes in deeper and deeper. Even though he doesn’t need protection and he insists they’re not dangerous.

You telling him that you’ll both get expelled. Him replying: “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, love!”

You getting really skilled at nursing spells as you patch him up whenever he shows up with a new scratch, burn or broken limb.

You sometimes being worried that he doesn’t love you as much as his creatures and won’t spend as much time with you as he would if you were a Bowtruckle. When finally manning up and confronting him with these feelings he’ll look unconcerned and just tell you “come on, love, you don’t mean that” or simply kiss your forehead and tell you not to worry.

Him being so in love with you and feeling so lucky to be with you that he doesn’t know how to word it.

Him feeling so relaxed around you that he has no longer any problem making eye contact and he is very aware that it melts you completely.

Him talking passionately about beasts but getting extremely distracted and giggly whenever you kiss him.

Him fooling around with you all the time but being over protective and treating you like a delicate flower as soon as you show any sign of weakness or illness.

Him reading to you and being very enthusiastic about almost any topic.

Sneaking into the Prefect’s bathroom at night to share a romantic bath.

The two of you being extremely passionate and competitive on the Quidditch field but really mellow and sweet under any other circumstances.

Making passionate love after Quidditch matches.

Both of you being very booksmart but none of you really knowing what to do with your life after school except traveling and exploring the world together.

Originally posted by hardyness

i want to watch you grow old.

I want to watch you grow old.

I want to watch the prescriptions in your eyeglasses grow steadily stronger, want to watch as you lose them with increasing regularity and it takes you longer and longer to find them again every time. (I want it to become harder for me too to help, until we’re both wandering around our house laughing at own inability to remember but not caring, because what more could we possibly need to know beyond this?)

I want to go to the doctors’ with you as you are put on more and more prescriptions of pills, to be the one to bring you still more of those pills every morning, even as it takes me longer and longer to make my own way back to our bed. (I want to still have breakfast with you in bed, even when we can’t manage more than store-bought muffins and end up with crumbs we can barely see all over our sheets.)

I want to still fist my hands in your hair, even as it goes grey. I want to count the grey strands with my fingers when I no longer can with my eyes, or to run my fingertips teasingly atop your scalp if your hair just falls out instead.

I want you to still make me blush, beneath my own white hair.

I want to trace the wrinkles in your face as they appear. To press my lips to your forehead and not care how increasingly strange it feels. (Though I am sure I will still cheerfully poke fun at you all the same, that we will both still be cheerfully making fun of one another even as we carry on rolling around in bed together with creaking bones instead of mattress springs.)

I want us to tell one another stories, to help each other remember what we can, to romanticise the ridiculous escapades of our past.

I want to still hear your laugh, to still make you laugh, even when it devolves into coughs. (I promise that it will still be my favourite sound.)

I want us to be that old couple who still holds each other’s hands. (And I will still stare up at you, adoringly, even when you are stooped.) I would still wear your ring on my finger, even knowing I would soon be so bony that I would never again be able to get it off.

I want us to grow old together. I want to see everything that you become.

Because whatever it is, I cannot imagine finding anything more beautiful, or wanting anything more.

Except, of course, for wanting to grow old beside you.

I had never so much as pictured that before, you know – growing old myself, let alone the luxury of growing old beside anyone else, beside anyone like you.

Of the luxury of watching someone like you, for so many years.

But now that I have seen you, I also can’t imagine ever being able to bring myself to look away. Not from you.

And I can’t imagine ever wanting you to look away from me.

I want you to see me down to the bones, to count the bones as they protrude from skin, to press your own fingertips to them as though you were playing connect-the-dots and could make my skeleton make pictures. I want to still somehow be beautiful to you, even with my own parade of wrinkles and greys. I want to trust you so much that I never leave your side, that I never hide away from you, even when I am tired and worn-down and outwardly showing every scar.

I want you to know the person that I become. I want that person that I become to be yours.

And I don’t want to be, not without you.

I accepted the loss of everything else in the world I knew. I accepted the loss of my world. Perhaps you can argue that I had no choice in the matter.

But here, perhaps, I do, and I refuse to accept the loss of you, of the future that you and I could potentially have.

I love you.

I love you, and I am fairly certain that I will love you forever, and the entire point is that I do not want forever to stop.

There are a lot of ways I could dress it up or polish it down, but this is the realest thing I know: I adore you more than my demons despise me. I’m usually crippled by indecision – forever torn between love that’s furious and passionate and brutal, and love that’s gentle and warm and effortless. But you juggle complexity and simplicity, bridging my two conflicting desires in a way that nobody else has been capable of.
I want the volcano and the snow-capped mountaintop both. And, of course, the blissful solitude of the rope bridge between the two, because I’ll always need space to ponder. I want one lung full of the fresh air that comes naturally with adventure and the other with the slight staleness that develops inside your room when you stay in bed into the afternoon because you love somebody too much to share them with the rest of the world. But I’ll be generous: I’ll breathe in your carbon dioxide and then go out and give it to the trees. We’ll watch every second sunrise, you and I.
I want your consolation and your celebration – you with your arms around me on the tiles of my bathroom floor and you clinking your champagne flute against mine at every toast. I want to dance with you under starlight and strobe lights. Aimless late night drives and mundane afternoon grocery runs. My hands clasped in yours at the dinner table and then pinned above my head when all our guests go home. Mad love, and love that’s so logical that nobody dares question it. Love that stings as a side effect of the healing process. Love that reads like eccentric poetry but rolls off the tongue.
Love that involves you, in all your versatile glory.
—  a.f., “the complete paradoxical package”