you awkward jerks

eldritchlunch  asked:

What if: Han calling father-in-law Anakin 'Pops' or something like that in order to be sort of cheeky and pretend he isn't the scariest guy in the galaxy

This is absolutely what happens in the double agent AU.

The thing is, Han was actually not that scared of Vader. He shot the guy down that one time, right? And anyway he doesn’t believe in all this mystical mumbo jumbo, and that mask is honestly kind of tacky in his opinion: base intimidation tactics, not even very clever. He’s seen better.

But then he meets Ekkreth, also known as Anakin Skywalker, hero of the Clone Wars, double agent extraordinaire who regularly lies to the Emperor, whose not-really-that-intimidating mask is apparently a life support system, who has literally killed people for having insufficient faith in that “mumbo jumbo,” who’s a damn good mechanic and a better pilot than Han would like to admit, and who is also, by the way, Leia’s father….that guy is terrifying.

Anakin is kind of amused by it, tbh, because he actually really likes Han. He keeps trying to turn their past encounters into in jokes, but it takes Han a while to figure out that’s what he’s doing, rather than, say, trying to threaten or goad Han. It’s all, “Let’s see you try to shoot me down this time, Solo” and “This mission requires a good bit of acting - better leave Solo behind” and also probably a lot of mercenary jokes and of course constant teasing about Han’s “lack of faith.” (Though tbh, now that he’s hanging around the three Skywalkers pretty much all the time, Han is finding it harder and harder to hang on to his lack of belief in the Force.)

I imagine Han probably responds by giving Anakin all sorts of insulting nicknames. Like, at first he probably just calls him “Old Man,” all the time, but that becomes really awkward when it goes public just how not old Anakin actually is (and when Han realizes that there’s effectively the same age difference between him and Anakin as between him and Leia, which is…definitely awkward).

So then he switches to calling him things like “Pops” and “Rust Bucket” (something that initially horrified Leia, but is actually probably Anakin’s fave nickname). Anakin in turn refers to Han as “Kid” and “Nerfherder” (which always makes Leia cringe in embarrassment).

Hexagon

You are a hexagon. Everyone else  is a circle. They roll around easily and you clunk along behind them. You rotate in six awkward jerks and they spin smoothly. You are gross and bad and you are not a circle.

You go to a club for not-circles. Everyone is a square. Everyone tessellates. You don’t tessellate. They talk about rotating on four awkward jerks. You feel guilty because you rotate in six slightly less awkward jerks and if you can do that, maybe you are just a lazy circle? Look at the squares, it is so hard for them! And yet they are forming a little chessboard that looks neat and cool and what have you ever done? You are gross and bad and you are not a square.

You go back to the circles. They are mad at the way you move. They are mad at you being so awkward on purpose. They mutter things about “subclinical square traits.” They wonder when you will grow out of this. You are twenty-seven years old and you can’t roll. You are gross and bad and you are not a circle.

You go back to the squares. They are talking excitedly about how great is to find people like themselves. They are talking about how hard it is to be unable to do circle things (which you can’t do) and then talk about all the amazing square skills that make it worthwhile (which are a bunch of DIFFERENT things you ALSO can’t do.) You wonder if hexagons are ever going to be good at anything. You are gross and bad and you are not a square.

This is the paragraph in this style of writing where it turns around, where you realise it’s okay to be a hexagon. Except you don’t. It’s not okay to be a hexagon. The world is circles and the ingroup is squares and hexagons are disgusting and hexagons are pointless. You are gross and bad and you are not a circle and you are gross and bad and you are not a square and you are gross and bad and you are a hexagon and you are gross and bad and you always will be and you are gross and bad and everyone is sick of you and you are a hexagon and you should not exist.

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klarolineforevermine  asked:

"I’m the drama teacher and you’re the only who can actually act, help me demonstrate this love scene to my students" AU

For 25daysofKlaroline - Klaroline + high school! Meant to do a sequel to one of the others but it just didn’t work! So this happened.

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

It was a struggle for Caroline, not to visible cringe, at the sight before her. This was supposed to be epic, life changing, romance. The stuff dreams were made of.

On the page it was. In life, right now? Not so much.

The leading man was clearly nursing a ginormous, and painfully unrequited crush on his scene partner. He was tomato red, and his voice kept cracking.

Not exactly apropos, when he was supposed to be playing a sophisticated, charming, Frenchman.

To the leading lady, Lucy’s, credit, she was trying. She tended to go a bit dead in the eyes, and flat in the face, thinking too hard about her next move. But Caroline knew that could be worked on, would improve, as she got more comfortable with the lines. Lucy was a hell of a singer, and an even better dancer. And she was nice enough not to laugh at the poor kid making desperate heart eyes at her.

If she’d known that assistant directing her alma mater’s spring musical was going to turn into directing-directing the show she might have said no. Even though she’d talked one of her stage craft professors into letting her use the experience as a final project.

She wasn’t sure if even that was worth it sometimes.

Caroline called cut, just before the actor playing Emile attempted a kiss.

A not-so-quiet mutter of, “Oh, thank god,” had nervous giggles erupting from the others who’d been watching the rehearsal. And left both of the actors on stage shuffling awkwardly, looking anywhere but at each other.

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