you are welcome

a practical guide to becoming a true pun master
  1. accept that no pun is actually Good, but that the true nature of a good pun is to be so terrible that it becomes good.
  2. say every pun that occurs to you. i’m so serious about this, sometimes the most well received puns will be ones you considered not saying.
  3. ALWAYS laugh at your own puns, even if nobody else is. (especially if nobody else is.)
  4. know that you are hilarious. puns are a limitless resource and you have taken it as your duty to bring this gift to humanity. you are a hero.
basically every day 1st-8th year
  • Harry:Shove off, Malfoy. Prat.
  • Draco:WHATEVER POTTER. YOU ATTRACTIVE- wait no
  • Draco:*takes out notecards and flips frantically through them*
  • Draco:no, I- wait, I have a good insult in here somewhere
  • Draco:You gorgeous- NO
  • Draco:*drops all of the cards in his fumbling*
  • Draco:fuck, I just- I prepared for this I have a good one just don't- GRANGER HAR-POTTER WILL MEET YOU IN THE LIBRARY IN A FUCKIGN SECOND JUST-
  • Draco:*picks them all up, blushing furiously*
  • Draco:*finally settles on a card*
  • Draco:*deep breath*
  • Draco:*smirks*
  • Draco:Git.
  • Harry:
  • Draco:
  • Harry:
  • Draco:
  • Harry:
  • Draco:Nailed it.
references to awesome sites
  • alabe - seriously the most accurate horoscope ever. you can roll your eyes but look at your birth chart/all the other shit it has on there and you will be shocked at how accurate it is
  • lumosity - a great place to brain train. it really does help!
  • superbetter - a place to track your goals and to help you fight depression/eds/anxiety/injury with power packs that give you ‘quests’ to accomplish your goals. seriously a great, great website
  • lifehack - yeah lol lifehacks but seriously my life has improved ridiculously since discovering lifehacks
  • cognifit - a lamer version of lumosity but with unlimited training time (for free) but it also helps loads!
  • comfortspot - an amazing place to vent and let out your problems, anonymously and get 'comfort’ from other people. you can even provide comfort for others! it makes you feel so, so good on both ends
  • sparkpeople - a great weight loss website that gives you your OWN meal plan (for free) and allows you to track things like your weight, measurement, daily energy, and gives you customized goals such as: giving up fastfood meal per week, etc.
  • slimkicker - so accurate in the way it counts calories and it doesn’t limit you too much or make you feel guilty for going over any 'limits’ and it comes with custom challenges and workout plans!
  • stumbleupon - an even better version of lifehacks, it’s not just for lols it’s great for finding self improvement sites and other really cool shit
  • duolingo - a fucking amazing language learning site and it’s addicting and it’s fun. 
  • khanacademy - literally the one math learning website that makes you NOT feel stupid
  • sparknotes - great for acing tests on books you didnt read
  • mathway - basically solves any problem you give it. albeit without work but at least you get the answer
  • calm - this is my shit a great way to meditate and awesome background noise for studying/relaxing/whatever
  • rainymood - p sure tumblr knows what this is
  • quizlet - my g when it comes to studying
  • spreeder - improves speed reading for better comprehension 
  • studygs - basically learning about learning and it’s a life saver let me tell you
  • blogilates - another great weight loss website because cassie’s videos are ALL on youtube and she’s so encouraging and fun and she doesnt fat shame, imo, which is great and you will love her 
  • isidewith - if you think youre a strong 100% liberal think again. this site actually provides you with several political opinions, relevant right now and asks your opinions and gives you feedback on what parties coincide with your opinion
  • whatthehellshouldiwatchonnetflix - not really customized but it’s better than just browsing netflix aimlessly
  • futureme - truly an inspirational website if you love seeing how far you have come. YOU WRITE LETTERS TO YOUR FUTURE SELF HOW COOL IS THAT
  • grade calculator - basically figuring out how much you can bullshit a final exam
  • psych textbook - if you love psychology (like me) this is great. this dude wrote a bunch of textbooks, put them online and hes an actual teacher too so it’s legit. he’s funny as fuck and the textbook isn’t written so you can’t keep up, it’s very simple

valentine’s day is coming up so here are some handy ways to tell someone you love them:

  • hug them on a cliff in front of all your friends
  • compliment their eyesight 
  • stare longingly at them when they can’t see 
  • clutch their hand and beg for forgiveness in a death scene that perfectly mirrors that of a couple with an established romantic relationship
  • give them a glittery see-through shirt 

happy valentine’s day everyone!