you are trying to murder me

Oh hey look: Magic Brian Headcanons???

-droopy eye lids; always look like he’s either trying too hard or is half asleep

-work clothes? Watch him get all up on that fancy shit. He will murder a man for those Pravda shoes.

-overdramatizes E V E R Y T H I N G (i.e. his death)

-he named that big old arachnid Bryan. You bet your sweet ass he named his wand(?)/magical conductor Breyean (literally just another way to spell Brian but with the literal word “eye” in the middle)

-ya boy keeps a trim figure and looks like a prude but he will get all up on those hot wings and walk outta Fantasy Buffalo Wild Wings with that red sauce all over his face.

-was literally gonna marry Garfield the Deals Warlock.

anonymous asked:

...Wigfrid has always made me nervous. Obviously she was an incredibly interesting person and very entertaining to watch, but...one can only handle a spear in the chest a few dozen times before her very presence becomes threatening. I did try to see the whole "hunting me down and murdering me over and over" thing from a different angle, I did try, but...I don't think I ever got used to it and...you still scare me, Wigfrid. Hope your happy that I finally confessed to that.

Sick Book Tag

I wasn’t tagges by anyone, but I came across this game and thought it would be fun.


1. Diabetes - a very sweet book: 
Most of the books I read aren’t exactly sweet. The closest thing might be “Three Bags Full” by Leonie Swann. It’s a crime novel about a flock of Irish sheep that try to investigate the murder of their sheperd. Not the most thrilling crime novel ever, but it’s funny and so charming.

2. Chickenpox - a book that you read once and will not read again:  
“Effi Briest” by Theodor Fontane. We read it in school and I actually enjoyed it very much, but I guess it’s still enough to read it once in your life.

3. Influenza - a contagious book that spreads like a virus:  
“The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins. I haven’t been interested in YA dystopian literature at all - until that book came along and took me by suprise. I started to love this genre so much that I not only read trilogy after trilogy, I even made it the object of my master thesis.

4. The Cycle - a book that you read every month, every year, or very often:  
None, actually. I can’t remember a single book I read multiple times. Even my favourite books have only been read once. But I plan on re-reading “The Lord Of The Rings”, “The Idiot”, “The Thief Lord” and “Harry Potter”.

5. Insomnia - a book that kept you up all night: 
That might be a surprise, but “The Idiot” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky really kept me up all night. The first houndred pages are a little boring and tough to read, but once you got the groove of the book, it is simply amazing and mesmerising. I read it 10 years ago and it’s still my favourite book ever.
Another one I like to mention is “The Thief Lord” by Cornelia Funke, since this is the very first book I can remember being so excited about that I couldn’t wait to get home from school and continue reading.

6. Amnesia - a book that’s been forgotten and failed to leave an impression on you:  
I remember every book we read in school at least somehow, but I got no idea what “Nathan The Wise” by Gotthold Lessing was about. Literally no idea.

7. Asthma - a book that took your breath away:
Definitely “Relentless” by Simon Kernick. I’ve read at least a houndred different thriller novels, and I forget most of them quite soon after reading. But this one is one of the most thrilling and fast-paced books ever. So much fun to read! I couldn’t put it away.

8. Malnutrition - a book that lacked food for thought: 
I guess that award goes to the third book of the “Divergent”-series by Veronica Roth. I loved the first book so much, whereas the second book was quite some disappointment and the final book… well, the final book was a desaster. Definitely one of the worst and most shallow books I’ve ever read.

9. Motion Sickness - a book that took you on a journey through time and space:
The first book that come into my mind was “Is Underground” by Joan Aiken. I read it so many years ago sometime in the late 90s, but I still remember being pulled into this story about child labour in the 19th century.


I’s like to tag @lordhellebore, @bluetheon, @milverton, @randomlut, @paceywittersherocomplex, @selkiewife, @those-you-ve-known, @cafeleningrad and @soft-ravenclaw-apollo.

3

story of my life


...how would a pair of murder husbands tell their child how they fell in love?

Friends who get into trouble sentence starters
  • “I called someone to bail us out last time. It’s your turn.”
  • “We probably shouldn’t do this.”
  • “See you say it’ll be fine? But, something tells me it won’t be.”
  • “Okay, but they are gonna be so pissed when they see what we did to this place.”
  • “We probably shouldn’t have tried to surf on the mattress down the stairs..”
  • “I can’t believe we just prank called him/her. What are we like twelve?”
  • “Let’s just tell them that the dog did it.”
  • “I’m picking the lock. But, I just realized that I’m not a detective and this is a hair pin I found in my glovebox.”
  • “Do you think that alarm means that we’re caught?”
  • “I’ll fill the bucket with water and you distract him/her while I dump it on their head.”
  • “This is exactly what we need–a  night out. Let’s go crazy!!”
  • “Honestly, I think the car looks better after we crashed it.”
  • “I rang this guy/girls doorbell and ran away really fast??? And they found me.”
  • “Why is there a giant teddy bear wearing lingerie in my bath tub?”
  • “Oh my god, why is there an unconscious man/woman on the floor?!”
  • “We were supposed to be cooking. But, it looks like a murder occurred in here.”
  • “We broke the window. I think someone is going to notice.”
  • “I can’t believe we’re trying to climb through a window to get back a pair of your panties/underwear.”
  • “Shh, they’ll hear us. This is a terrible idea. You are lucky I love you.”
  • “That cop did not find it as funny as we did.”
  • “I told you not to hum the law and order theme song while we were being given a speeding ticket!!”

Planned mass murder is terrorism! You can’t pick and choose who’s a terrorist and who’s not! Terrorism is terrorism no matter what your beliefs are. Double standards by the media. Smh. It seems every colour is a terrorist expect white. #prayforvegas #StephenPaddockisaTerrorist

EDIT: Also for the ones who are trying to defend by reiterating the definition of “terrorism”…bud relax there are many deinfitions of terrorism, and no universally accepted one! So forgive me if I don’t accept and agree with America’s definition of “terrorism”; a country that couldn’t bother to give civil rights to human beings until the 60s and is still prejudice towards Africans Americans for having those rights!
Autumn Inspired Prompts
  • You’re a vampire and I’m a witch, we both go to this private school in New England that has a small population of supernatural students. We meet because I need a vile of vampire venom for a potion and my demon best friend said you’re the person to talk to.
  • We go to a school for supernatural beings and you’re the cutest witch I’ve ever seen but you’re kind of intimidating.
  • I’m a fairy and my parents told me to never get myself involved with a witch but you’re so sweet and kind and not anything like I was told about witches.
  • We’re both from ancient supernatural families and our kinds hate each other but to end the centuries of fighting we are to be wed.
  • There our seven lines of ancient witches referred to as the Seven Devil, there are certain alliances amongst the families and certain feuds. One night a whole line is whipped out, they were an ally of my line an enemy of yours. You’re suspected of being apart of the killings but I can prove you’re innocence. The only problem is our lines are enemies as well and my family advises me not to because it’ll give our line more power. (Bonus: My line was actually behind whipping out the line because they were power hungry and framed your line)
  • I’m a witch and one night while I’m walking home I’m murdered by someone or something unknown. But a few day later I wake up in the morgue. I got my friend who says that I was saved due to vampire venom in my system, vampire venom in small amounts can slowly heal someone but they’ll appear dead until they’ve made a full recovery. I try to find the vampire who saved me and find you. You tell me you found me bleeding out, near death on the side of the road while you were walking into town so you bit me to save me. (Bonus: You help me find the person or thing that tried to kill me)
  • I’m a witch and there’s a witch hunter in town and he’s been following me around for the last few days. One day he corners me in the woods near town while I was collecting ingredients for a potion and tried to kill me but you come out of nowhere and save me by killing him. We make eye contact before you run into the woods. Who are you and why did you save me?
  • I’m a werewolf and have some serious anger issues and you’re a witch who makes theses amazing calming potions with lavender and every time I come in to buy some you me a free lavender candle and every time I light it I’m instantly calm and can’t stop thinking about you.
  • I just transferred to this private school and all the students talk about the werewolves who roam the forest that surrounds the school for miles, some are even rumored to attend the school. I don’t believe them because wolves are common in this area and werewolves obviously aren’t real. But then one night decide to go for a walk in the woods because it’s a full moon and there’s a light fog so how can I resist and I’m pretty damn sure the cute person from my history class just turned into a wolf, what the hell?
  • You and your friends are rumored to be descendants of supernatural beings and you’re pretty well liked by everyone but everyone’s also kind of afraid of you. Of course most people don’t believe in the supernatural, but I’ve seen somethings and I’m pretty sure not only are the rumors true but there’s way more to it.
  • Your a descendant from a famous alleged supernatural being and I’m doing a report on them and how it’s affected your family. You agreed to let me interview and after doing a lot of research I realize that you’re not a descendant of that person but are in fact that person who’s been alive after all these years.
  • We’re best friends, I’m a vampire and you’re a witch. Shenanigans ensue.
  • I’m a powerful ancient witch and you’re a vampire who I’ve loved for several centuries but you’re murdered by one of my enemies. I’m now consumed with finding a way to bring you back to life and back to me. I have never been a cruel witch but in this time I am ready to do anything and everything to get my way.

Sense8 + Tumblr Text Posts

Jonas : don’t joke about murder I was murdered once and it offends me


Lito : *sticks leg in the air* give me attention


Dani : i hate when people ask “who you tryna look good for” bitch myself bye


Riley : *planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what


Wolfgang : flirting aka staring at u and when u look back at me i look away very fast so u wont see that i was staring at u


Sun : I may seem like an angry person on the surface but deep down I’m actually angrier


Amanita : while you were busy being hetererosexual I studied the blade


Will : @theuniverse please chill. I’m trying my best i’m like four days past my bedtime


Kala : I don’t want the d, I want the a. I want to ace this class


Hernando : I want to sit on a kitchen counter in my underwear at 3am with you and talk about the universe


Nomi : no mom I already have a job it’s called being hardcore


Capheus : So tired of being human I want to be a flower

Important lyrics in Bobby’s ‘LOVE AND FALL’ album
  • The prettiest curve on you is the smile on your lips (’FIREWORK’)
  • Girl, just because Wonder Woman is strong, that doesn’t mean it’s ok to hurt her (’LEAN ON ME’)
  • You don’t believe in God but, I thank God for sending me a treasure like you (’LEAN ON ME’)
  • I ran crazily, not knowing I became an adult, trying to pretend I live without worries so my mom won’t get worried (’RUNAWAY’)
  • Now I’m smiling like you and am happy. Before, I took everything for granted. But you change me, my girl. (’ALIEN’)
  • I’ll hold onto you when you’re about to collapse. I’ll be your shoulder so you can rest, I’ll walk with you when no one’s there. I won’t let go of your hand. (’IN LOVE)
  • Don’t be pressured, I won’t force you girl. (’SECRET’)
  • I lost another friend, jealousy can commit murder. (’UP’)
  • They say I’m like a rainbow, both the ladies and the men. (’UP’)
  • I know there’s no such thing as fair play between a guy and a girl. (’TENDAE’)
  • Would we be different if we understood each other a little more? (’I LOVE YOU’)
A Definitely Incomplete List Of My Favorite Moments From The Lightning Thief (book), because I'm having Feelings
  • Percy very causally mentioning times he accidentally hit a school bus with a canon or dropped fifth graders into shark-infested water
  • Grover Underwood
  • Just everything he’s ever done
  • Percy running an illegal candy ring out of his dorm room 
  • “I was worried they found out I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the internet and were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.”
  • When Percy thought Grover was going to give him some deep, meaningful commentary on life to make him feel better but Grover just wanted Percy’s lunch
  • Percy tried so hard to do well on his Latin final and Chiron somehow thinks it’s a good idea to tell him he’s ‘not normal’ in front of the class my poor boy
  • That one part where Percy essentially went “Oh hey mom’s home!!! Better reschedule this panic attack I was having!!” 
  • When Percy did that weird hand sign (that was never explained) and the door slammed on Gabe so hard he flew up the steps
  • The fact that when Grover finally tracked Percy down he wasn’t wearing any pants. Like, there was literally no reason for him to not have the fake feet and the jeans on. No actual reason for him to be free balling it. Percy just needed a shock apparently. Showing up in the middle of a hurricane with no pants, dramatic ass satyr I love him. 
  • The SATISFYING DEATH of Gabe’s Camaro + Sally apparently learned bullfighting just in case because she truly is the best mom
  • Percy killing the minotaur with its own horn
  • Percy dragging Grover over the camp line while crying for his mom literally end me
  • You drool when you sleep.” could we get more iconic here
  • Percy teasing Annabeth about her crush on Luke
  • When Luke stole some toiletries for Percy and he got a little choked up because it was apparently the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him
  • The fact that Chiron basically told Annabeth that Percy was her destiny
  • The fact that a recovering alcoholic god of wine who hates children was deemed fit to run a camp for children
  • Not so fun: Percy, upon meeting Mr. D, immediately recognizing the signs of an alcoholic and going out of his way to sit far away from him ‘just in case’
  • The fact that everyone just expected him to hear ‘the greek gods are real’ and move on?? why would no one let this boy be in shock omg
  • Zeus apparently had a thing for the fluffy 80′s hairstyles
  • “the real world is where the monsters are” 
  • The fact that Poseidon could have claimed Percy at literally any moment but he apparently decided he really needed that dramatic reveal during capture the flag.
  • When Zeus was feeling Extra Dramatic™ after Percy’s claiming so he started making it rain inside the camp boarders and everyone was lowkey freaking out
  • When Annabeth pulls off her invisible cap and declares she’s going on the quest with him and Percy was like, beyond unsurprised that she was there and didn’t even attempt to fight her 
  • Chiron forgot to give Percy a sword from his father for like, an entire month. 
  • Grover with those freaking flying shoes oh my God
  • Annabeth blushing literally any time Luke talks to her 
  • IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE AND RESPECT ARGUS, HEAD OF CAMP SECURITY
  • lmao when Percy and Annabeth start bickering about something and Argus just winks at Percy because he knows
  • When they were playing hackey sack with an apple but it got too close to Grover’s mouth and he just ate the whole thing
  • The entire bus scene oh my God
  • “I was about to become the ADHD Poster Child of the Year” as he’s CRASHING A BUS
  • Annabeth on a fury’s back 
  • the explosion. just. all gr8. 
  • When Grover tries to play a path finder song and Percy just immediately slams into a tree. Also the fact that the path finder song was actually just a Hillary Duff number. 
  • “You two are giving me a migraine, and satyr’s don’t even get migraines!” 
  • Percy actually, truly trying to sell the story that the three of them are circus orphans who got separated from their ringleader 
  • Grover: hey guys this place is REALLY SHADY and we need to leave
  • Annabeth and Percy: but f o o d
  • Can you imagine walking into a store and finding your dead uncle’s body on display? Like????
  • When Medusa revealed herself and Annabeth’s running around invisible, Percy’s swinging a sword blindly and Grover’s flying around screaming and trying to whack her with a stick: everyone here is a MESS
  • When Annabeth was overly annoyed with Percy after that ordeal??? Sweetheart you fell for the trick too
  • Name something more iconic than 12 year old Percy Jackson mailing the decapitated head of Medusa to the gods on Mt. Olympus in an act of sheer pettiness. I dare you. 
  • When Percy was insisting on taking first watch while the others slept and Grover was basically like “hey kiddo listen to this” and played a song that immediately knocked him out so he could sleep all night 
  • “Percy. Say hello to the poodle.”
  • Percy seeing all the Greek creatures from the train window 
  • When Annabeth was dragging the boys to the St. Louis Arch and Percy’s claustrophobic ass Did Not Want To Get In That Tiny Elevator but he went anyway because he wanted Annabeth to be happy. That boy has had it bad since the start. 
  • “I am Echidna!”
  • “Isn’t…isn’t that a type of anteater?”
  • I HATE AUSTRALIA.” 
  • How many times has Percy actually been poisoned throughout all the series I literally want a count 
  • ‘Lemme just, uh….jump off the fucking St. Louis Arch and hope I don’t die when I hit the water.’
  • There is just something very aesthetic about Percy lighting a fire in the bottom of a river 
  • Percy’s got so much pent-up rage that he’s just immediately ready to wreck Ares upon meeting him omfg
  • THE THRILL RIDE O’ LOVE
  • Annabeth getting so worked up and flustered over going down there with Percy because it’s a love ride and Percy’s just like “you literally do not have to make this a Thing” lmao
  • Annabeth wouldn’t let Percy touch Aphrodite’s scarf because she didn’t want him getting infected by love magic but then…touched it herself lol
  • The entire sequence with the mechanical spiders and the cameras and the ride itself 
  • Percy’s plan to get off the ride!!!! He’s so smart okay can people stop calling him stupid!!! 
  • Grover trying to catch them both in mid-air but they‘re too heavy so the three of them just kind of slowly crash into one of those face-cut-out posters lol
  • Percy, turning to the camera’s broadcasting this shit on Olympus: “Show’s over! Thank You! Goodnight!” 
  • THE FUCKING ZOO BUS
  • Everything about that scene omg. The animals they had to help. Trying to convince Grover of how great he is. The baby percabeth. my h e a r t
  • “What if it does line up like the Trojan War? Athena versus Poseidon?”
  • “I don’t know what my mom will do. I just know I’ll be fighting next to you.”
  • “Why?”
  • “Because you’re my friend, Seaweed Brain, any more stupid questions?”
  • Do you hear that sound? That’s me, ages 13-21(+) sobbing uncontrollably oh my God I love them so much
  • ‘let’s just set a fucking lion loose in Las Vegas’ 
  • “I put a Blessing of the Wild on them, so they’ll safely find food and shelter wherever they go.”
  • “Why can’t you put on of those on us?”
  • “It only works on wild animals.”
  • “So it would only effect Percy…”
  • “HEY!” 
  • When they get to the Lotus hotel and Grover starts playing that game where the deer shoot the hunters azxjhnhdjx
  • Percy physically having to drag his friends out of there once he realized it was the lair of the lotus eaters
  • When Annabeth gave the taxi driver her lotus credit card and he started calling her “Your Highness” lmao
  • Every time in this book Percy comes close to uncovering a Dark Truth the people around him are just like “let’s not worry about that :) “ and my polite boy actually shuts up it’s so wild because I would just keep going lol
  • CRUSTY THE WATER BED SALESMAN 
  • Listen that entire scene has lowkey always been one of my Favs and I’m not even sure why but Percy chopping his head off was g r e a t
  • The entrance to the Underworld is DOA Recording Studios and I love it
  • “We, uh…all drowned in a bathtub.”
  • Poor Charon just wants his Italian suits he doesn’t need all this bullshit 
  • Grover almost getting dragged into Tartarus: not good. very bad. bad shit. 
  • Annabeth getting emotionally attached to Cerberus in the span of 3 minutes: RELATABLE 
  • ‘huh my backpack that I thought I got rid of five days ago is getting weirdly heavy, that’s not suspicious though, right?’ 
  • When Hades just starts monologue-ing about all the shit he has to put up with
  • “what kind of awful things do you have to do to get sewn into Hades underwear?” p e r c y
  • when Percy realizes the Master Bolt is in his backpack and he’s just like. tell me why. why. I’m a good person. what did I DO. 
  • When Percy has to sacrifice his mom to get Annabeth and Grover out of there I Cri Evey Tiem 
  • My cute lil’ baby yelling around on a beach to get Ares to show up 
  • ahdbsjznx when Grover gives Percy a crushed, half eaten tin can for good like and Percy is just like “Grover…I don’t know what to say.” I LOVE HIM
  • My sweet son kicking the god of war’s ass. bless. blessed on this day. 
  • The news crews who suddenly started backtracking and writing Percy as a hero 
  • Percy, choking back tears, giving Gabe’s store’s phone number out on national television and promising everyone free appliances IM STILL CACKLING I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH HE’S ICONIC 
  • Hades actually releasing Sally because he’s Not As Big Of A Dick As He Could Have Been 
  • Percy: hey I think there’s a really good chance that Kronos was behind this whole mess-
  • Zeus and Poseidon: XXX KRONOS DO NOT INTERACT XXX
  • Poseidon rolling his eyes at literally everything Zeus says and does
  • Poseidon and Percy’s whole talk omg my sweet boy just wants his dad to love him and Poseidon’s trying to figure out how to show affection when he basically signed this kid’s death sentence I’m crying 
  • A man will never satisfy me as much or in the same way as Sally Jackson murdering Gabe Ugliano did 
  • Percy was spending months of summer stressing over who the friend that’s supposed to betray him was but like…Sweetie you had exactly three (3) friends and you knew two of them weren’t gonna hurt you
  • ahbdjsnx when Percy and Luke were having their conversation in the woods and like Luke’s acting shady af the whole time but it’s literally not until he litters that Percy is like “something…is Wrong.” this boy I s2g
  • Percy getting bit by a scorpion is Not A Favorite Moment but the nymphs helping him out was 
  • Percy making his Official Decision to go home for the school year only after Annabeth reveals that he actually did talk her into trying again with her family 
  • I didn’t mean to write out a summary of the whole damn book it’s six am listen I’m just feeling nostalgia for the original series in this chili’s tonight 
  • whoops

◆ ◆   (   AN  ASSORTED  SENTENCE  STARTER  PACK. 

  • Of course it hurts, it’s a spanking. How else would it work?
  • The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.
  • If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn’t be so anxious. ❞
  • I am the excuse you give when you cannot follow the rules.
  • You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!
  • I’m about as intimidating as a butterfly.
  • You and what army could possibly rescue her from my clutches?
  • You look better in my clothes than I do. ❞ 
  • We’re searching for things we should be running from.
  • When it’s cold, I’d like to die.
  • The world is full of unrequited love.
  • Maybe love and pain are synonyms.
  • I would rather be strong at heart than strong at mind.
  • We are all just dead air.
  • Now you got us whammied with the curse of squirmy death..
  • If it doesn’t sweat, jiggle, or pant, it’s not alive.
  • I love glitter, I’m not a quitter.
  • I have never met anyone who didn’t like gargoyles.
  • People who always arrive early aren’t worth waiting for.
  • Look up, always. Look back, never.
  • In order to do the unthinkable, do not think about it.
  • Funny how you’re dead, people starting listening.
  • I can’t save you unless you save me, too..
  • Well, if there’s anything worse than a whore it’s a bore.
  • Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode.
  • Everything’s just fucking Disney with you.
  • I think you’re maybe reaching for something that doesn’t exist.
  • I’m so scared of commitment that I even hate stickers!
  • Kindness, motherfucker, kindness.
  • I haven’t even caught your name or your number.
  • Oh, the dilemmas of a teenage psychic. ❞
  • Party at in my mind, you’re place sucks.
  • You want to kiss me, don’t you?
  • You could have had anything else in the world, and you asked for me.
  • Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.
  • I’m beginning to think I should make that the title of my autobiography.
  • Another thing I don’t want on my tombstone.
  • I’m going to try not to make an ass of myself.
  • You’re on fire. You do know that don’t you?
  • If you answered no, please exit the building.
  • You’re still mad, I can feel it through the phone. ❞
  • If I had a dollar for every time you said that, I would be rich.
  • Murder is all around me, striking everyone except me.
  • Give me one good reason why I should believe you. ❞
  • Since when does that mean you have to kiss my ass? ❞
  • I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a fully loaded weapon next to you round the clock.
  • I think it’s time you flipped this little scenario in your head.
  • The road to Hell is paid with good intentions.
  • Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.
  • I will look for powdered donuts in the wilderness.
  • Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective.
  • I don’t know how to tell you what I feel.
  • I think the word for how you usually are is ‘reckless’.
  • Gratitude builds a bridge to abundance.
  • Scars are just another kind of memory.

  —  —  —  BUZZFEED UNSOLVED SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  strap in ‘cause this one is rough.  ’
‘  it’s– it’s yucky.  ’
‘  i’m aware of some details of this and it’s– it’s yucky.  ’
‘  i’m not a gambling man, but i don’t really like those odds.  ’
‘  we could conceivably run into this guy taking a dump in the woods or something.  ’
‘  are you fucking out of your mind?  ’
‘  i’m starting to think you want to die.  ’
‘  you turned a corner on that one pretty quick.  ’
‘  oh my god, it’s fucking horrifying.  ’
‘  there’s an elk, though. there’s a deer over there.  ’
‘  here’s the remains and rubble of one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of all time and you’re looking at the fucking deer in the forrest.  ’
‘  maybe they were in there telling ghost stories.  ’
‘  that’s not what pillow talk is, i don’t think.  ’
‘  pillow talk could either mean something you do after sex or it could mean what’s like sleepover talk.  ’
‘  do you tell ghost stories after sex?  ’
‘  all very effective for– for murder.  ’
‘  they stabbed him so hard that the knife bent.  ’
‘  you would think that there’d be at least one witness.  ’
‘  you see someone running through the forrest covered in blood, you’re probably not gonna bat an eye.  ’
‘  that’s not how the forrest works.  ’
‘  excuse me, sir. why are you covered in blood?  ’
‘  i’m glad to know that you would be the worst crime scene witness of all time.  ’
‘  oh, you were phrasing it in a dramatic way.  ’
‘  what is it about killers– that they want to be caught so badly… or like they want to get as close to being caught without being caught?  ’
‘  i can’t put my mind into the mind of a criminal.  ’
‘  i can put my mind into the mind of a criminal.  ’
‘  some of them must be friends, others would like to plunge knives into each other.  ’
‘  i can imagine one friend of yours murdering you.  ’
‘  i’m pretty sure there was a coverup by the police department.  ’
‘  70′s and 80′s police were always just like, ‘oh, you murdered someone? you got forty bucks?’  ’
‘  great! what else do you want?! i murdered people for you! and now… what?  ’
‘  oh, so i’m the psycho cause i murdered for you!?  ’
‘  what, the police were just writing fan fiction?  ’
‘  this is just baffling to me.  ’
‘  i guess that’s their job, but can you imagine how much goddamn paperwork is involved in that? so much!  ’
‘  i’m pretty sure we’re being watched, so i kind of wanna leave, to be honest.  ’
‘  i’ve had enough of this place and i haven’t even been here that long. i hate this place.  ’
‘  this boogeyman is very thorough.  ’
‘  i guess we’re lucky he got lazy.  ’
‘  the greatest safety precautions of our time are written in blood.  ’
‘  i think they’re tired of this ongoing saga that never ends.  ’
‘  you know, i actually disagree with that last sentiment.  ’
‘  this is like straight-up end of days shit going on.  ’
‘  this could’ve been the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, in my mind.  ’
‘  i’ve daydreamed about having an amazing bunker that has satellite tv.   ’
‘  ‘bad advil’ sounds like a shitty indie band.  ’
‘  the wild west was the 80′s.  ’
‘  in the 80′s you could walk in a store, pocket a soda, punch a guy in the face, and then be like ‘see ya later. fuck you!’ cops wouldn’t get to your door for weeks.  ’
‘  he had books that were just titled ‘how to crime’? if he had a book called ‘how to crime’ then there’s your guy.  ’
‘  oh, yeah… nah, i’m good. eh, bit of a reach.  ’
‘  some old lady in florida bought the unabomber’s typewriter?  ’
‘  maybe this guy was really in the dog house and was just desperate for any kind of turn of affection from her so he thought, ‘i know that i’ll do! i’ll write the fbi!’  ’
‘  no, i didn’t– what, is there anything to suggest that i would chase my mom with an axe?  ’
‘  i think you wear a mask sometimes.  ’
‘  maybe you should keep digging and see what happens.  ’
‘  these are two messed up weirdos who have found each other and it’s almost a shockingly beautiful love story.  ’
‘  i don’t get it. i just wanna talk about my work and everyone just keeps seeming to bring up all my past of all the shitty stuff i’ve done.  ’
‘  ugh, this guy’s gross.  ’
‘  it must’ve been fun to be a criminal in the 80′s.  ’
‘  everything before the 80′s – just lawless.  ’
‘  get your sunglasses ready because this one is packed full of bright stars.  ’
‘  i’m good to go. i’m always ready, baby!  ’
‘  it came true so she was actually warranted in all these fears.  ’
‘  this would be like if you were eaten by a shark.  ’
‘  i thought for a second we were talking about things that are actually scary.  ’
‘  i’m gonna let this slide because i know you’re just trying to get a rise out of me.  ’
‘  does that man have a magical penis or something?  ’
‘  you think the only reason someone would go back to someone is because they have a magical penis?  ’
‘  i feel like divorce is probably a lot of work.  ’
‘  do you not know how love works?  ’
‘  maybe i don’t know how love works.  ’
‘  i have a hard time imagining someone going gaga over christopher walken.  ’
‘  i bet when you get in a room with christopher walken, he commands the space.  ’
‘  i brought some cocktail weenies.  ’
‘  one of my greatest fears is that someone will trick me into doing heroin.  ’
‘  that’s the dumbest fear i’ve ever heard in my life.  ’
‘  how many situations can you be in that would put you up to that potential danger?  ’
‘  how many parties are you going to where heroin’s involved? it seems like a lot.  ’
‘  it’s the fear that someone would come up to me on the street and put heroin in me and then i’m hooked forever.  ’
‘  here’s what must’ve happened… these forty things, in succession.  ’
‘  what are you trying to do, fuck my wife?  ’
‘  why would he make this up?  ’
‘  he– he was just trying to fuck someones wife.  ’
‘  i can’t imagine murdering someone even when drunk.  ’
‘  when you drink you can imagine murdering someone?!  ’
‘  i ate a pumpkin once when i was drunk… i just took a bite out of a pumpkin.  ’
‘  that’s a rational fear!  ’
‘  that is not a rational fear!  ’
‘  these are the musings of a paranoid man.  ’

~College!au Pen Pal Jungkook~ PART TWELVE

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 11] [part 13] [part 14:END]

Originally posted by jkguks

“Oh, Jungkook! Hey!” You gave a weak smile and waved your hand. You then noticed Y/F/N standing behind him, an amused look on her face. Of course she was here.

Giving a confused wave back, he asked again, “Did you want to tell me something?”

Jimin nudged you with his elbow while Taehyung looked at you with side eyes, signaling you to speak. Shaking your head, you chuckled, “Nope.”

“You sure? I thought I heard you say–”

“Kookie, she said no. Can we go now, please?” Y/F/N whined, tugging at Jungkook’s long sleeved shirt. You remembered that shirt. That was the shirt he wore when you two got pizza one night on a quest to find his pen pal. You were both laughing at something silly and he ended up with lemonade all over it. You mentally shook your head at the wrong timing for remembering a nice memory.

“Y/F/N,” Jungkook sighed. Raising an eyebrow in curiosity, you were no longer frowning. He seemed annoyed. 

“Well? Tell him Y/N, you don’t have anything to say,” Y/F/N gestured you to continue. 

Just as you were about to speak, Jimin interjected. “And if I remember, it was Jungkook asking the question, not you, bitch.” 

You gaped at what Jimin said while Jungkook shouted, “Hyung!”

You looked at Y/F/N who was red in the face and staring straight at you. Don’t you dare, she spoke with her beady eyes.

“Go on, Y/N, tell him,” Taehyung urged, pushing you froward towards Jungkook. He adjusted the beanie on his head, looking between the three of you, confused as hell. 

“Tell me what?”

You looked down and Jimin sighed. If you weren’t going to tell him, he was. “That that girl over there? Yeah, she isn’t your pen pal!”

Jungkook flicked his eyes toward Y/F/N, who placed a hand on her heart as if accused of murder. 

“How can you say that? She is.”

“Really, and when was the last time you actually texted her through the pen pal email, hm?”

“Not since I got her number but–”

“Try it, then. Text her. See if Y/F/N’s phone dings,” Taehyung crossed his arms, staring at the phone in Jungkook’s hand. Boys, what are you doing, you thought.

“Why would I need to prove that? She knows me like my pen pal knows me.”

“But does she act the same way? Certain obvious compatible aspects of your pen pal, she might act like. But really, if you met her without knowing she was your pen pal, would you believe that? I don’t think so. And I don’t think you do either. There’s something off about her, right? She’s too…forced.” Jimin gazed over at you. You were fiddling with your fingers avoiding eye contact with Jungkook.

“What are you saying?”

“That she’s not your pen pal! She’s not the girl you’ve grown to like so much!” Taehyung sighed, exasperated. “Just text her.”

Jungkook began to unlock his phone, eyes flickering to you. What did you have to do with all of this? Was it because Y/F/N was your friend?

He typed a simple message and heard the send sound from his phone. Closing your eyes in anticipation, you waited.

Then, your phone dinged.

All eyes were on you and you slowly reached into your back pocket. Turning on the phone the name, ‘Jungkookieeeee’ was seen with his message underneath. It was a simple question mark. 

Looking back up at Jungkook, you could only say two words, “I’m sorry,” and rushed out like your life depended on it. Why were you so cowardly sometimes? Why did you always run away from your problems in hopes of them never following you?


Jungkook watched as you shoved past him, his hand nearly grabbing your wrist but you slipped away. His heart shattered.

“There. Now you know,” Jimin said. 

“I’m gonna go find Y/N,” Taehyung spoke, softly, and swiftly left the library.

“It was Y/N?” Was the first thing to exit Jungkook’s mouth. Then it struck him as if it were obvious. Both you and his pen pal understood him in ways nobody else has. When others would make fun, you’d comfort. Sure, Y/F/N had that sarcastic nature that his pen pal had, a quite forced one, but she was no you.

You did it without even trying. You were witty and never failed to make him laugh, even while he was in distress. Then he realized, once he let you go, he didn’t do much laughing anymore. Most of the laughs he shared with Y/F/N were fake and forced, almost like he wanted them to be true since she was his pen pal after all. 

“It was this whole time,” Jimin confirmed. Then Jungkook became angry. Turning to Y/F/N who looked terrified, he fumed “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Kookie,” She pleaded, reaching for his hand, which he yanked back. 

“No. How could you do that to not only me, but Y/N, your own friend?”

“How could you be defending her right now!? Either way she lied to you!”

“And you think if she told me the truth when she was ready that I wouldn’t accept it? That no matter what, I would hate her? I know Y/N. I’ve known Y/N for months. I know every habit, every small detail she probably doesn’t know about herself. And you think I’d let that–her–go because she failed to give me information? Sure, I wanted it bad as hell, but there’s two of us. She wasn’t ready and if I got mad, I would be being selfish. I have no right to be angry when she was uncomfortable with me knowing who she was. And here I am, in loss of one of my best friends. Hell, I was in love with her!”

It was then, Jungkook realized, just how much he cared for you. Not only in a way of a best friend. No, he cared about you a lot more than that. He used to want nothing more than for you to be in his arms. He wanted to be the reason you were smiling and laughing. 

And now he’s done the opposite. He pushed you away and caused you so much pain and loneliness. Oh, how much he wanted to go back to that first night when you were cuddled on your bed in your dorm room, unaffected to what was going on this moment. He wanted to hold you tighter than he ever did, bury his head in your neck, and never let go.

“You–you were?”

Nodding his head, Jungkook continued, “I was starting to even forget about my pen pal. I just used her as an excuse to hang out with Y/N. I don’t think you understand what you ripped from me. I betrayed her. She wanted to explain but it was because of you she couldn’t. She was so terrified of what you could do, what lies you would tell me, that she stayed quiet and allowed her to be used. She was suffering and it was all because of me,” Jungkook let out a breath of air.

“Even after lying to you, you’d still run back to her?” Y/F/N muttered.

“In a heartbeat.”

“I–I’m sorry. For everything.” 

“A simple sorry isn’t going to cut it for you. I don’t even know who you are. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to find my girl.”


WOWOWO THREE UPDATES?! LOOK AT ME GO! HEY HEYYYY

Part 13???👀(now that you’ll have to wait until possibly tmm forrrr)

3

So i saw this ask lurking deep inside my inbox while i was trying to clean it, and i was like, why not!

lets make a guest update by @spooksmoose !


THEN THE SECOND PAGE HAPPENED AND WE DID NOT PLAN THAT ONE WHAT THE FUCK CONTAIN YOUR MURDER LOLI MAN EDGE WASNT SUPPOSED TO DIE YET YOU MONKEYFACE ))

-azen