you are the real thing oh my god

anonymous asked:

ok but can you imagine harry being on tour and you being so frustrated that you send him videos of you using a toy. he gets it while he's in bed, and he is immediately hard after watching your tits bounce up and down, and hearing you moan his name while you ride it. he gets just as frustrated as you were that he has to call you so you can talk him through touching himself. "Wish ya can feel how hard m' cock is for yeh, love. Wish I can give yeh the real thing instead o' a lousy toy." IM SORRY

OH MY GOD NO YOU’RE NOT. YOU WOULDN’T HAVE SENT THIS IF YOU WERE SORRY. BUT NOW I’M A FUCKING MESS SO THANKS A LOT JFC.

Writing advice you're not going to like.

People sometimes send me Asks wanting writing advice.  I suck at it.  I don’t really know how I do the writing, or how one should do the writing, or what one should do to get better at the writing.  All I can ever think to say is “write a lot of stuff and you will get better at the writing.”  Which is true, but hardly a bolt from the sky.

Well, as it turns out, I do have one piece of Legit Writing Advice, and I am going to share it with you, right now.  If you were in any of my writing workshop groups at a con, you’ve heard this advice already.

Warning: you’re going to fucking hate it.  But if you do it, you will thank me.

If you have a piece of fiction you’re serious about, something you might want to actually shop around, or just something you really are into and want to make it as good as you can…do NOT edit it.

Repeat.  DO NOT EDIT.

REWRITE.

As in, print out the whole fucking thing and re-enter it, every word (or use two screens).  Retype the whole thing.  Recreate it from the ground up using your first draft as a template.  Start with a blank page and re-enter every. single. word.

I hear you screaming.  OH MY GOD THAT’S INSANE.

Yes.  Yes, it is.

It is also the most powerful thing you will ever do for a piece of fiction that you are serious about.

Now, let’s get real.  I don’t do this for most things.  I don’t do it for my fanfiction.  But if it’s something original, something I might like to get to a professional level - I do it.  You absolutely COULD do it for fanfiction.  It’s just up to you and how much time you want to sink into a piece.

You can edit, sure.  But you WILL NOT get down to the level of change that needs to happen in a second draft.  You will let things slide.  Your eyes will miss things.  You will say “eh, good enough.”

The first time I did this, on someone else’s advice, I was dubious.  Within two pages, I was saying WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN DOING THIS ALL THE TIME.  I was amazed at how much change was happening.  By the time I got to the end, I had an entirely different novel than the one I’d started with.  When you’re already re-entering every single word, it’s easy to make deep changes.  You’ll reformat sentences, you’ll switch phrases around, you’ll massage your word choice.  You’ll discover whole paragraphs that don’t need to be there at all because they became redundant.  You’ll find dialogue exchanges that need reimagining.  Whole plot points will suddenly be different, whole story arcs will reveal their flaws and get re-drawn.

You cannot get down to the fundamental level of change that’s required just by editing an existing document.  You have to rebuild it if you really want your story to evolve.  You will be AMAZED at the difference it will make.

It will take time.  It will seem like a huge, Herculean task.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  It isn’t.  But it is absolutely revolutionary.

Try it.  I promise, you will see what I mean.

*PSA: Tipsy!Lori wrote this post.  In case you couldn’t tell.

Some of the best things I’ve heard in Heathers rehearsal so far:

  • “Oh no! My shirt, where’d it go?” followed by really slow and awkward finger guns
  • “Free pizza, and we don’t even have to buy it a pussy!”
  • “Those stupid tree thumpers”
  • *dramatically pirouettes and leaps in* “BIG SWORDFIGHT IN HER MOUTHHH”
  • “Aww that seems like a relationship that would last.” “Yeah until one of them blows up” “I guess you could say their love is….. explosive”
  • *Our choreographer screaming like one of those sheep used in parodies back in vintage youtube days whenever she gets frustrated or needs to get people’s attention.*
  • “So you’re going to do a Jesus lift” “A WHAT” “Just put your arms out and they’ll lift you like you’re Jesus resurrecting from the cross”
  • “Welcome to Newsies on steroids.”
  • “Be the closeted gay we all need.”
  • “The first step to any good plan is murder.”
  • “How much bitch is enough bitch though?”
  • “Imagine having to explain to someone like ““oh how’d you break your tailbone?” ““Oh I booty-popped too hard.”” 
  • “When we go off to makeover Veronica, can she still have the monocle, but, hear me out, it’s now bedazzled.”
  • “I have to check the historical accuracy of bedazzling in the ‘80s.”
  • “Okay, but what if we made it gay?”
  • “COSTUME NOTE: SOMEONE MAKE RAM PARTY SLIPPERS!” “What if they’re like bunny slippers, but with tiny party hats?!”
  • “This is Ram, he’s not very nice, but somehow my best friend still wants to fuck him.”
  • “Your whole bio better be about how much you love and respect women or else I can’t help you when your ass is being kicked.”
  • “I paired you guys together because you say he’s your sort of boyfriend later.” *Kurt proceeds to emark in various sexual dance endeavors with multiple other women* “That’s where the sort of comes into play….”
  • “SHUT UP HEATHER” *bursts out crying*
  • Our original Chandler dropped out so our original Duke got promoted to her role and just looks at me and says “Oh my god this is the most Heather Duke thing that has ever happened to me”
  • “That’s a school cheer?!?!”
  • “Real question: WHO HAS A FUCKING LOCK ON THEIR CLOSET?”
  • “What if when she makes you spit up the pills, your wig flies off?” “Oh no you’ve discovered the real reason behind my crisis, I AM NOT A NATURAL BLONDE”
  • “Maybe he should take up knitting or something as a hobby rather than therapedic murder.”
  • “The saddest thing is that’s not even 3rd base”
  • “Veronica, you’re soaking wet!” *cue our assistant stage manager loosing her shit*
  • “My character description is just internal screaming.”
  • “Who needs a dance partner when you have weed?”
  • “I feel bad having to ask but was that supposed to be a dick joke?”
  • “Do I get extra points if one of the pills hits someone in the face?”
  • “I can’t remember the lyrics but I’m pretty sure I’m still gay”
  • “Why didn’t they just throw the bomb and run or something, like why are they so determined to die?” 
  • *recites Blue Reprise as demonic slam poetry because we didn’t have rehearsal tracks yet*  
  • “Veronica, it’s not a phase. I’m just naturally a slightly psychotic bag of angst with great hair.”
  • *music director teaching us Blue* ”They’ll curl up on your face. And purr like-” *slowly looks up from music and proceeds to put his head in his hands* “There’s moments that I evaluate my life and this is definitely one of them.”

And we’re still about 3 weeks from tech week

anonymous asked:

Which Austen book/movie do you think had the most sexual tension?

Persuasion, hands down.

Think about it: every other novel depends wholly upon the uncertainty of the heroine being unaware of the hero’s romantic interest for some portion of the novel, with misunderstandings and difficulties largely brought on by the structure of Proper Courtship where it was generally considered inappropriate for either party to display too much obvious inclination until a proposal was actually made. (Marianne’s quick and clear affection for Willoughby makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Fanny Price is commended for her placid response to Henry Crawford’s flirtations. Elizabeth Bennet doesn’t even begin to remotely consider Darcy as a marital prospect until after he’s proposed and been rejected with some of the sickest burns ever committed to the page.)

But Persuasion. Ah, Persuasion. Anne has already previously accepted and then rejected Wentworth before the novel even starts. The whole book already exists at the level of tension we see reached when Lizzy runs into Darcy unexpectedly on her visit to Pemberley. That’s the whole book.

And it gets better.

Anne didn’t reject Wentworth because she couldn’t fuckin’ stand him, the way Elizabeth chewed off Darcy’s ear for being a dillhole to Jane and (she thinks) to Wickham. Anne loved Wentworth, and he loved her. They were devoted to each other. It’s the fact that she broke off the engagement despite this that rankles, for both of them. The attraction was there. It was acknowledged. It was allowed to burn wild and bright for that brief, delicious time before Lady Russell’s doubts and concerns seized hold of Anne and persuaded her to wreck his happiness, and her own. No, they were both fully aware of how much they wanted each other, and they were like “yeah, let’s get married, it’ll be great, I love you so much, oh God you’re so attractive, you’re amazing, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you’re everything I could ever want.”

It was real and undeniable. They cannot unsay any of it. And then it was over.

[SAD TROMBONE]

And that’s just the backstory.

So despite Wentworth being hella difficult for Anne to read, and her own shattered expectations and self-esteem leading her to believe that of course he’s over her and totally into Louisa Musgrove, why wouldn’t he be, she’s young and cute and so many things Anne is not…we still get to watch Anne burn for this man after eight years apart and know that that’s a fire that’s never going to go out for the rest of her life, if time and distance and hopelessness and even the attentions of other charming young men in Captain Benwick and Mr. Elliott haven’t managed to put out those flames.

And on the re-read we can pick up on every look and cue from Wentworth which we then know to be signs of the fact that he is as helplessly lost to his desire for this person as he was nearly a decade earlier. He wants to believe otherwise and tries to act as if it is–and in a classic case of over-compensation gives rise to hopes and expectations from Louisa Musgrove which then very nearly lock him into an attachment which would surely divide him from Anne forever. And even when he feels himself safe from that, he confronts the possibility of Anne being taken by a rival in Mr. Elliott, and can only watch, rather than give a clear sign of his intent. After all the time that has passed, he is now in the position Anne was in at the beginning of the book, and must painfully struggle to weigh his own doubts against his desires. The no-liking-each-other-too-much-until-you-pop-the-question courtship rules still apply, and an open and happy flirtation at this point is not in their natures as individuals–they’re older than most other heroes and all other heroines. They know the risks. They’ve seen happiness slip away, before, and wonder if it is lost forever. Their emotional stakes are higher. He cannot bear to ask again, face to face.

The misery. The agony. The helpless and resentful eyefucking. That LETTER.

I͚̞̖ ̗̮͈̰̬͇͙c̺̗̮a̗̗̤̜ṉ̯ ̦͔̞̫̟l̯͎͇i̮̱͓̹̭̝͍̥s͓̣̱͎͉̙̻̱̩t͖̠e̼͍̻̣̼n̪̜̮̟̖ ̼̣̼̱̩n̬̳o̩̱̪̟͚̟̲ ̪̺̺l̗̦o͉̝̺̳̤̺̬̻ͅn̗̤̦̥̥͔g̗̰e̜r͎̙̲͚̥̫͇̰ ̜̻͎͈i̘̻̲̫͖̘̫n̩̳̻̮̳̪ ̖̳̳̬̭s̩i̹̩̗̻̘l̹͚e͈̮͖͚͈̫n͔̣̰̯̝̠̤̝c͚͍̙͈̱͉̗͇e̤̭̯̳̹̳.̘̖̫̩̭̻̤͖̱ ̳̞I͓̞̣ ̦̗̼͙͙͎̗͚m͚͙͖̜̜u͈̱̦̩s͓̰͚͎t̼͕̬͈̗̫ ̝͉͕̯̣͈ͅs͖̼͓̤͎͚̮p̲͇̮͓̩e͍̦̹͉͕̠͎̠a̻͎̝̭̜k͉̫̭̣ ̫̣̲̜͙͉̳t̺͚͔̜̗o̫͓̩̝ ̯̻̙̱y͕̳̘̺͎̞o͍̮u̲̭̙̦ ̺̦͎̬̦̣̤

b̩̹͖y̦̝͙̣̮̦̫ ̼̪s̜̜̼͓̝̣͉̺ṵ̼̦̪c͕̝̝h̝̞͈̻̺̩̼̬̩ ͕̺̟͓ͅm͖͈̣̰͍̫̦e̫͕͇̗̳̩̣̠a̬͕̭͕ͅn̖ͅs̲͕͉̙̥͉̠͙ͅ ̤̳̞̖̼̥̰a̗̗̹̰̳̟̙s̭̭͍̦͎͙ͅ ͇̭̰a̱̩͈r͍̦̟̣͚͙̱e̠̟̬̮ ̘w͔̩͈̩̠̮̭̘i̳̻̯͙̦̼t͇̖̹̙̩h͎̣͎̖̩̬̥̪̦i̙n͚̫͈̗̘ ̱̺m̯̜̬͈y̹̟̝̱̼̝̰̘ ̖̞̪̪̦̭r̮̝̙̻̣̯e̳̮̦͚̞̣a̱̞c̠̞̝͎̥̯͚͍ḥ͎̟̯.͎̪̬̟̻̥͉̦͙
̭̭͕̲̫̖̜
͙̰̬͓̪̹͈ͅY̰̯̟̜͎̼̳͖̱o̘̜̞̣̭̥u̩͎̰̣̤̻͚͙ ̫̲̻̲̜͈p̱̹̯i͎e͈̣̩̠̲̖r̳͉̺c̩͔͉̩̤̥͉̲e͎̗ ̞̠̮̲̝̠̤̜m̯̙̹̖̗̺y̤̺͙̼̮ ̮s͇͔͔̦̮̤o̯͖̥̭͓͍̤ͅu͔̥̩̯̻̖̙̲l̟͎.̤͕ ̰̼̘I̭̝̫ ͚̠̝̜a̮̮̘m̝̖͖̫͙͖̟ ͔̳̯̟̺h̗͖̩̬̟̱͓a̺̳͔̲͈l̙̺̙͓̞f͍̠ ̠̞̘̮̩a̲̝̬̟g̪͖̲͙o̩͚n̩̞̹y̗̖͔̪̮͚̹̻,̖̩̬̗̣͇̺̹ ̥̙͇̜͓̙̠̰͎h͕̮̪͕ạ͙̰̠͓l͚͙͚̤͇̮f͉̰̝͈̳͍̖ ̭̘ḥ̞o̗̲͎̩̜̙p̭e͖̮̼̱ͅ.̻̳ ̙̣͍͍̦̩̼͓̯

T̻̣̖̼͍͉̝e̳̮̯̘̜͖l̪̰l͕͕ ̼͈͉̻̙̗̰̬m̟̬̙̫ͅḙ̬̰̲̦̮̜ ̣̲̘n̺̰̦̟͍͔̫o͙̬͓̗̫̻̻̱t̻̘̰̜̖̦̜͈ ͖͇̜͚̣͍t̳̞̼h̗̹͓̮̖̲̟͕a̫̞̖̣̳̩ͅt͈͚̩ ̝̤̗̲̭̫̭I̪͙͙ͅ ̝̜̭͚̙̞a͉̹͖̫͔̪̮m̯̘͇̪ͅ ̳͍̩t̠͈̻͚̩͇͚o̩̭o̘̦̝̙ ̰̬̠͓̠͚̙̹̹l͚͕͍a̰͎t̖̭̥ẹ͈̝,̩̲͓̖̘͇͎ ̻̲̬̲ț͔͎̹̪͍h̘͔̙̝a͇t̫͎͙͖ ̬̩͇̫̮s͖͉̘̙u͔̹͚c͕̣̝͙͍h͖̤̲̱̟ͅ ̖̺͔̠̰̬p͈̤͔̖̯ṛe͚͙̯̖c̝͔͙͉i̻o̖͙̠u̜̬̦̹̻̫ͅș̝̪̹̝̦̩̼ͅ ̦̥͉̞͉͚̗f͇̪e̝̰̠̝ẹ̹͔͉̟̤l̻͖͔̜͇̝ͅi̟̘͎̦͈̞̱n̲̮̤̤͉͈̬g̱͓͖͕̣̯͚͙s̱ ̩̯̲̪͕̩a̪̠͓͈̩ͅr͓͚e͍͇͖ ̹g̳̖͎͙͉͇͎̯o͓n̘̜͈̫e̲̥̥̞͖̩ͅ ̭̺f͓̺̮͈͚̼̲o̼̝r͖̰̩̞̺̼̮̰̪ ̗̮e̼̬̹̳͕̼̤v̲̝e͙̤͎ṟ̙̘̱.͕̞̥͙̝
̘̭̪͙̙̥̲̗
̰̺̮̗̳̭̹I̺̼͎͕ ̳̖̘͇͚̦̳͉o̞̥̥̞̘̗̗f̜̱̞͔͕̹͙f̟̹̖̺e̲̬͉̥r̲͚̣̘̪͓̫̳̹ ̙͚͍̘͍̘̦m̪̫͔̼̙͔̯͕y͎̖̯͇s̞e̺̣͓̻̗͎̹͇̻l̙̣̮͈f͖̩̫̱̤͙̘ ̝̩̥͖̞̜͉̻͎t͇̳͈̳o̙̜̳͎̣ ͕̤̣y̱̞̦͈̳̥o͚u̦̭̥͔ ͈̹̗̮a̠̺͓͕͖g̤͇̟͍a͚̱͉̯̬͍̘i͚̣̣̻̥n̞͍̜̗̝͓ ̤̠̹̪̳͉̪͓w̼̭̠̭̝i͖̭t͎͕̮̭ẖ̟̱ ͉̩a̗͇̪ͅ ̩̥̺̱̱̦h̺̝͕͓̠e͈̜̮̪a͚̦̦͇͔̗͙̝͈r͖͔̜̠̰̥t̬̥̻̭͕̬ ̦͇̠͎̱͓͎e̥̙̠̥̼̩͎̘͍v̩͙e͎̭̺̫̥n͍͚̙̺̼ ̘̰̱m̗̲̯̞͇o̝͈͓̰͇r̹̤̞̙͕e͙͍̦̦̦ͅ ̱͔͇̩͓y̻̖͚̱̼ͅo̜̯̗u̦̲̦͎̙̬̭r̼̲̗̟̯̟̱͓ ̗͖o̜͍̤̩͓̲̬ͅw͈̳͎̩̪̤͓͍͎n͖͍͈͔̪͖͔ ͇̳͔̫̮͙̭͕

t̤͕h̲̲̩̱a̪͚͚̞͈͈͉ͅṇ̝̪̞̰̦͎ ͍̺̼̳̦̜w̝̹̖h͉̥̟̝e̮̞͇͕̩͉̰̮n̘͓̜͙ ̙ͅy͕̗͇͎͙͉̹̻o̖͈͈ͅu̺̱͈ ̮̥͍͍͓a̝̮̱l̥̩̤̹m͖̻o̻͚̯s͚͎̳̻͙t̟̹ ̱̹̤̝̞ͅb̰͍̺̜ͅr̤̙͍̹̯͎̻o̥͚͇̻k̹e̟͍̪͎͖ ̱̝̭̥̠i̠̝̬̙̲̤t͇͚̺̯̣̮̜͚ͅ,̙̣̭͓̭̮ͅ ̗̰̞̳͕͔e̦̱̹i̺̙̰͕̲͓̜ͅg̖̯͈͇͔̣h̻̻̺̼͉͍͇̞t̠̝̦̮̟͈ ̤̩̦̻̥y͕̼e̺͉͖a̭r͎̜̻̯͖s̺ ̰͔a͚̗̰̞̺̣n͕̳̜̲̰̱̮ͅd̮ ̲̳͉̙̲̙a͖̞͕͍̗ ̝̲͖̖h͈͈̮͉̯̱̪a̺̖̼̘̯̳͕̼̩ḻ͚̩̰̪̻̞͙f̺̫̻̬͓̩͇̜ ̖̮a͎̯̣͍̻̲̺g̞͖̹̭̻͓̻̥ͅo̺̲̯͔̪̹͖̭.̭͓̮̖
̞̞̜̩̮̖
͚͍̮̟D̹̺̺͚͎͈a̱̫͕͕̩̞r̭̟̖̤͍̘e̫̞̞͉̖̮̳̣ ̼̱̜ͅn͙o͇̮̰̫̠̺t͕̱̜͎ ̟͕̩̼̙s̹a͖͉y͓̣ ͕̩̠̗t̟͈͍͚h͕͕͖̣̟a̤̹̯̗̪͕t̮̳͓ ͎̳̰̳̙̹͙ṃ̟͕̟ͅa̪̩n̥̲͇̺̞̖̰̫ ̫̖̯̜̼͖͖̼f̟̮̪̖̞o̯͉̝͚r̺̭̞͕g͕̹̤̖̣̤e͖̦̜̘t̺̮s̳̯̳̻̘̟ͅ ̻̜̻̱͉s͍͙̟͇̜̦̬͍o̬̪͔̟o̖̠̺͙̺̯̘͙n̼̫̥̮̬̜̞͖e̤̹͇͇̼r̬̻̰̻̻̹ͅͅ ͇̠ṭ̪̰͈̪̥͙̫h̫͕̙̞̟͍͖̺a̬̭̼̲n̹͙̮̹͚̘̞ ̜̺̤̪w͇̦͖̦͕ͅo̫̪̦͎̜̭m̜͕̹a͉͚̮̫n̪̥̣͖,̠̣ͅ ̺̺̪̠̮̘̮ͅͅ

t̫̳͎͙͎̩̹͕h̙̬̦̟̣̝̜̹a̟̠̖͍̜t̘̣͉͍̤̦̮ ͔̲̹̤̤̝̮͔̠h͖̲̲̣i̜̲͈ͅs̝̠̪̭̝̭̳ ̪̤͓̗̣̩̺l͔̺̱̼͇͕̩o͖̠͖͖v͓̫̤̲̬̳̳͔e̟̮͖̩̲̯̻ ̹͕h̼͚̠̘̺̖a̯̰s͍̹̠͔̠ͅ ̟͈̞̩̳͉̮ͅa͔̺̹̟̼̲̝̦n̳̖͕ ̣̗͍͎͇e͓͉̦̺ͅa͔̰r̠̺͖̝̗̼̼̘l̻̘͕̤̯̩̟̙i͔͚͙̠͓̥ẹ̯͙̼͙ͅr̲͈͉ ̣ḏ̲̯̟̪͇e̳͓̫̲̻͚a̯t̲̭̬̻̯̥̼̭h̠̘.͍̰ ͚͍

Ị̱̻ ̙̭͇̗̟̠͓̠h̲̳͎a͍̠̤̗̠̰̝v̙̘̖̼͖e̞̻̟̹̣̣̭ ̠̱͍̯͈l̹͇̗̣̙͈͈̩̰o͎̭̝v͈͕e̠̳̗͓͍̺ḓ͍͔̯̖̹̼ ̹̼̳͙̗̘̬n̳͕̰̻̲̰̖͉o̬͉n͚̭ͅe͚̮̯ ̺̺b̥̬̩̼̣͈̻̺͖u̫͖͖̦̪̜̠̱t̲̤͓̩ͅ ̙̮̣̜y͚͎̘̭̤̼̞̞o͔̩̭u̖̩͍̫̤͖.̠̬̞̰͍

Originally posted by kickinyoass

i’ve been getting a lot of messages lately (and unsurprisingly, considering how unrepentantly i’ve been reblogging stuff from them) from followers asking me for podcast recommendations - and i love getting those so thank you, guys! - and i thought i’d make a masterpost of what i’ve both a) finished and b) enjoyed since i’ve started bingeing them.  and, as an extra added bonus, what has canonical lgbt+ representation (since i know what you guys are into [waggles eyebrows]).

1. the bright sessions

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  this is definitely the first podcast that i’ve fallen in love with as hard as my original gateway podcast: welcome to night vale.  it’s so well-written, the characters well-drawn, the premise fascinating - atypicals, or people with some sort of special ability, in therapy - and it’s such a positive story and experience that i can’t help but feel better on days i listen to it.  it really believes in humanity and that’s such a wonderful thing in this day and age.  plus, the voice acting is killer.

2. eos 10

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  i don’t think it’s been officially confirmed that dr. dalias is, at the very least, bisexual (in fact, the official channels seem to be dancing around it, possibly so as not to spoil anything in the upcoming season), though it’s been hinted at plenty in story.  especially as i don’t know how else you can explain a supposedly “straight” male character getting called out on repeatedly thinking about a naked man during a group mind-link experience.  that aside, it is freaking hilarious.  the premise is doctors in space, one formerly drug-addicted doctor helping to stabilize a currently alcoholic one with amazing side characters including nurse jane johns and levi, a hypochondriac alien and deposed prince who seems to have a personal vendetta against wearing pants.  it’s well-acted, cleverly written and a freaking joy to listen too.  so funny and so smart, i can’t recommend it enough!

3. the penumbra podcast

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  so much queer representation it’s bananas.  this ask the creators got is actually pretty representative of their approach to the show, slyly funny and very gay.  our main character is a genderbending queer private investigator who’s lost his heart head over a sweet-smelling thief with a heart of gold and more aliases than jennifer garner, all set against a noir backdrop.  oh, and on mars.  yeah, you read all of that right.  there are a few awesome side stories as well, including a couple of horror ones (that have no effect on the main juno steel story line, so can be skipped - and the creators are VERY GOOD about warning what’s to come in the episode notes), as well as lesbian outlaws and a disabled knight.  there’s literally nothing not to love.  EXCEPT FOR HOW JUNO STEEL WON’T LET HIMSELF HAVE NICE THINGS.

4. the black tapes

hey, hi, if you’re into horror, suspense, creepery or demons, this is so very much for you.  the premise is that alex reagan, our host, begins a podcast to interview people with interesting professions.  she starts out with dr. richard strand, a paranormal investigator whose mission statement is to debunk all things paranormal.  he even has an institute that offers a one million dollar prize for proof of the paranormal, which he has never even come close to having to part with.  while alex is interviewing him, she comes across a handful of black vhs tapes: the only cases that strand hasn’t been able to definitively solve yet.  the technology to disprove these incidents simply hasn’t come far enough, in his opinion.  needless to say, she never moves on from dr. strand and the mystery of the black tapes.  each episode, alex investigates another of the black tapes and much later on realizes it’s possible that they’re all connected.  oh my god, i almost got chills just writing that, it’s so good, it’s so real, because dr. strand is such a good anchor to reality.  alex will occasionally lose her skeptic’s perspective; dr. strand does not.  and once alex starts experiencing intense insomnia, making you realize your narrator might not be so reliable?  things somehow manage to get even murkier.  i really, really adored this one.  it’s paranormal set in the most normal of normal worlds, only making it that much spookier.

5. wooden overcoats

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  okay, well, if you’ve ever watched black books?  this is kind of like black books, aka one of my all-time favorite shows.  rudyard funn is just as incapable and universally disliked as bernard black, which was all well and good when the village of piffling vale (which is very nearly a town, you know!) only had one funeral home to choose from.  unfortunately, that’s not the case anymore.  eric chapman has moved his funeral home right across the street and stolen all the business from rudyard, his embalmer (cum part-owner) and twin sister, antigone, and georgie, their assistant.  to add insult to injury, he’s charming and universally adored by everyone except those at funn funerals.  very british, very ridiculous, and very funny!  WE GET THE BODY IN THE COFFIN IN THE GROUND ON TIME.  (well, like that one time they did.  [coughs])

6. ars pardoxica

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  i listened to this one pretty slowly, for me.  it’s very much plot over character, at least in my opinion.  which is fair since there’s quite a lot of plot and set dressing to establish.  we’re following (dr.) sally grissom, a scientist from the twenty-first century who accidentally creates time travel and ends up stuck back in the 1940s.  think a bombs and eisenhower.  it was always interesting, and the paradoxes created by the time travel experiments they kept doing were fascinating (i love time travel stuff because of the paradoxes it creates) but i didn’t get really ravenous for it until season two, which is when i really felt it picked up speed.  you’ve got anthony stuck in a literal CAGE - a “blackroom” bubble set outside of time, sally trying to garden (oh god), a gang consisting of a veteran, a (former) widow and time doubles trying to bring down ODAR (the company sally used to work for, and that anthony still does) and esther sliding down the ladder of morally unsound one determined rung at a time and it makes for a REALLY grabbing audio drama, eh?

7. the strange case of starship iris

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  i’m already in love with violet liu, all right?  she’s a science officer on starship iris–well, what was starship iris.  when we first join violet, every single one of her crew mates has just died in an explosion on the pod they were traveling off ship with and the starship iris is in its last throes as well.  luckily(?) a passing ship comes along with a plan to get her to safety.  this has a real illuminae vibe to it (which is an amazing book btw) and all the characters are already so freaking likable.  it’s only on episode two and already shaping up to be a favorite!

8. the orbiting human circus (of the air)

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  if there’s a more heart-warming podcast out there, then i haven’t run across it yet.  first of all, julian koster’s voice is so vulnerable and soft that i would use myself and everyone i know and also puppies as a shield against everything terrible in the universe for him.  second, the rest of the cast - leticia especially - is just as freaking talented.  the premise is that julian is the janitor at a radio show that broadcasts from the top of the eiffel tower and has strange and impossible acts every night, from tale-telling crickets to singing saws to the orkestral, a bird that can play every orchestral instrument (except that it refuses to play the viola, because reasons).  it’s fun and cute and breaks your heart with happiness regularly and often!

9. alice isn’t dead

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  this is a horror podcast about a truck driver who is looking for her missing wife.  jasika nicole has to have one of my favorite voices around and having it be so heavily dependent on that makes me ridiculously happy.  throw in the story-telling of joseph fink, the depth and cohesiveness of his writing, and there is nothing not to love here.

10. within the wires

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  this is really sufficiently creepy considering it’s not often overtly creepy.  this is set up as a series of relaxation tapes, which progressively get more and more interested in helping the listener break out of the facility in which she’s being kept.  super chilling at times, because the voice is so calm and the action so dangerous.

11. welcome to night vale

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  okay, well, what more can be said about this at this point?  if you’re not listening to it, you’re wrong.  why wouldn’t you want to visit a town that can’t be visited and where every conspiracy theory is real and a part of everyday life?  yeah, everyone knows about the vague yet menacing government agency, steve carlsberg, you’re not hitting on anything new there.  there’s a dog park that doesn’t allow dogs, angels that are never to be identified as angels, mountains that aren’t real, a glow cloud that–ALL HAIL and a love story so complete and perfect that it can and will utterly steal your breath at times.  go, listen, inhale.

Things Said/Heard During Finals Week
  • “I’m teaching myself French in one night. It’s going great.”
  • “Want some Raisinettes?”
  • “Let my people go…”
  • “I love the book on your head.”
  • “It’s an aesthetic. The cigarettes, the Raisinettes… it’s solid.”
  • “Oh, thank god, I found a banana in my pocket.”
  • “It’s… it’s less phlegmy than that. More sensual.”
  • “That’s a fucking… bird.”
  • “REAL RECOGNIZES REAL”
  • “Oh, I’m paying for my sins. We all are.”
  • “Nothing matters any more. Do you want ice cream?”
  • “It’ll all be alright in the end. Depending on how you define ‘alright’ and how you define ‘end.’”
  • “I haven’t slept all night, I’m vibrating slightly but constantly, and I’m pretty sure I just tasted god. How are you doing?”
  • “A note to people writing last-minute papers: caps lock might seem like it’s your friend. It isn’t.”
  • “Chicago-style citations means we don’t put any ketchup on the bibliography page, right?”
  • “The good news is that GPA is actually pretty insignificant in the face of all of our inevitable deaths, so…”
  • “God, I wish I had the core strength to consider stripping as a fallback.”
  • “Lifehack: Sleep when you’re dead. We’re all dead inside already. So sleep whenever.”
  • “I haven’t seen the world outside the library in so long.”
  • “It’s like the song says, you know? There’ll be peace when you are done.”
Things my friends have said about Voltron

“STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME WATCH YOUR GAY SHOW. IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHOEVER THAT LANCE GUY IS.”

“Klance is real and the government knows it.”

“I think I’m gonna go full Keith Kogane and grow a mullet (me: if you grow a mullet I’m divorcing you) We aren’t married???”

“I can see how it’s kinda cute. (two episodes later) Oh my god I’m obsessed.”

“Lance Mclain is my actual child. I would die for him.”

“Hunk is honestly such a sweetie.”

(after finding out pidge is a girl) “My whole life is a lie.”

“Shiro is the only person with any goddamn sense.”

“Shit, that’s soo fucking gay though.”

“Lance’s hair got more character development in season two than he did.”

“yES ALLURA SLAY!”

“So anyways Pidge completely owns my entire heart and soul.”

“Lance, honey, that’s gay. You’re gay.”

“Keith is such a fucking edgelord but at the same time such a sweetheart and I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
-
27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/


/170715 ; a Temporary side note: please for the moment don’t send me requests with the numbers that have a (*). I’ve received so many requests with those, I’m starting to run out of ideas :D Thank you ! / - persuasivus

Good Things™ in The Lightning Thief cast recording
  • “yEah, the gods are real [BEAT] and they have kids [BEAT] and those kids have isSUESSSSSSS”
  • “look….. I didn’t wanna be a halfblood” (!!!)
  • “but my life? HMM
  • when grover just straight up baas and then pretends that nothing happened
  • “she threw a peanut butter sandwich at you. I blocked it, with my head”
  • “………that’s dedicated for a substitute”
  • just all the blue food references in Strong
  • “oh look, a strange man in a Hawaiian shirt”
  • “you drool when you sleep” (!!!)
  • “for me, not for you, yOU’D BE DEAD”
  • “who am I to give relationship advice I’m literally the god of alcohol”
  • “another terrible daaaaaay” “MR BRUNNER” “at camp half blood-” “YOU’RE A HORSE” “where everythiiiing’s the worst” “WHAT IS HAPPENING”
  • “I need a drink”
  • “welcome to the dysfunctional family”
  • “it’s gonna be bloody murder she wrote
  • “you know what to do.” “yup. hide in a tree!”
  • “PLANTING AND PLANTING AND PLANTING’S A PAIN”
  • grover crying in the background after he sings about pan
  • “my father is kronos…….. remember my lecture he ate he his children” …. “chiron wins”
  • everyone’s singing about how shitty their parents are and percy just starts singing about how much he loves his mum
  • actual chills as the oracle sings the prophecy
  • ALL of Good Kid
  • “I’ll be the first” “aND I’LL BE THE SECOND FIRST!!!”
  • every time Annabeth says seaweed brain
  • “demon triplet math teachers”
  • “all our food was in there all our clothes were in there aLL OUR FOOD WAS IN THERE”
  • “I don’t wanna die in the Garden State!”
  • Grover talking to the squirrel
  • “that seems kinda,, nuts” ……….. “you hurt his feelings”
  • “aww is that a chihuahua?” “IT’S A CHIMERA”
  • THE DAM JOKES
  • BIANCA DI ANGELO’S TINY CAMEO AT THE LOTUS HOTEL
  • all of The Tree on The Hill holy shit
  • “maybe doesn’t let me go back and save her”
  • “it’s there reminding me of all I failed to be”
  • “do you have any josh groban?” “we will,, eventually”
  • “who has two turntables and three sick heads??? everybody give it up for DJ CERBERUS!”
  • “plus a half-goat with a great goatee!”
  • “you’re the two best friends this screw-up’s ever had”
  • every time Mr D gets Percy’s name wrong
  • the moment in Last Day of Summer that Percy realises Luke betrayed him
  • “don’t feel bad bc I’m usually about to die”
dating peter parker would include...

dedicated to my harrison bestie anon in hopes it makes them smile :) also yes it’s really fuckin long i’m sorry i just love peter parker and have a lot of feelings

  • you actually hate to tell the story of how you two met because it’s mortifiying oh mygod
  • peter, however, loves to watch u blush about it even though it was only really embarrassing when it happened
  • taking the subway to school like every other day, you obviously had spent too many hours on the internet so u were tired as hell 
  • so tired you couldn’t grab the pole in time when the subway stopped
  • and you in an ungraceful manner, tripped, stumbled and fell
  • into his lap
  • his l a p 
  • you still get red cheeks when remember just how embarrassing it was
  • oh my god! i c-can’t believe that- i-i, i’m so so sorry- h-holy shit–
  • peter did find it extremely awkward but your mortified and blushing red face was so much more adorable 
  • n-no, it’s fine– d-do you want my seat?
  • o-oh no, it’s alright. i’d just like to crawl into a hole somewhere. sudden amnesia works too.
  • AND BOY
  • a cute girl with wit and oh my is that a nerdy shirt????
  • from them on, you had his entire heart 
  • yes i will totally be writing a full on imagine for this
  • you guys weren’t friends for long if u know what i mean 
  • like you had already face planted into his lap so you skipped most of the awkward interactions
  • you were kinda like ‘ah what the hell’ 
  • you did it while you guys were walking home together, like usual
  • hey peter, can you hold this for me?
  • yeah?” 
  • and you just grabbed his hand, grinning at him with wink 
  • cue the cutest blushing from peter 
  • peter goddamn nearly had a heart attack but couldn’t stop smiling the entire walk home 
  • he was really sad when he reached your building 
  • but then you stood on ur tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek so he wasn’t that sad
  • eventually kisses on the cheeks became kisses on the lips & it wasn’t official but you two just knew
  • let’s be real, peter is the worlds biggest dork so movie marathons are so common
  • i mean everything– star wars, back to the future, jurassic park, like man you name it 
  • and if u were a nerd too, then oH boy he would just be in a constant state of heart eyes 
  • he would be anyways but extra heart eyes if u geek out
  • c’mon pete, hurry that cute lil ass up! it’s rogue one!!
  • oh my god, please marry me right now.
  • you guys definitely try to quote movies as much as possible
  • i love you” ”i know *intense blushing* diD YOU JUST–
  • he has a such soft spot for when you guys marathon disney movies not that he tells you that
  • something about you lighting up & singing along makes him go !!!!!!! inside
  • no you two never perform disney duet songs together never ever have you done that why do u ask
  • (your favourite one to perform is hakuna matata because its a goddamn classic and peter gets so into it)
  • (breaking free from hsm is a close second because damn can peter hit those notes when he really tries)
  • peter parker is such an admirer like you dont even know
  • he could stare at you for hours and its pretty much what gets him through the day tbh
  • in fact, he has all your birthmarks and freckles committed to memory because shes so pretty i can’t deal with this
  • he blushes SO MUCH when you catch him staring
  • but lets be real, you were staring at him too
  • he blushed even more when he found that out because oh my fucking god she was staring at me do i look weird is there something on my face
  • but when you’re like no you goof, i’m admiring youu get 
  • BLUSHING STUTTERING STAMMERING PETER PARKER
  • he just never stops blushing 
  • he! would! try! so! hard! at everything 4 you
  • baking? hell yeah he’ll bake for u
  • singing? eh he’ll give it a go (but only for you)  
  • dancing? he hates it but he loves to watch u laugh and smile with him so he does it anyways (even if he sucks)
  • speaking of dancing
  • peter loves it when u dance
  • especially when you stay over and he wakes up to you dancing around the kitchen or his room 
  • his favourite is catching you off guard when you’re grooving to some 80′s song
  • babe– cutting himself off with his own laughter, i don’t think that’s dancing.
  • he loves to tease you about your funky dancing because seeing his girl blushing is like his second favourite thing
  • (the first being your smile because it completely melts his insides and everything is better when you smile at him)
  • you also love it when he’s teasing because all you have is pout and suddenly peter’s showering you in kisses 
  • peter is such a sucker for kisses
  • actually he’s such a hopeless romantic & lover of cliches like
  • constantly bringing you flowers he finds on nightly patrols? check 
  • stopping so you two can share a cutesy kiss in the rain? check 
  • dumb pick up lines that still make you laugh? check 
  • tbh you both do pickup lines
  • hey, hey y/n, are you the square root of -1? because you can’t be real 
  • are you kIDDING– NO I’M NOT BLUSHING AT YOUR DUMB PICK UP LINE GO AWAY PARKER
  • he just giggles at you from the bed
  • except when you do it, its a different story
  • hey hey hey, peter 
  • hmm?” 
  • are you related to yoda? because yodalicious.
  • peter just falls off the bed 
  • you don’t even ask if he’s alright, you just cut straight to laughing at his reaction
  • s-shut up! this isn’t because of your pick up line!! i was startled! 
  • even though he’s trying to hide his face in a pillow, you can see his pink cheeks
  • sure, peter, sure. 
  • aunt may is both a blessing and a curse to both of you 
  • because she spills BOTH OF YOUR SECRETS
  • like you can’t ramble to her about peter because she will tell him everything
  • with you in the same room 
  • oh peter, you’re wearing that shirt? i know y/n loves it, she was talking just the other day about how she find it so hot– 
  • “MAY HE DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW”
  • peter secretly really wants to know what you said about him 
  • but aunt may does it to peter too and he hates it
  • “seriously y/n, you should hear the things he says about you, i swear he’s turned into some lovesick–”
  • “nO MAY SHH YOU CAN STOP NOW”
  • makeout sessions ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • you both l o v e them 
  • funnily enough, peter is the one who usually starts them 
  • hey y/n, you’ve got something on your face, let me just– *kisses you all over you face*
  • because he’s more than ahead in his classes, ‘study dates’ really means makeout not that you mind though  
  • peter loves kisses everywhere
  • forehead kisses
  • nose kisses
  • shoulder kisses
  • eyelid kisses
  • back of the hand kisses
  • all the kisses
  • his absolute favourite kiss is the one he receives from you in the morning when you’ve stayed over
  • he’ll play with your hair softly and you’ll yawn & stretch and catch him gazing at you 
  • and you just smile and lean up and kiss him 
  • it never fails to make peters heart stop and when you pull away he just goes nooooooooooooo and pouts till you kiss him again 
  • it’s especially hard when you have to leave or part ways after school because peter turns into a needy lil boy
  • one more kiss! one more! 
  • peter you’ve said that seven times now!! 
  • you literally have to push his away, giggling and grinning, because otherwise he’s going to be late 
  • i swear to god parker, it’s only one class! 
  • and of course you know about him being spidey
  • you actually found out by accident 
  • you were searching thru his closest for something to wear when you stumbled across it 
  • tbh you thought it was a really dedicated costume at first
  • so you put it on and it was so fucking baggy man
  • hey peter! look at me, i’m the spider man! thwip thwip! 
  • except it was the real thing so 
  • y-y/n!! where did you find that??? 
  • don’t worry, i’ll keep your spider-man obsession a secret, peter.
  • but when you accidentally web peter’s hand to the wall, you figure out this suit is the real deal 
  • holy shit!! holy shit! you– you’re, this is the real, oh my god, you’re the spider-man!  
  • peter just panics because you’ve webbed him to the wall and he can’t actually do anything
  • no! no i’m not!
  • you freak out for like another minute before you gather your senses enough 
  • peter parker, do not play with me right now- are you spider-man?
  • would you believe me if i said it was a very detailed halloween costume?
  • after cutting him free, you squeezed him into the tightest hug because you were so goddamn proud of him 
  • but also because oh my god how many times had he risked his life and had you not known???? 
  • oh my god, this is so wicked i can’t believe you’re spider-man–
  • you can’t tell anyone! 
  • shh, you know i wouldn’t but holy god! you have to tell me everything
  • you’re not mad i didn’t tell you?” 
  • pfft, i’ll only be mad if you don’t tell me now.
  • yes i also want to make this an imagine
  • yes, you’re the one who patches him up which always ends in cuddles
  • basically you get to shower peter in constant love and affection because he would do that and more for you 
  • he’s just the perfect boyfriend??? 
  • i want a peter parker
Some Ilvermorny headcanons
  • First and foremost, every day is cranberry pie day
  • While students do have robes, the clothes they wear underneath the robes are not uniforms. There is an eclectic mix of tastes, from the very serious horned serpent who wears button-downs and ties every day, to the wampus who has enchanted their graphic t-shirt to move, to the thunderbirds and pukwudgies who mutually exist solely for sweater weather.
  • Every year on James Steward’s birthday, there is a school-sponsored cranberry pie bake-off. Pukwudgie house nearly always wins. Once, thunderbird won and good lord you would think it was the civil war all over again
  • There are a lot of local professors, of course, so you get some really thick Boston accents, but there are also professors with southern belle accents who serve iced tea in class, professors with Canadian accents, professors with midwest accents, several Native American professors with smooth, lulling accents, and some Mexican professors who slip into Spanish when they get super excited about their subject. There was a visiting professor from Ireland once, and 96% of female students (and some male students) had major crushes on him.
  • Wampus house is where you go to get body-crushing, soul-lifting hugs
  • Horned serpents may be scholars, but they are also some of the keenest observers. They watch the whole school from afar and quietly play matchmaker to all of their friends. No one suspects them because - what, horned serpent? No. They don’t know about emotions. Meanwhile, the house president makes a killing on the bet she made to predict the homecoming king/queen. 
  • Thanksgiving at Ilvermorny is a spectacle that has to be seen to be believed. It’s almost bigger than Christmas. The thanksgiving feasts at Ilvermorny put Hogwarts to shame. Turkey, ham, real cranberry sauce, pies - oh my god so many pies. They’ve got cider, and tea, and cocoa like you wouldn’t believe. There are New English dishes and Southern dishes and Native dishes and Mexican dishes and Canadian dishes and West Coast dishes - essentially it’s a gigantic continental potluck, and it goes on all day long. Also, their pumpkin juice tastes 1000 times better.
  • While things like dueling and fighting with wands may be frowned upon at Hogwarts, at Ilvermorny it’s kind of just assumed that stuff happens, and the profs are very chill about it. “Just don’t kill each other okay” “just take it outside” “no casting destruction spells indoors” “bring some band-aids with you” “if you break your nose don’t bleed on your homework”
  • Pukwudgies are a pretty agreeable house over all, if not a bit salty and surly around the edges, they’ll still help you with your homework and bring you soup when you’ve got a cold. But all bets are off when they step onto the lacrosse field. Maybe its a pride thing, but pukwudgies are frikkin animals when playing lacrosse.
  • Wampus beats pukwudgie at lacrosse fairly often. They don’t actually practice that much, they just kind of win.
  • This fact has fueled a sports rivalry - friendly in wampus’ eyes, bloodthirsty in pukwudgie’s eyes. 
  • At wampus/pukwudgie games, horned serpents sell special blends of popcorn. Thunderbirds purchase, hoard, and eat 89% of this popcorn.
  • Horned serpents and pukwudgies often, though not always, end up having an unspoken rivalry in potions class.
  • Contrary to popular belief, wampus is not full of athletic jocks. However, they are the most body-positive of all of the schools, and, somewhat ironically to the stereotype, will never judge anyone for their athletic ability. They want everyone to be able to enjoy athleticism and bravery and adventure in the ways they are most able and gifted.
  • That being said, they do have the kind of student body who, if called upon, could become a minute militia.
  • When there is a freak hurricane or tornado headed headed for the school, it will be a wampus student who is patrolling the halls and telling students where to go for safety. If there is a bully in school, you had better bet your bottom dollar that s/he will be beaten to a pulp by the next day, and it will be a wampus student sporting mysteriously bloody knuckles.
  • Pukwudgies are the ones who patch up the bully; they might accidentally wind the bandages a little too tight.
  • Thunderbirds love a good game of hide-and-seek. They have a tradition of, every halloween, playing hide-and-seek in the dark in the woods.
  • Horned serpents are the students least often caught for sneaking in contraband into school. Caught being the key word. Most students learn at some point in their education that if you want a nice stiff drink, you go to horned serpent. During secret designated holidays, horned serpent common room turns into a speakeasy. 
  • Unexpectedly, it is pukwudgies who carry the most weapons and dangerous materials on their person at any given time. If a group of Ilvermorny students were going through a security check, it would be the pukwudgies held at the line while they emptied their pockets (bigger on the inside, of course) of various poisons and weapons. When asked, they would just shrug and say “just in case”.
  • The town around Ilvermorny is home to several franchised chain restaurants that, although they are no-maj brands, have been taken over by Ilvermorny alumni and thus serve predominantly wizarding patrons. Cups levitate to customers in the Starbucks, there are magic-only options on the menu; the chik-fil-a floor sweeps itself; at dominos the pizzas assemble themselves while the one clerk waits, bored, at the register. There are in-house cues for magic patrons whenever a no-maj walks in. The clerk rings a bell or taps loudly on the counter, or yells out an order than is actually a code word for stop doing magic stuff. It’s like red light green light.
  • There are some old service tunnels beneath the school left over from WWII and the Cold War. They’re like a labyrinth, and Thunderbird has a monopoly on the maps to the tunnels. Some of the more obscure tunnels have large rooms that are perfect for parties and impromptu speakeasies (lookin at you, horned serpent). Thunderbirds will rent out these rooms to fellow students at a fair and competitive rate.
  • Unlike hogwarts, Ilvermorny students are more apt to use modern technology. Electrics can be weird around witches and wizards, but they still enjoy a lot of no-maj programming. They use computers instead of quills (but still have to print off their essays, ugh,) and listen to music, and watch TV.
  • Star Trek has long been a school cult favorite. Pukwudgies have adopted Bones as their pop culture mascot; Kirk is Thunderbird’s, Spock, horned serpent. Wampus vacillates on which of these three they like most, though it must be said, when they start watching Next Gen, many wampus students find themselves enamored with Worf,
  • There has only been one no-maj to ever make it past the magic shields of Ilvermorny unaided. This instance was in 1985. His name was Chad, who at the time was 1) stoned out of his mind and 2) delivering chinese takeout to a horned serpent pulling an all-nighter. School admin found out later, and there was hell to pay. They never did track down Chad to wipe his memory.
  • Pukwudgie house does have more than its fair share of healers, so they are definitely the ones to go to for cold remedies, home made soup, the best cures for menstrual cramps, and really good back rubs.
  • However, they are also the ones to go to for less medical remedies: the best hot cocoa, the most gourmet teas, and home made food.
  • Each house has a class president who is elected for a two-year term (unless they’re a final year student, in which case they will serve one before being taken over by their VP). They have some influence within their houses, but never as much as they’d like. For instance, the thunderbird president once attempted to institute mid-day dancing parties, but school admin said no.
  • Pukwudgies are usually not super athletic, but are often very good at things like darts, archery, and waterbaloon fights.
  • Wampus takes ultimate frisbee very, very seriously.
  • Thunderbird hosts an ongoing scavenger hunt throughout the semester.
  • The women of horned serpent blow off steam and the stuffy acadmic pressures of their house by making pillow forts and watching rom coms with each other.
  • Back in the eighties some wizard created a magic version of D&D, and it has become a weekend favorite of many students across all of the houses.
  • After graduation, instead of having a class ring, it has become tradition for Ilvermorny students to make a pendant out of their golden cloak buttons.
  • Ilvermorny may be separated by inter-house squabbles much like at Hogwarts, but at the end of the day, they all leave school wearing the same blue and cranberry robes, sporting the same skill with a wand, raised to the same scrappy, witty, mod-podge tenacity that American witches and wizards embody so well.
2

So if you have to give us like a personality trait of yours or like a quirky thing that you do - what don’t people know about you specifically — I have a real fear of anyone or anything touching my belly button … don’t try and do it if you meet me please because it freaks me out… 

fun things about you and your friends all having disorders
  • your stim is making me also want to stim but i dont have anything how dare you
  • “iM HAVING A BREAKDOWN” “OH MY GOD I WANT TO HELP BUT IM HAVING ONE TOO”
  • “how do you calm someone down from a panic attack” “dont you have panic attacks all the time” “yes shut up this about YOU and YOUR panic attack”
  • im bad at understanding what people mean and youre bad at understanding what people mean lets get together and have a lot of misunderstandings
  • you sound passive aggressive but i can tell you think you sound polite and nice bc i can relate
  • you spaced out while i was talking and i was about to tell you but then i spaced out
  • “im ready for death” “lmao same”
  • “IM HYPERFIXATED ON THIS THING” “DUDE THATS MY SPECIAL INTEREST” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
  • ive been procrastinating on this thing for three hours but youre suffering with me so its not as bad
  • “hey…. is it ok if we dont go out tonight i just. i just dont feel like i can. no spoons” “oh thank god”
  • lie down on me dont ask questions
  • “are you real” “i dont know actually”

anonymous asked:

Cat Cat Cat! Purim is coming up soon. Can you tell us the Purim story, with swears?

oh my god, is this my thing now. OKAY, fair warning, this one’s gonna be… real long.

OKAY SO LIKE. way back in the waybackwhen, we’ve been kicked outta judea for the… first? second? first time. (we got kicked out of israel/judea a… few times. we got kicked out of spain twice, we got kicked out of the netherlands three times, we got kicked out of france and bavaria five times, we got kicked out of mainz in particular four times

god bless the gentiles honestly they’re god’s appointed travel agency. ANYWAY)

so we’re in persia. and we’re under the rule of king ahasueare– king ahahasay– king ahasueueueueue-

KING AHASARARUARAUAEREASS, who is having a Party

and king ahdahahaah has a wife, vashti, who is among the hottest women in the whole country.

king aheshhh, who is quite drunk at this point, is like VASHTI. VASHTI I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND HAVE FUN AT THIS PARTY. I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND DANCE FOR US AND WEAR YOUR CROWN

vashti is like ughhhhhhhh FINE

king aaaaaaahhahaha is like …ONLY YOUR CROWN

vashti is like …not fine

so, because this is ancient persia and men are terrible, vashti is promptly divorced and king aughjesus decides to hold the Country’s Biggest Beauty Contest, where the Most Beautiful Women in Persia will all audition to be his wife!!! (I TOLD YOU MEN WERE TERRIBLE)

MEANWHILE haman, a smug motherfucker with a three-pointed hat, is a councillor for the king. haman, because ancient persia does not have any kind of government that could be labeled “sensible”, makes a law that says Everyone In This Country Must Bow Down To Me When I Pass, because Reasons.

BUT, guess who does not bow down to people, you guessed right, it is the jews. chiefly and specifically in this instance an equally smug (but much less powerful) motherfucker by the name of mordecai.

haman passes mordecai, is like “you don’t look like you’re bowing??? that is not a bow shape??? exPLAIN.” mordecai is like “r u god? i don’t think yr god? i think god would have better taste in hats? so”

so haman is plotting like a motherfucker, which he is, and mordecai is Mad Afraid, but there is no time for plotting or fear because guess what it’s beauty contest time, motherfuckers

and guess who mordecai has enrolled in it, it is HIS NIECE, ESTHER

esther is hotter than vashti, but, like, in a chiller way. in my head, samira wiley. (in my head, esther is a lesbian. in my head esther is my girlfriend. right. ANYWAY)

king ahooleyhoo immediately picks esther, as she is the Most Beautiful Woman In A Ten Thousand Mile Radius (as are all jews OBVIOUSLY), and she is taken up into the palace to be the most beautiful and powerful woman in a ten thousand mile radius. and she is also mad smart, so

meanwhile haman has finished his Plotting and has resulted in this: he is going to get revenge against mordecai by Killing All The Jews.

“oh yeah,” say the jews. “real original.”

mordecai goes, well, coincidentally, i happen to have a niece who is the queen of persia. and ollies over like ESTHER? ESTHER HAMAN IS PLOTTING TO KILL US ALL. ALL THE JEWS. DO SOMETHING

esther is like, i have a solution to this. the solution involves getting naked.

so she holds a banquet for her husband the king, and at the banquet is like WOW… GOSH… I’M VERY NAKED… AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BANQUET. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A LOT OF SEX AND GOOD FOOD, DARLING HUSBAND

darling husband is like fuck yes, gets drunk as shit. esther is like okay. yes. now that you are full of good food and heavily sexed up, can i have a thing. can that thing be that you vow to protect me from anyone who wants to kill me

…sure, says king aheshehaara. sg.

great, says esther. havin a banquet tomorrow night too. be there or be square

king ajldfghfdghk;dfghufgsdoi has no desire to be square, so he comes to the banquet tomorrow night to find that esther has also invited… HAMAN? “well,” he thinks to himself, “i have never pictured this threesome before, but y’know, life is a rich tapestry”

but eventually esther goes “ah okay remember that promise to protect me from anyone who would kill me. what if i told you. i knew a dude who would do that thing”

“I WOULD SUPER KILL THAT DUDE,” says king ahassafrass, who has exactly 2 problem-solving methods

“great,” says esther. “what if i told you… THIS IS THE DUDE.” AND SHE POINTS AT THE DUDE. WHO IS HAMAN. WHO IS AT THE TABLE!!!

!!!!! says king ahahahahhfewsse.

!!!!!! says esther.

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ says haman.

so esther REVEALS SHE IS A JEW! and that haman is implicitly PLOTTING TO KILL HER! (“i didn’t– I WAS NOT AWARE,” says haman. “WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING CHECKED THEN,” says esther. “OR WAIT. ANOTHER SOLUTION. IT’S DAWNING ON ME. AN EPIPHANY. YOU COULD NOT KILL PEOPLE”)

the king has haman hanged on the gallows on which he was planning to hang all the jews. and guess who is instituted as councillor in his place, that’s right, MORDECAI

who declares that the anniversary of Us Not Being Dead shall be celebrated every year forever with dressing up in costumes, and also that we shall eat little cookies shaped like haman’s hat, and also that whenever haman’s name is mentioned we will yell like hell

hey, says king aharseadslic. could, theoretically, this holiday include getting so drunk you can’t tell the difference between mordecai and haman

…i guess so, says mordecai

right, says king ahasuerus. carry on, haman

AND SO WE CONTINUE THESE TRADITIONS OF EATING COOKIES, WEARING COSTUMES, AND GETTIN SLOSHED, even SCATTERED ACROSS THE WORLD; and yes, i will be spending my thursday gettin drunk on my way to rome

so pour yrself a whiskey, put on a fake beard, and raise a glass: it’s purim 5776, and guess what, motherfuckers? 

you still ain’t managed to kill us yet.

Masterlist - Updated 30/4/17

Originally posted by sebastiansource

- read my masterlist here . Please come and let me know your favourites -

Series

Training With Bucky - A series of connected one shots of what’s like to train with Bucky Barnes based off these headcanons here - Part 1

Ficmas - A series of christmas drabbles - Masterlist

Daddy Drabbles - A series of drabbles which detail the adventures of our favourite characters as fathers - Masterlist

100 Kinks - 100 kinky drabbles to celebrate Bucky’s 100th birthday (smut)

Front Line Love - Reader a nurse during WW2 finds herself at the same camp as Bucky. - Part 1, Part 2 (smut)

Riding in cars with boys - A smutty drabble series featuring all our favourite Sebastian Stan characters in cars, so come along for the ride. - Part 1: Carter

Bucky x Reader- Prompt drabbles

“I’m tired of being your secret”/“Sometimes, there is nothing better than some good old-fashioned, no string attached fucking” (SMUT)

“Will you just tell me the truth?”

“You don’t need to protect me”/“Didn’t realise I needed your permission”

“I think you’ll be happy to know that I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..”

Bucky + knives + dirty talk (SMUT)

Under the table at black tie gala (SMUT")

“It’s Christmas, don’t be mad at me.”

“Welcome to fatherhood”

“Stop being so cute”

“How is my wife more badass than me?”

“I’m not buying IKEA furniture again.”

Keep reading

Knuckles : Boxer!Ashton (Part 2)

sorry it took so long! special thank u to Ashley (@thesaltyspice) for helping me come up with ideas for this a million years ago xx

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

[Following anyone/everyone who leaves some form of thoughtful feedback x]

- Knuckles Playlist


“Look at that one.”

“That one over there?”

“Yeah,” you confirm with a pout. “I want it.”

Ashton chuckles and looks to you at his side. “That’s the fourth dog you’ve said you wanted since we got here.”

It’s true, but you can’t help it. You always get dog-envy at the farmers’ market, exposed to too many cute pups at once for your little heart to handle.

“We should get one,” you say passively, adoring a large german shepherd trotting by with its owner. “Y'know, if we ever live together.”

Ashton smirks, turning his head. “I love how you’re not even worried about scaring me with plans for the future.”

Your cheeks redden, having not noticed the implications when you said it. It’s only been three months since the fight that started it all, since you and Ashton agreed to give your relationship a title, and you suppose you should be more careful about vocalizing your whimsical thoughts. Your guard just naturally falls around him, the pressure to play safe wiped away by his equal and obvious feelings toward you. Talk of commitment doesn’t affect him the way it does most people. If Ashton was going to run, he would’ve done so by now.

You glance down at his fingers between yours, smiling because you don’t think he’s let go of your hand all day. With his hectic training schedule for another upcoming fight and your demanding attendance at university four days a week, the two of you have recently been missing each other more than actually seeing each other, and it appears Ashton wants to make up for lost time in the form of suffocating your palm–not that you mind. For someone whose fists can be classified as lethal weapons, he has quite a gentle grip when it comes to you.

Keep reading

RFA HEADCANONS: They Get Jealous~

(It’s almost midnight, what am I doing with my life. ANYWAYS. It would be so great if someone would request something *hint hint* *wink wonk* because it’s hard trying to be creative. Lel.)

~~

RFA~ they get jealous. V+Saeran included.

~~

Yoosung:

Yoosung has always been a more jealous type. Literally, if he even sees you talking to anyone other than him, he can’t help but feel a little uneasy.

So, he would go to the restroom for a brief few seconds, and when he gets back..

You’re. Talking. To. Another. Guy??

Now, he didn’t know that this ‘other guy’ was a cousin you haven’t seen in a while.

His stomach goes in knots, and he balls up his fists, wanting nothing more than to go push the guy away from you.

Sadly, he is probably too shy to just walk up there, but for a few moments, he tries to gather up his courage to go take you back.

When he realizes he’s just too nervous, he starts to think that he lost you, and starts tearing up a bit.

At this point, you’d be like “damn boi, how long it take to pee?” And start to look around..well, o shit, your cute blondie is just standing all the way back there.

“Yoosung? Come over here! I’d like you to meet my cousin…wait, are you crying?”

“Wha- cousin?! Oh..! Uhm..I- I wasn’t crying..!! I yawned! Aha. Hi. Nice to meet you, (C/N)..!”

~~

Jumin:

Uhm. Who are you talking to?

He is pissed off when he see’s you talking to one of his better looking security guards.

L I T E R A L L Y JUST SHOVES THE GUY AWAY.

He’s probably gonna start getting really touchy on you, (kink) and grip you by the waist h a r d.

Casually starts questioning the security guard as to wHY WAS HE TALKING TO YOU?

you’d get really embarrassed, and tell jumin to stop making a scene, buT HE IS JUST “NO” NO ONE ELSE CAN LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT?

Straight out fires the guy. Oops.

“Jumin, what the hell?! Why would you fire him? He wasn’t trying to steal me away! I love you, and only you.”

“…Hm. I don’t like people eyeing you like that. That’s for me to do, no one else. ..(Y/N)..you know I love you. I only want what’s best for you.”

~~

Jaehee;

You two will be at one of Zen’s musicals, just enjoying the show..wheN THIS IDIOT JUST DECIDES TO START FLIRTING WITH YOU???

You try to tell the guy, you don’t swing that way?? But he doesn’t listen??

Jaehee goes into extreme jealous woman mode, and actually lashes out on the guy.

“She said she doesn’t go that way. Do you not get what she meant? Are you that idiotic? Do I seriously have to show you who she BELONGS to?”

Will casually start making out with you right then and there.

The guy will scoff and walk off, giving Jaehee the middle finger.

Jaehee awkwardly pulls away, refusing to make eye contact. She’ll probably start nervously running her hand though her hair.

She apologizes??

Nono, sweetie. No need to apologize. You’re a d o r a b l e.

You both end up leaving the theater, just so you can cuddle the rest of the night in peace.

“Jaehee, it’s fine. If anything, I thought it was cute..now, come here and love me, baby girl~”

Will high key melt at being called baby girl.

“I’m glad that you could just put the situation behind you so quickly..but, I’m warning you. Next time, I may not be so calm. You’re mine, (Y/N).”

~~

Zen:

Everywhere you went you seemed to get hit on in one way or another. Normally, Zen would brush it off, knowing that you only had eyes for him.

But oh.

One day. ONE DAY. He’s just had enough.

“Hey, cutie~ I lost my number, mind if I-”

“Yeah, she does mind, actually. Back. Off.”

He would roll his sleeves up, intimidating the guy with his muscles.

“Woah, chill. I was just being nice to the lad-”

“well, that lady happens to be taken. Now, if you ever so kindly..back the hell off, that would be great.”

STARTS GETTING REALLY INTIMIDATING IN GENERAL.

LIKE YOU CAN FEEL THE TENSION.

HE IS READY TO BEAT THE GUYS ASS.

He’s already a big fan on Pda, but ohhh, it’s gonna increase.

You practically can’t be farther than 5 inches away from him from then on.

“Zen, you know you’re the only one I see..”

“I know, Princess. I’m sorry, it’s just becoming so frequent..I want people to know not to mess with you.”

~~

707:

You two will be joking around, and then you’ll probably trip into someone. (Klutz.)

They’ll help you up, and give you a cheeky smile.

DANG THEY ARE H O T.

They’ll pull some lame pick up line, like “oh, you fell for me kdkfkfk ha.”

SEVEN WILL GET SO MAD.

B A C K O F F M Y W I F E???

His normally cheerful attitude is gonna change real quick.

He will get really serious, and pull you closer to him, making sure you aren’t hurt from falling, first. (Or diseased from the guy.)

High key starts sassing the guy.

Starts to laugh, and gives the guy a lil chest bump thing, as they 'make up’

Yeah, well. Seven stole his wallet out of his pocket.

That guy just lost everything, lol.

His money, his ID card, his credit card, business cards.

Oops.

“Well, you got over that fast. I’m impressed.”

“Heh. Babe, look what I got!”

“IS THAT HIS- oh my god. You’re evil. I love it.”

~~

V:

He’s so gentle, he just stands there awkwardly, shifting his weight on a different foot, waiting for you to hurry up.

You were at an art museum, and this guy came up to you, trying to show you the “best art works” there. He started cracking jokes, and yOU WERE LAUGHING AT THEM?

you didn’t know it was bothering V so much, but he was literally starting to tear up?

He wanted to step in, but if you were having fun, and you were happy.. He would stand it.

He actually felt his heart sink when the guy gave you his email address.

“Yeah, email me sometime. I can teach you a lot more!”

You sighed the moment the guy left, and crumpled up the paper, tossing it in the trash.

“What a waste. I didn’t want to be rude, but God..he was showing the worst pi- V? What’s wrong?”

“Oh..Nothing. Don’t worry about me. Shall we go over here?”

HE GOT THIS SMALL, CUTE LITTLE SMILE WHEN YOU THREW THE PAPER AWAY, THO, LIKE SKCIFJFJNF.

~~

Saeran: (Mild spoiler?? Maybe??)

Literally doesn’t like you talking to anyone.

Anyone.

He’s not the kind of guy that is like “oh, you can’t do this, you can’t do that.” But it’s easy to get him jealous.

In fact, he got jealous of his own brother.

“SAERAN~ SEVEN JUST TOLD ME THE GREATEST JO-”

“Yeah? Well if you like his jokes so much, why don’t you just date him instead?!”

Ends up getting in a huge fight with Saeyoung.

Low key starts trying to crack jokes (and fails) to keep up with his brother.

He starts getting so frustrated, thinking he was never going to be as good as his brother. That you would leave him for Saeyoung.

Poor smol bean. You had to reassure him that he was the only Choi for you..in fact, he was the only one at all for you.

“Saeran. You know that I love you, right?”

“Hmph.”

“Saerannn.”

“….I..love you too, I guess..”

“YOU GUESS? IS OUR LOVE IN QUESTION.” (He freaks out a bit when you say this, lel)

“Wha- no! No.. I..Uhm, I love you, (Y/N). I really do.”

You. Oh God, how I wish things turned out differently between us. I still believe that everything that we had was real, against the very notion that all of that were mere illusions and our minds tricking us to believe that it was “love.” Because if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t hurt me this much. You told me this isn’t love; this is not what real love looked like. That we were just two teenagers on the internet who fell in love with the “idea” of each other. But my heart’s too stubborn and kept on denying and rejecting such notion.
Maybe you didn’t love me just as much as I loved you or maybe you didn’t love me at all. Maybe you fell in love with the idea of me and I fell in love with you wholeheartedly. I was important to you, and you were so much more for me. And it wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault that I choose to love you.
—  the story of us // one (s.j.)
I really like you, you know? (Zach Dempsey x Reader)

Request: “Can I request a fic with Zach where the reader and Zach are snapchatting. The reader is really sleepy because she’s been staying up late to get homework done and being so tired, she accidently tells Zach she likes him a lot. (Can it be fluffy and a little angsty?)”

————————————

It was still 4:30p.m., but you were already tired and longing for your bed. You tried really hard to keep your eyes open, but they had their way of beating you. Finally, you gave up. You got up from the table you were occupying on the school’s library, picked up your stuff and walked home.

The second you got into your room, you took of your shoes and slowly climbed into your bed. You hadn’t even closed your eyes yet when your phone lighted up and buzzed.

“How hard is it for a girl to get her beauty sleep in this wicked world?” you mumbled like a real drama queen, talking to the walls. You reached out lazily for your phone and, suddenly, all your complains went away. The top notification was a Snapchat from Zach Dempsey.

After waiting a while (in your mind, opening it up too quickly would make him think you were desperate), you finally saw his chat. It was just random letters, probably sent by mistake. You rolled your eyes, not believing you created all that expectation in your head. What were you thinking? That Zach freaking Dempsey snapchatted you saying he was madly crushing you?

You sent a question mark back and put your phone away. It only took five seconds for it to buzz again.

“You have got to be kidding me”

You didn’t want to look, all you wanted was a nice nap. Your curiosity spoke louder, and you picked it back up.

Zach Dempsey: Oh hello Y/N this is Zach and I stare at your Snapchat stories like an idiot
Zach Dempsey: I’m lovesick because of uuuuuu
Zach Dempsey: let me be the juliet to your romeo
Zach Dempsey: I’m juliet coz I’m a little girl

You realized it was one of his friends joking around, and laugh softly. You decided to mess around too.

You: I knew it.
Zach Dempsey: that I’m a little girl????
You: oh yeah. it’s common knowledge.

Video call from : Zach Dempsey

You didn’t expect this. You didn’t know if you should pick up or not. You decided to go on with the game, so you fixed your hair and made sure you looked okay. You pressed “answer” and Justin Foley’s face showed up on the screen. It looked like they were at the gymnasium, probably practicing basketball.

“Yo Dempsey! I got your phone man” Justin yelled, and the camera focused on Zach, who was standing at the other side of the gym. “You shouldn’t have told me your password!”

“Dude what are you doing?” Zach rushed over and tried to get his phone out of Justin’s hands. You giggled and, with that sound, Dempsey just stopped moving. “Foley. What was that?”

Justin showed him the screen, and his eyes widened when he saw your face.

“Well hello there” you said, not knowing what to do.

“Y/N, hi. I-uh, hang on, I’ll call you back okay?” The screen went black and his face disappeared. You waited for the call and, since it didn’t came, you tried to sleep again. Unsuccessfully, you should add.

Grumbling, you kicked your covers away, picked up your books and started studying again in your desk.

———

You were so entertained by your homework you almost missed the notification from Zach. Almost. You unlocked your phone and checked it out.

Zach Dempsey: Hey, I’m sorry for earlier. Justin is an idiot
You: It’s okay 😂

You weren’t really expecting an answer after that, but fortunately it came.

Zach Dempsey: well anyway
Zach Dempsey: wyd?

You gave the pile of papers and books in front of you a sad glance.

You: homework. u?
Zach Dempsey: just chillin I guess

You sighed, jealous of his procrastination.

You: let’s trade please, I can’t stand biology anymore
Zach Dempsey: send all the bio stuff for me. I’ll do it for you, I love bio

What a cutie. He loved bio.

You: don’t give me ideas, Dempsey. I’ll send it for real
Zach Dempsey: lol
Zach Dempsey: you can come over some day and I’ll give you a hand

Oh my god. Zach invited you to his place. You and him, at his house. What a time to be alive.

You: that would be nice :)
Zach Dempsey: so… I’m sorry if that’s like way too intrusive but I wanna ask something
You: dear lord… shoot

Your heart skipped a beat. Was he really going to ask you out?

Zach Dempsey: are you and colin jensen a thing?

Well, apparently not. No dates for miss (Y/N) and mr Zach Dempsey.

You: who tf is colin jensen?
Zach Dempsey: you know, skinny dude who works at crestmont

You let out a loud laugh.

You: you mean clay jensen?
Zach Dempsey: probably
Zach Dempsey: anyway
Zach Dempsey: are you guys together?
You: no sir

The conversation just went on and on, and you liked Zach more and more by the second. He was sweet and funny, and talking to him was just so nice… but you really, really needed to sleep.

You: hey, I gotta go
Zach Dempsey: why??
You: I need some sleep
Zach Dempsey: it’s eight o'clock my lady

My lady. Jesus Christ.

You: I know
You: but I didn’t sleep last night
Zach Dempsey: what were you up to?
You: at a date with my usual partner
Zach Dempsey: 🤔
Zach Dempsey: usual partner?
You: homework
Zach Dempsey: oh, I see
Zach Dempsey: but can’t you stay just a little longer?
You: that’s not a very good idea
You: sleep deprived (Y/N) usually talks more than she should
Zach Dempsey: one more reason why you should stick around w me
Zach Dempsey: this conversation is about to get interesting
Zach Dempsey: stay pleease

Well, he was asking… you guessed it couldn’t be that bad staying up just a few more minutes.

You: okay, I’ll give you some extra time
You: what do you wanna talk about?
Zach Dempsey: let’s play a game

Uh-oh.

You: what kind of game?
Zach Dempsey: nothing special, just asking each other some questions
You: ok fine, you go first
Zach Dempsey: I’ll take it easy on you because it’s the first question
Zach Dempsey: we’re just warming up
Zach Dempsey: what’s your favorite color?

You laughed again.

You: how original my man
You: green
Zach Dempsey: I’m one of a kind
Zach Dempsey: your turn
You: I’m not extending the courtesy of taking it easy, sorry
You: are you and justin dating?

He sent you a picture of his face. He was frowning, trying to cover a smile.

Zach Dempsey: you’re lame. that’s a terrible question, and the answer is no
You: that was a valid question
Zach Dempsey: there will be a payback
Zach Dempsey: you better believe in karma
Zach Dempsey: my question is why are you single

You didn’t really understood the question. You rubbed your eyes and yawned.

You: what do you mean
Zach Dempsey: I mean, you’re beautiful and smart and funny and I just don’t get how can you not have a boyfriend

You froze. Before you could realize the huge mistake you were making, you sent him the most stupid confession ever.

You: I couldn’t date anyone because you’re the one that I like, and it’s like a lot

Your eyes widened when your own words sunk in. You really should have stopped the conversation when you had the chance. Damn it, damn it, damn it. You waited anxiously for his answer. He opened the chat, visualized your message and…

He ignored it.

You even waited a few minutes but there was no response. “Well, congratulations (Y/N), you ruined everything as usual”, you thought, and climbed up your bed. You picked up your blankets from the floor and covered your ashamed and self loathing body.

It felt like you had just fallen asleep when a noise woke you up. Scared, you almost fell on the floor. It sounded like… knocks?

You picked up a baseball bat you kept on the floor (just for hitting strangers because you couldn’t even play any sports) and looked around. Suddenly, you saw Zach outside your window.

“Oh my god!” you whispered, in shock, and opened the lock so he could come inside. “What are you doing here? Jesus I only have my pajamas on!”

You covered yourself with your arms, which made Zach laugh.

“I came here because I wanted to know if what you said was true. You know, the I-like-you-a-lot thing” he asked in a serious tone.

“God just forget I said it, it’s embarrassing really” you looked away from him.

“I don’t think so”

“Well, that’s because you don’t have feelings for someone who doesn’t like you back” you whispered, trying not to get your parents attention.

Suddenly, Zach’s hands were on your waist and he pulled you close, with nothing but an inch of air between your bodies. Your heart started beating like crazy. One of his hands went up to your jaw and caressed it. His fingers made their way to your lips, separating them.

“Who said anything about not liking back?” he whispered too, and then pressed his lips against yours.

——————————–

Sooo I hope you liked it, I’m sorry if it’s different from what you expected!