you are so unhealthy

day one

- I am grieving in the only way I know how right now: internally. Privately. I haven’t spoken a word to anybody about what’s going on. If you know me in real life, know this - I’ll tell you in the future, I promise. And if I’m not okay, I’ll let you know. But I need to be able to grieve in this private way.
- I made a pledge. It goes a little like this: don’t stalk on social media, don’t fall into bad patterns - and if you do, get help right away. So far I have followed. As more unhealthy habits threaten I’ll add them to the pledge.
- I can’t trust myself to be alone. Or at least, right now I’d prefer not to be. Alone is too demanding, too exhausting.
- Speaking of exhausting… I’m trying to wear myself out. I haven’t decided if I think that’s healthy or not yet, but it’s been how I’m coping. Just throwing myself into the present moment and physically tiring my body. I like it so far, but like I said, I’m not sure if it’s healthy.
- So far, I’m really more okay than I expected. Sure, I’m a little ragged on the edges and still feel the pulse of my blood under the bruise sometimes, but it hasn’t been unbearable. There have been slight signs of a panic, but I’ve been able to avoid them so far.
- I feel like I’m letting myself grieve in a proper way. In the way I know how, which is just by myself for a little while. And I’m proud of myself.
- I’m writing more. Trying to make sense of my feelings. I’m proud of what I’m writing. I’m proud of how I’m getting through this. I am posting my writing online under a different name, although I’d rather keep that under wraps from this account (I have people I don’t want to find it and taint that account), so I can have a diary of sorts. I’m also writing in my journal.
- I’m taking it day by day - no, really second by second. I’m trying extremely hard to focus on the moment in front of me. I get easily distracted and lost in train of thought, so I’ve been trying to make really short term goals for my mind to focus on. For example, right now my goal is to write this Tumblr post and that’s it. Then it’s going to be to empty my mind as possible so I can sleep faster. These short term goals are really helping.
- I am strong. I can do this.

some days i am death threat and
others i am apology poem.
you were a rose and some days
i remember your softness but others
all i can think of are the thorns.
i want to see this in something other
than black and white but in my memory
there is no shared responsibility,
only killer and killed, only one
bloody body on the ground.

i want you beside me and yet i
never want you to touch me again.
i want you to whisper the pretty things to me again
but every word from your mouth makes me sick.

i want you back but i know
you haven’t changed.
i haven’t changed either.

—  it’s funny how the missing puzzle piece can also be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, sarah kate o.

It’s so stressful and fustrating when you hear about your fav artist being tired, unhealthy, etc. and people go “Why are you so worried about them? They don’t even know who you are”. And I know that. But I wanna make sure that the person that has helped me in my struggles and has made me happy gets to feel the same way.

Healthy snack prep

1) Yogurt and fruit

2) sliced bell peppers carrots and cucumbers with hummus

3) almonds and nuts

4) oranges and bananas

If you are in an unhealthy snacker it helps so so so much to have healthy snacks already prepared and ready to go when you are hungry!

audreycritter  asked:

I'm on mobile, and I don't know if this is where you usually take prompts, but I'll request Tim and Bruce. Bonus points if it includes the line, "One of us is going to have to sleep eventually."

This is officially my favourite thing I have ever written. Thank you so much for the prompt :D

They’re at a stalemate, have been for days now. All because Bruce had dared to suggest Tim stop drinking coffee and get some sleep. A reasonable suggestion, Alfred had assured him, since Tim is, after all, only fourteen years old and much too dependant on caffeine to keep him going than anyone should be. Unfortunately, Tim hadn’t seen it that way.

No. Tim had slowly lowered his newly-filled coffee cup from his lips and stared at him until Bruce had shifted uncomfortably. Then he had smiled sweetly and asked mildly, “Are you going to take your own advice?”

And that’s where Bruce went wrong, Alfred was quick to point out six hours later when he came down to invite them up for breakfast. Because he should have just said yes, poured his own coffee down the sink and gone to catch a few hours sleep between his thousand-thread-count sheets. But he didn’t. Because Bruce is a grown adult dammit. And more than that; Bruce is the goddamn Batman. He couldn’t just give in to the sass of a teenager, even if that teenager is a sleep-deprived, more-caffeine-than-blood Robin. 

His second mistake had been saying something of that effect to Tim, who had rolled his eyes and taken another gulp of coffee before stating that he wouldn’t stop drinking coffee, nor would he sleep, until Bruce did so as well.

So here they are.

Three days later.

And Bruce is beginning to regret his entire life.

(“Nothing new there,” the painfully Jason-like voice in his head snorts.

Bruce reminds himself hallucinations are normal after forty-eight to seventy-two hours with no sleep.)

“One of us is going to have to sleep eventually,” Bruce sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, looking sidelong at Tim’s equally mussed locks.

Tim takes a pointed sip of his lukewarm coffee. “I vote you.“ 

From somewhere in the depths of the Cave, Alfred sighs and mutters something about stubborn fools. Followed a moment later by a louder rumination about good role models. Bruce chooses to chalk that one up to auditory hallucinations; Alfred generally prefers to give useful yet sarcastic advice to his face.

"Don’t you have school?” he wonders in Tim’s direction, sure the boy had vanished form the cave for several hours each day but not entirely sure that’s where he’d gone. “Don’t your teachers ever question why you look so exhausted?”

The teen glances up from the case files he’s poring over to give Bruce a flat stare - he wears the expression so often Bruce is beginning to think it’s just his resting face. (You know, if he ever rested.) “Yes. And I tell them it’s because the hours I should be spent sleeping are spent running across Gotham’s rooftops in tights,” he deadpans.

Bruce blinks.

Tim blinks.

Alfred sighs. Bruce knows it’s definitely real this time because he’s suddenly standing behind them with a tray “More coffee, sirs?” he offers drily. “Or have you seen sense yet?”

Tim takes a mug and sniffs it warily, nose crinkling in disgust before he hastily sets it back on the tray. “That isn’t coffee, Alfred, it’s decaf.” He sounds so outraged that Bruce laughs. It may or may not be a touch hysterical.

“I’ll have you know, Master Timothy, that you’ve been drinking decaf for the last two days.”

“Hah!” Bruce points a mocking finger at his young partner. “Alfred wins.”

“I wasn’t aware I was even playing,” Alfred comments over Tim’s indignant, “You’ve been drinking it too!”

That makes Bruce pause, his sleep-deprived mind working over the facts of the Case of the Decaf Coffee. He frowns into his near-empty mug as realisation washes over him. “We both lost,” he tells the unfaithful liquid. It ripples ambiguously.

“I’ll just get a blanket then,” Alfred is saying, “Perhaps a pillow as well…”

And when Bruce looks up, blinking sluggishly, several minutes have passed and Tim is fast asleep, as though the very suggestion that his bloodstream had no caffeine in it was enough to knock him out, head cushioned on his folded arms, an errant sticky note stuck to his ear. Bruce reaches out to poke him just to be sure he isn’t foxing, but his hand doesn’t quite make it, flopping onto the table and brushing Tim’s fingers with his own. Then his eyes slide shut and he too is asleep.

(They find out several hours later - at a more reasonable hour of the morning - that not only did Alfred win, he cheated. The last mugs of coffee were laced with a mild sedative. Bruce can’t even bring himself to be more than a little irritated because at least Tim finally slept.)

Feels stressed: Daydream

Feels Happy: Daydream

Feels Angry: Daydream

Feels Sad: Daydream

Feels Nothing: Daydream

Excerpt of Of Black Eyes and Split Lips Chapter 3 by @bleusarcelle

The thought makes him freeze for a second before he drops his gaze and pulls out by the chain his necklace, bringing out from its hiding until it rests on the palm of his hand.

‘Well, hope you like this visit, mom,’ he thinks as he rubs the small red quartz that its tied to his simple chain.

hello ppls it up

  • Me: why am I so out of shape ? Why am I so unhealthy ?
  • Brain: do you workout ? Do you eat healthy? Do you sleep probably? Do you do anything at all to achieve good mental health and psychical fitness?
  • Me: well no but that's not the point lol
  • Brain: fuck

Dear High School Lauren,

I have so many things I want to tell you, but I’m going to start with the most urgent. Because of all the ways I’ve seen athletic stories unfold over the years, this is the No. 1 destroyer of dreams.

You’re a young woman, but the sound of the word “woman” makes you cringe. Well-meaning coaches and parents and aunties and grannies and inappropriate uncles comment on the changing bodies of girls–not yours yet but those around you. It’s coming. You know it’s coming.

You notice what happens sometimes to female athletes. She hits puberty; her times get slower or plateau. She is confused; she is working harder than ever. Clueless adults who are overly invested in her “performance” will grieve, as if her worth is based solely on PRs. This makes you scared of growing up.

Seeing girls go through this is confusing because there is a story once told to you about running: “You get out what you put in.” You’ve heard there is a direct line between effort and improvement, between wanting it more and winning. This is a “truth” written by men, based on the experience of boys and men. Your male teammates are bathing in testosterone, a dramatic performance enhancer. You will not. You are about to bathe in different hormones, hormones that, more often than not, temporarily interrupt that promised straight line of improvement. What you need are knowledgeable coaches and parents who know how to support you during this time, to let you know it is normal, to celebrate you through development, who can zoom out on the big picture, because it is at this time that many girls give up.

You’ll see girls react to a changing body in three ways: give up, ride it out, or fight against it. With 100 percent confidence, I can tell you the best choice is to ride it out. The best is yet to come.


You will go on to race at a NCAA Division I university and watch several girls do whatever it takes to fight their changing bodies. But before you choose a school, you will go on visits. You will have meals with the teams and notice they do things differently. There is the school that has “salad with dressing on the side,” the school where everyone orders “no gluten and no dairy,” the school where the girls bring their own food from home to the restaurant… Go to the school where people order a variety of things: the burger, the chicken sandwich, the salad. Go to the school where you can order french fries and do it without shame.

Go to the school where the majority of girls look athletic and healthy, with hydrated muscles, and get their periods. Listen to how they talk about themselves–and one another. Listen to what they value.

Do they value effort or performance? What do they worry about openly? Fixations on their appearance? Or do they lift one another up to be good teammates and performers? Do they value themselves and one another by time and place and weight? Or by the whole package of who they are as people?

How do they treat the teammates who are struggling physically or mentally or psychologically? Do they isolate them? Talk behind their backs? Do they have empathy and compassion? Do they call one another up?

Like it or not Lauren, you are a woman. A strong one. Your body is at some point going to become what it is meant to be, based on a long line of strong women who have survived generations in a tough world. For most of the time, and in most cultures, what is happening to your body would be celebrated with ceremony. Women are powerful beyond your imagination. You cannot reach your power by making yourself small. And yet in competitive running, you will find yourself in a world in which you feel pressure to do just that.

Let me speak to the competitive dream chaser in you now.

You can be fast and a developed woman. In fact, you can only reach your ultimate potential if you let your body go through its changes. If you get to the dips and valleys and fight your body, starve your body, attempt to outsmart it, you will suffer. You will lose your period. You will get faster at first. And then you will get injured. And injured. And injured.
Depending on the methods you used to fight your body, you may end up destroying your relationship with food and sport for years to come. You won’t go this far, but you’ll see so many of your friends and teammates do this. In your age group, the mortality rate from anorexia is 12 times higher than any other cause of death. You will see some come close.

You will see this so much, fed by reckless coaches, fed by unhealthy team culture, fed by the desire for short-term success, that it will break your heart. It will break your heart so much that it will be difficult for you to watch many of the top high school and college races after you graduate. So many young athletes will reach out to you for help. You will learn how destructive and reckless so many coaches are, and you will want to find a way to change things.


I need you to know, I PROMISE you, that the ultimate star you are chasing is further ahead than any shiny thing you see now. The way you get there is to protect your health and protect your love of the sport above all, even as you reach for the shiny goals right in front of you. You simply do not know and cannot predict your personal path, but you’ll get there. It will look different and brighter and richer and more multi-faceted the closer you get.

I need you to know, you have always been more than a runner, more than your times, more than your state championships, more than your school records. But you will get confused. You will forget. Luckily you will have teammates and family and friends who remind you. You will go on to do almost every single thing you could have dreamed of, not in the way you imagined, not on the timeline you imagined.

And when you retire from being a pro runner after 12 years, you will be surprised at what ends up being most valuable to you. Your medals will be in a box somewhere, and you’ll never look at them. Your proudest accomplishment will be a race in which you finished last because in that race you were tested more than ever and you were brave.

Finishing seventh in the entire world in the 5K and having a bronze medal in cross country brings you a smile, the same smile as winning league with your team as a freshman in high school, the same smile as breaking 5:00 in the mile for the first time. The real life-changers, the memories that make the peach fuzz on your cheeks and the hairs on your forearms stand up, those will be braiding your teammates hair in the 15-passenger van on the way to a race; a random tempo run along a sidewalk past a gas station where you felt like you were flying while home on Christmas break; descending a forest trail at camp behind your best friend with your arms outstretched in flight; running at night with someone you are falling in love with; pushing your baby in a running stroller for the first time; passing under a canopy of trees temporarily blocking the rain on a cross country course you can’t remember the name of, the sound of your feet squelching in the mud while chasing your rival.

Protect the opportunity to make memories like those for a lifetime. You’re going to be OK being all of yourself. Make sure your teammates know it too.

Love,

Lauren

—  Lauren Fleshman

honestly the saddest thing about karamel is all the people who stan it without recognizing it as an unhealthy relationship. so many people have grown up seeing the woman having to fix a man and chronic arguments as #relationshipgoals and believe it to be true to the point where they won’t even consider any other sides to it. these are the people that will either end up an abuser, a victim, a bystander, or marrying someone they argue with everyday thinking that it’s healthy.

please take a look at yourself and your behavior. it is not your partners job to fix you and it is not okay for your partner not to respect you until you’ve earned it. don’t be blinded to an abusive relationship because the people participating in it are cute or have happy moments every once in a while.

BTS reaction to their idol S/O fainting on stage

Seokjin:

Jin had always been making sure you were eating well and getting all the rest you need, as an idol himself he understood how exhausting the job could be. However, for the past week he had noticed you were acting strange. You would tend to not finish your food and he knew you weren’t getting enough rest, your energy level went down completely. Despite all of this, Jin felt like you are old enough to make your own decisions and you know what your doing. But suddenly he regretted not interfering with your unhealthy habits once he saw you faint on stage. Thankfully one of your members caught you before you made contact with the floor, even thought he knew you were in good hands, he became restless for the rest of the award ceremony and the second it finished he dashed to your dressing room.

Originally posted by jiminahhh

Yoongi:

Yoongi had never really been someone who paid to much attention to what other people were doing. So it never occurred to him that you might not be taking care of yourself and overworking yourself. Even if he did manage to pick up on this it wouldn’t bother him too much as we all know he isn’t one to take a break in his work either. As he watched you perform at the award show he noticed your heavy breathing and your lack of enthusiasm. Your steps seemed heavy as you danced around the stage and Yoongi kept an eye on you once he realized this, hoping that you wouldn’t pass out. But once you stopped dancing completely and fell backwards his heart froze in fear. As much as Yoongi was worried for you he immediately hated himself for not paying enough attention to your health. Eventually his worries got the best of him and he stood up from his seat to make sure you’re okay, not caring slightly about what others would think.

Originally posted by imakawaiiwhore

Namjoon:

Just like Yoongi he was always very busy himself and, as much as he hates admitting it, never pays too much attention to you. He was rarely ever home and whenever he was home he failed to realized your problems, but when you started being less enthusiastic Namjoon started to pick up on what you were doing to yourself. He had also previously noticed your drastic change in weight, as your once meaty thighs become skinny and small. Namjoon wanted to approach you about the situation but was afraid he might hurt you, he is smart enough to know this is an incredibly sensitive situation. Right before you were about to make your comeback stage he talked to you, not making his true intentions too obvious, but obvious enough to make you realize. Once he saw you lacking energy in your group dance, he knew it would only get worse from there. Risking his reputation as an idol, he carried you off stage, apologizing to fans. 

Originally posted by bangtan-damntan

Hoseok:

As an idol himself, he knows the struggles of constantly having to practice. But, he always made sure to put your health before his. Constantly, he would be reminding you to sleep at least 6 hours and to always eat 3 meals a day. However at times his busy schedule got in the way once he had to on tour to other countries. Without having anyone to go home to, you spent almost twice as much time practicing and therefore got much less sleep. You also decided to go on an intense diet as your comeback edged nearer. Once Hoseok got back you knew it was best not to tell him about your current lifestyle as there was no way he would approve of it. Your comeback stage went smoothly considering your health but it was once you had to do a dance break that you couldn’t keep going much longer. You tumbled towards the ground as Hoseok let out a screech of horror the second you started tipping. Tears swell up in his eyes, and he was frozen, wondering where you went wrong.

Originally posted by pastelyoonseok

Taehyung:  

Tae loved making sure you were healthy, he would feed you constantly and cuddle you all night to make sure you slept perfectly. But there were times when he couldn’t watch over you, and he despised it. He was unable to enjoy himself while on tour as he kept thinking about you and if you were safe, after all you were always his number 1 priority. Whilst your beloved boyfriend was on tour, you found it as a perfect opportunity to be able to do what you wanted, as much as you loved Taehyung you had to admit he was a bit obsessive and you hated that about him. Knowing he wouldn’t be back in at least 2 weeks meant you had the chance to practice for longer. Every day you would dance and sing from sunrise to sunset, perfecting your upcoming performance on the Mnet stage. Tae was watching your performance live (as always) but this time, he was across seas in America. Watching you faint on stage through his tiny phone screen mad his heart stop. Hating himself for not being there too help you.

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Jimin:

One thing that Jimin was always afraid of was the fact that you might follow in his footsteps and live an unhealthy lifestyle. So, like Taehyung, always made sure you were eating well everyday. However, as Bts’ comeback got closer, Jimin started spending more and more time away from you. Without Jimin around you started to get bored and decided to just practice yourself, as you were about to make your solo debut. You ended up spending up to 15 hours a day dancing, non stop. It was no secret that you were a perfectionist who would do anything to be perfect, even if you knew you couldn’t do something you would push your limits until you could. In the past this had never really effected you, but your body couldn’t take anymore. Jimin took the time out of his day to watch your performance, since it was such a big occasion. He realized you were struggling to sing and dance and you started to dance off beat.That was when you made contact with the cold floor, thankfully one of your backup dancers picked you up and carried you off stage. Jimin couldn’t help but feel a like pathetic, not only because he froze in place, but because the did nothing to help.

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Jungkook:

Jungkook was always one to be very aware of peoples habits and could immediately realize when something was wrong. This was one of those times. You started to come home later and would have the tendency to not completely finish your meals. This soon escalated into you not eating at all, and barely coming home. Jungkook knew how stressful it was to be an idol, but couldn’t quite understand why you were doing all of this to yourself. He talked to you multiple times, trying to convince you to go back to your previous lifestyle, As his heart hurt watching you lose an unhealthy amount of weight and develop dark bags under your eyes. Watching from his seat, he pretended to be calm as you pushed yourself on stage, knowing what could happen at any moment. The members saw his discomfort and tried to reassure him that everything would be okay… but that was when it happened. Screams from the audience echoed throughout the room and you harshly smacked the floor with you body, Your members stopping instantly and running towards you. Jungkook was frozen, his heart stopped, he couldn’t even breathe. All he could do was sit there and hope that you’re alright.

Originally posted by mochifairyjimin

I’ve really been slacking with posting, so I gave you 2 posts (btw why do these take sooo long)

{Requests are open}

Tbh I think we should treat alcohol and the culture it brings along with it exactly the same way we treat other drugs; normalising the idea of getting so wasted that you can barely remember the previous night and making mistakes you’ll regret as soon as you sober up is honestly so toxic and unhealthy. Especially in an environment such as university it’s kind of dangerous to promote the act of drinking so much you have trouble even walking.

And it’s absurd to expect that everyone is okay with alcohol being the pinnacle of socialisation yet criticise those who speak openly about drug use; alcohol is an addictive drug and can be just as life ruining as other, less socially acceptable drugs and should be treated as such.

Fatphobes are so ugly

You don’t know a fat person’s health by just looking at them. Just like how you don’t know a thin person’s health by looking at them. You are not my doctor.

Even if a fat person is unhealthy so fucking what? It’s none of your business. Fat people don’t owe you an apology for existing.

Amazing how if a fat person refuses to only eat salads or dares to eat in public, you think you have the right to harass them. As if the world revolves around you. You never give thin people shit for eating unhealthy foods, so why bother an innocent fat person? Oh right, you don’t see us as people.

As far as eating healthy goes, you don’t know by looking at someone if they have a food allergy. Or have food sensitivities or other food issues like my sensory issues. You also don’t know how accessible or affordable healthy foods are for them. Or if they have the time and spoons required to cook healthy foods. Are you going to buy healthy groceries and cook healthy foods for a fat person? No? Then shut the fuck up and let us buy and eat what we want.

If a fat person wants to work out, you ridicule them. If a fat person doesn’t want to work out or can’t, you ridicule them. So how the fuck are we supposed to exercise if we get shit for going to the gym? You can’t claim you want us to exercise and then mock us when we do.

A person’s worth is not dependent on their clothing sizes or weight. Do us all a favor and super glue your computer and lips shut.

-Mod Egg