i can’t stop thinking about what kind of criers dan and phil would be. i feel like dan’s crying would be a slow build up. his eyes just get watery at first, and he tries so hard to keep it in, but eventually the tears start cascading down his cheeks. he’d get a runny nose and his forehead would crease out of frustration because he hates crying, but he does it all the time. when his crying hits its peak, he’d be a blubbering mess, wiping furiously at his tears and constantly blowing his nose. he doesn’t like to be comforted while he’s crying, but when he’s finished and all that’s left is tear stained cheeks, he’d cling to the closest thing, preferably another person that would play with his hair, rub his back, and comfort him quietly.
phil on the other hand is a quiet crier. it happens really suddenly because he’s not afraid to be emotional and soft. his tears build up and he doesn’t try to hold them back. his eyes get red and puffy, and he tries to wipe away the tears quickly with his sleeve. he gets sniffly, but hides it by taking deep breaths through his mouth. his eyes are glossy and doe-like when his crying reaches the climax. he likes to be held the whole way through, even if it’s just someone holding his hand or resting a hand on his knee. physical contact calms him down and helps him feel more real. his favorite thing is when people rub their fingers up and down his arm, it nearly lulls him to sleep, but it distracts him from whatever it is he’s crying about.
“I think I owe you an apology. For not creating an environment where you felt like you could talk about this with me. All those years we spent together growing up, the endless nights talking and sharing, now I realise they were all about me and my secret. There’s never been room for you, and that’s my fault, and I’m so sorry. I know this is not the same at all, but I do know how it feels to keep a part of yourself shut off. To keep it inside. And I know lonely that can make you feel. But Alex, you are not alone.”