you are lying

i-dont-know-you  asked:

I've been out as a trans dude for about 2 years now, and I've struggled because my parents are vehemently against the thought of me being trans, and on and off over the past coupla years I've been fighting self doubt but as of late I can't get it out of my head that I might be lying. I hate being called or associated with girls but sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable to be called a guy, I know being nonbinary is valid but somehow it would feel invalid to describe myself as such. I'm lost.

I’m so sorry your parents are so unsupportive. You deserve so much better than to have to deal with transphobes like that.

Being around people who continuously invalidate you can certainly bring forth (or emphasise) self doubt. But please know that you know your own gender far, far better than they do.

I don’t think you are lying about being who you are. Liars, fakers, they know that they are lying, that they are faking. They’re making a continuous and conscious decision to lie and fake. And it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing.

Being trans comes with the fact that we constantly have our genders questioned and invalidated by others, which leads to us sometimes unwillingly joining them and starting to invalidate ourselves as well. But this does not mean that your gender isn’t real.

If it sometimes feels right to be called a guy and sometimes not, you could perhaps be genderfluid. Maybe between a guy and a nonbinary gender, in case being called a girl always feels wrong.

But that is up to you to discover and figure out, not me. You are the only one who can feel what your gender feels like, so you are the only one who is qualified to accurately label it. And if it feels wrong to call yourself nonbinary, that might not be it after all. Like I said, only you can decide what labels should and shouldn’t be used for you.

Important

John told Sherlock things he couldn’t and wouldn’t tell anyone else. He revealed his darkest secrets, but without the safety net of any faulty memories. He acknowledged his delusion in front of Sherlock, a secret he’s been guarding from the beginning of the episode. He broke down. And Sherlock understood what he needed to do and what he needed to say. That scene is their most intimate and honest to date.

They have both grown so much, and that growth has been towards each other.

What a beautiful thing.