you are gonna take my tampons

✰ * º ❛  new girl sentence starters.  ❜

‘  i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.  ’
‘  damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!  ’
‘  i’m really bad at making decision.  ’
‘  if i had a dollar for everybody i couldn’t hang out with because they hated you, i’d be so rich.  ’
‘  i just want to listen to taylor swift alone.  ’
‘  pink wine makes me slutty.  ’
‘  i’m like a mailman, except instead of mail, it’s hot sex that i deliver.  ’
‘  i don’t mean to be laughing, but are you okay?  ’
‘  i had figure skating lessons since i was thirteen and then my mom sobered up and realized i was a boy.  ’
‘  i don’t think it’s fair that women have an excuse once a month to act irrationally angry when the rest of us have to keep it together all the time.  ’
‘  this plan is officially the worst!  ’
‘  don’t pretend to know my pain.  ’
‘  you misspelled the word ‘rhythm’ 38 times.  ’
‘  i’m as mad as a dad in traffic!  ’
‘  i could do this all day, son!  ’
‘  you sons of bitches ready to party?  ’
‘  i’m dealing with a dingus.  ’
‘  you’re the most throat-punchable boy in all the world.  ’
‘  that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.  ’
‘  oh, goodness gracious! what are you, a sorcerer?  ’
‘  i can buy my own pizza! can somebody please loan me $15?  ’
‘  i gotta tell my best friend i’m in love with her.  ’
‘  i’m– i’m pregnant. i mean, you’re pregnant. we’re pregnant!  ’
‘  what kind of taco meat do you bitches have?  ’
‘  i think you need me too much.  ’
‘  i’m gonna be fine. i am. you know why? cause i met you. that’s why i’m okay.  ’
‘  i’m the voice of reason, that’s why you brought me with.  ’
‘  we didn’t bring you with. you followed us there in your car.  ’
‘  saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me!  ’
‘  i’ve seen his penis like… a million times.  ’
‘  he’s my best friend. what if he gets into an accident? what if he’s horribly disfigured and i have to identify him and all that remains are his private parts? and i’m standing there and i’m saying, ‘no officer, i can’t help you because no, i haven’t seen his penis’ and then boom! he’s buried in an unmarked grave.  ’
‘  people are the worst.  ’
‘  hey, do you have any snacks?  ’
‘  it’s a weird life, but it’s where i’m at right now.  ’
‘  i was put in an awkward situation and i reacted poorly.  ’
‘  it is perfectly fine to watch tv all day!  ’
‘  i am not a successful adult! i don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.  ’
‘  as a matter of fact, i am tired and i am hungry.  ’
‘  if i don’t know what’s gonna happen, i don’t do something. ever. i don’t care how much i want to do it.  ’
‘  i’m gonna hit your ass with a ski.  ’
‘  i want to cover everything up on my body with bubbles.  ’
‘  how cute am i?  ’
‘  i’m a color-blind american citizen and i can’t do puzzles.  ’
‘  what’s your problem? don’t you want me to have a good night?  ’
‘  maybe if we get drunk then magically everything will just happen.  ’
‘  anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for.  ’
‘  every prank you do turns out either too big or too small.  ’
‘  it burns! it burns!  ’
‘  why does your hair look so baby soft?!  ’
‘  how do you get this thing off? get it off of me!  ’
‘  everyone drinks midori sours! it’s a melon liqueur!  ’
‘  what do i think the puzzle will look like? the pictures on the box. it’s a japense garden!  ’
‘  what the hell is wrong with you, just waving that thing around like an idiot?  ’
‘  give me the spot or i’ll kill you all!  ’
‘  i will shred myself! i will shred myself in the shredder!  ’
‘  that tastes disgusting, i don’t like it.  ’
‘  sometimes i feel like you’re in one of those weird man-dog body-switch movies.  ’
‘  where are your nipples, man?!  ’
‘  stop being so mean to me or i swear to go i’m going to fall in love with you!  ’
‘  i want you to get off my farm!  ’
‘  i don’t have a vagina!  ’
‘  this is my only face! i don’t have a lot of faces!  ’
‘  i refuse to pay for the wifey.  ’
‘  i don’t like it! it’s too much responsibility!  ’
‘  shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? no, a summer’s day is not a bitch.  ’
‘  gave me cookie, got you cookie! you gave me cookie, i got you cookie, man!  ’
‘  back off, i’m starving!  ’
‘  your job could be done by a vending machine.  ’
‘  i thought god just didn’t give me abs.  ’
‘  what you’re doing is illegal.  ’
‘  i’m not taking advice from you. you pronounce the ‘g’ in ‘lasagna’.  ’
‘  and i’m taking this remote because you always hit the info button by mistake.  ’
‘  are we all just living in the mind of a giant?  ’
‘  i don’t trust fish. they breath water! that’s crazy.  ’
‘  do i regret it? yes. would i do it again? probably.  ’
‘  i can’t work under pressure like this. you know i get nervous. i am just a man. i am not a god.  ’
‘  first order of business: we eat their food.  ’
‘  can i get an alcohol?  ’
‘  if you are for one second suggesting that i don’t know how to open a musical, how dare you!  ’
‘  the bees are back!  ’
‘  i haven’t gotten a non-text message in two years.  ’
‘  the only acceptable pet for a man to have is a saltwater fish.  ’
‘  the point of dating is just to keep on dating and then never stop. it’s like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.  ’
‘  you ever wonder if someone in here has killed someone?  ’
‘  you realize i say ‘goodnight’ to you every night and you never say ‘goodnight’ back? what is your problem? do you not want me to have a good night?  ’
‘  i’ve made out with half of the people in this room.  ’
‘  i’ve had nightmares about making out with two of the guys in this room.  ’
‘  ah! son of a bi– …penis. that wasn’t better.  ’
‘  someone’s personalized condoms just came in the mail.  ’
‘  i just found a groupon for hypnosis lessons. think about what you could do with that! sex stuff.  ’
‘  has anyone seen my good peacoat?  ’
‘  hahaha. what a dumb idea. do it!  ’
‘  this is the coin i had in my pocket the first night we kissed. and i always have it.  ’
‘  i feel like i want to murder someone and i also want soft pretzels.  ’
‘  i hate doors!  ’
‘  suck it, mr. krabs!  ’
‘  no, i don’t dance. i’m from the town in footloose.  ’
‘  are you sure you’re okay? you’re walking like a disney witch.  ’
‘  he asked me if i wanted to watch planet of the apes. i didn’t know he meant right now.  ’
‘  would you eat your damn sandwich?  ’
‘  when you see a dog cage for sale, you buy it.  ’
‘  you know… i don’t get what’s going on here.  ’
‘  hey, you made a difference. how does it feel?  ’
‘  do you have a tank top i could borrow? you look about my size.  ’
‘  cheers to unemployment!  ’
‘  i was about to catch you but then you fell.  ’
‘  there are tampons hidden all around the apartment.  ’
‘  i think somebody had sex in my bedroom last night. i think that because they’re still in there having sex, i think.  ’
‘  please take that thing off. you look like a homeless pencil.  ’
‘  we are gonna make it!  ’
‘  i’m not ready to lose you. i just got you and i’m not letting you go.  ’
‘  i can think of five reasons why i wanted to be your friend: boob, boob, vagina, butt cheek, butt cheek.  ’
‘  actually, that’s not fair, she might be a really nice ho.  ’
‘  i’m not doing squats or anything. i’m just trying to eat less donuts.  ’
‘  you’re gonna be fine. you’re gonna meet somebody and you’re gonna fall in love.  ’
‘  who’s gonna… lay down a flag on this sweet, sweet continent?  ’
‘  i like to improvise with my body. i’m like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience.  ’
‘  you can run away from your problems, but you’re just gonna find new ones that pop up.  ’
‘  i hope you like feminist rants ‘cause that’s my thing.  ’

DNA MV - a shitpost

Okay firstly, look at this fucker knowing we’ll die from the comeback

Jimin representing us ARMYs after the comeback

Yes, Jimin, we know we need help

Ah, yes, look at our leader being the fucking pied piper and enticing us with his flute hand

I mean look

Now he’s gonna act like he did nothing and run away bighit after they drop something at midnight

It’s okay, Namjoon, we forgive you not you bigshit stan a group that stans you back

Also this scene was totally unnecessary, but I’m not complaining 

Jin: *me when my period unexpectedly shows up in a public setting*
Jimin: *that one friend who’s got my tampons/pads, basically got my back

Also this is literally how I change angles when it comes to taking selfies

Bitch, do you see this 

This is the panic spreading throughout my body when bigshit drops something

But bigshit’s like:

Like my heart hurts, dude , S T O P

oh hello look it’s a cutie passing by

and here is seokjin, good luck on surviving the visuals

Accurate representation of how bias-wrecking works

Also Yoongi highkey checking Jeongguk out

and the ships in this mv

jesus christ

that high5 tho

oh hello another cutie

nevermind

this post is a mess idek what I’m doing k bye

anonymous asked:

Josuke, Jotaro, Dio and Abbacchio hc with s/o on their period

Originally posted by sashakatz

Headcanons of Josuke with s/o on their period

  • Josuke feels a little creeped out but he tries to deal with it. Considering that he’s an only child, he never had to deal with listening to feminine hygiene until he met his s/o
  • When s/o is moody, Josuke offers them chocolate and some soda. Unfortunately, the soda only makes things worse
  • Josuke tries to learn more about periods from his mother. He now knows how pads and tampons work
  • Josuke is an A+ male nurse. He brings food to s/o in their bed and feeds them after bringing them a heat pack to place on their abdomen
  • He gathers all the courage he can to go buy tampons and pads for his s/o. The boy isn’t sure what to exactly buy so he gets both pads AND tampons
  • Josuke feels bad that he can’t use Crazy Diamond on something that’s already functioning and natural, so he holds onto his s/o’s hand and tells them encouraging words to help them cope
  • “Crazy Diamond can’t help fix any of this.. but I’m gonna help. Hang in there. After this, I’ll take you to my favorite fast food joint. Promise!”
  • He offers s/o painkillers to help lessen the pain
  • Josuke is a hen-pecked boyfriend when s/o gets angry and yells. He feels angry that he’s getting yelled at but he understands that it isn’t his love’s fault that their hormones are out of control

Headcanons of Jotaro with s/o on their period

Headcanons of Dio with s/o on their period

  •  Dio wouldn’t think twice to ignore s/o. He cares about their well-being but he wouldn’t do much if it’s a natural occurrence
  • He’d sit in bed or in a comfy chair, reading a book if his s/o gets upset. The guy would feel impulsive and lash out at his s/o but he can’t do much if it isn’t their fault
  • Dio would feel tempted to have a taste of his s/o’s menstrual blood, but obviously he’s rejected with the idea when s/o is busy screaming out their throat from the pain
  • He’d ask Enyaba to mix herbs and elixirs to help lessen s/o’s pain
  • He provides fresh fruits for his s/o to consume. Little does he know that ‘sweets’ that his s/o requested was actually chocolate
  • Dio makes Enyaba provide fabric and cloth as pads for his s/o

Headcanons of Abbacchio with s/o on their period

  • He feels a little disgusted when his s/o announces their period. “Girl stuff”.
  • Abbacchio uses some of his dirty money to buy Italy’s finest chocolates for s/o
  • He’d hug and hold his s/o when they’re sobbing or feeling down. Leone would also tell Passione that he’s gonna have to take a day off to take care of his sweetheart and make sure they’re okay
  • Abbacchio would want to kiss his s/o’s cheeks and forehead but his lipstick. When s/o still encourages him to kiss, they’re covered in his dark purple lipstick

anonymous asked:

Tfln where you're in desperate need of tampons and Harry's already out so you ask him to get some for you (I'm on my period rn and could use this)

Harry / You

-HARRY
-ARE YOU STILL OUT
-HARRY EDWARD STYLES IM TEXTING YOUUUU

-I’m here love
-Not paying attention to my phone. Sorry

-WELL
-Okay…. this is… embarrassing 

-What?
-Hurry.  I’m about to check out.

-NO DON’T
-….OKAY.
-This is like….. a step.
-A milestone, if you will.
-We’ve never like… talked about this.
-This is a big deal in this relationship.
-Jeez

-I’m getting in line.
-You’re taking too bloody long.

-NO WAIT
-…okay.
-So
-I need…. tampons…..

-Thats it?
-You couldn’t just type that?

-HARRY YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND BUT WE’VE NEVER DISCUSSED MY PERIODS BEFORE

-Did you think I just assumed you never had a period?

-NO BUT
-I DON’T KNOW

-What tampons do you need?

-!!!!!!

-Stop acting like this is a big deal, y/n.
-You’re adorable. And you need tampons.
-And if you don’t tell me, I’m gonna get these weird cup looking things.

-NO NOT THOSE
-NOOOOO
-NO

-Ha ha.  Alright I wont. 
-What do you want, love?

-Seriously?

-Y/N….
-Come on.

-OKAY I NEED TAMPAX REGULAR TAMPONS
-ITS LIKE… YELLOW ON THE BOX
-YOU’RE SO CUTE AND NICE I DON’T DESERVE YOU

-What on earth do you mean?
-Any decent boyfriend would get you tampons.

-Thats not what my ex said

-You know how I feel about him, love.
-He wasn’t a decent boyfriend, now was he?
-Just proves my point. 
-Tampax pearl?

-…. yes.

-Got it.
-Wish you would’ve just told me love.
-You’re still cute. Even on your period.
-Just wish you didn’t think it was a big deal.

-BUT 

-It’s not gross.  Its normal.
-And I adore you.
-I’m in line now.  Tampons and ice cream are in the cart.

-WHAT

-And cuddles are coming your way.
-Be prepared 

-God you’re cute….

-Back at ya, bug.

Not Like The Others part 3

Request: “Can you mix asshole reader, manupilation powers!reader, bff pietro!reader, jealous!bucky, bucky being sooo in love, reader mayyybe loves him back but she is soo good at hiding that, idk summary of all this is reader is an asshole and such a smartass (tony vibes) bucky loves her cause she is different than all other girls. she is the only person makes him laugh and he just fells for her aand the avengers finds out about that and tease him and her yayy! multiple parts would be amazing as fuck”

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: swearing (by now you should know there will be a lot of swearing in my fics lmao)

A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading my work and giving me feedback, it really means a lot to me. With that being said, here’s part 3 :)

Bucky sat on the couch with all the guys (actually just Steve, Clint, Sam and Tony) while you were in your room, chatting it up with Natasha and the twins. Bucky sighed and rubbed his face with his hands when the topic of you came up in their conversation.

“So, anything interesting happen with Y/N yet?” Clint questioned and Bucky’s cheeks heat up at the thought of what happened in the gym the other day.

“No.” he simply responds and Tony’s eyebrow quirks up.

“Really? Because the camera footage from the gym says otherwise.” Tony spoke and Bucky’s cheeks got redder, if possible.

“Ooo what kind of scandalous act did you get into?” Sam questioned with a smirk, interested in what he had to say.

“Nothing, it was nothing.” Bucky brushes it aside.

“Steve was still in the room when it happened.” Tony says and Bucky hides his face in his hands.

“Oh, now I really want to know what happened.” Sam laughed.

“I second that.” Clint briefly puts his hand in the air like he was in elementary school again.

“Come on, what’d you two do, Barnes?” Sam nudges his leg with his own and Bucky continues to hide his blush. Sam turns to Steve and nods his head. “What’d they do?”

Steve shakes his head, a smirk evident on his face. “It’s not my place to tell.”

“It’s not my place either but I’ll say it.” Tony spoke, grabbing Sam and Clint’s attention. “Bucky and Y/N were dry humping on the bench press.”

Both Clint and Sam’s mouths shoot open and Bucky picks his head up quickly. “That’s not what happened!”

“Really? Then please tell us what did happen.” Clint responds.

“She just - I was like - we didn’t-” Bucky sighed, obviously stumbling over what to say.

“So it’s true.” Sam laughed. “Oh man, I didn’t take you for a kinky guy, Barnes.”

“Shut up.” he groans. “She was just trying to get a rise outta me.”

“And she did. The camera got clear footage of your soldier standing at attention when you got up.” Tony joked, causing the others to laugh.

“Fuck you Tony.” Bucky murmured, leaning back in the couch.

“I’m pretty sure you’d rather have Y/N do that.” Clint added and they laughed harder.

Bucky shook his head, hiding his face in his hands when you walked in. “Hey guys, whatcha laughing at?”

They all turned to you, even Bucky picked his head up, the deep blush still evident on his cheeks.

“Bucky.” Sam responds as you open the fridge, gathering four water bottles in your arms to take back to your room.

“What’s it about? I wanna laugh too.” you say, turning to them. “Is it about how he pissed himself before he could make it to the bathroom because that was golden.”

The boys erupt in laughter yet again, pointing at Bucky in a mocking way. “You what!?”

Bucky glared at you but it was more playful than anything. “You were taking too long and wouldn’t get out of the bathroom.”

“I had a perfectly good reason for taking long.” you reply. “I was bleeding from my vagina. It’s a monthly thing.”

“Alright, we didn’t need to know that.” Tony makes a face and you roll your eyes.

“Man up, Stark, stop being a pussy.” you say. “One day you’re gonna get married and guess what? Your wife is going to bleed monthly and she’s going to be cranky and moody and want cuddles then hate you and you’re gonna have to go to the store for her and buy her tampons and-”

“What the fuck are tampons?” Tony interrupts you and Clint gives him an ‘are you serious’ look.

You smirk. “Tampons are something women stick up their vag to soak up all the blood.”

Tony makes another face. “Oh, gross.”

“You’re such a baby.” you roll your eyes again, turning away from the boys. You suddenly stop, remembering how Pietro and Wanda suggested you just ask Bucky out for coffee so that you two could talk.

You turn back to them and look directly at Bucky. You didn’t want to put him on the spot, knowing how embarrassed he’d get so you gesture for him to come to you. “Bucky come here.”

He perked up, standing on his feet immediately. The others watched as he made his way over to you and Tony smirked. “They’re probably gonna dry hump each other like they did in the gym.”

Bucky stood in front of you, blushing at his words as his gaze dropped to the floor. You look over Bucky’s shoulder at Tony and glared hard. Your eyes flashed yellow and Tony groaned, knowing you were about to use your powers on him yet again, before you made him grab the pillow beside him and forced him to hit himself with it. Clint, Steve and Sam laughed, watching Tony hit himself with the pillow while you turned back to Bucky.

“Hey.” you say, causing Bucky to look at you.

“H-Hi.” he stuttered and you smile, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“So, I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna get coffee tomorrow morning? With me? If you don’t that’s completely fine, I get it. It was just an idea in my head, nothing too serious.” you try playing it off and Bucky smiles.

“Like a.. date?” he questioned.

You smirk. “Call it whatever you want, Buck. Just wanna spend time with you.”

Your words make him smile even more and he nods. “Yeah, I’d love to get coffee with you, doll.”

“Great. I’ll come around your room say.. eight o’ clock?” you suggest and Bucky nods, his head still not wrapping itself around the fact that you basically asked him out on a date.

“Yeah, o-okay. See you then.” he responds. You smile at him, arm stretched out as you snap your fingers causing Tony to stop hitting himself. You throw a wink Bucky’s way before turning around and heading back to your room with a huge smile on your face.

Bucky’s cheeks were hurting from him smiling too much. He turned back to the guys, a smile so bright it could outshine the sun, and sat back down. Tony was patting his face softly, mumbling on about how he hated when you used your powers on him but Bucky paid no attention to him. You had asked him out on a date.

“What’s got you smiling, Buck?” Steve asked his friend and Bucky smiled even more, if possible.

“Y/N asked me out on a date.” he beamed, suddenly feeling his stomach feel weird. “My stomach feels like it’s going to throw up a new stomach inside of me. What’s happening.”

Clint and Sam snickered across from him. “You’ve got butterflies, my friend.”

“Typical reaction when a girl does anything that involves her crush.” Sam adds.

“But I’m not a girl.” Bucky states.

“You sure about that?” Sam questioned and Steve hits his shoulder.

“Leave him alone guys, he’s in love.”


A/N: Tell me what ya think :) I hope you liked this part

Tags:

@witchwhoviandemigod @your-puddin @heismyhunter@jas94kullar@buchananbarnestrash @live-in-the-now10@jcb2k16@plumqueenbucky @thefandomplace @chocolatereignz@blueberry-pens @ladydork @professionally-crazed @idk-something-amazing-i-guess @justawildmarebearmcrbvbfob @janetgenea @my-l0st-w0nderland @learisa @dontfuckwithkezolas@ultraohmyjoshimsodunwithyou @coley0823 @buckysmetallicstump @epitomeofmalevolence @girl-next-door-writes @chi-girl1996 @mizzzpink

SURPRISE MOTHERFUDGERS EVEN MORE AUS

“You work at the cubicle next to me and you keep sending paper airplanes with messages on them you’re gonna get caught” AU

“Two Hogwarts prefects from different houses adding and taking away points from each other” AU

“We’re roommates yes there is red tape across the room don’t you dare step on my side” AU

“So, which tampons do you think are the best?” AU

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“I’m just gonna ignore your creepy bulletin board of River Song’s timeline okay” AU

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“Yo I like this punk patch on your jacket whoa you didn’t need to give it to me” AU

“The last bag of salt and vinegar Goldfish I need it for binge-watching you need it to study who needs it more?” AU

“We’re playing ToS and being called skypers even though we’ve never met wtf?” AU

“The Classic: Two people whom hate each other must play the two romantic leads in the play” AU

“Both of our online dates were no shows wanna jet?” AU

“‘SINCE WHEN HAS SLEEP WITH BEEN CODE FOR SEX?’” AU

“I’m not afraid of scary movies so I fell asleep quite easily on the couch oh my head drifted on your lap sorry” AU

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“We’re both on the bus and you’re listening to the Murder on the Orient Express soundtrack on blast wtf???” AU

(for OT3s) “GRYFINDOR! SLYTHERIN! GRYFINDOR! SLYTHERIN! GRYFINDOR! SLYTHERIN! Hufflepuff!” AU

“Bro it’s my Aunt’s wedding next weekend and she expects me to have a date do you think you can pretend?” AU

“Whoa I meant to go into the really hyper masculine movie in the next theatre not this rom-com mess but hey it’s pretty good so far would you like some popcorn?” AU

“HALLOWEEN WOOOO’ ‘Babe it’s the middle of May’ ‘GET SPOOKY WITH IT’” AU

“We’re both in the kid’s pool with our little cousins oh geez we are WAY too old but hey you’re cute I’ll rally” AU

“COMIC BOOKS ARE NOT JUST FOR KIDS” AU

“Hey we both got Chocolate Frogs from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter wanna trade your Helga Hufflepuff for my Albus Dumbledore?” AU

“We’re in the same compartment on this train and you’re asleep it’s your stop next but you look so peaceful I don’t want to wake you up” AU

“Another Classic: We’re assassins hired to kill each other at this party but you’re pretty chill wanna dance?” AU

“No I do not want to learn that dance move it looks dangerous” AU

“You seriously want me to paint your nails okay then let’s do this shiitake mushroom” AU

“Could you write down your top ten favourite singers/bands for me please? Thanks wait these all say “My Chemical Romance” AU

“I’m a ghost hunter and you are the sassiest ghost I have ever met seriously find your chill” AU

“We’re still roommates and I know you always keep a can of cotton candy in your panty drawer what no I was getting the cotton candy not your panties” AU

“I can’t tie a tie for the life of me can you help me whoa you are way worse at this than I am” AU

“Okay I’ve never made a dip tye-dye shirt but I’m preeeetty sure this is not how you do it” AU

“Yes it is three am in the morning and I am running down the apartment halls yelling #LoveWins wearing rainbow stuff and playing Same Love wanna join me?” AU

“What do you mean this is your hoodie yes I found it in your room but it’s too comfy to be yours it’s mine” AU

“Could you not play My Heart Will Go On on your keyboard all the time?” AU

“Huh we’ve cosplayed as the same character wanna walk around yelling about paradoxes together?” AU

“Yes this Christmas sweater has the letter A on it no I am not A shut up Aria” AU

“'JOSHUA RAMSAY’S HAIR IS A GIFT TO MANKIND’ ‘That’s it you’re never drinking again’ 'WHY DON’T MORE PEOPLE LIKE THIS BAND’” AU

“Hey I just saw a post of AUs wanna act some of them out?” AU

Once again, credit me or not, I really don’t care! Have fun smol writers.

this is taking entirely too long but they finally did the gd test for cervical cancer today (it was painful and kinda bloody, i saw my cervix Again and was subject to hearing a bunch of opinions on shit like childbirth and stereotypes about men and gmo in cotton that is used in tampons) and in two weeks i will Know and like, strap in and watch me spiral into the depths of anxiety hell i’ve never reached before! gonna be fun!

also please if you think i should find a better doctor who knows how to shut the hell up/who i will trust enough to speak about being bi and nb and not wanting to hear anything about children and gender, don’t say anything. i know that myself but i have no energy for that kinda feat, also i’m pretty sure a doctor like that is like a fucking unicorn aka does not exist in this time and place where i am

anyway, it’s nice to have a space where i can share this

THE SIGNS AS QUOTES FROM PENNSATUCKY IN ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

ARIES: “Don’t be talkin’ about tampons while I’m sittin’ here plottin’ my revenge.”

TAURUS: “Men being in charge has never done me any good.”

GEMINI: “It’s a metaphor, you potato with eyes.”

CANCER: “Are you calling me Hillary Clinton?”

LEO:  “Are you jealous that I’m kind of pretty now and you’re not?”

VIRGO: “Yeah, I said stupid twice, only to emphasize how stupid that is!”

LIBRA: “I gotta take care of myself, Ching Chong China Doll.”

SCORPIO:  “She disrespected me. Now, I’m gonna have to kill her.”

SAGITTARIUS: “You smell like a fucking turtle tank.”

CAPRICORN: “You know what? Pardon my French, but you can eat my shit.”

AQUARIUS:  "I feel free as a bird. No, like, not even a bird. More like a snake.“

PISCES: “I don’t have rage… I’m just sad.”

CARTMAN: Well, well.
CARTMAN: I’ve been expecting you, Kyle.
KYLE: No shit. Seeing how this is actually my room.
KYLE: In my house. Where I live.
KYLE: Where you will be getting your fat ass out of, pronto.
CARTMAN: Hmm, no. I don’t think so.
CARTMAN: I’ve got a bit of a bone to pick with you.


KYLE: Did you.
KYLE: Did you bring your God damn cat in here?
KYLE: How long have you been in here??
CARTMAN: A few hours, not important.
CARTMAN: See, I know of somewhere else you live.
CARTMAN: You live in the moment, Kyle.
KYLE: Get out of my room.

CARTMAN: Any prior engagements don’t matter to you, as long as something is going on.
CARTMAN: For example, you may have forgotten about a certain plan someone had rigged up, that you were a crucial part of.
CARTMAN: And you may have run off to do something more important, or more pertaining to your interests.
CARTMAN: Well, I’ve got news for you, Kyle.
CARTMAN: I’m not going to let you Jew out of this again.
KYLE: If you use Jew as an verb one more time, I swear to God, Cartman.
CARTMAN: Because you chose to run off last time, our plan failed and I wasn’t able to get the appropriate material I needed.
CARTMAN: But this time, it’s going to be different.


KYLE: No, it’s really not.
KYLE: I’m not going to help you blackmail my friends, Lardass, I would’ve thought you could figure that out on your own.
KYLE: I was *never* going to help you do it, and I’m not going to help you *ever* do it.
KYLE: Now, just. Take your stupid cat and go, alright?
KYLE: I’m so not dealing with your dumbass crap right now, Cartman.

CARTMAN: Geez, gonna change your tampon when I leave? Cause it sounds like you need to, Kyle.
KYLE: Ugh.
KYLE: What I need is to be able to go five minutes without feeling I live in some discount soap opera.
KYLE: You here with your shitty swivel chair is helping that by approximately nothing.
CARTMAN: What, did your boyfriend make you pay for dinner again?
CARTMAN: Is that what has your panties in a knot?
KYLE: No. But Stan’s mom and Wendy did send him off to a rehab clinic in Denver this morning.
KYLE: And they wanted me to be there, for reasons best known only to themselves, apparently.

CARTMAN: Really. Wow. That’s interesting.
KYLE: Convincing.
KYLE: Now get the hell out already.


CARTMAN: Kyle, wait.
KYLE: No.
CARTMAN: How long is Stan gonna be gone? I should know how long I should expect you to bitch about it.
KYLE: Six weeks.
KYLE: Now out.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

Best Friend Break-up~part5~Luke Hemmings

It had been three weeks of you and Luke pulling pranks on each other trying to get back at each other from everything that had gone down. Every single time you walked into your dorm, there was either a mess, or something was missing. Today when you got there, there was a sock on the door. You groaned, you had no idea why it was there but you knew it was Luke. You took it off before unlocking the door. 

What you found was a ton of open, and maybe used, condoms all over your bed. You couldn’t help but laugh. You were mad, but you had to laugh. How could he have even gotten this many condoms open and onto your bed in a short period of time? 

You quickly gathered your purse and headed off to the store to buy pads and tampons to put on his bed. You knew all boys hated those things and he would be pissed. You would handle the condoms later but Luke was in class right now for another hour and a half so you didn’t have much time. 

Once you got everything you bought onto his bed, you quickly left going back to your door to clean up the mess Luke made. There was a soft knock at your door and you figured it was your roommate who forget her key. 

“Luke?” You asked when you answered the door. He gave you a half smile and offered you his hand. 

“Truce.” He said and you giggled shaking his hand repeating the word. “Wanna go get some coffee or something?” 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” You smiled at him. It was fun pranking Luke. It was like old times when Liz would let you into his room on the first day of school to pour cold water on him to wake him up. 

“I know a sorry won’t make anything better but I am sorry.” He said. 

“It just hurt,” You locked the door. “That the only person who really cared about me didn’t actually care about me.” You shrugged as you walked down the hall looking at him. 

“I know. And I know that there’s no way for me to make it up to you. But I would love to be friends with you again. I missed you.” He rested an arm on your shoulder’s as you walked. 

“I didn’t ask from much from you. Just for someone to care about me as much as I cared about them.” You looked at his hair that was seeming to fade. “How come you never dyed your hair back to your regular color?” 

“Thought it was a good story to tell people when they asked.” He smiled and you giggled. 

“I thought the condoms were funny.” You said and he laughed. 

“I didn’t like the pads and tampons. I made my girlfriend clean them up.” 

“I used gloves to clean up the condoms. They weren’t used right?” You asked as he opened the door to the coffee shop for you. 

“Of course not.” You both walked over to the counter ordering what you wanted, pulling out money but Luke insisted on paying. “This is the start to my apology.” He said and you nodded. 

“It’s gonna take a lot.” 

“I know, but I’m willing to do it.” 

vines i think about on a daily basis

Lawnmower

Kiss Kiss Fall In Love

hehehe

LiterallyYYY

the lip thing at the end gets me every time

“Hey Ron.” “Hey Billy.”

waitressing: part 4

WHY DOES THIS VINE SAY THEY WERE AT RED LOBSTER

shakespeare: a summary

fake banana confirmed 

I’m a What?

*sigh* I wish

He has too many so I picked my favorite recent one… this on is perfect too

the only trilogythat even matterstbh

waitnothere’s another one

i don’t even carehow this series startedor even whybut these are incredibleand i need more

a goofy cover

you know she dead

“you know what this means”

nothing could have prepared me for this

winter in a nutshell

reason #227 of why I don’t want to be a parent

“You’re going to wish it did”

tv crime drama

“WE ARE THE COPS!”

I’ve died and gone to heaven

this vine is my weakness

*straight to happy tears*

questionable directions

“ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?”

the sax solo from careless whisper would have also worked here

i don’t remember this part of the song

me after reading one paragraph in any textbook

Broom!Broom!

swag.

me af

when a vine is TOO accurate

confusion. realization. acceptance.

oh HELL NO

infomercials

same

souljaboytellem

here’s lookin’ at you kid

is canada even real?

YAAAS!

are you hungry?

team 7/11 vs team swallow the roast

tag yourself. i’m karen

are you mad at me?

the parent cycle is vicious

wait for it

that cry though

ring ring ring

this vine gives me life

whip it real good

i want a cocktail

a wild shrek appears

this vine leaves more questions than answers

Quincy is a national treasure

the little idiot

an avacado

when that beat drops

what a wholesome vine

SO NIIIIIIICE

Drugs?

who is she

WHO IS HE (aka the only parody that matters)

that’s mY OPINION!!!!

that’s what i’m talkin’ about

why didn’t i think of that before

baa

AAH MAA GAHD

the poop is coming

using the shower at a friend’s house

beautiful

the fucking pot

help

make him learn

“it’s gonna be may” 

juanita loves jesus

family reunion

TRUTH.

steppin’ on the sponge

“selfish”

this honestly deserves an oscar

SAVE HIM!

“we have a runner!”

mac n’ cheese

well…

“what the???”

marco. polo.

when oreos do the thing

the best workout

fr e sh a vaca do

uh oh - run

run: part II

*announcer voice* “Ladies and Gentlemen…”

blep

it’s fucking tight

i’m not sure how i feel about this

cure to sadness works 100% of time

*incoherent screaming noises*

you can’t make me do anything

finally hit that high note

look out oprah

no fighting shakira

shit

how the hell

so true it hurts

chip reader

caterpillar rave

when your crush becomes single

FUCKING SANTA CLAUS!!!!!

giveemilyapopsicle2k13

i don’t know either

when in doubt, riverdance

these are DEFINITELY the right lyrics

let it out buddy

hit it fergietake two.

sign me up for the next dance class

infinite pineapple

just a couple of dudes

well hello fellas

is this live?

pikachu?

funky jazz electro

no strings attached

pretty floored

so anyways

what is love

at the height of the horse head meme

*whispers to self* why do you do this

is this not how the movie went

it’s a preference

i’ve had an affair

fork in the garbage disposal

not gonna cry

*whispers* yeah

this shit is bananas

fuck greg part 1

fuck greg part 2

give me my string cheese

WHY IS THIS IMPRESSION SO PERFECT

comet ≠ star

lucky shot

no comment

what up i’m jared

probably at an american high school

lazy eyed white bitch

lifay sahviers

heeeeeey

graph

used car salesman


HONORABLE MENTIONS:

that girl who pops a tampon out of her nose to bo$$  by fifth harmony but she deleted the vine and now nobody can find a version of it

that guy who freaks out and starts pretend dancing because his bro requested fireflies by owl city at the club

please feel free to add your own!! (note: the ones from youtube I couldn’t find on vine anymore)

*Drabble Request*

139.   “Blood. Blood everywhere.”

141.   “Asking for a friend… Do you know how to get a foot out of the toilet?”

______________________________________________________________ 

Sam looked down at his phone. “Why are you calling me?”

“Um, asking for a friend… do you know how to get a foot out of the toilet?”

Sam bit back a laugh. “Having a problem, are we?”

“Can you help me?”

Sam sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

“Don’t tell Dean.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Sam hung up and disappeared down the hall for your room. He stepped through the room and knocked on the door to your bathroom. “Y/N? It’s me.”

“Come in. Wait, promise me you won’t laugh first.”

“Come on, Y/N. Would I do that?”

You were silent for a few moments. “I… yeah, you would.”

“I have half a mind to leave.”

“Don’t!”

Sam chuckled to himself before twisting the knob in his hand. Opening the door, he saw quite a strange image. You were standing next to the toilet, one foot stuck inside, the other in a puddle of what Sam assumed was toilet water. Your cheeks were red and… so was the crotch of your pants.

“Y/N, what happened?!”

“Please don’t look,” you said, your hands dipping down to your pants, trying to hide the stain. “I just… I need some help.”

Sam stepped over and looked at your foot in the toilet. It appeared that your slipper had gotten caught in the hole. He reached in and pulled your leg, which did nothing.

“Okay, hold on. This might hurt.”

You braced yourself, placing your hands on Sam’s shoulders. He carefully gripped your ankle, twisting it slightly. He heard you hiss in pain and he quickly twisted and pulled, freeing your foot. He carefully set your foot down on the floor before reaching in and plucking the slipper out.

“Okay, now, how did this happen?”

“One of you giants decided to be a jackass and hide my extra…. things on the top of the cabinet, knowing I can’t reach it.”

“‘Things’?”

You looked down at the floor. “Tampons.”

Sam looked up and sure enough saw a blue box on top of the cabinet, pushed toward the back. He reached up and took the box down, handing it to you.

“Thank you,” you mumbled.

“Hey,” Sam said, putting a hand under your chin. “It’s okay, Y/N. This is nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s completely natural.”

You looked up at Sam. “Why are you so calm about this? Why are you so helpful?”

Sam smiled. “Because I’m your big brother. I’m supposed to take care of you.”

You reached forward and hugged Sam. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest.

A few moments later, you said, “Um… Sam?”

“Yes?”

“I, um… I really like this moment but I kind of have something I need to take care of…”

“Oh. Right.” Sam pulled away. “Of course. I’ll… leave you to it.”

Sam stepped out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He headed back to the library where he found Dean.

“Hey,” he said. “Where’ve you been?”

“Helping Y/N.”

“She okay?”

“Yeah, she just… had a little issue. Mostly because you put something very important in a place she couldn’t reach.”

Dean laughed. “What was it?”

“Her tampons.”

Dean paled slightly. “Oh. That’s… probably not my best idea…. Was she… was there…”

Sam nodded. “Blood. Blood everywhere.”

“Oh, God. She’s gonna kill me.”

“It’s a possibility.”

Dean looked around. “I’m… I’m gonna go out for a while. Just until the tension eases.”

“See you in a week.”

______________________________________________________________

Drabble Games! Send me a number and a character :)

Helpful hints for cramps

If you’re anything like me, you’re dying of cramps at this very moment. Soooo I’m going to make a list of things i do to help.

1. Heat. Not just anywhere but directly above the cramping pain. It can be a hearing blanket, a water bottle you heated up (please note that you put hot water in a refillable bottle and don’t just hear up a plastic one) or a heated rice sock.

2. Cool. Try to cool down the rest of your body. A reason you may be so uncomfortable I’d because while you’re enduring these cramps, your body temperature has risen ever so slightly, but that can throw you off a lot. Take a cool shower or sit next to a fan.

3. Find the spot. All vagina owners that get cramps know what I’m talking about. Lay or sit down, find the spot, and don’t move. Make sure you have all you need before you sit though, or have someone who can bring you things.

4. Dark chocolate. It’s healthier than milk chocolate and actually helps cramps more than other chocolates.

5. Drink a LOT of water. Trust me.

6. Using pads instead of tampons actually makes quite the difference. It takes off pressure or something.

7. If it works, you should take midol over others aspirins. It’s made for cramping and period pains.

8. i find that complaining makes me feel better. At some point people stop feeling bad for you, but then you can just complain more because they’re ignoring you and they don’t care how much you complain anymore.

Please add some if you have any i didn’t list. I need help cause I’m gonna be out all day and my cramps suck. Any on the go tips would be welcome

Oh My Stress: part 2

You can request continuations of current scenarios, but they will be posted between NOV 26 and DEC 22nd!

Part ONE

Originally posted by jackson4president

You’d woken up late the next day, finally relaxed now that your finals were over and you were done with uni for the year. You stretched, glancing at your phone, sighing as it read 2pm, and you felt like today was going to be a good day. You stretched, rolling out of bed and frowning as a knock sounded from your front door. You begrudgingly headed for the door, glaring as you opened it to your very surprised neighbour. Did he say his name was Jackson? You thought, unsure if you should address him by name or not.

“Did you just wake up?” he laughed, eyeing your shorts, tight singlet, and dishevelled hair, and you to crossed your arms over your chest self-consciously.

“Maybe,” you sighed, “Did you need something?”

“Hey, I helped you last night,” he placed a hand on his chest, gasping in mock offense, “I’ve come to ask a favour in return,”

You groaned at the memory of locking yourself out of the apartment when in reality your keys were in your pocket the whole time. You didn’t tell him that though, he’d never let you live it down.

“I’m expecting a package sometime in the next 2 or 3 hours but I got called into work to sort something out,” he continued and you yawned, wiping the sleep from your eyes, “Do you mind if I leave a note on my door asking the delivery guy to give it to you? and I’ll pick it up on my way back? I don’t want it sitting out in the hall,”

“Sure,” you said, it was simple and you smiled at the way his face lit up in relief, like you’d just saved his life.

“Thank you! Okay, this is my number could you text me when it arrives?” he thrust a ripped piece of paper into your hands with his name and number scrawled across it, “I shouldn’t be long, I’ll be back around 5 or 6. Thanks!”

Jackson jogged away and you watched as his hair moved. It looked so soft and nice and you wondered what you’d have to do to get your hair looking that nice when it wasn’t styled. You closed your door, deciding you were too lazy to cook food so you ordered in take away and sat on your couch watching movies until another knock made you jump. You looked at your phone, it was already 4:30, where the hell did the time go?

“Are you Y/N?” a greasy teen squeaked at your appearance and you smiled politely, nodding, “I have a package for Jackson Wang, there was a note on his door saying to leave it with you?”

“That’s fine,” you nodded again, signing for the package and closing the door, eager to get away from the teen’s gaze. You held the medium sized box in your hands, it was relatively light and the label read that it was shipped from China, which interested you. It didn’t look like it was from a company, it looked more like a personal package. Was Jackson Chinese? Or did he know someone in China? You wanted to know but you set the box down, respecting his privacy and texting Jackson that his package had arrived before turning to get back to your movie when you felt a dangerously familiar sensation in your abdomen.

“Fuck me,” you swore, hurrying to your bathroom and cursing your ovaries as blood stained your underwear. You opened the draw underneath your bathroom counter, your stomach twisting as 1 lone tampon stared back at you.

“Nice,” you said to yourself, glad you had at least one. You took your underwear off, rinsing them and setting them to soak in cold water so they didn’t stain and went to have a shower to clean yourself up. Afterwards you trudged back out to your living room, holding your stomach as cramps decided to fuck you over on your first free day all semester. You snatched your phone from Jackson’s box and collapsed on the couch. You were too lazy to go and get more tampons but you needed them so you texted your best friend, Jack, an American exchange student you’d befriended to help you with English and he’d turned into one of your favourite people.

I’m dying. Bring me tampons and I’ll buy you food, you wrote, laughing as he replied not two seconds later.

//sigh// fine, it better be good food though. I’ll be there in 20 (✿◠‿◠), he replied and you smiled at the cute emoji, you thought he didn’t like to use them. He’d always said cute wasn’t his style. You waiting patiently, holding a pillow to your stomach in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain and you jumped as someone rapped repeatedly against your door, not letting up until you opened it.

“Hi,” Jackson grinned and you were suspicious as to why he was so happy, “I didn’t know what brand you liked so I got a few but I didn’t get the cheapest ones because I feel like they’d be dodgy?”

“What?” you frowned at him in confusion, gesturing for him to come in.

“You texted asking for tampons?” he raised his eyebrows, setting three little colourful boxes on your kitchen bench and you felt your face flood with heat as you blushed.

“N-n-no, I texted my friend… Jack…” You said, more to yourself than Jackson, instantly realising your mistake.

“Jackson,” he smiled, pointing to himself and holding his phone up for you to see the texts yourself.

“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly, covering your face with your hands, “I didn’t realise… fuck me,”

“I would but I don’t think you’d enjoy it that much at the moment,” he smirked, moving to pull your hands from your face, “It’s fine, Y/N I’m not some immature teenager. Did my package come?”

You nodded towards your counter, thankful he changed the subject, and Jackson let out the cutest, most high-pitched squeal you’d ever heard come from a guy before. You glanced over his shoulder as he tore open the box, pulling out various packs of herbs and leaves and Chinese foods.

“What’s that?” you asked and he glanced at you over his shoulder, pulling an envelope from the box and setting it gently on the table as he inspected the foodstuffs.

“My mom sent me stuff from home,” he said, clearly overjoyed by the contents.

“You’re from China?” you asked, kicking yourself for asking something so rude.

“Yeah, I came here to work a few years ago,” his eyes followed you as you moved to sit on a chair in front of your kitchen bench, arms wrapped over your stomach, “cramps?”

You blushed as you looked away, not wanting to talk about your period with the neighbour you’d only met last night. Jackson sighed, rolling his eyes as he grabbed a packet of something and moved into your kitchen, boiling your kettle.

“Don’t be so embarrassed, geez,” he said, looking through your cupboards and pulling out a mug, “I can help,” he put a pinch of the tea leaves in your mug before pouring boiling water over the top and you’d admit it smelt really good.

“My mom used to give this to me when I had stomach aches or nerves or whatever,” he mumbled, setting put the mug down in front of you, “You can eat the tea leaves too,”

“It takes good,” you nodded to him in thanks.

“That’s because it’s my mom’s, duh,” he said in a matter of fact tone and you rolled your eyes, “what food are you gonna buy me? I’m hungry,”

“Whatever you want, order one for me too,” you said, getting up and picking up the packs of tampons, “I’m gonna go put these away. Thank you, by the way,”

You turned to walk away before he could respond and you emptied the three packets into the drawer in your bathroom. At least you wouldn’t have to buy some for a while. You sighed, walking back out to see Jackson sitting on your couch, holding your tea out to you.

“We’re friends now, by the way,” he stated, “You can’t get rid of me now,”
You laughed, shaking your head as you plopped down beside him. He flicked through the movies on your hard drive, and you stared at him, yawning as you crossed your legs and he lifted his arm, letting you settle underneath it, resting your head on his shoulder. Was it weird you felt so comfortable with someone you’d only met last night? Probably. Did you care? Not really.

“Are you a boy or a girl?” he asks, staring up from all three feet of his pudding face grandeur, and I say “Dylan, you’ve been in this class for three years and you still don’t know if I’m a boy or a girl?” And he says “Uh-uh.” And I say “Well, at this point, I don’t really think it matters, do you?” And he says “Uhhhm, no. Can I have a push on the swing?” And this happens every day. It’s a tidal wave of kindergarten curiosity rushing straight for the rocks of me, whatever I am.

And the class, when we discuss the Milky Way galaxy, the orbit of the Sun around the Earth… or whatever. Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, and kids, do you know that some of the stars we see when we look up in the sky are so far away, they’ve already burned out? What do you think of that? Timmy? “Umm… my mom says that even though you got hairs that grow from your legs, and the hairs on your head grow short and poky, and that you smell really bad, like my dad, that you’re a girl.” “Thank you, Timmy.”

And so it goes. On the playground, she peers up at me from behind her pink power puff sunglasses and then asks, “Do you have a boyfriend?” And I say no, and she says “Oh, do you have a girlfriend?” And I say “No, but if by some miracle, twenty years from now, I ever finally do, then I’ll definitely bring her by to meet you. How’s that?” “Okay. Can I have a push on the swing?”

And that’s the thing. They don’t care. They don’t care. Us, on the other hand… My father sitting across the table at Christmas dinner, gritting his teeth over his still-full plate, his appetite ripped away by the intrusion of my haircut, “What were you thinking? You used to be such a pretty girl!” Frat boys, drunken, screaming, leaning out of the windows of their daddys’ SUVs, “Hey! Are you a faggot or a dyke?” And I wonder what would happen if I met up with them in the middle of the night.

Then of course there’s always the somehow not-quite-bright enough fluorescent light of the public restroom, “Sir! Sir, do you realize this is the ladies’ room?” “Yes, ma’am, I do, it’s just that I didn’t feel comfortable sticking this tampon up my penis in the men’s room.”

But the best, the best is always the mother at the market, sticking up her nose while pushing aside her daughter’s wide eyes, whispering “Don’t stare, it’s rude.” And I want to say, “Listen, lady, the only rude thing I see is your paranoid parental hand pushing aside the best education on self that little girl’s ever gonna get, living with your Maybelline lips, stairmaster hips, synthetic kiwi-vanilla smelling beauty; so why don’t you take your pinks and blues, your boy-girl rules and shove them in that car with your fucking issue of Cosmo, because tomorrow, I start my day with twenty-eight minds who know a hell of a lot more than you. And if I show up in a pink frilly dress, those kids won’t love me any more, or less.”

“Hey, are you a boy or a — never mind, can I have a push on the swing?” And some day, y’all, when we grow up, it’s all gonna be that simple.

—  Andrea Gibson, Swing Set

Why is it so weird for girls to take out pads or tampons in public?! Like why do we have to be all secretive about it? Sorry I’m not sorry that my bleeding out of a bodily orifice offends you. It isn’t like it is the side-effect of me having the ability to give birth or anything. But you are gonna let me take out a pad and not throw a hissyfit.

Thank you.

gemmamorgan  asked:

❂ + luis or lucky take ur pick / ☼ / $ / ☽

meme town // @gemmamorgan

  • ❂ for a text about another character (specify other)

( sms ; germa 👀 ) you know how your dad said i could bring my dog to work??
( sms ; germa 👀 ) luis came in and lucky lost his shit and he just knocked over a whole shelf
( sms ; germa 👀 ) can you stall your dad can you tell him you need him to bring you a tampon or something i’m gonna cry 

  • ☼ for a joking text

( sms ; germa 👀 ) making you a bouquet out of hammers and screwdrivers. told your dad it would be a winter wedding!

  • $ for a lying text

( sms ; germa 👀 ) it’s a latergram. i melted the elephant last week.

  • ☽ for a sleepy text

( sms ; germa 👀 ) did you make it home safe?
( sms ; germa 👀 ) concerned
( sms ; germa 👀 ) GEMMA
( sms ; germa 👀 ) 1 emoji as proof of life i beg

day 1: shopping w/ michael at target would include

- him running straight to the starbucks inside

- ”michael you don’t even like coffee”

- ”I’m getting it for you, gotta take care of my girl” 

- making you dance to the shitty elevator music playing 

- setting all of the tablets to play never gonna give you up

- “but babe i need it” 

- holding hands down the aisles 

- “y/n the tampons are buy one get one free do you wanna stock up” 

- putting you on his shoulders to reach the top shelf

- asking an employee which color he should dye his hair next

- “babe, its a golden pig” 

- “michael, its a paper weight” 

- “are you saying i don’t have papers to be weighed” 

- making out in the changing rooms 

- getting in trouble for making out in the changing rooms

- forgetting what you came to get in the first place

Me: *discreetly tries to take a tampon out of my bag* 

Professor: Erin, you know I have a strict policy against food in my classroom. 

Me: I don’t have any food. 

Professor: So now you’re just gonna to look me straight in my face and lie? I know what I heard. 

Me: Right so like I said, it’s not food.  

Professor: *crosses arms condescendingly* oh really? So then what is it?

Me: It’s a tampon because I’m menstruating.

Professor: Ahh well then……

anonymous asked:

TFLN! Harry texting Grace because she asked him to get her some emergency womanly things and he's utterly confused....:) please and thank you

What did I ask you yesterday?

I mean

You probably asked me a few things, but I can’t remember them.

I asked you if you needed anything at the grocery store.

Do you remember what you told me?

I think I said I didn’t need anything.

Yeah

And now I’m at your house because you asked me to stay over and make dinner

But all you have in the fridge is three day old pizza

And and open beer.

Shouldn’t you have been prepared?

Shouldn’t I have…

Oh my word

Go to Tesco before you come home.

I need a bell pepper, a can of tomato sauce, some garlic, an onion, a package of chicken breast, a box of any pasta, some basil, oregano, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream.

Chocolate sauce and whipped cream?

;)

And Tampons

Wait

What?

What?

You want me to get

Like your lady products?

Yeah, I don’t have any more here and I just got my period.

Why?

Is it a big deal?

I just

Don’t you

Like

Y’know like to

Pick them out yourself?

Isn’t it personal?

No

They’re just tampons

I’ll give you the money for them

I don’t want the money

Can’t I just take you to get them?

I don’t want to go back out.

I have cramps and I’m tired.

So I’ll just pick up dinner then.

No, we had takeout last night.

Just go to Tesco and get what I asked you to.

But

What if someone sees me?

Like what if they take my picture in the lady care aisle

They’ll think I’m a pervert.

No one’s gonna think you’re a pervert.

They might!

And they’ll put it on the internet and everyone will think I’m some creep that buys girly things.

Or they’ll think you’re a decent boyfriend who doesn’t get weirded out by feminine care products. 

They’re tampons.

They’re not gonna kill you.

I promise.

….

..

.

Why are there so many different kinds?

Is there a difference?

Do you have a preference?

Why is being a girl so stressful?

Cardboard or plastic?

Regular or Super?

What about Super Plus?

What kind of flow do you have?

Why aren’t you answering me?

Grace?!

Everyone is looking at me!

….

..

.

So I bought them all.

And someone definitely took a picture.

So tomorrow the headlines will read

HARRY STYLES DROPS EIGHT BOXES OF TAMPONS IN THE MIDDLE OF TESCO

Thanks