you are a comedian

8

Margaret Cho: Trolls Who Call Me ‘Fat And Ugly’ Are Admitting Defeat

Margaret Cho has a simple philosophy for dealing with degrading comments about herself: If you’re debating a woman and you stoop to calling her “fat” or “ugly,” you’ve already lost the argument.

The comedian explains how to turn misogynist attacks into a “more palatable and pleasurable” experience.

As liberals, we totally got the idea of patriotism jacked from us. When Trump asks for the worst of this country - like a Muslim ban, transgender bathroom bills, defunding Planned Parenthood - he’s considered to be the most patriotic. But when we ask for the best of this country as liberals - No Ban No Wall, Black Lives Matter, equal pay, gender equality, LGBTQ rights - we are considered anti-patriotic. When really, we’re the most patriotic. Fighting for equality is the most American thing you can do.
—  Hasan Minhaj, comedian and Daily Show correspondent, in an interview with Bust Magazine
A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma

by Catherine Woodiwiss

1. Trauma permanently changes us.

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.

2.  Presence is always better than distance.

There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases.

It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence.

3.  Healing is seasonal, not linear.

It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year.

Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons.

4.  Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both.

This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way.

A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey.

5.  Grieving is social, and so is healing.

For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed.

It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize?

Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others.

6.  Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not.

“I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!”

When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false.

Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while.

7.  Allow those suffering to tell their own stories.

Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures.

8.  Love shows up in unexpected ways.

This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance.

Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest.

9.  Whatever doesn’t kill you …

In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:

“Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”
Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.

There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.

10.  … Doesn’t kill you.

Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger.

It also may not.

In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.

Not So Berry Legacy Challenge

Do you like the rainbow? Do you like the idea of playing with berry Sims but hate berry Sims? Do you want to mess around with aspects of the game you’ve never used before? Boy, do I have the challenge for you!

Welcome to the Not So Berry Legacy Challenge, a ten generation legacy with a focus on bright colors and new experiences.

Basic Rules:

  1. Each heir must represent the color of the generation (i.e. hair, makeup, clothing), but brightly colored skin is not necessary (these aren’t actually berry Sims, that’s the joke). Of course, this is optional but a big portion of the fun.
  2. The colors of the spouses don’t matter as they aren’t part of the challenge. Unless otherwise stated you can do whatever you please with them.
  3. Money cheats can be used, but not excessively. Suggestion: use freerealestate for your first home, but no cheats afterward.
  4. You may live wherever you please unless something is specified in the rules of a generation.
  5. Every generation is supposed to complete both the career and aspiration of the heir unless explicitly stated otherwise.
  6. Keep the lifespan on normal.
  7. If you play this challenge and want to share it with us, go ahead and post with #notsoberry so we can see!

My good friend @alwaysimming​ and I kind of created this challenge on accident, but I think it turned out pretty great. We wanted to make something that forced us to play with parts of the game we’ve never explored before. Hopefully you’ll have fun too. You can follow our gameplay on @mintiphresh​ and @lea-fey​ (pronounced “minty fresh” and “leafy”)!

Keep reading

ask me some stuff

I’ve gained a bunch of new followers lately so ask me so send me a number!!!

1. selfie
2. what would you name your future kids?
3. do you miss anyone?
4. what are you looking forward to?
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?
6. is it hard for you to get over someone?
7. what was your life like last year?
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?
9. who did you last see in person?
10. are you good at hiding your feelings?
11. are you listening to music right now?
12. what is something you want right now?
13. how do you feel right now?
14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?
15. personality description
16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?
17. opinion on insecurities.
18. do you miss how things were a year ago?
19. have you ever been to New York?
20. what is your favourite song at the moment?
21. age and birthday?
22. description of crush.
23. fear(s)
24. height
25. role model
26. idol(s)
27. things i hate
28. i’ll love you if…
29. favourite film(s)
30. favourite tv show(s)
31. 3 random facts
32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?
33. something you want to learn
34. most embarrassing moment
35. favourite subject
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?
37. favourite actor/actress
38. favourite comedian(s)
39. favourite sport(s)
40. favourite memory
41. relationship status
42. favourite book(s)
43. favourite song ever
44. age you get mistaken for
45. how you found out about your idol
46. what my last text message says
47. turn ons
48. turn offs
49. where i want to be right now
50. favourite picture of your idol
51. starsign
52. something i’m talented at
53. 5 things that make me happy
54. something thats worrying me at the moment
55. tumblr friends
56. favourite food(s)
57. favourite animal(s)
58. description of my best friend
59. why i joined tumblr
60. ask me anything you want

The Midheaven and the Public Appearance

Many people who have been studying have become quite understanding of the nature of their rising sign and how this reflects their personality as an individual (as the 1st house of ‘I am’).

Though the Ascendant plays an important role as to how you recognise yourself, your personality and sense of individuality, your Imum Coeli, Descendant and Midheaven also play an integral role to core components of who you are in relation to the context of your family, relationships and in the eye of the public.

Ever noticed how your personality changes when you’re with your family compared to when your with friends or your romantic partner? And bringing the romantic partner into the family life can initially cause a sense of tension? (4th/Cancer square the 7th/Libra…makes sense!?).

In this segment, we are going to explore how the sign on your Midheaven can display how you are perceived in the eye of the public. This means how you will appear to people who barely know you, people who you walk by in the street or on the bus, to your social media platforms and the reputation you gain through your career. When watching celebrities on television, you are far more likely seeing their MIDHEAVEN sign (and 10th house activity).  

Take note the sign of the ruler of your Midheaven is in and read about that placement as well (especially if you have an empty 10th house) + you may also like to read about the planets in the 10th, though the sign of your midheaven and its ruling planet will be far more potent in relation to how you are perceived in the public eye and what you are most ‘famous’ for.

Note

  • I have listed as many possible positive and ‘not so positive’ reputations you may gain in the eyes of the public. Those that apply will greatly vary on the entire natal chart.
  • I am specifically referring to the Midheaven though planets in the 10th house will affect the presentation of the public image so those may be accounted for.
  • Aspects to the midheaven such as the conjunctions and opposition may be accounted for, though trines, textiles, and squares can give energy to the Midheaven also, their manifestations will be slightly more subtle. If you are new or intermediate to astrology, aim to only read about conjunctions or oppositions to your MC if you have any. Oppositions will indicate conjunctions to the IC (Imum Coeli) and this will mean that planet is hidden from the public.

Aries (Mars)

  • Known for being a Pioneer and a self premotor
  • Being known as an entrepreneur
  • Independent and Passionate in the eyes of the public
  • Known for having a fiery personality
  • Temperamental and Aggressive in the eyes of the public
  • Talks about/focuses on the self
  • Selfie fiend
  • Social media tends to focus on the self
  • Sexual presentation to the public eye
  • Known for associations with sex
  • Not caring about the publics opinion
  • Being known for being Impulsive  
  • Made it to the top through their own efforts
  • Known for physical fitness/athletic ability
  • Number one (in their own world)
  • Competitive in the eyes of the public
  • Moving ahead regardless of what anyone else does/says
  • Possibly swearing/harsh language or humour
  • Self-focused role modelling for others
  • The public looking up to you for leadership
  • Taking the lead for the public
  • Fighting for your goals/ambitions/career  
  • Known for pushing through and fighting against all odds
  • Masculine sense of power and authority
  • Being recognised for ones own efforts
  • Fearless of the public
  • Known for starting (or contributing) online fights
  • Known for being combative
  • Being known for starting a new trend
  • Not scared to be on stage
  • Assertive, strong, persistent and forceful in the eyes of the public
  • A reputation for being single/doing things solo
  • Can be seen as naive to the public
  • Known for speed/doing things quickly/fast service


Taurus (Venus)

  • Beautiful in the eyes of the public
  • Sensual and natural public presentation
  • Known for wealth (how much or lack there of)
  • Known for being stubborn, persistent and strong willed
  • Known for being slow at progressing (perhaps mainly in career)
  • Bringing beauty and sensuality to the public
  • Being comfortable and calm in the eyes of the public
  • People see you for your beauty, water and what you have
  • People recognise you for the quality of what you have, your career and the things you make
  • Being recognised for your down to earth nature
  • Being known for being grounded and practical
  • Known for connection with nature, the land and mother earth
  • Known for the things you produce
  • Being known for your weight
  • Being recognised for your voice/singing/speaking
  • Being recognised for artistic endeavours
  • Known for being reliable and predictable
  • Can stay in the public eye for as long as you want
  • Being known to be cool, calm and soothing to the public
  • Known for body work (from body art, makeup, massaging, wrestling ect)
  • Recognised for being materialistic
  • Well known for disliking change
  • Well known for staying in a particular field for a long time
  • Known for physical strength
  • Known for being lazy, hedonistic and unmotivated
  • Known for doing little physical labour
  • Gaining a reputation for buying and selling things


Gemini (Mercury)

  • Known for written blogs, books, newspapers, magazines ect
  • Known for numerous posts on social media
  • Known for being very active on social media
  • Being talkative, communicative, inquisitive and curious in the eyes of the public
  • Known for your skills in technology/like-dislike of them
  • Being a teacher/source of a lot of information in the eyes of the public
  • Sharing a lot of information through all forms of communication
  • Known for being articulate, quick witted, humorous and good with words
  • Known for being a wordsmith and playing with the meaning of words
  • Known for written works/informative works
  • Having many usernames/nicknames/several personas, and constantly changing them
  • Having many social media accounts
  • Known for being inconsistent in the eyes of the public
  • Having serval careers/jobs at once
  • Doing many different things at once in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being a bit of a comedian
  • Known for what you say and how you say it (talking too fast/too slow/not much/or a lot)
  • Being intellectual and mentally stimulating in the eyes of the public
  • Known for the information you give
  • Known for your siblings
  • Well Known in your neighbourhood
  • Known for the neighbourhood you grew up in
  • Well known in the the local town
  • Known for association with technology and communication devices
  • Popular on the internet
  • Well known by people on public transport
  • Being known as a ‘know it all’


Cancer (Moon)

  • Being known for your family/family name
  • Being known for who your mother is/was
  • Known for your relationship with mother figure
  • Being known for your association with women and mothers
  • Being known as a gentle and nurturing person
  • Known for being at home a lot
  • Known for working at home/the home property/your home
  • Known for growing, caring and mothering people/things (animals or land)
  • Being recognised for being moody or ‘crabby’
  • Being known for being clingy
  • Known for being sweet and sensitive
  • Known for being a parent
  • Being emotional vulnerable in the eyes of the public
  • Well known for your emotional nature (for better or for worse)
  • Being protective and defensive in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being temperamental and over emotional
  • Known for being soft and timid
  • Known for addressing female/women’s issues
  • Known for real estate
  • Crying in public
  • Being well known for being protective
  • Being protective and defensive of your public image
  • Being vulnerable to the people of the public
  • Known fort your sense of intuition
  • Being at home in the eyes of the public
  • Being the mother figure for the public
  • Nurturing and caring for the public/the career
  • Known for being conservative, private and traditional
  • Having a motherly public image


Leo (Sun)

  • Known for being creative and playful in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being bold and courages in the eyes of the public
  • Shining on stage
  • Enjoying the attention and admiration of the public
  • Performing your absolute best when you know everyone is watching
  • Being a show off in the eyes of the public
  • Being over dramatic in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being confident and your authentic self in the eyes of the public
  • Being fun and childlike when relating to the public
  • Well known for your hair
  • Being seen as bossy and acting like a little princess
  • Known for being very generous to the public
  • Known for putting on a performance (for good or bad)
  • Well known for expressing oneself
  • Known for being vain and having an overwhelming ego to the public
  • Known for having a status of near royalty
  • Being seen as a king or queen in the eyes of the public
  • Known for relationship with the father figure
  • Known for being special, passionate, demonstrative and dignified in the eyes of the public
  • Being well liked and charismatic to the public people
  • Known for being happy, warm and friendly  
  • Having a sunny disposition in the eyes of the public
  • Being seen as a show off
  • Seen as having a bright, sunny and happy personality in the eyes of the public
  • Known for creativity and self-expression 


Virgo (Ceres - or Mercury if using traditional ruler)

  • Known for being practical, on point and on time
  • Well known for a sense of practicality and efficiency
  • Known for being nit-picky and fault finding in the eyes of the public
  • Being seen as quiet and shy in public
  • Known for being innocent and modest
  • Known for following the rules
  • Being observant and orderly in the eyes off the public
  • Known for being a health guru
  • Begin recognised for worth ethic and precision
  • Known for being an expert at what you do
  • Having a near perfect public image
  • Well known for service and employee status
  • Known for doing a job very well
  • Having a routine in relation to being in the public
  • Well known for being narrow-minded and perfectionistic
  • Being critical of the public
  • Known for cleanliness and orderliness
  • Known for self-deprecation and/or being an overachiever
  • Wanting to appear perfect in the eyes of the public
  • Well known for being humble, unselfish and hardworking
  • Know for being a specialist
  • Having keen observation skills in the eyes of the public
  • Putting the public into categories
  • Trying to perfect the public
  • Known for being minimalistic 
  • Known for playing the role of the nurse and caregiver 
  • Seeming as if you take care of your own problems (you’re your own saviour)


Libra (Juno- or Venus if using traditional ruler)

  • Known for being harmonious and sweet
  • Known for being beautiful
  • Well known for your marriage or relationship partner
  • Recognised when with, or in relation to the romantic partner
  • Known for having feminine qualities
  • Known for artistic/musical abilities
  • Known for being a fence sitter
  • Being peaceful and charming in the eyes of the public
  • Being agreeable to what they public wants/does/says
  • Known for being a romantic and attractiveness
  • Being diplomatic and a gentleman/woman in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being indecisive and compromising
  • Known for your business partnerships and deals
  • Known for your appearance (beauty)
  • Being known for your aesthetic tastes
  • Taking the opposing viewpoint of the public
  • Known for being flirtatious and flattering
  • A reputation for being superficial or too agreeable or passive
  • Known for always being with someone else
  • Being seen as a model
  • Being known for fairness and equality (either in or out of politics)
  • Gaining a reputation for not standing up for yourself
  • Known for being two-faced
  • Projecting a false public image
  • Gaining a reputation for being the ‘side person’ in tasks and careers
  • Known for being a councillor or a mediator


Scorpio (Pluto)

  • Hidden from the eyes of the public
  • Known for being mysterious and secretive
  • Barely seen in the public eye
  • Known for being transformative and intense
  • Known for being dark
  • Been seen as sexual and magnetic in the eyes of the public
  • Diving deep into the psyches of the public
  • Provoking a sense of intimidation in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being quite powerful
  • Known for being dominant and in control
  • Causing intense reactions in the public
  • Known for your powerful position over the public
  • Transforming the people of the public
  • Obsessing over your public image
  • Known for being taboo, raw and authentic
  • Having a love/hate relationship with people of the public
  • Known for healing, shamanistic and mediumistic abilities
  • Being known for associations around birth, death and transformation
  • Known for being intensely passionate
  • Known for being self-destructive (and to heal the self after)
  • Being known for being obsessive and destructive
  • Keeping yourself hidden from the public
  • Being known for associations with violence, horror and gore
  • Known for contact emotional fluxes
  • Known for witchcraft 
  • Epitome of a character from The Walking Dead or Game of Thrones
  • Known for having deep psychological penetrative abilities
  • Your shadow self on display for everyone to see
  • Exposing the truth to the public


Sagittarius (Jupiter)

  • Gaining a reputation for being philosophical and spiritual
  • Known for being a happy-go-lucky and a optimistic person
  • Known for publications and teaching
  • Being happy, fun and good humoured in the eyes of the public
  • Being playful and jovial in the public eye
  • Being well known overseas and or for associations with foreign cultures
  • Being known as stretching the mind of the public
  • Known for being religious or anti-religious
  • Known as being opinionated and/or argumentative
  • Known for being self-righteous
  • Being inspirational and giving hope and faith to the public
  • Well known for being blunt and straight to the point
  • Known for being brash and openly honest
  • Known for being a thrill seeker and a bit of a daredevil
  • Gaining a reputation for being a traveler and being a bit of a gypsy/nomad
  • Known for associations with horses and/or the great outdoors
  • Speaking the truth to the public, without censoring yourself
  • Known for being a freedom loving hippy
  • Known for being sporty and/or athletic
  • Known for ‘telling it like it is’
  • Known for going with the flow
  • Being known as someone who’s hard to pin down
  • Seeing being a bit wild in the eyes of the public
  • Known for casual, laid back attitude
  • Known for being philosophical and open minded  
  • Being known to casually drop an ‘f’ bomb and swear when feeling like it


Capricorn (Saturn)

  • Perceived as being older than you really are by the public
  • Known for being ‘mature for your age’
  • Known for the father figure
  • Known for being wise
  • Seen as being an authority figure
  • Seen as having a fatherly disposition
  • Looking older than you really are in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being strict and conservative
  • Known for creating structure and regulating the people of the public
  • Seen as a responsible leader in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being hardworking/very involved in your career
  • Seeming hard and cold to the people of the public
  • Being real and practical in the eyes of the public
  • Being seen as a professional
  • Being very well reserved and direct in the eyes of the public
  • Having a rigid public appearance
  • Not showing weakness or emotions in the public eye
  • Commanding the public’s respect
  • Known for being stern and serious
  • Known for being highly ambitious
  • Being seen as classical and traditional
  • Known as being the boss or the leader
  • Gaining a reputation for being in control (for good or for bad)
  • Being known for being retractive and limiting the self
  • Known for being hard on the self and overworking
  • Being known for your struggles and hardships
  • Being known for taking power back
  • Known for never asking for help


Aquarius (Uranus)

  • Being known as an eccentric
  • Being publicly known for doing things outside of the box
  • Known as being a bit of a nerd
  • Known as having a love of outer space
  • Being known for use of technology
  • Popular on the internet
  • Known for being a bit of a rebel
  • Posting weird things on the internet
  • Being known as been a political reformer/rebel
  • Known for wanting to change the way society works
  • Known for having a strange hobby/collection
  • Nerd culture (Star Trek/Star Wars/Game of Thrones/The Walking Dead ect…)
  • Known as being an alternative hippy
  • Known for Astrology
  • Public viewed as emotionally detached from the public
  • Public seeing you as a casual friend
  • Known for doing things in a unique and self-stylised way  
  • Being too unpredictable for the public to have an expectancy of you
  • Known as ‘The weird one’
  • Being known for association with aliens
  • Known for being all over the place and erratic
  • Public never knows what to expect of you
  • Feeling at one with the public
  • Known for being exciting, overwhelming and extreme


Pisces (Neptune)

  • Publicly known for spirituality and psychic abilities
  • Known for associations with angels and spirit guides
  • Being known for love of fantasy
  • Projecting an ideal self to the public
  • Having an illusional public persona
  • Known to constantly change persona
  • Known for being dreamy and unrealistic
  • Known for being a saviour/victim/martyr
  • Being known for being an over romantic
  • Being seen as gentle, sweet and having your head in the clouds
  • Being seen as being out of touch with reality
  • Being known for cosplay, dressing up as fantasy or fiction characters
  • Known for artistic abilities
  • Being known for healing
  • Gaining a reputation for being a storyteller and/or a bit of a lair
  • Known as being a great actor and moulding into different personas with conviction
  • Being known as an empath and hyper sensitive
  • Known for associations with drugs, alcohol or other addictions
  • Known for being unconditionally loving to the public
  • Being peaceful and soft spoken in the eyes of the public
  • Known for being a volunteer and charity work
  • Having a reputation for being a dreamer and having a strong imagination
  • Known for association with the water and the ocean
  • Public seeing that you live in your own dream world
  • Disappearing in the public
  • Known for magic (witchcraft/tarot ect) 
  • Blending in on social media

(Image from Pinterest, artist: Vickisigh ) 

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November Horoscopes

SCORPIO: You can remember every terrible thing that’s ever put its hands on you but recalling a small act of kindness can bring you trembling to your knees. Sometimes you have to fight back against your brain, against the voice that’s telling you that all you’ve ever gotten from the world is heartbreak and devastation. There comes a moment when you have to choose what to forget and what to remember, and that time is on the horizon. You’re running out of space in yourself for newer, softer memories. Don’t cast them away for those things that don’t deserve it.

SAGITTARIUS: Devote time to yourself this month. I know that sometimes every positive thing that leaves your lips feels like a lie and the people that surround you don’t always tell you that you matter, but you’re still whole. Nobody can take that away from you. Do you remember the last time you laughed so hard that your belly ached? I know that it often feels like you’re never going to reach that feeling of joy again, but you will. Don’t be afraid to cut out the people that bring you down. Your heart is not a toy or something to prod and subject to experiments. Act tenderly.

CAPRICORN: Lately everything that’s graced your tongue has been tinged with bitterness, which says more about your taste buds than it does about what you’ve been pressing to your mouth. It’s not always that the object or the person or the situation itself that’s bathed in sourness: sometimes it’s the way you’re consuming it. You have the tendency to take a perfectly sweet environment and turn it into something difficult to swallow, because whenever life comes easily to you a cloud of suspicion engulfs it. Give yourself a break from making things more difficult than they need to be.

AQUARIUS: Have you ever thought that maybe ghost stories fascinate you so much because of your inclination to play dead? It’s so much easier to be a spirit than to have one, to hide under beds and sneak around the issues: but what are you avoiding by doing this? Who are you hurting? I know that this is easy to forget when you’ve been not quite a person for so long, but everyone would much rather embrace your physical form than whisper disjointed fragments to an invisible, intangible body. Existence looks beautiful on you. You were made for color.

PISCES: You have maps with red pen marks littering your bedroom floor because you’ve only ever dreamt of being in a house that isn’t this one. That could be because you love traveling, but it could also be because you’ve never found a place you could comfortably call ‘home.’ I suppose this is a cliche that you’ve seen before, perhaps on a poster in a doctor’s office, but you have to become comfortable with yourself before attempting to navigate landscapes or else every location you visit will feel like a movie set. You’ll find your place eventually. Give it time to grow for you.

ARIES: It’s easier to make people laugh than it is to tell them how you’re feeling, and at this point you could be a stand-up comedian with all the practice you’ve had. I’m sorry that you’ve so often felt the need to hide behind a mask in order to make everyone around you comfortable. I want you to know that you’re allowed to be vocal about the things that make you happy, or the things that upset you. You don’t have to be afraid of asking for help, if you feel that you’re slipping off of the edge. There are so many hands outstretched, ready to lift you up.

TAURUS: You know more than anyone else how exhausting it is to tend to people that don’t deserve it but, for some reason, you keep doing it anyways. Perhaps it’s all become routine, or you’re comfortable with the familiar, however that doesn’t change that your average level of happiness is set on a sliding scale dependent on another’s attention. You define happiness with instagram likes and unremarkable moments: this has become commonplace. It shouldn’t be, but I think that you already know that. So, why are you refusing to believe that which you know is true? For what purpose?

GEMINI: Every dream that you have is short-lived because nobody’s ever told you that it’s okay to linger within a state of indecision. Not knowing what you want from the world has become a dirty secret that you bury in your laundry basket, praying it’ll magically clean itself. The hard truth is that it won’t magically become manageable, but it’s still okay to close your eyes, exhale, and contemplate your personal definition of desire. Stop taking into account the feelings of others when doing this: determine what you wish you could be, apart from any social influences.

CANCER: The smoke alarm has been ringing for days and you haven’t bothered yet to turn it off. There’s something incredibly intimidating about confronting your noisiest problems, and lately your solution to this has consisted of hiding under the covers with tattered photo albums and headphones. I’m not saying that you have to immediately tackle every issue that wanders into your life, but a plan of action is always a good thing to have. Set manageable goals for yourself and try your best to stick to them. I promise, progress will make you feel better.

LEO: So, another person let you down and you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve fallen in love with how tragic your reflection becomes once you’ve cried every night for a week straight. Adopting unhealthy habits has become a game, like how quickly can you ruin your life before anybody asks how you’re doing. Maybe there’s something thrilling about being reckless, but trust me when I say that there’s nothing exciting about actively wrecking your chances for happiness. Allow yourself to heal. Stop punishing yourself for being alive.

VIRGO: Your to-do lists are all written in permanent ink which says a lot about how confident you are in your ability to get things done; this is to say that your list keeps growing at an incredible rate and you’re angry that you can’t keep up with it. It’s easy to blame it on your situation, and that definitely pulls some weight. But I think that a lot of this overactivity stems back to you and the way you hold yourself back whenever you get close to something you could love. Buy some pencils. Prioritize. Stop pretending that you need to save the world.

LIBRA: Spring cleaning has been over for months now but that doesn’t mean you can’t start a little later than usual this year. There are so many dust-covered boxes surrounding your bed that it’s making your allergies worse than ever before; you can’t remember the last time you slept through the night without waking up in a coughing fit because of what you refuse to throw out. I think you need to acknowledge that things are always going to be changing, both the good and the bad, despite how much you dig your heels into the ground. It won’t ever be the same. And that’s okay.

WRITTEN BY: CAITLIN CONLON

Ask me anything

1. selfie
2. what would you name your future kids?
3. do you miss anyone?
4. what are you looking forward to?
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?
6. is it hard for you to get over someone?
7. what was your life like last year?
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?
9. who did you last see in person?
10. are you good at hiding your feelings?
11. are you listening to music right now?
12. what is something you want right now?
13. how do you feel right now?
14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?
15. personality description
16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?
17. opinion on insecurities.
18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?
19. have you ever been to New York?
20. what is your favourite song at the moment?
21. age and birthday?
22. description of crush.
23. fear(s)
24. height
25. role model
26. idol(s)
27. things i hate
28. i’ll love you if…
29. favourite film(s)
30. favourite tv show(s)
31. 3 random facts
32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?
33. something you want to learn
34. most embarrassing moment
35. favourite subject
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?
37. favourite actor/actress
38. favourite comedian(s)
39. favourite sport(s)
40. favourite memory
41. relationship status
42. favourite book(s)
43. favourite song ever
44. age you get mistaken for
45. how you found out about your idol
46. what my last text message says
47. turn ons
48. turn offs
49. where i want to be right now
50. favourite picture of your idol
51. starsign
52. something i’m talented at
53. 5 things that make me happy
54. something thats worrying me at the moment
55. tumblr friends
56. favourite food(s)
57. favourite animal(s)
58. description of my best friend
59. why i joined tumblr
60. ask me anything you want

Your first love gets you raw and open and naive and strong. Your first love gets the secrets that you never even knew you were meant to keep buried away. Your first love teaches you that love isn’t about reckless kissing and hands all over the place, that it’s actually about learning and understanding and compromise and feeling so happy you might explode.

Your first love takes you to the mountain tops and the stars there are more spectacular than any you’ve ever seen. Your first love sits with you until your head finds a home in the crevice between their neck and shoulder and you want to stay, more than anything, you want to stay.

Your first love laughs at your jokes and suddenly you are the world’s greatest comedian, it doesn’t matter that no one ever found you funny before, it doesn’t matter than tomorrow you still have to face the world. Your first love is like a safe, where you hide the treasures most precious to you because you think they’ll be around forever.

Your first love teaches you loneliness, teaches you about endings and goodbyes and emptiness. Your first love makes breaking an arm sound like a walk in the park. Your first love promises that they won’t forget and you believe them until you see them kissing someone else on the street that you used to meet.

Your first love makes you bitter.

And your second love makes that bitterness go away.

—  S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #167 // “Talk about your first love?“ ; "I feel like second loves don’t get enough credit.”