you and i and the vast nevada sky

What do you bloody want from me?

When I get writer’s block I typically write a short drabble to get myself back on track. I felt like I should post this one even though I usually just delete them. Anyways, this is from Lucifer’s POV.

If you like listening to music while you read then you should definitely click here. It’s what I listened to when writing this :)

Another bright bolt split the sky as rain continued to fall on my head, the twisting sensation in my chest making me struggle for air as I glared up at the storm above me.

“What do you bloody want from me!?” I yelled in anger at my father as the rain plastered my shirt against my body. “You abandon me for centuries and now you decide it’s time to start intervening in my life?!”

As if on cue another loud rumble of thunder broke through the sound of rain pattering on the hard, sun-baked sand under my feet. Light filling the sky and momentarily making the blackened clouds light up a dark purple.

“What did I ever do to you to deserve any of this?!” I shouted up at the sky, my voice breaking towards the end as the burning feeling in my lungs grew almost unbearable. I managed to draw in a broken, choked breath of air when a sudden gust of wind blew into me, making me stumble backward until I tripped over a lone rock in the midst of the vast Nevada desert. I let out a long breath as I sat in the rapidly pooling water that hadn’t yet soaked into the ground, running my hands through my soaking hair as I felt the rain trailing path’s down my cheeks. But something wasn’t right…the rain on my face was much too warm.

“Why do you keep trying to erase the parts of me that you’re too uncomfortable to face?” I croaked out, my voice hardly more than a whisper that was quickly lost in the loud patter of rain. I rested my hands in the cold water pooling around me as I stared up at the angry rolling clouds. “Why do you keep reducing me to your labels?” I added when no further bolts of lightning streaked across the sky and no clap of thunder filled the air. I couldn’t take this anymore. I couldn’t take the pain. And I certainly couldn’t take the emptiness that was filling the void that the pain was eating away. Every day I felt less and less, and I knew it was only a matter of time until I felt nothing at all.

“What does it matter,” I scoffed softly as I glared at the brown sand beneath me. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing mattered without her. “You’re never going to answer,” I added as I picked myself up off the ground, slowly standing despite the groaning protests of my soaking, cold body. I drew in another choked breath as I forced myself to hold back a sob.

“I have to give it to you though Dad! You really outdid yourself this time!” I shouted up at the sky. Another blindingly white bolt cutting it’s jagged path, slicing through the clouds just like a metaphorical knife through my chest. 

“Making Chloe and putting her in my path…” I barely even managed to get her name off my lips. What once had been a word full of reverence and hope was now a curse. A bitter reminder that everything good in my life was always just some cruel twisted joke for my father’s amusement. 

“Well congratulations,” I whispered softly just before a deafening clap of thunder filled the desert. “I hope you’re happy with yourself because you finally did it,” I continued as I shook my head at the clouds. I wish I had it in me to keep fighting. I wish I had it in me to try and stand up to him. But how could I when he had everything and I had nothing. 

“You finally accomplished your mission after eons of failed attempts.” I barely even heard my own voice as I turned away from the vast emptiness of the desert before me to face the glistening lights on the far off horizon. Lights that I knew wouldn’t help ease my suffering, lights that may as well not even be there for all the good they would be able to do me.

“You finally broke me.”