you always stay by me

If you weren’t aware, I’m writing an Azriel-centric prequel that you can read here, which is basically a set of interconnected stories specifically about my shadow husband set before ACOTAR (the timeline is jumpy, but fun). 

Well I’m working on the next few chapters right now and I thought some of y’all who have been reading would be pleased to know that of these upcoming chapters we will get to see 

  • Azriel with a doggo
  • Azriel flirting with a male
  • Drunk Azriel, and 
  • Azriel visiting a seer with a certain sister of someone we know…  

Stay tuned…

5

Okay back to happier (?) topics - today’s prompts were firsts/future/tears !!!! and honestly that’s probably a happy set why did I go for this even we might just never know

2

a soft and beautiful man and the sharp asshole that lives in his house

7 Reasons Why

So…. I am currently watching the new tv show “13 Reasons Why” and my mind decided to make a tragically-beautiful connection tooooo can you guess what?? YUP LANCE!! So here are my thoughts once again… hope you enjoy and feel free to comment any other ideas!!
*NOTE* I’m lowkey crying as I’m writing this. My heart isn’t okay. I’m not okay, okay?? *MORE NOTES* So this came out kinda different than the show/book but i hope yall kinda get the idea

  • Lance was dead. Had committed suicide to be exact. And he left his story behind.
  • The tapes appeared from nowhere. No one knew where they came from or where they disappeared to. No one knew that the tapes contained so much in such a small amount of time. No one knew that these tapes would become an ugly part of them.
  • “Hello space pals and gals. Lance McClain (KINDA LOVE THIS LAST NAME) here. Live and in stereo.”
  • Lance starts off by explaining his “7 Reasons Why” (hahaha get it? Cuz he’s the seventh wheel?? *cries*) he committed suicide and his two rules.
    • “Rule number one. You must listen to the tapes. I’m not gonna lie. This is going to be hard to do but you MUST LISTEN.”
    • “Rule number two. When you are done, you must leave them where you found them. And if you, oh lets say, decide to throw them away, tsk tsk tsk…. bad things will happen.”
  • “First and foremost, our mighty and heroic leader, Shiro.”
    • “I wasn’t good enought to be praised by you.” Lance explains that Shiro was a good leader, a great leader one might say. Unreplacable, “unlike me.” So why was it that he never told Lance “great job” or “thanks for the help.” Why did he alway care so much for Keith? Told him “great job out there” and patted him on the back after every battle. Why did he always take his side even when he was in the wrong? Why did he treat Pidge like a little sister? Always taking care of them and making sure they were getting enough sleep. Always being so nice and caring to both. “You were always my hero but why did you not act like it?” He never payed attention when Lance didnt get enough sleep or didnt eat or was sick. Always making him work and train. Always pointing out his flaws without helping him improve them. “Why, Shiro, did you not care for me?”
  • “Can you guess our number two?? Well, I’ll give you a hint. It’s not me this time. *laughs* First time being number two, our excellent number one paladin, Keith!”
    • “Keith my man, I loved you.” (Klangst? WHY TF NOT?!?) Lance always loved Keith, always looked up to him too. He loved to joke around with him, loved to rile him up, loved to bicker with him because thats how he got to talk to him. He knew that they were playing around so why did it hurt so much? “Why Keith, did you always tell me I wasn’t good enough?” Always telling him to leave you alone, always “you’re annoying me” and never “please stay.” Keith always reminded Lance that he was never good enough, never up to his level, never realizing how lance felt. But how could Lance blame him? However, sometimes Keith, you, took it to far to the point where my heart was too broken to put back together. “I’ve always loved you but you made it so easy to hate you, too.”
  • “My favorite green paladin, my little space sister (female pronouns for this), my gaming buddy, Pidge.”
    • “Pidge, did you even ever realize that I saw you as my sister?” Lance saw his little sister in Pidge. He always, like Shiro, did his best to make sure they stayed healthy. He was always fussing over her eating and sleeping habits. So why did she never appreciate him? “Pidge, you never even said thanks you.” Lance just wanted to be a brother to her. So why did she make him a disposable replacement for her missing brother? Always using him when necessary and then throwing him away when it got too much for her? “Leave me alone Lance. Im working.” Pidge sometimes said really hurtful comments to Lance and she never let him help her because why would she let someone “annoying” help? In, reality Pidge was his sister but according to Pidge, “You are not my brother, Lance. Matt is.”
  • “Hunk, my precious beautiful friend. You did nothing wrong but you also did nothing at all.”
    • “Where to start?” Hunk had always been Lance’s best friend but after Voltron things changed. “I noticed that you and Pidge would hang out together, without me.” Lance just wants to be part of their group again. He tried so hard so join, to contribute, to help. But all he got was “you’re distracting us.” Although they didn’t hang out as much, Hunk was the first one to realize that something was wrong with Lance. “You left me alone.” Hunk saw him getting worse and changing throughout the days. He saw but didn’t do anything. “Hunk, why did you not do anything, if you noticed?” Lance wondered why Hunk left him by himself, why he didn’t try to reach out to him, why he didn’t invite him over, why didn’t he? “You could have helped but you didn’t.”
  • “Our beautiful space princess who will save the universe without moi, Allura.”
    • “Sometimes, your pushing for perfection was too much, not just for me but for everyone.” Lance always felt like the odd one out. Everyone was good at something but he never had a “thing” and Allura’s nagging didn’t help. “Keep up Lance!” Keep up with Keith in the training stimulator. Keep up with Pidge’s new machinery. Keep up with Shiro’s battle plans. Keep up with Hunk’s nee inventions. Keep up. “Again.” No matter how hard Lance tried, Allura was never satisfied. Never complementing him, never saying “good job,” never letting him rest, never telling he was good enough. “Why, Allura, did you never see how hard I was trying?”
  • “Lets talk about our seventh wheel, our number one *snickers* sharpshooter, Me! Lance!”
    • “In my opinion, I was the number one at fault for this occurrence.” Lance hated himself. He hated himself for feeling jealous, angry, sad, homesick, depressed. “I just wanted to be like the rest of you all.” Lance wanted to be as good as Keith and as strong as Shiro. He wanted to be as nice and comforting as Hunk. Wanted to be as smart as Pidge and as powerful as Allura. “I wish I wasn’t so selfish.” Lance thought he was selfish. He wished to get “thanks you’s” from the rest. Wished he get praised from Shiro and Allura. Wished Keith would feel the same way. Wished he was home with his famiy. He wished and wished and he hated it. “I wished I was home.”
  • “My favorite alien, Coran, the one who took care of me and who noticed me struggling. Yes, he tried to help but I guess it wasn’t enough since I’m dead now.”
    • “You let me walk away.” Coran tried helping Lance in his own way. But how could an alien understand some Earthly emotions? “We talked but sometimes it was just you talking.” Coran tried to get Lance to open up to him but failed. He always cut off Lance with his own stories so he never let Lance say what was bothering him. “Coran, you were like an uncle to me.” Coran reminded Lance of his uncle and it kinda hurt him. He was constantly reminded of his family whenever he was with Coran. This made his emotions even worse when he talked to Coran because sometimes Coran didn’t understand him. The day Lance died, Coran had told him to just “move on.” Lance just got up and left but he secretly hoped that Coran would come after him. He didn’t. “You wanted me to move on from this and I did.”
  • “I’m sorry.”
I fell in love with her soul. I loved how she composed herself so well yet had a mind filled with so many convictions and ideas. She was worldly, she was funny, she was smart, and she had class. I admired her. She was that girl that had guys crawling on their knees, but she never batted an eyelash. She wasn’t about that. She was much deeper than that, and that is one of the many reasons I loved her.
Sharing A Bed Starters
  • "Did you have a nightmare?"
  • "I had a nightmare."
  • "There's plenty of room for the both of us."
  • "There is not enough room here for both of us."
  • "It's cold. We should try to conserve body heat."
  • "You're not even going to notice because you'll be asleep!"
  • "We've only got the one bed between the two of us."
  • "Quit stealing the covers."
  • "Quit kicking me."
  • "It's better than sleeping on the floor."
  • "It's either this or you sleep in the tub."
  • "Alright. Get up here."
  • "We're sleeping in the same bed, not together!"
  • "Please go to bed."
  • "Sleep is for the weak."
  • "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
  • "Dutch oven!"
  • "You sleep on top of the sheets."
  • "I'll sleep on top of the sheets."
  • "I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?"
  • "You're scared? You can come sleep with me, I guess."
  • "I have to sleep closer to the door."
  • "I can't sleep this close to the door."
  • "Stop getting up so early. You always wake me up."
  • "Stop staying up so late. I can never fall asleep."
  • "We can cuddle."
  • "Just don't try cuddling me or anything."
Must Read YA Novels

Since last year (2014), I’ve been obsessed with YA Novels. Therefore, I decided to make a list of the ones I read last year and consider a “must read”. They are beautiful stories about love, friendship, family, hope, overcoming all odds, and fighting for what you want. There isn’t a single novel in this list that didn’t touch my heart and inspired me in a million different ways. Here you go!

Looking for Alaska - John Green

The Fault in Our Stars - John Green

Paper Towns - John Green

If I Stay - Gayle Forman

Where She Went (“If I Stay” sequel) - Gayle Forman

Love, Rosie (Where Rainbows End) - Cecilia Ahern

Before I Fall - Lauren Oliver

We Were Liars - E. Lockhart

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before - Jenny Han

The Infinite Moment of Us - Lauren Myracle

First Comes Love - Katie Kacvinsky  

Second Chance (“First Comes Love” book 2) - Katie Kacvinsky

Finally Forever (“First Comes Love” book 3) - Katie Kacvinsky

The Geography of You and Me - Jennifer E. Smith

Faking Normal - Courtney C. Steven (One of my ALL TIME FAVORITES)

The Summer I Turned Pretty - Jenny Han

It’s Not Summer Without You (“The Summer I Turned Pretty” book 2) - Jenny Han

We’ll Always Have Summer (“The Summer I Turned Pretty” book 3) - Jenny Han

Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell

I Am The Messenger - Markus Zusak

I’ll be posting my 2015 list soon! :)

This is where I leave you. Here, where
all the kisses we shared are scattered
on the floor like war wreckage. Who
fought more, I wonder? My hands are
bloodier than yours, my cuts deeper. I have always loved with wild abandon while you were always so safe, so
careful. Why are you standing there
with one foot out of the door? I’m not
surprised, you always have. Say you love me but not enough to stay, not enough to clean this up. It’s too messy, my heart and dreams are all over this
place like tattered wallpaper, where is
yours? Is it in the suitcase, is it whole? This is where I leave you darling,
I will try not to look back, I will try not to look at the pictures on the wall, I will try not to love you anymore because it hurts, it hurts.
—  this is not home anymore // Genefe Navilon
I’m so sorry I loved you for so long. I’m so sorry I kept trying to hold onto you when it was obvious you didn’t want me in your life anymore. All you wanted was to be set free and I think I have finally learned to let you go. Not because I want to, but because you’re happy with out me. And all I ever wanted was to make you happy.
—  I’m sorry it took me so long