you all have a patrick star

Patrick Stewart applying for US citizenship so he can ‘fight’ Trump

“You know, we have our own problems. We have Brexit. But I’m not a (US) citizen. However, there is, maybe it’s the only good thing as the result of this election, I am now applying for citizenship. Because I want to be an American, too.” The “X-Men” star continued: “Because all of my friends in Washington said there’s only one thing you can do: fight, fight, oppose, oppose. But I can’t do it because I’m not a citizen.”

CAPTAIN PICARD IS COMING TO SAVE US, Y’ALL  (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

live blogging my reaction to everything that happens

WARNING: SPOILERS

•HES GOT THE SCISSORS
•BARKO DIAZ LMAO
•she has his jacket awh
•fuck you possums
•dead bodies hanging from a tree aight coo
•tiny alligator WAA.
•mountain of tiny alligators WAA.
•SHE TORE THE JACKET FUCK THAT
•"old and grey like you" savage
•they killed her omg that’s dark
•"GRANDMA FARM TO PLAY WITH OTHER GRANDMAS" AWH MY HEART
•damn commercials.
•young moon looks so much like star omg
•APOLOGY MEAT I LOVE IT
•they’re so young and cute awh
•if i had just awoken after 300 years i, too, would immediately want candy
•apology meat pt. 2
•OKAY BUT HIM BITING OFF HIS ARM JUST TO GROW IT BACK TO PROVE HES TOUGH IS LOW KEY FUNNY
•HIS FACE WHEN HIS FINGER DOESNT GROW BACK LMAO THE UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT
•MOON IS SO BADASS.
•damn commercials.
•taco delivery bird.
•ludo’s reaction to the wand hand is how i handle every situation ever
•LUDO THE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE
•"so this is probably not one of my favorite things that’s happened to me" lol me
•"i hurt in places i didn’t know i had"
•glossaryk trying to roast the pudding but it keeps melting off is an excellent metaphor for my life
•he finally cooked it
•i get ludo’s supposed to be evil and all but sometimes i feel bad for the guy.
•damn commercials.
•ew back hair.
•for a second there i thought River missed his wife and then he goes and throws a party
•make that two parties
•river, stop being a dumbass.
•okay now he misses her.
•THEY CALL THEMSELVES MEWMANS AHA
•high key feel bad for the monster for walking all that way for nothing.
•damn commercials.
•shit this things 2 hours long.
•"ima snek" “lol fuk u snek”
•BUFF FROG
•HE HAS A TATTOO OF LUDO FOREVER UNDER HIS BUFF FROG BOOBIE OMG
•star you can’t just NOT HAVE A PLAN
•damn commercials.
•anyone notice the flags on the castle resemble toffees hand with the missing finger??
•marco, now is always the time for butter.
•ruberiot is my two favorite things. patrick stump. and svtfoe.
•the mime is an artistic genius.
•ruberiots voice is sex.
•*casually scratches armpit with foot*
•LEVATADO
•damn commercials.
•star possumfly
•THEY FINALLY FOUND EACH OTHER AWH YAY
•"W-O-N-D"
•BUFF FROG
•stars voice coming out of ludo’s body is uncomfortabl
•TOFFEE.
•damn commercials.
•"she’s gone" SHE CANT BE GONE
•moons eyes welling up with tears made my eyes well up with tears
•POOR LUDO HES SO SAD AWH
•STAR’S BACK YAY
•just kiss already jfc
•oh it’s over okay.
•i like the old ending theme song better.

100 Overlooked/Underappreciated Horror Movie Gems by Max Molinaro

For the past five months I’ve been writing lists of 20 great horror films that I feel may have been overlooked. Here are those five lists assembled in to one place. Enjoy the scares.

Chances are if you are a giant horror fan you may have seen a pretty decent chunk of these, but a vast majority have likely not seen many of them. This is a list of under seen films or movies that aren’t talked about enough when discussing some of the greats…  

  • Possession – I can honestly say there is nothing else like Andrzej Żuławski’s Possession. Starring Sam Neill as Mark and Isabelle Adjani as Anna, Possession is first and foremost about a dissolving marriage. Anna is done with the relationship and Mark tries to salvage it, but revelation after revelation puts more and more strain on their hopes of living happily ever after. As the film progresses it becomes increasingly surreal and disturbing. Mark is livid and lashes out against just about everyone after Anna leaves him, clearly losing his grip. As bad as Mark is becoming, it is nowhere close to the horrors that Anna is facing. Blood drips her mouth and she frequently disappears into a mysterious apartment building. What she is doing in this apartment is something no one can predict and it is deeply troubling. Neill is amazing, but Adjani is the stand out performance in the film. It is an exceptionally physical performance and you can tell that Adjani is giving it her all. One scene where she has some kind of attack that causes her to flail around the ground is extraordinary and the ending of the sequence is truly disgusting. Possession is really an incredible film with many interpretations and some of the most unforgettable images ever put to on screen.

  • The Devils – There is nothing else like Ken Russell’s 1971 highly controversial film, The Devils. Starring Oliver Reed as Father Urbain Grandier, a lecherous, but respected 17th Century priest, who has great power in a small-fortified French town. He marries a young nun after they fall in love, but that drives a hunchback nun (who as loved Grandier and pictured having sex with him as he appears as Jesus Christ coming down from the cross in the film’s most infamous scene) off the deep end and accusing the priest of witchcraft and consorting with the devil. The Devils is insane and feels like a demented acid trip. Filled with amazing performances and unforgettable scenes, The Devils is one of the most interesting (certain people would say offensive) and greatest horror dramas ever made.

  • Martyrs – This is a rough one that’s may even be too much for some horror movie veterans, let alone folks new to the genre. Martyrs is a French directed by Pascal Laugier and stars Morjana Alaoui and Mylène Jampanoï. The film follows the two female leads as one seeks revenge for being kidnapped and tortured in her youth. She’s been psychologically damaged and has become ruthless in her pursuits. She is also racked with guilt about something she witness during her initial escape many years agao, which leads to some of the film’s most frightening sequences. It’s a brutal and in many way nihilistic as it is part of the New French Extremity movement, where you’ll find a smorgasbord of hyper violent cinema. If you can get past the darkness and the violence, you’ll see that there is more to the film than meets the eye and there are many ways to interpret its message.

  • Ginger Snaps - John Fawcett’s Canadian teen horror film follows Brigitte (Emily Perkins) and Ginger Fitzgerald (Katharine Isabelle), two sisters with a morbid fascination with death. One night they are attacked by what was originally thought to be a rabid dog and Ginger is bit. She soon begins acting strange (and I mean strange for the Fitzgerald sisters, because they already had a reputation) and slowly begins to change physically. It is clear that she is becoming a werewolf and she begins to turn on her sister, the only person she has ever cared for. Ginger Snaps is one of my personal favorite werewolf movies, second only to the classic John Landis film An American Werewolf in London. This tragic tale is sometimes darkly funny, but is ultimately a story about girls entering womanhood. It’s an intelligent take on puberty through the guise of a werewolf movie.

  • From Beyond – “Humans are such easy prey”. From the director of Re-Animator, Stuart Gordon, and many other people involved in that film, comes From Beyond, the best film to date to be directly based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft. The film stars Jeffrey Combs (the Re-Animator himself), Barbara Crampton, Ken Foree and Ted Sorel and is a gory body-horror film unlike anything you’ve seen before. When two scientists create a device that let’s them see through reality to a metaphysical world, they mistakenly open a door that risks unleashing horrible beasts on the rest of the world. Their experiment turns into a disgusting nightmare that would make Lovecraft himself proud as the film reminds you “The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far” (Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu).

  • Eyes Without a Face – This French pseudo-slasher film, released the same year as Psycho, remains just as shocking today as it did all those decades ago. Directed by Georges Franju and starring Pierre Brasseur and Alida Valli, the film follows a mad doctor as he kidnaps and murders women in order to remove their faces and transplant them on to his disfigured daughter. In many ways the film is as grotesquely beautiful as it is disturbing and continues to be highly influential across the globe.

 

  • Stake Land – Director Jim Mickle’s second feature is an ultra low budget that combines vampire and zombie apocalypse stories in some incredibly unique ways. Starring Nick Damici, Connor Paolo, Danielle Harris and Kelly McGillis, Stake Land follows survivors of a vampire apocalypse as they do everything in their power just to survive. Damici plays a bit of a badass vampire slayer, which Paolo is just learning the ropes. Both scary and sad, Stake Land is a character driven indie that is a must.

  • We Are What We Are – Jim Mickle’s follow-up film to Stake Land was even better and proved that Mickle is a  director to watch. A loose and superior remake of a 2010 Mexican of the same, We Are What We Are is a film about family suffering from the lose of the mother. The father (Bill Sage), an old fashioned man, now must lay the burdens formally helf by his wife on his two daughters (Ambyr Childers and Julia Garner) and those burdens are unlike that of any normal American family. Just like Stake Land is ultra low budget horror drama is depressing, but you can’t look away as this family begins to buckle under the weight of their own traditions. Michael Parks also stars and he is always a welcomed presence.

 

  • Trick ‘r Treat - I love Trick ‘r Treat so much. I now watch it every Halloween alongside John Carpenter’s classic Halloween. It’s that good. This horror anthology directed by Michael Dougherty and starring Dylan Baker, Brian Cox and Anna Paquin is one of the most purely fun horror films to come out in the past decade. Featuring several short stories that are intertwined both in the editing and with characters has just about everything you could ask for and perfectly captures the spirit of the holiday.

 

  • The Devil Rides Out – Though some effects and storytelling elements may be a tad dated for some, this little known Hammer Horror classic directed by Terence Fisher and starring Christopher Lee, Niké Arrighi, Charles Gray, Leon Greene, and Patrick Mower gets that all good horror films need to have a certain kind of atmosphere to be effective. This is classic battle of good versus evil and has Christopher Lee in a rare role of playing a hero instead of one of his many classic villainous roles.

 

  • Splinter – Another dirt cheap monster movie, Splinter is directed by Toby Wilkins and stars Shea Whigham (on of those “you’d know him if you saw him actors”), Jill Wagner, and Paulo Costanzo. Whigham plays an escaped convict who becomes stuck in a secluded gas station with a young couple when a strange virus turns its hosts into a horrid creature. Similar to Carpenter’s The Thing is some respects, Splinter is a tightly paced, claustrophobic, and creepy monster movie and I love it.

  • Kill List – Upcoming British director, Ben Wheatley, delivered a morbid look into the darkness of a man’s soul with his 2011 horror-thriller starring Neil Maskell, Michael Smiley, and MyAnna Buring. It follows two contract killers as one of them, a family man outside of work, becomes increasingly violent and spirals out of control. Like Martyrs, Kill List is a very dark film that can be interpreted in many different ways. The third act of the film is simply terrifying.

  • Pontypool – Possibly the most original take on the zombie film in the past couple of years, this Canadian horror film directed by Bruce McDonald and starring Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle, and Georgina Reilly is really something special. Set almost entirely in a radio station where radio announcer, Grant Mazzy, tries to understand the chaos going on outside just by listening to the incoherent reports he is receiving from his colleagues and from the horrible sounds he is hearing. Is there a riot? Is it zombies? What is causing all this violence outside and with the crew of this small radio make it through the night alive? You’ll never guess what’s going to happen next in this highly intelligent horror film.

  • Wrong Turn 2: Dead End – The original Wrong Turn was a serivable slasher film about a couple of mutant hillbillies offing beautiful middle in the middle of the woods, both with this first sequel the franchise really stepped it up a notch and then a couple of notches after that. Directed by Joe Lynch, the film follows a group of people on a reality TV game show set in the wilderness, but of course the wood are home to a family of inbred mutant cannibals. This is a movie that’s for the gorehounds out there. Right from form the get-go the film pulls no punches and features grisly deaths throughout.

 

  • Santa Sangre – This might be the one that may be just too much for some casual filmgoers. Directed by one of cinema’s all time greats, Alejandro Jodorowsky, Santa Sangre is an abstract work of very surreal art. Though there is more a clear cut narrative that some of Jodorowsky’s other work like Holy Mountain (which I absolutely LOVE, but I can see why it might by an acquired taste), Santa Sangre cans still be described as very avant-garde. Starring Axel Jodorowsky, Adan Jodorowsky, Blanca Guerra, Guy Stockwell, and Thelma Tixou, Santa Sangre is not a film with a plot that I could succinctly describe. It is a film that to have to experience because it really is art and pure as art can come. Jodorowsky is really just a brilliant madman.

 

  • The Bay – This is a found footage horror film directed by Barry Levinson. Yeah, that Barry Levinson who directed Diner, The Natural, Rain Man, and Wag the Dog. The Bay is Levinson trying something outside his comfort zone and that is reason enough for one to give it a try, but it helps that it is a really well done film. Based on the horrifying real life parasite known as Cymothoa exigua, The Bay is a story about a fictional town being almost completely wiped out in the course of a day by the wretched little tongue eaters. Disgusting and genuinely creepy, The Bay is really successful little film from a director doing something outside his wheelhouse.

 

  • The Loved Ones - Directed by Sean Byrne and starring Xavier Samuel and Robin McLeavy, The Loved One is a violent Australian film that’s not for the faint of heart. A teen is kidnapped and tortured by a crazed young woman and her father as they hold a mock prom in their isolated home. Just when you think things can’t get any worse for Brent (Samuel) they of course get far more terrible. The relationship between the murderous duo is a fascinating one as you slowly learn more and more about them as the film goes one. You’ll never want to go to a school dance again after this.

 

  • City of the Living Dead – Directed by the “godfather of gore” Lucio Fulci, this Italian film is fun, gory, atmospheric, and stylish. It kicked off Fulci’s unofficial Gates of Hell trilogy, where the other two films will probably be included in later editions of this series of articles. It’s a bit silly at times, but it’s a fun zombie film that could only be made in the time and country that it was made. Some good Lovecraft references peppered in throughout as well are nice touch.

  • F (aka The Expelled) – I suspect that this is the least know film on this list and it’s a shame because this is a damn good British horror film. Directed by Johannes Roberts and starring David Schofield, the film follows a high school teacher, who is getting dumped on from almost every direction. His day only gets worse when he gets into a conflict with his daughter that might cost him his family and is job. Those problems soon take second fiddle to something even worse as Schofield begins to be tormented by several hooded kids. Eventually the faceless hoodlums become violent and begin murdering the few people who have remained at the school several hours into the night after the school day has ended. This is a dark, tightly paced, well directed and acted, film that I high recommend you seek out. Also features a really haunting and fantastic musical score.

  • Who Can Kill a Child? – This Spanish horror film directed by Narciso Ibáñez Serrador follows and English couple (played by Lewis Fiander and Prunella Ransome) on holiday. They arrive at their destination to find all the adults missing and the islands children stalking them. The kids turn violent and the couple must do whatever they can to survive. Adding to the peril, the wife is pregnant, which just makes their quest to survive all the more desperate. This is a harrowing film and you can imagine by the title and by the end you may have an answer to the question it asks.

 

  • Frozen – Let’s this out of the way first: I’m not talking about that wonderful Disney film, I’m talking about Hatchet director’s Frozen, so we should just let it go (wink). It’s just a coincidence that this is the third single location horror film on this list after Splinter and Pontypool, but is can be a wonderful challenge is low budget horror filmmaking sometimes and it pays off in spades in Frozen. The premise is simple as it is just a film about three characters played by Emma Bell, Shawn Ashmore, and Kevin Zegers as they are stuck on a ski lift after the ski lodge shuts down for the night. They’re only option is to find a way down or freeze to death over the next week while the resort is closed. Their escape is hindered by the cold, height, and a pack of wolves waiting for some tasty human meat to come down and that is where the horror lies. It’s a film that’ll have you asking, “what would I do in this situation?” and “how quick would I start to turn on my friends?”. This is a horror movie that relies on tension and sound design as opposed to gore and jump scares and shows Adam Green’s potential after doing the fun Hatchet films.

 

  • The Burning – This is just pure 80s. Everything about this movie is just so much of the time. This is a quintessential 80s slasher film, which was just a knock-off of Friday the 13th(which in turn was riding the coattails of Halloween). Directed by Tony Maylam and featuring some gory makeup effect by famed special effects makeup artist Tom Savini, The Burning is just a blast of a film, with a memorable villain named Cropsy. Fun fact: a young Jason Alexander’s very first feature film role.

  • The House of the Devil – The film that put Ti West on the map, The House of the devil is a brilliant throwback to low-budget 80s horror. Shot to look like it was done with grainy film stock used in the early 80s, the film gets the tone and look of the time perfectly. A college student takes a baby-sitting job, but finds out the job is more than she bargained for when the house’s owners turn out to be members of a satanic cult. It’s a slow burn that racks up the tension to a big climax. The film features the great character actor Tom Noonan who excels at playing both a kindly and creepy older gentleman. The House of the Devil is the first great film from one of horror’s best young minds.

 

  • Cheap Thrills – What would you do for five bucks? Ten? A hundred? Ten thousands? Would you say something that’ll get you slapped in the face? Would you vandalize a neighbor’s house? Cut of a finger? Those are the questions that the characters played by Pat Healy (The Innkeepers) and Ethan Embry (Can’t Hardly Wait) have to answer when they meet David Koechner (Anchorman) and his wife Sara Paxton (The Innkeepers) at a bar one night. The film is darkly funny and equally twisted. Pat Healy gives a layered performance as man that’s always gotten the short end of the stick and never done anything about it, but may finally step up under some insane circumstances. Cheap Thrills by E.L. Katz is a mean little piece of fascinating thrills that leaving you asking “what would I do?”.

 

  • The Werewolf – A stranger comes into town on a dark night, lost and confused. He runs afoul with an angry drunk and the wino winds up dead. It looks like an animal attack, but no one knows what kind of animal and where the stranger went of too. It sounds fairly generic, especially with such a simple title, but this 1956 B—movie is better than you’d think. Great makeup effects plus a 50s sci-fi twist on the classic werewolf myth and better character work than most genre films of the period, the film is a cheesy fun way to spend 79 minutes.

  • Monkey Shines – From master of horror George A. Romero, Monkey Shines Alan Mann played by Jason Beghe (Chicago Fire), who is rendered quadriplegic after a tragic accident. A friend of his, a scientist, gives Alan an unusually intelligent capuchin monkey to help him out. The monkey isn’t just unusually intelligent, but hyper intelligent due to medical experimentation. The monkey, Ella, quickly becomes attached to Alan and overly protective of him. Due to the experiments, they unknowingly become linked telepathically linked and Ella acts on the angry feelings that Alan never would act on in a million years. Alan eventually becomes a prisoner in his own home and is helpless due to his condition. His inability to move is a simple, yet highly effective way to create a ton of suspense throughout the film.

  • The Dentist – From director Brian Yuzna (Society) and producer Stuart Gordon (director of Re-Animator and From Beyond) The Dentist is about exactly what you think it is. Corbin Bernsen plays a dentist who is pushed too far by his cheating wife and stressed filled job. He takes matters into his own hands and begins torturing and murdering anyone that his the misfortune of finding themselves in his chair. You know how you get especially squeamish with little things like nails being pulled or stepping on tacks? This whole movie is little things like that involving teeth and the mouth. It’s gross and it’s under the skin like any of the best Yuzna/Gordon productions.

 

  • Lake Mungo – A 2008 Australian horror mockumentary tells the story of the drowning of the 16 year old Alice Palmer and how her parents and brother deal with the events after her death. The film is highly atmospheric and a great slow burn. There are elements of a mystery as to why Alice is appearing in home videos after her death and what she was actually like in life as opposed to the face she put on for her family. More creepy and intriguing than outright scary, Lake Mungo should be a film that sticks with you for a while. It is also pretty interesting if you’re a fan of Twin Peaks and you start seeing that the entire film plays out like an homage to the classic series.

 

  • The Tunnel – An Australian found-footage film that follows a small investigative news team looking to learn the truth behind a possible government cover-up regarding a recent water shortage. They enter the sewer system under Sydney, but soon they see an emaciated looking figure lurking in the shadows. They lose their sense of direction in the labyrinth and realize that something is stalking them. The Tunnel is pretty damn terrifying. It’s claustrophobic, tightly scripted, and tense from beginning to end.

 

  • Eden Lake – One of several British horror films on this list today is 2008’s Eden Lake. The film stars Kelly Reilly as Jenny and Michael Fassbender (one of this generation’s greatest actors) and Steve, a young couple on a romantic getaway at a remote lake. Everything seems perfect until they have a run-in with some punk teenagers. Steve confronts them, but then decides that him and Jenny should just move further down the beach. The confrontation eventually escalates and turns dangerous as the teens chase down the couple with deadly intent. More brutal and disturbing than the initial setup might suggest, Eden Lake is a relentless thriller.

 

  • In the Mouth of Madness – The last good film John Carpenter made before he lost his mojo, 1994’s In the Mouth of Madness feels a little bit Stephen King-like in a few parts and a lot like H.P. Lovecraft just about everywhere else. As the title might imply, the film is about the nature of insanity and has a bit of commentary on the nature of horror storytelling. Starring Sam Neill (second time he’s been mentioned on this list) as John Trent, a fraud investigator looking for a horror novelist’s, Sutter Cane, final transcript. Cane’s recent novel has been a massive success, but there have been reports that it has been driving some readers mad. Trent travels to the town that inspired Cane, but soon begins seeing horrible visions and the line between real and nightmares quickly becomes blurred.

 

  • Psycho II – Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho is a classic, a masterpiece, and one of the most influential horror films ever made, so a sequel may seem like a crime against the art form. Surprisingly though, Richard Franklin’s 1983 Psycho II is not the horrid mess that many sequels to classics like The Exorcist II and Jaws 3 are. After 22 years in an institution, Norman Bates is released and returns to the infamous Bates Motel. He tries to lead a normal life and shed his “Mother” persona, but bodies begin to pile up and Norman starts to feel a little mad. Of course it’s not nearly as good as the original (despite what Quentin Tarantino thinks. He actually prefers the second one), but this sequel is an entertaining twist filled psychological thriller. Anthony Perkins returns to the role of Norman and he’s just always great.

 

  • Inside – From directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, this 2007 French film is one of the most relentless and grisly horror films ever made. Weeks after being involved in near fatal car accident and losing her husband, a young pregnant woman, Sarah, answers the door the door to a strange woman late at night. The woman begins harassing Sarah and is quickly escalates. It becomes clear that this woman only wants one thing: Sarah’s baby… Sarah is brutalized and fights to survive as anyone else who enters her home as a potential savior meets a gruesome fate at the hands of the deadly home invader. Dark, bloody, and non-stop, Inside is one of France’s best modern horror films.

 

  • Dog Soldiers – More British horror from The Descent director Neil Marshall in the form of Dog Soldiers. Essentially it is a low-budget Predator with the alien hunter swapped out for a family of werewolves. While on a training exercise, a squad of British Army soldiers is left out in the middle of the woods and is forced to duke it out with the pack of monsters. Gory, fun, and really well directed, Dog Soldiers is a blast. Many of you reading this have also seen the director’s work in the Game of Thrones episodes “Blackwater” and “The Watchers on the Wall”

 

  • Excision – Starring 90210’s AnnaLynne McCord and directed by Richard Bates, Excision is a powerful and disturbing high school horror film. The film follows Pauline (McCord), a mentally disturbed high schooler, with hopes of becoming a surgeon. There are several expertly shot dream sequences, soaked in blood and featuring confrontations with Pauline and her ideal self. Outside the dream, Pauline is extremely creepy as she emotionally scars everyone around. She very flippantly decides that she wants to lose her virginity and propositions a guy that’s tormented her in school. They meet at motel and what happens is sure to gross a majority of viewers out. After that Pauline becomes more aggressive in her acts and eventually does something that no one will forget…

 

  • The Lovely Molly – I watched the film on Netflix on a whim a while back, not knowing anything about it at all. That was a good call on my part because Lovely Molly is a super creepy ultra low-budget horror film. It’s incredibly subtle in the ways it attempts to frighten you and you’ll be uneasy for more of the film than not. Just watch, knowing that if you’re paying attention, it will pay off. Directed by Eduardo Sánchez, the mastermind behind The Blair Witch Project.

 

  • Deadgirl – Do not watch this on a date. I repeat. Do not watch this on a date. It won’t go over well. Or maybe give it shot, you may have an interesting night depending on whom you’re with. This 2008 high school horror film is gross and miserable. One day two boys, high school seniors who can only ever hope of finding a girlfriend, discover a naked woman chained up in a basement. They soon learn that this strange mute girl is not just a tortured woman, but that she is in fact a zombie. This is where the film gets really heavy and after deciding that neither of them can do it, they convince a jock to rape the so-called “Deadgirl” and it’s all down hill from there. The only way I could accurately describe the film is pure melancholy.

 

  • The Tenant – The third film in Roman Polanski’s thematic “Apartment Trilogy” following Repulsion and Rosemary’s Baby, The Tenant is a paranoia fueled psychological horror film. Polanski himself plays a quiet, average man who moves in to an apartment after the previous tenant attempted to kill herself by jumping out the window. The landlord and the other renters begin to complain and chastise our protagonist for being too disruptive, when he is actually being anything but. The horror takes place in his mind as all these different outside forces start to come down on him and he begins to break. This one can only be described as mind-bending and features an unforgettable third act.

 

  • Berberian Sound Studio – British and psychological horror seem to be the unintentional theme of this edition with Peter Strickland’s Berberian Sound Studio starring Toby Jones. Jones plays a British foley artist, Gilderoy, who comes to Italy thinking he’s going to help with sound work on a film about horses. He arrives and soon learns that the film he is to work on is a giallo film. Gilderoy is new to horror films, so he is already out of his element being in this foreign country. Much like The Tenant’s protagonist, Gilderoy is an average and quiet man, who is needlessly thought of as greedy and rude by his Italian collaborators. All he asks is that he be reimbursed for his plane tickets, like he was told he would, but everyone gives him the runaround. From there Berberian Sound Studio becomes crazier and crazier as Gilderoy slowly becomes as insane and dark as the film he is working on.

 

  • Maniac – This 2012 remake of the 1980 film of the same name directed by Franck Khalfoun and stars The Lord of the Ring’s Elijah Wood as the film’s titular psycho. Shot almost entirely from the killer’s point-of-view, Wood’s character, Frank, is a shy and awkward man with a dark secret and even darker desires. His dimly lit home is filled with female mannequins. Frank murders women, scalps them (while most are still alive), then takes the top of their heads to place on his mannequins in order to give them personalities. Maniac’s violence is brutal, uncomfortable to watch more often than not, and horrifying to say the least. Wood is perfect as the awkward, yet menacing murderer, and by the end you may just feel like a maniac yourself.

  • The Children – Similar in premise to Who Can Kill a Child (which I mentioned in last month’s edition), The Children is yet another 2008 British horror gem about two families staying at a secluded home to celebrate the New Year. Everything seems normal at first, with some typical familial drama, but the young children begin to act very strange. They soon become sadistic and violent, which leads their parents to struggle with the fact that they either have to kill their own children or be brutally murdered by them.

  • The Fly II I’ve written extensively about The Fly II for some reason, which you can check out right here. To make it brief I’ll just say that Cronenberg’s 1986 remake of The Fly is just about perfect in my mind and one of my ten favorite horror films and while the sequel isn’t as good, it’s a fun ride and much better than one might expect. 

 

  • Ginger Snaps: Unleashed – Almost as amazing as the previously mentioned original, the sequel follows Emily Perkins as Brigitte Fitzgerald, Ginger’s sister, as she deals with the physical and mental toll that the events of the first film have taken on her. Just as impactful and raw in terms of pure emotions, this is a rare horror sequel that can hold its own with the best of them.

 

  • Braindead – Peter Jackson’s third feature and final outright splatter is arguably the goriest film ever made. On top of the insane over-the-top gore gags and gross out moments, it’s a wacky comedy, a dark familial drama, and a quirky romance. It’s an unforgettable film from on film’s greatest modern filmmakers. The film is more commonly known in America as Dead Alive.

 

  • The Prowler – Similar to The Burning in that is doesn’t really break new ground in the vast landscape of 80s teen slasher movies, but the film features some top notch makeup effects from the master Tom Savini. Not much more to say other than if you’re looking for a good slasher movie, The Prowler will satisfy.

 

  • The Stepfather – It’s soooooo good. Joseph Ruben, the director of Breaking Away and The Good Son, film from1987’s The Stepfather is such a fantastic work. Lost star Terry O'Quinn play’s the new stepfather to a young woman, who unbeknownst to the rest of the world, murdered his previous family and plans to continue his murderous cycle of entering and destroying families. O'Quinn’s performance is impeccable as the titular psychopath. The film was followed by two lackluster sequels and an awful remake in 2009.

 

  • Motel Hell – A pseudo parody of the horror films of the time when it was released in 1980, Motel Hell is a real cult classic. The unusual horror-comedy was ahead of its time in many ways and includes of the most bizarre images put to screen. The film’s killers, Vincent and Ida Smith, are an odd pair of farmers who capture innocent men and women and plant them in their garden, where they are fed until they are ready to be harvested and eaten. The sound of the heads sticking out of the ground will be embedded in your mind for a long time.

 

  • Humanoids From the Deep – Executive produced by the B-movie king himself, Roger Corman, 1980’s Humanoids From the Deep is an exploitive schlockfest about sea faring monsters with an urge to mate with attractive young human females. It sounds like it could be pretty offensive and it probably is, but the film is so much fun for that reason. Directed by Barbara Peeters, one of the few notable female filmmakers in the realm of 70s and 80s exploitation horrors, the film is the best of 50s B-monster movies mixed with the trashiness of the low budget 70s grunge horror.

 

  • A Tale of Two Sisters – A 2003 South Korean horror film from director Kim Jee-woon (director of I Saw the Devil) continues to prove that some of the scariest films come out of Asia. The film centers on a pair of sisters struggling with increasingly terrifying events surrounding them and their maniacal stepmother. The film is very creepy and unpredictable (unless you saw the crappy American remake, The Uninvited, in 2009)

 

  • The Hunger – A beautiful and haunting film from 1983 directed by Tony Scott and starring the great David Bowie and the now legendary Catherine Deneuve as a married couple of vampires living in New York. Susan Sarandon plays a doctor that Bowie needs help from when he begins to rapidly age, which leads to a chain of events that reveal that Deneuve has been hiding something deadly and Sarandon becomes entangled with this secret in some unexpected ways.

 

  • Alligator – This 1980 monster film directed by Cujo director Lewis Teague is fun satire of monster movie clichés that pokes a little fun at them, but at the same time uses them to great effect. With great effects work and an entertaining performance from Robert Forster, Alligator a real treat. The film also has the balls to kill children, something not normally seen in horror films like these.

 

  • Street Trash – Not a film for everyone, Street Trash is just as trashy as the title and poster would imply. Hobos melt in toilets and a severed penis is thrown around like a football in slow motion in James Muro’s 1987 cult classic. Appropriately disgusting while poking fun at homeless behaviors and all sorts of gross oddities on top of the super cheap production, Street Trash is a film that will turn off most, but it’s a corny good time.

 

  • Shutter – This 2004 Thai horror film by Banjong Pisanthanakun and Parkpoom Wongpoomis a twisty ghost mystery and is utterly horrifying. A photographer begins seeing strange shadows in his pictures and can’t escape en entity that is out to get him due to a mistake from his past. The film plays with your emotions as it becomes unclear who is the villain in the story, but it is always scary.

 

  • Trauma – Dario Argento, the Alfred Hitchcock of Italy and the master of giallo, delivered this creepy film in 1993 with his daughter Asia Argento starring. A killer stalks the streets and is decapitating staff members of a local hospital and Asia plays a women suffering from anorexia who is caught in the middle of it all and begins losing loved ones. The decapitations are graphic and the film shows the heads living on for a few seconds after the fact, which is an insanely creepy image. The film was one of the director’s last good films before the quality began to slip in the late 90s.

 

  • The Curse of the Werewolf – Surprisingly one of the only, if not the only, major werewolf works made by Hammer Films in their heyday. Directed by Terence Fisher and starring Oliver Reed as the cursed man, the film is a dark one that throws everything you know about the rules of werewolves out the window. After a lengthy setup where Reed’s character is the product of the rape of his mother by a tortured vagrant and the boy suffers from some unusual habits growing up, he grows into a seemingly normal man. One night he undergoes his full transformation and begins to kill. Bleak and high in emotions, The Curse of the Werewolf is on of Hammer’s best.

 

  • The Ghost of Frankenstein – Universal’s third Frankenstein film from 1942 isn’t nearly as talked about as the original two classics, but Island of Lost Souls director Erle C. Kenton delivered an exceptional film with Lon Chaney Jr. as the monster, Bela Lugosi as Ygor, and Cedric Hardwicke as Dr. Ludwig Frankenstein. Set years after the Bride of Frankenstein, the film see’s Frankenstein’s son return to his father’s home and finds that he blamed for the supposed cure of the Monster. The film was the last truly great serious take on the Frankenstein story for sometime and was also used heavily has a source of parody just as much as the first two in Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein (which shares the same general plot).

 

  • Afflicted – A Cronenbergian found footage film about two video bloggers traveling Europe. In France, one of them goes back to their room with a beautiful woman, but he is found alone and bleeding in bed when his friend busts in. In Italy he seems very ill and his symptoms becomes more and more extreme until he shows signs of superhuman abilities. When his hunger and aversion to sunlight become too much, it becomes very apparent what he is becoming. The film is able to pull off things using the found footage motif that do not seem possible to pull off in camera and on such a tight budget. The film is dramatic, exciting, scary, and one of 2014’s best. Read my full review here.

 

  • The Den – A creepy found footage film shot mostly on the desktop of a young grad student performing a social experiment on an Omegle-like website. While chatting with the usual online crowd she comes across what looks like a very real murder. She is slowly tormented with more and more frequency by unknown forces and seems to think that someone is out to get her and her loved ones. Creepy, memorable, and inventive, The Den is worth a look and a standout in an overcrowded subgenre.

 

  • Would You Rather – We’ve all played the game would you rather and in 2012’s film inspired by the game, things are taken to the next level and beyond. Starring Pitch Perfect’s Brittany Snow as a player in a sick game and horror movie icon Jeffrey Combs as the game master, Would You Rather sees a group of unsuspecting victims who wind up in a deadly version of the game. Increasingly brutal, set almost entirely in one room, and a film that successfully makes you ask “what would I do?”, Would You Rather is a surprisingly good little film. Combs is also wonderfully hammy.

 

  • Frontier(s) – The 2007 French horror film by Xavier Gens is almost on the level as Inside when it comes to horrific violence. A group of friends feels riots in Paris only to encounter a cannibalistic family, who proceeds to torture and torment the frightened group. Essentially a more violent French take on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with some extra twists, Frontier(s) is one of the most extreme horror films of the 2000s.

 

  • Them – The 2006 French-Romanian horror film directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud isn’t the graphically violent French horror film that I’ve mentioned while doing this project, but it might be the most terrifying. The plot it simple as it revolves around a couple be stalked and chased by hooded kids in and around their new home. Suspenseful and unrelenting, Them is truly thrilling.

 

  • The Girl Next Door – This 2007 film was directed by Gregory Wilson and based on a novel by Jack Ketchum. Like the best Ketchum stories, the film is dark and incredible ugly. The plot is simple, but the morality of it all is complex as it tells the story of a teenage girl who is trapped and tortured by her aunt as the neighborhood kids watch and don’t know how to deal with the morbid situation.

 

  • Offspring – Another dark tale from the mind of Jack Ketchum, Offspring is a 2009 film directed by Andrew van den Houten. The film follows a married couple who have to protect themselves and their family from a small savage clan of cannibals. Since the film is Ketchum story, thing are not that simple as some of the protagonists might be just as monstrous as the cannibals.

 

  • May – A modern cult classic, the 2002 film directed by Lucky McKee follows the lonely May as she slowly loses her grip on reality in her attempts to gain more friends. May is one of the most interesting and damaged characters from any horror from the last decade and the morose film ends with one of the creepiest images ever put to screen.

 

  • The Hills Run Red – A little known film, 2009’s The Hills Run Red by Dave Parker follows a group of teens as they search for a long lost horror film, which is supposed to be one of the best and most grisly slasher films ever made. Instead of the film, they find the real life killer that the film was possibly based on. The Babyface killer in the film should be and would’ve been a modern slasher icon had the film gotten a proper release, but it’s available and should be checked out by horror fans. The film also subtly draws connections to real life quest that all die hard horror fans go one to find smaller films and obscure gems that they’re only heard of in magazines, on reddit, or in podcasts. That quest is something that exists almost exclusively for the horror genre (there might be some that search for old sci-fi, foreign films, or pre-code Hollywood movies, but horror is the big genre for searchers).

 

  • The Exorcist III – It would probably be easy to write off The Exorcist III since the original ranks high up on the list of the greatest horror movies ever made and The Exorcist II: The Heretic is one of the worst films ever made, but III ignores the first sequel and is a real horror movie gem and has a pretty sizable cult following. Starring Oscar winning actor George C. Scott as the Lieutenant William F. Kinderman character from the original film (who was played by Lee J. Cobb in the original) as he investigates a string of religious themed murders near a psychiatric hospital where a mysterious patient claims to be a long dead serial killer. The film is directed by the writer of original two novels and screenwriter of the original film, William Peter Blatty, who shows great restraint as the film continually builds and is remarkably tense throughout.

 

  • Thale - Aleksander L. Nordaas’ 2012 Norwegian supernatural horror film is a super creepy tale (pun intended) about two men who find a speechless woman with a tail. There is a mystery here to the big picture going on and to how this woman ended up trapped in this basement, making the film a very compelling one. Outside of the dark basement where most the film is set lays something very creepy out in the woods.

 

  • Severance – A horror comedy that can be described as the British version of The Office meets Friday the 13th. A company team-building retreat, a group of co-workers end up being victims of a small group of psychopathic serial killers. The film’s general plot makes it sound like something we’ve all seen a hundred times before, but Severance stands above many modern slashers due to its dry and dark British wit.

 

  • Idle Hands - A 1999-horror comedy directed by Rodman Flender and starring Devon Sawa (Final Destination), Seth Green, Elden Henson, and a young Jessica Alba. Sawa plays a high schooler finds that his right hand is possessed after it kills his parents and his two best friends and he has to stop it before it can kill anyone else, including the next door neighbor girlfriend. The film is so over-the-top 90s in a way that will make it a very fun, albeit dumb, nostalgic experience for a lot of people of a certain age.

 

  • Maniac Cop 2 – Even better than the original, 1990’s horror sequel by Maniac and original Maniac Cop director William Lustig returns to continue the story of the vengeful undead Maniac Cop Officer Matthew Cordell, who continues to reek havoc on the dirty streets of New York. Die Hard’s Robert Davi as Detective Lieutenant Sean McKinney takes over the lead from Bruce Campbell as the man with the tall order of catching the unstoppable killer, who is even more bloodthirsty than he was in the original.

 

  • Stitches – If Asian horror movies are usually destined to be really friggin’ scary and Australian horror movies turn out to border on nihilism more often than not, then modern British horror movies have two options; being dark and depressing like Eden Lake and Don’t Look Now or darkly humorous like Severance and 2012’s horror comedy Stitches by Conor McMahon. The film follows a group of teens who were a partially at fault for the death of clown at a birthday party in their youth and his return to murder them years later. The film is filled with some really inventive kills and good liners and who doesn’t love a good grouchy killer clown?

 

  • The Relic – Set in Chicago, The Relic from 1997 by Timecop director Peter Hyams is simply a super solid B-monster movie. The film a little bit Alien and Aliens, a little Predator, some Jurassic Park, and pretty much any monster movie you can think of thrown into a pot to make a fun monster bash that is ultimately a super solid guilty pleasure. Penelope Ann Miller and Tom Sizemore star in the two lead roles.

 

  • The Faculty – This underrated 1998 Robert Rodriguez film was penned by Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer screenwriter Kevin Williamson. With this film Williamson’s self aware hip high school horror film began to ware thin, but the film has just enough charm and wit to be fun time. The film was accused of ripping of many classics like Invasion Of The Body Snatchers but is really more of a loving homage. Beyond the fact that it is a purely entertaining 90s teen horror flick, the film has fantastic cast of young stars who mostly went on to have highly successful careers and are still thriving today (Josh Hartnett is currently killing it in Penny Dreadful).

 

  • Willow Creek – Bobcat Goldthwait doing a found footage horror movie sounds strange, given that his past work includes the phenomenal World’s Greatest Dad and the wonderfully dark God Bless America, but 2014’s Willow Creek is another winner from the comedian/director. It closely follows the Blair Witch formula, but the performances and the writing are very strong in this one and the film’s climax after a very extended take is insanely creepy.

 

  • Hour of the Wolf – Ingmar Bergman. The man is without a doubt one of the most legendary icons of world cinema and in 1968 he teamed with frequent collaborators Max von Sydow and Liv Ullmann to make one of the closest representations of a nightmare that film has ever seen. Like any Bergman classic, the film is ripe with heavy drama and complex emotional tensions throughout and on top of all that, Sydow’s descent into madness is a gorgeous work of surrealist terror.

 

  • The Beyond – Easliy one of Lucio Fulci’s most popular films, The Beyond is an insane cult classic with some spetacually gory kills. The film follows a woman who inherits a hotel in New Orleans, not knowing that it is one of the gates of Hell and that everyone who enters will meet a horrible fate. Zombies, eye gouging, dog attacks, spider attacks, and a 6-shooter with apparent unlimited ammo abound in this Kind of batshit and super nonsensical film, making The Beyond is prime example of low budget Italian horror of the 70s and 80s.

 

  • Snowtown – This one is a bummer. Based on the true of one of Australia’s most infamous serial killers, the film is filled with scenes of implied pedophilia, incestual rape, and eventually (obviously) murder. The tone is bleak, the performances are pretty stellar, and the tone will leave you feeling sick to your stomach, even if much is left to your imagination. The film was released in 2011 and was directed by Justin Kurzel.

  • Frankenstein’s Army – A World War II set found footage film. For Russian soldiers in the midst of war, you might ask yourself how they got a hold of such a nice camera that records sound and shoots colored film, but after a few minutes you’ll forget about it since the creature effects are nuts. A Nazi grandson of Victor Frankenstein is creating an army of reanimated corpses fused with deadly bladed weapons, leading to some of the most memorable movie monsters of the 2010s.

  • The Town the Dreaded Sundown (1976) – Released two years prior to John Carpenter’s Halloween, 1976’s The Town That Dreaded Sundown is a early slasher film that is not talked about nearly as much as it should. Loosely based on the true story of the Phantom Killer in the town of Texarkana, Texas in 1946. The silent masked killer is very much a prototype Jason Voorhees and true crime have of the film makes it really stand out from the huge number of slasher films that would inundate theaters throughout the following decade.

  • Citadel – 2012 Irish psychological horror film written and directed by Ciaran Foy about a widowed father suffering from agoraphobia, who has defend himself and his baby from a faceless gang of hooded people. The film is another bleak one that is a good companion piece to 2010’s The Expelled. Citadel is an incredibly tense and layer thriller, with an impeccable leading performance by Aneurin Barnard. For a director’s feature film debut the film in extraordinarily mature work that deserves more attention.

 

  • The Cottage – A British horror comedy from 2008 by director Paul Andrew Williams and stars Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison, and Steve O'Donnell. Serkis and Shearsmith play a couple of brothers/criminals, whose kidnapping goes south when a crazed killer attacks them and their hostage. The film is darkly funny and makes a good companion piece to Severance.

  • The Kindred – An ultra low budget monster movie from 1987, Stephen Carpenter and Jeffrey Obrow’s The Kindred is a super entertaining effects filled romp. When a medical researcher’s mother dies, he, his girlfriend, and his team go to her home to uncover the secrets of her research, only to find that she created something truly horrific. The characters in the film are all exceptionally likeable, which is odd for a film of this kind and there really is no accounting for why they are so easy to like. You don’t want them get killed off, which goes a long way to make the film an exciting ride. The film also features Oscar winning actor Rod Steiger in a supporting role.

  • The Dark Half – Directed by George A. Romero and based on a story by Stephen King, the film is similar and far better than Secret Window. It sees Timothy Hutton as a King-esque author, who “kills off” the pseudonym he has been using for most of his very successful career. Shortly after that decision, someone that looks just like the author begins killing people involved with the man and his publishing. Hutton is great and the movie is appropriately Stephen Kingy.

  • The Awakening – A 2011 British film directed by Nick Murphy and starring Rebecca Hall and Dominic West. Set in 1921, Hall plays a paranormal investigator who doesn’t believe in the supernatural and wishes to disprove claims of ghost. It is an interesting setup and different than the usual haunted house film and the plot goes on to be a surprisingly layered and complex one.

  • Q: The Winged Serpent – Directed by Larry Cohen, the director behind such classics like Black Caesar, The Stuff, and the It’s Alive trilogy, Q from 1982 with stars Michael Moriarty and David Carradine is B-movie gem. The effects may leave much to be desired for some, but the stop motion Quetzalcoatl monster is a fun throw back. On the surface the film is a fun monster movie, but Moriarty shines as a paranoid and smarmy crook.

 

  • The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014) – Not a remake and not a traditional sequel, this 2014 slasher film is a strange hybrid of the two and that is a major reason why Alfonso Gomez-Rejon’s The Town That Dreaded Sundown is special. Set in modern day Texarkana, where the original film is screened every Halloween, the film finds the town rocked by copycat killer or maybe even the original Phantom. The film is produced and conceived by Ryan Murphy and pretty much everyone behind the camera is a crew member of American Horror Story, so many there are many stylistic similarities there. The film is very respectful to the original and seeing 1976 cult classic will only enhance your appreciation of the new film, though it is not essential. Some might not see passed its slasher movie trappings, but it’s an old school slasher film that they don’t make anymore, so fans longing for the good old days of masked killers hacking teens will have an excellent time with this one.

 

  • Mad Love – Directed by Karl Freund (who was the DP of Dracula) in 1935, Mad Love tells the story of doctor (played by the great Peter Lorre) in love and obsessed with a woman he can’t have and his devilish plans to eliminate the man in her life. The doctor performs surgery on the woman’s lover interest after his hands are mangled. He wakes from surgery and finds that he is an expert knife thrower. There are twists, high drama, and a suspenseful climax, which all add up to Mad Love being an under appreciated classic.

 

  • Curse of Chucky – Everyone has seen all the Child’s Play movies, but 2013 saw the release of the franchise’s first straight-to-DVD feature, so it may have slipped under some people’s radar. The goal of the film was to steer the series back to it’s darker roots after the previous films digressed into board comedy (although that doesn’t mean they were bad. Bride of Chucky is arguably still the best). The film successfully reinvigorates the franchise and makes Chucky threatening again. It is still fairly funny at times, but it the darkest film since the Child’s Play 2.

 

  • The Brood – A classic film from the great David Cronenberg, The Brood is film about marriage and divorce manifesting themselves as horror. The film has big ideas about the power of the human mind and psychological trauma. Samantha Eggar and Art Hindle are the two leads and Oliver Reed co-stars as psychotherapist in one of his many great horror movie roles. Released in 1979, the film is one of Cronenberg’s first major releases after several much smaller films like Shivers and Rabid and it is one of his most outwardly scary films. Many ideas and stylistic choices of The Brood can be found in Scanners and Videodrome.

 

  • FoundScott Schirmer directed this 2012 ultra-low budget film about a young boy who is obsessed with horror films and suspects that his older brother might just be a serial killer. Humorless in its execution and unrelenting in its depiction of violence, the film was banned from a release in Australia.

  • Opera – A relatively later Dario Argento film that certainly has one of the thinnest plots and some of the most nonsensical characterization from the director, but what it lacks in story, it makes up for in uncomfortable imagery and brutal violence. The lead character is forced to watch grizzly murders while needles are taped under her eyelids to keep them open, which a surprisingly nauseating image that could only come from the mind of the Italian master of horror.

 

  • Blood and Black Lace – Directed by the legendary Mario Bava, Blood and Black Lace is the father of all giallo films that came after. Every troupe that would become common in the genre can be found in this film and fans of later Bava works, Argento films, some Lucio Fulci films, and many more will see it’s influence everywhere.

 

  • Grabbers – A 2012 Irish monster comedy from director Jon Wright is a fun film in vein of Attack the Block. The general plot revolves around a small town being attacked by a large tentacled beast and they only way to for the townsfolk to protect themselves is to have as much alcohol in their blood. Needless to say, the whole town getting drunk leads to film to be funnier than the average monster movie and the high production values of such a small film really make it stand out.

  • Wake Wood – A modern Hammer Horror film from 2011 stars Aidan Gillen, Eva Birthistle, and Timothy Spall. The premise is vaguely reminiscent of Pet Semetery as a mourning mother and father use a pagan ritual to bring their daughter back from the dead. The performances are strong and the film is moody as Hell as it harkens back to some old school European horror with modern day horrors visuals.

 

  • The Poughkeepsie Tapes – Never officially released (but it’s coming at some point), this indie mockumentary is deeply unsettling. Directed by Quarantine and As Above, So Below director John Erick Dowdle, the film tells the story of a serial killer that kidnaps and tortures his victims in the small town of Poughkeepsie. The killer often films his deadly deeds and those offer many of the film’s more disconcerting sequences. The acting is a little hammy at times, but the film is very effective and will stay with you for some time.

 

  • Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy – An epic 4-hour documentary on the entire A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise that features cast and crew interviews from a majority of the key players from the legendary films. The stories found in the doc are incredibly engrossing, highly informative, and very honest. The origins of Freddy, the films’ impact on pop culture and film, and much more is explored at length and even the lesser film’s in the series are given their due. The commentary on Elm Street 2 is particularly hilarious at times.

 

  • The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh – The 2013 feature film debut of Rodrigo Gudiño follows a young man who returns home after the death of his mother. The film is one of grief, loneliness, and regret and is tightly scripted by Gudiño. The lead of the film begins seeing something in and around the house that frightens him to his core and it is an image that is utterly creepy (albeit a little to CGI-y later, but it still manages to work).

  • Bubba Ho-Tep – An elderly Elvis and an elderly black JFK versus a cowboy hat wearing mummy should be enough to sell anyone, but when Elvis is played by Bruce Campbell and the film is directed by Phantasm creator Don Coscarelli, then it really becomes a must see. Campbell is at career best as a depressed and forgotten Elvis, who needs a walker and has a growth on his “pecker”. He gets one last chance to do something good in his life when he learns that a mummy is loose in the old folks home and is sucking souls. It’s a wacky setup, but the film is surprisingly heartwarming and Campbell really gets to show his real acting chops.

 

  • The Sacrament – A slow burn and atmospheric found footage film that is loosely inspired by the real life Jonestown Massacre. The Sacrament is directed by the wonderful Ti West and stars You’re Next stars AJ Bowen, Joe Swanberg, Amy Seimetz, with Kentucker Audley and Gene Jones as the charismatic leader of the cult who a Vice news crew is documenting. The film builds and builds to a dark and disturbing climax, much like West’s previous outings The House of the Devil and The Innkeepers. Jones is stellar as the manipulative and intelligent as you can understand why many of his followers left their previous lives to join him on this secluded island colony.

 

  • You’re Next I’m well aware that most horror fans have probably seen You’re Next, but I’m going to cheat and point it on anyway since it wasn’t huge at that box office and I love it. It’s soooooo friggin’ good. It’s funny, gory, scary, thrilling, surprisingly, subversive, and everything you want in a horror film. Just watch it if you haven’t seen it.

5

We have the right not to serve him and upset our other dining customers. We see him on the street all the time around here. This isn’t a shelter.

I’m out. Your boy doesn’t need to hear this. - Ryan Duffy

Yes, he does. - Clark Kent/Superman

You’re causing a scene, sir.

Actually, you are, ma’am. Your wall’s filled with movie and TV stars who’ve done nothing of real value for you, and you have no problem tossing out a man who served his country and came back without his legs. Pardon me for saying, but this marine’s picture along with other Philly vets should be covering this wall. - Clark Kent/Superman

Superman (2016-) #27

Writer: Peter J. Tomasi and Patrick Gleason @patrickgleasonart

Artist: Scott Godlewski

Colours: Gabe Eltaeb


Adding to the multitude of reasons I love Superman.

- You Can’t Have My Heart by AnAverageGirl15

To unify two worlds after centuries of war, Kara Zor-El, Princess of Krypton, must marry the Prince of Daxam.

Assigned to protect the Kryptonian Princess, Mon-El of the Royal Guard, will face his biggest challenge yet.

- my heart is blind by thoroughlytrash

Mon-El waited, and waited, and waited, but no letters showed up on his skin. Not on his wrist, not further up his arm, not anywhere on his body.
In which Mon-El arrives to Earth only two years after Kara, in which he isn’t her soulmate, and in which the fact that he’s her first kiss (her first everything) seems to mean a bit too much.(In which soulmate marks appear on your skin when you turn eighteen.)

- Mating Season by Fanfic_or_bust

It’s spring time in National City and Kara and Mon-El have been feeling strangely lately. They’ve both snapping at everyone, and their sex drives have been increasing at an alarming rate. It’s been getting worse and worse for a while but they’ve been able to hide it, but as they wake up one day out of control and they get themselves into an uncomfortable situation at the DEO, they find themselves locked up so Alex, Winn, and J'onn can figure out what is happening to our heroes.

- Betrayal Never Comes From Enemies by KaramelHaven

Betrayal never comes from your enemies. It’s a lesson Kara and Mon-El have learned the hard way, and in the worst way possible. A deep trauma and horrifying situation set in motion the fracturing of one of the soundest partnerships, shattering all parties involved. Years later, it appears no closer to healing. But, then again, the supers don’t seem at all keen to heal anything with anyone. They just want to protect each other and the city and be left in peace.

- 30 Day OTP Challenge by KaramelHaven

To help with the hiatus, just going to try my hand at doing a 30 Day OTP Challenge for Karamel :-) I’ll try to post every day, maybe even twice a day at times, and I’ll be adding tags and characters as they come up ;-)

- one hundred ways to say “I love you” by gracecastellan

“People say I love you all the time- when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or 'hurry back,’ or even 'watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it- you just have to listen for it, my dear.” -John Patrick, The Curious Savage. Inspired by a list of one hundred ways to say “I love you,” one hundred one-shots of Kara Danvers and Mon-El, from friendship to lovers and everything in between. 

- to the well of stars and back by shipwreckinabottle

“He is not the same as us,” the man says, “Mon-El is our father’s mad dog, set loose from his cage whenever diplomacy fails. The Harbinger of Death, as he is known. I hope you’ll do well to tame him, Kara of Krypton.”

The twelve noble houses of Daxam are at war, and the only solution for the centuries of bloodshed and strife might take the form of an arranged marriage between a bastard prince from Daxam, and a Kryptonian girl from Earth.

AU; Arranged marriage.

- Man on the Moon by ShadowJaySmith

AU~ Mon-El Matthews is an author who hates his book. Kara Danvers is a reporter who also hates his book. They meet for coffee to discuss it, and eventually, a small interview becomes a relationship that means a lot more to both of them. (One Shot)

- Camp Falling Star by Fanfic_or_bust

Summer Camp AU!
Mon-El crashed to Earth six months ago, landing near the Matthews’ family home on their remote camp ground. They took him in, but he hasn’t had the easiest time adjusting to life on Earth. When summer comes around, Carol and Phil Matthews decide that he should work as a counselor at the couple’s summer camp, thinking it would be good for him to meet new people. He’s been expecting to hate it and dreading it for weeks. And then he sees her. The girl with the blue eyes. Can summer camp be fun, after all?

- It’s Just Cuddling by xxashleyxx

“He didn’t know how in Rao’s name this had happened. How she’d managed to succeed in moving into this position was beyond him. And he swore this time he was actually sleeping when it happened.” – Sequel to It’s Just Sleeping. Mon-El wakes up the next morning with Kara still in his arms…and in an interesting position. He tries (and fails) to keep his cool.

- For Love by bilgegungoren00

 Blue for Kara’s comet-like eyes and trust, yellow for her golden hair and sunshine, white for her light and purity, and red for passion and love.

Or Kara and Mon-El are finally getting married, and they couldn’t be happier about it.

- Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by kryptonstydia

Karamel fiction based on the song Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra. Alternate alien lives.

- i’ve gotten in over my head by thoroughlytrash

Kara, for some reason, enjoys running her fingers through Mon-El’s hair.

- Let’s Talk About Sex by xxashleyxx

“‘This is serious, Mon-El.’ She turned her body so that she sat cross legged and faced him. He dropped his can of soda back on the table and pressed the off button on the TV remote. ‘I want to know right now why you won’t have sex with me.’” – Kara had been patiently waiting for him to make the first move. Kara’s tired of being patient. Takes place before 2x14: The Homecoming, sort of.

- Contact by harcourt

Daxamites can’t go too long without physical contact. (Whether that’s hugging/cuddling or full sex and hormonal release is up to you.) Mon-El worries that Kara and company and their prudish alien mores will not understand, so he refuses to tell anyone about it. After going without for too long, Mon-El collapses and comes on/confesses to the nearest person in the feverish aftermath.

When something goes wrong with Mon-El, the DEO puts him back in containment, in case he’s a hazard. It’s not helpful.

- Coffee Fixes the Universe by I am not sure I like this show (thisisnotanendorsement)

Kara has memories people tell her make her crazy, of abilities and aliens. She’s trying to live a normal life when she meets a guy in a coffee shop that she remembers and stumbles onto a world that both is and isn’t from her dreams.

- The Lion & The Rose by Sunflower_Nation

The dark world of organized crime, drugs, money, and power. An assassin. And a girl without a heart or a home. Upperclass Criminal AU. A Karamel fic.

- A Favorite of Lirra by handlewithkara

Mon-El has never been the religious type.

-
children of light by shipwreckinabottle

we must bring
our own light
into the darkness

FANTASY AU;;

in which Kara Zor-El is a Child of Light, born once a thousand years, destined to keep the darkness at bay.

- Please Leave an Affirming Note by TheMeddaFiction

“Oh, nothing really important dear. I’m just putting up this bulletin board for the tenants to write down some notes for the others. Just you know? Some friendly greetings and comments to each other for you to get to know each other.”

Or, Kara returned back to her apartment and found a new bulletin board that encourages her to get to know her new neighbor, when she never paid attention to them. Could this sparks a relationship, or cause hatred between them.

- Sunshine In Your Smile by canonickaramel

There’s a flower shop on the corner and a girl inside with a smile so radiant it might as well be the sun.

Star Butterfly birthday

This just came to me while I was sleeping. Remember how Adam and Daron (well, Marco and Star fan 13) they said her birthday is Stump day. Well, look who’s guest starring Monday: Patrick Stump. This can’t be a coincidence. So, what can this mean? We all know how Princess stories go: gotta find a future king by certain age, blah blah blah. Could this be where Star is headed? Here’s a scenario: Star is turning 15 and must return to Mewni and must preform something to prove she is either coming along with her training by doing a princess song (hence the Stump day thing) or must get married. This doesn’t sit well with either Star or Marco: they would have to leave each other. As we all know it would break up what essentially makes one person because their personalities complete each other. This leads star to saying to herself “time to get a little awkward” and our two heroes talk to each other. Synopsis, synopsis, synopsis… They admit their feelings for each other at the end of the season, become official Starco. Anyway, what do you think? Do you think this could be possible or do you think something else may happen?

Originally posted by hazystrangers


Originally posted by dazthedazzler

Fair Haven Patch Notes: Update 3.17
- leprechauns have been removed from the program
- all mentions of the ‘leprechaun event’ have been removed from holographic memory and databases
- programmers promise to do better research ahead of adding malicious creatures to public holoprograms

irwinponyboy  asked:

You know what pisses my LORD JESUS! I was looking though tumblr and these little stupid annoying...!!! dont have a single ounce of brain cells like they brain is the size of a peanut. Tf you explained the whole situation better than ANYBODY! I swear people just want a reason to me mad. These are little kids staying pressed all the time!!!

I believe some of them are young and joining bandwagon hate to fit in and to have something to do, cause the shit I’ve been reading makes no sense, they make Patrick Star look like a Harvard graduate.

Desperate Summers

Pairing: Mikey Way x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Summary: It’s July 4, 2005, and you’re a guitar tech working Vans Warped Tour. You accidentally eavesdrop on a conversation between Mikey Way and Pete Wentz that you were never supposed to hear.

A/N: Happy 4th of July to all of my American followers! 

It was the fourteenth night of Warped Tour, and tonight, you and the musicians you worked for were in Fresno. It was also the 4th of July. You knew that a couple bands had bought fireworks, and planned to set them off after the show tonight. But, you weren’t worried about that right now. Your primary concern was getting sound check done on time - all the members of My Chemical Romance were onstage, ready to start, except for Mikey Way.

“Maybe he’s still on Fall Out Boy’s bus,” Gerard suggested. “He’s been hanging out with them a lot lately.”

“I guess I’ll head over there and look for him,” you decided.

“Thanks, Y/N!” Frank shouted at your back as you began walking towards the row of tour buses.

You found Fall Out Boy’s bus pretty easily - it had their name right on it. You swung open the door and were about to climb the steps when you heard voices coming from inside.

Keep reading

How I Met Your Mother

Okay, so I just finished watching all 9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother ( in under a month) 

i’m so satisfied, Annoyed, and sad. - i’m on some sort of emotional rollercoaster. 

so lets begin. 


My favourite things about the series was ( in no particular order) 

- Barney when he is totally in love with Robin 

- The friend ship between the five 

- Sassy Marshall 

- Ted’s Smile 

- the fact that Ted looks like Chai Cameron, ( i men they have the same smile)

- How Ted Met Tracy  ( so cute) 

- How similar and perfect Ted and Tracy are 

- The Slap Bet 

- The Pray Five 

- the Smurfs References that would make sense if you have seen the Smurfs movies 

-  season 9 up until the last episode 

- Barney’s Bachelor Party 

- the fact that Lin-Manuel Miranda is in it 

- the fact that the episode that Lin-Manuel is in, is all rhyming, and that he does a little rap 

- the Suit Musical Number 

- the musical Numbers through out the show 

-the way barney Proposed to Robin 

- the play book  

- how Excited Ted Gets about stuff 

-Robin Sparkles 

- laser Tag 

- How much barney Loves his mother 

- Marvin’s first words 

- the Yellow Umbrella 

- Ranjit 

- The fact that Marshall’s dad and patrick Star are the same person 

- “ NO ONE ASKED YOU PATRICE”

- Mickey’s dumb board games from terrible ideas 

- I Would walk 500 miles 

- how reliable Linus Is 

- Barney’s fake  family 

-how people think Ted and Marshall are gay 

- Marshall and Lily’s nicknames 

- the fact that Jack Frost was in it ( a.k.a martin Short) 

-that Robbie Ameil’s character was a dog 

- that Jayma mays was in it, ( she is from the Smurfs Movies, along side Neil Patrick Harris) 

- that Rhys Darby was in it and kept his new Zealand Accent 

-the fact that Lily can’t keep a secret 

- How Lily and Marshal tell each other everything 

- How  they all text each other in weird time ( such as going to the bathroom) 

- How they measure how their number 2 is going and send emojis 

-That Ted is the best friend ever 

- Ted and Tracy’s best moments 

- when Ted eats bacon for the first time 

-detective Mosby, and how he is always a wrong by a smitch 

-how sandwich is code for Pot 

-the Ring Bear 

-star wars 

- Marvins lullaby

- that we still don’t know where the Pineapple came from 

- the Pineapple episode 

-suits 

- when barney is jealous 

-the Goat 

- the episode when they point out each thing thats annoying about each other *glass breaks*

-  how Lily brings a 6 pack with her, for marshal when she goes away 

- the high fives 

-that time they were in a band 

- challenge accepted 

-the naked guy 

- the fact that Lily is marshall’s one and only 

- their booth 

-the super bowl episode 

- when they jump over to the other roof top 

-sword fights 

- that Ted is Nerd and doesn’t care 

- when Future ted and barney  come, and chat with Ted and barney 

- that Marshal and Lily’s apartment was on a lean 

- How Barney Surprised Robin with their rehearsal dinner  

Things i ate about the series 

- Robin and Teds relationships 

- that Robin is always the reason that Girls break-up with  Ted 

- that Robin and Barney’s marriage only lasts 3 years 

- that Robin can’t have children 

- that Lily and marshal were broken up for a period of time 

- that there aren’t more musical numbers 

- that the episode when Ted and barney are talking to future ted and barney, and Robin and Marshal are fighting over a drink name, didn’t happen and Ted was just alone : ( 

- that we didnt met Tracy sooner 

- that we never saw Marshall as  judge 

- how Ted was forever in love with Robin 

- that stupid locket 

- how Tracy ended up dying 

- How Ted and Tracy’s kids got out of the whole season was that Ted loved Robin 

- That Ted went back to Robin at the end 

- that we didn’t get to see Ted and tracy’s wedding 


Originally posted by thebluefoodofpercy

IMAGINE (this is super fake and long, ok?)

“UGH, I’m sooooo hungry!” Patrick moaned as he picked up the phone for his, what, 12th interview of the day? This was the last one. A 15-minute call to New Zealand. And then they could go eat.

“There needs to be a rule,” Elisa said, sitting cross-legged on the couch next to her boyfriend while he dialed in, her hands animating her words while she talked. “Dinner is to be eaten between 5 and 7 p.m. and no later. Any meal eaten after the allotted time must be a fourth meal.”

“I swear if they ask one more question about Pete I’m gonna straight up hang up,” Patrick said.

“Do it.”

“No, that’s mean.”

“You know,” Elisa said, leaning back into the couch with a devious smirk on her lips, “I could totally get you out of this interview in 5 minutes. Want me to?”

“No, it’s okay,” Patrick replied, apologetically. “It’s just 15 minutes and then we can go.”

“Suit yourself.”

Just then, the low-pitched voice of a woman emerged from the other line. “Thank you, Albert,” the voice said, referring to the strange man who connected the conference call. “Okay, bye. Hello Patrick?”

Patrick set her on speaker. “Hi,” he greeted.

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m good, I’m just wondering where Albert is –”

Oh boy. Patrick rolled his eyes. Elisa dropped her head in her hands. This one definitely wasn’t going to be about the music. Not about the inspiration behind Folie a Deux. No, this was gonna be one of those interviews.

Just play along with it, Patrick told himself, as the conversation floated topics from “people who answer conference calls” to “rock stars’ punctuality.” The interviewer’s voice – really getting on Elisa’s nerves. She listened as the talk continued on, now focusing on her boyfriend’s penchant for being late or forgetting about scheduled appointments. Suddenly, Elisa got an idea.

“Can you laugh and say you have to go?” she blurted aloud.

“Oh! Who was that?” the interviewer reacted.

Patrick glared at Elisa with wide eyes, pointing furiously at the phone to remind her they were on speaker. “Oh no, my girlfriend’s…wondering when all the interviews are gonna be over,” he chuckled nervously.

“It’s seven!” Elisa chimed, moving closer to the speaker so the radio could pick up her voice.

“Wow, she’s got you ‘round her little fingah!” the interviewer responded. “When are we going, honey?”

“The train does not wait!” Elisa continued. She fell backward into the sofa, giggling maniacally, her hands over her mouth to suppress her laughter. There was no train.

Patrick covered the speaker with his hand and pursed his lips at her. “Behave yourself,” he mouthed.

Elisa lay on the couch, attempting controlled inhales and exhales to calm down as the interview went on. The next few questions weren’t so bad. What is the best job you’ve ever had outside of rock ‘n’ roll? What do you love about New Zealand? This was good. As long as she didn’t ask about –

“With Pete Wentz being your mate and everything, what is it like hanging out, is he really that pretty in real life…?”

There it was. No. That’s it. It’s over.

“Okay, we’re leaving!” Elisa exclaimed. Loud enough for the speaker. Loud enough for the interviewer to react.

Patrick froze. He placed his hand over the speaker and looked at Elisa. “We’re going,” he whispered.

“Hmm?” Elisa perked, her brown eyes brightening.

“I’m seriously letting you go now because your girlfriend has really frightened me, so I’m going to let you go to dinner – ” the interviewer said. Boom.

Patrick blushed, his eyes wandering toward the clock. 7:05. Five minutes. Elisa did it. “Fair enough,” he laughed.

And the crew hung up. Patrick looked up at his crazy girlfriend, who was already standing, hands raised in the air, hips shaking awkwardly – yet shamelessly – in a victory dance.

“You know that got recorded,” Patrick said. “You know that’s probably gonna go on the internet and everyone is gonna hate you forever.”

“Oh, let ‘em hate,” Elisa smiled. “It fuels me.” And she kept dancing.

Patrick shook his head and sighed as he stood to his feet. Elisa grabbed his hand and led him out the door, her sweet yet sinister voice singing, “I! Don’t! Care what you think as long as it’s abouuut meee…”

“Please stop.”

Prompt Drabble #01

I’ve decided to start playing around with some dialogue prompts, and I stumbled across one that fit Squidward to a T. [link] Dedicated to @shirohibiki for helping me develop the confidence to share my writing on tumblr for the first time. There’s absolutely room for improvement, but hey, I need to learn to let go.

Pre-relationship squidbob, rated E10+ for Squidward’s general outlook on life. Includes references to “Hello Bikini Bottom,” an episode that everyone should absolutely watch at least once.


It wasn’t the first and it most likely wouldn’t be the last time Squidward had an existential breakdown regarding his merit as an artist. There was something notable about this particular occurrence, though.

Namely, his two obnoxious neighbors were there.

Keep reading

Patrick Stump x Reader : Insomnia

A/N: you guys are the best, honestly. school is shit, home is hell, but i come here and it always brings a smile on my face. as always, requests are open, usually it takes me a day or two to get to them, SORRY!!! I always try my best to get ‘em out as fast as possible, not only cause it’s so much fun for me, but also for you. you guys are amazing. okay i’ll shut up now haha. here’s a fluffy cute one with patrick cause i couldn’t sleep last night so i wrote this…

You stared at the ceiling, the same ceiling you’ve been staring at ever since you were a kid. No matter where you went, where you were, how much you’ve grown, it was always the same thing. Same ceiling, same restless night, same you laying down in your bed stuck with the thoughts in your head and unable to fall asleep. Insomnia is a bitch. That’s for sure. Ever since you could remember, falling asleep was always something hard for you. You could crawl under the covers exhausted, sleepy, and yawning, but as soon as you closed your eyes it was as if you mind was flooded with thoughts, unable to stop bugging you, your own brain attacking itself. Because what’s a better time to reassess your entire life choices than the middle of the night? That’s how your brain worked anyway. From the embarrassing moment you had in kindergarten to the stupid crush in third grade or your first break up or the last time you got grounded by your parents, it seemed like almost anything and everything just came rushing back to you, as if your memories decided to come pester you from the past. Sometimes it was nostalgia, other times nightmares. It would also be reminiscing either fond memories and knowing that maybe things would never go back to the way they were. A lot of the time it was crying over frivolous things, your mind going on overload, your body self destructing like it does every single fucking day of the year, and the whole weight of the world on your shoulders, crushing you until you just weren’t strong enough.

That’s how it went every night. You should be used to it by now, is what you had always told yourself, but no matter how many times it happened, you would never feel accustomed to this feeling. Yes, you found it normal now, and it was something you knew happened on almost a daily basis, but you were still never prepared. It’s sort of like those movies where they have a reoccurring problem, and they should know how to fix it by now, but every time they face it, they freeze up and don’t know how to fight it. You had tried almost every trick in the book. Whether it was counting sheep, staying motionless, listening to music, turning all the lights off, taking pills, or simply just exhausting yourself before going to bed, nothing helped. You sometimes found yourself getting no sleep at all, slowly watching as the darkness in your room brightened through the sunlight leaking in from the window blinds. Nothing helped.

Lately though, you had been talking to your friend Patrick, a boy who had moved to your school the past year. He was sweet, kind, and pretty cute. He was short, had blonde hair that hung over his forehead, glasses, and liked to wear fedoras and sweaters. You guys became good friends quickly, and began to text each other late at night. Patrick didn’t quite suffer from insomnia as much as you did, rather, he was just a night person, and hated waking up early in the mornings for school. Since he was usually up late, he was dependable and able to text when you needed someone to talk to, just to pour your thoughts out, somebody to vent to. He didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he actually preferred you tell him your thoughts. He had said something about if you kept them all bottled up inside you, it would probably be too much for you to handle. And he was true. Ever since you started talking to Patrick, you found yourself crying less, being a little more lax, and even getting some sleep. Some sleep meaning about three or four hours, but it was sleep nonetheless. That’s the thing about insomniacs, any amount of sleep is a blessing. Especially when it goes undisturbed. Nightmares were a whole other problem, something once you started actually sleeping, you couldn’t find away to escape them. They just came and went as they pleased, haunting you and chilling you to the bone. How do you explain to someone that the reason you had a bad morning is because you had just witnessed the person you loved most killed in your dream last night? How do you describe to somebody the feeling of experiencing your worst fears all at the same time, simply in one dream? It’s impossible. They don’t understand. They never will.

You’ve stopped trying to get people to try to understand you. Your parents assume you’re asleep, they don’t know. In fact, you’ve never told anyone, not even your closest friends, until Patrick came around. Patrick Stump wasn’t your average teenage boy. He wasn’t shoving you in the hallway or slamming your locker shut or flicking your ear or saying dirty jokes. He was different. He would save you a spot during lunch or help open your locker when you had trouble, he would listen to the things you had to say, and he would text or call you if he suspected something was wrong, and when it wasn’t such a serious time, he would have witty remarks or silly things to say to lighten up the mood. And his smile always brightened up the room. And his hugs- oh my goodness gracious, his hugs. They were like warm blankets fresh from the dryer and homemade cookies made at grandmother’s house and snow angels on the twelfth day of Christmas and every time you’ve ever smiled all wrapped into one. If anyone on earth had the best hugs, it was Patrick Martin Stump.

So here you were, middle of the night, and texting Patrick once again. Staring at the ceiling did get boring after about four hours, and although you hated to bug him with your problems, you couldn’t help it. How do you turn down an opportunity to talk to your favorite person in the world just so you can stay awake all night staring at a ceiling? You pulled out your phone and sighed, scrolling through your contacts until your thumb rested above his name. It was late, way too late to be contacting him. You shook your head and slipped your phone back underneath your pillowcase, staring at the ceiling once again. That’s when you felt a buzz and you reached for your phone again. It was Patrick. Except instead of a text, it was a call. Strange, he called you during the day, but not usually in the night time. You thought it all out, knowing your parents were probably asleep downstairs, and they wouldn’t be able to hear you if you kept it quiet. You answered the call and pressed the phone up to your ear, resting your head on the pillow and pulling your sheets up and hearing his voice. “Everything okay?” he wondered.

“How can you read my mind?” you stifled a laugh.

“I take that as a no?” he asked.

“What do you think?” you sighed. “It’s like two a.m.”

“Yeah…” his voice drifted off.

“How’d band practice go tonight? Sorry, I couldn’t make it,” you apologized. “Pete said you guys were working on a new song.”

“Eh, we kind of got into a fight,” Patrick mumbled. “It’s nothing big though.”

“Okay,” you responded.

“So how about you? What’s up? Can’t sleep? What’s on your mind?” Patrick inquired. “You can tell me anything, I’m here to listen.”

“I don’t know,” you murmured. “I guess it’s mainly just my own anxiety and self doubt haunting me again.”

“Your own mind is your worst enemy,” he reminded you. “I wish sometimes I could have a remote to your brain, and just press the mute button for you, so maybe, just maybe, you can let my words get to you one day.”

“That’d be nice,” you smiled.

“So what else? I mean, anxiety wise, is this self image or something at school or home?” Patrick questioned. “Anything I can help you with? I’ll try my best, as always.”

“Just my insecurities,” you whispered. “Stupid stuff.”

“Stupid stuff?” he repeated, frowning.

“Yeah,” you took a deep breath. “The usual. My appearance mostly. My brain’s trying to convince myself I’m worthless again. And I’m sort of starting to believe it.”

“Well tell it to shut the fuck up,” Patrick laughed. “Because you’re one of the most amazing people in my entire life, and there’s no value to that.”

“Thanks,” you smiled half heartedly. “It means a lot.”

“Look, it’s just your brain playing games with you again,” he explained. “You just need to fight it. Take it one battle at a time. Don’t over obsess over the tiny things. All the stuff you think are flaws are actually just the best qualities of you. And if you don’t believe me, then take a look in the mirror and you’ll see just what I’m talking about. Okay?”

“Okay,” you replied, glancing up at your ceiling again. A pause settled between you for a moment. “What are you doing, Patrick?”

“I’m sitting in bed playing a video game,” he responded.

“In the middle of the night?” you verified.

“Yeah, I’m not all that tired,” he reassured. “How about you?”

“Staring at the goddamn ceiling again,” you mumbled.

“Ah, you’re good old friend,” Patrick joked.

“More like the annoying cousin you never want to see on the holidays but always shows up anyways,” you corrected. “I don’t know about good old friend.”

“It’s okay,” he laughed. “I’ll come over to your house and I’ll take off your roof so you don’t have a ceiling. Then I’m going to replace it with glass, and I’m going to make a nice dome. So whenever you can’t sleep, you can stare up at the stars instead of your ceiling, and that way you might have something better to look at when you’re talking to me late at night. We can have a nice little conversation like this, and you can stare up at the stars, and I can stare at my video game screen, and we can both me happy.” He stopped. “You do like stars, right?”

“I love the stars,” you chuckled. “You know that.”

“Then I’ll be over tomorrow with the tools,” he decided. You both laughed and you shook your head, rearranging yourself in your bed, looking up at the ceiling and imagining what it would be like looking up at all the stars instead.

“Thanks Patrick,” you grinned. “That cheered me up.”

“I thought it would,” he replied. “However, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it happen anytime soon.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured. “It’s the thought that counts.”

“Hopefully we’ll have it in our house one day,” he sighed.

“Yeah,” you replied. Wait. Did he just say our house?

“Holy smokes!” he exclaimed.

“What?” you wondered.

“I just passed the level!” he reported. “After seventeen attempts…”

“Congrats,” you giggled, your mind still lingering on what he had said earlier. He had never told you he liked you in that way. You guys were just friends. Much less, did he mean living with you one day? Surely it was just a mistake. Did he think he was going to marry you? What? You dwelled on the idea for a moment, almost forgetting that Patrick was still talking about you on the other end of the line, rambling on about how hard it was to beat the level.

“I can’t believe I finally passed it,” he was saying as you remembered to start listening again.

“I’m happy for you,” you smiled.

“Anyways,” Patrick took a deep breath. “It’s getting late. You’ve got to be up early tomorrow, you should go sleep.”

“I can’t sleep,” you argued. “You know that. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to.”

“Well maybe I can make you sleep,” he suggested.

“How the hell are you going to do that?” you laughed.

“I honestly don’t know,” Patrick replied. “I could bore you to death maybe.”

“You couldn’t bore me to death if your life depended on it,” you joked. “You’re my favorite person Patrick. Everything you say is interesting.”

“I’m flattered,” he gasped mockingly and you just smirked.

“How about I uh, I sing you a song?” he asked.

“What?” you wondered, surprised. You had only seen Patrick sing at band practices. He never sang in public, he was usually shy, he didn’t like to brag about it, and he didn’t even think he was a good singer.

“I mean, if you wanted me to,” he murmured. “I don’t have to. I just thought maybe it could work.”

“I’d love to hear you sing a song,” you responded.

“But it’s going to be a slow one,” he reminded. “Because it’s supposed to make you fall asleep.”

“I don’t know,” you added. “It might just make me want to stay awake, listen to another one.”

“Just let’s try,” he pleaded. “Because I really want to find something to cure your insomnia.”

“Why?” you inquired. “If you don’t want to be up, you don’t have to. Don’t feel obliged to stay up and talk to be about my problems. It’s okay. Really, I’ve dealt with this all my life.”

“That’s the thing,” Patrick explained. “You’ve dealt with it all your life. And it’s killing you inside. You have a million problems and insecurities and this isn’t helping. It’s only making it worse.”

“I know how to handle it,” you lied.

“No, y/n, you don’t,” he argued. “Just please, let me try to figure this out. Try to figure you out. Because it breaks my heart to see you have to put up with these things. I’m only trying to make things better for you, okay? So can we please try?”

“Sure,” you responded, a small smile curling on your lips. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” he promised. “I just want you to feel better.”

“You’re the best Patrick,” you whispered.

“Nah, you are,” he replied. “Now, this is one that Pete wrote a little while ago. I found a melody to it, on my guitar, but I don’t think it’s ready for the album. It’s kind of different.”

“Different?” you wondered. “Like from the stuff you guys usually play?”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It’s just not the usual. It’s slower. It’s just… Different.”

“Okay,” you laid down comfortably in your bed, resting your head on your pillow, you phone tucked underneath your ear. “I’m ready to hear it.”

“It’s called Lullaby,” Patrick informed. “I thought about you when I first read the lyrics.”

“Why?” you asked.

“This is why…” he whispered. He cleared his throat and hummed a soft melody before singing. “Honey is for bees, silly bear. Besides, there’s jellybeans everywhere. It’s not what it seems in the land of dreams. Don’t worry your head, just go to sleep. It doesn’t matter how you feel. Life is just a ferris wheel. It’s always up and down, don’t make a sound. When you wake up the world will come around. When you wake up the world will come around. It’s just the sweet weather and the peacock feathers. In the morning it will all be better. It’s not what it seems in the land of dreams, don’t worry your head just go to sleep…”

“Patrick,” you breathed softly, your eyelids closing slowly and your mind drifting off into slumber. You loved his voice, but all you knew was it being powerful, belting out the lyrics, singing at the top of his lungs. You had never heard him sing like this. It was so soft and sweet and beautiful, absolutely just his raw voice, every shout and yell and scream of the lyric stripped away, leaving the pure angelic sound. For the first time in what felt like forever, you fell asleep.

“Y/n?” Patrick asked through the phone hesitantly after he was done. “You there?” He waited several minutes before he finally heard soft snoring from the other end of the line and chuckled. “Now there’s a sound I don’t think anyone has ever heard.” He smiled and began to close his eyes. “I love you. Sweet dreams. And goodnight.”

*also another A/N sorry
for those going through tough times,
just your daily reminder to stay alive |-/
it’s gonna get better :)

anonymous asked:

pet rocks become all the rave at their school

Cartman: Those were the most profitable 22 minutes of my life

anonymous asked:

shit man i found that google dox spreadsheet with all those fic recommendations and like blew through it in like 2 days its a slippery slope

IT’S SO GOOD. To everyone wondering, it is here. It’s got a multitude of pairings and is organized so well. My favorites that I discovered from the list:

Another Think Coming - kazer - The fake telepathy was Jonny’s idea. Management has been on Patrick’s case about hockey bonds, and this should finally satisfy them. Patrick has never wanted any of it - teammates or soulmates or anyone else in his head. Jonny does want a soulmate, but Patrick isn’t it. Patrick is just the perfect stopgap. Faking it is going a little too well.

Back Of The Bus Actionl - kazer - “Stop, stop making noises, someone’s gonna wake up,” Jonny hisses, turning Patrick’s face to latch onto his neck. Jonny places his free hand over Patrick’s mouth, keeping it shut. “You make another sound, I stop,” Jonny threatens.

Camaraderie And Sense Of Belonging - bennguin - Paying for sex seems sort of sleazy, but Jamie just wants someone he can count on to be discreet.

Cinch - sidgeno - Cinch n.
An encircling cord, band, or belt.
Informal. Something easy to accomplish // A sure thing; a certainty.

I Only Have Teeth For You - kazer, segs/kaner -  “Did you bite him?” is the first thing out of Tazer’s mouth. "No, god, how much of an asshole do you think I am?“ Patrick demands; but then a second later he adds, “I wanted to, though. I thought about doing it to you while he was jerking me off.”

A Sunday Kind Of Love - bennguin -  “You’re Tyler Seguin.”

Tyler squints at him, his eyes hazy from alcohol. “Have we met?”

“Uh,” Jamie says, trying to find a way to say totally and on the ice mostly and the All Star Game in January but unable to talk around the lump in his throat. So much for anonymity.

Honestly everything on the list is a revelation. It’s an awesome document, thank you @chicago-runsonduncan!