yoshi!!

My favorite part of Smash Bros is at the beginning of three player matches where players 1 and 2 are somewhat realistic human characters, like Marth and Ryu, and then the camera zooms out and fucking Yoshi is there

Sm4sh mains

• Mario - basic ass bitch. either just learning the game or don’t want to have to try

• Luigi - only played as a joke or if your opponent chose Mario before you

• Peach - embodies the “Did I win?” victory phrase in all aspects of life

• Bowser - is really bad at the game but feels less bad bc their character doesn’t die until 1001%

• Dr. Mario - salty cuz they can’t land regular Mario’s f-air meteor and would rather just go w/ the extra damage

• Yoshi - confused by endless [actually significant] patch changes to their character

• Donkey Kong - either wishes they were M2K or are M2K

• Diddy Kong - haven’t updated their game

• Link - are either in denial that Toon Link is better or accept that Toon Link is better but are in too deep to go back now

• Zelda - your girlfriend’s 1st time playing the game. chosen based off aesthetics and immediately regretted

• Sheik - says “god tier” every time they land a jab

• Ganondorf - 104% of deaths a result of going too deep for the d-air and failing to recover

• Toon Link - cycles between the 3 projectiles in a periodical pattern yet wonders how they’re read so easily

• Meta Knight - keeps asking why nobody’s tripping

• King Dedede - is really bad at the game but feels less bad bc their character has the most OP hit boxes in the game

• Fox - stales the u-air from missing it too much and gets rid of their single valid kill move

• Falco - thinks they’re playing Melee just bc they’re using a GameCube controller

• Pikachu -

• Jigglypuff - 143% of deaths come from missed off-stage rest kills

• MewTwo -

• Charizard - would rather be playing Pokemon Red/Blue

• Lucario - talks the whole match about how you’re only helping them by hitting them but then dies before they can take advantage of the aura

• Captain Falcon - isn’t aware that there are buttons besides the d-pad

• Ness - wants to git gud but instead just gits gimped

• Lucas - /loses their shit/ when they land 1/1000000 b-air meteors (am a Lucas main and can attest to this)

• Marth - spends the whole game bitching about how the tipper hitbox has been nerfed

• Roy - starts chanting “Roy’s our boy” themselves when the game’s crowd won’t do it for them

• Ike - makes comments about their character’s muscles in a bad Schwarzenegger accent every time they land a smash

• Mr. Game & Watch - either gets 2 stocked or lands 3 judge hammer 9s in a row

• Pit - tries too hard to maneuver the arrows and ends up never hitting

• Wario - spams the motorcycle and wonders why nobody likes playing w/ them

• Olimar -

• R.O.B. -

• Sonic - spends the entire match sprinting around, doesn’t actually hit anyone

• Rosalina & Luma -

• Bowser Jr. - haven’t unlocked Duck Hunt yet

• Greninja - wishes they could play Sheik but keep SDing themselves w/ Bouncing Fish

• Robin - is the only person playing who doesn’t realize their character’s tomes have time based ammo and assume the controllers broken when they can’t endlessly spam fire walls

• Lucina - is intimidated by having to be cautious of a sourspot hitbox

• Villager - gitting gimped is not in their vocabulary

• Little Mac - you got your mom or dad to play a round w/ you and all the non-human and/or magic using characters made them uncomfortable

• Wii Fit Trainer - is waiting for their carbs to settle before they hit the gym

• Shulk - indecisive as shit w/ the Monado

• Palutena - your girlfriend’s 2nd choice after Zelda didn’t work out

• Dark Pit - gets really edgy if you tell them their character is a carbon copy of regular Pit

• Duck Hunt - a fucking troll. smh. fuck you if you main Duck Hunt

• Mega Man - talks to you in a calm voice the whole match about what installments of the MM games the moves they’re using are from

• Pac Man - your mom’s/dad’s choice after they get more daring and branch out from Little Mac

• Ryu - everyone thinks they’re drunk bc they’re seemingly just performing random attacks and SDing themselves a lot but they’re actually trying to manage the input command specials

• Cloud - spends the whole match getting towards Limit Break only to have to use it to recover