yon 2

may phase sa buhay natin na tahimik lang, yung chill lang at alam mong okay ka, masaya ka, may ups and downs pero kaya mo. pero shet, may biglang dadating sa buhay mong isang tao na guguluhin lang yung nananahimik mong mundo tapos ikaw tong papapasukin yung taong yun sa buhay mo ng walang pag aalinlangan tapos mag uusap kayo, ayan magkakaroon nanaman kayo ng rason para magpuyat tuwing gabi at gumising ng may ngiti sa labi. aakalain mong siya yung may potensyal na magkaroon ng ‘’kayo’’ sa mundo niyo ngunit nagkakamali ka, ang kasagutan niya pala sa mga katanungang bumabagabag sayong isipan ay ‘’hindi ko alam’’. hindi niya alam, isang napaka gagong sagot ngunit wala ka nang magawa kundi mag-isip. mag isip ng mag isip, dahil oo nakakabaliw ang mga katagang ‘’hindi ko alam’’ sa mundong ito, na akala mo siya na, ngunit isa lamang nilalang na tumambay sa mundo mong tahimik, ngayon ay nagulo dahil sa mga katagang yon. 

i'm scared

yes, natatakot ako. kasi hindi ko alam kung paano magpapasok ng tao sa buhay ko. nasanay ako sa temporary, nasanay ako sa panandalian lang, nasanay ako sa saglit lang. hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag aadjust. sounds funny pero last 2 years ago pa yung last relationship ko, last commitment ko yon. lumipas yung 2 years, kinaya kong mapag-isa, hanggang ngayong college i feel so alone, even sa family ko lagi ako nagsseek ng attention. friends? meron kahit papano. hindi ko alam kung nasa akin ba talaga yung problema. hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ganito katigas. sa ngayon, hindi ko alam kung paano mag umpisa. kaya nga siguro wala akong partner, sabi ni mama, “ikaw anak, kailan ka ba may ipapakilala sakin?” nakakatawa sagutin pero palagi ko na lang sagot, inuuna ko muna yung pag aaral, which is totoo naman. pero narealize ko, tama nga yung sinabi ng kaklase ko sakin na, buksan ko yung sarili ko sa ibang tao, pero i’m scared & always rejected, kaya nasanay na lang din ako mag isa. siguro, di na rin ako takot mag isa sa ngayon. lagi kong hinihingi ko kay Lord na sana naman isang araw maranasan ko din yung maramdaman ko na nag eexist din pala ako. growing up naman kasi, pinili kong maging masaya sa iba kesa sa sarili ko. di ko namamalayan, yung sarili ko, kulang kulang.

tinatamad ako pumasok sa thursday kaya kanina ginawa ko na yung best ko para payagan ako ng boss ko. hinay-hinay muna dahil ayoko siyang biglain diba sino ba naman ang may gusto non. inuuto-uto ko lang siya panay bigay ako ng pagkain tapos sinisuhulan ko ng yosi tapos niyaya ko.

m: sir miel, tara taas
miel: meron ka?
m: aba oo, di ako magyaya ng wala
miel: tara

at nasa taas na kami bale kwento ng ganyan at ganto tapos siya ang biglang nag open up…

miel: hindi ka ba uuwi sa probinsya niyo?
m: ayun buti nagtanong ka dahil may balak ako mag leave sa thursday. pwede ba sir?
miel: anong date ba yon?
m: november 2
miel: natapos mo na ba mga pinapatapos ko?
m: aba oo naman ip-print ko na lang
miel: sige. iwan mo na lang leave form mo sa table ko.
m: yan gusto ko sayo eh. labyu miel (normal na to samin na tawagin siyang miel dahil di naman siya nagrereklamo)
miel: sige salamat sa donut at yosi ingat kayo ng family mo

OH DIBAAA BUTI NA LANG TALAGA MAGANDA MOOD NETO NGAYON EH HAHA. balak ko sana hanggang friday kaso baka di na ako payagan. yes naman ang haba ng bakasyon ko tapos may next week pa hihi.

anyway, magandang gabi mga lodi!!!

Aang, Katara, and anger

Katara: I knew you wouldn’t understand.
Aang: Wait, stop, I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?

To clarify, in context, I don’t think Katara meant to say that Aang wouldn’t be able to understand her feelings of loss and grief about her mother here (it’s not the point), but that he wouldn’t understand her desire for retaliation. He answers that he does:

Sweet tragic irony: Aang is the only member of the Gaang to deliberately kill something (it looks like that buzzard wasp’s body was cut straight in two?), and he was feeling too much pain and rage to care, or even remember (it’s that or ~denial). Aang knows what Katara is feeling because he experienced it too. He didn’t just feel sad when he lost Appa or his entire people, he was also enraged. At the sandbenders, at the Fire Nation, at the entire world. Consequently, he also knows how terribly easy it is to lose control in these moments, to just let these incredibly powerful emotions take over. Lucky for him, every time he almost lost it, Katara was there to help him get through it. And right now, he’s trying to return the favor.

Aang and Sokka are so worried about Katara in The Southern Raiders because they know who she is. They know she gets angry and completely owns that anger, but also that she’s one of the most compassionate person they’ve ever seen. That she can feel compassion for anybody, even those who hurt her before. They’ve seen her devastated after she couldn’t save Jet, despite the fact he betrayed her before, despite the fact she was furious against him just moments earlier. In The Chase, they’ve seen her show compassion toward Zuko the moment he demonstrated a little humanity (the guy who tried to kill her several times, who was constantly trying to capture the last hope for the world - her hope - and that was before he gave her any reason to think he might turn to the good side, before he offered any apology). They’ve seen her in tears after she was forced to learn bloodbending by Hama, because she finds it repulsive and wrong, and she wouldn’t want to use it even against her worst enemy, even against Hama herself (who had no qualms torturing her with it). They know she’s not being herself, and they’re afraid she’ll do something she might regret (you can’t undo killing a person).

(And, let’s be honest, the episode proves them right: 1) her using bloodbending was probably put in expressly to show she’s not in her normal state of mind, and 2) killing Yon Rha wasn’t what she needed. Katara said she felt like she had no choice but to get revenge once she knew she could find him - but she did have one, and it’s a good thing Aang was there to help her see that she wasn’t bound by anything but her own mind, that there was another option and she could set herself free.)

It’s interesting that Aang and Katara, the show’s standing sunshine cheesy hippies of hope and love, are also the most prone to uncontrollable destructive anger. They are genocide survivors and have been hurt in many ways without letting it destroy their good heart and spirit, their ability to feel joy and love, to live, up until these moments when it’s just too much. They also have vastly different ways to deal with it, in perfect accordance with their respective elements. As we’ve already seen, Katara owns her anger, she lives it, sometimes almost revels in it, lets it flow and grow without holding it back, and she redirects it at her enemies to submerge them under her power. Aang is out-of-touch with his anger: he doesn’t want to deal with it, he’s afraid of what it does to him: ”You saw what I did out there. I was so angry about losing Appa, I couldn’t control myself. I hated feeling like that” (from The Serpent’s Pass). He avoids and evade, up until he can’t anymore, and then it comes out as a freaking tornado, powerful and devastating. Most Avatars didn’t know who they were until 16, mastering the Avatar State can take years of discipline, but just thinking about what the monks did to him in The Storm is enough for Aang to trigger it. His Avatar State is always so pissed, and these are Aang’s emotions (you can see by how tense he is that he’s trying to hold back but just can’t).

So it’s really important in terms of their relationship that they’re always ready to help each other out, that they never hold what they may have said when they were hurt against the other. They’ve seen each other at their worst and helped each other grow, become more balanced. Aang helped Katara keep a more level-headed mind in The Southern Raiders. Katara helped Aang see he didn’t have to suppress all his emotions after his breakdown in The Desert, that he could let himself feel again. Etc. It’s also notable that even when they disagree, they are still respectful of each other, and they show it this episode too. Aang doesn’t think Katara is doing the right thing, but he chose to trust her, to accept her decision and let her borrow Appa: “This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man”. And Katara, as angry as she is, never mocks Aang for his beliefs - Zuko is the one who does (twice, answering in her stead). Katara is grateful for his support: “Thanks for understanding Aang” - this is in direct contrast to her quote from earlier (see above) when she didn’t think he could (meaning she did listen to him, and changed her mind at least where he’s concerned). It’s also important that they didn’t need to reach a perfect consensus: Katara didn’t kill Yon Rha, but she didn’t forgive him either, and that’s perfectly fine, they’re ok.

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TUMBLR 2009-2011

Ito yung mga panahon kung kelan lubos kong minahal ang Tumblr. Oo, Tumblr. Yung blogsite. Halos 24hrs ako dun nakatutok, nagsusulat at nagiiscroll. Nakakatuwa at nakakamiss ang mga panahong mataba pa ang utak ko at tila hindi nawawalan ng isusulat. Kaso, dumating ang araw na kelangan ko na rin mabuhay sa realidad ng pagiging “grown up” at maghanap ng trabaho at magfocus sa hinaharap.

Nung 2009-2011, may mga bagay na nauso sa Tumblr, karamihan don eh wala na ngayon.

1. Online Check. Ito ang post na kadalasan eh mas madami pang likes kesa sa actual at seryosong post mo para malaman kung gaano karami ang online sa oras na yon.
2. Describe/Promote Blogs. Kung saan ilalarawan mo ang blogs na napili mo para na rin maadvertise ito at dumagdag ang followers. Minsan may magsesend sa Ask box mo ng mga blogs na gusto nilang idescribe mo.
3. TTH (Titillating/Topless Thursdays). Isa sa pinakainaabangan ng madlang tumblr people tuwing Huwebes ng gabi. Mga post na nakakaakit at nakakapag painit ng gabi hahaha. Kaso minsan may mga taong sumosobra sa pagpost at naipapakita ang mga hindi kanais nais hahaha. Nagkakaroon tuloy ng bashers at haters pero lumilipas din naman.
4. Bashers/Haters/Anon. Mga pampadagdag “spice” sa buhay ng isang blogger. Ayaw nila sayo so tatadtarin nila Ask mo ng hate messages at lahat ng masasakit. Usually anonymous sila kahit may option na ipakita pangalan para syempre hindi sila matrack at mabash back. Hahaha
5. Tumblr Loveteams. Hehehehehe. Alam niyo na yan. Usong uso yan noon. Madalas nagkakatuluyan yung mga pinipair ng followers na bloggers. Example: KhyeRhads hahaha
6. “Ate/kuya pafollowback po” Ang madalas na makikita mo sa Ask mo kung hindi paghingi ng advice. May ibang nagagalit pag hindi pinafollowback at nagiging hater at nagaanon sa Ask mo para sabihin na iuunfollow ka niya.
7. Tumblr Idols. Yung isscreenshot pag finollow back ka ng idol mo. Naks.
8. Typos and Graphics. Yung may quote ka tapos ipapaste mo sa magandang background. Mostly about love ang topic.
9. Greying. Eto yung pinakasikat na theme ng blogs noon. Pahirapan sa pag edit para magmukhang unique but simple ang blog mo.
10. Tumblr tropas. Nabuo yung barkadahan na nagsimula sa Tumblr. Yung iba, hanggang ngayon, barkada pa rin. May nawala, may dumagdag. Hindi imposible yung mahanap ang totoong kaibigan kahit sa Online lang kayo nagkakilala at nagkakausap.

Nakakamiss lang talaga! Ang sarap mag-reminisce hahaha. Kaway kaway sa mga 2009 blogger like meeeeh haha.

PS. Credits to (Khye Peñaflor aka TheSkullCandiii)