Yom Kippur False Alarm

So, a few years ago, Yom Kippur was coming up and I really needed to ask forgiveness of a Gentile friend who I had failed a couple times that year, and even though the friend hadn’t mentioned it, it had been eating at me.  This friend didn’t really know anything about Judaism.

So I contacted him, by email, (we were in different countries at this time) and I said “I know that I failed you with [thing], and I just want to say how sorry I am.  I will try to fix it in the future. If I have done anything else that may have harmed you at any time in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I am truly sorry.  I ask that you will forgive me.  I hope that you will accept my apology. Please let me know before 3 days from now.”

My friend promptly responded with the following: “Are you dying????”

The Moral of the Story: explain what Yom Kippur is to your gentile friends.

Just some clarification because I’ve seen certain confused posts in the tags today: 

Yom HaShoah (the Israeli Holocaust Remembrance Day for Jewish victims, also observed by some outside of that country, observed the 27th of Nissan) 

is different from 

International Holocaust Remembrance Day (day observed for all victims, internationally, on January 27) 

is different from

the Jewish fast days pre-dating the Holocaust on which Jewish victims of the Holocaust and other tragedies throughout Jewish history are traditionally remembered in a religious Jewish context.

im so tired of goy being so uneducated and insensitive to jewis culture so just some basics:

• if you’re not jewish you dont get to say “jew” period
• holocaust, hitler, and nazi jokes aren’t funny period
• seriously quit saying “grammar nazi”
• also when the subject of the holocaust or hitler happen to come up DONT TRY TO SAY THAT HITLER WAS DOING WHAT WAS BEST FOR HIS COUNTRY OR THAT HE WAS HUMAN
• dont make jokes about us being penny pinchers or greedy or any of that its gross and racist
• if youre a goyim dont tell me that “_____ was a very jew thing for me to do”
• dont use yiddish, goy always mispronounce it and tbh it sounds stupid when you try
• dont call our traditions weird just cause theyre different
• be aware that jewish holidays dont get the same respect from society as christian ones do
• seriously our holidays are almost never seen as “a legit reason” to miss work/school

Jewish Holidays in one sentence

Rosh HaShannah - Happy new year, now eat this apple with honey.

Yom Kippur - Sit quietly at home and contemplate your mistakes

Sukkot - Build weird huts and buy weird lemons.

Hannukah - Lights and oily food.

Tu BiShvat - Eat dried fruits and fight deforestation.

Purim - We avoided a genocide, go put on a costume.

Passover - We kinda avoided a genocide, stop eating bread for a week.

Lag BaOmer - Celebrate this failed rebellion with bonfires.

Shavuot - Dairy foods and Moses.

Tish’a BiAv - Romans fucking suck.

Tu BiAv - Jewish Valentine’s Day

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

                                         -  Pastor Martin Niemöller

i’ve been having a problem with all the “basics of jewish culture” and “what you shouldn’t say to jewish people” posts because i personally don’t relate to a lot of it?? i mean, i don’t get offended by a lot, but of course there are some things that bother me so i thought i’d make my own post

keep in mind, this is just in regards to me, my opinions, and what you can and shouldn’t say in front of me. everyone else has their own opinions on what bothers them.

  • i personally don’t have a problem if you’re not jewish and call me a jew. that’s what i am
  • HOWEVER, do not use jew as derogatory or as a euphemism for cheap, greedy, etc. those are stereotypes and they’re gross
  • greedy does not equal jewish
  • and also if you’re not jewish don’t say stuff like “jew nose” or “jew curls” idk that irks me just compliment me on my hair
  • mostly jew nose though, that doesn’t slide ever, jew curls is fine if we’re close
  • speaking of appearances, i happen to have blonde hair and green eyes which is not how “most jews look” so don’t say i don’t “look jewish” because jews don’t look any one way
  • holocaust jokes are not funny
  • the hitler walk is not funny
  • you’d have to greatly cartoon-ize and exaggerate hitler in order for anything to do with that man to be even remotely funny
  • (the one thing that gets a pass is the auschwitz card in cards against humanity because that game is deliberately designed to be fucked up)
  • the two most used ways to spell our december holiday is “hanukkah” and “chanukah”
  • but please dear god if you use chanukah don’t say it with the american “ch” sound like “chair” and “chopped” because it’s not only horribly wrong it is a little insensitive and you just look dumb
  • it kinda sounds like you’re getting mucus out of the back of your throat
  • just stick with hanukkah until someone demonstrates it
  • the jewish calendar is a lunar calendar and all holidays begin at sundown
  • i.e. christmas eve is the first night of hanukkah this year, and it starts whenever the sun sets, so if it says hanukkah starts on christmas on your calendar, no, wrong, it’s the night before
  • also there are 8 nights of hanukkah i don’t know why people still don’t know that
  • and don’t say happy yom kippur it’s not a happy holiday
  • antisemitism is still VERY REAL, especially with the current political climate, and it might only get worse going forward. please be respectful, don’t make insensitive jokes, validate our customs and traditions and history and what’s considered disrespectful. and please, don’t be afraid to ask questions about anything. i’m more than happy to answer them the best i can

happy hanukkah, and a merry christmas to the goyim!!

Yom Hoshoah/Holocaust Remembrance Day Prayer

A very relevant prayer today, even for non-Jews.

Ribbono shel Olam – Master of the Universe:

On this most solemn of occasions, we open our hearts, minds, and souls to you.

As we remember the six million, the eleven million, the indifference, and the evil;

As we honor the heroes, the martyrs, the survivors, and the victims;

We ask you to soothe our souls, to amplify our memories, to strengthen our resolve, and to hear our prayers.

We ask for your presence in our midst; for healing, light, and love to soothe and ease our pain, as we commemorate the horrors that were committed not long ago. Please, oh Holy One, be gentle with our souls.

We ask that you help us to forever remember the stories we hear. As tales of the atrocities are shared, as we re-encounter the unthinkable, we ask that these memories be strengthened and never fade, in the hope that those who remember the mistakes of the past will not repeat them. Please, oh Holy One, amplify our ability to remember.

We ask that you strengthen our will, that you help us to ensure that the world does not again see such monstrosities. We say “never again” and we dedicate ourselves to this principle, to the idea that justice does not allow persecution, that genocide shall not be repeated, and that vigilance is the responsibility of freedom, at all costs. Please, oh Holy One, make manifest our resolve that these horrors remain but memories.

We ask that you answer our prayers. We pray that the call of evil falls on deaf ears, that those who fight for freedom and justice always prevail, that those who need protection do not become victims. We pray that the lessons we learn from this darkest hour allow all humankind to better itself, and to truly and nobly embody the idea that we are each made in Your image. We pray for the souls of the millions and millions of victims of this brutality; we pray that we honor their lives and their memories by observing this day, and by doing everything in our power and beyond to make sure that no such shadow again darkens our world.

Above all, we pray for shalom—for wholeness and peace—to be in our midst, now and forever. Please, oh Holy One, answer our prayers and bring us a world devoid of hatred, filled instead with peace.

Ken yehi ratzon – may this be God’s will. And may we all say together, Amen.