out. so i’m writing this hella long post about my thoughts and everything on each of lorelai’s relationships, and it’s really teaching me a lot about lorelai. specifically about the way the fandom portrays her as being so perfect? or like, only acknowledging the flaws that make her seem quirky or funny. and it really bugs me, honestly. especially when it comes to vilifying other characters in order to try to make her look better? i get it, i mean, people want hero characters to be all one sided and perfect, and if you don’t like other characters you want them to be completely terrible all the time —– but it’s just so irresponsible, and it bothers me idk idk idk :///////
i know you just finished And You Can Have This Heart to Break but im obsessed with it and if u ever feel like revisiting this world, a bellamy POV would be AMAZING
yeah I wasn’t really feeling done with this so whatev, yolo 21k of Bellamy POV
“So, Bellamy, fun fact, I’m actually friends with your ex-girlfriend.”
Bellamy had, up until that point, been enjoying talking to Monty. He seems perfect for Miller, nerdy and hot and both sarcastic and optimistic, which is a good match for Miller’s sarcastic pessimism.
So, it’s really a shame that he’s going to give Bellamy a heart attack.
“Yeah?” he asks, not looking up from his laptop. His voice is steady, but he’s afraid his face would give him away. He can feel Miller’s eyes burning on him, and this must be news to him too. He would have warned Bellamy, if he knew.
“Yeah. Clarke Griffin?” he adds, which is one of those clarifications that makes total sense, but is also completely unnecessary. Bellamy only has the one ex-girlfriend. “We’re in the same queer student group at GW. I invited her for New Year’s, but she wanted me to make sure it wouldn’t be weird if she came.”
Monty’s tone is light and easy, like he thinks Clarke is overreacting to the situation, and there’s no possible way that it could ever be weird. Part of Bellamy wants to press him on the point, on what exactly she said, because of course it would be weird, how could it not be weird, Bellamy’s entire life has gotten exponentially weirder in the single minute since Monty mentioned that he knew Clarke. But that’s stupid, because Clarke probably just said–
The truth would probably cover it. They were kids, they went out for a while, they loved each other and grew apart, like they had to, like he knew they would. It wasn’t anything apocalyptic or terrible, nothing even very remarkable. Plenty of people get their hearts broken when they’re kids, and Bellamy’s been telling himself for a long time that he’s over it, that the only thing keeping him from seriously dating was being enlisted, and once he was out of active service, he’d get his life together. And he’s even been doing fairly well with the first steps of that. He’s living with Miller in a pretty decent place, enrolled in a teaching certification program that will have him ready to go for the fall, and he’s even been flirting–a little, tentatively, just feeling it out–with the bartender at Miller’s favorite dive in the city. It’s only been two weeks, but he was feeling good about it.
And now, Clarke wants to make sure that New Year’s won’t be weird.
“Yeah,” he tells Monty. “That’s fine. If she wants to come, she’s welcome.”
“That’s what I figured,” he says. “Awesome. I wasn’t having any luck convincing her to come until she found out you guys were roommates, so thanks for helping me out.”
“Yeah, no problem. Happy to do it.”
The conversation definitely keeps going after that, and Bellamy even thinks that he contributes, somehow. He absolutely says words, he knows that. He replies to questions in a timely and appropriate manner, and definitely seems like a competent, normal person.
But Miller sends Monty home earlier than he’s pretty sure he was planning to, and then comes back into the living room with two beers, pushing one into Bellamy’s numb fingers.
He’d thought, sometimes, that Clarke might be in DC, but it felt stupid to actually consider it, to let any part of his brain dwell on the possibility. After all, she’d lived in DC in high school, and she never gave any indication of it being a place she wanted to live forever. She’d missed living in a city and hadn’t been happy to leave her friends, but he didn’t think she really cared about coming back here specifically. When he’d let himself wonder about her, he’d usually imagined her living in Cambridge still, or in Boston proper, probably married to Lexa, going to Harvard young alumni events and talking about how great it is to be rich.
He takes a long swallow of beer. “That was fine, right?” he asks. “I seemed really normal.”
this is a post expressing my doubt, please ignore if you are trying to remain positive (this isn’t to like sway anyone or convince anyone or make anyone agree with me, its not for anyone but myself, to clear my head) (because I know I won’t have the heart to post anything after.. if… u know)