7:39am on December 1st, 2016. Thursday
Banff National Park
I’m going to work. Demolition and shit 😁 one day this will be over. I’ll be traveling the world with my love, having great sex, exploring the most precious places this planet has to offer and do what I absolutely love full time without a single reason to do anything else.
Love. Financial freedom. Peace of mind. Abundance. Hugs. Writing. Yoga. Acro Yoga. Massages. Steam rooms. Education. Seminars. Mastermind alliance. Communion. And more divine sex.
Now I gotta go help someone build their dream 😆
November 30, 2016. Wednesday, Banff National Park (BIH)
I desire to work on my memory. Even though it’s better than before, I still neglect to remember things. Maybe because I’m basically never present in the moment. I remember many years ago my friend told me that when his mom asked him to do something, he would hear it but often forget to do it because he was thinking about other things while she was talking to him. Well I could relate. And I still relate. Unless I’m talking to a very beautiful woman, making love, or writing - my mind is on a trip.
I’m glad I’m a thinker and that I attract all sorts of ideas but a little more focus and clarity would certainly help. Even being present sometimes can do me good.
Today I’ve attended two yoga classes with Yasmin. We played on the yoga wheel and did Acro yoga together before the first class began. She’s fun and chill. And has an open mind. She told me a great story about California that involved a mansion, a hot tub, marijuana and nudity. She believes when one is open to possibilities - they show up at unexpected times and continuously. She has traveled more than most people I know and we even talked about going to shambala festival this summer and helping set up the festival before it begins in return for free tickets. What a great idea.
She has also been to burning man. I want to go this august because I’ve missed the last two years when I was sure I’d go and also because I want to feel absolute freedom for a whole week. Do naked yoga with beautiful girls, Acro yoga, open my mind with drugs and hug like 1000 people. I know it will change my life. I shall begin preparing for it now!!!
“If you start before you’re ready then by the time you’re ready you would have already started.”
Anddd I saw Jaz again. She’s this magical blonde Australian girl who has been traveling for the last 16 months and wants to begin working in Canada. Her life goal is to visit over 100 countries and spend quality time in each one of them. She just came from India ! I love this girl. She’s so cool. And since I have a thing for beautiful, positive blonde Australian girls - it definitely helps because she has all of those qualities.
No expectations whatsofuckingever☮️ just gonna continue spreading good vibes and the right people will stay and those who aren’t in vibrational alignment with me will disappear like magic. And those who are not yet here will keep coming into my reality.
I was gonna go to the third yoga class also but didn’t because positive people placement called me and asked if I would like to work tomorrow and the next 4 days here in Banff and I said yes and had to go pick up paperwork, a hard hat, safety glasses and ear protection.
I guess the work is gonna be a lot of fun! 😂 at least I’ll make it so. It’s my attitude that will determine whether I’m happy or miserable so I’ll choose happiness 🤘🏼
After yoga Yasmin made us lunch. It was so sweet of her. I didn’t wanna accept it because I don’t like when others do things for me but she insisted and it was probably the best thing I’ve eaten in Banff. She said she discovered her cooking passion while she was living in Australia. And she’s also so good with people. She doesn’t give a fuck. We met when she sat beside me and Jackie and we began talking and connected instantly. And attended a yoga class together a few hours after that, did Acro yoga too and just flowed well with no resistance or bad vibes at all. She’s a free soul and is so amazing at meeting people and making things happen. She’s from Israel.
Ah I have a massive dejavu right now. As if I’ve lived this very moment many times before.
This morning when I woke up to go to work, I was absolutely not feeling it at all. Something felt off. It wasn’t the work I was gonna do. It was just an internal voice communicating with me. Well since I signed up for it, I was gonna go. “It’s just at a dance studio” I told myself. Can’t be that bad. So I went to have complementary breakfast and met Duane. He also works for positive people placement and was telling me how he’s upset about not getting work in Banff and that they wanted to send him to Canmore so he didn’t accept the jobs. He said he talked to the universe about it and I said, “Duane, that’s amazing… do you want to work today? Because I accepted a gig at the Banff Centre in the dance studio and don’t feel like going. Why don’t you take it?”
He accepted it. I blessed him and he blessed me. How amazing is this universe.
So instead of working I happily wrote, had a philosophical conversation with a group of 5 people that were not together, but vibrated to the same place. I was asking them questions and they were answering for about 1.5 hours and then I went to yoga🙌🏻 and then wrote more in my diary. Saw Daphné. I didn’t even recognize her at first. She straightened her gorgeous hair and created a braid. I wanted to express how pretty she looks but our looks never met. And even if we looked at each other, like we did this morning, I wouldn’t say a single word and neither would she. We no longer exist in each others realities other than a casual glance and maybe a mutual smile. I wish it wasn’t like this but it’s okay. This is how it is and if I’m not gonna do anything about it then I’ll let it be as it is. She’s going to Quebec on the 4th of December. I hope to get another hug in before she leaves to feel her soul closely one more time. If it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. If it does then it does. I’ll be happy either way.
I also met another girl. We’ve talked once before when she was drunk so she was as open as it gets. Yesterday she wasn’t drunk but told me to give her the pan I just finished using in the kitchen.
I put it behind my back and asked her if her mother taught her how to ask nicely? With a smile on my face.
It was a mistake because maybe she didn’t have a mother growing up or maybe her mother never taught her how to be nice. But she’s a nice girl, that’s the only reason why I playfully did that. “I’m nice!” She said and took my dishes and wiped them. I hugged her and she liked it. And I did too. I could feel sexually attracted to her. It was more than a hug. It’s like we mentally made love. It rarely ever happens when I hug girls. I never have sexual intentions when I hug girls and I didn’t this time either. It just so happens that I felt sexually drawn to her after we were already holding each other. I think she did too because she commented something really sweet and with a smile walked away without even using the pan. She either forgot all about it or never even needed it. That made me feel like an asshole but girls seem to like assholes so that probably worked in my favour.
Teacher: Erin Evans
Location: Rocky Mountain Yoga, Banff National Park
After class Erin was teaching me how to do the side crow. It’s so empowering to do it with her because I had it totally wrong and now I’m nowhere near completing it. I need much more strength, persistence and time! And I’ll master it.
Before class we did acro yoga with Yasmin and played on the yoga wheel.
Flow is a beautiful class. It’s like a gorgeous dance where sweating is fun and when Erin said we are ready for our last pose - Savasana, I was surprised to find that it came so quickly. That’s the main determining factor for me to find out whether or not I love something.
Erin also fixed me shoulder stand. Something I’ve been doing for so many years in such a wrong way. I realized how much I was cheating myself habitually; thinking I’m doing it right.
November 29, 2016.
Location: Rocky Mountain Yoga, Banff National Park 🇨🇦🏔
Class: #7, Yin
I have a strong urge to begin teaching acro yoga. I have a vision of having an amazing, welcoming studio with the best yoga mats, most beautiful tapestry, sacred geometry, lights, surround system, happy vibes, yoga wheels, huge windows facing the mountains and constantly running classes, retreats and all sorts of wonderful workshops. Invite amazing souls from all over the world to yeah and to learn. A true One Yoga Family that will establish universal peace, take on the regeneration of the world and together we can evolve as spiritual beings who are becoming who they really are and guiding others home.
I still think about suicide every day but I’m not depressed. I’m mostly happy. The thoughts of suicide are habitual and they are surely diminishing. I’m so glad I didn’t take my life when I was desiring to leave. The clouds are disappearing and the sunshine is warming my soul. Help’s on the way.
Today’s class: I asked Marnie what she learned today and she said Patience. And told me of her two little boys. She’s so marvelous and sweet. I’m in love with her voice. I just hope she can keep talking while I’m in her class because I just can’t get enough of her gentleness. She awakens the gentleness within me.
Within 10 minutes into the class tears began rolling down my cheeks. I don’t know exactly what she said but I could feel what she was saying. It activated something in me. I began thinking how badly I had fucked up in my life with my addictions and bad habits that I keep coming back to no matter how many tomes I “quit.”
These habits are not who I am but they are evils that I don’t know how to let go of.
We were doing lots of hip opening exercises. By the end of the class something told me that it’s not too late. I still have a chance to be who I really am. And then in my mind’s eye I saw myself standing on a mountain’s edge and asked myself not to do it. I asked myself to not go there no matter what happens. felt tears rolling down my cheeks again.
The truth is I want to live but the challenges I’m facing seem fathomable. They appear to be mountains that reside on my shoulders and if I don’t keep carrying them then they will squish me and I’ll die a long and painful death. So suicide seems to be the answer even though I truly hope I still have a chance to make it all “right”. Almost nothing went as planned in my life. Expectations fucked me up. Something kept telling me that even though I’m so “messed up” and not where I thought I would be and that challenges are ahead of me, I can still live for others and help them and that will bring me peace and the universe will provide as long as I do.
But another truth is that my troubles are blessings compared to so many other people’s lives.
Man’s search for meaning, a book written by Victor Frankl, helped me see that. Even though I’m sill suicidal, I’m better as a result of reading that.
Tags darauf begannen wir unsere erste Acro Yoga Lektion bei
Ihnen, welche richtig Spass gemacht hat, was mit so lustigen Instruktoren auf
der Hand liegt. Thea und ich nahmen uns (bis auf einen Tag, da es wieder einmal
regnerisch war) jeden Tag Zeit um ein wenig Acro Yoga zu machen. Jetzt muss ich
Dustin nur noch dazu anspornen, dass wir das regelmässig wiederholen um unsere
Künste zu verbessern;-) Übung macht den Meister ;-)
“A sea of whiskey couldn’t intoxicate me as much as a drop of you” ❤️
November 23, 2016 / Banff Nat. Park
2. Lululemon interview
Yesterday during yin yoga I left my body and went on a trip with my imagination. Total spacelessness and timelessness. And I love the teachers voice so it helped me relax deeply.
I’m going to her class that starts in less than two hours. Marnie. Wonderful soul.
This morning I saw Daphné at ~ 7:30AM. She’s one of the most beautiful things in existence I’ve ever looked at. I thought of her upon waking up and saw her within an hour.
I wonder if what I feel when she’s bear is me causing myself to feel that way or is it her own energy that makes me feel the feeling in my chest.
Then I went to the Lululemon group interview 🕉
15 people showed up and only three will be hired.
They asked questions such as,
1. What’s a dream you have and what thrills you about it?
2. If you were an animal, what would you bé and why?
3. If you had a billion dollars, what would you do?
4. When did your power express itself through someone else? (Not the exact question)
And we chose a product in the store and went around the circle explaining why we are so excited about this product.
Everyone was so wonderful. I wish we all got hired ❤️it felt like such a loving “tribe”
Everyone had something positive to share.
Whoever gets hired will fit in perfectly with the crew that already exists and they seem like a dream team. I believe it’s all going to work out as perfectly as it can.
And today we are getting together for acro yoga with our team here. I hope we grow a community and have a full time thing going. And the letters on the photo are letters someone had found in the wall while doing demolition. And they asked me to read them. That’s unreal.
She looks like her name is Paula and she packs her son the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for soccer practice even though he always sits on the sideline. Also she goes to an acro-yoga class on Thursday’s and Zumba on Friday’s and she only eats things that are gluten free, dairy free, soy free, fat free, sugar free, peanut free, organic and vegan in order to maintain her healthy summer bod. She owns a blog where she talks about fitness, nail art, feminism and vegan recipes. Her son is allergic to tree nuts and pomegranates but that doesn’t stop him from being the best goalie on the team. She wears sun screen to the movies and she claims that she’s a very good Christian mother but she only attends church on Christmas and Easter. Her husband, Steve, is a car salesman and the love of her life. They met outside of Bed Bath and Beyond™ during the spring of ‘89 and it was love at first sight. She was taking her pure bread, award winning, Great Dane for a stroll and she accidentally dropped her coupon book and he picked it up for her. Then they went home together and had coffee but they didn’t do anything naughty because she waited until marriage and they got married and had a Disney themed wedding and than had their beautiful baby boy, Thomas, who is the best goalie on the team. She has big dreams for her family. Although right now she needs to renew her membership card for PlanetFitness™ because she needs to work out so she can fit into that dress she bought for Cheryl’s baby shower. But all is well for our favorite mom on the block, Paula.
Today was filled with SO MUCH awesomeness!
Yoga & Live Music courtesy of @elevated.awareness & @dtomusic
Post-savasana smoothies courtesy of @eveencinitas!
Acro yoga with the amazing Stephen Cummings & Gina Shiotani combo.
Garden tower information on growing your own herbs by @plantpoweredliving!
“Raising the vibrations of the planet through art and music.” ~ @BuddhaMusicGroup ♫ ♪🌍🎨 (at EVE Encinitas)
“"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” –Melody Beattie
@susievanessayoga #yoga #acro #play #fun #flow #strength #balance #acro #acroyoga #costarica #costaricayoga #costarica #yogi #satya (at Montezuma Beach, Costa Rica)