It’s been three months since I fucked up. Ninety two damn days without seeing her smile, without hearing her voice, without her words. I haven’t been the same. How can I be that little girl’s dad? No wonder she doesn’t want her around me. I can’t stay like this much longer. Steph won’t answer the phone, Y/N, sure as hell won’t answer it. I don’t even think she’s still staying with Sooyoung. I haven’t heard a thing from any of them.
I sit in the studio day in and day out, trying to keep my cool but it never works. I always end up crying myself to sleep because I miss her so much. The picture in my office of us wasn’t helping me out at all. I was in my office sitting in my chair, more memories floated through my mind.
“What the hell!”
“You could have killed Sunghwa! What the fuck is your problem?! Stop being so fucking jealous of Sunghwa!”
“How can I not?! Every time I see you, you’re with some other guy. You think I didn’t see you with Wooyoung?! Who the hell do you want?! Is it Wooyoung or Sunghwa?!’”
“…Do you know how much it hurts me to see you with another man? I can’t stand it. It’s killing me. I just feel like I’m fucking up so much. I can’t lose you a second time.”
“I’m not with Wooyoung nor am I with Sunghwa. I’m with no one. Leave Sunghwa alone. Do it for me. Okay?”
“I can’t when I still love you.”
“Why the hell are you protecting him?! Move Y/N!”
“No! I’m not letting you hurt your friend over me, Jay!”
I can’t just sit around anymore and wait for something to happen. I have to do something or nothing will chance.
“WHAT?! YOU CAN’T! Y/N! I know you’re upset with everything, but you can’t!” Steph shouted. “You can’t stop me!”
I’m leaving Korea. I came to the decision last night. I can’t stay here anymore. Not that he knows. I don’t plan on ever coming back. It’s just too much trouble right now. Stephanie was trying to guilt trip me into staying. She wants Jay to accept that he’s a father and try to be be Seulgi’s dad. But I refuse to let him. I’m protecting the both of them this way. I’m saving Jay’s career by not pushing him into Seulgi’s life. And I’m protecting Seulgi by not letting her see what her dad father does for a living. And Steph doesn’t understand that.
“What about Jay? Don’t you think he deserves to be in her life?! He’s her father!”
“Don’t you think if he wasn’t some asshole with girls always hanging off his shoulder I would let him be her father?!” I screamed back. Steph only stared at with. She could see the hurt in my eyes.
“You still love him, don’t you?”
I couldn’t answer. I was too riled up. I walked into my room and slammed the door shut. I slid down the door and tried to control the tears that were now falling.
Mommy slammed the room door. She must be really upset. I was watching from the kitchen. Girls? Aunt Steph groaned and ran into her room. I looked on the counter and saw Mommy’s phone. I climbed on the chair and grabbed it. I typed in the password which was my birthday. April 25. 04/25/09. I went to contact and searched for my father’s name. Park Jaebeom. Why can’t my last name be Park. Park Seulgi. I like it. Does Mommy not like that? What happened between them?
I found it and sent a text message. “Meet me at the park by Sooyoung’s apartment. I need to talk to you.” I tried my best to sound like Mommy. I think I nailed it. I grabbd my backpack and rushed out the door, shutting the door quietly so Mommy and Aunt Steph can’t hear it. I ran for the park.
Once I got there, I sat on the bench holding Mommy’s phone. I watched a little girl and her parents on the swing set. The little girl and her mother were on the swings. The dad was pushing the both of them. The mother’s smile was very bright. The little girl’s laughter was heard all around the park. I saw a familiar car pull up. It was his car! He got out and looked around. We made eye contact and his eyes widened. He ran over to me. “Seulgi! What are you doing here by yourself?! Where’s your mother?”
“I sent the text.” I admitted jumping off the bench. I hug him tightly. “Daddy.”
I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do. How did she get her mother’s phone. There’s no way in hell she knows that Seulgi is in this park alone. She’ll kill me. “Seulgi, we need to get you home-” “No! I want spend time with, Daddy.” She squeezed tighter around my thighs. I squatted to her level. “Do you mean that? I don’t want you to be in trouble.” “I don’t want to believe what Mommy says about you. Spend time with me to prove her wrong.”
What does she say about me to? Is it all bad? I picked Seulgi up and put her on my waist. “You’re very heavy!” I joked kissing her cheek. Her laughed holding on to me tightly. Her laughter brought a smile to my face. Is this what it’s like to be a father. “How about we go get some ice cream?” She nodded her head and put it on my shoulder. I wrapped her legs around my waist to make she didn’t fall. We made our way to the a nearby ice cream parlor. I got us both a cone and we sat in one of the booths.
“Well, Seulgi. Is there anything you want to know or?” She nodded and pulled out a locket. Y/N’s locket that I got her for one of her birthdays. I remember that. She promised she’d wear it forever. Seulgi opened it and revealed the picture inside. “Did you give Mommy this?” “I did. She promised me she’d wear it forever. I’m just glad she kept it.” Tears were forming at the thought of the memory. Seulgi got out and sat next to me. She wrapped her little arms around me and pulled me into a hug. “Don’t cry, Daddy. Mommy and I still love you very much.” I couldn’t tell if that true or not, but I decided to just believe it. “Appa, can I see you work?”
“You wanna see me work?” She nodded and let go of me. “Okay. Finish your ice cream and maybe you can.” I watched her try to it her ice cream fast. “Slow! I don’t want you to get a brain freeze!”
Gosh, I’ve only been her actual parent for about 20 minutes and I sound as if I’ve been there her whole life. She obeyed and slowed down. Is this what it’s like being a parent? “Daddy! I’m finish!” “Great. Now go throw your trash away. And we’ll head to the studio.” She jumped out of her seat and threw away all of the trash. She must be really excited about going to the studio. No one I know has ever been excited to go to studio that doesn’t work there. I paid for the ice cream, grabbed Seulgi’s hand and walked out the parlor to the studio.
I sighed and unlocked the door. I looked around the living room. It seemed pretty quiet. Too quiet. “Steph! Where’s Seulgi?” “I thought she was with you!” She yelled through her bedroom door. “I thought she was with you. Wait! Where’s her backpack? Where’s my phone?” The door was unlocked. But it was locked earlier. Oh no! No no no! I grabbed my hoodie, slipped it on quickly and rushed outside. I ran down the sidewalk screaming her name. “SEULGI! SEULGI! SEULGI! SEULGI! Mommy’s sorry! SEULGI! SEULGI! Please come home! SEULGI!” As I screamed, tears were forming. I’ve never lost her before. It’s my biggest fear, just like it was my mom’s biggest fear to lose any of her children. Damn it! I’m such a failure! Maybe she’s at Sooyoung’s. I ran to her apartment and asked her if she saw her. She said no. I ran to the park nearby and she wasn’t there either. I began asking around, luckily I had a picture of her in the pocket of my hoodie.
We walked hand in hand into the studio. “Yo! It’s Jay!” I heard Joon Kyung’s voice. I looked up and saw some of my closest friends walking up toward me. Seulgi let go of my hand and hid behind my legs. “Who’s the kid?” Sik K asked. I smiled and looked down to see Seulgi tensed up, holding my legs. “Guys! This is my daughter, Seulgi.” I said proud. “Daughter?!” They all repeated. “JAY YOU HAVE A KID?!”
I nodded. “Seulgi-ah, they don’t bite.” I reassured her. “You promised, Daddy?” “Daddy promises sweetie.” She let go of my leg and moved to left to let everyone see her. “Be nice or I’ll kill you all!”
Finished! How was it? Did you enjoy it? Here’s the next chapter. Thanks for reading. Admin Kai and Admin June
In that studio live video with Junhyung I am literally dead after watching. He's so 🔥🔥🔥🔥 the whole time until the very end when he says thank you and turns right back into the softest bun 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE IS UNREAL