yo mate

Chapter Fourteen: Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback 24/06/17

If you want to participate in #hogwartsreread the rules can be found here. Here’s my thoughts on the chapter:

  • I feel like I need hermione in my life to keep me motivated girl is so dedicated
  • Goddammit Ron blurting out secrets in the middle of the library people can hear you y’know
  • I love the fact that Ron can just spurt out facts like ‘Dragon breeding was outlawed by the warlocks convention of 1709’. See Ron you are smart and you could be good at History of Magic if you just gave a shit
  • Damn some Slytherin moves from Hermione there that was some skilful manipulation
  • 'Hagrid you live in a wooden house’ hahahahaha
  • I love Charlie so much he’s just like ‘yo mates my eleven year old brother needs to smuggle an illegal dragon out of the country who’s down?’
  • “Hermione did a sort of jig” why is this so hilarious to imagine
  • What idiots leaving the cloak at the top of the tower you don’t deserve an invisibility cloak if you’re going to pull that kind of crap
being multilingual like...

What people think it’s like:

  • *speaks multiple languages fluently on command*
  • *is very sophisticated*

What it’s actually like:

  • constantly speaking to people in the wrong language
  • managing to squeeze 3 or 4 languages into one sentence without noticing
  • gradually forgetting your first and second language, while not speaking anything fluently anymore. not even your first language is safe
  • Grammar? What grammar? Which grammar??!!
  • being permanently confused
  • can’t even order bread at a Danish bakery after 2 years of language training
  • cry and curse yourself for moving somewhere where they don’t speak English or your first language. but mostly cry. and weep

yo my mate passed this down to me so im gonna be a lad and pass it out to all you fellas out there tryna pass more, coconut oil is liquid gold. you get it in a solid block and put it in warm water to melt it in the jar, but you get the idea. and its super cheap. you can get it for £3 in superdrug and boots in the uk. rub it on your face and leave it overnight and it does wonders for facial hair growth for pre t dudes, ive only used it twice now but i’m already getting a tiny moustache. its lit.

Just Friends? || Dan Howell

A/N: Look! It’s a new dan imagine.Things get kinda hot at the end of this one so I warned you. 

Word Count: 1.3K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART TWO // PART THREE

Originally posted by leftfringe

Without me noticing it my head sunk down onto Dan’s chest. My eyes had fallen shut half way through the movie. I had fallen asleep not only in my friend’s flat but basically on top of him. Dan didn’t seem to care and drifted off to sleep not much later.

I started going to university half a year ago in a city that was completely different from my home town. It wasn’t easy to make myself a home here and manage all of the new challenges that I had to face. I had a little dorm room for myself and I got homesick and lonely from time to time.

Dan on the other hand had started uni 3 years ago. He already knew how things worked and he shared a nice flat with his best friend Phil. Dan was a friend of my elder brother and we had gotten on well before I moved here. Now that I was all alone in this big city and needed company I found myself hanging out with Dan a lot.

During my first few weeks here he showed me around and took me to his favourite restaurants. Now I was almost always welcome to hang out at his flat.

Today was one of those days. I felt lonely watching TV all by myself in my dorm room and half an hour later me and him were watching a movie on his couch.

I woke up as soon as the light that shone through the curtainless windows became too bright to ignore. The first thing I saw was a black shirt that I had nuzzled my head into. The first thing I smelled was Dan’s cologne. The first thing I noticed was Dan’s hand that was resting on my hip and almost on my bum. He must have slung his arm around me in his sleep.

I tried freeing myself from his grip without waking him up but his eyes shot open as soon as I started moving.

“Sorry.”  I awkwardly laughed and grinned at Dan’s terrible bed hair.

“I shouldn’t sleep till noon everyday anyway.” He told me, shrugging his shoulders.

He was chuckling at my morning voice but then the smile on his face vanished. His eyes grew wide instead as they landed on where his hand was resting on my hip. Dan quickly removed his arm. We had “friend zoned” each other the time we first met. Cuddling on the sofa was definitely something that could cross our friendship boundaries.

For a second we just looked at each other.

Neither of us said something.

“Ah, the cuddle buddies are finally up!” Phil suddenly exclaimed as he entered the living room.

“Shut up.” Dan and I groaned at the same time. I grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at him.

“Hey! I’m just telling the truth, Y/N.” Phil grinned while he defensively raised his hands.

“We didn’t even cuddle.” I told him, rolling my eyes.

“Sure, why don’t you check your phones and see for yourselves?”

I quickly glanced at Dan. He seemed to be as confused as me. I was expecting the worst as I unlocked my phone. 50+ messages in my group chat with Dan, Phil, my brother and some of their other friends that I had all met before.

Phil had the audacity to take a picture of us and post it in the group chat.

‘when were you gonna tell us, ;) ?’

‘Dan is getting some’

‘you are after my sister, dude!?’

‘just watching a movie huh?’

‘YO MATE Netflix and chill, imma right?’

I sighed as I read all of the boy’s texts. My brother being one of them. How embarrassing was that?

“How can you live with such a dumbass?” I asked Dan, pointing at his flatmate and best friend. My voice was loud enough for Phil to hear it on purpose.

“It’s all your fault. You were the one who used Dan as a pillow. And Dan literally hugged you tighter than his favourite teddy bear.” Phil chirped teasingly.

I could feel my cheeks heat up. “We’re just friends!” Dan and I shouted at Phil, who knowingly smirked.

After we ate some breakfast together I took the bus back to my dorm. I took my phone out of the pocket of my jeans in order to pass the time. I checked if I got any new messages and remembered the group chat and all of the boy’s texts.

‘You can stop printing your Dan and Y/N shipper shirts! Just friends!’ I typed.

After I sent my witty comment I scrolled up and stumbled over the picture of Dan and I cuddling. My head was nuzzled into his chest and he had his arms wrapped tightly around me. One of my thighs was put onto his. We did look like a cliché ‘relationship goals’ picture.

My heart sank as I caught myself smiling at the photo. I swallowed hard and quickly turned my phone off, leaving me staring at the black screen. ‘just friends, Y/N’ I whispered to myself.


After our cuddle session, nothing extraordinary happed between me and Dan for a while. I just visited him and we hung out together from time to time.

“CHUG IT!”

“No way, Dan.”

“C’MON just this one!”

“OH MY GOD, I CHUGGED IT”

It was a Friday night, Dan and I had just passed a few important exams and we were out to celebrate all evening with a few friends of ours. The two of us had just returned to Dan’s flat and he realised that he still had some left- over vodka. Although we already had a few drinks at the bar he somehow convinced me to drink the shot he had put into my hand.

30 minutes later half of the bottle was empty.

“Ooops” I giggled while I sunk down on the couch next to Dan and put my head onto his shoulder.  

Dan stared down at me, his deep brown eyes were hypnotising. I swallowed hard as I realized how close we were. I noticed how his eyes wandered down to my lips and stayed there.

Dan’s hot breath on my skin made my inside tingle. The desire to kiss him washed over me like a wave and there was nothing else I could think about. My skin started to glow as the unbearable urge to kiss him was just too much.

We quickly closed the gap between us as his lips crashed down on mine. His hands were back on my hips once again as he pulled me closer to him.

‘Oh my god’ I moaned in my head as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself onto his lap.

I could feel his hands eagerly grab my bum as he leaned back into the pillow of the couch we were sitting on, with me still on top of him.

We broke our hungry kiss to catch our breaths.

“Holy shit, Dan!” I screamed as I realized what had just happened.

We unbelievingly stared at each other with wide eyes.

“Dan we’re drunk.” I whispered.

“We really shouldn’t do this.” Dan gulped.

We were both breathing heavily and I was still on his lap. I breathed in his scent and as I felt his hands on my bum the desire to be as close to him as possible returned.

We glanced at each other intensely before his lips were suddenly back on mine. I buried my fingers in his brown hair, making him moan. His tongue brushed my bottom lip, asking for entrance that I gladly granted him.

We were eagerly making out on his couch, ‘just friends’ was totally forgotten by now. I could feel his hard-on poke the bottom of my thigh and I moaned as I realized how turned on he was by me.

His huge hands started to explore my body, making me gasp as they wandered underneath my shirt and unclasped my bra…

¡Fui yo!

He aprendido a estar sola, a quedarme sin nadie, a ser primero yo; a algunas personas me las arrebato la vida, a otras fui yo quien las alejó; unas murieron solas y otras fui yo quien las mató; ésta es mi confesión:
“Maté a algunos que dijeron amarme, pero me rompieron el corazón, no se conformaron con herirme, me torturaron hasta perder la razón, mutilaron mis ilusiones, exprimieron mi corazón, me cortaron algunos sueños, ahogaron mi amor, se rieron de mis poemas y con ello robaron mi inspiración, eso fue lo peor que hicieron, ladrones de letras, ladrones de amor.
Hubo uno que me dijo: te amo, no lo olvides y fue él quien lo olvido.
Yo no quise hacerles daño, pero eran ellos o yo, quise antes demandarlos, pero la demanda no procedió, dijeron que esos actos no eran delito, alegué a gritos: ¡pero mataron mi corazón!; nadie me oyó.
Entonces llegue a mi casa y dije: ¡se acabó!; borré sus números, tire sus cartas, olvide sus palabras de amor, cosí mis heridas, las desinfecte con alcohol y jamás volví a mencionar sus nombres, los maté con mi olvido, en defensa propia, porque no merecían nada, ni mi recuerdo, ni los poemas, ni mi dolor, ni hablar de merecer amor.
Los maté, fui yo, acepto mi culpa, soy culpable, los mate yo, pero antes déjenme decirles que los amé, a todos los amé, que mi olvido fue el único castigo que encontré, jamás podría dañar a alguien que en algún momento me hizo latir el corazón, espero eso me absuelva de toda culpa; ¡si los maté!, ¡fui yo!”.


Sofía Mendoza

Me Reacting to Hot High Lords during the Roasting Conference

Autumn Court: Literally firepricks

Dawn Court: Hot Gay couple (Love them so adorbs)

Summer Court: Hot Season and Hot People

Day Court: Hot Bi Daddy (fuUCK IM DEAD)

Night Court: RHYSAND (Enough said.)

Spring Court: The Hothead (Stay classy, Tamtam.)

Winter Court: Cold but HOT (& his fiery mate yo)

High Lady Feyre was like: Azriel, calm down about Eris—Wait Beron insulted Rhys. IM GONNA LIGHT THIS SHIT UP STARTING WITH HIM

Originally posted by yungputa22

irrevocably-delicious  asked:

For fanfic trope? Yo.... yo... gimme soul mate au. It's so cliche (i.e. I fucking love it).

fuck ha ha i know you like the free bois so……..rinrei?

Rei hates the soulmate business. Its really not beautiful. The fact that you age until you are 18 and then stop, and then age normally after you find your soulmate is stupid and incomprehensible. Like HELLO? How do you decipher whether you aged or not? After 18, the results wont show immediately so you gotta wait a few months to see if you have changes in your appearances or your height or build etc etc and it frankly boggles him. And by that time, how would you know who exactly??? is your soulmate??? It could have been anybody by then??? The exact pinpointing factor doesn’t exist and it makes him so confused that he tries to avoid the topic at all times. Lest he rants too much and gets nick named as the guy who didn’t believe in soulmates. Its as confusing as swimming to him. Only Nagisa has been privy to his rants.

Until of course, swimming happens. And more so when Haru turns 18. 

“Makoto-senpai? Is your shoulder width increasing?”

“Ha ha, really?”Makoto shrugs, beaming a smile outshining the fucking sun.”I didn’t notice it.”

No one is surprised when Makoto and Haru age normally. When they move about their life in Tokyo after college in that weirdly we-were-already-kinda-soulmates-from-birth-so-we-dont-particularly-care way. 

Its something beautiful and makes him yearn for it. 

He starts pursuing it. Dual major in Medicine and Soulmate Studies. He gets a chance to move to Australia for his final year, and continue his PhD there which he takes. And whereupon he contacts the one person he knows who lives there.

“Rin-san, I am……how do I say this? But can I …..move in with you?” He holds up his hands, palms forward, flushing. “Ahh, but only for a while! I promise! I will move as soon as i get-”

“Rei, come on man. You can move in ha ha.” Rin gives his trademark toothy smile. “Just shoot me a text when you take the flight.”

So they settle. Friends because of a healthy rivalry become roommates who……surprisingly blend very well. Rin who doesn’t get along much with other people, suffering his life with Ai’s messiness, Haru’s dazed and one mind thinking, Sousuke who steals his bed and cola just to piss him off, gets along swimmingly with Rei.

The guy keeps his things neat and precise, works hard at what he wants, and most of all has classical music taste. Sure there is a few terrible pop rock and hard metal thrown in there but Mozart hits the right notes after a gruelling workout. Food is terrible though and Rei’s “I am fabulous and I know it” fashion sense is actually pretty cheesy and laughable. But meh he loves it. 

They go out to a few places which Australia has to offer and search for food spots and play with Winnie from time to time. Russel and Lori love Rei a bit too much in his opinion.

All in all, he likes hanging around with Rei more than he ever thought he would. He could probably live with Rei forever and wouldn't think twice about it.  

“What are you doing? It’s saturday night.”

“I am looking at some old photographs.” Rei’s face is screwed up in concentration before he looks up. “Don’t you have training?”

Rin scratches his cheek. “Yeah…..it got canceled. Its a fucking holiday this weekend and the pool isn’t open so I am staying put inside.” He sits beside Rei and picks up one of the pictures. “Why? Whats this all about?”

Rei furrows his eyebrows and looks down at the table, strewn with pictures from his childhood. “Its…..confusing.” He mutters. More to himself. 

Rin pokes through a few of them. Rei looks adorable in this one. No better in this one. No even better in this one. He smiles easy looking through all of them, kinda wishing he was there to see it all. Rei was so cuteHe is always cute, even when he had ketchup on his nose and a soggy burger in his hand. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a little alarm bell rings.  

Then he stumbles on some pictures where he is there. Standing next to Makoto, arguing with Haru or putting an arm around Rei and teasing him or having a glaring showdown with Sousuke. There is even one when he had his 18th birthday party. He is sitting on his bed, down with cold and all his friends around him. Cake on his bed and popping confetti in the background. He is glaring at the camera, prissy about being sick. He chuckles.

Rei starts. “What is it?” 

“Oh nothing. Wow we have changed huh? All grown and gone separate ways…”

“Rin-san.” There is terseness in that voice that Rin notices. “We have changed.”

“Yeah thats what I sai-”

“No no.” Rei points to the photos he had in his hands. One from the birthday party and the other taken last weekend when they both had gone to the zoo. Rin and Rei have their arms around each other’s shoulders and taking the selfie wonkily. Rin notices how happy they both are, and how close. He hadn’t noticed that before. The alarm in his head is banging a little louder now. Nearly drowning out Rei’s voice. “We have changed. You and me.”

Mildly NSFW Headcanon

Timon doesn’t understand innuendos or suggestive metaphors because he’s from the wild. 

Simple allegories like “Good in bed.” and bed’s association with sex are completely alien to him.

This is not to be confused with him being innocent of sex.

Just basically, anything suggestive will just fly over his head unless you straight up say “Lets have sex.”

anonymous asked:

what do u like abt metaphysical poetry so much? like y it yo fave mate

i’ve no clue but i sang at the round earth’s imagined corners in honour men’s choir last year and i loved it and then looked up more stuff by mainly john donne and andrew marvell

“Why don’t we watch the sun come up and figure out what we’re going to do with all this time, eh Lazuli?”

“Sorry I interrogated you. You were just full of such useful information. That’s a sincere compliment.”

“H-2-Oh my GOSH!”…“It’s a gift for you!  You know, ‘cause water’s your thing.”

“See, the ribbon is even blue.  I got yo’ number!”


💙 💚 Barn Mates 💚 💙

Peridot, you little flirt!  She wasn’t even subtle about it in this episode. 

Making the suggestion of watching the sun rise together is an obvious old romantic cliche.  She also tries “complimenting” Lapis, as well as using a couple of very cheesy lines and presenting her with gifts.