yet-here-i-am

Motherloving Legolas the Norwegian Forest Cat, based off of these guys. Thought he kinda fit.

what am I doing with my life

i know i shouldn’t be envious-

the thought of him 
dating her again sent a 
chill through my spine,
a rush into my heart,
and put tears in the corners
of my eyes.
it’s not really that i could
see myself with him again
(though i know i’ve dreamt
of it thousands of times before)
i just don’t want it to
be her.
it’s almost like i love her
as much as i once loved him.
something about her
beautiful smile
or exuding confidence
or simple because
she is a far better person than
i will ever be.
i know this as fact,
it’s not some self-deprecating 
bullshit.
she has such a pure heart
and good intentions
and not an ounce of hate 
within her.
i don’t have those things,
they were crushed long ago
and in part,
they were crushed by him.
i know so.
i lost all belief in magic
when i realized how 
cruel people could be.
i have plenty of love to give
but i am selfish
and want it all for myself.
i have a darkness deep 
inside
that will never go away.
i could probably let it go
if i saw them together again
but i would probably hate
myself even more
if i knew that when 
we spoke 
who he really wished he
was next to 
was her.