the thought of him dating her again sent a chill through my spine, a rush into my heart, and put tears in the corners of my eyes. it’s not really that i could see myself with him again (though i know i’ve dreamt of it thousands of times before) i just don’t want it to be her. it’s almost like i love her as much as i once loved him. something about her beautiful smile or exuding confidence or simple because she is a far better person than i will ever be. i know this as fact, it’s not some self-deprecating bullshit. she has such a pure heart and good intentions and not an ounce of hate within her. i don’t have those things, they were crushed long ago and in part, they were crushed by him. i know so. i lost all belief in magic when i realized how cruel people could be. i have plenty of love to give but i am selfish and want it all for myself. i have a darkness deep inside that will never go away. i could probably let it go if i saw them together again but i would probably hate myself even more if i knew that when we spoke who he really wished he was next to was her.