yes-legolas

Legolas: Dad?

Thranduil: Yes, son? 

Legolas: Are you feeling okay?

Thranduil: How do you mean?

Legolas: You’re being nice.

Thranduil: I’m always nice.

Legolas: Since when?

Thranduil: Legolas, I am the King of Mirkwood. I am always nice. I dress nice. I look nice. My hair is nice. I have a nice throne. I have nice servants. This is a nice cave. It has nice lighting. I have a nice son–when he’s not annoying me. How more nice can I be?

Legolas: You threw a company of dwarves in a dungeon over a dinner party.

Thranduil: I did it nicely.

3

Okay, so I had this dream a couple of nights ago that was basically Lord of the Rings, but all of the horses were replaced with motorcycles.  It was pretty great because it was just pretty much exactly like the films, but with everyone riding around like crazy bike gangs. And everyone had bikes that were unique to their characters. 

Well, like it says on the ring,  “One hog to rule the roads.”

2

‘Riders!’ cried Aragorn, springing to his feet. 'Many riders on swift steeds are coming towards us!’
'Yes,’ said Legolas, 'there are one hundred and five. Yellow is their hair, and bright are their spears. Their leader is very tall.’
Aragorn smiled. 'Keen are the eyes of the Elves,’ he said.

king and queen of the woodland realm

How Gimli really got to go the Undying Lands
  • Thranduil: ok Legolas everything is set are you ready to go?
  • Legolas: Yes. Are you ready Gimli?
  • Gimli: -nods-
  • -He and Legolas join hands-
  • Thranduil: um. Legolas. This is awkward as fuck but you know Gimli can't come, right?
  • Legolas: -stone cold glare- I'm sorry what.
  • Thranduil: Here we fucking go...You know the rules son, he-
  • Legolas: -throws bag to ground- MY PLACE IS WITH GIMLI. IF THERE IS NO PLACE FOR GIMLI THERE IS NO PLACE FOR LEGOLAS.
  • Thranduil: Legolas we talked about this, you-
  • Legolas: GIMLI IS GOING TOO
  • Thranduil: The rules say that-
  • Legolas: THE RULES ARE STUPID. CHANGE THEM ADA
  • Thranduil: Legolas! I can't just-
  • Legolas: CHANGE THE RULES OR IM STAYING HERE
  • Thranduil: oh for fucks sake...
  • -Thranduil goes on a long perilous journey across the sea and appeals to Manwë and the other Valar-
  • Thranduil: Yeah hi there, I'm King Thranduil, you might remember me from the shit life you have dealt me...um anyway, so I'm here to ask that Gimli the Dwarf be allowed to come to Valinor.
  • Manwë: but why would you, Thranduil Oropherion speak of such for one of the Naugrim. You have no great love for their kind.
  • Thranduil: Tell me about it I...ah, it's not me. It's my son, Legolas. He...he...Damn, I'm not drunk enough for this...HE FELL IN LOVE WITH GIMLI OK. And now the only way he will agree to sail is if freakin Gimli can come with him. He's so damn stubborn, I don't know WHERE he gets that from GOSH.
  • Manwë: um
  • Thranduil:
  • Manwë: you mean 'in love' like Beren and Luthien 'in love'
  • Thranduil: fucking yes.
  • Manwë: woo. Oh boy. Ah. I'm sorry. I see your concern but never before has one of dwarvish kind set foot upon these shores
  • Thranduil: yeah and trust me I wouldn't want them here either but...Legolas. As much of a pain in the ass that little shit can be, I do love him. And like, it would only be ONE dwarf.
  • Manwë: hm, this COULD eternally amend the blood feud between the two races and pass into legend as a shining example of love and my kindness that I could bestow upon them. Give them my blessing, have a few or 15,000 ballads written about it. Good for PR you know.
  • Thranduil: yeah...so?
  • Manwë: it is decided. Your son may bring the dwarf.
  • -Thranduil returns to Middle Earth after a terrible journey back across the sea-
  • Legolas: So can he come? Did you get permission for Gimli to sail?
  • Thranduil: oh hello son, nice to see you again too. Yes the journey was terrible thank you for asking. That stupid steward of mine was sea sick all over my favorite robe, there were orcs on the way back through the forest, and I ran out of Lembas and-
  • Legolas: can Gimli come?
  • Thranduil:
  • Legolas:
  • Thranduil:
  • Legolas: can Gimli-
  • Thranduil: FUCKING HELL YES. IT CAN COME WITH US.
  • Legolas: GIMLI DID YOU HEAR THAT MY LOVE
  • -Gimli and Legolas passionately kiss-
  • Thranduil:
  • -still kissing-
  • Thranduil: -reaches for glass of wine-
  • Thranduil:
  • Thranduil: -throws glass to floor and grabs the bottle-
  • Thranduil: -chugs wine-
  • Thranduil: an eternity of this...fuck my actual life.