yes this is true cause what i do no one can do it better

Drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

The thing that is getting to me the most about news of Carrie Fisher’s autopsy report is not the results themselves, but the way the media is handling it. Like it’s a Gotcha moment—like somehow we were tricked into thinking she was a better person than she actually was.

And that is profoundly bullshit.

Carrie was open about being an addict. Her opening line from her iconic stand up show (and book by the same name) “Wishful Drinking” was quite literally, “Hi, I’m Carrie Fisher, and I’m an alcoholic.”

She talked at length and in often brutal depth about her problems with substance abuse, her compulsive self destructive tendencies, and her dependencies to both illegal and prescription drugs. She wrote about it in her books, she talked about it on talk shows. She made an entire comedic stand up performance out of it, detailing the lengths she went to in order to try and regain some semblance of safety and normalcy in her life. 

She was brutally honest that every single day was a struggle for sanity after years and years of attempting to self medicate a mental illness that for most of her life was mistaken for feckless lack of self control. 

You know how they way “Religion is the opiate of the masses?” Well I took masses of opiates religiously! -Wishful Drinking

She was bright, and beautiful and bold about it. And she didn’t have to be.

Carrie Fisher didn’t have to stand there and take the shitstorm of criticism people launched at her for decades, let alone turn it into humor. She didn’t. She didn’t owe anyone outwith her immediate family an explanation for her erratic behavior over the years, nor the flack she caught for it. (Think of all the male actors in Hollywood who are in and out of rehab centers so quickly they could harness the revolving doors as a wind turbine. Then tell me the media press about her life and now her death are fair.)

But she did it anyway, because she knew it was important. And she took those bright lights of Hollywood shining down on her like a ruthless, malevolent child holding a magnifying glass under the sun—and she turned that merciless heat and pointed it at things that mattered, often at the expense of herself, opening herself up to ridicule and the severe cruelty of others who lambasted her for everything, ranging from her weight, her mental illness or her audacity to simply grow old.

Is it tragic that her addiction likely cost her her life? Yes, of course it is. Does it invalidate any of her achievements? The strength and vibrancy with which she lived her life and touched the lives of millions around her for the better? 

“I call people sometimes hoping not only that they’ll verify the fact that I’m alive but that they’ll also, however indirectly, convince me that being alive is an appropriate state for me to be in. Because sometimes I don’t think it’s such a bright idea. Is it worth the trouble it takes trying to live life so that someday you get something worthwhile out of it, instead of it almost always taking worthwhile things out of you?” 

-The Princess Diarist

Carrie Fisher mattered, her voice mattered. The things that she said and did, mattered. They still matter. And they are no less true and poignant in the light of these revelations.

Addiction is a disease. It’s a dysfunction of the brain’s reward system which requires constant management and care and often goes hand in hand with other mental health disorders. It is not simply a question of willpower or the perceived lack thereof. And while sobriety is to be praised and encouraged—of course it is, of course it absolutely unquestionably is—you cannot possibly know what may cause a person to slip or to feel like they can’t cope without that crutch. And shame on anyone who says it was therefore deserved. 

Shame and my heartfelt wishes that you never go through the things that can lead to serious addiction. Or that you are ever abandoned, derided and regarded as less than human because of it and your death turned into a smear campaign against your memory for the sake of a sensationalist headline.

Yes. Carrie Fisher was an addict, she had drug dependency problems related to her mental health. There was a time she kept it hidden, but after she made the decision to come out about it, she stuck by that decision and became a champion, for herself and everyone like her who struggles. Because she never wanted anyone to suffer like she did in order to get help. And she did it with as much grace and humility as she could manage—and a whole lot more indignity, immodesty, crass humor and love as well. Because that’s who she was and she cared. 

And that’s a hell of a lot more than can be said for those crowing over her death like it’s just deserts.

Fuck you.

People do not exist to stand up to your demands of a perfect ideal of humanity. You do not get to place that burden on the shoulders of someone then tear them apart when they fall under that weight—famous or otherwise.

Fuck you and your whole pretense at moral piety and the horse you rode in on.

Carrie Fisher was not your unproblematic fave. She was in fact extremely problematic, and no one knew that better than she did. 

“I heard someone say once that many of us only seem able to find heaven by backing away from hell. And while the place that I’ve arrived at in my life may not precisely be everyone’s idea of heaven, I could swear sometimes—if I’m quiet enough—I can hear the angels sing. Either that or I fucked up my medication again.” 

-Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking.

The 9 Elements of a VILLAIN

If we’re being honest, one character is always the most fun to develop when you’re writing a new story. It must be the main character, right? The person you’re going to follow throughout the story, the one that means the most to you?

Nope. It’s the villain.

Villains are just FUN. You get to creep into the darkest corners of your writer brain and conjure up the most unashamedly detestable human being you possibly can. 

This is how we look when we begin creating a villain. 

But sometimes, it can be difficult to to make sure they’re fully believable humans. So here are the nine elements that have helped me out when developing these terrible people … 

1) Hero’s Shadow:

The relationship between the main character and the villain is the most important one in the story, because it is the source of all conflict. Without the villain causing trouble, the main character wouldn’t have the chance to be a hero. Without that trouble, the main character’s weaknesses wouldn’t be pressured, which means they couldn’t change. The villain is a condensed and magnified embodiment of the inner weakness that the hero is battling. They’re the SHADOW of hero, the example of what will happen if the main character goes down the wrong path. Both are facing the same problem in different ways. For example Darth Vader and Luke.  

2) Conflict Strategy:  

In the pursuit of stopping the hero from achieving their goal, the villain is going to attack them on 1) a personal relationship level 2) a societal level and 3) an inner level. They’re going to attack the people around them, they’re going to cause consequences for the community surrounding them, they’re going to get into their head and plague them. Because the hallmark of a villain is that they’re the person who’s perfectly suited to attack the hero’s greatest weakness. Villains should have a distinct set of tactics to destroy the main character, on at least two levels. 

3) Flaws: 

This one’s expected. Of course a villain has flaws, it’s in the job description. But flaws do not equate to ‘He kicks turtles every morning before breakfast’ or 'His favorite hobby is butterfly stomping’ or, more within the realm of possibility, “He wants to kill the hero”. These are evil actions, NOT flaws. A lot of villains, particularly in movies, will be given horrible things to do without any explanation for WHY they do them. And it’s pretty easy to give them reasons: just give them human weaknesses! That’s it. Whether the actions they take are as small as theft or as big as blowing up a planet, these actions stem from recognizable HUMAN FLAWS. So like a main character, a villain needs mental and moral flaws.  

Yup, even Maleficent has human flaws. And she’s a dragon part of the time. 

4) Counter Goal: 

All characters exist because they want something. And what do villains want? To get whatever the main character wants (for very different reasons), to stop them from reaching their goal, or another goal that directly conflicts with the hero’s goal. As long as that big tangible thing they want locks hero and villain in battle, you’re good. Think 101 Dalmatians: Cruella and the good guys are fighting over the puppies.  

5) Surface Motivations:  

Why is it that villains always have a team of followers? Because villains never outright state their true motivations. They always have a cover story, and that cover will paint them as righteous. Villains want to look like the good guy. So their real Hidden Motivations are defended by twisting perceptions of Good & Evil, by portraying evil acts in a positive light, by indulging their followers selfish emotions and desire to feel like “one of the good guys. " 

Take Gothel for example: she’s a loving mother who wants to protect her daughter from all the world’s darkness. (Sure you do, Flynn stabber.)  

Surface Motivations never stand up to logical scrutiny and a functioning moral compass, but giving your bad guy a compelling argument against your good side always makes things more interesting, which brings us to …

6) Counter Statement:

The main character needs to learn some kind of truth that will enable them to fix their lives, overcome their weaknesses, banish their ghosts. It’s whatever statement about "how to live a better life” you want to prove with your story. Your villain has other ideas. They don’t agree with that statement, have other beliefs about living life well, and represent an argument against it. For example, Voldemort: “there is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it." 

Although your argument isn’t very convincing, Voldy. I mean, you’re living in the back of some guy’s head.

7) Characterization: 

This is everything on the surface of the villain. The way they speak, the way they look, the way they act, their role in life, their status and power. This is the facade they project for the world to see, a calculated effort to control how they are perceived. This is closely connected to that surface want, because that surface is what they wish people to believe about them. Over time, the reader and the other characters are going to be able to see through this mask and see what it conceals. My favorite Disney example of this is Mother Gothel: on the surface she’s this bubbly mom who loves Rapunzel and wants to protect her from the harshness of the world. 

You can think of this as the text … 

8) Hidden Motivation: 

And this is the subtext. That surface motivation they want the world to believe is a mask concealing their true motivation, which is always rooted in their flaws,  selfishness, and skewed beliefs. 

9) Ghosts, Justification, Self-Obsession: 

These three are closely related, so they get counted together.
Like main characters, villains have GHOSTS: events from their backstories that knocked their worldviews out of alignment, that marked the beginning of their weaknesses, that haunt them still. Because these happened, the originally benign person allowed themselves to turn into someone who could occupy the job of "villain” in a story. Usually, these events are genuine misfortunes and are worthy of sympathy, just like the ghosts of a main character. Think of Voldemort growing up in an orphanage talking to snakes.

BUT! When it comes to ghosts, the major difference between a hero and a villain is HOW THEY DEAL with these unpleasant past events. Both have suffered, but react to suffering in very different ways. A villain will be consumed by these events, obsessed with the real (or imagined) persecution or disadvantage they’ve endured, convinced that all personal responsibility is nullified by their status of injured party. Past tragedies become a talisman that grants immunity from decency. 

This scene from A Series of Unfortunate Events sums it up.  An adult makes an excuse for a terrible person by saying he had a terrible childhood. And Klaus replies: 

Yes, maybe they’ve both lived through tragedy. But THE KIDS aren’t hurting others because of it. 

Because villains, who are constantly victimizing heroes, are completely convinced that THEY are the true victims here. No matter what they do, no matter what they are, they blame everything on that ghost, whether it was another person, society, or circumstances. And later they blame the hero, who they see as the REAL villain. For example, Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame:  

“It’s not my fault, I’m not to blame”

So! WHY are villains like this?

SELF-OBSESSION! Yup, villains spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about themselves and their plights and their plots. Think of any villain and it’s not hard to see the inherent narcissism behind everything they do. Like willingness to take action is the nonnegotiable trait of a main character, self-obsession is the trait that all villains seem to share. 

So! Developing villains in this way has worked out for me so far. If it looks like it might be helpful for you, give it a try.

And in the spirit of creating someone to torment our main characters and ruin their lives, here’s one more maniacal laugh for the road:

What I think of the MOON signs:

Aries: A lot of mental activity, thinking too much about what interests them. They could be intellectuals. They may appear calm on the outside, but a tornado is going on inside them. Optimistic, very competitive and impatient. They live for the moment, forgetting all else. That’s the reason they change their mind so easily about everything. Very curious, but opinionated. The Aries moon at it’s worst may blame things on others, unable to take responsibility. However, they don’t hold grudges and are usually kind and easygoing, wanting to do the right thing because they aim to live up to this ideal image they have of themselves, whatever that ideal is. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: not everyone is out to get you, enjoy yourself, RELAX!! and don’t let your need to be the best, even when you are, poison yourself and your relationships. Celebrities with this moon: Angelina Jolie, Nicolas Sarkozy, Bill Gates, Rihanna.

Taurus
: Charming, very charming. Has a great sense of humor and loves companionship. They will tell you stories, they will make you feel warm. They may not take criticism well, but who does? They do not like to be rushed into things, they like stability and comfort even when being adventurous. They may enjoy shopping too much. Ruled by Venus, they are romantic and affectionate in love, sometimes possessive, and they chose love over friendship. Depending on the Sun and Venus, this moon can be extremely jealous. But wishing to keep balance they will hide it under a passive aggressive attitude which can cause more wrong than right. They look for the best in people and usually will find themselves giving too much, but their desire to maintain balance will help them stay on track. They look more reasonable than they are. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: keep shining, but don’t be so proud. Not everything is like you see it. Sometimes it’s OK to fuck up and admit it. Celebrities with this moon: Christina Aguilera, Cameron Diaz, Mother Teresa, Chris Brown, Jim Morrison.

Gemini: Absent minded? You bet! However they compensate that through their wit and curiosity. They are versatile and easy going. Even on the least easy going suns a Lunar Gemini will ease up the chart. They mean well, I do believe this, mostly because they are not interested in what other people are doing. They do not get caught up in gossip and do their own thing. They can be irritable and moody, but not usually. They are lazy even though they want to have a hand on everything! They have so much they want to do, but their minds go faster than their power of will. They are nervous thought, and if they have a problem they may not know how to act upon it and feel paralyzed. Gemini moons are fun and very chill. At their worst, Lunar Geminis can be very cold and indifferent. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: you are capable of anything if you work! You are not alone… And look around more, be warmer. Celebrities with this moon sign: Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Lawrence.

Cancer: are cancers tired of hearing they are emotional? Yes, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Cancer, as a moon sign, is powerful because the moon is the realm of emotions. Being emotional doesn’t mean weak, on the contrary, a Cancer moon has to be strong to be able to feel as they do. And Cancer moons are indeed strong. They are tender and sweet, and a roller coaster of emotional outbursts. They are in touch with their feelings, so much so, sometimes they get too caught up in them, becoming self-absorbed as if their own emotions are the only emotions that matter. What’s the problem with this? That if they are feeling pain they tend to forget the good things in their life and instead of trying to get better, the get lost in self-pity. They have a good memory and a soft heart, even when you least expect it. They do not do well with criticism, they do not take jokes lightly. They love, they love a lot, even through their mood swings. And find it hard to let go. Do not take this moon sign for granted, they are loyal AF. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: you need to act more and build the future instead of clinging to the past. Celebrities with this moon sign: Taylor Swift, Kurt Cobain, Keanu Reeves, Shakira.

Leo: This moon is outgoing and bright. Yes they need attention, yes they love flattery, yes they can be overly dramatic and yes, as the Leo they are, they do think highly of themselves. And that’s part of the reason they are so successful, they are confident and know they are more than capable of handling anything. They truly are more than capable. They are proud, but have qualities to back it up, and you can’t hate them because they are loving. All that they have for an Ego they have for a heart. They need a lot of love and even though they know they are great, they want to hear it. If you want to cheer them up, genuinely tell them the good qualities you see in them or let them win at a game they love. This is a nice moon to hang around with, a romantic moon, a quick to anger moon, and a moon that won’t try to hurt you, unless you stand in their way. They can be dramatic and get this, they hate drama. They love the whole “nobody loves me” and slamming doors, but oh boy! they‘ll think you are crazy if you act like them. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: yes, we love you, but do not act so dramatic! Celebrities with this moon sign: Julia Roberts, Mahatma Gandh, Monica Bellucci, Tom Cruise.

Virgo: yes, this whole post was about my perception on the moon signs, but I must warn you I am especially biased about this one… I’ve met so many Virgo moons! Many people I love have Virgo Moons! (I am a Virgo rising myself) And I love them, but we crush. All Virgo moons I have come in contact with were and are… way too… critical. They don’t seem to know you have feelings. They will say nasty comments about your personality, hobbies, clothes… but will get angry at the slightest thing you say to them, and they will over-think it for ages. For even though they are hard on others, they are hard on themselves as well. They do not realize their own defects. However, once they do, they will try to correct them. They also say the good stuff… but not so often. They are sharp and they love a good debate. These people are smart and may involve themselves in jobs that allow them to help humanity. They are not mean or petty, just critical and defensive because they want to make things perfect and be perfect (perfect from their point of view). If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be… yes, you guessed! Watch your words, they cut. No, you are not always right and you don’t need to be. And not because you don’t like something does it mean it’s wrong. Celebrities with this moon sign: Madonna, Dalai Lama, Nicki Minaj, Sean Connery.

Libra: Another very charming moon sign, but unlike their sun sign, the Libra moon person is more secretive. They love love. They are very romantic, it can break their heart. They want to be liked and do not enjoy arguing and outbursts of emotion. They can be superficial and vain, but they are also sweet and peace oriented. They are dreamy, calm, they want to open up, they have a lot in their minds, more so then what they are willing to share. They can be extravagant - for some reason - and quiet. They have a dark side: they can get caught up in their negative emotions but never share it with the world. They might be artsy, bohemian, and proudly so, and they all have a personal sense of style. Whatever they are inside- hippie, hipster, painter, lawyer - they will dress to show it. You can tell a lot about these people from their clothes. They might not be terribly steady in love, sometimes they fall for too many people at once. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: there is more than what meets the eye, there’s more than looking for others approval. Celebrities with this moon sign: Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Bieber, Kate Winslet, Jude Law.

Scorpio: This moon is sensual and dark, this moon wants passion, this moon is romantic and is not afraid of commitment! This moon wants loyalty and is loyal. They are dramatic, very dramatic, like a Leo moon, but without the bright disposition. They are egocentric and at the same time, giving. They hold grudges, but if they love you, you won’t need any reassurance because they will be there showing you. They are hot headed and domineering, they like to feel in control. They are jealous and fear betrayal. They will not put up with your bullshit for too long. They have a strong will and they will get where they want to in life. Do not mess with them. They will not take revenge, but they will not forgive you. They feel a lot, and also expect a lot from others. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: chill, chill, chill. Not everything is about you, trust a little more, lighten up! You will be glad you did. Celebrities with this moon sign: Jennifer Lopez, Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry.

Sagittarius: This moon is curious, careless, optimistic and has a childlike manner to it. They look chill to others. They talk quickly, and are a bit impatient. They are naive, afraid of commitment and dislike restrictions. They need space and personal freedom to be happy. They are carefree and may not always be in tune with others emotions, sometimes they are oblivious to how others feel. They will be there if you open up, but may not be the most empathetic of ears. If things get tough, they will run away. They like to do research and could do well in this area, thanks to their curiosity. They want to explore the world and meet new people, they like talking and can get irritated easily. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: Sometimes grounding yourself is needed, sometimes you see more by looking within than by avoiding quietness. It is OK to sit with oneself, don’t avoid things out of fear of working through the rough parts. Celebrities with this moon sign: Albert Einstein, Nicole Kidman, Sharon Stone, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Capricorn: this moon is closed up. This moon needs to feel productive and they measure their worth through their ability to get somewhere in life. They want money and material things and YET they will cultivate a spiritual side. This moon worries about everything. A woman (or a person with feminine energy) with this moon is loyal and stable, a man (or person with masculine energy) with this moon sign, however, finds it hard to be with one woman because they do not know how to be vulnerable. They have will power and emotional strength, they will give you everything you need if you ask - you’d have to ask as they do not know what people need. This moon cares about their style as well, like the Libra moon, this moon dresses up for the job they want, as they say. They like shopping. They can also be alone for long periods of time, they do not mind being in their room all day. Something most people do not expect of this moon sign is their high sexual drive! They can be very kinky and like to sleep around. This moon is cautious, and doesn’t take risks. They like to know the outcome and will think of all the possibilities before rushing into things. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be: oh, you, it’s ok to be vulnerable. If you never open up, you will miss your life. Take risks, maybe not always, but do not let love pass you by because of fear. Celebrities with this moon sign: Amy Winehouse, Adolf Hitler, Johnny Depp, Napoleon.

Aquarius: what a witty moon to have. In my opinion, this position makes a person fast, goofy and brainy. They are detached and bubbly, they look not as smart as they truly are. They like attention, but will not give it to you! They are aloof. They care about facts, though. They call it the Aquarian Age for a reason. They want to know things, but will not argue with you if you do not see things as they do. They like to keep their emotions to themselves and do not like to be serious. So maybe, listening to others talking about their problems is not their strength. They just want to chill! If a sarcastic comment is what you need, go talk to them. They care about history and humanity, they want to make a difference. If I had to give some advice to this moon it would be:: care about people a little more, ok? They might need you as much as you need them. Celebrities with this moon sign: Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana, John Lennon, Conan O'brien.

Pisces: Yes this moon sign is the most compassionate and empathetic of all the moon signs. This moon is psychic, and will know how you are feeling even better than you. They can easily feel overwhelmed by the harsh demands of this world and, at their worst they can turn to drugs or other ways to escape reality. However, they are funny, goofy and optimistic, they live in their dream world and seem to be in a far away land. Even though they can be masochistic, and can be a pushover, this moon sign sees everything and everyone with rose colored glasses, including their future. They think everything will be alright even if death is right in front of them, they will think they are dating a kind person even if they find them cheating on them every Saturday. They are indeed innocent, gullible, but what most people do not know about this moon sign is that once they see you for you, there is no way back. They put people they love on pedestals, but if you fall, it will be hard for them to put you up there again. Which is not a bad thing, it is better not be on a pedestal anyway. However, the problem is, when they get betrayed or hurt, they start to think the worst of people. They will not revenge, but maybe they won’t let you back into their life, they are afraid to be vulnerable. It is easier for them to be there for others than to be there for themselves and show the world all the messy they are inside. They feel guilty over everything and even though they care about people a lot, sometimes they have trouble showing it. If I had to give some advice to this moon sign it would be: love yourself more, take care of yourself and do not be a doormat. And stop the self-pity. Celebrities with this moon sign: Michael Jackson, Michelle Obama, Martin Luther King, Elvis Presley.

I have some opinions/thoughts that I’d really love to get off my chest even if other people think I’m completely wrong.

Gaston did not deserve to die, Gaston was hardly a bad person, Gaston was basically forced into being the villian of this story.

[I’m referring to the 2017 remake of BATB rather than the original animation.]

Let’s point out some difference between the 1991 Gaston and 2017 Gaston
-2017 Gaston was not a misogynist
-did not abuse Lefou
-even verbally
-Like for fucksakes, the friendship between Lefou and Gaston was so genuine. I’m frequently seeing these things around Gafou is an abusive ship, buts it’s really not? He tells Lefou ‘thank you’ says ‘you’re the best Lefou’ sincerely asks ‘how has no woman snatched you up?’, messes around with Lefou like buds (wrestling bite marks, picking him up to demonstrate strength, gets on the table and dances with him), let’s Lefou calm him down and boop his nose, and not once does he insult or hurt even when it seemed like he would (after Lefou wrapped his arms around him, or when he couldn’t spell his name, when he said ‘who needs her when you’ve got us’, etc). They’re sincerely good, close friends, but don’t worry I’m not ignoring all the shitty things Gaston did to Lefou I will get to that in a second.
-I said he’s not a misogynist, right? Cause that’s important. Big step away from the OG.
-Doesn’t insult Belle for reading
-Instead he feigns interest in the book because he knows it’s her interest
-even brings her flowers, whataguy
-Has manners (“excuse me, please let me through” going through the crowd, didn’t push everyone out of his way)
-Goes to her rescue when the town’s people are being mean (sure this is because he wanted to be the hero to seduce her, but seriously he was one of the few people who didn’t harass or bully Belle for being different)
-Doesn’t call Maurice crazy and instead offers his help to soothe the men (again, seduction, but seriously he’s still being polite and helping the underdog unlike the OG)

I’ll probably think of more things to add to this Gaston-wasnt-an-asshole list but I think this basically gets the point across that, well, Gaston wasn’t an asshole. He was immensely vain, yes, but that doesn’t mean he was a bad person.
Cus ya know who else started out incredibly vain but still managed to be the fucking prince in this story?
Yep, the Beast/Adam of course.

Time to do some comparing of the prince and the villian because spoiler alert, they basically parallel each other.

I’ll begin this part with Belle’s comment of, “No one can change THAT much, Gaston”
Ahem

LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP ARE YOU SERIOUS
This line pissed me off immensely, because that’s literally Adam’s entire character arc, changing himself completely, literally and figuratively.

Like I’m sorry you wanna do a repeat of the song “Something there” aka the song where the lyrics are basically “he was an asshole brute who I hated but now he’s c h a n g e d”
Literally so pissed off at that all.

But as I was saying, Gaston basically mirrors Adam’s arc, meaning to say they’re practically the same character things going on but sorta reversed.

Like okay
-Upon first meeting Belle, the Beast locks her father then her in a tower and is a huge dick but then they bond over books and he gives her flowers and he’s nice to her.
-Upon first interacting with Belle, Gaston is nice to her, gives her flowers, tries to bond over books, but then he’s a huge dick and locks her father and then her in a cart.

Do you see what I did there? Literally the same actions, but backwards.

Let’s do some more comparing.
-They both have terrible, terrible tempers.
But you know what? The Beasts is definitely a lot worse than Gaston’s.

Let’s review how both Gaston and Adam dealt with Belle’s dinner rejection
-Beast: literally motherfucking demands she has dinner with him, bangs his paws on the door, scrEAMS at her, and then announces she can starve if she won’t eat with him
-Gaston: [not direct quotes, can’t remember exact words but basically what he says] “oh, busy?” nope “okay, then some other time?” boom that’s that. Yeah he still is persistent on winning her over even after this rejection but the man handled it a lot better then Adam (and he brought flowers for her dinner table).

I’m about to move on from Adam and start talking about how Gaston treated Lefou in a sec, but I would just really really really like to put some emphasis on the fact that both Adam and Gaston were incredibly narcissistic men. The amount of self pride and conceded they have is in the beginning is completely parallel and it leads to both of their unfortunate fates. The point in this, is Gaston is not a bad guy just because he loves himself a bit much, just as the Beast was not a bad guy for loving himself too much. Like, the way Adam turns down Agatha for being ugly seems exactly like something Gaston would do, so why does the movie end with Gaston dying while the Beast learns his lesson and gets his happily ever after?
Because, the OG Gaston was truly an asshole who deserved to die and this 2017 remake of course had to stay true to the story. Even though this Gaston really wasn’t a true villian and didn’t deserve to die – rather he deserves a redemption arc just as Adam was given – he died anyway because that’s how the story goes.

Anyway, I’ll get on with this and bring back Lefou.

Some of you have probably been reading this while thinking “But Marley [das my name], Gaston was a shitty person, he wasn’t a good friend to Lefou at all because he manipulated him, let him get punched in the face, didn’t protect him at all, and threatened to lock him up. Plus, he was only into Belle because she’s pretty.”

Alright alright alright: Lefou.
He’s an exceedingly important character as he gives us insight to Gaston’s character.
Two crucial things he reveals about Gaston … .

-Gaston has anger issues. My father has anger issues, and so do I, and we both are on meds for it. Let me say, having anger management problems and getting angry are very different things. It’s just like he having anxiety and getting nervous are very different things. I think most of you can probably relate or understand anxiety more then anger issues, so just put yourself in Gaston’s shoes with that in mind. Anyway, back to Lefou. He shows us that Gaston has anger issues when he rushes to Gaston’s aid by saying “deep breathes” and then “think about the war”. He tells us that Gaston has coping mechanisms for when he gets like this. Does it matter if Gaston has anger problems? Does it make him less of a dick? Like, seriously Marley, does this information really make up for any of the things he did? Yes, yes it does matter. It’s like when you/someone your love is having an anxiety attack, or when you fall into a depressive episode, or when a loved one acts out of PTSD [which Gaston could totally completely have], or when someone with schizophrenia or delusions starts having episodes, it’s basically exactly like whenever anyone’s mental illness starts to act up. You don’t feel like yourself and you don’t so things you would normally​ do. This is definitely the case for Gaston; he acts out of character when he gets angry like this. And that’s my second point that Lefou proves in this movie.

-Gaston is not being himself when he starts doing all that terrible shit that leads him to his demise. Lefou makes it fairly obvious that that is not how Gaston usually acts. He does this in numerous ways which I will quickly try to summarize and go through:
1) Questions Gaston. Obviously if Gaston often tied up old men to trees or in general left people to die, Lefou would have just went with it instead of going “are you sure?”
2) doesn’t immediately lie to save Gaston’s ass. Again, if Gaston frequently had Lefou lie for him, then it would have came to Lefou like second nature and he wouldn’t have hesitated.
3) Once more, questioning Gaston. The scene I’m about to refer to is when Gaston locks Belle and her father in the carriage. Lefou grabs Gaston’s arm and goes to question him again, but before he can Gaston threatens to lock him up as well. Dick move on Gastons end, no? But this isn’t something he would normally do or say to Lefou, for if it was Lefou wouldn’t have bothered speaking up because he would have known what Gaston’s reaction would be. Instead, Lefou is used to being able to talk sense into Gaston and reason with him (refer back to nose boop scene).
4) Running to Gaston’s side for protection during the fight [castle scene]. Lefou is probably used to having Gaston protect him during fights (war time) and obviously didn’t expect Gaston to throw him to the enemy. Like, yous guys heard him shriek Gaston’s name before the piano fell on him, right? He was obviously expecting Gaston to rescue him. Even after he’s trapped under the piano, he still reaches and calls out for Gaston. The way Gaston is acting is not the Gaston he knows.
5?) “I was on Gaston’s side, but we are so in a bad place right now” [however he says it you know the line I’m referring to]. Aight I think this is the one line that really captures the point I’m trying to make. Lefou has switched sides because Gaston is being a major douchebag and Lefou’s not having it. Lefou doesn’t put up with being treated like shit [MrsPotts saying he deserves better and Lefou agreeing]. So o b v i o u s l y Lefou is not used to Gaston being so cruel and angry. If Gaston treated Lefou like this all the time, then Lefou wouldn’t be by his side [because he left his side once he started acting like this]. Lefou knows how he should be treated, and how he’s being treated is not what he’s used to.
You dig what I’m saying? I’m kinda rushing through these points because I’m getting tired of this.

*deep breathe* Alright, last point, as I mentioned above, ‘Gaston only wanted Belle because she was beautiful’ Alright alright alright I’m not even going to talk about the Gaston in this point, I’m just going to talk about the huge flaw that is Beauty and the Beast.

Adam is turned into the Beast because he needs to learn to not judge people by how they look, he needs to learn that it’s what’s on the inside that matters.
Right.
So why is Belle the one that learns this lesson?
Adam falls in love with a gorgeous girl, meanwhile Belle falls in love with a hideous monster who turns into a nice dude on the inside.
Belle is the character who learned to not judge a book by its cover [cover being a monsterous beast but inside he is a gorgeous prince].
As soon as Belle walked into the castle, all the furniture was like “yooooo she could be the one, master hit her up” and instantly Adam’s like “well I need a girl to fall in love with to break my curse and she cute yeah let’s do it”. Like of course there’s more to our then this, but what I’m trying to say is Adam had already planned to try to charm Belle before he knew what kind of person he was because he was desperate to break the curse.
So he and everyone in the castle just saw her and was like “she was a girl, he was a boy, can I make it anymore obvious?”
So anyway anyway anyway, Gaston was only interested in Belle because she was beautiful and he wanted a wife, but Beast was only interested in Belle because she was beautiful and could break the spell. See the parallels again? Like, Beast later fell in love with Belle for who she was and she made him a better person, Gaston could have totally done the same thing.
And okay, there’s no proof Beast cared that Belle was beautiful or not, but yo, Disney definitely should have made Belle ugly af so when Adam met her the snob in him would have been “ew she’s ugly, next” and then Lumiere and Mrs. Potts woulda been like “boi Imma whoop yo ass if you don’t give that girl a try, I don’t care how fucked up her teeth are smfh” and then Adam would have learned the lesson that the enchantress was trying to school him about in the first place [this applies to the 1991 animated film, not directly at the 2017 btw]

Well I was trying to keep this professional and moreso eloquently written but you can tell I’m coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because I want it all

Okay okay okay
Okay okay
Okay

I believe we’re nearing the end. I believe I’ve said all I needed to say made all the points I could [honestly definitely not because I’m constantly thinking about this and arguing with no one in my head, I have a lot to say and later I’ll be making toast and be like “anD ONE MORE THING”]

I’m very upset Gaston died because he wasn’t a terrible enough character to deserve death.

So Dear Disney, either make Gaston more of a shitty person, or bring him back to life. I’ll be waiting for an apology letter until this is done.

Of course I’m kidding.

I just have such a love and passion for Gaston and I’m truly sick of hearing people tell me that Gafou is an abusive ship and Gaston is a villian.

And if you refuse to see that Gaston wasn’t a bad guy but still believe that Adam is such a prince than you’re insanely hypocritical.

People just see what they want to see.

Also I’m terribly sorry for making this so diddly damn long, I honestly have no idea how to do the cutoff “Show more” thing, I’m on mobile. So sorry if you’re trying to rapidly scroll past all of this and it’s taking forever.

But honestly fuck you don’t scroll past my argument.

And also if you legit read all this then motherfucking congratulations to you. Like I don’t even want to read all of this shit to edit it.

Thanks for the attention. Marley OUTT
why lance (probably) won’t be the red paladin, and also why keith (probably) won’t be the black paladin

alright, so, chances are you’ve watched and rewatched the season three trailer multiple times. or, at least, i have. in it, we see lance in both the blue lion and the red lion, and we also see keith in the black lion. 

Keep reading

A Good Thing

“Bobby, you can’t keep doing that to him.”
Bob raises his eyebrows, putting down his fork. “Doing what, Alicia? Corralling our son into talking about his crush?”
“Exactly.”

Or, A fic about Bob and Alicia noticing Jack’s feelings for Bitty before even he does.


Bob Zimmermann is kind of messy, only a bit of a smart ass, and just a tad hard of hearing. Yet even without perfect hearing Bob can’t miss the affection in his son’s voice when talking about a certain line-mate.

Bob Zimmermann is many things, but he is no idiot.

“Did you get that paper done for your…what was it again- american pie class?”

Bob looks over his shoulder just in time to see Alicia send an appraising look from the couch. He catches a hint of a smile.

He winks back and she rolls her eyes in return.

Bob turns again to the large window, the white light blinding him for a moment. The large expanse of grass is still littered with snow, lining the way down to their lake. A blank sky hugs the horizon.

“Women, food, and American culture, Papa.”

“Right. So how’d you do on the paper? Did Eric help you out?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

did you see what rick said about reyna???? i dont know how to feel anymore he said that making reyna lesbian would perpetuate harmful stereotypes that lesbians are only lesbians cause they cant get the men they want, i am very conflicted about this i wanted her to be queer really badly too

went looking for it after i saw this, but i gotta say it was hard to get through because it was such a pack of regurgitated bullshit that my brain kind of shut off halfway through the comment and i am mmmmm uh really about to lose it right here

  • first of all, rickald dear, the subtext is blatant and it’s all right there and i could give you an itemized list of reasons why i think reyna is a lesbian and they’d all be backed up by the text, so if you didn’t “intend” it or can’t “see” it then you better try harder!!!! because it’s there.
  • “she doesn’t need someone to complete her” is so TIRED lmao. i don’t need someone to complete me, either. i’m still a lesbian. percy and annabeth shouldn’t need each other to “complete” them. hazel and frank don’t need anyone to “complete” them, jason and piper shouldn’t either, or nico, or will, or motherfucking tyson or ella or grover or leo or calypso! if you are dating someone to complete yourself, your relationship is going to be codependent shit where you’ll be demanding unfair things from your partner that you should be able to get from yourself. you’ll be jealous, and controlling, and lose whatever identity you had to begin with. relationships are not meant to “complete” us, they are meant to complement us, to challenge us to grow in areas where we need growth while also giving us the support we need to help us get there.
  • “reyna is reyna’s better half” oh fuck you. like seriously, just fuck off. annabeth isn’t annabeth’s better half? piper isn’t piper’s better half? hazel isn’t hazel’s better half? i mean fucking hell if your logic is “i can’t pair her with anyone because it’s compromising her independence” THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE ANY OF YOUR CHARACTERS DATING ANYONE?! RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD NEVER MAKE YOU COMPROMISE WHO YOU ARE!
  • “lesbians are lesbians because they couldn’t find the right man” welllllllllllllll uuuuuuuuuuuh………………….yes, we are. like no lmao that didn’t make me a lesbian, but the absolute fucking reality is that lesbians actually literally cannot find the right man, because there isn’t one. the stereotype isn’t that we are lesbians because we couldn’t find the right man, because that’s true lmao, most of us have gone searching for the right man and finally reached the conclusion that men just don’t do it for us, and never will, and so our “mr. right” or prince charming or whatever the fuck doesn’t exist. the actual stereotype is that “lesbians just haven’t met the right guy yet” as in, this lesbian could still be attracted to you and she doesn’t really know who she is and you can just freely invalidate her sexuality because why not lesbianism isn’t real and you could be what she’s been waiting for.
  • like alskjdf;lak i understand that it’s misogynistic to define lesbians by their lack of attraction for men, but the reality is that we live in a world we’re we are coerced from practically birth to define our lives in terms of men and so if you are literally incapable of conforming to that thought process, if you literally come to the conclusion that you cannot define yourself in terms of men because you are a lesbian, yes, that really is an integral part of your lesbianism.
  • like, if you’re going to say that giving reyna a gf perpetuates stereotypes, then at least have some kind of understanding of what the fuck you’re talking about lmao.
  • not to mention how casually, how callously, he dismisses bisexuality as a possibility for reyna. “having a girl end up with women after dating men is a bad stereotype.” that’s what he said. that is what he fucking said. as if youuuuu know…..real bi girls don’t do this? as if real lesbians don’t do this. as if it’s a fucking bad and perpetuating stereotypes to write about a real experience that bi girls and lesbians have both lived through? this isn’t an anomaly, this is extremely common, our failed relationships with men are something we joke about, something so common that it’s rare to find a lesbian or a bi girl who has never had a fling with a man in any capacity.
  • fuck him.
GoT S07E03 Thoughts

And here we go again.

As always, these are my rambling nonsensical thoughts on the episode, but disclaimer, my stream lagged so i missed maybe 30 seconds to maybe a minute of the episode. Let’s begin. 

Jon and Tyrion’s conversations had to be some of my favourite scenes from this episode. That shared smile between them when Jon first lands on Dragonstone and they greet each other was so pure. There is potential for a great friendship between them. They both have an understanding for each other that they don’t share with anyone else. Jon as a bastard and Tyrion as a dwarf. This was evident in earlier seasons too, but more so now that they have both found their places in the world. They respect each other, but they’re fighting for very different causes (and for different reasons) and I wonder if this fledgling friendship will become a point of contention for them later in the story.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say that one of my favourite scenes had to be Tyrion and Jon’s conversation about Sansa. What I loved about this scene was although it was fleeting, it still gave us Jonsa feels (if you’re inclined to read the scene this way anyhow). 

When Tyrion says, “does she miss me terribly?” Jon is very quiet and they let that silence play on long enough for it to be a significant marker in a conversation. Jon didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t an awkward silence; it was absolutely an annoyed, aggravated silence. And then what’s great is that Tyrion immediately went on the defensive and says that the marriage was never consummated. 

It’s a strange thing to say, especially when they were so friendly earlier. Wouldn’t it be safe to assume that if Jon had any suspicions that Tyrion had hurt/touched Sansa against her will that exchange would’ve gone very differently? There was clearly no need to mention it at all, but yet Tyrion did and Jon’s response was “I didn’t ask” in a clearly annoyed tone that suggested if this topic didn’t end soon someone was going to get choked out. Either Jon really hates the thought of Sansa with another man he turned into grumpy kitten Jon or he doesn’t want to think about his sister having sex at all. But bear with me here, if it’s the latter, why have this dialogue at all? There’s no narrative reasoning for this whatsoever unless Jonsa is a real possibility in the future and we’re supposed to continue to think about Jon, Sansa and ‘sex’ in the same line of thought.  

Okay, okay, admittedly my shipping goggles are on, but I still maintain the fact that it’s a weird piece of dialogue to have. If all they wanted to do was establish Sansa as a real political player, they could’ve cut that entire 2-3 lines out and just went straight into:

“She’s smarter than she lets on.”

“She’s starting to let on.”

And now that we’re onto the topic, I absolutely believe the mention of Sansa’s intelligence here serves two purposes. The first is to establish Sansa as a real political player here. She’s been underestimated by everyone in Westeros, but she’s far smarter than anyone gives her credit for (yes, even Jon).

In fact, jumping straight to Winterfell, you are given a whole scene of Sansa demonstrating that intelligence – not only in keeping everyone fed, but in keeping the soldiers protected. She understands what it takes to rule. But what I love about this sequence of scenes is Littlefinger praising her then going on to claim to know Cersei better than everyone and Sansa just shutting him down, saying she knows her better. Once again, we’re being forced to consider all that Sansa’s learned from Cersei. She just didn’t learn how to play the game but she learned Cersei herself. If anyone can outplay Cersei, we’re being led to believe it’s Sansa. 

Why I think this is important is how this episode also demonstrated that Cersei is once again one of the smartest and most devious rulers in Westeros. She completely outmaneuvered Tyrion, Daenerys and Olenna. People think her ‘madness’ from losing her children will make her weaker, but she’s still as shrewd as ever. She is very much Tywin’s daughter, but she’s much more ruthless. Tyrion may be smart, but thus far? He’s not as smart as his sister. 

But who is? 

Well, there’s a ‘queen’ in the North who is, and the more I think about it, the more I think this quote is actually referring to Sansa: 

“Aye. Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”

Because Cersei is right. Dany is a revolutionary, not a ruler. She can conquer and free slaves, but she doesn’t know how to rule. She’s not nearly as intelligent as Cersei in playing the Westerosi game, but Sansa is. She’s learned from the very best after all. Whether I’m wrong or right, I am convinced Sansa’s role in this war will be far greater than just ruling Winterfell in Jon’s stead. 

Its second purpose is basically to reaffirm Jon’s faith and trust in Sansa and her judgement. But what I found interesting is the way he says it is almost in an exasperated way, like he knows she is and she continues to “twist him in a way no one else can” because she’s too smart for her own good. But alas, the shipping goggles are on, so take that what you will. 

Now onto the big anticipated meeting. Honestly, I enjoyed Jon and Dany’s interactions. The juxtaposition of them as individuals and rulers were pronounced in the last episode, but they were even more glaringly so in this one. While Dany continues to talk about her rightful place and her indignation that he refuses to acknowledge what is hers, Jon continues to fight for his people and the war up North. I mean that’s just the thing, isn’t it? Every mention of Dany being this benevolent ruler who cares about the people doesn’t actually come from Dany. She doesn’t actually say she wants to save the people of Westeros. It’s always someone else because maybe, just maybe it’s not really her true purpose here in Westeros. Yes, I don’t believe she would be indifferent to the loss of innocent lives, but if it was the only way to get her to that throne, wouldn’t you think she’d do it? Wouldn’t Dany say ‘to hell with all of it’ and fly her dragons and burn everything in sight for that throne? If it was her only option, she would choose herself over the people. 

Hell, she even says it. After her speech about all she’s overcome, she says the only way she’s endured any of that was because of her faith in herself. While it’s a good speech if you take out the context, Dany’s survived and persevered this long because of her unwavering belief in her birthright, which was to rule on the Iron Throne. Everything else comes second to that. And I refuse to believe that the ultimate hero of the story is someone who believes themselves a hero and entitled to a kingdom. 

Whereas Jon was thrust into his position. He would choose the people over himself and that difference was emphasised by this quote they just had to repeat twice: 

“…took a knife in the heart for his people.”

Also, the fact that Jon cut Davos off before he could blab about Jon’s resurrection and Dany’s fixation on this feels highly foreboding. It’s definitely going to come back up, but in what way, I don’t know. 

Objectively speaking, I could see how Jon3rys could be hinted in this episode, as Jon and Dany come to understand each other, but personally, I believe it’s a tentative alliance at best that borders on an impasse rather than actual understanding. Right now, they can work because Dany has bigger fish to fry and Jon needs dragonglass. But when their objectives clash? What then? You could even see this opposition highlighted in the way they were filmed on that cliff. They’re standing together yet they’re facing opposite directions. They spend far more of that scene looking away from one another than looking eye to eye. Having their first one-on-one interaction being filmed in the light is also quite telling. The sun can be a symbolic source of goodness, but it can also be an oppressive force. Actually, it made me think of this quote from Albert Camus’ The Stranger: 

“The sky was already filled with light. The sun was beginning to bear down on the earth and it was getting hotter by the minute. I don’t know why we waited so long before getting under way. I was hot in my dark clothes […] it was inhuman and oppressive.“

Jon is a man of the North. His season is winter. I’ve said in previous metas that having Jon’s resurrection coincide with Winter’s arrival was symbolilc. Where usually in literature winter represents a time of stagnancy or even regression in the hero myth, for Jon, it represents rebirth and growth. Winter is a time for Starks. Having such sunlight bearing down on them in this scene (looking more like summer than winter) and Jon still wearing his furs seems to forewarn perhaps bad consequences with this alliance. 

For my Jonsa shippers, this is the exact opposite in how Jon and Sansa’s scenes are shot. They’re almost always in dimly lit areas or surrounded by candlelight, and snow is usually falling. Their reunion also coincided with Winter’s coming, so don’t despair if you are over Jon3rys meeting. 

Speaking of how scenes are shot, Sansa and Bran’s reunion couldn’t be more of a stark (ha ha) difference to Jon and Sansa’s. Yes, he was never going to run towards her, but she didn’t nuzzle him. I’ve always said the choice of having Sansa nuzzle Jon’s cheek was a bizarre one. It’s just odd. People don’t nuzzle their family members. But maybe she wasn’t in the nuzzling mood, fine. Go to the godswood scene though and there just seems to be such a distance between Sansa and Bran. I think that’s partially Bran being the Three-Eyed Raven as well because the distance was also entirely about who he is now as well.

Anyway, Clearly in the books Bran’s importance and power is more obvious, so they had to demonstrate somehow that Bran as the Three-Eyed Raven can see everything. But why does he bring up Sansa’s wedding? If they wanted to show off his power, they could have him bring anything else up, so why her wedding? Why bring up Ramsay at all? Shouldn’t Bran know better than that? Especially to tell her she looks beautiful that day after already implicitly saying he knows what Ramsay did to her. It feels unnecessarily cruel for Bran who, while seemingly distant, does love her. It has to serve a purpose for them to write that in. Perhaps foreshadowing a future wedding in the cards for Sansa? Perhaps a fake one to LF? Or maybe something further down the line where it’ll be the opposite of everything she had with Ramsay. No godswood, no beautiful white dress, no snow falling, but with someone she loves and who loves her. I don’t know but I’m just speculating here. 

Moving on to my favourite scene in the episode though: Cersei with Elaria. Honestly, Lena Heady is a phenomenal actress. Everyone is so focused on Cersei being this horrible evil villain, but you forget the real nuances to her character. When she asks Elaria why she killed Myrcella, it was delivered in such a vulnerable tone. You really, truly get a glimpse of the heartbroken, grieving mother who just tried to do her best for her children (whether that best was actually good or not), but then immediately after, you get the vindictive, cunning and formidable Cersei as she kisses Elaria’s daughter. It was amazing. Horrible but amazing. 

Second favourite scene had to be Olenna’s. What is there to say? She is the Dowager Queen of Badass Bitchery and Snarky Comebacks. Give me a great, complex female villain any day! I wouldn’t even call Olenna a villain tbh. But what I mean is I would 150% take morally grey or morally corrupt female characters over your atypical one-dimensional girl-next-door ones any day, week or month.  

Stray thoughts that I don’t have time/energy to write about:

Did anyone else get flirty vibes between Tyrion and Dany? 

And does anyone think Jorah’s “perhaps our paths will cross again” sound entirely too foreboding for Sam?

been reading a lot of klance fics lately so i thought i’d share it w you guys!! here’s 14 of them and definitely my favorites. comes with the title (duh), description, a review by yours truly, and link to the fic. the writers of said fics also have some gorg other masterpieces so be sure to check those out!

1. ) Smile for the Stars by maIikcutie

description

Though he’s been dealt many bad cards, Lance isn’t sure he can handle this one: winding up stranded, a million lightyears away from home, with only Keith to keep him company.
The universe is cruel.

review

amazing a+++ fic but i strongly advise not to read this unless you are willing to live the rest of your life broken hearted and Sad. i promise ur heart will be wrecked but in the best way possible!!! a buncha artists on tumblr made art for this so be sure to check those out & also there’s a epilogue-ish thing for this that dulls the pain a lil less and its called The Stars Smile Back in case yall were interested

2. ) Dirty Laundry by Gibslythe

description:

“Two whole months of free laundry in exchange for two weeks of being my fake boyfriend. Deal?”
Keith hesitated for a moment. Was this really worth it? Hardly. Lance was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure what fake dating would entail. But, free laundry was free laundry, right?
“Alright, it’s a deal.”
Or: Lance makes the mistake of telling his Mom he has a boyfriend coming home with him for Christmas. Keith makes the mistake of agreeing to be Lance’s ‘fake boyfriend’.

review:

if u love slow burn then BOY ur gonna love this !!!! mama lance is so warm i luv her !!! fake dating aka one of my fav tropes so 11/10 and i just rly love this ok im in tears

3. ) call me, beep me by safra

description:

(00:31) Do you think she gave me the wrong number on purpose?
(00:31) Or was it a genuine mistake?
(00:32) Like maybe she writes funny and I misread it?
(00:32) Some of the numbers do look a little dodgy…
(00:33) Cause, you know, her threes couldvery easily be poorly formed eights? And maybe she writes her sevens like her ones?
(00:45) What
(00:46) The
(00:46) Fuck??
(00:47) Oh good, you are awake!
where lance messages the wrong number and things kind of snowball from there

review:

i love through-chat fics therefore i am so in love with this!!!!!! your everyday "wrong number” trope but so so so much better!!! cute and happy

4. ) Seasons by fairietailed

description: 

“Do you think we’ll be together, still, by the time we make it home?”
Lance is quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he says, “That depends. Do you plan on going somewhere?”
Keith laughs, threading his fingers through Lance’s hair.
“No, I suppose I don’t.”

review:

their relationship is just SO PURE AND SOFT and so well written i’m in luuuv but the open ending will shatter and will most likely rip u apart

5. )  Don’t Break Connection, Baby by princedeadend

description:

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet idiot continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him…at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith.
aka the phone sex operator fic no one asked for

review:

this is soooooooooo cute and adorable and wow i luv ittttt!!! made me smile so hard it hurts

6. ) He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

description:

In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed…and so are the true monsters.

review:

oh my god the buildup may be slow but i promise it’s worth it like everything just falls perfectly into place !!! and its so adorable and creative and just wow not ur usual klance fanfic and that just makes it 1000x better and also,,, dragons !!

7. ) Bonding Time by magisterpavus

description:

“Shiro, I fucked up,” Keith blurted, wringing his hands.
Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. “What? What happened?”
“I think,” Keith whispered, “I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick.”

review:

galra keith will always and forever be my fav au so this is a definite fav for me !!! i love the other 3 sequels it comes w too!! and nsfw content too dont even lie ik u guys are thirsty for that

8 .) Just Static by Jessadilla

description:

–Static—-
-iro, Hunk, Kei—, nybody? I’m—-
-static–
–I’m sorry guys. This is all my–
–static–cc–
—I found my coordinates. They’re–
-stttcc-
-guys. I hear something—
–scccc-
-end transmission-
Alone on a hostile planet, transmissions aren’t getting through. How did it come to this?

review:

this fic got me sad and crying in the middle of the night )’: wont leave u too sad tho the ending is pretty nice

9. ) What a Healing Pod Can’t Repair by Remember_Me

description:

The compromised wormhole was ripping apart at the seams, sending everyone spiraling away in completely different directions. Lance could feel himself being pulled and bent in ways he was definitely not supposed to be.

Stitching the team back together after everyone is separated is difficult, and for one Paladin rescue wouldn’t be coming for a very long time.

review:

no words. literally no words. this was so painful and just wow the buildup will shatter u i swear )’: also poor bb lance i sob. comes with cool-looking art which makes it a whole lot better

10. ) Seen: 5:29 by SpeedOfSins

description:

AU where Keith is some important guy who has a business suit, and lance is a good housewife. (tha ts a lie, i honestly dont have a summary but this fic hurts, i have been told by at least 3 people)
Written in text format

review:

will wreck u, beware!! may be short but enough to bring u to tears honestly

11. ) On Thin Ice by Minadora

description:

Once upon a time, two Canadian nerds decided to start a figure skating au about their two space sons and their wonderful misfit friends. Ten pages of headcanons later we finally put electronic pen to electronic paper and created this monstrosity. This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets forcibly enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to “work on his footwork”. There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater.
Enjoy the ride because it’s only just started.

review:

the description says it all !!!!! a fic beloved by the vld fandom and gosh whats not to love honestly???? also the whole gang is so happy !!! (sidenote: this is unfinished and its killing me)

12. ) I bet you look good on the dancefloor by xShieru

description:

“So like in 'Step Up’?” Allura shrugs. “Now that you put it like that - yes. I guess it’s just like in 'Step Up’.” The smile that she sends Shiro’s way - followed by a shy wave, eugh - is sickening to say the least, and Lance still doesn’t believe in dance camps.
-
Lance McClain’s dancing career begins and ends with Keith.
Keith just wants to find out what Lance’s deal is.

review:

if u love step up ur gonna LOVE this !!!! i love it so so so so much can i just say and wow keith is so hot ffs

13. ) thunderstruck by xShieru

description:

Lance doesn’t pine for anyone ever, Keith’s never been to a dance, Hunk tries his best to be supportive, Shiro is very done, and Pidge steals a car.But hey, it could’ve been worse.

review:

space prom!!!!!!! and cute pining gays!! whats not to love about that?

14. ) In English, Please

description:

Lance thinks he can get away with flirting with Keith if it’s in Spanish. Lance thinks if he says the words angrily enough no one will catch on to the ruse. Lance thinks his secret crush is safe. Lance, my friends, is very…very wrong.

review:

two words - too. cute. i can’t even with this fic

“BATMAN IS NEVER JEALOUS” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

#5. “Who the fuck is this guy!? “My brother….” “Sure! Sure he is!”

Here we go for jealous Bruce Wayne, because that’s what this prompt inspired me to write. Boom, hope you’ll like it I’m a bit unsure about this one, feedbacks are welcome : 

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

_______________________________________________

Damian was a bit confused. Usually, on patrol, they would like…do things. Catch criminals. Stop bank robberies. Save widows and orphans.

Yes, Damian was utterly confused as to why tonight, his father and him were following…his mom. Not Talia. You. He never considered Talia his mother, he came to that realization the first time you made him hot cocoa and cookies after he had a rough day, and just…talked to him. Asked him how he was feeling. Just genuinely cared for him, something Talia Al’Ghul never did. 

She was his mother, but you were his mommy. 

And so, tonight, as he was jumping from a building to another, following you through the dark street of Gotham, he wasn’t really sure what was going on. 

Oh my God…Were you a criminal ? Was he going to loose you because his father was going to put you behind bars ? But he loves you ! How could he ? 

If it came to that, Damian decided that he would fight his dad, giving you enough time to escape. Yes. He would save you. There was no way he was letting his mommy go in prison, no matter what she did…

His father was talking to Dick about something happening in North Gotham. He then proceeded to call Tim to ask him to go to the docks join Jason because some big drug deal was going on…And once again, Damian wondered why they were tracking you instead of taking care of the real issues. 

He looked down in the street, you were at a small cafe, ordering a huge cup of coffee, that he knew was probably the blackest beverage ever. You liked it that way. But that’s it. You were getting coffee. Sure it was 10:30 pm but like, you couldn’t always just stay at the Manor right ? You’d be bored ! 

Besides, you were a writer, you often came to get coffee at night with your notebook, you always said it brought you lots of inspiration (he loved your stories, and was your number one beta reader). 

It wasn’t an unusual thing for you to be out, getting coffee (even if Gotham was dangerous at night, you knew how to defend yourself thanks to your Husband’s training, and besides, one of your sons kinda always had an eye on you anyway…just to be sure), so again, why were they here ? Why weren’t they on the docks, with Tim and Jason, to fight some real criminals ? 

Bruce refused to let Damian patrol alone so far, which is why he was with him, but usually, he’d explain what was going on you know ? Not able to contain himself anymore, Damian asked : 

-Father…why are we spying on mom ? 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Why do people like Bakugou? I've not finished the series yet, but does he get a redemption arc or mellow out or something later on? Idk I'd like to know why the guy who told Deku to kill himself and bullied him and others has so much love.

y’know, the mangaka himself, horikoshi, once said in an interview he’s actually surprised at how much people ended up loving bakugou, because he was written to be such a horrible, unlikable person. and well, i mean, he is!! but imo, unlikable people can make for some of the most interesting characters in fiction.

first things first, bakugou is a very problematic individual, there’s simply no denying that. he’s loud, obnoxious, aggressive, extremely rude, and yes, he once even told deku to kill himself, which is a truly despicable thing to do. but something that’s very important to understand about all this is that he’s actually very rarely, if ever, praised or rewarded for this disgusting behaviour. his rude outbursts are, more often than not, played for laughs at his expense, his callous actions have cost him on numerous occasions (and it’s happening more as the story progresses), and almost nobody in the class likes him as a person. everybody thinks he’s horrible and unpleasant to be around, and his old friends from middle-school are even shown calling him out shortly after telling deku to kill himself, saying that he went overboard. (as well as deku remarking to himself that it was a very stupid and awful thing to say).

but in spite of all his terrible, negative traits, this boy is also really strong, and smart as hell. he’s got the 3rd highest grades in the whole class, meaning he’s serious about his school work, and he’s unshakably committed to his goal of becoming the strongest hero, and he’s got the strength, fighting skill, and drive to back it all up. he’s constantly trying his absolute best, and while his UA classmates all think he’s a complete asshole, they DO respect his strength, his keen intellect, his skill for tactics and battle, his passion for victory, and it actually inspires them to get them fired up, wanting to do the best that they can do as well, whether they like him as a person or not.

in answer to your question, i think one of the biggest factors playing into the fans love of his character is his backstory. he doesn’t have your typical tragic backstory that an angry, aggressive character of his archetype usually has. there’s no dark, traumatic past. no villains killed his family or anything like that. 

basically, bakugou is mentally ill.

katsuki bakugou was a gifted child who was told constantly from a young age that his quirk was amazing, that he was amazing, and he grew up believing it, believing he was better than others, and it warped him. he grew into a self obsessed, cruel, obnoxious child with a superiority complex, believing himself to be the best and that everyone else around him was just trash. his ego, so twistedly convinced of his own ability and superiority, he detested the idea of ever needing help from anybody, which fed strongly into his hatred and, yes, fear of deku, the only person in his life who ever treated him differently.

“you looked like you were asking for help”

and then he eventually enrolled at UA, and the little world he’d been living in finally came crashing down around him as he was sucker punched with the reality that this whole time he was really just a big fish in a small pond, and his superiority complex began to violently twist into an extreme inferiority complex. the rug had been pulled out from his feet and he was now surrounded by people who were just as capable as him, if not more so, and who, rather than worshipping him as the coolest kid with the coolest quirk, actually thought he was a kind of a douche.

not to mention deku, who he believed to be quirkless and the one person he hated the most, suddenly had a powerful quirk as well, and was now able to compete with and even surpass him in ways he never imagined. had deku been playing him for a fool this whole time??

all this clashed very harshly with everything he had come to believe in so strongly, and, understandably, caused him a lot of extreme confusion, anxiety, resentment, and most notably… Anger. his whole life has turned upside down and he has no idea how to handle it. so, being the person he is, the person his life up until this point had nurtured him into becoming, his natural instinct is now to blindly act out very… (excuse the pun)… Explosively.

he figuratively (and sometimes literally) blasts away anything and everything that doesnt agree with his perceived image of how things should be. he’s spent his whole life believing he was the best so FUCK IT, now he’s GOING TO BE THE GOD DAMN BEST!! his classmates dont like him/make fun of him/think he’s a dickhead?? WHATEVER, SHUT UP YOU DAMN NERDS!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYWAY!! deku, the useless, annoying kid from his childhood is now standing in the way of his goal of being number one?? DEKU YOU DAMN NERD, I WILL DESTROY YOU!!

but… what has this aggressive and anti-social attitude actually achieved for him so far?? honestly, very little… in fact, this behaviour has been doing him a lot more harm than good in the long run, not just professionally, but for his own safety, and his mental health too. (i’d absolutely go into a lot more detail here but you mentioned you’re not up to date so i don’t want to spoil too much)

some people might say this all just sounds like an spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum, and i guess on some level, that’s probably true. but in my opinion, the bottom line is it’s not his fault. taking something all might says about him in chapter 121 and expanding on it slightly, i believe bakugou ultimately ended up the way he did through the failure of his upbringing. the failure of the adults in his life. if he hadnt been told so continuously from a young age that he was amazing, and then left unchecked for so long, if maybe people were more firm with him about his behaviour from a young age, perhaps he may not have grown into such an angry, messed up person.

but in spite of all of this, as i mentioned earlier, this boy ain’t dumb. he’s smart as hell. it’s taking him a long time to realise it, blinded as he is by all his confusing emotions, and it’s taking him a long time to work through his issues and do anything about it, but he is changing. slowly. slowly, but believably.

bakugou, in my personal opinion, is one of the most interestingly written characters in the series, and it’s been very fascinating and rewarding to watch his gradual development over the course of the story so far. he certainly hasnt done a 180 or anything, he’s still a very loud and very angry boy, but he’s slowly beginning to change in a number of subtle, nuanced ways. bakugou now is remarkably different than bakugou as you see him in chapter 1.

one last thing to consider, is how relatively early we are in the story compared to the grand scheme of things. i believe i heard somewhere that horikoshi once said a while back that the story was roughly 20% done, which lead people to project the manga would run for approximately 500+ chapters, at least, and we’re only at 146 now at the time of this writing. 

bakugou is the 2nd most important character in the story after deku, the protagonist. so much of their development is built around each other, and it wouldnt make sense, narratively or realistically, for a character like bakugou, the way he is and his overall importance to both the story and dekus own development, to change too much in too short amount of time. a character arc like bakugou’s is one that will be played out slowly, but surely, and most importantly, satisfyingly. he will change. little by little. he is changing. he has changed already, and he will continue to change.

sorry this got really long, i just really like bakugou. i understand where some people are coming from when they say they don’t like him. that’s completely fair, liking a character is completely subjective, especially a character as prickly as bakugou is. but i just hope those people know he’s more than what he seems.

A Lesson in Love (The End)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,898

A/N: This is it, y’all. We’ve finally reached the final part of the series and, because I’m a sentimental son of a gun, I’ll post a proper goodbye post to this story sometime in the next day or two.

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - Without you, there would be no ALiL. I can’t thank you enough for you endless support.

Originally posted by caps-bucky

You wake up early the next morning, eyes blinking wearily as you struggle to free yourself from the last remaining tendrils of slumber. It’s not a simple task, mostly because you’re still exhausted and all you want to do is fall go back to sleep.

But you can’t. Something woke you up and you need to figure out what it was.

As you begin to come to, so do your senses. A quick sweep around your surroundings lets you know that you’re not in your apartment and the feeling of someone wrapped around you is the only clue you need to figure out that you’re not alone. You turn your head slightly, nose catching the scent of antibacterial soap - a smell that your brain immediately connects to doctors and hospitals.

Hospitals.

The last bit of confusion about your current location fades away as your brain catches up with your senses. You’re with Bucky.

Keep reading

“What A Ride” A. Andrews x Reader imagine

WARNING(S)  Okay I have only one thing to say… don’t drive and get’s fingered by your boyfriend at the same time! Reference of fingering. / not edited \

IMAGINE ABOUT: When you and your boi go on a interesting ride. 

Archie reached across the table and laced the fingers on our right hand together, igniting that familiar warmth. A half-smile bloomed on Achie’s lips as he glanced at my neck for a moment before he glanced at my neck for a moment before meeting my gaze. He did that a lot–stared at the hickey he gave me. And every time he did, this look would flash in his eyes just for a second, like he was overwhelmed with what it meant. 

“Have I ever told you just how much I like you?” 

My own lips tugged upwards. “Not nearly enogh.” 

He lifted our intertwined hands and pressed a kiss against my fingers, turning the flame that sizzled between us into a forest fire which burned pleasantly alond my veins. “I really, really like you, Y/N. Like, a lot.” 

“You’re not so bad yourself.” 

Archie chuckled, his dimple teasing me. “Your pride’s going tto end up killing you one day.” 

I stuck my tongue out in response. And then. “Are you finished your milkshake? Or do you want to sit here all day and discuss more of your deepest, darkest secrets? The lunch menu did look pretty tempting…” 

Every day this week we had gone out for either breakfast, lunch or dinner, but never two in one. Archie would stroll into whatever room or class I was in all casual, and tell me to get ready, or tell me we were leaving. It had become a thing. Having lunch here would definitely break some kind of rule, and I personally liked the little routine we had going. 

“Definitely finished.” 

After paying the bill, Archnie and I exited the dinner and climbed inside his car. It wasn’t until we were ten minutes into the ride, singing along to the radio that I noticed we weren’t taking the usual route home. 

“Where are we going?” I asked. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the line,” Archie replied, grinning. 

“Yeah, well, I’m free styling,” I dead-panned, turning down the radio. “And you’re deflecting.” 

He chuckled. “We’re going nowhere, babe.” 

Archie,” I groaned 

Y/N,” he mimicked 

“Come on, for all I know you could be taking me to a slaughterhouse where I finally meet my end.” 

The sound of Archie’s laughter filled the car. “A slaughterhouse? Seriously, where do you came up with this stuff? I’m going to start writting them down.” 

“Okay, so maybe I watch a lot of horror movies. Sue me.” 

“Yeah, don’t I know it.” 

Okay, and perhaps I had talked Archie into watching one or two horror movies with me, and it was very possible the he wasn’t the biggest fan of the genre. But in my defence, Veronica had forced Titanic on Betty and I three times in one week, and I fugured it was as good a way as any to replace the heartbreaking imagine of Leonardo DiCaprio sinking at the bottom of the ocea. 

There was totally enogh space on that door, contrary to Betty’s beliefs. 

“I take that a s no, then?” I said

Archie rolled his eyes. “You’re relentless. We relly are going nowhere, Y/N. I just feel like driving arond for a while.” 

“And why’s that?” I asked, not buying it. 

“Because I want you all to myself for a little longer before we have to go back home when privacy is a luxury the universe clearly doesn’t think we deserve.” 

Oh. 

A small smile toyed on the end of my mouth. “Okay,” I said, just like that. “You win. But if we’re just going to be driving around—” 

“No.” 

My mouth fell open at Archie’s abrupt interruption. “You don’t even know what I was going to say!” 

He rolled his eyes. “No, you can’t drive my car. Is that better?” 

So maybe I had asked Archie a few dozen times if he would let me drive, and maybe his answer was the same every time. And maybe I had stupidly told him about the incident with mymother’s car back in April. But I hadn’t sat behind the wheel of a car, much less driven one, since I’d got here. And with Riverdale territory, I was craving speed. 

Luckily for me, we reached a red light, so like the evil enchantress I was turning out to me, I leaned over and closer the gap between Archie and I. Resting one hand on his thigh, I whispered, “Please?” in his ear. 

Archie cleared his throat. “No.” 

Slowly, I dragged my fingers along the inside of his thigh, causing him o grip the steering wheel that little bit tighter. Then I pressed a kiss against the sensitive spot under his jaw, and when my tongue flicked out, tasting his warm skin, I knew I had him. 

Y/N.” 

“Mmm?” I hummed as I kissed along his neck, feeling his pulse vibrate against me. 

“You’re going to make me crash.” he said breathily, and I realised het the light must have turned green. When my tongue glided across his senstive spot again, Archie surrendered. “Fuck.Okay.” 

Just like that, I pulled away, settling back into my seat. “See, that wasn’t too hard, was it” I said, all casual, as if my pulse wasn’t fluttering out of control ass well. 

I was so going to Hell. 

Archie turned into an empty-one way street and pulled over on the side before pushing his seat as far as it was build to go, taking off his seatbelt and then taking off mine. 

“What are y—” 

Archie efforlessly lifted me from my seat, as if I was a feather, ignoring my surprised squeal. And then he placed me between his muscular thigs, my back pressed against him and his hands holding my waist. Luckily for him, his choice of transport today had been his spacious Range Rover, which had enogh room in the driver’s seat for us both, considering the fact that I was plastered all over him. 

I knew this was too good to be true. 

“Come on, you didn’t really think I was going to let you behind the wheel of my car all by yourself, did you, babe?” Archie said, his deep voice vibrating against me. I could feel his heart beating wildly, a sign that he was still flustered. 

I runed my head and glared at him, but his smut smirk only grew. “I’m not a child, Archie. This is ridiculous,” I huffed. 

“I prefer the term compromise.” And then “Well, what are you waiting for? I thought you wanted to drive.” 

“You’re such an ass.” 

Still, I turned on the ignition and started driving, realising that Archie had purposefully choosen a desolate area where there was only a plethora of trees on both sides of the street. I could go as fast or as slow as I desired, and there was no way we were going to get pulled over for our very illegal seating arrangment. 

I hadn’t really been paying much attention to the fact that I was sitting between Archie’s thigs with my ass and back pressed against him, or to the fact that his delicious scent was clinging to me, or even the fact that I could feel every breath he took. But when his hands moved from my waist to rest on top of my thighs, thanks to the mini denim skirt I was wearing, the realisation hit me like a ton of bricks and it became very hard to concentrate. 

Archie much have noticed my grip tighten on the steering wheel. “What’s wrong?” he asked,, all sweet and casual. 

Guess he was going to be joining me in Hell. 

“Nothing,” I answered, speeding up a little bit. Yes, I thought. This was good. Go faster. 

And then Archie spread my legs apart ever so slightly and pressed a soft kiss under my ear, and everything inside me liquified. Payback was a bitch. 

“What are you doing?” I asked breathily, thankful that there we no cars or pedistrains lurking around because this was deifnition of dangerous, times a thousand. 

Archie’s tongue and teeth glided sensationally across my neck, pausing only to kiss my hickey. “Concentrate on driving Y/N,” he said in a low voice, his fingers trailing like tiny snakes along my thigs, travelling higher and higher. Goosebumps scattered all over my skin. 

“I can’t,” I rasped, leaning further against his solid chest. When I did, I felt that Archie was just as turned on as I was, and I knew then that I was definitely going to wrap this car around a tree. 

“You can,” he whispered, continuing to rain kisess all over my neck and collarbone. When he pushed my skirt up, fingers brushing slowly–painfully fucking–slowly against my lace panties. I all but slammed my foot down on the brake. 

Concentrate on driving, my ass. 

Archie chuckled into my neck, the sound deep and husky, and doing my arousal absolutely no favours. “Park on the side of the street.” 

I had never been so happy to follow one of Archie Andrew’s orders. 

Once I had safely parked, Archie turned me around so that I was stradding him, my skirt now pushed all the way up to my hips. His lips immediately found mine in a surprisingly soft, slow kiss, turning my bones into honey. It was like Archie needed me to know that this was all him– that he was in complete control. 

With our lips fused, I tugged the bottom of Archie’s henley, wanting to feel his skin and muscles in all their glory. We broke away for only a moment as he pulled his shirt over his head, discarding it on the passenger seat. 

Thank God for tinted windows and empty streets. 

And the hell with giving a damn. 

My hands snaked across Archie’s chest–across his heart– over his broad shoulders and rested on his muscular back. When his hand went in between my legs and his fingertip instantly found the right spot, stroking slowly and gently, everything inside me imploded wonderfully. 

Archie..” I moaned his name like my favourite prayer, titling my head back in pleasure. 

“Look at me,” Archie said, his deep voice coated in desire. 

I did as told, meeting Archie’s beautiful eyes, and then I felt the urge to kiss the life out of him. His mouth curled upwards in a half-smirk and then his finger slipped inside me, causing me to cry out in euphoria. 

Oh, my God.” 

“That’s not my name,” Archie said and I cold hear the wolfish grin in his voice as his fingers continued to caress and explore, sending a series of tremors down my entire body. Then he slipped another finger inside me and my nails clawed at his back, cluthing on for a dear life whilst his touch incinerated me. 

“Open your eyes, love.” 

I menaged to shake my head in response, unable to do anything other than gasp and moan waiting agonisingly for my release. This was pure heaven. 

Archie used his other hand— the one that wasn’t totally destroying all my self-control– to gently pull my chin towards him so he could kiss me, and another tsunami of delight crashed oover me. “Please?” he asked softly, lips gazing mine. 

My eyes fluttered open but they were hooded and I was so damn close to my release, I could feel the anticipation spreading all through my limbs. My nerves crackled and sputtered like sparklers before electicity surged through every atom in my body. 

“You’re the prettiest fucking person I’ve ever seen,” Archie rasped, his expression one of awe and appreciation. 

And then he finally granted me my release, and I exploded like a supernova, inadvertently dragging my nails alond Archie’s spine and digging then into his lower back as I cried out in pure, unadulterated exstasy. My lungs felt positively destroyed and I was sure my ribcage was going to shatter and splinter my organs, the sensation was that intense. I was left panting and most likely sweating as I leaned my head against Archie’s shoulder. 

Holy fucking shit. Archie Andrews was a goddamn wizard. 

I felt Archie raise his hand to his mouth and I knew, without even looking, that he was licking his fingers tasting me. “Perfect,” he mumbled. Then he pressed a kiss into my hair and let his hands go under my t-shirt, resting his palms on my lower back. I wrapped my arms around his neck: sitting like this, it felt something close to home.

“Sorry about your back. Think I drew blood,” I mumbled into his warm skin, though I had a suspicion that he actually liked it when I clawed his back. 

I felt his laugh before I head it. “It’s okay. Sorry in advance about your sore throat,” he teased. It was his fault for being so damnn good with his hands/ 

I lifted my head from his shoulder to stick my tongue out but stopped short when I was the look of absolute, unwavering devotion in his eyes, and the lazy smile on his face. He was the picture of serenity. So, instead, I kissed his chest, then his collarbone, his neck and then his jaw, which I felt clench. 

“Y/N,” Archie said. “I really, really don’t want our first time to be in a car.” 

I smiled and pressed a final kiss against his cheek before looking at him. 

“That’s good,” I replied. Neither did I. 

“I’m not a saint, though.” 

This time I laughed. “No shit?” 

“You’re terrible,” Archie responded. “And I’m being serious. Any self-control I had left is hanging by a thread. 

“If I’m not mistaken, you were the one who hive me a nuclear orgasm. I was merely an innocent bystander.” 

Archie grinned, dimples and all. “Nuclear, huh?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.” 

He chuckled. “Y/N Y/L/N, if I didn’t know you any better I’d say I just rocked your world. And it’s barely even midday.: 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Next time. I’ll do the honours.” 

Archie shook his head and looked up, like he was hoping the roof would open and then the sky would split in half and God would hand him some of that self-control he wanted to bad. “Our first time is not going to be in a car,” he told himself. 

I tried not to laugh. “You said that already,” 

“It’s not,” he insisted, and then groaned when I kissed the senstive spot under his jaw. Purgatory was completely out in the question for me. 

“What were you saying again?” 

And then In a flash, I was off Archie’s lap and sitting in the passenger seat, and he was wearing his henley again. I was laghing so hard whilst I put on my seatbelt. I thought I was going to run out of the little oxygen I had left in my lungs. 

“You,” Archie sad, out of breath, as he turned the car on, “Babe, are you sorceress.” 

“Pot. Kettle. Black.” 

“I didn’t remember you complaning.” 

This time I did stuck my tongue out. 

Archie just laughed. “Best breakfast ever.” 



I really, really hope you like it!



@sunshine51879 @isntskatesatan @dempsey-mantle @jellybeanjoncs @sweetvengeancee @archie-puppydogeyes-andrews @soninetynine @arkhamasylumpatient-blog1 @little-weirdo-13 @lusfulskam @amyyleblanc1999 @killjoyloki @annoyingsibling @voidobsession @krazyk99 @kamriii

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Character: Min Yoongi x reader (oc)

Genre/words: Angst, Implied/light Smut, Arranged Marriage! AU / 14,964 words

Summary: He is the successor of his family’s business empire, and you are the female heir of yours. After the trouble his older brother had created in the past, he now must face certain requirements needed for the sake of the family’s future and to save his rights of inheritance, and you become his only way out. Everything might seem so simple, just the way they are supposed to. But everything isn’t always what it seems, is it?


Keep reading

A quick Clexa AU fic list as requested by anon

This is rather chaotic as I’ve put it together real quick and I’ve plenty favorites - I might add more as I remember or as I go through my reading (some are finished, some are on-going). For now though …

Keep reading

Unlike Him

With your brother Archie and dad out of the house, you invite over Jughead. Quickly you let out your feelings for him, which leads to sex. But afterwards it seems that Jughead had changed his mind. In the following weeks you realize something, something that may change both of your lives.

Part 2

Part 3

Warning: Smut

This is my first Riverdale imagine. Sorry if it’s bad I haven’t written in a long time. Let me know if you guys like it and if you want a part 2!

______________________________________________________________

With the recent murders in my hometown of Riverdale I felt uncomfortable as I tried falling asleep with my brother, Archie, and dad gone, visiting my mom in Chicago (a trip with I happily opted out of).  So I called the only person I knew who would make me feel safe.

  Soon enough I heard a knock on the front door. Running down stairs, I opened up the door to Jughead. Pulling him into a hug, I thanked him for coming. We made our way up to my bedroom, both laying down on the bed, turning on the TV, to see what was on.

    After a while of trying to find something good on TV, I moved from my position with my head on Jugheads chest to siting up.

  “I am so bored,” I whined to him. “There is nothing on this stupid TV and there’s nothing to do.”

Jughead laughed, “Of course there isn’t, it’s 1 am.”

With that I let out a sigh, dramatically falling onto Jugheads, still laying body.  Finally an idea came to me. This might just be the perfect time to make my move. The move where I finally let Jughead know I’ve had a crush on him since the 3rd grade, when he told me I could play with Archie and him, even though Archie tried kicking me out… my knight in shining armor.  I tried getting over it, I really did. He was my brother’s best friend, and a matter of fact my best friend too, I couldn’t ruin I and make everything awkward. I made myself do all the things to try to get as far away from him as possible; I even went as far as to join the River Vixens Freshman year. But I guess it was hopeless. I could barely keep my eyes off him tonight, due to his shirtless body, his excuse being that it was “too hot”.  I just wanted to pounce.  

  I finally realized Jughead had been trying to get my attention, but I had just been staring of into space. Well I needed to tell him, I decided. However, I had my fingers crossed that he felt the same way.  

Still on top of him, I sat up, making it so that I was straddling him, then I began to speak, “Jughead, I, uh, I need to tell you something. Just let me talk and then you can tell me how you feel. I- I’ve been in love you since the 3rd grade. I’ve tried to push these feelings down, I really have, but I just can’t. I just couldn’t keep this from you any longer. I completely understand if you don’t feel that way. Just tell me and I’ll never mention it to you again. I-,” suddenly you were cut off.

Jughead had leaned up and kissed me. I basked in the feeling of his warm lips on mine, however it did not last as long as I would have liked.

“That’s a yes, I like you too,” he responded.

Smiling we kissed again, with Jughead suddenly flipping us over, making it so he was on top.  After that he put his hands on my waist, slowly raising them under my shirt, as mine made their way to his neck. Our kiss became more intense, our lips battling one another over dominance, but I already knew it was a losing battle. His lips slowing moved to my neck, sucking on it, leaving what I am sure would be clearly visible hickeys. Once he reached a certain spot, I couldn’t hold in the noises anymore, letting out a moan. I could feel Jughead smirking against my skin, and it seemed my noises pushed him further and he quickly, separated himself to take my shirt off, thankfully he was already shirtless.

As we began to kiss again, I realized that even though this was slightly awkward, Jughead clearly knew what he was doing and ourbodys seemed to fit perfectly together. I could feel his hard on against your leg growing, which just made me want him more, causing to begin to grind up into him, causing him to let a barely there moan. Quickly he began to take off my bra, and move his lips down to my nipples. He focus on sucking the right when, as his hand moved to the other. He made quick work of going back and forth until finally he seemed to have enough. Separating himself from me he began to talk of my pants, and I started to undo his belt buckle. He made quick work of my pants, standing up and pulling the all the way off my legs, along with my panties. Quickly doing the same to his jeans and boxers afterwards.

  Lying back on top of me, he began to kiss me again. Slowly his hands worked their way down my body. Once he reached my core he looked up into my eyes checking to see if I was okay with this. I quickly nodded; I was dying to feel something. Slowly he began to put one, then two in, moving the slowly in and out. I could tell he was teasing me, from the smug grin on his face, listening to my desperate moans.

Finally having enough of his teasing I begged him, “Please, faster.”

  Thankfully, having mercy on me he began to speed up. Keeping up the pace, I started getting close to my orgasm, but suddenly he stop. Despite my anger of not being allowed to cum, I knew what he was going to do which made it all better.

  Jughead looked up at me, while he lined himself up to my core and slowly began to push in. God, was he big, I wasn’t a virgin, but I had definitely never been with a guy who had as much as he did, causing it to slightly hurt as he pushed himself in. I grabbed onto his biceps, digging crevices with my nails as he finally was all the way in. After a second he slowly began moving in and out, creating a natural rhythm.

I could see he was restraining himself from going as fast as he wanted to, just so he could make sure I was comfortable first, “It’s ok, you can go faster.”

After my words he became ramping up his pace. As he began to hit just the spot I cried out, moving my hands to his scratch his back. He clearly got the message, he just that place as fast and hard as he could. He wanted to make sure I came before he did, so he moved his hand down to by clit, quickly rubbing it.

Before I knew it I was there, moaning out his name. A seconds after I came, he also did too.  As he pulled out, he rolled off, pulling me into his arms. It was already late, and with such a workout, we both quickly feel asleep.

I awoke to Jughead, getting out of bed and beginning to get dressed. I looked at my clock seeing that it was only 4 am, I wondered where he was going.

Sitting up I asked, “Leaving so soon, where are you going? It’s still dark out.”

  I seemed to have surprised him and he quickly turned to me, with a look on his face I couldn’t quite make out.

“I, um, I need to leave. Us… This was a mistake, it never should have happened. I’m sorry,” he quickly spoke, trying to avoid looking in my eyes.

Tears started coming to my eyes. How could he say that? I thought he felt the same way. This was Jughead, were talking about, he wasn’t one ot say something then take it back.

“Th-that’s not true. You said you liked me too,” I began.

“Yes it is, I completely regret this happening. Now I have to go. I’ll see you at school or something” he said and with that he was out the door.

How could this happen? I quickly called the only 2 people I could think of.

Soon enough Betty and Veronica arrived. I quickly told them what had happened through my tears. Veronica, being who she is threatened to make him regret every being born, making me laugh. For the rest of that night that was there goal, making me laugh and realize I am better without him.

At lunch a few weeks later, Veronica, Betty, Kevin, and me were all sitting outside the school at our usually picnic table. We had been talking about boys again. So of course Jughead came up. We were all still baffled by the fact that he acted the way he did.

“Well at least he wore a condom, so you can’t have his evil demon spawn,” Kevin said trying to lighten to mood.

Everyone burst out laughing, except for me. He did wear a condom… didn’t he?  I tried thinking back to that night. I quickly realized that I had no condoms, in my room and unless Jughead was just carrying one around with him, it meant that he hadn’t worn one. As soon as that realization came to me, I quickly sat up beginning to sprint into the school, running past both my brother and Jughead, who were headed to the table.

At the table everyone looked around, with Kevin saying, “I thought it was funny, I wasn’t trying to hurt her feeling.”

Quickly the two girls thought about it and realized there was a reason I was running, and it wasn’t because Kevin hurt my feeling. Suddenly they jumped up too, running after me.

 _____________________________________________________________

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its-the-tenerife-sea  asked:

Hello! I have an idea for the ficlet (feel better btw!). Okay: HS AU with popular!Dean and popular!Cas, they're those two annoying guys who make funny (but also obnoxious) comments in every single class, and make stupid, flirtatious remarks to each other like "Cas looks pretty hot today guys" or "I'm totally dating Dean, everyone" etc. Only thing is, they're secretly in love, but neither will admit it. I've had this idea for a while and I'd LOVE for a talented author to execute it.

Aaaahhh it’s been too long since I’ve done a High School AU and I’ve missed it. Thanks for this one and thanks so much for asking me to fufill the prompt! I hope I do it justice :)

AO3

“Please take your seats quickly. I want to discuss your quiz scores so we can go over any questions you may have before the final test.” Ms. Mills said with a stack of papers clutched against her chest.

Dean stretched his arms above his head as he flopped into his usual seat on the third row, next to the wall so he could lean up against it in times of extreme laziness. He sprawled out accordingly, dropping his backpack to the floor and draping his letterman jacket over his seat until the air conditioning kicked in during the middle of class like it usually did.

“Hey, hot stuff.” Dean said with a nod as Castiel sat down in the seat next to him.

“Good morning, Dean.” Castiel said, barely looking up as he aligned his binder and world history book neatly on the small desk in front of him.

“How was that student council thingy yesterday?” Dean asked, popping a piece of gum into his mouth.

“Absolutely dreary without your shining personality to brighten all of our days,” Castiel murmured, completely straight-faced.

Dean winked as Ms. Mills began talking again.

“Some of you need to look at your notes from the beginning of the year again,” she said as she began passing back the quizzes. “And some of you need to remember that - if you want full credit on the final test - the answer to ‘What are the seven wonders of the ancient world’ is not ‘Castiel Novak’s Ass’ written seven times.”

She frowned when she got to Dean’s desk, dropping the paper on his desk as the rest of the class laughed.

Dean clicked his tongue and made a finger gun at Castiel with another wink.

“Really, Dean? Don’t be childish.” Castiel said, just loud enough for everyone to hear. “We all know that’s not true. I haven’t done any squats in at least a month.”

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Before I Loved You || Peter Parker x Reader [Part 1]

Request: “Reader has been friends with Peter since before his parents died, making them childhood friends. She’s loved him for as long as she can remember and has always been there for him through thick and thin. But he starts to become distant with the whole hero thing, making her feel like she isn’t worth it anymore to him. After she sees him and Liz kiss at homecoming, she moves on to date someone but doesn’t realize Peter was actually going to tell her his secrets and ask her out.” -By Tumblr Anon

Title: Before I Loved You
Pairing: Peter Parker x (f)Reader!
Word Count: 2k+
Warning: Fluff, language, shy-stammering/blushing Peter Parker. Slight se.xual situations/dialogue. Angst? Future Homecoming Spoilers.
A/N: Reposting/Plagiarizing is not appreciated, reblog is fine. Wow I posted finally~ I really hope it came out I didn’t edit this one much. Thank you for reading ♡

This may become a 3-4 part series because it is pretty long, and I don’t usually go over 3k words with oneshots.


The day you and Peter met, all started down by the lazy river at the waterpark; a school field trip provided by Midtowns elementary and middle schools. He was the first to come up to you complimenting your Captain America hat, which lead onto a fangirling conversation between you.

“She your little girlfriend now? Look at this~ Puny Parker’s got a girlfriend!” Your moment was ruined though, of course, when some older kid came from behind Peter, just pushing him around, then flicking your hat off into the water“That’s enough!

When you had, had enough you pushed them into the pools river, satisfied they couldn’t get out because of the pools flow. After that, you had offered Peter your favorite gummy eraser of Iron Man to help cheer him up. And from then on, the two of you became good friends.


During the Stark Expo, you had gone with Peter and his parents. But everyone got separated when it ended up in crisis. Much to your surprise, when you had finally found Peter, he stood in front of one of the killer robots with the biggest toothy grin you had ever seen on him. Peter had told you he saw Iron Man, and of course you believed him.

“I stuck out my hand towards the robot?! And then it started pointing its gun at me, then out of nowhere, Iron Man takes it down from behind me! A-and, I was like Woahhhh! And then, then he was like… “Nice work kid.” That’s what he told me, Y/N, it was the coolest thing ever!”


You were Peter’s first kiss, and him yours. It was an accident of course. But when you two were in your last years of middle school, you had gone to a pool party, and the two of you were splashing waves at the other, just having a good time until he decided to try and impress you by jumping off the tall diving board… But ended up doing the world’s worst belly flop.

When he never came up you panicked and swam towards him while everyone laughed, only for him to pull you under. You guys laughed underwater until someone pushed your heads together purposely, making you share your first kiss. And that’s when you knew, you always loved him.

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Get to know meeeeee:):):)):):):):)

Send me a number and I’ll answer the question👌🏻😊

1. What do you look like?

2. Who is your best friend and what do they look like?

3. What is your favourite colour?

4. Where are you from?

5. Do you have other social media sights?

6. Tell us something that no one else knows about yourself

7. What is your favourite subject at school?

8. Who is your role model in life?

9. How would you describe yourself?

10. Give a list of books you have read.

11. Give a list of books which you plan to read.

12. What is your family like?

13. Do you have a big family?

14. What do you want to be when your older?

15. What do you want to accomplish in life?

16. Do you have a fetish?

17. What kind of people are you attracted to?

18. Who are your favourite bands/singers?

19. What is the weirdest scar you have and how did you get it?

20. Do you believe in ghosts?

21. Shark diving, bungee jumping, or sky diving?

22. Do you have a sweet tooth or a savory tooth?

23. What accomplishments are you most proud of?

24. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

25. Tell me about the best vacation you’ve ever taken

26. Gin, vodka, or tequila?

27. What drives you to do what you do? What motivates you?

28. In your opinion, what is the best Disney movie to come out since Disney’s Golden Age?

29. Who is a character from a TV show or a book that you’ve always resonated with?

30. Which celebrities would you rate as perfect ten’s?

31. What quote or saying do people spout but is complete BS?

32. What is the dumbest way you’ve been injured?

33. What would your perfect Saturday be like?

34. What do most people think about you that is absolutely not true?

35. Is it okay to sacrifice one life to save ten? If you said yes, would you change answer if the one life was a friend’s life and the ten were strangers? If no, why not?

36. What should they teach in high school but don’t?

37. Who would you most like to sit next to on a 10 hour flight and why?

38. You have $100 to burn, all your friends are busy and you have the whole day to yourself, what do you do?

39. What inscription do you want on your gravestone?

40. What is something that can’t be taught and can only be learned with age?

41. If you could live your life again knowing what you do now, what would you change?

42. How much do you know about the world outside your country?

43. What is a cause that is worth dedicating your life to?

44. What should parents stop teaching their children?

45. Do you think that humans as a species have gotten better through the generations or worse? Why?

46. What or who would you sacrifice your life for?

47. What single event has had the biggest impact on who you are?

48. Do you think the present is better than 50 years ago? Why?

49. Do you think that war is inevitable or can it be ended completely?

50. If science makes it possible to predict which people will be more likely to commit crimes, should the highest risk individuals be jailed or killed before they can commit crimes?


Ask me anything, if you don’t like the sound of any of these then make up your own question to ask me:):):)

✰ * º ❛ more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  if i’m ever murdered i hope they make the chalk outline of my body hot  ’
‘  i hope you end up ok  ’
‘  i’m crying my best  ’
‘  how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit  ’
‘  some kid just skateboarded down my street crying  ’
‘  do you ever get in an “i don’t know” phase in your life. where you literally don’t have a solid answer to anything. you. just. don’t. know.  ’
‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’
‘  which of the three pillars of modern music is your favourite: burnin’ up by the jonas brothers, beautiful soul by jesse mccartney, or lucky by britney spears?  ’
‘  you know my name… and also my story cause i overshare 24/7 tbh  ’
‘  @ all of u that hate mint ice cream: what happened  ’
‘  there is no doubt in my mind i’m really that bitch  ’
‘  after you hit 21, you start forgetting your age cause ain’t nothing else to look forward to, besides sweet death  ’
‘  why am i not currently in the italian countryside with a fruit plate wearing a light linen dress? unacceptable  ’
‘  hands are weird because one of them can do absolutely everything without a problem and the other one can’t even hold a spoon  ’
‘  remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life  ’
‘  what the fuck is a good day  ’
‘  sleeping pattern: ??¿?¿??¿¿¿?¿  ’
‘  is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight?  ’
‘  does anyone else have a resting bitch face™, but kinda enjoys looking intimidating  ’
‘  i’m not like most girls [rips off sunglasses]… i like most girls  ’
‘  time flies when u take a 2hr depression nap in the middle of the day  ’
‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’
‘  u know when ur hairs greasy and it makes u feel so so so bad about urself. and ur entire life. everything is awful bc my hair is greasy  ’
‘  i’m just so glad the word “ugh” was invented  ’
‘  just another day of loving with all my heart and believing in the universe  ’
‘  you know when dogs sit outside with their face turned towards the sun and their eyes closed and they look so relaxed and when you pet them they’re warm that’s how I want to feel always  ’
‘  come into bed and listen to the rain with me  ’
‘  i hope all my girls out here r safe n being loved  ’
‘  people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel,   ’
‘  i want to have angel wings and be kinder, braver and more tender  ’
‘  concept: a really nice italian restaurant but it’s spelled “spagooter” on the menu and the waiters won’t take your order unless you pronounce it like that  ’
‘  i want kids but i’m scared they’ll blame me if they’re ugly  ’
‘  does anyone have any tips for not thinking about it  ’
‘  “what’s a queen without her king?” well, historically, better  ’
‘  i want something that doesn’t taste like alcohol but has a lot of alcohol in it  ’
‘  i’m alive out of spite  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up  ’
‘  a bad person? who, me? that would be correct,  ’
‘  you hate me? wow u think ur hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so u can go grab a number and wait ur turn  ’
‘  my heart does a little “!” when I see you  ’
‘  i just want to say from the bottom of my heart i didn’t sign up for this shit  ’
‘  i deadass lost interest in everything. im just cruising on autopilot rn  ’
‘  still got love for some people i know i’ll never talk to again.  ’
‘  my mitochondria clearly aren’t working because this bitch has NO FUCKING ENERGY  ’
‘  y’all i get attached to people so quickly wth  ’
‘  i wonder how many strangers hate me bc of how someone else described me to them  ’
‘  for the 80th year in a row, the song of the summer is Everytime We Touch by Cascada  ’
‘  it’s weird to think that people who are 5 ft are only 5 subways long ’
‘  in alcohol’s defense i’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too  ’
‘  man this has been the worst life of my life  ’
‘  having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch  ’
‘  I Have To Be Dramatic. I Have To  ’
‘  forgive and forget?? haha no resent and remember  ’
‘  “you’re obsessed with yourself” and you’re not??? sad. tragic  ’
‘  are people becoming more annoying or am i becoming more angry  ’
‘  do my dark under eye circles and unwashed hair turn you on  ’
‘  KIDS REACT TO existentialism and the inevitability of death  ’
‘  remember to do your best to be positive with a clear mind and believe in aliens because those motherfuckers are real  ’
‘  personality: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK  ’
‘  my gender is “pretty boy”  ’
‘  what others call a rebellious phase i call the sudden realization i don’t deserve to be treated like garbage  ’
‘  what is a sex drive? where is the sex going? does it even have a license?  ’
‘  i don’t want to look “pretty” i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening  ’
‘  i’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual  ’
‘  do re me fa so done with you  ’
‘  ctrl alt delete feelings cause i can’t do this shit no more  ’
‘  i may seem like an asshole, but deep down i’m a good person and even deeper down i’m a bigger asshole  ’
‘  should i go back to school tomorrow or should i fling myself into the ocean  ’
‘  am i too judgemental or is everyone annoying: an autobiography by me  ’
‘  are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch  ’
‘  i love drunk me but i don’t trust her  ’
‘  has anyones crush ever actually worked out for them or is that a myth?  ’
‘  i say “fight me” a lot for a girl who is 5′3″ and has a hard time opening some doors because they’re too heavy  ’
‘  if i had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly i’d have 0 dollars bitch u thought lmao  ’
‘  my last words will probably be sarcastic  ’
‘  i used to be a straight a student. now i’m not even straight  ’
‘  ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened  ’
‘  single and ready to find aliens  ’
‘  it’s very important that i am both cute and powerful  ’
‘  i want to make friends but at the same time no  ’
‘  there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me, it’s called the throne  ’
‘  hi i’m here to ruin everything  ’
‘  i’m glad dogs can’t read the ‘no dogs allowed’ signs so they don’t feel sad and feel left out  ’
‘  we’re all better and gayer people than we used to be  ’
‘  every time i speak i am reminded why i should not  ’
‘  every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough  ’
‘  i don’t know what i’m feeling but there is a lot of it  ’
‘  the rumors are true: i’m soft and i just want to be loved  ’
‘  i’m like a hexagon: all my hecks r gone  ’
‘  we all know that one person you get sexually frustrated just looking at  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on  ’
‘  my kink: not having to set an alarm for the next morning  ’
‘  on the bright side, at least i am not addicted to cocaine  ’
‘  they called me stupid?? well joke’s on them i don’t even know what that means  ’
‘  i might get a lot of shit for saying this but i think it’s fun to enjoy things  ’
‘  i’m the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person i know  ’
‘  assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student id number  ’
‘  there she goes again, being over dramatic and by she, i mean me  ’
‘  if u don’t know how to respond to something just say ‘how dare you’  ’
‘  um that’s u’re* not ur  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on  ’
‘  so sick of looking at my purse and not seeing $20,000  ’
‘  literally want to be rich for the clothes  ’
‘  me??? upset???? yes constantly  ’
‘  a good gender neutral term to use is ‘fool’  ’
‘  today’s schedule: suffer  ’
‘  my middle name is actually $$  ’
‘  don’t u hate it when u wake up and ur awake  ’
‘  i want someone who will light a fire in me  ’
‘  i want someone who will light me on fire  ’
‘  i’m too cute for 90% of the shit i go thru  ’
‘  who needs therapy when you can Realize™ things about yourself alone at 1 am  ’
‘  why is there so much blood in my alcohol system  ’
‘  no offense but i am a blessing to this earth  ’
‘  haha oops i care about you  ’
‘  they call me calcium because i give everyone strong bones  ’
‘  do you have that one person that you can’t look at when you’re trying to be mad at them because they’re so cute??  ’
‘  hi i’m here to ruin everything  ’
‘  one day i’m gonna say ‘fight me!’ and someone’s just gonna fuckin deck me  ’
‘  me? a jealous hoe? absolutely  ’
‘  it’s raining but it’s not men so what’s the point  ’
‘  i think i may be gayer than i originally planned  ’
‘  i can’t hang out tomorrow i’m too busy doing nothing alone sorry  ’
‘  me? overreacting? shit probably  ’
‘  i would like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i’m doing  ’
‘  is there a scholarship for trying  ’
‘  me?? using sarcasm as a defense mechanism??????? what?????  ’
‘  i don’t know what i’m feeling but there is a lot of it  ’
‘  i require a lot of attention or you get a lot of attitude  ’
‘  “what the fuck” is an emotion now and it’s the only one i have  ’
‘  you’re important to me, you piece of shit  ’