yes omg you can't save me

Mama Thinking Alistair Will be the Grey Warden in the Fade in Inquisition
  • Me: Well that might not actually be the case so there's that. I don't know, I haven't played with Alistair as a Grey Warden. And also you haven't killed him yet if it is the case.
  • Mama: *sniff* shitshitshit. I knoooowwwwww but now i KNOOOOoooowwwwww I kill him in the future! I'M A BAD INQUISITOR NOW.
  • Me: Why are you panicking!!?! You didn't kill the Grey Warden last time?
  • Mama: Because he can't die! It'd be like killing Cullen!!!!
  • And yes I did! that person from #2 - wait. But ... no wait.
  • Me: You saved the Grey Warden last time
  • Mama: I did? Who did I send then? that wasn't a gray warden too?!! No. NO IT WAS A HAWKE PERSON WHO VARIC LIKED OMG
  • PHEW. Oh thank fuck. Scared me! Okay. I'm done panicking.
  • Me: But you don't know who the Hawke person is?
  • Mama: Nonono... nevermind... my brain's working again. I know who I killed off. I'm good? I know Varic liked her a lot and I felt REALLY guilty that I chose her and then she was dead or assumed dead and I had to tell Varic. I felt guilty the rest of the week too, by the way.
  • Me: So if Alistair is the Grey Warden you'll get rid of the Hawke person?
  • Mama: Hell yeah! I'll HAVE to! I can't send Alistair to his death! GEEZ. That'd be like killing Fluffy!!! No way man! I might be Irish Catholic but even I wouldn't be able to handle that amount of guilt! The only problem will be that I'll end up killing Varic's friend.
  • Me: Okay! I like how we're not even into game 2 yet and you're making these decisions.
  • Me: *leaves cryptic euphemisms for my mental illnesses in hope that someone works out that I am dying inside all the time*
  • Friend: *genuinely concerned* hey are you okay like you've been a bit off lately? Everything alright?
  • Me: HAHAHA What? Yes! OMG no everything's fine I am swinging in the bosom of life, dining upon youth's sweet nectar... I'm just a lil tired...all the time that's all lol
  • Friend: okay
  • Also me: glad you didn't work it out because I am incapable of dealing with Reality™ but also like how could you not? Do you not care? I just told you the truth, why can't you work it why can't you see I'm burning in hell pls save me
bts texting scenario: why jimin was hiding behind the curtains
  • Why Jimin was hiding behind the curtains... [ texting scenario ]
  • V: Jungkook, have you seen Jimin?
  • Jungkook: No, why?
  • V: I can't find him
  • Jungkook: Weren't you guys together?
  • V: Yeah, but he disappeared after I caught him eating my rice cakes
  • Jungkook: Your what?
  • V: Rice cakes
  • Jungkook: Wow
  • V: I know right, how could Jimin do that to me? My mom sent those rice cakes all the way from Daegu
  • Jungkook: Wow
  • V: I love my mom
  • Jungkook: Hyung
  • V: What?
  • Jungkook: You had rice cakes and you never bothered to share them?
  • V: Uh... I'll talk to you later, I'm going to go find Jimin
  • Jungkook: ...
  • Jimin: JUNGKOOK HELP ME
  • Jungkook: No
  • Jimin: But you don't even know what I was going to say
  • Jungkook: Yes I do, isn't this about V's rice cakes?
  • Jimin: How'd you know?
  • Jungkook: V-hyung texted me earlier
  • Jimin: V'S TRYNA MURDER ME HELP ME NOW
  • Jungkook: Noo handle this one on your own
  • Jimin: JUNGKOOK!
  • Jungkook: You always ask for my help
  • Jimin: I'M SERIOUS HERE
  • Jungkook: You're such a scaredy cat, just tell V you're sorry
  • Jimin: I JUST HEARD HIM COMING THROUGH THE DOOR OMG QUICK COME HERE RIGHT NOW
  • Jungkook: Can't help you today
  • Jimin: YOU ARE SO DEAD BY MY HANDS WHEN I CATCH YOU
  • Jungkook: Yeah right, hyung
  • Jimin: I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T SAVE ME NOW, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN
  • Jungkook: V-hyung sounded really mad, hyung, don't die
  • Jimin: JUNGKOOK WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME, I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVORITE HYUNG
  • Jungkook: V-hyung promised me rice cakes
  • Jimin: YOU TRAITOR
  • Jungkook: ^^
  • Jimin: DAMMIT HE'S HERE OH GOD WHAT DO I DO
  • Jungkook: Hide behind the curtains
  • Jimin: ...
  • In the end, Jimin listened to Jungkook and hid behind the curtains. Taehyung, who was too busy crying over his lost rice cakes, did not find Jimin. Jungkook, who felt slightly sorry he hadn't helped Jimin, gave half of his rice cakes to the older hyung.
  • ~ Jexo
  • Me: You need to help me doc. I just can't get them out of my head.
  • Doctor: omg
  • Me: I know.. Everywhere I go I'm thinking about them. Dancing and singing...dancing half naked and drenched in sweat
  • Doctor: OMG
  • Me: Yes..It's bad. I've bought all their albums. I filled up my phone's storage saving their photos. I learned all the dances and..I couldn't even concentrate at dinner with my family yesterday because all I could think about was this one smut fanfic I read where they all gave eachother-
  • Doctor: OMG Sehun actually has lines
  • Me: ...Wut
  • Doctor:
  • Me:
  • Doctor:
  • Me:
  • Doctor: Oh were you saying something? Sorry Exo's new album just came out and it is just sooooo good and ugh have you seen the new mv cuz I'm like losing my sanity here they all looked so fine and those hip thrusts just fucked me up
  • Me: *muffled screaming*