1. As soon this is over we should definitely make out
2. This is the most stupid plan I’ve ever heard. When do we start?
3. I’m gonna kiss you now
4. Move your ass over here or I’ll drink all the capri sun without you
5. I have to tell you something
6. We should marry
7. What the hell is your problem?
8. I wear heels bigger than your dick so shut up
9. Sorry I blacked out and tried to kill you
10. I’m not drunk enough for this
11. It’s not the same without you
12. ‘Shut up’ 'Make me’
13. 'Okay but do you like like me?’ 'We’re married.’
14. 'You’re never allowed to drink that much coffee again’
15. The chocolate was empty, I had a breakdown, your lamp had to pay for it
16. Please tell me this isn’t true
17. From now on, we do it my way
18. Is it supposed to be blue?
19. Are you crying?
20. Because I’m PREGNANT
21. Stop talking and fucking cuddle with me
22. Don’t forget your coat
23. What the hell happened to you?
24. Does 'not starting to cry while watching a disney movie’ count as a special skill?
25. We had sex and it was so good that I had an asthma attack
26. Did I just really say that out loud?
27. I can’t let you do this.
28. I can’t let you do this alone.
29. Please tell me you haven’t bought another dog
30. Stop calling me princess. I’m a queen.
31. Just don’t leave me now, okay?
32. It’s an elf thing
33. Looks like someone died here
34. You’re under arrest for being too attractive and ruining my life
35. Just say it already
36. Could you please sing for me?
37. I hate you less than I hate everyone else
38. You woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me this?
39. Stop laughing and get that thing off me
40. Are you going to kiss me or will I have to lie to my diary?
41. You look far too beautiful today
42. Wait- you like me?
43. When was the last time you slept?
44. Just do it already
45. Ha, you wish!
46. I had a nightmare
47. He lost his virginity, I lost my bra. Seems like a fair trade off to me.
48. Now that was… nice
49. I owe you
50. For science!
51. Just try not messing it up for once
52. I can’t breathe
53. How was I supposed to know?
54. I can’t live without you
55. Would you just shut up and say yes?
56. Pretend you’re my boy/girlfriend, quick!
57. We should try adding a third person
58. I taught you how to pick locks and this is how you use that skill?
59. Is there some free guacamole in for me?
60. Let’s just pretend that never happened
62. You gave me this nickname that just does things to me
63. Stop being so cute, it’s distracting
64. This is my favourite human. Don’t touch.
65. I can’t stop smiling and it’s your fault
66. I guess I have a problem
67. Are you drunk?
68. It’s time you start calling me babe
69. You’re late.
70. You can cook, I can’t. I guess I’ll have to stick around when I don’t want to starve
71. I live next door and I heard screaming so I came over thinking someone was getting murdered and now we’re both trying to get the spider out of your apartment
72. You’re the closest to family I’ve got
73. Well, we’re about to find out
74. 'Do you believe in aliens?’ 'Go the fuck to sleep’
75. My whole existence is a scandal
76. Just try not setting the kitchen on fire this time
77. I guess my love just wasn’t enough
78. Let’s give it another try
79. When did you become so badass?
80. All I want for Christmas- is you.
81. You came all the way here just to tell me this?
82. The kids wanted me to do it
83. In order not to get imprisoned we have to marry
84. Quick, it’s an emergency! Kiss me!
85. I want to see you again
86. Let me see you one last time
87. You’re the only person I can talk to
88. Help me.
89. Wow I’d sell my soul for this
90. Just the two of us. Against the rest of the world
91. Shouldn’t you be at your wedding right now?
92. You’re too good for me
93. Is this the part where we confess our undying love for each other?
94. Been there, done that
95. You were supposed to arrest me but just couldn’t do it
96. You. Me. Escape Room. Now.
97. No shit Sherlock
98. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous
99. Who did this to you?
100. Well, I guess our only option is to duel
I am a broken brown boy bound together with Ace bandages: I am the confusion of my lopsided face in the mirror as I tug one eye closed: Why are my eyes so crooked? Why is my jaw so round? My chest is flat in my favorite picture. I fold my arms across my stomach and turn my cheek, so no one can tell the difference between me and my
father says I am his first daughter, but I know I am his second son. So my only inheritance is his thick lips and anger outbreaks, and as I write this my right hand types slower, three knuckles splintered apart and scabbing from where I buried them in the wall.
My story does not end in testosterone. My story does not end in phalloplasty. My story does not end with my fingers stitching golden half-moons across my chest. No: My story chugs on in sports bras and muscle shirts, and in Jersey dresses and curly weaves, because if I could just be pretty enough, yes, if I just looked like all of the girls I wanted to sleep with, instead of like their boyfriends…
The last time I slept with a girl, she called me Daddy. I was Champange Papi for breakfast and Sugar for dinner, but I know she never felt full. My muscles did not look like her father’s muscles. I spent my bank account on clothes for her, jewelry for her, red wine for her, and, for me, a hookah pen that filled my mouth with glass and ink. As she pulled glass out of my gums, she said I didn’t need to write anymore.
They say artists speak the truth, but I don’t have any: I can’t write the bible on masculinity or the manifesto of femininity or offer any pointed Platonian platitudes for merging the two; and although Plato pondered whether a female body could contain a male soul my tongue can’t fathom that sticky word. Soul.
I am the awkward masculinity festering at the bottom of a wine glass. One day a man will scrape me out, tie me into a white dress and call me the beautiful mother of his children. And when the Ace bandages fall like ribbons to my blistered feet, I’ll run a hand over my crooked ribs and cringe. And I’ll say to myself when I say to my girlfriends: Don’t you look so beautiful, baby girl? Don’t you just look so beautiful?
I usually got my shower first, then Niall. Occasionally we would get a shower together.
I had laid down, my wet hair sticking to the back of my neck, irritating me. Niall came out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips, and pulled boxers out of the drawer. Not thinking anything of it, I closed my eyes and switched off my lamp on my bedside table. After a minute of him fooling around he came to bed and turned off his lamp. Niall spooned on me, and I could tell that he wasn’t wearing boxers.
“You don’t have any boxers on, do you?”
“Nope. I was horny.”
“C’mon, I’m tired.” I turned over to face him.
“Pleeeeessseee.” He whined. He rolled over and turned on his lamp, light flooding the dark room.
“nia-” He stuck out his bottom lip and gave me the puppy dog eyes.
“Fine.” I sighed, giving into him.
“Yay!” He suddenly went from a five year old to a passionate lover and slammed his lips onto mine. We moved in sync, he slipped off my shorts and sports bra that I usually slept in. Warm fingers slipped into my panties and rubbed my clit in figure eights. I moaned into the kiss when he sped up the pace, he smiled when he realized that he had me. I reached down to his cock, stroking it up and down. He moaned too, but made me move my hands off of him.
“No touching me. This is about you.” He slipped a finger in me, curling and uncurling until he added another, repeating the curling and uncurling until he started pumping. All of this had been done on our sides, so he shifted the weight so he was on top of me, supporting his weight with one arm.
“Niall, I’m close.”
“I know.” He pulled his fingers out and slammed into me, gave me time to adjust, then started thrusting. It wasn’t fast like he normally did, it was slow, passionate. I hit my high within no time, but he kept going.
“Niall.” I moaned, reaching my second high. He started to speed up, going deeper and deeper.
“This time try and hold it until I say so.”
“Okay.” Niall wasn’t the one to moan names, he just made short little grunting noises.
“Mph, mph, mph.” He bit his bottom lip, feeling me tightening around him.
“Niall, I’m gonna-”
“Me too babe, just hold on a second.” He went deeper and faster.
“Ready, 1…2…3” We came at the same time, we yelled out eachothers names as he rode out our high, collapsing next to me.
“Aren’t you glad you did it now?” He smirked at me.
“Of course I am.” I ran my fingers through his sweaty pink hair. We fell asleep in each other’s arms, only to be waken up by Louis stomping through our room the next morning.
“DUDE!” Niall covered me up with the blanket.
“What. I left my wallet here.” He picked up his wallet off of the dresser.
“I don’t give a shit, get the hell out!”
“Oh, by the way. You apparently forgot that we were staying over. At least be quieter next time.”
“Shut up Louis.” I mumbled into Niall’s shoulder.
“Well are you glad that you did it, Y/N?” he said, mocking Niall.
I was sitting on the couch next to Matt, watching some movie
we didn’t know the name of in the living room. We saw the pictures of us on
twitter already and decided to just ignore social medias for the rest of the
About half way through the movie, he looks over at me and
asks, “Wanna go bowling?”
I giggle and push pause on the remote next to my thigh
before saying, “Are you serious?”
He shrugs and says, “Yeah, let’s go.”
Standing up from the couch, he grabs my hands and walks us to the front door.
We put our shoes on and head out to the parking garage. As
he hands me the keys to his car, I tell him, “This is one of my favorite things
about you, Matt.”
“You’re down for anything. You’re so random and you make decisions out of no
where, you want to make the most out of everything.”
He looks down, blushing a little. He’s so
“I would say my favorite thing about you, but it’s
everything. Even the knots your hair has when you wake up,” he replies while
tilting my head up to look at him, with him being taller than me, and kisses my
lips once delicately.
“I loved your messy hair the most when I was the one to mess
it up,” he laughs before we get in his car.
How does Matt go from
being adorable to sexual in like negative five seconds?
He opens the driver’s door for me to get in, and I turn the
car on. After he gets in the car, we head to the bowling alley.
“I’m so hungry, oh my gosh,” he complains.
I look at him and say, “You just ate Matt,” – I laugh –
“There’ll be nachos or something.”
“I’d rather eat you.”
I look over at him and my jaw drops.
“Oh my fucking- Matthew!” I punch his arm and get nervous
all over again as he places his hand on my thigh.
and a half later-
JACK G’s POV:
The boys and I just got dropped off back at the loft from
the airport, as soon as we get there I run up the stairs, skipping three steps
at a time and dropping my bag off in front of my room door. I go to the next
door over and slam open (Y/N)’s door and half-yell, “(Y/N), what the-“
I discontinue my sentence when I realize she’s not here, and
I hear Johnson tell me from downstairs that Matt isn’t either.
I groan with disappointment and say to myself, “Dammit,
where are you?”
While looking down on the way back out of her room, I see
the promise ring I gave her on her nightstand.
She took it off.
I pick the ring up and I feel my eyes welling up. I blink
hard and push the tears back.
I grab the ring and put it in my pocket and walk back
When coming downstairs, I see the boys sitting on the couch
watching the last five minutes of 10
Things I Hate About You, one of (Y/N)’s favorite movies.
It’s been like a day
and I miss her like crazy.
I go to the fridge to grab a Gatorade, and then head to the
couch to sit next to the boys.
I send a text to Matt:
Me: Where is she? Matt: With me.
When are you guys coming home?
Matt: Dude, she’s
safe. Chill out. I’m not going to let anything happen to her. We’ll be home in
a little bit, we’re getting food right now.
I’m not even going to
bother with replying.
“I guess we can just wait,” I say while letting a breath out
and sitting more comfortable next to all the boys.
I hear keys unlocking the door and Matt and (Y/N) stumble in.
My breath stops and I breathe in, my fists tighten as I feel myself move
quickly to stand up. Sammy pulls me back down to sit and says, “Don’t run over
there. Give them a minute, G. Calm down first.”
I nod and breathe in and out.
I hear their conversation as Nate stands up and puts another
Matt is talking to (Y/N) while setting leftovers on the
(Y/N) lifts herself up on top of the counter to sit.
I look back and watch her kiss his cheek and say, “Thanks
for everything today.”
Matt replies with, “anything cutie.”
That should be me.
I see her hop off the counter and walk towards the stairs
and up to her room I’m assuming.
I stand up and the rest of the boys do too, probably
thinking Matt and I are about to fucking kill each other or something.
I walk over to him and he stops me from going up the stairs
“She had a good day. Don’t fuck it up.”
I roll my eyes and push past him, “ Oh shut the hell up.”
I run up the stairs and barge into her room.
As I come into her room quickly, I hear her yell from her
“What the fuck happened to knocking?”
I respond with, “Why’d you take off the ring?”
She stops in the middle of changing into different clothes and says to me while
only in her bra and underwear, “Because obviously promises have been broken,
so.” She pauses before asking, “How was she last night?” She thinks I had sex with Madison last
night? Oh my god. I literally spent the entire night on a flight to come see
“Do you really think I slept with her again after every-“
She cuts me off mid-sentence, “Yes.”
I look down, shaking my head a little bit, to find boxers
and boy clothes next to the shower.
“How was Matt?”
After putting on one of our large t-shirts, she looks down,
following my eyes to the floor.
She sees the clothes, too. She says, “great,” in a
mono-tone. I see her look down on her sink. She
I walk closer to her, and pull her hand with me to go sit on
She says to me, avoiding eye contact, “So much for the no
I laugh with no emotion, “Right?”
I pull her to face me, and we sit with our legs crossed,
sitting facing each other on her bed.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“You having to deal with all this shit. Madison.. She was a
mistake. I just went to her when I didn’t have you.”
Her eyes are watering up as she looks at me
She begins with saying, “I don’t know why I care so much. I
shouldn’t. I’m the one who left in the first place. But, it’s just when she
whispers those little fucking comments, and normally, I’m the only one who
hears them. It just makes me feel so fucking angry. Or when I see her kiss you
– I see a tear run down her face – it
just makes me never want to even touch you again, and I don’t know why.”
I grab her hand and squeeze it tight, knowing it’s not the
right time to do anything more.
“I will never chose anyone over you. You should have seen me
when you were gone-“
She interrupts me again, “I know, Kian told me at the first
party when I got back. How messed up were you? I mean, I’m nothing special-“
“Don’t ever say that again, (Y/N). You have no idea what you
mean to me, to us. You literally drive us all crazy. We all want you so badly,
how could you not see that?”
“Jack, you don’t-“
“I’m not done talking. You should have seen me, (Y/N). When you
left, that’s when the drugs and girls and alcohol came into the picture. Not
only with me, but with all the boys; I just happened to be the worst. When you
left, we had no control, no one who cared enough. Our parents knew we were out
of high school and done with tours for a bit just left us alone. I was my worst
self without you. I fought everyone in the house, including Matt. ESPECIALLY
Matt because I knew you guys always had a thing for each other. You were always
best friends and I was always in love with you. I bet he is too, I mean, who
I rub my eyes trying to hold back the tears, I haven’t cried
in so long, definitely never in front of (Y/N).
She reaches for my hand again, rubbing her thumb across the
bones of my palm.
“Jack, you’re upsetting yourself, stop. I’m not leaving you
ever again. And about Matt, I’m sorry for not telling you about my first time
and everything. It’s just, I knew I wasn’t going to be your first and-“
“You’d be the first that mattered.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out her promise ring, I slip
it back onto the finger that I originally put it on and tell her. “Don’t take
this off again, okay?”
She nods and asks, “Why?”
I’m holding both of her hands now, “You need to know that I
mean it. When I got you this ring, I promised to never leave you and that I’ll
always love you, no matter what. So when you feel like shit or even want to
bash my head into a wall, just look at the ring and remember that in the end,
you’ll always have me. You’ll always have all of us.”
She barely gets out the words okay and hugs me tighter than
she ever has before, I feel her tears soak into my shirt on my shoulder. I wrap
my arms around her, smelling her light perfume.
When she lets go of me, I ask her.
“While we’re getting things out, have you slept with any of
the other boys? Be honest.”
“No, just you and Matt. I mean, you know everything that happened on my
birthday, but that’s it,” She says with truthful eyes.
She looks confused so I say, “It’s just that I heard the
boys talking about how they wanted to…”
“All of them.”
She tries not to laugh, “Oh.”
“Just tell me when you do, okay? You can always tell me
She nods again, and asks why.
“Just so I know ahead of time before they come and brag
about it.,” I laugh before continuing with, “On the Brightside, we’ll always
know who made you feel the best.”
Speaking of her
She pushes me off the bed and says, “Don’t get cocky,
fuckboy. I can say the same for you.”
We both stand up and leave her room.
Walking to the boys sitting on the couch, they look relieved
to see a smile on both of our faces.
Out of no where, (Y/N) says, “If you guys are done watching
my chick flick, I feel like going in the pool. Wanna join?”
The boys pop up and take off their shirts due to the
I look over at her and tell her I’ll wait for her to change
into her bathing suit.
In the middle of the living room, in front of all of us, she
says to me, “No worries,” and strips down to her white lace bra and underwear.
I know I’m not the
only boy in this room that is close to drooling.
She coughs loudly, bringing us back to reality and says,
She runs out to the back deck and jumps in the pool without
Johnson looks over at me before jumping in and pats my back while
saying, “Someone’s a happy camper.”
I take off my shirt and jump in the pool with the rest of
The sun is going down and all I can think about is how
grateful I am, for all of this, for her. Even if she isn’t mine, I’ll always
have my piece. And I’ll always be all hers.
In the pool, (Y/N) looks over at Nash and Cam and sees
makeup on the side of their face, looking confused.
Nash says embarrassed, “We kinda used your make up yesterday
for the blindfolded make up challenge..”
Cam then says while laughing and pushing his dripping hair
out of his eyes, “We’ll get more for you tomorrow, even if you don’t need it.
Turns out that shit it waterproof though, that’s why it’s still not off
completely,” he rubs his cheek trying to get the leftover off.
We all start laughing and realizing that things are normal,
things are good for once.
The night gets darker and soon after, (Y/N) rushes out of
the pool and says she has to use the bathroom. After a few minutes of her being
gone, I get up and go to make sure she is okay.
“(Y/N), where are you?”
She comes from behind the stairs, a hidden spot.
I follow her, and realize that she found the extra room.
“What is this?”
“(Y/N), you really don’t want to know.”
“Jack, tell me everything.”
I pause for a second before replying, “Remember what I said