yes i really am going to do this

I’ve noticed this revisionist Greek myth is common wherein Persephone loves Hades and eats the pomegranate seeds in order to evade her overbearing mother, and that’s all well and good. You know, sometimes I’m in the mood for it and sometimes I’m not. But hear this: as long as we’re doing this, why is no one wondering whether Aphrodite might really love Hephaestus? 

Think about it. All the gods in their immortal splendor are lining up to marry her, doing everything in their power to impress her, the goddess of love and beauty, and she choses…that guy. A god in technical terms only, a social reject who’s ugly and malformed and um, no fun. Always slaving away in his workshop when everyone else is quaffing nectar and having their eternal beach party up on Mount Olympus. They can’t believe she’d give up all of them for that. 

So, because the gods do not take rejection well (looking at you Apollo), eventually they start to say to each other, well, we all know Zeus made her do it anyway. He’s gotta feel guilty for throwing Hephaestus off Mount Olympus that one time. And it quickly becomes that poor girl, stuck in that workshop full of sweat and dirt and cyclopses when she could have had one of us. Because of course they’ve got love all figured out; it’s entirely technical and dependent on who’s the most charming and good-looking and not at all variable and strange and notoriously unpredictable, right?

Meanwhile Ares, only the most arrogant and brainless of the crew, can’t take a hint and is still showing up wherever Aphrodite goes trying to hit on her, so eventually she and Hephaestus decide to rig up an elaborate mechanical trap for him, using her as bait. When all the gods have laughed at him for getting caught he huffily attempts to regain his dignity by telling them, whatever, guys, you want to know the truth, I was meeting her for an assignation. And they all kind of know he’s full of it but they just accept it as the unvarnished truth from thereon in, because they’d love to believe she’d cheat on Hephaestus with Ares. They’d love it. Come on, Aphrodite, get off your high horse and admit you’re just as shallow as the rest of us. 

So they talk, but Aphrodite doesn’t really care about their collective jealousy because she dotes on her misshapen genius of a husband with his sooty hands and his sweaty brow who always takes her seriously and is always so hard at work inventing astonishing new things to make her happy, and she loves the volcano they live in with its internal pressures so conducive to the formation of precious stones and its passages lit with glowing lava that so gorgeously offsets her cheekbones, and all the cyclopses worship her because even with one eye apiece they’ve still got more depth perception than most men do where she’s concerned. True it is that as a couple the two develop a reputation for not getting out much, because all those Olympian parties bore them to death and they’d rather spend time with each other (poor Aphrodite, she’s such a vivacious young thing and her husband is so grasping and insecure that he won’t let her go out and have fun), but they do all right. 

2

Why I do this Seven is treating Yoosung to a gaming convention for his birthday…on one condition XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOOSUNGIE~ I’M SORRY YA GOTTA BE LIKE THIS I’M NOT SORRY. YOU LOOK GOOD. TRUST ME <3

hamilton characters as actual things said in my class

alexander: i’m not gonna do this… yes i am.

laurens: i slammed my head on my keyboard and hit enter and this came up

lafayette: not once, have i!

hercules: what about the kids out there who didn’t do their homework?

eliza: luckily mr. washington saved the day, god love his little soul.

angelica: wakey wakey eggs and math

peggy: i’m gonna go hang myself in the bathtub

washington: this is madness

thomas: i dont think its really your birthday you lie like a rug

madison: i almost said addition, james you dumb fool.

burr: *mumbling to self* tep tep tep tep tep tep

philip: i’m acute-y *dab*

maria: at school i don’t really care but when i go out on the town i get all dressed up

inspired by @dankdotham

#wearethecrankycrew: Community Meetup Event!

Hey everyone, guess what? The crankgameplays community meetup is officially underway!!! :D

And before I get out the info out I just want to say that not only without Ethan this wouldn’t be happening, but all the support you guys brought out to help me with this is so amazing. Thank you all so much!

Alright so I don’t have the biggest plan for this for today but let’s make the most of it while we are all here :)

This is a celebration for not only Ethan closely reaching 300k subscribers (even though it’s most likely happening next week haha whoops..)

But it’s just an all around celebration for this awesome community over here on tumblr! This is going on from Friday through Sunday like I said in my last few posts. I got different things planned for everyone to join in so hope you guys enjoy that!

[[I could go on with this but I got limited time right now unfortunately to actually be here. I’m not disappearing but there’s a chance I will not be available for the next hour or two ;-; I might have to ask for admins to check out the tag so nobody is missed btw.]]

Anyways let’s do this!

So, first thing today is post a picture of yourself or make a post with fan art you have made or any edits that you would like to use to introduce yourself!
Remember to use the tag #wearethecrankycrew so I (and any admins) can see it!

Add your name, when you joined the community, how long you have been watching Ethan, etc. And make this post your own!!

Hope that’s enough to do for the rest of the day, and feel free to tag me in the post as well!

Thank you for reading an boosting this, let’s have some fun. <3

  • Citizen: Socrates, you are really annoying.
  • Socrates: Interesting argument. Can you tell me what is 'annoying'?
  • Citizen: The way you ask all these stupid questions, that's annoying.
  • Socrates: Would you say that a fly buzzing by your ear is also annoying?
  • Citizen: Yes, I would say that is annoying.
  • Socrates: But you define annoyance as asking questions, and a fly doesn't ask questions, so do you really know what annoyance is?
  • Citizen: I guess I don't know how to explain it.
  • Socrates: If you don't know what annoyance really is well enough to explain it, how can you be certain, then, that I am annoying?
  • Citizen: I am going to scream
Once upon I time I was on a POT date, and ended up comparing myself to a high end gym

It makes sense, hear me out

I was on a date with this god awful POT who was dead set on low balling me and claimed he didn’t see the “reason” behind a monthly allowance and would much rather pay per date, and here’s where it got interesting;

“Would you happen to have a gym membership?”

“Yes, I do”

“And is the gym you go to a nice gym?”

“Of course”

“Okay then, think of it like this. I am your gym, you come in and partake in your gym activities, use all the amenities provided to you by said gym. The hot tub, sauna, weight room, eliptical, treadmill, showers, locker: you use all of that. Why are you able to do that? Because you are a member and you pay a certain amount every month to do so; does your membership rate change if you go 4 times a month VS you going once a month? No it doesn’t, why you ask? Because regardless of whether or not you’re there, the gym needs to keep running, the electricity, water, and rental space all need to be paid for in order for that gym to run properly. Now, you say your gym is pretty nice? Which means you are willing to pay more for it because it’s nicer, the same rule applies to me. The more money that comes in, the nicer the gym is; better machines, it’s clean, and you end up getting more perks, why? Because since you pay extra you get extra. Don’t wanna pay that hearty membership fee? No worries! You can go to a cheaper gym! Will you get the same service? Will it look as nice? Absolutely not. Now say you don’t feel like working out in the same place as other people, and much rather have the place to yourself? That’s cool too! Now you’ve just built your own home gym AND hired a personal trainer who is there for you and you only! And you know what? That’s even more expensive, why? Because now you have exclusivity, and that gym is for you and you only. Does it make sense now? If you want a gorgeous, poised, clean cut, elegant sugar baby; you will have to pay a larger amount than if you just want your average Susie Q, and don’t get me wrong; there’s probably nothing wrong with Susie, but is she anything special? Is she a luxury? Does she fit seamlessly into your high rise lifestyle? Absolutely not. Therefore you should not demand YSL product at Walmart prices, you cheap piece of shit" Needless to say it didn’t work out and he ended up going back home to his Susie Q wife

Masterpost :D

Since I haven’t done one of these in a while here ya go!!

(** means smut)

[Updated: March 20, 2017]

One-shots/Series 

Dean

Sam

Winchester Sister

Cas

John

Jensen

Jared

Disney AU’s


Imagines

Dean

Sam

Castiel

Both Brothers

Other Characters

Jensen

i kinda need a fic where Noora takes Isak and Even to her yoga class and Isak is actually really good at it and enjoys it and Even is all like “I’m to tall for this shit, the earth seems too far I am an artist goddamit, downward dog yourself hoe, nope I am never doing this again ever”

  • Bucky: (side-eyeing Sam) (speaking in Russian) So Natasha, what am I supposed to do with this Sriracha stuff?
  • Natasha: (in Russian) It's spicy, put it on anything, it's really good. Why are you glaring at Sam like that?
  • Bucky: (in Russian) I'm pretending to talk shit about him. Is it good on eggs?
  • Natasha: (in Russian) Oh, fantastic. I'm going to glare at Steve and pretend to talk shit. Yes, it's great on eggs.
  • Bucky and Natasha: (scowling at Sam and Steve)
  • Sam: The fuck is going on over there.
  • Steve: I don't know but I don't like it.
  • Bucky: (in Russian) This is the most fun I've had since 1944.
  • Natasha: (high-fives Bucky)
upholstered furniture

pairing: pansy parkinson x harry potter

setting: modern, non-magical, reality/film star au; based on this

word count: 4,654 words


(7:22 am) Did you see the casting news yet? For Boy Who Lived?

(8:15 am) fuck off its sunday

(8:16 am) Ronald.

(8:17 am) unless they chose to go with an actual fucking cgi flamingo i dont give a shit right now and it can wait until tomorrow

(8:19 am) It really can’t. Harry’s going to fire you when he finds out.

(8:19 am) ??????? get ur blasphemous ass back to church no he’s not

(8:20 am) Yes, he is. It was YOUR idea to scrap the chemistry test.

(8:23 am) omg what is ur DAMAGE chemistry tests r dumb af harry hates them

(8:24 am) And sometimes you have to act as his AGENT, not his best friend, and advise him to do the things he hates, Ronald. Like chemistry tests.

(8:25 am) thx for the fortune cookie fun fact i’ll pass it on to harry’s latest oscar nom ok

(8:29 am) Check Variety. They reported on the casting this morning. There was a “leak” at the studio. Naturally.

(8:32 am) harrys gonna fucking fire me ur right


BREAKING: Hurricane Hollywood star tapped for female lead in Paramount’s Boy Who Lived

October 11, 2016. Los Angeles.

Well, it’s official.

Seemingly permanent tabloid staple Pansy Parkinson (Hurricane Hollywood; The Hottie and the Nottie), better known for her outrageous late-night party antics than she is for her acting prowess, has been cast as Harry Potter’s (Under the Stairs) on-screen love interest for the futuristic dystopian thriller, Boy Who Lived, slated for release by Paramount sometime in Summer 2018. While Parkinson has been persistently vocal about her desire to make the transition from her Cristal throne in Vegas to the slightly more respectable silver screen, this will be her first role in a major motion picture.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Shawn post snaps of you doing simple things like cleaning the house or doing dishes or simply putting away laundry and he just loves it

YOUTUBE COMPILATION OF SHAWN MENDES’ SNAPS OF Y/N  

[first snap: you’re driving with the windows down, singing along to the new single he just released loud and off-key. he’s laughing lightly at you from behind the camera, and you get a smile on your face when you hear his breathy giggle.]

“You snapping me Mendes?” 

“Course I am, baby, your singing’s just too good to not share.” 

[second snap: you’re playing with his little cousin and she’s babbling incoherently at you, so you just make up bits of conversation to go along with it.]

*baby blabble*

“The Great Gatsby? Yes, I do think Daisy symbolizes the theme of money can’t buy you happiness. Great point.”

*more baby blabble*

“Eh, I was never really a Blues Clues fan as a kid. But if you are then I guess it’s good enough for me.”

*even more baby blabble*

“Oh, mhmm. Shawn is a weird boy. Get yourself one of those normal boys, one that won’t snap you when you’re just trying to live your life.”

wrong store, wrong employee

I occasionally grocery shop for my family once I get out of work myself. I don’t bother to remove my Popular Office Supply uniform or nametag. I LOVE when customers at the grocery get livid with me for not wanting to help them. I’ve been bothered, physically turned around and yelled at for not assisting them.

“HELLO, I AM TALKING TO YOU! YES. YOU, GENIUS.”
I let them continue. I let them be the abhorrent people they really are and then I get to stick it in their faces that “I don’t actually work here.”

That precious moment of realization is like a drug. It makes actually going to work the next day feel much better.

(Also, my uniform is black and offers tech aid?? Why do you expect me to service you in the frozen food section of a red branded store? LMAO)

////////////

Also, at my own job, we get (somehow) mistaken for the OTHER Popular Office Supply stores. There are enormous signs everywhere. It’s on my shirt. It was for real on the building you entered. There’s a button that says our old motto right next to you that your kid is smashing to death.

And you yell at me and leave your 40+ item transaction half completed because you can’t get your company benefits because YOU shopped for AN HOUR in the wrong store. ….at least everything is bagged and easier to put back on the shelves….
This has happened about 6 times 2 months. Kinda blows my mind.

anonymous asked:

Are you nonbinary?

yes I am genderfluid, been since forever but I really didn’t know genderfluidity was a thing until like 2011, so it took me a long long time to understand what the actual heck was going on

(also I’m pan if anyone cares)

Naughty Girl

Pairing: Professor!Dean x Student!Reader

Request: Can you write a really smutty collegeproffesor!dean and collegestudent!reader fic?

(2): Hey! Is it possible if you could do a smut with Dean as your boss or one of your professors? Your amazing btw

100 Kink List: 22. Spanking

Warnings: teacher/student relationship, smut, dirty talk, spanking, professor kink

Words: 2418

Note: Ah, yes, more Dean smut. This is 98% smut, so…enjoy my little nymphos (I think I am going to start calling you all that from now on)

Keep reading

Saphael #5
  • Simon: Mom, i need to tell you something...
  • Simon's Mom: Yes monkey?
  • Simon: It's really big and it's is a big part of my life... and i don't know if you'll accept me.. but here we go. Mom I'm...-
  • Raphael: *appears out of nowhere and covers his mouth* *whispers to him* You can not tell your mundane mother that you are a vampire.
  • Simon: *whispers harshly back* Then what do i tell her?!
  • Raphael: I'll handle this.
  • Simon's Mom: Yes..?
  • Raphael: What Simon needed to tell you is that he is gay, or bisexual and i am his partner.
  • Simon's Mom: Really!? Oh Simon, we did you never tell me? And your boyfriend seems so nice...
  • Simon: Great.. So this is how you handle things Raphael?
  • Raphael: *Shrugs*
Me playing post game Pokémon
  • International police cops: HEY KID we heard you're a Pokémon master, do you wanna help us mess with the space time continuum and catch inter-dimensional ultra beasts?
  • Me: I mean sure, that makes sense, I AM a Pokémon master...
  • International Crime COps: cool head on over to Aether foundation and talk to Wicke
  • Me: *goes there*
  • Wicke: btw this isn't about the ultra beasts but Lille wanted me to explain why she went to kanto with lusamine; since we didn't really put that dialogue in the unreasonably long finale cutscene of the game and I'm sure it's been bothering you Erica cause you're weirdly invested in the characters
  • Me: YES IT HAS!!! Thank you!! Please, go on
  • Wicke: but you don't wanna hear me talk about all that...
  • ME: YES I FUCKIN DO, YES I--
  • Wicke: here, have a large chunk of fried dough for your trouble
  • me: I CANT fuckin believe this game I have to make a tumblr post
  • Me: *does*
  • Me: *goes back to playing game*
  • Wicke: AND HERE, HAVE ANOTHER ONE--
  • Me: ARE YOU FCKING-----

here, have a preview of upholstered furniture, a reality/movie star au based on this:


(7:22 am) Did you see the casting news yet? For Boy Who Lived?

(8:15 am) fuck off its sunday

(8:16 am) Ronald.

(8:17 am) unless they chose to go with an actual fucking cgi flamingo i dont give a shit right now and it can wait until tomorrow

(8:19 am) It really can’t. Harry’s going to fire you when he finds out.

(8:19 am) ??????? get ur blasphemous ass back to church no he’s not

(8:20 am) Yes, he is. It was YOUR idea to scrap the mandatory screen test.

(8:23 am) omg what is ur DAMAGE screen tests r dumb af harry hates them

(8:24 am) And sometimes you have to act as his AGENT, not his best friend, and advise him to do the things he hates, Ronald. Like screen tests.

(8:25 am) thx for the fortune cookie fun fact i’ll pass it on to harry’s latest oscar nom ok

(8:29 am) Check Variety. They reported on the casting this morning. There was a “leak” at the studio. Naturally.

(8:32 am) harrys gonna fucking fire me ur right


BREAKING: Hurricane Hollywood star tapped for female lead in Paramount’s Boy Who Lived

October 11, 2016. Los Angeles.

Well, it’s official. Seemingly permanent tabloid staple Pansy Parkinson (Hurricane Hollywood; The Hottie and the Nottie), better known for her outrageous late-night party antics than she is for her acting prowess, has been cast as Harry Potter’s (Under the Stairs) on-screen love interest for the futuristic dystopian thriller, Boy Who Lived, slated for release by Paramount sometime in Summer 2018. While Parkinson has been persistently vocal about her desire to make the transition from her Cristal throne in Vegas to the slightly more respectable silver screen, this will be her first role in a major motion picture.

Studio insiders claim that Parkinson endured a particularly grueling audition process, beating out three different test groups dating all the way back to March of this year. Sources tell us that filming for her latest project, a reality show with an exclusive focus on the ex-wives of professional athletes—aptly titled Forever Young—will not interfere with her obligations to the Boy Who Lived franchise, which is expected to start production early next month in rural Montana.

Harry Potter was not immediately available for a comment.


Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 48 m

     this just in: hell is real

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 39 m

     lol 4 years at juilliard so i can pretend to survive the apocalypse with the girl who got famous tying a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue on fucking youtube

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 35 m

     genuinely thought this whole thing was just a really shitty joke tbh

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 31 m

     @hollywoodreporter i feel like i should preemptively inform you that it’s Not      Me in the sex tape she’s going to plant on your desk in 6 months

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 28 m

     what’s that? oh, just the sound of my golden globe flinging itself out an                upstairs window. run, forest, run!

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 24 m

     what’s @therealpansyp going to do when she figures out it’s a lot easier to        slurp tequila out of cormac mclaggen’s six pack than it is to cry in front of a          green screen

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 22 m

     is there an over/under on the 2018 razzies yet i’d like to get in on that while i        still can

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 4 m

     what an embarrassing day to call yourself a casting director

Harry J. Potter @scarhead – 2 m

     i’m done now

Pansy Parkinson @therealpansyp – 1 m

     @scarhead thanks for the shout out! super psyched to work w/ you too! xoxo


E! News EXCLUSIVE: Pansy Parkinson talks about growing up in the Bible Belt, unexpectedly scoring the role of a lifetime, and weathering that nasty Twitter storm from her future co-star!


When Harry finally meets Pansy Parkinson—for real, in person, not during some vaguely menacing FaceTime call instigated by the Boy Who Lived producers—he kind of expects something else to happen.

Well.

He kind of expects her to punch him, actually, because he’d watched three and a half episodes of her reality show during a Beef-and-Brewskis binge with Ron over the past weekend and Harry had kept a running tally of how many drinks she’d thrown on self-described “club rat sewer skanks” and he’d run out of fingers before giving up, so.

Yeah.

He’s expecting her to punch him. Kick him, maybe. In the balls. With one of those terrifying stiletto heels and the gold-plated brass knuckles she’d shown off on a sidebar for her Puerto Vallarta Spring Break special.

She doesn’t punch him, though.

Oh, no.

Instead, Pansy Parkinson flounces through the double-doors leading out to the private airstrip, rolling a surprisingly compact Louis Vuitton suitcase behind her—and, Jesus Christ, she’s got on a pair of enormous white sunglasses and a belted rabbit fur vest—and when she sees him…she pauses. It’s minute, the slight, barely-there shift in her posture, but Harry catches it, regardless, because he’s looking for it.

She pauses.

And then she flashes him a smile, all bright white teeth and dark red lipstick, and it’s sharp, cutting, almost dangerous, and he has the swift, entirely unwelcome thought that he’d made a very, very, very grave error in underestimating her.

As if to hammer the point home, she fucking hugs him after that. Just—flings her arms around his neck and presses her deceptively small, improbably warm body right up against his, arching up on her tip-toes to whisper in his hear—not for the cameras, not for the bystanders, not for the world she’s quite obviously had claimed as her stage since puberty—

“This is going to be so much fun, isn’t it?”

Harry swallows.

Parkinson smirks.

And he remembers, suddenly, why he was so fucking furious about all of this.


I Need To Get This Out There

I have severe eczema all over my body, including my face.  There are few things that people do/ say that drive me mental.  Let’s go:

1) DO NOT FUCKING STARE AT IT!

You think this would be common fucking sense, but NOPE!  The amount of fucking stares I get when I am minding my own business is unbelievable.  Imagine if you got a really bad hair cut and everywhere you went people were staring at you.  Even when you catch them staring they continue to do so.  It makes you feel like you are two inches.  Now multiply that feeling by 10 and that is what people with eczema feel like.

2) Do Not Point it Out

Yes I know it is there, I can feel it.  I ask you: What good does it do to point it out?  It is not dirt; I cannot just wipe it off to get rid of it.  This also adds to the anxiety that eczema causes and it is flat out rude.

3) Do Not Say: “It’s gross!” or “It looks painful!” or “It looks dry!” etc.

Look I know how it looks like to the public.  I cannot help how it looks.  Trust me it looks gross to me as well.  However, there is nothing I can do to really change how it looks or how long the recovery takes.  Plus, it is painful and no amount of pain-killers will get rid of the pain.

4) “You should cover it up!” 

HAHAHAHAHA! It is not that fucking simple man! First of all, eczema heats up really quickly.  If someone is the cover the area the eczema will burn said person, until it hits the cold.  Secondly, if they were to put say foundation on it both of these scenarios will happen.  When eczema is covered, the patch will look hella dry.  All it will do is make it look less inflamed rather than be a solution.  Let’s say that the person has a lot of makeup skills to make it look invisible, makeup will still hinder it.  like covering it up with cloth, the eczema will burn underneath causing the flare to worsen.

5) “You should try this (insert over the counter drug/natural ‘remedy’)”

At this point just shut the fuck up.  Let’s start with the drug argument shall we.  Do you honestly think I would not be keeping tabs on new products and not testing them out.  I know of pretty much all of the drugs out there and they do not work.  Correction, they work for those who are extremely mild or for people who think they have eczema when they don’t and only have a normal rash.  all those creams do is num the itch so you don’t scratch.  They do not stop it!  Now for the natural “remedy” crap.  Let’s get this clear,  THERE IS NO FUCKING CURE FOR ECZEMA!  For those who says “I used this all natural mixture/oil/whatever that my alchemist recommended and it cured my/baby’s/whoever eczema” That is all fucking bullshit!  Like with the over the counter, it more or less nums it.  A lot of the ingredients they use are mild moisturizers.  Now moisturizers are need to help the healing process of a flare, but like I said before, there is no cure.  These moisturizers just get rid of the dryness which prevents spread, not riding the body of it.  With this said, these moisturizers (more or less they are oil based) are mild.  These oils are primarily used in adding into things like steroid creams.  It adds to the moisture content on top of the pre-moisturized area and working power of the steroid. This argument drives me more nuts than the over the counter one because of my Teta. I know they are trying to help, but you are not a doctor, do not try to act as one.

6. “Have you tried taking cold showers?” or “Have you tried moisturizing?”

Of course I have! I personally hate cold showers, but because of the eczema, it is the only option I have unless I want it to spread.  It is one of the advices you receive from the doctor along with the application of moisturizers once your eczema starts flaring. 

7. “OMG! DON’T USE STERIODS! THEY ARE SO BAD FOR YOUR SKIN!”

No shit sherlock! I know they are bad for you, however they are all I have right now.  There is no other way to really treat it currently without harmful medication.  So unless you are researching a cure for eczema, do not preach to me about how bad they are and what they may cause, because I already know.

8. “DON’T SCRATCH IT!  IT WILL MAKE IT WORSE!”

I already know that.  However, it is a mental issue.  Role-play time again!  Imagine that you have a feather lightly going over your skin.  After a while, you want to bat it away.  Now imagine if you were not allowed to bat it away.  It would eventually dive you nuts and you will knock it way.  Again multiply that feeling by ten and that is what a person with eczema had to deal with.  The point of which we need to scratch is our breaking point.  Eczema legit will drive us mad, to the point we will do anything to stop it, even if it means worsening it.

Those are only some of the thing people with eczema have to deal with.  I probably missed a tone of comments that drive us nuts.  If you know of someone with eczema DO NOT do/say these things to them.  If you have some things that dives you nuts feel free to add.  If you do not have eczema and have questions please feel free to ask me.

Carver:   *thinking*  Do NOT let him fluster you, Carver.  You’ve got this.  Yes, every other time you’ve spoken to the man you’ve turned into a gibbering idiot, but THIS TIME you’ve really got it.  Say something intelligent.  BE the Inquisitor.  Just… don’t fuck this up.

Dorian:  While I’ll admit looking at me is one of my favorite hobbies as well, I am going to assume you are actually here on business, yes?  After all, I’ve watched you chat up the locals all morning as if you were trying to gain their approval.  I simply cannot wait to hear how you intend to woo me.

Dorian:  Unless of course you intended to save the flowery words and cut directly to the matter of my research.  While you have been charming every nug wrangler and chamber pot handler in the name of goodwill and such rubbish, I have been spending my waking hours researching our enemy.

Dorian:  I’m certain you realize that the South does not have a firm grasp on Tevinter culture.  “Seen one magister, seen ‘em all.”  Yes, yes, they’re all big and scary and likely to devour toddlers with their gaping maws or whatever tales they’re peddling about us this week.  “But, Dorian,” you will say after you compliment my good looks and ample talent.  “They’ll look at you and realize that some magisters are not complete arse hats.”  True…  But then I’ll remind you that I’m an altus and thank you bitterly for not listening to me ever when I talk about myself.  And then I’ll pout.

Dorian:  But– oddly enough, I don’t think I’ve ever said this before– I tire of hearing myself speak.  You look as though you have something brewing in that seldom used brain of yours.  Dazzle me with your wit.

Carver:  *thinking*  DAMNIT, CARVER.  SAY SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.  SHIT.  I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINKING THIS WHOLE TIME.  HISTORY.  HE LIKES HISTORY!

Carver:  In 5:61 Exalted, a mabari was elected mayor of Lothering.

Dorian:  Was that… an attempt at flirting?

Dorian:  Andraste’s bosom, it WAS!  And how positively Ferelden of you.  My heart is absolutely aflutter at such divine bit of prose you have bestow upon my ears.  What comes next?  A proposal, perhaps?  Do we exchange mabari collars at the wedding?  Or do we have to sniff each other’s crotches?

Carver:   Fuck this.  I’m leaving.  Forever.  I just want you to know that I’ve hated you all.

Solas:  Inquis– AAAGH!