yes i loved this movie even though it was different from the book

5 Reason’s Why Supernatural is the Gayest Show on Television (That’s Still Stuck in the Closet)

To start with, I’m not delusional.  I’m fully aware that the studio and execs have settled into a comfortable pattern with Supernatural, and especially considering it’s heavily mixed demographic (interestingly, it was ranked a favorite among republicans and democrats in 2016) they’re unlikely to rock the ship with a canonically queer relationship between two of it’s main characters.  

However, it’s important to understand exactly how much queerness is bubbling beneath the thick surface layer of “no homo:”  from the orgies of male-on-male eyesex to the inspiration for most of its main characters, Supernatural is queer to its very core. 

Here are five (blaring but stubbornly unacknowledged) reasons why:


1.  Dean’s gratuitously bisexual inspiration. 

Whenever someone claims a queer interpretation of Dean is baseless, I’m always happy to direct them straight to his flamingly bisexual source:  Dean Moriarty, his namesake and direct inspiration, a la the novel On the Road.  

Admittedly, I read On the Road and didn’t particularly enjoy it, as I found it to be a somewhat masturbatory reassertion of masculinity for its narrator, Sal Paradise.  Sal idolizes and fixates the charismatic Dean and his promiscuous lifestyle, openly having sex with and impregnating multiple women, and is all around a heterosexual power figure…right up until the point at which Dean propositions a male prostitute.  

Though he’s never shown doing anything gratuitous with male characters (since the book was published in the 1960s, it wouldn’t have been legal to) it’s clear that Dean is very much bisexual, not ashamed of it, and in terms of personality, very similar to Dean.  There are a few key differences (Dean Moriarty, for example, legitimately gives zero fucks about anything, whereas Dean Winchester is secretly a little ball of anxiety with the weight of the world on his shoulders) but it’s clear where Eric Kripke got his inspiration from.

Moreover, Dean Moriarty was in turn based off of the real life bisexual counterculturist Neal Cassady, who among other things had a twenty-year sexual relationship with a male poet.  Here, he is pictured in a Denver mugshot: 

So next time someone tells you the homoerotic subtext of Supernatural exists only in the imagination of rabid fangirls, remember that Dean is the direct descendant of two ragingly bisexual icons.

2.  Castiel (or at least his wardrobe) was also based off of a bisexual character.

For a show so aggressively devoted to a “no homo” interpretation, it has a real propensity to drawing inspiration from queer characters:  everyone’s favorite baby in a trench coat, for example, was modeled after the demon-busting John Constantine from the Hellblazer comics.  Yup, another bisexual.   

Though in true assbutt fashion, his love of men is censored in movie and TV adaptions, Constantine unabashedly swings both ways in paper form – a.k.a. where Kripke found inspiration for Castiel’s look.  Here, we see him platonically receiving a man-hug from one of his bros:

So I’m not saying the fact that two out of three main characters are modeled after canonically queer figures could have anything to do with Supernatural’s gratuitous queer subtext, but y’know.  It might.

3.  Cas himself is sexually complex (and literally cannot be straight.) 

Dean has made reference to the fact that he “doesn’t swing that way” (ironically, both of which times he was literally in the midst of blatantly flirting with men.)  

Cas, however, has no such reservations:  he’s never indicated, vocally or otherwise, a preference towards either gender, so much as outright declaring that he doesn’t give a damn.  

He reacts to male and female flirtation much the same way:  just try and tell me his suspicious glower and Mick wasn’t similar to Mandy the waitress (and try and tell me they both weren’t acting like they’d like to eat him for dinner.)

Moreover, the only time we’ve seen him ever achieve some kind of intimacy with female characters is when they’re literally throwing themselves at him.  Hey, he’s an aesthetically pleasing fellow – or rather, an aesthetically pleasing something.  

Which brings me to my next point that he isn’t really a fellow at all:  Cas not only gives zero fucks about sexual orientation, he also gives zero fucks about gender.  Sure, he’ll spend seven years in the same ill-fitting trench coat, but he’ll also rock a petticoat like nobody’s business.

I’ve discovered that the writer for “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” Steve Yockey, is a gay man, which honestly makes it all the more perfect:  not only does it establish the Orlando-esque flexibility (or nonexistence) of Cas’s gender, but it eliminates the possibility of his straightness.  

And I want Destiel to be canon as much as anybody, but am I opposed to Cas being a genderfluid lesbian?  No.  No, I am not.    

4.  Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual (and probably should be.)

For anyone who questions whether Dean not being straight as an arrow, I’m happy to point out some very canon things that happened on the show:

(Examples courtesy of @some-people-call-it-tragic!)

And yes, when feeling threatened, he’s professed not to swing that way.  But you know how many queer people I know who have at one point felt compelled to lie about our sexual orientation?  Every single one.  And I live in the bluest of blue states – Dean was raised in Bible Belt America and spends most of his time in the Southwest.  Not to mention the fact that he was raised during the heat of the AIDS academic.

In other words, he has every logical reason to be wary at the prospect of coming out of the closet, or even acknowledging same sex attraction at all.

Moreover it’s been canonically established that Dean has a habit of lying about himself to protect his image of masculinity:  according to Dean, he doesn’t do shorts, chick flicks, cucumber water, skinny jeans and sunglasses, and Taylor Swift music.  You know how many of those things he loves?  All of them

Finally, not every member of the cast or crew might agree (though I know for a fact that some of them do) but their interpretations do not effect textuality.  And Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual.  

5.  Dean and Cas make a better couple than any of their love interests.

I’m going to state something I feel is obvious:  Cas and Dean have more buildup, tension, chemistry, emotional connection, and romantic history than literally any of their other interests.  

Take Lisa, for example:  she’s Dean’s longest lasting introduced as female partner, and she’s introduced as the “bendiest weekend of his life.”  

Furthermore, I’d argue that sexual attraction notwithstanding, Dean was never romantically in love with Lisa.  To him, she epitomizes his desire for a mother figure, a home, and his lost childhood, as is best demonstrated in his fantasy from “Dream a Little Dream of Me:”  Lisa isn’t a seductive or romantic figure here – she’s a maternal one. 

Though since Dean has never had a long lasting relationship (or, to my belief, been completely in love with a girl) it’s easy to see how he’d misinterpret these feelings as romantic love. 

Then we have Cas, who’s introduced by pulling Dean from the depths of hell, who makes most one-on-one scenes with Dean look like a soft core porno, and who recently (canonically!) declared his love for Dean.  

I don’t dislike Lisa, but it’s easy to see which of the two relationships is more three-dimensional, more original, and more worthy of screentime.

on the new Iron Fist series

So after binge watching a ton of Marvel’s new Iron Fist series, I went onto tumblr, wondering what the fandom was up to now, what with all these new gifs and stuff to make. ‘Maybe I would find some fan art or something’ I thought innocently to myself,

BUT BOY WAS I WRONG

instead, I was greeted with SO MUCH DISCOURSE on how Iron Fist ‘needs a chinese-american actor’ or ‘has terrible dialogue and is slow’.

the best part is when I found out that some of y’all are trying to get this show boycotted like ‘????’

Now as a Chinese-speaking Asian female, living in Asia, with an Asian background and a good know-how of Chinese history, as well as a decent knowledge of comic books, (although I confess I got into the animated series first) I’m here to end the discussion before y’all get your full rage on and start fighting fans of the show like it’s Lord of the Flies up in here

So keep reading if you want to be educated or if you just want to fight me before you know what you’re even talking about

“THE SHOW INSULTS CHINESE CULTURE”

Uhhhh…no? I’ve seen a few episodes and I mean so far there isn’t really anything that screams ‘insult’ or even offensive in the slightest. Besides maybe the fact that they take the beliefs and twist them a little bit but honestly even that ain’t that bad as to what I’ve seen elsewhere.

I’ve read the boycott post and let me say that yea, they dressed him with an eye for Asian elements, but maybe that’s because it’s supposed to be resembling Asian clothing? I mean how is that offensive? Is it the part that it looks Asian? Or that you simply feel that white people that direct these shows should not be using Asian stuff for entertainment? Because I hate to break it to you but it’s still not offensive. Even the dragon tattoo is totally fine because it’s supposed to resemble Asian elements yea but also have y’all read the comics? Because he punched through a dragon and basically took it’s heart. So I mean a dragon tattoo kinda matches the theme.

I mean in the first episode they speak almost flawless Chinese for Pete’s sake! Hell, I was surprised that they even had it in them to have a non-Google translated line. Sure the accent was a little overdoing it cuz not even I have that thick a Chinese accent but I’ll excuse it since he was apparently learning and speaking 15 years. (I speak it maybe a few times a day for like the last 14 years or so only)

So no, the show doesn’t really insult Chinese culture, sure they might be ignorant, but you must understand that after generations of stereotypes and misconceptions that that can’t just go away with one show

“Danny Rand should be played by an Asian guy/be a Chinese-American”

I can’t even begin to tell you my frustration about this.

Y’all do know this show is based on the comics right?

You know, the one with the white guy.

I know Marvel is infamous for not including enough representation in their shows but seriously? This is like the Harry Potter thing all over again with Hermione being black, it’s not that we don’t want representation or anything, but it’s the fact that this hero that us comic fans have come to already love has been replaced. Or at least it feels like it. Like when a movie is made from a book and people go crazy because character XYZ suddenly has different traits or isn’t quite what was described as compared to the book.

Frankly, it sucks.

So even though yes, Marvel should have more Asians in their shows, don’t expect them to completely give the main character a makeover, even if the makeover was supposed to provide representation. And honestly? I don’t want them to change him because I really freaking love Iron Fist, just as he is.

“This show just villainizes Asians”

So you tell me that my race is being made villains because Marvel decided that most of their Asians on their shows are evil ninjas (aka the Hand) and at most there are like 3 sorta good Asians. Oh and I’m sorry, you want more Asian men that are good guys? You want a balance of Asian heroes?

Well I guess that would be kind of hard to fit into the story since, oh, I don’t know, everything happens in the USA?

If you want more Asian characters well then look no further because you do have them. Daisy Johnson from Agents of Shield? What about her extremely brave mom? Or maybe Colleen in Iron Fist? Everyone seems to be blatantly ignoring her badassery and only seeing the part where she’s a sorta love interest.

Facts are, there are Asian characters, you’re really just looking hard enough. I agree wholeheartedly when you say that more Asian men need to be in the Marvel universe that aren’t part of the bad guy team but you gotta say that they are still awesome.

Does anyone even remember the Japanese ninja yakuza guy from Daredevil? Dude got set on fire and STILL came back to kick ass. That’s a plus in my book because even though he’s considered bad, he’s been proven to be cunning, smart, and overall awesome.

“The show has terrible stunts/acting/dialogue/fight scenes”

From here on out it’s mostly just me trying to explain why the directors and writers of the show made decisions in the show to make it what it is, so let’s dive right into it.

  • STUNTS

Actually the stunts weren’t half-bad. If you’ve seen other shows or movies that are heavily reliant on stunts and action, and compare it to this show, they really aren’t that much different. Sure it might seem a little unbelievable sometimes like they’re breaking physics or something, but he already has a glowing fist. I think we’ve crossed the line of believable long ago.

  • ACTING

I have nothing to say about this except that go and take some acting or drama classes before coming and criticizing these awesome men and women who did indeed try their best

  • DIALOGUE

Now I get the dialogue might be a little weird at times and what not, but you must understand that this show was partially written with the Defenders series in mind. So almost everything that was said in the show is meant to lead to something more. Thus, you must take it as a bigger picture. Sorta like how everyone said that Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them wasn’t as good as they thought it would be, that movie was also meant to lead on to a bigger story so you might want to excuse the weird speech and cryptic lines at times.

  • FIGHT SCENES & ACTION

Okay seriously people, please read the comics. Danny Rand is supposed to be an accidental hero, one that doesn’t want to fight unless he really has zero choice in the matter. So yea, the fight scenes won’t be that interesting, but only because the character in question is more interested in ending the fight than anything.

~

So there you have it, my whole slightly angry info-dump on Iron Fist and Marvel’s representation problem in general. If you want to correct me or scold me even then by all means message me or shoot me an ask. But just keep in mind that Marvel can’t make all your problems go away in one show, and please for the love of all that is good read the comics before coming to rant okay?

I have some opinions/thoughts that I’d really love to get off my chest even if other people think I’m completely wrong.

Gaston did not deserve to die, Gaston was hardly a bad person, Gaston was basically forced into being the villian of this story.

[I’m referring to the 2017 remake of BATB rather than the original animation.]

Let’s point out some difference between the 1991 Gaston and 2017 Gaston
-2017 Gaston was not a misogynist
-did not abuse Lefou
-even verbally
-Like for fucksakes, the friendship between Lefou and Gaston was so genuine. I’m frequently seeing these things around Gafou is an abusive ship, buts it’s really not? He tells Lefou ‘thank you’ says ‘you’re the best Lefou’ sincerely asks ‘how has no woman snatched you up?’, messes around with Lefou like buds (wrestling bite marks, picking him up to demonstrate strength, gets on the table and dances with him), let’s Lefou calm him down and boop his nose, and not once does he insult or hurt even when it seemed like he would (after Lefou wrapped his arms around him, or when he couldn’t spell his name, when he said ‘who needs her when you’ve got us’, etc). They’re sincerely good, close friends, but don’t worry I’m not ignoring all the shitty things Gaston did to Lefou I will get to that in a second.
-I said he’s not a misogynist, right? Cause that’s important. Big step away from the OG.
-Doesn’t insult Belle for reading
-Instead he feigns interest in the book because he knows it’s her interest
-even brings her flowers, whataguy
-Has manners (“excuse me, please let me through” going through the crowd, didn’t push everyone out of his way)
-Goes to her rescue when the town’s people are being mean (sure this is because he wanted to be the hero to seduce her, but seriously he was one of the few people who didn’t harass or bully Belle for being different)
-Doesn’t call Maurice crazy and instead offers his help to soothe the men (again, seduction, but seriously he’s still being polite and helping the underdog unlike the OG)

I’ll probably think of more things to add to this Gaston-wasnt-an-asshole list but I think this basically gets the point across that, well, Gaston wasn’t an asshole. He was immensely vain, yes, but that doesn’t mean he was a bad person.
Cus ya know who else started out incredibly vain but still managed to be the fucking prince in this story?
Yep, the Beast/Adam of course.

Time to do some comparing of the prince and the villian because spoiler alert, they basically parallel each other.

I’ll begin this part with Belle’s comment of, “No one can change THAT much, Gaston”
Ahem

LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP ARE YOU SERIOUS
This line pissed me off immensely, because that’s literally Adam’s entire character arc, changing himself completely, literally and figuratively.

Like I’m sorry you wanna do a repeat of the song “Something there” aka the song where the lyrics are basically “he was an asshole brute who I hated but now he’s c h a n g e d”
Literally so pissed off at that all.

But as I was saying, Gaston basically mirrors Adam’s arc, meaning to say they’re practically the same character things going on but sorta reversed.

Like okay
-Upon first meeting Belle, the Beast locks her father then her in a tower and is a huge dick but then they bond over books and he gives her flowers and he’s nice to her.
-Upon first interacting with Belle, Gaston is nice to her, gives her flowers, tries to bond over books, but then he’s a huge dick and locks her father and then her in a cart.

Do you see what I did there? Literally the same actions, but backwards.

Let’s do some more comparing.
-They both have terrible, terrible tempers.
But you know what? The Beasts is definitely a lot worse than Gaston’s.

Let’s review how both Gaston and Adam dealt with Belle’s dinner rejection
-Beast: literally motherfucking demands she has dinner with him, bangs his paws on the door, scrEAMS at her, and then announces she can starve if she won’t eat with him
-Gaston: [not direct quotes, can’t remember exact words but basically what he says] “oh, busy?” nope “okay, then some other time?” boom that’s that. Yeah he still is persistent on winning her over even after this rejection but the man handled it a lot better then Adam (and he brought flowers for her dinner table).

I’m about to move on from Adam and start talking about how Gaston treated Lefou in a sec, but I would just really really really like to put some emphasis on the fact that both Adam and Gaston were incredibly narcissistic men. The amount of self pride and conceded they have is in the beginning is completely parallel and it leads to both of their unfortunate fates. The point in this, is Gaston is not a bad guy just because he loves himself a bit much, just as the Beast was not a bad guy for loving himself too much. Like, the way Adam turns down Agatha for being ugly seems exactly like something Gaston would do, so why does the movie end with Gaston dying while the Beast learns his lesson and gets his happily ever after?
Because, the OG Gaston was truly an asshole who deserved to die and this 2017 remake of course had to stay true to the story. Even though this Gaston really wasn’t a true villian and didn’t deserve to die – rather he deserves a redemption arc just as Adam was given – he died anyway because that’s how the story goes.

Anyway, I’ll get on with this and bring back Lefou.

Some of you have probably been reading this while thinking “But Marley [das my name], Gaston was a shitty person, he wasn’t a good friend to Lefou at all because he manipulated him, let him get punched in the face, didn’t protect him at all, and threatened to lock him up. Plus, he was only into Belle because she’s pretty.”

Alright alright alright: Lefou.
He’s an exceedingly important character as he gives us insight to Gaston’s character.
Two crucial things he reveals about Gaston … .

-Gaston has anger issues. My father has anger issues, and so do I, and we both are on meds for it. Let me say, having anger management problems and getting angry are very different things. It’s just like he having anxiety and getting nervous are very different things. I think most of you can probably relate or understand anxiety more then anger issues, so just put yourself in Gaston’s shoes with that in mind. Anyway, back to Lefou. He shows us that Gaston has anger issues when he rushes to Gaston’s aid by saying “deep breathes” and then “think about the war”. He tells us that Gaston has coping mechanisms for when he gets like this. Does it matter if Gaston has anger problems? Does it make him less of a dick? Like, seriously Marley, does this information really make up for any of the things he did? Yes, yes it does matter. It’s like when you/someone your love is having an anxiety attack, or when you fall into a depressive episode, or when a loved one acts out of PTSD [which Gaston could totally completely have], or when someone with schizophrenia or delusions starts having episodes, it’s basically exactly like whenever anyone’s mental illness starts to act up. You don’t feel like yourself and you don’t so things you would normally​ do. This is definitely the case for Gaston; he acts out of character when he gets angry like this. And that’s my second point that Lefou proves in this movie.

-Gaston is not being himself when he starts doing all that terrible shit that leads him to his demise. Lefou makes it fairly obvious that that is not how Gaston usually acts. He does this in numerous ways which I will quickly try to summarize and go through:
1) Questions Gaston. Obviously if Gaston often tied up old men to trees or in general left people to die, Lefou would have just went with it instead of going “are you sure?”
2) doesn’t immediately lie to save Gaston’s ass. Again, if Gaston frequently had Lefou lie for him, then it would have came to Lefou like second nature and he wouldn’t have hesitated.
3) Once more, questioning Gaston. The scene I’m about to refer to is when Gaston locks Belle and her father in the carriage. Lefou grabs Gaston’s arm and goes to question him again, but before he can Gaston threatens to lock him up as well. Dick move on Gastons end, no? But this isn’t something he would normally do or say to Lefou, for if it was Lefou wouldn’t have bothered speaking up because he would have known what Gaston’s reaction would be. Instead, Lefou is used to being able to talk sense into Gaston and reason with him (refer back to nose boop scene).
4) Running to Gaston’s side for protection during the fight [castle scene]. Lefou is probably used to having Gaston protect him during fights (war time) and obviously didn’t expect Gaston to throw him to the enemy. Like, yous guys heard him shriek Gaston’s name before the piano fell on him, right? He was obviously expecting Gaston to rescue him. Even after he’s trapped under the piano, he still reaches and calls out for Gaston. The way Gaston is acting is not the Gaston he knows.
5?) “I was on Gaston’s side, but we are so in a bad place right now” [however he says it you know the line I’m referring to]. Aight I think this is the one line that really captures the point I’m trying to make. Lefou has switched sides because Gaston is being a major douchebag and Lefou’s not having it. Lefou doesn’t put up with being treated like shit [MrsPotts saying he deserves better and Lefou agreeing]. So o b v i o u s l y Lefou is not used to Gaston being so cruel and angry. If Gaston treated Lefou like this all the time, then Lefou wouldn’t be by his side [because he left his side once he started acting like this]. Lefou knows how he should be treated, and how he’s being treated is not what he’s used to.
You dig what I’m saying? I’m kinda rushing through these points because I’m getting tired of this.

*deep breathe* Alright, last point, as I mentioned above, ‘Gaston only wanted Belle because she was beautiful’ Alright alright alright I’m not even going to talk about the Gaston in this point, I’m just going to talk about the huge flaw that is Beauty and the Beast.

Adam is turned into the Beast because he needs to learn to not judge people by how they look, he needs to learn that it’s what’s on the inside that matters.
Right.
So why is Belle the one that learns this lesson?
Adam falls in love with a gorgeous girl, meanwhile Belle falls in love with a hideous monster who turns into a nice dude on the inside.
Belle is the character who learned to not judge a book by its cover [cover being a monsterous beast but inside he is a gorgeous prince].
As soon as Belle walked into the castle, all the furniture was like “yooooo she could be the one, master hit her up” and instantly Adam’s like “well I need a girl to fall in love with to break my curse and she cute yeah let’s do it”. Like of course there’s more to our then this, but what I’m trying to say is Adam had already planned to try to charm Belle before he knew what kind of person he was because he was desperate to break the curse.
So he and everyone in the castle just saw her and was like “she was a girl, he was a boy, can I make it anymore obvious?”
So anyway anyway anyway, Gaston was only interested in Belle because she was beautiful and he wanted a wife, but Beast was only interested in Belle because she was beautiful and could break the spell. See the parallels again? Like, Beast later fell in love with Belle for who she was and she made him a better person, Gaston could have totally done the same thing.
And okay, there’s no proof Beast cared that Belle was beautiful or not, but yo, Disney definitely should have made Belle ugly af so when Adam met her the snob in him would have been “ew she’s ugly, next” and then Lumiere and Mrs. Potts woulda been like “boi Imma whoop yo ass if you don’t give that girl a try, I don’t care how fucked up her teeth are smfh” and then Adam would have learned the lesson that the enchantress was trying to school him about in the first place [this applies to the 1991 animated film, not directly at the 2017 btw]

Well I was trying to keep this professional and moreso eloquently written but you can tell I’m coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because I want it all

Okay okay okay
Okay okay
Okay

I believe we’re nearing the end. I believe I’ve said all I needed to say made all the points I could [honestly definitely not because I’m constantly thinking about this and arguing with no one in my head, I have a lot to say and later I’ll be making toast and be like “anD ONE MORE THING”]

I’m very upset Gaston died because he wasn’t a terrible enough character to deserve death.

So Dear Disney, either make Gaston more of a shitty person, or bring him back to life. I’ll be waiting for an apology letter until this is done.

Of course I’m kidding.

I just have such a love and passion for Gaston and I’m truly sick of hearing people tell me that Gafou is an abusive ship and Gaston is a villian.

And if you refuse to see that Gaston wasn’t a bad guy but still believe that Adam is such a prince than you’re insanely hypocritical.

People just see what they want to see.

Also I’m terribly sorry for making this so diddly damn long, I honestly have no idea how to do the cutoff “Show more” thing, I’m on mobile. So sorry if you’re trying to rapidly scroll past all of this and it’s taking forever.

But honestly fuck you don’t scroll past my argument.

And also if you legit read all this then motherfucking congratulations to you. Like I don’t even want to read all of this shit to edit it.

Thanks for the attention. Marley OUTT

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry to bother you, but do things really get better? I'm 16 right now and everything I know is sadness and exhaustion and anger and then I talk to my parents and they just complain about adult life... is it worth it to go on?

oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy. i know there are a lot of people who say, oh it gets better. and it does in some ways, but what it really gets is different. the people who are angry and mean and horrible often stay that way. the people who cut you off or who flip you off or who piss you off often are the same people at 16 as at 26. 

i think i hated people telling me “it gets better” because what could get better about being a mentally ill queer cuban girl in a world that wanted to eat me. i got spat out. my writing isn’t published because i’ve been rejected so many times i don’t even notice anymore. i was told a few times “make it less obviously homosexual”. what is going to get better about that, i said to myself. the memory of it will never be a nice one.

things got different slowly. like i didn’t realize until i was far on the other side of it. i wasn’t kidding in that last post when i said today i read my writing at 15 and it was painfully obvious how depressed i was. i didn’t have a diagnosis. like you, all i knew was that i was exhausted and angry and sad all the time and when i talked about it, i was told “everyone feels that way sometimes.” i felt that way all the time. in this story, i don’t suddenly wake up after turning 18 and have a magical life where it is all bunnies and flowers and loving. it took me 3 years of trying before i finally managed to quit self-harm completely. my eating disorder and i are still not on speaking terms, luckily. i’m slowly getting a handle on my ocd. i didn’t realize that the biggest thing that was changing was me.

yeah. being out of the house made it easier. away from where people knew me as a certain person. being someone new or being who i was or being in a room full of people who didn’t care how gay i was. being in control made it better. finding real and true friends made it better. being able to make my own plans and choose my own story and do more than just wait until i was old enough to be taken seriously - it got better.

but honestly it’s me. i learned how to shake hands with depression, he and i are such good old buddies i sometimes see him before he’s even coming. and i’ve gotten so good at getting out of his embrace, because practice makes perfect, same as anything. and i’ve learned things about myself i had no idea about at 16. i didn’t even realize i’m funny. i had never been skinny dipping. my only kiss had been sort of an accident. there was a lot i cared about then that i don’t care about now, because in my new world outside of that, the people i surround myself with don’t care either. i’ve worn a dinosaur onesie pajama set to eight parties now when 19 year old me wouldn’t be seen without her makeup. i wear glasses in public even though i’m nervous they make me look like a bug. i have tattoos and new piercings and a bank account (and no money) and i have love. and i don’t mean with a partner, although i’m blessed enough to say i have that as well - i mean. i just found it. i taught myself how to look for it. i figured - listen, i’m here still, so i might as well, like, try to enjoy it. and it wasn’t overnight. it still goes away sometimes. but i love so much and so easily now. i laugh more because of it. i let myself love dogs and movies and silly things. and this love sort of … makes things better. because it reflects off of everything into you. like a mirror.

at sixteen… at sixteen i was very suicidal. i didn’t know that it applied to me, because i thought i was just annoying and lazy. looking back now i always pull a face at how obvious it was, and how close i got to walking myself into a grave. it was more than a close call. death, like, waved. i actually believed i wouldn’t make it past 18. what was the point? what was the point of anything? i think if i’d told myself then, “it gets better”, i would have laughed. “maybe for you!” i would have said, “you have money and a life and you’re not like this.” but it did get better. in inches. stick around to see it. stick around to see everything wonderful that’s waiting in the wings for you. that knows your name. a fate of beautiful moments that are small and precious, like butterflies landing on fingers or snowflakes on tongues, or just sitting with a good book during the rainfall. hell, stick around to write the book, because (trust me), if you believe in your art and yourself - it can be done.

stick around most of all because what gets better is you fall in love with yourself. the world doesn’t become suddenly sickeningly sweet, even if the people around you become better and you’re given more opportunity. that’s wonderful too but… what happens is that over time, the stuff they told you stops sticking. you realize that just because your nose is crooked it doesn’t even matter because it doesn’t stop you from being the best dang ping pong player in your family. you realize you have a family, even if they’re not blood. you realize you are your own family. and you learn to take care of yourself and yes, it gets ugly at times, but you manage. and inside of managing there’s all these wonderful successes like mac and cheese and getting the bills done and the smell of clean laundry and friends that make you laugh so hard you almost pee and an apartment with plants in every corner and a hairless cat in sweaters or a dog with a bowtie or both and watching movies and reading books and seeing art, all of which haven’t been created yet, and possibly you’re the one who makes them. and managing … managing doesn’t have to be big. sometimes it’s just making a small difference. and sometimes the person you make a difference to is yourself. and that’s amazing.

stick around because, trust me, somewhere in there, you meet your younger self in your dreams and you tell her - oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy.

poedamerom  asked:

"I work as a florist and every day you walk in , buy one flower and give it to me" AU because yesterday I realised you were one of my favorite stucky writers!

Steve meets Bucky Barnes on Valentine’s Day, because God has a particularly cruel sense of humor.

— —

“You’re charging /how much/ for roses?” the man — later revealed as Bucky Barnes — asks.

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Steve says as an explanation, then sighs as he rings the man up on the cash register. “Don’t worry, your sweetheart will like them anyway.”

The man snorts.

“What?” Steve asks.

“Not for my sweetheart, for my sister. She’s in high school, and this asshole guy’d been leading her on for months, and all we could do was watch while she pined after this little fuck. Meanwhile, this guy’s having her edit his essays, drive him places… You know, the shit that asshole high school guys do when they’re going on a power trip. Anyhow, yesterday he asks out this girl right in front of my sister, asks her if she’s happy for him, which of course she’s not. She gets home, my mom calls me, and we hang out and watch rom coms together, and that’s when we come up with the plan.”

“The plan?” Steve asks, leaning in a little closer.

The guy smiles, almost sheepishly. “Her math teacher is a friend of mine from undergrad, so I call him up. These flowers, a few cards, and a big ol’ box of chocolates are gonna be on her desk.”

“Lemme guess, the asshole sits next to her?”

He grins. “Indeed, he does.”

“She’s in on it, right?”

He nods. “‘Course, it’d be weird if she wasn’t. She’s gonna tell everyone that they’re from her overnight camp boyfriend or something, who has been begging to get back together with her. I dunno, she’s got the whole thing set up, but she promises me that it’s gonna make this jack ass jealous, and that’s the important thing.”

Steve laughs. “Yeah, it is,” he says. “Bet your girlfriend is jealous, too,” Steve asks, and okay. He’s fishing a bit.

The guy raises an eyebrow. “Actually, I’m single right now,” he says. “I’ve got all these grand romantic gestures stored up with no outlet. It’s a real problem.”

“What a problem to have,” Steve says. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten flowers on Valentine’s Day, in any context. And that’ll be $42.88.”

“Ouch,” the guy says as he inserts his debit card into the chip reader. “I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Steve,” Steve says, then adds, “but you probably could’ve gathered that from the name tag.”

Bucky chuckles. “Thanks Steve,” he says as he takes his card out and puts it in his wallet.

“No problem,” Steve says, handing the flowers over to Bucky. “And good luck with your grand gesture.”

“Thanks,” he says, taking the flowers. He pauses, and pulls a rose out of the bunch. “Here,” he says, handing it to Steve.

“What?” Steve asks.

Bucky moves it a little closer to Steve. “A flower. Happy Valentine’s Day, Steve.”

“Oh, uh…” Steve says, taking it. “Thanks,” he says, a little lost for words.

“You’re welcome,” Bucky says. “Though it’s not quite a grand romantic gesture.”

Steve shrugs, trying not to blush. “It’s sweet,” he says.

Bucky just smiles and leaves the store.

— —

He comes back in the next day. “One tulip,” he says, bringing a yellow tulip up to the counter.

“Sure thing,” Steve says, then asks, “How’d the gesture go?”

“Perfectly,” Bucky says. “By the end of the day, he was telling her that he regretted everything, and she was telling him that she’s too good for him.”

Steve can’t help but smile. “Good to know, and that’s $4.21.”

Bucky pays with his debit card. “Yeah, gotta focus my energies elsewhere now,” he says.

“Good luck with that,” Steve says, handing him the flower.

“Thanks,” Bucky says, then hands the tulip back to Steve. “Enjoy the flower!” he says, before leaving the store.

Steve stands there, eyebrows furrowed, looking at the flower in his hand. “What?” he mutters to himself.

— —

It keeps happening.

Bucky comes in, he buys a flower — a different one every day — and hands it to Steve. If he doesn’t come in, he orders one online with the direction “give to Steve, please.”

“This is ridiculous,” Steve says after a month.

“I’m supporting a local, independently-run business,” Bucky responds as he hands Steve an amaryllis. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Steve amends, but he takes the flower anyway.

— —

He’s started keeping them in his apartment as a mismatched, ever-changing arrangement. When a flower starts to wilt, he presses one of the petals and keeps it in a little book.

He sort of loves it.

He also sort of loves Bucky, but that’s a different story.

— —

They get to know each other, even though they just talk for a few minutes a day. Bucky is an architect who lives a few blocks away and passes by the flower shop on the way to work. He spends a lot of time with his mom and his sister (his dad isn’t in the picture), and he likes cheesy movies but not cheese — he’s lactose intolerant.

“We have that in common,” Steve says.

“Then it’s a good thing that I’m giving you flowers and not chocolates,” Bucky says as he hands him a peony.

Steve takes it and gives it a sniff. He really does like the smell of peonies. “What’s your endgame here?” Steve asks. “It’s been four months.”

Bucky shrugs, smiling. “Dunno,” he says. “I honestly don’t. I just wanted you to have fun.” He pauses and shoves his hands in his pockets. “If it gets annoying—“

“It’s not,” Steve says, too quickly. “It’s not annoying,” he says.

Bucky looks up, smiling. “Alright then,” he says.

“See you tomorrow?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods. “See you tomorrow.”

— —

When Bucky walks into the shop on Valentine’s Day, his face lights up.

“Steve?” he asks, looking at the flower arrangement in the middle of the shop and the accompanying valentine, made from the dried petals of 365 flowers.

“I thought you could use a gesture,” Steve says. “And a date for tonight?” he adds on, hopeful.

“Are these…?” Bucky asks.

“The flowers, I saved a petal from each one.”

“Oh my God,” Bucky says, looking down and biting his bottom lip. “I’m gonna have to step up my game if we’re gonna start going out,” he says.

“So that’s a yes?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods. “Yeah,” he says. “That’s a yes.”

Hogwarts School Uniform

The other day I read a series of posts on the Hogwarts uniform and how book!uniform differs from movie!uniform, which is more canonical and whether there’s been/there should be some retconning to unify the books, films and illustrations from different sources. Since wizarding fashion is one of my favourite subjects (particularly since the word “corsets” was mentioned in HBP), I thought I had to write a post about it. So here it goes.

On tradition and unmuggleness

As much as I like the movie uniforms, the way I see it, they’re irreconcilable with those described in the books, which, both because they’re from the book and because that’s how I see them in my head, I consider canonical. Most people point out as proof of this that in a couple of occasions we are told more or less directly that the basic (I’ll talk more about this later) uniform does not bear any house indicator (see the Penelope Clearwater and Crabbe-and-Goyle’d Ron-and-Harry Cases, both in CoS). This is true. However, what I see as a bigger issue is the fact that the movie!uniform is basically a muggle school uniform with robes instead of a blazer, which, considering how often we see wizards struggling with muggle clothing, doesn’t really add up. And given that school uniforms tend to be on the conservative side of fashion, it would make much more sense to have the Hogwarts uniform resemble traditional wizarding attire.

On openings and trouserslessness

The movie robes are completely open at the front save for one (PoA-onwards) or two (PS-CoS) little clasps, which would take next to no time to do up and undo, so the movie robes would be put on and off like a bathrobe or a coat. However, most (if not all) of the times we see Harry changing into his school robes he’s described as pulling them over his head. To me that implies that the front is not open all the way down, that maybe there’s just a small opening with a few buttons, like a polo shirt. Either that or the robes are open all the way down but fastening and unfastening them is so tedious that students simply never do them up or undo them all the way. In a pre-zipper world, a front opening like that would most probably mean a metric tonne of little buttons, at least (look up some old-timey portraits, particularly of women’s fashion. They took their buttons seriously). No one has time to fiddle with that many buttons, so it would be easier to undo a few of the top ones and pull the robes over your head.

Personally, I think the left-hand version fits the description of “plain black work robes” better. And yes, there’s no indication anywhere in the books that the sleeves are flared or gathered at the top, but they look more wizardy this way, so. 

For an even more undeniable piece of evidence that supports the idea of having a closed front, look no further than Snape’s worst memory in OotP. When he gets levicorpused by James, we see his underwear. He’s not wearing trousers. Wh. Why is he not wearing trousers??? Because there’s no risk of accidental exposure of one’s undergarments when there isn’t a massive opening on the front of one’s robes, that’s why. Also, if for some sinister reason he had not been wearing trousers under open-fronted robes, everybody would’ve been able to see his pants already and it wouldn’t have been “funny” when James revealed them.

Moreover, it seems that trousers, even though they are worn in the wizarding world, are neither required nor part of traditional wizarding attire. See the old man at the Quidditch World Cup. Trousers have been adopted to some extent, but they are not considered wizarding clothing per se, but rather a garment borrowed from muggles. So if we go back to the idea that uniforms tend to be conservative, the Hogwarts uniform would have probably been designed to be worn with no clothes underneath other than underwear.

On hats gone with the wind and cloaks

Hats. “One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear.” Day wear. In the films (PS, basically), hats seem to only be worn on special occasions. And I can understand that; On set they’re probably a huge inconvenience as they like to fall off and have to be touched up constantly and may cover something/someone important. Still, canonically, a pointed black hat for day wear is part of the Hogwarts uniform.

Now, do not quote me on this, but I am positive that in one of the books there is a description of a windy day where students grab the brims of their hats so that they don’t get blown off. That’s the one and only time in the whole series (that I can remember) where the uniform hats are said to be brimmed. It makes sense, though, as traditional witch hats do have a brim. Modest brims seem adequate for uniforms. (I do think it is strange to make students wear hats indoors, but oh well.)

(Edit:  ‘ “Maybe I’ll skive off Divination,” he said glumly as they stood again in the courtyard after lunch, the wind whipping at the hems of robes and brims of hats.’ - OotP, chapter 17)

Then there’s the winter cloaks. Again, plain and black, this time with silver clasps. No crest, no house colours. And there’s also the protective dragonskin gloves, which seem to be used both as protective gloves for Potions/Care of Magical Creatures/Herbology and as regular winter gloves.

On house pride (or the lack thereof)

So far we have established that the uniform consists basically of plain black garments: a set of black robes (closed front), a black cloak, a black hat. Hence, by default, there is no way to tell what house a student belongs to just by their attire. Or is there? Here’s where the “basic uniform” I mentioned  before comes into play.

It is true that the robes, hats and cloaks are plain black when bought. And yet, there are many points in the story when Harry seems to simply know what house some students belong to, even when he clearly doesn’t know them. We get constant references to “a gorup of first year Ravenclaws” or “a Hufflepuff girl”, and since the story is told from Harry’s point of view rather than an omniscient narrator’s, there must be a way for Harry to tell apart people from different houses without knowing them personally. So how can we reconcile the ideas that some people’s house is recognisable at first sight while other people’s isn’t? It’s quite simple: CUSTOMISATION.

Bagdes, scarves, appliques, ribbons, hat ornaments, buttons, socks, belts, and a long etc, to show your house pride. Just as we can get jumpers and hoodies and caps and whatnot with the name and colours of our uni or specific college, kids in the wizarding world are probably able to buy (and make) house merchandise. These items would be available at Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, and parents would send them to their children once they’ve been sorted or the kids themselves would be able to get them via owl order.

Some students may only wear a small badge on their chest. Others a scarf+turtleneck undershirt+bandana+animal-shaped hat bauble combo. I love to imagine some kids wearing ridiculously tacky things, like red-and-gold neck ruffles or bee-striped boots. And those kids who are not as inclined to show off their house? They can just wear their basic black uniform.  

{PART 24} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; Despite everything that has gone wrong for you; you feel like life might start to have a better outlook as Jungkook takes all measures to keep you safe. However, a storm is coming; one that grips and pulls at the strongest winter coat…before you find yourself making the biggest mistake of your life to date.

“The lull, or the calm before the storm took it’s place in the atmosphere, in both of their hearts and their minds. ‘Tread carefully’ he warned her, but she slipped from his grasp the moment he blinked”

Not rated M, but be warned there are some scenes of a suggestive sexual nature.

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time) 

{Part 1} // {Part 23} {Part 24} {Part 25}

Keep reading

vernon; the boy next door (m)

genre/warnings: fluff/romance/smut, flangst, adorkableness, use of non-penetrative sex toys, (not so) dry humping

word count:  14737

feat: Hansol Vernon Chwe/Original Female, Joshua, Jeonghan + various 

prompts: roommate!Vernon, silliness, cuddles, mac n’cheese = love 

(a/n) my birthday project for my muse. thank you for everything vern:) and kisses for @vernkn​ who gifed my soft sweater vernon aesthetic. enjoy!

She loved Joshua Hong.

When she was so graciously offered to live in her aunt’s vacation penthouse close to her university of choice, the only catch was that she had to pay some of the bills. Completely fair, because it was a kind enough gesture to give away a freshly furnished space to a niece you barely talked to. Luckily, there was enough room for another guest, enough to split the rent.

So in comes the savior of her life, brother from another mother, Joshua Hong, decked out in sandy beige Sperry’s and ironed white jeans. Fresh from South California, he wore their sunshine on his smile, and their attitude in his Cheshire eyes. He was attending the same university as well, and was conveniently looking for a means to stay. Needless to say, she pounced on him at orientation before he could ask anyone else.

Keep reading

For anyone who ever falls in love with her or is lucky enough to get into a relationship with her. But hopefully she’s mine till the day I die. But take some of these things on board. - From someone who is in love with her and has been for 3 years. And always will be.
She loves FaceTime calls, especially video calls she’ll probably like seeing you because I definitely like seeing her. And hearing her voice. Her voice is special, and perfect to me because it’s hers. I could listen to her talking all day. Even if she’s complaining. She absolutely hates slow replies and being ignored, so reply to her as quickly as you can. And if you go out or you’re busy, make sure you tell her. Don’t allow her to overthink, and worry about you. It’s bad for her. Listen to her. Especially when she talks about something that makes her happy or inspires her. Listen. Even if she talks for hours , listen. Have deep conversations with her, about anything. She loves that. Talk to her for hours until 4am and you’re both tired , but happy so it doesn’t matter. Talk about weird things , like I do. Reincarnating into a tiger and a dolphin, so when we both die we can be happy together. Yes that’s weird but it’s us, and I love that. I’m sure she does too. Make her feel wanted, she absolutely hates feeling unwanted. I can assure you she’s wanted. More than anything by me. Send her cute messages and paragraphs , anything to make her smile, it’s difficult to make that girl smile. So it’s extremely precious to me when I see her smile. Be patient with her, it takes time to understand her. Wait. Wait a long time, as long as you need to wait until she’s comfortable to tell you something, for example if she’s in a bad mood. Don’t pressure her to tell you, don’t assume things. Yes I do that because I’m insecure and I overthink. But don’t make assumptions. Wait until she’s ready, but reassure her, so she knows you care. Please be patient and she’ll open up to you, if she trusts you. And it’s very hard to gain her trust. Appreciate her. Everything about her, how beautiful she is from head to toe. Her soul, her heart , her mind. I mean everything. This girl is special. Real fucking special. When she’s insecure and gets jealous of other girls , remind her she’s the best. To me she’s the best anyway. I wouldn’t want anybody but her. Admire every single thing about her. Emphasis on admire. She’s perfect. My perfect dolphin, I’d call her. That’d make her smile. All our little weird conversations mean a lot to me, and all our memories. I love her smile though, she hates it. But out of all the thousands of smiles I’ve seen hers is the best. I honestly can’t put into words how beautiful she looks when she smiles. The way her eyes glisten, sparkling omg. She hates her eyes too, because they’re “ boring brown” but to me they’re far from boring. They’re the type of eyes I could look into all day long and not for a second be bored. Even sitting in silence with her is perfect. The vibes off her are the besttttt. It’s unexplainable tbh. Don’t use her, never do that, she’s been hurt way too many times before and doesn’t deserve any more pain. Her happiness means the world to me. And if she ever becomes yours, do your best to keep her happy. This girl is different from the rest, NO ONE is like her. I swear you’ll never come across someone as perfect, precious, beautiful, amazing, out of this world etc. (I could go on) like her. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I’m dreaming, because the amount of love she shoes and all she does for me is unbelievable. And if you can ever call her yours , you’ll be very blessed to have her. This girl has her guard up too, a huge wall you have to break down bit by bit, for a very long time. Until you know her. I don’t know her to the full extent but I know her better than anybody else. And I lover her more than anybody else has or ever will.
She loves being called babygirl, princess or wifey. Or in our special kinda way she’s my dolphin. Something like that will make her smile. Don’t call her “B” or “baby” or “ babe” she thinks it’s cringe, or “ year 7 relationships” she’d say. And don’t put like 100 heart emojis or weird emojis when you text her, just be normal. When she’s happy she’ll put a lot of emojis. Pay attention to them. They represent her mood. It’s pretty important to me.
She’s passionate about reading and she’s soooo fucking good at writing. Anything. Literally. She’s the most intelligent, smart , brainy ( whatever you wanna call it ) girl I’ve met. No exaggeration at all. She absolutely loves getting new stationary, fine liners , coloured felts, glue, sticky notes, sexy note pads. You name it. And if she loves you she’ll spend hours and hours creating things for you. She’ll write you books if she’s 100% in love with you ( I’m lucky asf to get that ) even make a canvas of photos together. She will do a HELL of a lot. So appreciate that. If she’s ever yours. I appreciate her and I’m so thankful for every single thing she does.
She loves bright colourful sunsets ( purples and pinks , blues ) she likes it when they start to go dark though right at the end of them. She would spend ages taking photos of the sky , until it’s “ right ”. Sunsets are another thing that make her happy. Her happiness is key, remember that. And I hope In the future, me and her can sit and watch sunsets together. But if she becomes yours, please sit and admire the sky with her. Do anything you can to make her happy. She deserves happiness. And more. She loves romantic movies, tbh they’re her favourite, and horror movies. Lying in bed and watching a movie she’ll like, will make her happy. Some days she will push you away, and she’ll get angry at you for little things, but you need to understand that, that’s her. But try and stay, reassure her. Tell her how much she means to you, she loves when I do that. She will just stay in bed some days , not move at all, cry and hate herself. Those are the difficult days, don’t leave on those days. Do whatever you can to make sure she’s okay. Remind her that everything will be okay , the bad thoughts will go away. They don’t last forever. Better things will come.
She gets jealous too, very easily , if she loves you. Focus on her and nobody else, don’t ever take her for granted. Ever. And she doesn’t like going out, in crowded places , so don’t pressure her to go out. Whenever she’s ready you’ll know. She’ll prefer being indoors as long as she’s in the presence of someone she loves. That’d make her day, she’d say to me. There are a thousand of other things I could say, but hopefully this gives a decent idea. If you’re ever lucky enough to call her yours , protect her, love her, appreciate her etc. Take all of this into consideration. There’s much more but this is what comes to mind right now. But hopefully nobody else will ever have her and she’ll be mine until forever ends. If one of us die. But I will always love her no matter what. Regardless of anything, literally anything. I promise that.
—  for my wife.
Star Light, Star Bright

Originally posted by daenso

Star Light, Star Bright
Ship: Shooting Star/ Guardian Angel!Jimin | Reader
Description: When you wish upon a star, you never really think he’d come to visit.
Warnings: Fluff, Intercourse, Fingering, Slight Cum Play, Slight Dirty Talk, ANGST
Word Count: 7,595
A/N: Fluffier (sorta) than my other writings, and maybe not as dirty. It’s still there though. I was starting to think I’d never get around to writing this but I’m so glad I finally finished!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Stiles as a professional cuddler who takes Derek on as a client? (With a side of mutual pining, Laura being a good older sister, and Noah being a good dad.)

*coughs* John…..John. (I AM SORRY, NONNIE. I CAN’T ABIDE BY CANON. I CANT.

I have to say, I really wish there were more fics out there that had this trope because I really, really love it. I think what I love most about it is because it’s all about Derek and his issues with trust and touch. I am very interested in the notion that Derek isn’t comfortable with people touching him after the fire because of what he went through with Kate but he is comfortable with paying someone to touch him because that leaves him in control. 

Laura is the one who suggests a professional cuddler because she knows her brother and Derek is either going to find himself very badly touch starved for years to come or he’s going to fall into another bad-touch sexual relationship out of some guilt ridden punishment trip. There is no in between with Derek. And so, she researches and finds Stiles. She likes him immediately because the people who leave reviews on his website all have one thing in common: that he loves to talk. Laura knows Derek isn’t much of a talker, especially these days, but she thinks it couldn’t hurt to have someone who isn’t afraid of communication, and possibly someone who might actually get Derek to talk back. Lord knows she’s tried to get Derek to talk; to her, to a therapist. Nothing has worked. But maybe this will. 

Derek is hesitant about Stiles - “what kind of name is Stiles anyway?” - but he has to admit, the idea of being held is….kind of nice. No sex. No complications. Just someone he pays to cuddle with him for an hour every week; a simple and smooth transaction that couldn’t possibly lead to anything bad. 

The problem first starts when he sees Stiles because, in one word, he’s gorgeous. Derek is kind of annoyed he doesn’t stop being gorgeous even when he half trips in the hallway and makes a lame cuddling joke, fishing a spoon out of his back pocket and with a truly impressive eyebrow waggle says, “wanna spoon?” Derek privately wonders if Stiles brought the spoon from home, if he opens with that joke with all his new clients, or if he stole the spoon from some coffee shop on the way over, struck by sudden inspiration. Derek is kind of frustrated when he finds himself hoping it’s the second one. 

Stiles is strangely anal about his job. He treats “cuddling procedures” like it’s BDSM, or something. He asks Derek at least thirty questions, only half of which Derek is able to answer without his cheeks colouring:

“Have you ever hired a professional cuddler before?” No.

“Being a werewolf - yes, I can tell you’re a werewolf, don’t look so surprised - would you prefer I didn’t wear any odours? Body spray, cologne, that sort of thing?” Clean. Just, uh, clean is good. 

Would you like me to make a playlist for us to cuddle to? Those are very popular.” No, that’s really not necessary.

How do you feel about versatile spooning options?” Oh. I, um….could you….I mean…..would you do the…..I just want….. “No problem, big guy.”

Their first session is a little awkward and he feels downright silly handing Stiles the money after, but he has to admit, he didn’t….dislike it. In fact, three hours later, he texts Stiles to book another session. By session four, Derek has gotten over his initial embarrassment and just learns to enjoy being held. Stiles talks about a lot of things, tracing his fingers over Derek’s arms, his face, his hands: he talks about why people need contact and why it’s not stupid or something to be made fun of; he talks about Star Wars and his dad; when he finds out Derek likes history, he spends their entire eighth session talking about the Trojan War - “I know it’s not real history. I was going to try and learn about an actual war for you but I got side tracked when I found out, like, half of The Iliad is about two dudes in love. How cool is that???” He then spends an extra forty minutes talking to Derek about queer censorship in history textbooks (somehow managing to work the history of the male circumcision in there). Derek wants to tell him the session is technically over, but for some reason (he’d really rather not confront) he stays quiet and lets Stiles’ voice wash over him, before falling asleep. (He later learns when Laura tried to pay him for the over-time, Stiles had blushed furiously and told her it was on him, before running out of the apartment and muttering something about “rules”.)

Session fifteen is when Derek realises Stiles is the most important person in his life, aside from Laura and Cora. And not only that, but it’s happening again: his heart is racing and his palms are sweating, and what’s worse? He’s daydreaming. Not many people know Derek is a daydreamer. Most people think he probably just sits and broods or occupies every waking hour either working out or reading. Even Laura teases him about it. Derek, however, is a big day dreamer. His romantic day dreams have changed over the years: when he first met Paige, he imagined her at his basket ball games and what prom night might be like; with Kate, he had silly fantasies of introducing her to his family, of teaching her about the full moon and opening up about his history. Derek knows day dreaming is dangerous. At least, for him. It’s always led to bad things. But he can’t help it, even now. 

Because with Stiles it’s different. 

When he day dreams about Stiles, he imagines holding his hand and what it might be like to bury his face in his neck, knowing Stiles would already know what that means because Stiles always knows. And not in some calculating, malicious way, like Kate. It’s a though Stiles files aspects of Derek’s life away like they are facts that might come in handy for a game of trivial pursuit. He plays out silly domestic fantasies in his head where he is trying to make them pancakes and Stiles starts a food war, covering them both in flour and jam. He imagines what it might be like to have Stiles hold him after sex and tell him he’s good, that he did good; imagines hearing Stiles say, “I’ll see you at home” and texting Derek lame jokes throughout the day until he does.   

When Stiles comes over for their 15th session, he’s a mess. He’s obviously been crying and Derek can’t tell why, but he smells strongly of roses. Stiles, like Derek, is pretty skilled at hiding his feelings but the moment he goes to lie down on the bed, he breaks. Derek doesn’t think he could stop crying, even if he wanted to, and even though he knows Stiles probably doesn’t want a client - because that’s what Derek is, a client - seeing him like this, he can’t help but lie down beside him and hold out his arms. Stiles shuffles towards him without even considering it, and Derek doesn’t  care he’s getting tears and snot all over his favourite Henley because the moment he brings a hand up and soothes it up and down Stiles’ back, Stiles melts into him. Utterly trusting. He says something about his mom. 

It’s the best and most painful feeling in the world and Derek is beyond grateful that Stiles isn’t a werewolf, can’t hear how hard his heart is beating or smell the jumble of emotions coursing through him. 

They lie like that for an hour, maybe, before Stiles starts to get restless. He tries apologising, offers Derek a session on the house, but Derek barely hears him, lost. Lost in a confusing bag of mixed emotions and instead of answering Stiles, says, “let’s order pizza”. 

The pizza comes within thirty minutes, and two hours later - half way through the third Harry Potter movie - Stiles leans in and kisses him. It lasts for twelve seconds - Derek doesn’t know why he counts - and when it’s over, Stiles pulls back, eyes wide, and yells something about Derek having the last slice of pizza, before running. Derek listens to him run all the way out of the apartment block and to his Jeep, lips tingling, heart sinking. 

They don’t see each other for four months. Stiles ignores all his phone calls and after a while, Derek gives up. He doesn’t stop day dreaming, though. He takes an almost masochistic pleasure in it - maybe it’s a form of self punishment, who knows. He doesn’t care if it doesn’t count as “growth”. He day dreams to the point that he isn’t sure if Stiles is a figment of his imagination when he shows up at his door soaking wet, like the ending of some cheesy romantic comedy. Derek would laugh at the bitter-sweetness of it; that is, until Stiles’ hands are on his face and he’s talking….and talking…..and talking. Talking about rules and professionalism and “never happened to me before”. He talks until Derek finds himself smiling. He talks until Derek finds his hands shaking, and finally, finally, until he can find it in him to put a finger to Stiles’ lips. 

“Shut up.”

Stiles does.

“If I asked you to kiss me again, would you want to?” 

Stiles swallows, takes a breath. “Depends, are you going to pay me for it?”

Derek raises an eyebrow for appearance sake, says, “only in more kisses”, and then blushes furiously because cheesy flirting is not a thing he does outside of his own head. Except, apparently now it is. And he plans to do much more of it, especially if it makes Stiles laugh like that again. Just….maybe not in public. God though, he loves hearing Stiles laugh. He wants to hear it all the time. Maybe he would risk the PDA. 

“Make a deal with me?” Stiles asks, closing the space between them, mapping out both of Derek’s eyebrows with a curious finger. He smiles, like he’s figured something out about him, just from that. “Buy me a milkshake every Saturday and let me hold your stupid hand during movies and you can have all the cuddling sessions you want for free.”

Derek pretends to consider this, takes Stiles’ free hand and playfully bites down. “Sounds like a good deal,” he whispers. 

Stiles grins. “Oh, I assure you, it is.” 

confession time, here’s what i got

Summary: In which Otabek and Yuri pine for each other a lot, and manage to drag other people into their own problems. (otayuri week day 1! prompt: confessions, otayuri, side pairings viktuuri and saramila, word count: 4095)


Otabek figures out that he loves Yuri when he is twenty-one.

It’s during Yuri’s nineteenth birthday, too. His plane lands exactly at midnight, and he’s rushing to get his baggage as quick as he can to meet his best friend. He sees him the moment he claims baggage – it isn’t hard to miss his long hair or his leopard jacket – and he stretches his arms out as Yuri bolts over to him.

In the next minute, he has him in his arms, and he hears a cheerful, “Beka!” in his ears, and, oh, he realizes. He is in love.

Keep reading

Jealous, Much?

Originally posted by red-blue-velvet

Tom Holland x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: The reader is jealous of Tom and Zendaya’s relationship. However, Tom is there to reassure them.

Word Count: 2,580

Warnings: language, fluff, jealous!reader, reassuring!tom.

A/N: Sorry this took long to post. I’m not sure of this one and felt a little weird writing it tbh, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy!


In the beginning of the relationship, Tom and you were inseparable. He wasn’t overwhelmed with several acting gigs like he is now. You both were able to sit and enjoy each other’s company without too many stresses.

However, that time spent together soon started to disappear. Tom began his Spider-Man film, while you continued your everyday job, trying to fit in as many hours as you could. Yes, it was a lot you were putting on yourself, but you honestly wanted to distract yourself from not being able to have Tom with you.

You missed him.

Keep reading

Something New | NSFW

Summary: You’ve been putting it off, but you finally asked your boyfriend about something you’ve been wanting to try.

Characters: Reader x Tom Holland

Warnings: NSFW, smut, cursing, light B*SM

Word Count: 1,525

A/N: Read if you’re only 18+. This is my first time, dabbling into this, so take that into consideration. Yeah, the D is censored to keep it out of the tag. How about that LSB though??? Anyways, enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated.


You had been dating your boyfriend, Tom, for about a year now. Everything was great with him. You both had learned to love long distance and he would always come and visit you on his days off, and vice versa. You always looked forward to the days off because that meant lying in bed with him — naked. You just loved feeling vulnerable with him and cuddling, but on other days, you guys wouldn’t stop. It was heaven for you, but you wanted to try something different the next time you saw him — that was this weekend. Tom would be coming home after a long press tour for his new movie and would have two weeks off in London. You were going to bring it up to him and hope it wouldn’t scare him away.

You heard a knock on your door and you opened it to a messy, curly hair, tired, brown eyed boy with bags on his back and feet. You smiled and kissed him softly, and helped him with his things into your apartment. You didn’t speak to him. You knew he was exhausted. After he put everything down, he approached you and just hugged you. This was typical and you both would just hold each other in embrace for a while.

Keep reading

5 Ways To Say I Love You || Kim Namjoon

Originally posted by rapnamu

Word Count: 3.1k

Genre: Fluff


1.

It was the first week you had been dating Namjoon and you were enjoying it. He had asked you out a week prior and it was one of the happiest moments of your entire life. Without a second thought you had happily agreed, saying you wouldn’t want anything else, and you had never seen a bigger smile on his face then in that moment.

Namjoon had asked you if you wanted to spend the say with him and you had agreed, the idea of spending time with your new boyfriend sounding more entertaining than anything else you had planned for the day. So there you were, walking along the river side, the sun having just set in the distance and darkness surrounding you and Namjoon.

The stars were making an appearance in the sky and you couldn’t help it as you let a small yawn, stretching your arms up and into the air. You swore if you had stood on your tip toes you would have been able to grab a cloud and feel the fluff against your finger tips. It was a beautiful sight as the stars glinted off the water and reflected back into your eyes, and you listened gently as Namjoon continued to talk about something that happened to him a couple of days ago.

It was one of the most peaceful moments you had ever experienced, being here with somebody you cared so much about and being able to spend time together. You took a deep breath, turning to look at Namjoon and smiling as you nodded along to what he was saying. As the two of you continued walking, you found yourself getting more and more drowsy, the day finally catching up with you.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey, you're German, right? I've got a huge favour to ask of you. I've been studying German for a few years, and I plan on studying there for a year. Before that, I wanna improve my language skills, so I've been wondering if you could tell me about some good original German movies? I don't want to watch dubbed ones, I've heard they're horrible. Thank you so much! Love your blog, by the way.

Dubbed movies aren’t actually half bad - at least to movies dubbed in other languages. Trust me, I’ve watched both Spanish and French dubbed movies, they were way worse. This is what we like to call “Jammern auf hohem Niveau” - complaining even though everything is pretty good. You’ll find that Germans are a people of complainers; we like to complain about everything. We are never content :) 

Still, I’m really really excited that you’re interested in my culture and HELL YES THERE ARE A BUNCH OF AWESOME GERMAN MOVIES. Here are some highly acclaimed ones and some of my favourites, I hope all links work. 

  • 12 Meter ohne Kopf (a movie about a German pirate, who allegedly walked 12 meters after being beheaded in order to save his crew)
  • Auf der anderen Seite (a really bautiful sort of episodic movie connecting the lives of three families, both German and Turkish)
  • Barfuss (a movie about a girl suffering from PTSD, who is saved mostly accidentally from committing suicide by a dude cleaning the clinic she is in, and then follows him around everywhere, and they fall in love. Seriously, onely one of two movies by Til Schweiger worth watching)
  • Buddenbrooks (the story of a very rich merchant family and their downfall…a really famour book adaptation)
  • Das Boot (a movie about a German submarine and its crew during World War II. 100& must-see)
  • Das Experiment (A movie about a psychology experiment in prison, and how people react when given free reign over others. This should come with a huge trigger warning. It’s awesome, but also really super disturbing)
  • Das Leben der Anderen (You might’ve heard of that one, since it received an Oscar. It deals with surveillance in East Germany, and is, also, a must-see).
  • Das weiße Band (A movie about the oppressive and rigid society pre-World War I children grew up in.)
  • Das Wunder von Bern (This movie mixes the football world championships of 1954 (soccer for heathens who call other stuff football) and the story of a family that has to re-learn to live with each other when the father comes home after being a war captive for like…12 years MUST SEE)
  • Der Baader Meinhof Komplex (movie about famous German left extremists, the RAF and their terrorist attacks)
  • Der Schuh des Manitu (THE single best German comedy to ever exist. It makes fun of Cowboy movies/books that are super popular in Germany. You’ll cry of laughter seeing Native Americans with a Bavarian accent - which also means your language level should be really high, or you won’t understand a thing. Uh, obviously don’t watch if you think white comedians playing Native Americans is racist even when it’s satire)
  • Der Untergang (the last days in thr life of Adolf Hitler. You’ll probably have heard of that one, too. MUST SEE)
  • Die Blechtrommel (God, I don’t know how to describe this one. Basically, a movie about a child who decides he doesn’t want to grow anymore and observes the world of the adults around him?)
  • Die Fälscher (again, dealing with World War II, and people in concentration camps who were tasked with copying money of other countries)
  • Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei (a movie about three rebels who break into rich people’s houses only to rearrange their furniture and tell them to revise their morals - until one of them catches them in the act and they abduct him for a weekend. MUST SEE)
  • Die Feuerzangenbowle (THE classic movie. about the German school system. An older guy pretending to be a student at an elite high school. Also gave the name to a drink you will find a lot on Christmas markets)
  • Effie Briest (another novel adaptation about a young woman whose marriage is arranged and who loses everything when she cheats on her husband)
  • Ein Freund von mir (two guys who are completely different building a very strange friendship)
  • Elementarteilchen (about the lives of two brothers who were separated after birth, and the completely different lives they lead)
  • Fack Ju Göhte (no links yet, it only came out last year, a new comedy about the German school system, and absolute must-see, if you happen to find a link one day)
  • Gegen die Wand (a Turkish girl fake-marrying a German addict in an attempt to escae her family. MUST SEE)
  • Goodbye Lenin (a beautiful movie/comedy about a family and the German reunification. MUST SEE)
  • Im Winter ein Jahr (a family dealing with the loss of their son/brother)
  • Kabale und Liebe (a superb adaptation of Schiller’s play. bsjdhkdjk)
  • Kebab Connection (…I don’t even know how to describe this movie. Just watch it. Very multi/transcultural and hilarious)
  • Keinohrhasen (a douche has to do community service at a kindergarten - and finds that the girl he used to bully as a kid is now his superior. uh-oh. It’s super funny)
  • Kirschblüten - Hanami  (a dude travelling to Japan to understand and be close to his late wife) 
  • Lola rennt ( a movie about a couple in a dangerous situation - and three possible outcomes)
  • Schiller (ah boy, this was a TV production, so I couldn’t find a link. A brilliant movie about the life of Germany’s best playwright, if you ask me)
  • Soul Kitchen (a comedy about a guy trying to keep his restaurant afloat and keeping his brother out of a life of petty crime)
  • Sophie Scholl - die letzten Tage (a movie about the last days in the life of Sophie Scholl and her brother, who were part of the resistance against the Nazis)
  • Vincent will Meer (a guy with tourette syndrom, a girl with an eating disorder and a guy with OCD break out of their psychiatric clinic to go to the sea. MUST SEE)
  • Was nützt die Liebe in Gedanken? ( a movie based on a real story, about a group of teenagers vowing to commit suicide once they do not feel any love anymore)
  • Wer früher stirbt ist länger tot (a comedy about a kid who does a lot of nonsense and when told that he is the reason his mother dies, blames himself, feares that he has to go to hell, and tries to make up for his sins by finding his dad a new wife. Hilarious. Again, tho, super strong Bavarian accent, beware!)

And if you want to watch a few good German TV-shows:

  • Türkisch für Anfänger (ABSOLUTE MUST SEE TV SERIES OMG WATCH IT!!! It deals with a German-Turkish patchwork family and it is hilarious)
  • Tatort Münster (basically a procedural crime show. There are a lot of Tatorts, but this is the only one that is always good. you’ll find a lot of the episodes on youtube)
  • Der letzte Zeuge (a show about a coroner solving crimes)
Half-Sister, All Burden

Dean x Sam x Reader

Reader (Adam’s sister) living with Sam and Dean in the bunker. Dean hates the reader but she made the ultimate sacrifice for him.

Warning: Character Death, Abuse

Tags: @imascreamerbabymakemeamute

Half-Sister, All Burden Part 1

Part 2 

“I am sorry guys, I didn’t think that the vampire would …” I said

“You didn’t think? You almost killed Sam!” Dean yelled.

I looked down, afraid of looking into Dean’s disappointed eyes. This was my worse nightmare ever since I started hunting with my half-brothers Sam and Dean. I was afraid that one day I would get one of them killed.

“Dean, it’s not her fault! She almost got killed too!” Sam tried to reason with Dean.

“Better her than you.” Dean said under his breath. Sam did not hear it but I did. Dean thought that I did not hear it because he rushed to help Sam into a chair to check his injuries. Sam had a rather ugly cut on his abdomen.

“CASS!! We need you here!” Dean yells. A slight flutter of wings and the angel appeared. Cass did not ask questions and went straight to healing Sam. I looked at them and realized one thing. They were the original trio. Two brothers and an angel. I was just a burden that they had to bear. After Adam and mom died, they took me in because “I was family.” Honestly, they did it because the felt guilty for leaving Adam in the cage with Lucifer.

I rushed into my room before either of them saw the tears in my eyes. It hurt, knowing that I was a burden and that I was not wanted there. I walked into my room, shut the door and collapsed onto the floor. There was a sharp pain on my thigh where I fell into some broken glass. I slowly got off the floor and started taking off my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from yelling out in pain.

There was long gnash on my thigh. I guessed the adrenaline kept me from feeling the pain. Suddenly, the room started to spin. The next thing I know, I was on the floor and then, there was darkness.

My eyes opened slowly. It was like in the movies where the unconscious person slowly regains consciousness. Everything went from blurry to HD in about five seconds and three blinks of the eye. I was on my bed. It smelt like it. I heard some awful yelling only to realize that Sam and Dean were having a full blown argument just five feet away from me. I closed my eyes and pretended I was still asleep.

“She is nothing more than a burden. If she had told us she was hurt, none of this would be necessary!” Dean yelled.

“Dean, you were too worried about rubbing her mistake into her face to even check her for injuries. This is your fault Dean!” Sam replied, slightly agitated.

“She almost got you killed Sam! What was I supposed to do? You are my brother! She is nothing more than dad’s bastard of a daughter!” Dean said.

“You are just jealous because she had a normal life and you did not! Face it Dean, she is our sister! We are supposed to be loving brothers.” Sam argued. Dean said nothing more and stormed out. I heard Sam pull a chair and the next thing I knew, he was holding my hand.

“Y/N, I know we have not been the best brothers in the world. I am so sorry. I should have have taken better care of you when Dean did not. In some ways, I understand you, being the younger one. But don’t worry. It will all change now. I promise, you won’t ever be a burden to us.” Sam said.

I decided that it was time that I “woke up,” so I, channeled my inner actress and faked my awakening. I made sure I blinked a couple of times, moved around slowly and moaned in pain. I opened my eyes and saw a teary eyed Sam in front of me. Sam had a big smile on his face.

“You are awake, are you alright?” asked Sam.

“I am fine, what happened?” I asked.

“Well, you were hurt. There was a huge cut on your thigh. It was worse than my injury. Why didn’t you tell me or Dean?” He asked.

“I didn’t want to be a burden, sorry. I thought I could handle it myself. I am so sorry.” I said almost crying.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t apologize. You did not do anything wrong alright. You are not a burden. If anything, you are a gift to us. Don’t tell Dean, but I have always wanted a younger sister.” Sam said.

“I won’t tell Dean. Thank you Sam.” I said.

“Call me Sammy, like Dean does.” Sam said, holding my hand.

“Okay Sammy, I love you.” I said hesitantly.

“I love you to sissy. Get some rest, I will bring you food later.” Sam said. Sam stood up, gave me a kiss on my forehead and left my room. I felt a little better and for the first time, I felt like I was loved. I rolled over and slept with a smile on my face.

After that incident, Sam and I had become closer. He and I would spend hours reading books together in the library. He convinced Dean that I could stay in the bunker and provide information to them while they were on hunts. It proved to be a good idea as I helped them crack a few of their hard cases. Sam was very proud of me and would tell me so.

Dean on the other hand was different. He started to treat me worse. He would only talk to me because Sam was in the room. When Sam was not around, he would ignore me completely. I figured that I could not be too greedy. I assumed that Dean was jealous that I was spending more time with Sam. He made sure that there were always out on cases so I would have less time with Sam. Sam realized what he was doing but did not confront him.

“Y/N, we found a case. It is in Michigan.” Sam said while standing outside my room door.

“What? But you guys just got back yesterday. Don’t you guys need to rest and recover?” I asked. Honestly, I just wanted some quality time with Sam. I missed him while he went on hunts.

“I know sissy, but Dean says that it is important and there were no other hunters around to help.” he said, looking at me sadly.

“Well, I guess that can’t be helped. I missed you though.” I said. Sam came in a sat beside me on the bed.

“I know that Dean has been doing this because he is jealous that we are together so much. I should have said something, I am sorry baby.” Sam said. He only called me baby when he wanted to make sure I did not get angry.

“I know too. Don’t worry. He is your brother first. I come second. I am okay with it, as long as both of you come back in one piece. Contrary to what you may think, I do love Dean too. I love him like how I loved daddy. Dean is a lot like daddy.

“Baby, I promise I will talk to Dean about this alright. I also promise to make sure Dean and I come back in one piece. I love you so much.” Sam said, giving me a big hug.

“I love you both, my big brothers!” I said, returning the hug.

“We’ll be back in a couple of days. We will check in every night and whenever we need too. Behave!” Dean said, standing outside my door. Sam huffed in frustration and turned toward Dean to say something but I replied before he could.

“Yes Dean, I will. Don’t worry about me.” I said. Sam turned around me and he mouthed an apology to me. He stood up and followed Dean. I took a deep breath and looked around my room. Another few days of being alone.

I spent the next few days cleaning the bunker. I washed all the bed sheets, deep cleansed the kitchen and dusted the place. When I wasn’t cleaning, I was knee deep in the lore, trying to help Sam and Dean with the up and coming monster.

After I had identified the monster, I went back to bed. It was already midnight and I was exhausted from all the work. I slept well, knowing my brothers will be back the next day. Around four in the morning, I received a call from Sam. I immediately panicked. I was worried something had happen to either of them.

“Sam! What’s wrong?” I asked. My heart was racing.

“It’s Dean, he got hurt bad. He might not make it.” said Sam. His voice was breaking.

“Where you you guys? I will be there as soon as I can.” I said. I got up and started stripping off my pajamas.

“Michigan General Hospital, drive safe sissy.” Sam said. I was heartbroken. I could sense that if Dean died, Sam would be devastated. I wished that it was me that was dying. Then, an idea hit me. I knew what I had to do.

“Sam, don’t worry. Dean will pull through. I promise you.” I said before hanging up.

There was only one way to save Dean. I put on my clothes, collected several items and then left. I was scared of what I was about to do. But I was more afraid of losing Dean.

“Hello darlin, what do I owe the pleasure?” Crowley asked.

“My brother, Dean. Save him.” I said.

“What are you willing to offer, my sweet young thing?” Crowley asked, stroking my cheek. I looked in Crowley’s eyes and sensed some sympathy, well, enough for the King of Hell.

“Anything.” I said. The next thing I knew, Crowley’s lips were on mine.

I walked in the hospital and saw Sam and Dean in the hallway. I ran straight towards Dean and gave him a big hug. The next thing I knew, I was violently pulled away from Dean.

“This is all your fault!” Dean yelled at me.

“What? I don’t understand!” I said. Did he know about the deal that I made?  

“If you had done your research, I would not have gotten hurt.” he said. Then, Sam yanked me away from Dean and into his arms. He held me close to himself.

“Dean, it is not her fault. We all did research and came up with the same conclusion. Don’t pin this on her, you selfish bastard!” Sam yelled at Dean. Sam then took my hand and pulled me out with him.

“Where the hell do you think you are going?” Dean asked.

“I am riding with Y/N!” Sam yelled back. I tried to stop Sam but he was too strong for me. I let him pull me out of the hospital. Sam opened the passenger seat door and gently shoved me inside the car. He then went around and got in the driver’s seat. We were on the road in five seconds.

It has been three weeks since Sam left Dean in Michigan. It has been an incredibly stressful week for all three of us. Sam and Dean were talking more these day, it seems like they have solved their issues. Sam has been extra loving to me. He spent more time with me. I took full advantage of it, knowing I only had a week before my time was up.

I yelled Sam’s name. No answer. I walked out to his room. He was not there. I checked the kitchen and then the library, no one but Dean. I walked in slowly. Dean was having a beer, at 10 a.m. It did not look good.

“Dean, where is Sam?” I asked.

“None of your business.” Dean said, gulping down the beer. Normally, I would have apologized and walked away. But since I only had days left, I figured that I should know the truth to why he hates me so much. I pulled a chair and sat in front of him.

“Why do you hate me so much Dean?” I asked, looking straight into his eyes.

“I don’t hate you. Why do you think I do?” Dean asked, looking away. I was furious. He was trying so hard to hide his hate for me. I made a deal to save his life and he won’t even look at me.

“Really? Ever since I you found out about me, you have treated me like shit. I tried everything I could to please you. I saved your… I am sorry that your duo became a trio. I am sorry dad did not treat you like he treated Adam and I. I am sorry I had a mother and you did not. But this is not a reason for you to just pretend I did not exist!” I yelled.

“Fine! I hate you! I hate that you had a better life with dad than me. I hate that you just barged into our lives and made us responsible for you. Most of all, I hate that you took Sammy away from me. You are nothing but a burden. You should have never been with us. If I could, I would put you in the cage with Lucifer!” Dean said. I was shocked. I did not know his hate had run so deep.

“Maybe your wish would come true.” I said. I stood up and walked out of the library.

That night, I wanted to spend the whole night with Sam. It would be my last night with my beloved brother. I would miss him the most. I faked being afraid of a nightmare to get him to stay with me. We spent the whole night talking and laughing. Sam finally slept beside me. I was awake. I spent about an hour watching him sleep. That was how I wanted to remember my brother, peaceful and happy.

Finally, I slowly got out of the bed so Sam would not wake up. I changed my clothes. I took one of Sam’s flannel and tied it around my waist. That way, I would have something of Sam’s with me. Then, I took Dean’s shirt and I wore it. I now have both of my brothers with me. I was ready for the consequence of the deal.

I walked out of the bunker. Outside, Crowley was already waiting for me. He saw the tears in my eyes.  I thought I saw him hesitate. Then he clicked his finger and we left.

Being in the cage with Lucifer was absolute hell. He was exactly how Sam described but ten times worse. He would fill my head with lies. He only mentally abused me. Apparently, Lucifer was a gentleman and would not hit a woman. That was the only good thing going for me. I was to be Lucifer’s punching bag. It keeps him from attacking the rest of hell. This went on for a long time.

— Sam’s POV

It has been almost five years since Y/N left. Dean and I have searched high and low for her. Nothing. I was devastated. Dean was sad too but somehow, I felt that he was hiding something. I never got to confronting him because I was afraid that he will leave me too. Fast forward to now, where I have to be in the cage with Lucifer to get him to work together with God.

I am afraid that Y/N is in hell. We found and killed a few crossroads demon before Crowley came and told us to “go to hell” when we asked if Y/N made a deal. I could have sworn that he knew something about Y/N. I did not press the issue. Part of me was afraid of what I would find out. The other part of me just missed her.

Now, I am about to be transported into Lucifer’s cage. I was nervous. I shook that feeling away and nodded to Crowley. He seemed a little hesitant but he motioned for Rowena to start the spell. In an instant, I was in the cage with Lucifer. He smiled at me and pointed behind me. I looked behind me, there was no one. Then I looked down and I saw her. My sister was in the cage.

I rushed to her. She seemed unharmed. There was no bruises on her body. I noticed that she was wearing Dean’s favorite t-shirt that he lost and on her waist, my flannel. I shook her and tried to wake her up. She did not move an inch. I turned around to Lucifer and was pushed down.

“Now, now, let’s not get antsy. I know you have many questions, but one at a time please.” Lucifer said with a smile on his face.

“What is she doing here?” I asked.

“She made a deal with dear ol’ Crowley. Simple as that.” Lucifer said.

“But why would she make a deal? We weren’t dying or anything. Sure we were hurt but both of us was not injured to the point of death except… Dean.” I said, looking down at my poor sister. I was mortified.

“Yup, dear sister made a deal to save her brother’s life. How touching. That is actually the reason why I was so nice to her. She knew what it felt to be abandoned by a loved one. The same way God forsook me, Dean forsook her.” Lucifer said.

I knelt down and held my sister’s body to my own. I felt the tears filling my eyes. I was filled with guilt and anger. I was angry at myself and Dean not knowing that she made a deal. I was guilty of not confronting Dean about mistreating her. I felt like a failure. I had failed my only sister.

“Enough of this sappy feelings. Let’s bring the guilty party into this court! I shall be the judge this time.” Lucifer said as he snapped his fingers.


“Dean Winchester! How do you plead?” asked Lucifer.

Worth The Wait- Stuart Twombly

Author- @maddie110201

Pairing- Stuart x Reader

Words- 6,249 (uhhhhh)

Warnings- mentions of sexual assault (PLEASE DO NOT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED), smut, fluff, swearing, idk of anything else

AN: I stated this months ago but decided to finish it and post it for Stu week! I really hope y’all enjoy this because i’m super proud of it!

Also, thanks to @dylan-trash-tbh for proofreading this for me. I love you, Bee!!!! <3 And also a big thanks to @thelittlestkitsune for keeping me motivated and believing me!!!!! ;P

Originally posted by dylanholyhellobrien

It was a Thursday night in the middle of August. The weather outside was rainy and cold and I could hear the sound of the wind rustling against the windows. I was sat alone in the library of my university, the only other person here being the little old librarian. She reminded me of my grandma: sweet and funny, and she always smelled like cinnamon. She also told the best stories, her stories.

I got up to put the book that I had just finished in the drop box.

“Finished already sweetheart? Didn’t you just start reading that about two hours ago?” I heard her sweet voice speak up.

I chuckled lightly, “I am. But you know me, I love to read.” I spoke softly. It was true though, the minute I open a book, I get lost in the beautiful words that litter the tattered pages.

Keep reading

Dating Alex Standall would include...

REQUESTED BY:

Anonymous: hi, I really liked your ‘dating zach would include’ thing and I was wondering if you can do something similiar with alex :)💗

-

-

- Alex was murmuring some sort of internet-meme joke when Justin made a fool of himself in class, and no one heard it except you, which was why you bursted out laughing – causing everyone to look at you oddly.

- Alex thought this was cute though, since not many people understand his humour, sarcastic and sassy.

- One day during class, he gets picked on for a maths question, to save his embarrassment of not knowing the question, you answer it for him, so he waits outside after class for you to finish asking the teacher a homework question just to say thanks for saving his ass.

“ You really saved my life in there, me and math are clearly not a match made in heaven.”

- You offering to tutor him but he turns it down bc poor Alex is too awkward at first.

- He finally gives in, and your friendship blossoms from there.

- AWKWARD ALEX TRYING TO PRETEND LIKE HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING BUT YOU KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH AND ALWAYS HELP WITH WHATEVER IT IS HE’S STRUGGLING WITH.

- You catch him staring at you in class and he plays it off by ‘dropping’ his pen on the floor or faking a massive cough fit. (This is how I personally deal with awkward situations LMAO)

- Everyone being suspicious on how he was acting towards you.

“I have to cancel our study session today, I’ve got a date – well hopefully I do.”

“Who’s the lucky girl, Standall?”

“I was actually hoping it’d be you…” FKN SWEETHEART I CAN IMAGINE HIM SAYING THIS AND PLAYING WITH HIS JACKET SLEEVE AND STARING ON THE GROUND IT’S SO CUTE

- Sending each other SO MANY memes. And I mean SPAMMING LEVEL.

- Poor Alex getting teased so much when you guys became official. Mainly because the boys were not used to Alex talking to girls.

- A lot of the guys try to flirt with you to piss Alex off for fun, but their tactics don’t work on you – bc Alex is an angel and you’re so grateful to be his girlfriend.

“They’re idiots, don’t worry about them,” he says, before putting his arm around your shoulder and walking away.

- Alex needs to vent A LOT, because he keeps a lot of his emotions inside, and being the kind hearted person that you are, you’re always there to listen.

- When either of you are sad, it’s an automatic call for a cuddle session, usually on the couch, usually with pizza delivery and usually with a massive fluffy blanket.

“Wow you seem like you love that blanket more than me. Why are you snuggling it and leaving ME, it feels like the north pole over here!”

- *The type of person that says horror movies don’t scare them but starts shaking 10 minutes in.*

- HE EATS AND PRETENDS TO LEAN IN FOR A KISS, ONLY TO BLOW HIS FOOD BREATH AT YOUR FACE

- You being the first person to ever see him cry, and the sight of him in such despair broke you heart.

- However, even though it’s you, he still has trouble with confiding his thoughts with you. Especially when he thought that you’d be sick and tired of what he thought, was a whiny attitude.

- You and Alex would never have fights, unless it was about him keeping things from you; him not wanting you to be upset or think badly of him, or leave him for his insecurities.

- You’d have to reinforce it to him SO MANY times, but don’t worry, he’s improving.

- You guys pull strengths from each other – in other words, he completes you and you make him feel the same. Alex doesn’t really have anyone to rely on, to trust, to love, but that changed when he met you. But this also means that he is extremely scared of losing you.

“I love you, you know that right?”

“Yes Alex, and I love you too!”

“Please don’t ever leave me, I know I’m not perfe-”

“ALEX STANDALL. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, I LOVE YOU”

- ALWAYS asking for your opinion about EVERYTHING. Clothes. Studying. Life. Name it.

- He’s always texting you in the middle of class whenever you guys have different subjects, 99.8% of the time it’s bitching about how boring school is, or how annoying everyone is or that he’s counting down the minutes until he gets to see you.

- SARCASM ON SARCASM ON SARCASM. THIS BOY’S MIDDLE NAME MIGHT AS WELL BEEN SARCASM.

- You getting slightly scraped when you fell to the ground trying to separate his fight with Montgomery in the carpark.

- When he saw the cut on your elbow, he could have thrown Mr Porter into Montgomery’s Jeep and try to beat the shit out of Monte but he didn’t want to leave you hurt and by yourself.

- As much as you love Alex, he is incredibly stubborn and will refuse to believe that he is ever wrong, until you start ignoring him and that’s when it finally makes sense to him.

- Forehead kisses bc even though you’ve been dating for a while, the bOY IS STILL AWKWARD AF SOMETIMES so he just goes for the forehead, he finds it affectionate and adorable. (Plus he wants to smell your hair bc it’s always a nice flowery scent)- weird but very true

- Resting his head on your shoulder, or lying on your lap, explaining to you his dilemma of dorky things.

“ I don’t know whether I should read the Harry Potter series again, or watch the movies AND THEN read the books!” He says frustratedly.

“Why should it matter, goodness you’re such a geek!”

“I’m a cute one though.”

“I’d have to agree on that.”

————————————

FEEL FREE TO REQUEST ME ABOUT ANYTHING: I can do any character in 13 Reasons Why!

Note: Yes, the main message of 13 Reasons Why was to raise awareness for mental illness, peer pressure, rape and suicide, and how it can affect the lives of not only the victim, but those around them. 

If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me, or if not, talk to someone – an adult/parents/friends. :)