yes i do know that the book has 17 chapters and not 16

anonymous asked:

Hey!!!! Dumb question but what exactly is the Iliad?


The Short Version: A yarn about blokes getting shitmixed in a war over Miss Hellenic Beauty Champion because some gods thought it would be a Lol.

The Long Version: A Homeric epic poem passed down through spoken word over generations that was penned down in about 800 BC. In the mythological timeline, it ends the Age of Heroes (by wasting them all). It covers the Greek seige of Troy, a whole lotta gods Messing With Shit, a Poseidon who needs anger management, a few hundred names and lots of General Epicness ft Diomedes and Patroklus. Sit back my buddy, let’s go through a quick summary of the books.

Book 1: Apollo ghettoblasts the Greeks with Pain because Agamemescunt kidnapped his priestess Chryseis. Being a douchebag, Agadouchebag Mr Steals Yo Girl from Achilles, which leads to  in͟ten̛şȩ ͟śul͜ki͢n̶g͡ . Achilles’ divine Ma brokers a deal with the Zeus goose (not literally thank goodness, although it’s a definite possibility) so that the Greeks won’t win until they realize how fucked they are without Achilles and go crawling back to him for help.

Book 2: Zeus messes with Agafuckface by telling him to attack Troy. Agamemhoe messes with Zeus by telling his entire army to fuck off back to Greece. Odysseus, with Athena’s help, pistol-whips Agaiceheart back into place with a stick. There are 31 paragraphs of names about Greeks and 16 paragraphs of names about Trojans going to war. The epic story continues.

Book 3: The armies meet. Memealaus (sorry, Menelaus) and Paris decide to have a 1v1 to end this shindig. Paris is saved by Aphrodite and a cloud because he is a Weak Bitch, so we gear up for another 9 years and 11 months of war. Helen tells Aphrodite to go fuck Paris herself if she likes him so much, but Aphrodite threatens Godly Bitch Revenge is Helen ever talks back to her like that again.

Book 4: Menelaus gets grazed by an arrow. Like a football player with a stubbed toe, this means war. He also apparently had ‘shapely thighs and fair ankles’. Watch out for the Zeus eagle, boi. Fighting commences. Diomedes appears. He is awesome, as usual. We continue to the next chapter.

Book 5: Pretty much an entire chapter about Diomedes being a son of a gun and killing fucking everything thanks to Athena. A dude called Sthenelus gets a rock hard boner watching all of this. Aeneas thinks it’s a good idea to take on Diomedes. Mistake. Big Mama Aphrodite has to save him, also with a cloud. Diomedes hasn’t quite reached Critical Awesome yet, so he stabs Ares and Aphrodite as well. Hera calls Ares a little bitch and we carry on.

Book 6: Just a lot of death really. Diomedes was going to kill a bloke, but they realize they are family friends, so just do a little swapsie of armour. Hector gives Paris a spray for being a cowardly little bitch, Paris agrees, and they set off for battle.

Book 7: Hector decides to 1v1 and get this over with. Menelaus tries to accept, but his wingmen Restrain Him. Ajax gets picked out of a hat to fight, but after a bit of a tussle it gets dark, so the fighting pair give each other presents and go home for the night. The next day, they all take a holiday from fighting and the Greeks build a wall. Poseidon is triggered. (reason here.)

Book 8: Due to Poseidon being triggered, Zeus forbids any godly interference on both sides of the war. Hera and Poseidon bitch about Zeus as the Greeks get casually wreckt by the Trojans, but decide not to act on it. Lucky for the Greeks, the Trojans decide sleeping is better than winning, so leave off for the night.

Book 9: The Greeks hit Fuck It and decide to grovel to Achilles for help. Before they do, Diomedes gives Agasaggytitnon a spray for being a douchebag, and everyone agrees that he is indeed a douchebag. Sthenelus probably pops another boner. Back in the tent with the power pair, Achilles and Patroklus, Patroklus tries to be the polite bf to the pleading Greeks, but Achilles is still thinks Agamoomoo called him a ‘vile tramp’ so refuses to help. The drama continues.

Book 10: Odysseus and BAMF Diomedes go on a sneak mission and  heroically stab the Trojans in their sleep. They also heroically steal some horses. The epic heroism continues.

Book 11: Hector takes a leaf out of Diomedes’ book and decides to shitmix the Greeks. He successfully shitmixes the Greeks, giving Agamugface a well-deserved arm wound. Paris shoots Diomedes in the foot, but Diomedes literally does not give a shit. Some random dude gives Odysseus a bit of a stab, Ajax gets Confused By Zeus but survives, but things still look Grim. Sweetheart Patroklus sees the Grimness and decides to try and use his wiles to break Achilles out of his Uber Sulk.

Book 12: The Trojans continue to roadhaul the Greeks, which will come back to bite Hector, but we do meet a dude called Thootes. He doesn’t do shit, but his name is great. There is graphic violence, and the Trojans go to chuck a Greek ship on the barbie. 

Book 13: Poseidon rises from the sea, back being a buddy to the Greeks now the his great enemy The Triggering Greek Wall has been overcome.There is a shit ton of fighting wherein the Greeks do well and Poseidon is happy because he’s getting vengeance for his other traumatic wall experience.

Book 14: Hera sees Poseidon disobeying Zeus and getting sweet wall vengeance and while probably thinking she married the wrong brother, decides to use Titty Distraction so that the Greeks don’t get chucked on the Trojan barbie. Titty Distraction predictably works A+ and the Trojans get slightly shat on with gratuitous eyeball violence. Hector gets hit by a rock and almost has the most anticlimactic death since Amycus, who suffered death by Elbow Punch.

Book 15: Zeus wakes, calls Hera a scurvy knave and tells Poseidon to Fight Him. Poseidon does not want to Fight Him, so melts back into the ocean and stops helping the Greeks. Apollo resurrects Hector from his rock to the face and the Trojans joyously return to their mission to barbeque the Greek ships.

Book 16: Honeyboo Patroklus (still on his way to Achilles since Book 11) sees Apollo and his Brojans on the warpath and breaks Achilles’ heart with Man Tears. While Achilles and Patbroklus have a very, very long, heartfelt conversation, the Trojans start to toast the Greek ships. Achilles gives (yes gives) Patroklus his armour and tells him to fuck shit up, but not to win without him. Fighting commences, we discover the word hurly-burly, Sarpedon dies in a shower of Zeus-induced blood rain and Patroklus becomes Diomedes 2.0 until he is gang bashed by Hector, Apollo, a literal god, and some awkward random called Euphorbus. Sasstroklus delivers a final fuck you, pulls the finger at all three of his killers and blazes it down to Hades.

Book 17: Hector takes Achilles’ armour off Patroklus, marking him as target #1 for the Sulk King. The Trojans and the Greeks spend an entire chapter having a tug of war with Patroklus’ body. Ajax and Menelaus comment mildly on how Zeus is helping out the Trojans, and the god shines a bit of sunlight in chagrin for being called out. The Greeks win the tug of war thanks to Double Ajax Tactics.

Book 18: In which Achilles goes nuts. Everybody has a cry because Patroklus was a Swell Guy (seriously,as swell as a Hawaiian surf that guy). Achilles goes and therapy-screams at the Trojans, who see the mad bloke and back the fuck off -  rightfully so, as Achilles is planning some good old human sacrifice to his dead ‘rider’ Patroklus. Meanwhile, Hephaestus quick-smelts some smashing new armour for Achilles with his household robots.

Book 19: Achilles gets dolled up for battle. Agadickbutt and Odysseus try to placate the madman with gifts, including Briseis, the dame Agamemnope stole from Achilles, but Achilles’ quota of fucks has run out indefinitely. He saddles up and gets ready to fuck up his bae killer.

Book 20: Zeus R͡ELE҉ASE͜S̵ ͝T̀H͜E͡ ́ǴO̷D͞S͝ and lets them play for whichever team they like, so long as Achilles doesn’t sack Troy just quite yet. It’s probably a friendly game similar to football in god terms. Athena invents the spear boomerang, Hera and Poseidon do some casual sunbathing, while Achilles paints the town red rather literally. 

Book 21: Achilles finds men too weak and decides to take on a literal river (Scamander). Achilles realizes this was A̴ B̸ad ̶I͜de͟a͡ and decides he’ll stick to men. We’re not sure whether Diomedes would have backed off from a river, but I guess we’ll never know. Apollo saves a dude called Agenor from Achilles molestation and in doing so also saves the Brojans. The epic story continues.

Book 22: Apollo says surprise Achilles, tricked ya into chasing me boi, I’m immortal. Achilles stares him dead in the eye for a full minute then says ‘fuck you’ and rides off back to Troy. Hector decides it’s time for another 1v1, but at the last minute considers that this idea was insane and fuckin legs it. Achilles chases Hector around the wall of Troy three times presumably to this soundtrack. Hector finally stops to fight, and thanks to the Athena Spear Boomerangᵀᴹ, Achilles avenges his Patroklus. Hector performs the minor miracle of talking whilst having a spear sticking out of his throat before he dies, then Troy’s hero gets roadhauled and everyone is Sad. 

Book 23: Ghost Patroklus pays Achilles a visit, like a sexy Obi wan Kenobi and tells Achilles to bury him already. Patghostklus also beseeches that their bones be laid (ha) together when Achilles inevitably gets fucked on by Fate. Achilles says of course bby I was gonna do that anyway, and tries to make out with a ghost, but this isn’t a Whoopi Goldberg type deal, so Patroghost gets sent back down under. They put the fun in funeral by having games and giving out toasters and such as prizes.

Book 24 (The End): After ‘yearning after the might and manfulness of Patroklus’, Achilles continues to roadhaul Hector until Apollo gives his fam a spray about the dishonour of it. Hera says he’s only mortal scum so who gives a fuck and Zeus says chill wife and commands Achilles to RE̵L͘E̡A̷S͢E ̴T́HȨ H̀ȨC̕T̵O̷R͡ (sorry I can’t help it). With Hermes as a bodyguard, Priam (Hector’s dad) goes to get the body back. Achilles and Priam have a man-cry bonding moment over Dead Loved Ones, Hector is whisked off to be buried and there ends the Iliad! There’s none of the ankle-shooting, wooden-horse-building shenanigans in there, they all come in later texts such as the Aeneid and Ovid, although I still can’t find the exact text where Achilles gets shot. If y’all know, send me the link ;)  I fucking found it nvm

Anyhoo, that was…Jeez, that was The Iliad (aka the longest post in existence). Well, my retold, abridged more slightly less serious version.It’s definitely worth a read, if you can get past all the names!

Check out more Greek Stories here :D

Hello Detective (Chapter 17)

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9   Part 10   Part 11   Part 12   Part 13   Part 14   Part 15   Part 16   Part 17   Part 18   Part 19   Part 20   Part 21   Part 22   Part 23   Part 24   Part 25   Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Part 29  Part 30  Part 31  Part 32  Part 33  Part 34   Part 35   Part 36   Part 37   Part 38  Part 39   Part 40     Part 41   Part 42   Part 43   Part 44   Part 45   Part 46   Part 47   Part 48   Part 49   Part 50  Part 51  Part 52  Part 53  Part 54  Part 55   Part 56  Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60

You all made it back to Sherlock’s flat where all the books were still stacked.

“They’ll be back in China by tomorrow.” John said as Sherlock took of his coat and scarf.

“No they won’t leave without what they came for. We need to find their hideout. A rendezvous. Somewhere in this message it must tell us.” Sherlock said, running his hand over the pictures on the wall.

“Well, I think perhaps I should leave you to it.” Sarah said awkwardly

“No, you don’t have to go. You can stay.” John said at the same time as Sherlock said, “Yes, it’d be better if you left now.”

“He’s kidding please stay if you’d like.” John said, covering up for Sherlock’s behavior.

“Is it just me or is anyone else starving?” Sarah asked nicely.

“Oh, God.” Sherlock groaned. You stepped on his foot forcefully to shut him up. “Ow.” He whispered while giving you a dirty look. You glared back.

John went to the kitchen to look for some food. You knew there was never anything in that fridge but body parts. Sherlock sat down at his desk and began looking through all the evidence again. You stood next to him and did the same. Sarah was roaming around the sitting room, inspecting everything.

“So this is what you do. You solve puzzles for a living.” Sarah asked.

“Consulting detective.” Sherlock corrected her rudely.

“Oh. And you too.” She asked me.

“No, I actually work for Scotland Yard.” You said smiling.

“What are these squiggles?” Sarah asked, now standing on the other side of Sherlock, pointing down to the pictures.

“They’re numbers. An ancient Chinese dialect.” Sherlock said, his patience wearing thin.

“Oh, right. Well, of course I should have known that.” Sarah said. Sarah picked up one of the papers and Sherlock looked as if he was going to blow a gasket. You squeezed his arm highly and shook your head. Silently telling him to behave.

“So these numbers, it’s a cipher?” Sarah asked.

“Exactly.” Sherlock said through gritted teeth.

“And each pair of numbers is a word?” She said again. The two of you looked at her, extremely surprised.

“How did you know that?” You asked.

“Well. two words have already been translated, here.” She said pointing to the picture that we had brought to Soo Lin and Dimmock must have brought back from the museum.

“Soo Lin must have started to translate the code for us. We didn’t see it. ‘Nine’ ‘mill’.” He read.

“Nine million quid. For what?” You asked.

“We need to know the end of this sentence. Ugh the museum, the restoration room. We must have been staring right at it.” He groaned as he slipped on his coat.

“At what?” John asked, emerging from the kitchen.

“The book John, the book. The key to cracking the cipher. Soo Lin used it to do this. Whilst we were running around the gallery, getting shot at. She started to translate the code. It must be on her desk.” Sherlock yelled as he ran out of the flat.

“He’s certainly something else, isn’t he.” Sarah stated. You smiled and nodded.

Suddenly a phone buzzed and interrupted your thoughts. It was Sarah’s, she read it quickly.

“Oh hell. It’s the hospital. I’m so sorry, one of my patients has gone into labor.” She said, scurrying to get her things. After some goodbyes she left the flat.

“Are you hungry?” John asked.

“Actually yeah.” You answered.

“I’ll order takeaway.” He stated and walking into the kitchen to get the phone.

You tried to clear the table a little while John ordered some food. After a couple minutes you heard a knock at the door. You were taking off your jacket as John went downstairs to get it.You heard a bang downstairs.

“John, is everything okay?” You asked, standing up. The moment you turned around you saw him. Zhi Zhu. You made a move for your gun but he was too quick. He pulled his arm back and his gun made contact with your head, knocking you out cold.

You woke up to the sound of a woman’s voice, it was one you recognized. Your head was pounding and your wrists were burning.

“A book is like a magic garden, carried in your pocket.” She said, as your eyes focused in the dark room you recognized her to be the woman from the circus. To your right was John, tied to a chair just like you. But you had a gag in your mouth, he didn’t. The ropes were digging into your wrists and you groaned from the pain in your head. You could feel the blood dried to the side of your face from being pistol whipped.

“Chinese proverb Mr. Holmes.” She said to John. You were sure you heard her right, she called John by Sherlock’s name.  He looked about as confused as you were.

“I’m not… I’m not Sherlock Holmes.” He argued.

“Forgive me if I do not take your word for it.” She said, reaching into the breast pocket of his jacket to get his wallet. He groaned in pain.

“Debit card, name of S Holmes.” You remembered Sherlock telling you a few days ago how John had gotten in a row with a machine at the store so he gave him his card.

“Yes, that’s not actually mine. He lent that to me.” John tried.

“And a check for 5,000 pounds made out in the name of Mr. Sherlock Holmes.” She said. You were the one who gave that to John to look after.

“Yeah, he gave me that to look after.” John said.

“Tickets from the theatre collected by you, name of Holmes.” She said. Sherlock was the one who booked the tickets. This was all just a huge misunderstanding. But yet here we are, kidnapped in the Black Lotus hideout.

“ I realise what this looks like. But I’m not him.” John said.

“We heard it from your own mouth. I am Sherlock Holmes and I always work alone.” She said. They must have been following us. John said that, mocking Sherlock, when he left the two of us outside at Soo Lin’s flat.

“Did I really say that? I suppose there’s no use me trying to persuade you I was doing an impression.” John began until the woman pulled out a small gun and pointed it at his head.You tried to yell ‘Stop’ but it just came out as muffled noise.

“I am Shan.” She said, John shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the gun was still pointed at his head. “Three times we tried to kill you and your companion, Mr. Holmes. What does it tell you when an assassin misses?” She said. ‘Misses!’ You tried to yell again. Hot metal slicing open your skin isn’t quite the same as missing. She smiled a creepy smile at you when she understood what you were trying to yell. She cocked her gun and slowly pulled the trigger. You squeezed your eyes together tightly, waiting for the sound, but it never came. The gun let out a quiet click, telling us it wasn’t loaded.

“It tells you that they’re not really trying.” She cooed. John and I let out a sigh of relief. She then proceeded to load the magazine into the gun. “Not blank bullets now. If we wanted to kill you, Mr. Holmes, we would have done it by now. We just wanted to make you inquisitive.Do you have it?

“Do I have what?” John asked, confused.

“The treasure.” She stated calmly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I would prefer to make certain..” This whole time you had been so worried about John that you neglected to look right in front of you. Then you did, that was your mistake. In front of you was the same large, wooden, crossbow seen in tonight’s show. When Shan unveiled it tears escaped your eyes. You tried to wiggle free but the robes wouldn’t budge.

“Everything in the West has its price. And the price for her life, information.” Shan said to John. Two men came and picked up your chair from the sides. They placed you right in front of the crossbow, so you were looking down the barrel, so to speak.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” John kept repeating as you cried and tried to yell.

“Where’s the hairpin? The Empress pin valued at nine million sterling?” Shan said. All you could think about was that arrow piercing through you.”We already had a buyer in the West, and then one of our people was greedy, he took it, brought it back to London, and you Mr. Holmes have been searching.”

“Please, please. Listen to me. I’m not Sherlock Holmes. You have to believe me I haven’t found whatever it is you’re looking for .” John pleaded.

“I need a volunteer from the audience.” Shan yelled.

“No, please, please!” John yelled.

“Ah, thank you, lady. Yes, you’ll do very nicely.” Shan said approaching you. You continued to wiggle, scream, and try to break free. All the while tears were streaming down your face. Shan pulled out her dagger and pierced the sandbag just as she had done in the show.

“Ladies and gentlemen, from the distant moonlit shores of NW1, we present for your pleasure, Sherlock Holmes’ pretty companion in a death-defying act.”

“Please!” John yelled once more.

Shan pulled an origami Lotus out of her pocket and placed it onto your lap. It was the same one found at Soo Lin’s death, the same we pulled out of Van Coon’s throat. They all meant the same thing. Death.

“You’ve seen the act before. How dull for you. You know how it ends.” Shan said, but all you wanted to do was ram your fist into her smug little face.

“I’m not Sherlock Holmes!” John yelled.

“I don’t believe you.” Shan yelled back.

“You should, you know.” A voice came from behind you as more tears spilled down your face.The weight was lowering closer and closer to the bowl, but you didn’t want him to see this.”Sherlock Holmes is nothing at all like him. How would you describe me, John? Resourceful? Dynamic? Enigmatic?”

“Late…” John sighed.

“That’s a semi-automatic. If you fire it, the bullet will travel at over 1,000 metres per second. The radius curvature of these walls is nearly four metres. If you miss, the bullet will ricochet. Could hit anyone. Might even bounce off the tunnel and hit you.” Sherlock spoke.

You felt the robes at your back being tugged. Then you realized Sherlock was behind you trying to untie them. As you turned around to look at him you saw Zhi Zhu strangling Sherlock with the red silks from the show. You turned back to the crossbow to see John scooting his chair closer and closer to it. He was so close before he fell to his side. The weight was an inch from the bowl. You closed your eyes, knowing what was to come.

You heard the sound of the crossbow release.

You opened your eyes slowly to the scene around you. John was lying on his side, still tied to the chair. The crossbow was turned to the side. Zhi Zhu laid on the floor with the arrow deeply imbedded in him. Sherlock was behind you, trying to untangle himself from the silk. Shan was running down the corridor, never to be seen again.

As Sherlock threw the silks off of him he bent down to untie you. Your heart was pumping so hard.

“It’s all right. You’re going to be all right. It’s over now.” Sherlock said softly. He removed the gag from your mouth and moved in front of you to help you stand up. He grabbed both of your hands and gently lead you to your feet. You wrapped your arms around him and held on tight. When you released he brought his hands to your cheek to wipe your tears. While his hand still rested on your cheek, you boldly placed yours on the back of his head. You ran your fingers through his curls and pressed your lips to his. He seemed surprised at first, but after a second he kissed you back. You slowly pulled away.

“Thank you for saving my life.” You whispered. He smiled, his eyes full of compassion.

Sherlock called Dimmock and his team to tell him we had found the Black Lotus’ hideout. They were there within a few minutes. Sherlock took of his coat and placed it around your bare arms.

“We’ll just slip off. No need to mention us in your report.” Sherlock said to Dimmock.

“Mr. Holmes…” Dimmock began, but Sherlock cut him off.

“I have high hopes for you, Inspector. A glittering career.” Sherlock said, beginning to walk off.

“I go where you point me.” Dimmock said.

“Exactly.” Sherlock said, joining you.

When we made it to a cab Sherlock read us the cipher. Nine mill for jade pin, dragon den black tramway. He said it was instructions for all their London operatives. A message. What they were trying to reclaim. When the cabbie stopped in front of your flat, Sherlock insisted that he go in with you, just to make sure you’re okay.

You unlocked the door to your flat and had a strong urge to just fall into bed. You hadn’t slept in it for days. Some kind of vacation this was. You took off Sherlock’s large coat and hung it up on the rack next to the door.

“Would you like some tea?” You asked him.

“Sure.” He smiled.

“Great. There’s the kitchen.” You pointed and smirked. He laughed and got up and made two cups of tea.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. Make yourself at home, turn on the TV.” You suggested as you stepped into your room. After a quick shower you examined the wound on your head. You have never been pistol whipped before. Definitely wasn’t fun. You decided that it wasn’t deep enough to require stitches, just a butterfly bandage would do. You could tell a bruise was starting to form under it, fun.

After slipping on some grey sweatpants like shorts and a pink tanktop you re joined Sherlock in the living room.  He was shouting things abusively at the TV.

You smiled and sat next to him on the couch. He handed you your cup of tea, along with two pills.

“Take these. It will help with the pain,” He said, you thanked him and took the pills. You sat next to him for a few hours and watched TV. You laughed at how petty and uneducated they were. Keeping Up with the Kardashians seemed to be the only thing on, but it was fun to make fun of them. Soon you fell asleep on Sherlock’s shoulder. He lifted you off the couch and placed you in your bed. Your eyes fluttered open as he pulled the blankets over you.

“Sherlock…” You whispered as he was leaving the room, he turned around at the sound of your voice.

“Please stay,” you said, placing your hand on the open place on your king sized bed, “I just, don’t want to be alone tonight.”

He nodded, clearly he was tired too. He slipped off his shoes and crawled under the covers. You fell asleep only minutes later, but you felt safer with him by your side.

Hours had passed just fine, until you started to have a nightmare. You could see the weight lowering into the bowl, but this time, it wasn’t you in front of the crossbow, it was Sherlock. You were tied up across from him, Shan holding a gun to your head. As the weight hit the bowl and the arrow made contact with Sherlock’s body you jolted away, a scream escaped your lips. Your breathing was heavy and you noticed you had woken Sherlock up too.

“Hey, shh. It was just a dream. Everything’s fine. I’m right here.” Sherlock whispered, wrapping his arms around you as tears escaped your lips.

“Promise you’ll never leave me.” You cried.

“I promise. I could never leave you.” He said, rubbing soothing circles into your back. He pulled you down, your head resting on his chest. You fell asleep with his arms wrapped around you.

The next morning you woke up, alone in your bed. Your heart sunk until you heard clanging in the kitchen. You crawled out of bed and wrapped your robe around you. You saw Sherlock in the kitchen with his hair a mess and his sleeves rolled up. You smiled at the sight.

“Goodmorning.” You smiled as you saw him cooking.

“Ah, she lives.” He joked. He turned around the handed you a cup of tea.

“Thank you. I didn’t know you cooked.” You said.

“I don’t usually. My kitchen is a little messy.” He smiled.

“Of course. Now don’t get any ideas about sticking eyeballs in my microwave. I’d like to get my security deposit back someday. I don’t need you blowing things up in here.” You smirked and sipped your tea.

“We’ll have to go back to the bank today.” Sherlock stated. You nodded and ate your breakfast.

You slipped into a simple black sleeveless dress with white trim around the bottom. Accompanied with some small white heel you were ready to go. Luckily your wound was easily covered by your hair.

As you were walking out the door, you thanked Sherlock again for everything. For saving your life, for breakfast, for staying.

“Two operatives based in London.” Sherlock began as he helped you out of the cab. “They travel over to Dalian to smuggle those vases. One of them helps himself to something, a little hairpin.”

“Worth nine million pounds.” You added.

“Eddie Van Coon was the thief he stole the treasure when he was in China.” Sherlock said.

“How do you know it wasn’t Lukis? Even the killer didn’t know that.” You asked.

“Because of the soap.” Sherlock stated with a smile on his face.

We made it back up to the trading floor to see Van Coon’s secretary. Sherlock had come to see her before while you had gone to get Lukis’ journal from Dimmock.

“He brought you a present.” Sherlock said as we walked through the door.

“Oh, hello.” She said, remembering him.

“A little gift when he came back from China.”

“How do you know that?” She asked.

“You weren’t just his PA were you?” Sherlock asked.

“Someone’s been gossiping.” She said, annoyed.

“No.” sherlock stated.

“Then I don’t understand why…” Amanda, the PA, began.

“Scented hand soap in his apartment, 300 millilitres of it. Bottle almost finished.” Sherlock stated

“Sorry?” Amanda asked, confused.

“I don’t think Eddie Van Coon was the kind of chap to buy himself handsoap, not unless he had a lady coming over. And it’s the same brand as that hand cream there on your desk.” Sherlock said.

“Look, it wasn’t serious between us. It was over in a flash, it couldn’t last. He was my boss.” Amanda explained.

“What happened? Why did you end it?” You asked.

“I thought he didn’t appreciate me. Took me for granted. Stood me up once too often. We’d plan to go away for the weekend, and then he’d just leave. Fly off to China at a moment’s notice.”

“And he brought you a present from abroad to say sorry.” Sherlock said. You noticed the jade pin sticking out of her bun.

“Can I just have a look at it.” Sherlock asked, extending his hand.

“He said he bought it in a street market.” Amanda explained as she took it out of her hair.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s true. I think he pinched it.” Sherlock said.

“Yeah, that’s Eddie.” Amanda laughed.

“Didn’t know its value, just thought it would suit you.” Sherlock turned it around in his hand.

“What’s it worth?” Amanda asked curiously. Sherlock smiled, knowing his reply would shock her.

“Nine million pounds.” He said, and as expected Amanda freaked out.

“Oh my god, oh my god.” She said, standing up. “Nine million.” She nearly fainted.

You snuck out of the office to go talk to Sebastian, as instructed by Sherlock. He stood when you walked in the room and shook your hand.

“So did you two manage to figure out how he got in?” Sebastian asked.

“Of course. The balcony. “ You smiled.

He wrote out the check, annoyingly. The answer was so simple he was almost angry about all the money its cost him.

“He really climbed up onto the balcony?” He asked, placing the 20,000 pound check into an envelope.

“Nail a plank across the window and all your problems are over.” You answered with a smile.

He rolled his eyes and smiled slightly as he handed it to you. You thanked him and left to go join Sherlock in the lobby.

Sherlock hailed a taxi for the two of you to return to Baker Street. You told John about what had transpired at the bank.

“Over a thousand years old, and it’s sitting on her bedside table every night.” John said.

“He didn’t know its value. Didn’t know why they were chasing him.”Sherlock said.

“Should’ve just got her a lucky cat.” John said, causing you and Sherlock to smile.

“You mind don’t you.” John said, peaking both of your interests.

“What?” Sherlock asked.

“That she escaped. General Shan. It’s not enough that we got her two henchmen.”

“Must be a vast network, John. Thousands of operatives. We barely scratched the surface.” Sherlock said.

“You cracked the code though, Sherlock. And maybe Dimmock can track down all of them now that he knows it.” John suggested.

“Sherlock cracked this code, but all the smugglers have to do is pick up another book.” You told him.

Sherlock sat at his desk, reading the paper. John sat opposite him doing the same. For once it seemed like Baker Street was calm. No murders, no gunfire, no explosions going on in the kitchen. It almost seemed too good to be true.

Captive (chapter 20, the last one!)

I know, this one is so long overdue I don’t even know where to begin. I struggled writing Tom and it also affected writing Loki, but I finally found him again.

This is the ending I’ve had in mind all along, it took me a while to get there and put it into words the way I wanted to, but I’m glad with how it turned out. This story has been running for so long I really hope the ending does it some justice.

And I want to thank every single one of you who stuck by me for this one, you guys are incredibly patient and I can never thank you enough.

Let’s do this!

There’s a little bit of smut in this one ;)


Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19


Captive (chapter 20)

For the most part of the following days Astrid stayed in her room, only coming out to use the bath and take books from Loki’s library inside her room with her. 

Loki didn’t speak to her, he only asked if she needed anything, which she declined every time. He made sure she had food and clean clothes and she didn’t seem to need, or want, anything more from him.

Her mere presence calmed him down and after a few weeks he noticed the time she spent inside her room had grown smaller.
He started finding her out on the balcony, staring in awe at the sight of the city in front of her, or curled up on his couch with a book in her hand. She had started reading about Asgard, to Loki’s surprise she hadn’t asked about Earth, or asked about going back home.

But his heart didn’t dare to hope. She still looked at him like one would look at a stranger, in fact she had barely looked at him at all.

Keep reading

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades Darker (part 11/11)

1. Intense prayer circle because I’m hoping this is the last post for this book.
2. I can’t believe I’ve managed to stick this out. I thought the first book was bad. But this… this is in a league of its own. There’s rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then this book.
3. It’s really really so so so bad. It’s downright nasty.
4. Angels will descend upon me when this is over.  Now…where was I…
5. Ah, the happy couple is now engaged. I am so shocked and surprised at this unforeseen turn of events.
6. I need to remind you guys, again, that these people have known each other for about a month. I’ve had a more serious and long standing relationship with my favourite sandwich. I’ve definitely had a more meaningful relationship with chocolate.
7. Ana: “My future husband wants to play.” – sadly, it’s not video games he wants to play and that’s a damn shame. Because the couple that plays together, stays together.
8. The water in the shower is fucking cold, how are you guys not fucking freezing right now.
9. One day, in the far distant future, I will come back to these books and count the number of times her inner goddess has made an appearance. Maybe this will convince people that any book with such a „character” is a waste of time and brain cells.
10. Apparently, they can stop having sex with a condom for a reason I can’t remember for the life of me (I don’t really care anyway), but do you know what this means? Ana will get pregnant. Why do I say this? Because there’s a third book and a kid is the only drama-worthy (in the hands of a decent author, but I’m trying not to be picky) thing left to throw in.
11. Ana: “will I always have this leveled at me? That I’m marrying Christian for his money?” – yes, because people are judgmental pieces of crap. Welcome to the real world, Ana, we hope you enjoy your stay.
12. Christian: “I don’t want to fight,” – after the damned inner goddess, this is probably one of the most reiterated sentences in these gods forsaken books. I *told* you, these people either have sex or argue. There is no in between.
13.My subconscious snorts with derisory laughter. I ignore her.” – Ana, voices and/or sounds in your head are not a sign of sanity, just fyi.
14. For his birthday, Ana gives him… her. In the Play Room. With nipple clamps and other…delectables. Um. Send help.
15. Help for me, not Ana, I don’t give two shits about her. Help consists of several alcoholic beverages and very hefty supplies of chocolate. And if you can get your hands on one of those memory erasers that the Men in Black had in the movie, so I can wipe out the next chapter from my memory, that’d be peachy. Okay, I’m going in.
16. Ana: “I want to be in here, too.” (here being the Play Room) – uh huh, keep telling yourself that, Ana. Maybe you’ll end up believing it. Because your experiences with these things have all been pleasant and not at all traumatizing. Sure. Mhm.
17. Oh look, she’s aroused. Of course. Because this woman loves absolutely all that he does to her, even though he has hurt her in the past, in this very room. Shall we revisit that experience? We shall.
18. “He hits me again, and the pain pulses and echoes along the line of the belt.  […]I desperately scrabble around my psyche looking for some internal strength. […]  I yell as the belt bites me again, and now the tears are streaming down my face. […]My voice is more a choked, strangled sob, and in this moment, I think I hate him. […]“Let go… no… ” And I find myself struggling out his grasp, pushing him away. Fighting him.”
19. In all fairness, he’s not doing that to her now, but honestly, you want to tell me that being in the same place, with the same person, as that scenario above, mere weeks after it happened, now makes you wet instead of uncomfortable and frightened? No. Fuck you, E.L.James.
20. Butt plugs are okay, but the thought of a finger “there” gives her pause. I cannot with this girl.
21. Holy honey badger.
22. I don’t even know what the fuck I read. Don’t ask me.
23.You are the most compassionate man I’ve met.“ – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA What the fuck HAHAHAHAHA no
24. I have 30 pages left and they feel like 300. *deep breath* Lord give me patience
25. Bla bla bla, telling people she’s engaged, bla bla bla
26. I also need to make a list of all the pretentious words she used. You know, you have oh jeez, oh my, holy cow on one hand and maudlin on the other.
27. Kate – you know, Ana’s best friend who hasn’t been around at all in the last 300 pages, has found an old email from Ana to Christian, in which she discusses the famed contract with him. And she flips out, asking Ana if she’s okay, hurt and all that. You know, she does what a sane person would do. I’ve missed Kate, she’s the voice of reason in this crapfest of a trilogy.
29. Elena hasn’t taken the news of the engagement very well. Now she’s cornered Ana and it’s all thinly-veiled threats and drama.
30. ANA THREW HER DRINK IN ELENA’S FACE. *NOW* it’s a proper soap opera.
31. *chews popcorn*
32. AND NOW ELENA GOT SLAPPED BY CHRISTIAN’S MOM. I’m sorry, NOW it’s a proper soap opera.
33.Take your filthy paws off my son, you whore, and get out of my house—now!” – I have tears of laughter in my eyes
34. I know this is supposed to be heavy and full of drama, but I honestly cannot stop laughing.
35. And now he properly proposed to her, with a ring and everything. I was not moved the slightest. *shrugs*
36. Ominous epilogue of Jack the boss vowing revenge for the beating he took for hitting on Ana. Oh, and he was the one who tampered with the helicopter.

Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses

38. I DID IT. *stares in wonder* I fucking did it. *chokes on tears*

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

39. I know you’re expecting me to say that I won’t touch the 3rd book, but, let’s face it and be realistic, knowing my inclinations to hate myself and my selfless nature, I’ll probably read it. Just not for a very very long time.
40. Chocolate awaits me.
41. Mary out.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades of Grey masterpost

cabeswarren-moved  asked:

adansey adansey adansey

yeS YES Y E S 

Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa

  • he’s got his nose in his journal or some book or something bc he’s a loser 
  • and the door v clearly says “PULL” on it but he’s not looking 
  • so he just sort of holds his hand out to push it and it doesn’t work and he gets hit smack in the face
  • and adam laughs for about 6000 years and gansey sulks for like. twice that time 
  • so adam kisses his stupid nose. no

Who doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside them

  • G AN SE Y
  • except not on the desk so he doesn’t “deface school property”
  • but like. theres about 6 pages in his journal that are just “<3 <3 <3 richard parrish <3 <3 <3″ doodled when he can’t sleep 
  • he has them covered up with maps but one day adam almost saw it 
  • so now he has a lock on his journal like an 11 year old girl 
  • what a loser 

Who starts the tickle fights

  • aDaM
  • bc he knows gansey is like ridiculously ticklish and he isn’t so he’ll always win
  • he does it at night when they’re sleeping together at st. agnes
  • and gansey will always try to tell him how childish he’s being and how they’re too old for this
  • before breaking off into uncontrollably high-pitched laugher 
  • and trying to get his revenge by tickling adam but it ends in inevitable failure
  • its literally just gansey giggling and being like “STOOO-OOOP” 
  • eventually he does. and then they makeout
  • plEASe

Who starts the pillow fights

  • ok SO 
  • gansey is up just sort of doing whatever in bed beside adam 
  • he thinks adam is asleep but he’s just pretending until he can STRIKE
  • at first its like the tickle wars and gansey is like “oh this is so dumb” 
  • but then he gets way into it and they get like super tactical and competitive 
  • gansey draws a floor plan of St. Agnes or something and steals all the pillows from Monmouth for a blockade 
  • and they have like a seCRET CODE so that people at Aglionby won’t know they’re two 17 year old boys having pillow fights in a church attic/old abandoned warehouse
  • “Parrish. The Attic at 19 hundred hours?” 
  • “Code Green, Dick”
  • “Yo WTF are you guys doing? Street rumble?” - Jealous Tad Carruthers who wouldn’t mind a rumble or two w Parrish u feel me
  • *gansey and adam look at each other and laugh uncontrollably*

Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile

  • i think about gansey doing this w adam every single day 
  • i am serious. not a day passes 

Who mistakes salt for sugar

  • he probably tries to make adam cookies and accidentally dumps like 2 cups of salt into it
  • and also burns them 
  • (adam wouldn’t have eaten them anyway bc they were made like 3 feet away from the toilet. gansey honestly what the fuck)
  • blue gives him one of those gold stars that say “you tried” 
  • gansey sulks for like a week
  • he keeps finding “you tried” stickers in Monmouth and the Pig courtesy of his boyfriend 

Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning

  • gansey whines bc he’s so busy reading and he doesn’t want to get up
  • even though he probably left it open in the first place this loser 
  • and then he’ll see adam smile while still pretending to sleep 
  • so he’ll be like “oh no!! whatever shall i do?? how could i POSSIBLY awaken adam parrish at this late hour?”
  • and adam will purse his lips while still sort of giggling
  • so gansey rolls his eyes and kisses him
  • and adam gives this big exaggerated jolt awake like “oh hey what’s happening? i didn’t hear u i was sleeping!” 
  • and then he’ll go to close the microwave while hearing gansey’s laughter
  • no help m e 

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines

  • courtesy of my love kinza: this is ADAM
  • “hey gansey do your feet hurt”
  • “no, why” 
  • “because you’ve been running through my mind all day”
  • gansey: *various sounds of mild pain* (x)
  • blue has flashcards of terrible embarrassing puns adam can use on gansey to publicly embarrass him
  • theres no topping this okay. its just not possible 

Who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order

  • both of them are fuckign ridiculous about this 
  • if blue/ronan/noah takes a book from the bookshelf and puts it back in the wrong place u can bet your ass adam/gansey will RUN
  • eventually they (esp blue and noah cause they’re shits) will put it back in the wrong place on purpose just to watch the look of pure terror on gansey’s face 
  • adam just stares them down while calmly plotting revenge 
  • honestly i bet u these two could spend three hours in chapters not even reading 
  • just arranging 

Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies

  • gansey
  • provocatively bc he flirts like a 6 year old boy
  • and noah told him to
  • adam just frowns and tells him not to contaminate the batter
  • gansey: [looks into the camera like he’s on the office] 
  • honestly i need a whole book of noah and blue deliberately giving gansey terrible flirting advice and adam being Unimpressed 
  • and it all goes on ronan’s snapchat 
  • i s2g 

Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion

  • adam never buys them bc they’re impractical but he loves them, he thinks they’re old fashioned and soothing 
  • gansey loves them too so he DOES buy them, bc they’re nice and the electricity in st. agnes is shit, esp in bad weather 
  • pls imagine these two sitting on adam’s bed at night during a thunderstorm doing homework or reading by candlelight and thEN
  • gansey: “oops oh gosh all my clothes are wet! i guess i should just…take them off…so they can…dry….”
  • adam: “oh…well..when u put it that way…this isnt gay no its not not even a little…”

Who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen

  • adam gets his art-hoe ways from queen sargent
  • they’ll be chilling in the Pig or something and adam will draw curling vines or planets or phrases in Latin on gansey’s arms and shoulders 
  • gansey tries to ignore the cool dry touch of adam’s elegant hands on his skin and the look of careful concentration between his eyebrows but he has. 0 Fucking Chill
  • one time he wrote “cubitum eamus?” on gansey’s wrist and he CHOKED and would not stop BLUSHING for 3 HOURS
  • blue/ronan/noah kept asking him if he was sunburned. adam just SMIRKS
  • the answer was yes btw

Who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation

  • tbh this is exactly the kind of cheesy “aesthetic” thing gansey would do 
  • adam makes fun of him for it all the time 
  • but after gansey dies adam is packing up his things and he finds this on the back of the map 
  • “places to take adam parrish: by richard gansey” 
  • and its a list of all the places gansey wanted to take adam
  • sor RY

Who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines

  • omg noah would do this 
  • they both have an undying scorn for these things like they will literally not touch them 
  • but noah has cross-referenced about 16 different love calculators, 30 different quizzes from 25 different issues of Teen Bop, an astrology chart down to the exact time of both Adam and Gansey’s births and 3 different “What Fictional Couple Are You?” quizzes 
  • i swear 

send me a ship for headcanons

Hello Detective (Chapter 15)

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9   Part 10   Part 11   Part 12   Part 13   Part 14   Part 15   Part 16   Part 17   Part 18   Part 19   Part 20   Part 21   Part 22   Part 23   Part 24   Part 25   Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Part 29  Part 30  Part 31  Part 32  Part 33  Part 34   Part 35   Part 36   Part 37   Part 38  Part 39   Part 40     Part 41   Part 42   Part 43   Part 44   Part 45   Part 46   Part 47   Part 48   Part 49   Part 50  Part 51  Part 52   Part 53  Part 54  Part 55   Part 56  Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60

“Two men who traveled back from China were murdered. And their killer left them messages in Hangzhou numerals.” Sherlock told Andy once we arrived back at the closed museum.

“Soo Lin Yao is in danger.” You told Andy, playing his heart strings, hoping that his love for her would in turn allow him to be of more help to us. “That cipher, it was just the same pattern as the others. He means to kill her as well.”

“Look, I’ve tried everywhere, friends, colleagues. I don’t know where she’s gone. I mean, she could be a thousand miles away.” Andy began, you noticed Sherlock staring at the pots that Andy told us earlier Soo Lin was working on.

“What are you looking at?” You asked Sherlock.

“Tell me more about those teapots.” Sherlock asked Andy, walking towards the display they were in.

“The pots were her obsession. They need urgent work. If they dry out, then the clay can start to crumble. Apparently, you have to just keep making tea in them.” Andy answered.

“Yesterday, only one of those pots were shining. Now there are two.” Sherlock observed, bending down slightly to look into the glass case.

“She’s here, somewhere.” You gathered.

By now it was dark and Sherlock knew Soo Lin would be back to tend to the pots. We spotted her in the museum vaults, making tea. Sherlock approached her from behind.

“Fancy a biscuit with that?” He asked, scaring her. She gasped and the pot slid out of her hands. You jumped slightly, waiting for the crash, but it never came. Sherlock was quicker than that. “Centuries old. Don’t want to break that.” He said after he caught the pot. He handed it back to her as you flipped on the light.

“You saw the cipher. Then you know he is coming for me.” Soo Lin Yao said. You and John approached Sherlock and stood next to him.

“You’ve been clever to avoid him so far.” Sherlock said.

“I had to finish. To finish this work. It’s only a matter of time. I know he will find me.” Soo Lin explained.

“Who is he? Have you met him before?” You asked.

“When I was a girl, we met in China. I recognised his… signature.” She said.

“The cipher.” Sherlock said.

“Only he would do this. Zhi Zu.” Soo Lin explained.

“Zhi Zhu?” John asked.

“The spider.” You said, recognizing the word. Sherlock looked at you quizzically as Soo Lin began to take off her shoe.

“You know this mark?” She asked, referring to the tattoo on her heel that resembled a flower inside a circle.

“Yes. It’s the mark of the Tong.” Sherlock answered.

“Hmm?” John asked.

“Ancient crime syndicate, based in China.” He explained.

“Every foot soldier bears the mark. Everyone who hauls for them.” Soo Lin said.

“You were a smuggler…” You said, surprised.

“I was 15, my parents were dead. I had no livelihood. No way of surviving day-to-day, except to work for the bosses.” She said, sadly.

“Who are they?” Sherlock asked.

“They are called the Black Lotus. By the time I was 16, I was taking thousands of pounds worth of drugs across the border into Hong Kong. I managed to leave that life behind me. I came to England. They gave me a job, here. Everything was good. New life.” She said.

“And he came looking for you.” Sherlock followed.

“Yes, I hoped, after five years maybe they would have forgotten me. But they never really let you leave. A small community like ours, they are never very far away,” Soo Lin cried, “He came to my flat. He asked me to help him track down something that was stolen.”

“And you have no idea what it was?” You asked.

“I refused to help.” Soo Lin said, shaking her head.

“So, you knew him well when you were living back in China?” You asked again.

“Oh, yes. He’s my brother.” Soo Lin said. Sherlock looked up, surprised, “Two orphans, we had no choice. We could work for the Black Lotus or starve on the streets like beggars. My brother has become their puppet. In the power of the one they call Shan. The Black Lotus general. I turned my brother away. He said I had betrayed him. Next day I came to work and the cipher was waiting.”

We showed her the picture of the symbols on the wall from the tramway.

“Can you decipher these?” Sherlock asked.

“These are numbers.” She said, pointing to the pictures from the bank.

“Yes, I know.” Sherlock said.

“Here, the line across the man’s eyes, it’s the Chinese number one.” Soo Lin said.

“And this one is 15. But what’s the code?” Sherlock asked.

“All the smugglers know it. It’s based upon a book…” Soo Lin said before we all heard the door slam. The lights shut off too.

“He’s here. Zhi Zhu has found me,” Soo Lin whispered. Sherlock ran towards the door. You followed after silently instructing John to stay with Soo Lin Yao.

“No, no, wait!” John yelled after you, but you were already gone and following Sherlock.

You followed Sherlock out to the main corridor of the museum. You turned around and saw a man dressed in all black standing on the balcony. He fired a gun in your direction, but missed. He kept firing as you and Sherlock dove behind a large statue. You had almost made it in time when the last bullet grazed your side. It cut through your shirt and sliced open your skin. You whimpered as you placed your hand over it.

Sherlock had already taken off after him before he noticed you had been hit. You followed him clutching your side. He pulled you behind a pillar when the shots started again.

“Careful! Some of those skulls are over 200,000 years old, have a bit of respect!” He yelled. The gunfire stopped and Sherlock looked down to you. He saw the ever growing patch of red growing on your white blouse.

“Y/N…” He said, his eyes growing with concern. He inspected the wound and looked up to you again. His hands were still on your waist.

“I’ll be fine. Just a flesh wound.” You said. That’s when you heard it. Another gunshot, but this one was farther away. Soo Lin Yao…

We ran back to where she was, you clutching your side. Then we found her, shot point blank, executioner style. It was nearly 15 minutes before Dimmock and his team had arrived.

“How many murders is it going to take before you start believing that this maniac’s out there? A young girl was gunned down tonight.” You yelled at him.

“What happened to you?” He asked, pointing to the blood stain on your shirt.

“I was shot, well grazed really.” You said. “But that’s not my point. That’s three victims in three days. You’re supposed to be finding him.”

“Brian Lukis and Eddie Van Coon were working for a gang of international smugglers. A gang called the Black Lotus operating here in London right under your nose.” Sherlock said.

“Can you prove that?” Dimmock said. Sherlock accepted the challenge and we went to Barts. You went with John to get stitched up while Sherlock went off to find Molly.

You walked into the morgue to find the bodies of Lukis and Van Coon out. Sherlock looked to you as you entered the room. You gave him a small smile, ensuring you’re all stitched up and okay.

“We’re just interested in the feet.” Sherlock told Molly.

As you had expected, both men had the same mark as Soo Lin Yao.

“So…” Dimmock began, shocked.

“So either these two men just happened to visit the same Chinese tattoo parlour or I’m telling the truth.” Sherlock said.

“What do you want?” Dimmock asked, caving in.

“I want every book from Lukis’ apartment and Van Coon’s.” He said.

“Their books?” Dimmock asked, and you were just as surprised as he was. You didn’t understand what Sherlock could possibly do with their books.

Part 17: Secret Trap - Teen Wolf/Supernatural Crossover Series

[Chapters 1 through 16]

“Something about her doesn’t seem right,” Sam said.

“You said she smelled like sulfur, right?” Dean asked Liam, but he ignored Dean as he tried to listen to Y/N talking to herself in her bathroom upstairs.

“Hellooooooooo?” Dean waved his hand in front of Liam’s face.

“Shhhhhh,” Scott said as he was also focusing on Y/N’s voice.

Together they heard Y/N talking about how she was once a young girl with insecurities too.

“Is she…?” Scott asked, but Liam finished his sentence, “talking to herself?”

Dean and Sam looked at each other confused. “What?” Dean asked.

“Hang on,” Scott said, he waited for her to speak again. “She’s talking about her body being too innocent and clean.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “And that it needs piercings in certain places that shouldn’t be pierced.” Liam shook his head. “This doesn’t sound like her.”

“It almost sounds like if she’s talking back to someone else…” Scott trailed.

Judging by what Scott and Liam were saying, Dean and Sam knew exactly what was going on. Sam let out a frustrated sighed as Dean murmured, “Damn it!”

Scott and Liam looked at the Winchesters confused. “Can someone explain to me what’s going on?” Liam asked.

“That,” Sam lowered his voice and pointed upstairs, “isn’t Y/N.”

“Its Ruby,” a hint of hatred wavered in Dean’s voice.

Liam’s eyes widened as Scott asked, “how?”

“Demons need a host. Normally, they pick someone who’s already dead or has no chance of living and are practically dead.” Sam said honestly.

Liam was about to say something but Dean interfered, “Let’s not assume, Y/N is dead. There’s a chance she could still be alive, especially if you’re saying she’s talking back to herself.”

“Right,” Sam defended his brother. “It’s possible ‘Y/N’”, Sam air quoted her name with his fingers, “is actually Ruby and she’s talking back to the actual Y/N.”

Scott looked confused but Liam was following. Liam rubbed his temples, “so how do we get Ruby out of Y/N’s body?”

“Is that even possible?” Scott asked.

“Yes,” Sam answered and looked at Dean. “We need to get the stuff from the car.”

“Follow me, kid.” Dean ordered Liam.

Keep reading

A Very Supernatural Job(Part 19)

Words: 1036
Pairings: JensenxReader
Warnings: None
Author’s Note: Poor Jensen, he’ll have to perform in the VMAs xD It’ll be in the next chapter. I’m sorry for not updating but my schedule has been hellish with mid-term tests and the exams and shows and football matches and ugh. I apologize!
Tags: @moonstonemystyk @supernatural508 @claire7475 @supernatural0826 @rusticbellamy @incarcenatedangel (if you want to be tagged just let me know!)
Other Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
The GIFs/pics are NOT mine.

—-August, day of the VMAs—-

-Remind me again, why the hell do we have to go there? –I sigh, slouching as we reach our gate at the airport. The whole Collins-Ackles-Padalecki clan is present, as all 3 men were going as well.

-We were invited, not to mention that Jensen is entering the music world as well. –Misha says, making me look at him with a bitch face.

Keep reading

People You May Know (Part 1)

Girl Meets World Fanfiction

Chapter 1 (X) Chapter 2 (X) Chapter 3 (X) Chapter 4 (X) Chapter 5 (X) Chapter 6 (X) Chapter 7 (X) Chapter 8 (X) Chapter 9 (X) Chapter 10 (X) Chapter 11 (X) Chapter 12 (X) Chapter 13 (X) Chapter 14 (X) Chapter 15 (X) Chapter 16 (X) Chapter 17 (X) Chapter 18 (X) Chapter 19 (X) Chapter 20 (X) Chapter 21 (X)

AU: She’s his tutor. He’s the star player of the lacrosse team and the most popular guy in school. They live in polar opposite worlds, but not in ones you might be used to with this kind of story. Riley Matthews has perfect parents who love one another unconditionally. She has a 4.5 GPA, is expecting to get accepted into an elite writing program for high school students at NYU this summer, and has friends who support her in every way possible. Lucas Friar lives in a world of secrets and lies. His parents are in the middle of a brutal divorce, his dad’s company is going bankrupt, he’s failing 11th Grade English, and his girlfriend is cheating on him with someone he cares about. When their worlds intersect, their lives are changed in ways they didn’t think were possible. 

About this chapter: The first paragraph is in the present and the rest of the story is set in the past. It is telling Riley and Lucas’ story and leading back up to that paragraph throughout. Summary: Riley is obsessed with the idea of Lucas Friar, but when she truly gets to know him, her feelings for him change in an unexpected way. 

Note: I’ve incorporated aspects from different TV shows into this fic. The foundation of it (Tutor Girl and Mr. Popular) is based off of Nathan and Haley from One Tree Hill. Then there are elements from the show My So Called Life (the boy who leans against lockers, the introspective commentary from the lead character). So. Yeah. It might sound cliche at first, but just wait. It’s gonna get crazy haha ;)

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People You May Know (Part 23)

Girl Meets World Fanfiction

Chapter 1 (X) Chapter 2 (X) Chapter 3 (X) Chapter 4 (X) Chapter 5 (X) Chapter 6 (X) Chapter 7 (X) Chapter 8 (X) Chapter 9 (X) Chapter 10 (X) Chapter 11 (X) Chapter 12 (X) Chapter 13 (X) Chapter 14 (X) Chapter 15 (X) Chapter 16 (X) Chapter 17 (X) Chapter 18 (X) Chapter 19 (X) Chapter 20 (X) Chapter 21 (X) Chapter 22 (X

AU: She’s his tutor. He’s the star player of the lacrosse team and the most popular guy in school. They live in polar opposite worlds, but not in ones you might be used to with this kind of story. Riley Matthews has perfect parents who love one another unconditionally. She has a 4.5 GPA, is expecting to get accepted into an elite writing program for high school students at NYU this summer, and has friends who support her in every way possible. Lucas Friar lives in a world of secrets and lies. His parents are in the middle of a brutal divorce, his dad’s company is going bankrupt, he’s failing 11th Grade English, and his girlfriend is cheating on him with someone he cares about. When their worlds intersect, their lives are changed in ways they didn’t think were possible.

Summary: Riley gets some exciting news. We go back to the night Riley got Lucas’ letter. Riley takes a trip. Riley comes home from said trip with a realization that what she wants to happen, might never happen at all. 

Note: This part jumps around a lot, so it might seem a little confusing, but I did that on purpose. I’ll fill everything else in during the next part! So just to clarify there is one last part (24) and then the epilogue (25) and then that’s it!! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story for so long! Love you all! 

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SCM: The Royal Red Myth Ch. 5

Pairing: King X MC
mostly romance, maybe some angst and drama later in the series
MC’s Name:
Word Count:
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [9 Bonus] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19 Deleted] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23 Forbidden Ending]

Tagging: yamyyams, smile-smile-ichthys, icedragonsprincess, mafiaprincesskiss, the-spacebetween-us, alleykatgotgames, mycrzyobsessions, 01paige01, xcoticallyxquizit

I’m sorry for not posting the past two days! I’ve had it written, but I didn’t want to post for personal reasons. I’ve actually got the next 3 and a half chapters written and I thought about combining this and the next chapter, but I actually like being ahead of what I’ve posted because it stressed me out less sooo yeah. Plus sometimes, I like to incorporate comments that you guys make into my story (Heather, Ikky wouldn’t have been in this fic much without you! And Anna, you already know how your comment was incorporated into this chapter since I read it to you last night XD)

Anyway, sorry it’s short, but you’ll be getting a chapter per day for the next 3 days at least, so try not to be too upset with me T_T

Hope you enjoy~


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Better Know An Author (#1): Caffinate-me

Hello, everyone! It’s the true doldrums as we wait, impatiently, for the next Castle season.  With all the fandom drama over new cast additions, leaks, spoilers, etc, it’s become very clear that this fandom is definitely passionate about our show.  One of the people on twitter calling for calm is our own beloved fanfic writer, Caffinate-me. When I came up with the idea of doing some author interviews, she was the first, and only (so far), that I contacted.  Here is her interview.  I’ll be asking the people she’s nominated to participate, and hopefully we’ll all get to know each other a little better, give some much needed support to the authors who make our lives richer, and pass away the remaining time with some good reading.  Let me know if there are other questions you’d like to see (though they may not choose to answer them all–it is quite a list) or any other ideas to make this as interesting as possible.  I’m not that great at tumblr, so forgive my inexperience/mistakes.  

1). FanFiction Name: Caffinate-me

2). Twitter or other: aspen_musing (Twitter). aspenmusing (Tumblr)

3). Why did you pick the name(s) you are using? Caffinate-me for my love of coffee/caffeine and aspen_musing is a play on my name and for all the random thoughts in my head. You hear a lot of these if you follow me on Twitter. ;)

4). Place of birth: The Great Sunshine State itself. (Florida)

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SCM: The Royal Red Myth Ch. 10

Pairing: King X MC
Mostly romance, some angst and drama later in the series
MC’s Name:
Word Count:
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [9 Bonus] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19 Deleted] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23 Forbidden Ending]

Tagging: yamyyams, smile-smile-ichthys, icedragonsprincess, mafiaprincesskiss, mycrzyobsessions, the-spacebetween-us, alleykatgotgames, 01paige01, xcoticallyxquizit, weburythesunlight22, ninja-shinigami, lephrasia, pinkkbeblackk, sarahjanesteaparty, sure21, loverofotome, ai-gonorus, @nox-versus-lux (still can’t tag you, sorry!), daisytheduckdolphin, dui-gemini-scm - thanks for all your support :)

Thanks again to Anna (yamyyams​)!! She’s such a big help~ I would have been stuck at the last chapter if not for her help! *hugs my brilliant wife*

Also sorry for not updating last night! This chapter is twice the length of a normal chapter so hopefully it makes up for it. Also, there’s a lot of explaining going on, so I hope I did it in a way that doesn’t bore you T_T

Well, enjoy~


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