yes i created a blog so i could ship them in peace

anonymous asked:

(1) Not for nothing but I dunno how I feel about all of this recent stuff. I mean yeah there are a butt ton of events being planned and released at once, some of them going on for as long as a month, others that are steeped in discourse while others are just responses to each other. I can even understand some content creators feeling overwhelmed. But lets be frank here. No one is forcing content creators like myself to take part in these events. We choose which events to take part in and when.

2) So if a creator is feeling overwhelmed then they need to cut back on the events they’re taking part in and the amount of content they’re creating. Creators dont need a week for that. Trust me I know it sucks to have to pick and choose between events when you dont have the time to do them all, but its a much more reasonable option then expecting everyone with an event idea to put off their ideas until next year just because other stuff is going on.

(3) I mean other fandoms do all this same stuff all the time. Prompt weeks, ship months, challengers, zines, big bangs, etc. They often have these events happening at the same time. But in the end content is still created and everyone in the fandom has more content and a better time because of it. I mean I love this blog but lets be real here. You are not going to be able to put every event on this blog the moment its announced.

4) I mean there have been several instances in the past where I’ve heard of events weeks before they ended up on your blog. This isn’t a criticism, its an acknowledgement that you are only one person who cant be reasonably expected to handle the sheer workload of an entire fandoms event schedule. And inevitably there are going to be times when people do look at the schedule to find a time for an event and think they’ve found one. Except that there is already another event going on at that time-

-that you just haven’t found the time to put in yet. Again, I understand the concerns of writer burnout but this is all getting ridiculous. Is it unfair that content creators will have to miss out on some events in favor of others? Yes. But it also not fair to claim that event planners are “overwhelming” creators. I’M a content creator. I’ve had to deal with multiple event overload. But it was my responsibility to deal with it. Not trying to be mean but if your a content creator and your

and your experienced burnout then you need to cut back on your schedule and TAKE A BREAK. Your health is more important than any event and your self imposed workload is something you have full power over. Only exceptions I can see aside from that would be commissions but thats clearly not what we’re talking about here.

I see where you’re coming from, and having also discussed it with a few other people I’m realizing it may have been misguided to suggest blocking a week as a “rest period.” My role with this blog is supposed to be simply tracking events, and I kinda lost sight of that a bit. Like you say, no one is forced to participate in events, and people are free to drop out of stuff if they need to for their health and peace of mind. 

I think the concern I’ve been hearing from people is that so many of the events are so good and interesting that they want to participate in all of them and get upset/disappointed when they literally physically can’t. Or they do sign up for all the events and then they’re either kept ridiculously busy trying to juggle everything or they’re forced to drop out, which is both upsetting for the participant cause they feel guilty for “failing” and frustrating for the organizer cause they have to readjust their plans. Like you say it’s unfair to organizers to tell them “no you can’t do your event” or “you can only do it after X date” but the flipside of that coin is telling creators “here are (example) 5 events that are super cool and right up your alley but they’re all on top of each other so you can only do max 2 of them. Good luck and choose wisely.” I understand and agree that it’s up to individual people to manage their schedules and their level of participation in fandom according to their other obligations like school and work, as well as their energy levels, and in that vein I’m gonna drop the whole idea of a fandom “rest week.” But I do also understand where people are coming from when they talk about feeling overwhelmed and burning out.

On the subject of months, I have to be honest with you I had never seen a month before in any other fandom, aside from the big general ones like inktober or nanowrimo or femslash February. I’ve since heard from a friend who explained how a month event was successfully organized in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom, but as I understand it the key difference there is they did it where every week had a theme, rather than every day having a prompt. So I’m not saying month events can’t be a viable concept, I’m saying the month events currently being planned in the fandom don’t strike me as a sustainable endeavour, taking into account how they’re set up, the discourse surrounding some of them turning people off, and all the other events already underway.

I don’t know, perhaps it’s because this is the first time I’ve paid such close attention to events in a fandom, but my impression has been that Voltron fandom has an abnormally high number of events. I know that other fandoms also do weeks and big bangs and zines and such, and I’m sure some of them overlap with each other, but do they also suffer from this situation where basically every week between now and March 2018 has anywhere from 2 to 40+ projects going on at once? This is actually a genuine question, I would really appreciate if someone could give me a sense of what the situation is in say the Steven Universe or Yuri on Ice fandoms, etc.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ll back off on the whole “imposing a rest week” idea and stick more to simply tracking events like I should’ve been all along, but I do still want to register my concern at the sheer number of events in this fandom.

Swan Song

More power to those that believe and I wish you continued joy in this ship but it is not for me anymore. The end of the voyage is not even about Sam and Cait being together, it is just simply that I can’t fan you or maintain interest if I don’t respect you. Before people get all upset that Cait is a part of this too, yes she certainly is with the back and forth misleading behavior; one day they are wooing shippers and the next day they are calling us crazy or agreeing we should be beaten up. So yes I am massively disappointed in both of them for that. Others will disagree maybe depending on their personal circumstances but for me cheating is a very big deal and it most definitely takes 2 to tango. For a certain ‘former’ actress to be vacationing with her boyfriend one week and then being introduced as the gf about a week later at a stupid lunch we have heard about ad nauseum tells me all I need to know and it doesn’t paint a pretty picture for how long these 2 were carrying on behind someone’s back. Also I cannot forget the nearly year long barrage of innocent women that were quietly fanning in their own corner and the complete and utter silence from Sam. He could have spoken up at any time and owned his truth rather than letting these 2 trolls do it for him but nope he continued to call them friends. No matter how bad things got the response was 'suggest you ignore.’ At this point why should I not believe Sam was fully on board with their behavior as they claimed as he not once refuted it. Which brings me to the childish innuendo game that has been played. Of course he knew what he was doing taking that pic in GA and posting it in the MPC group. Of course he knew that a certain former actress was sharing pics of herself in Scotland. Of course he knew she was sharing a photo of their dumpster fire New Year’s Eve. Of course they knew what they were doing both posting pics from the Matterhorn. Who do you think took the pic of the girl and the Scottish flag face scarf? These are not the actions of a man that values his privacy. These are the actions of someone being intentionally provocative and winding up his fans for his own personal satisfaction. If you think this is a normal or cute way for a 37 year old man to reveal a relationship that’s OK but as a 37 year old myself it’s not to me. This is a man that characterized a certain someone’s pants-less Christmas tree photo as a woman bringing positivity to the world. Yet when actual women like Jess who were running blogs, creating happy spaces and legitimately trying to add some positivity into the world he said nothing and in fact sat back and happily watched the destruction of said positivity. For all that will try to bring it back to Cait, she is just living her life, whatever it is. There’s no innuendo, no games, she just has this guy show up with her to events. They don’t cuddle up for the photogs, they don’t reveal their togetherness on their personal time, nothing. I am not going to comment on the white pant suit at the Piaget event other than to say I am not the least bit surprised. She has been screaming for attention with Sam’s blessing since day 1. At a certain point the words of people that work with you and have an investment in your success just become words when the actions don’t match the words and this version of Sam I have been seeing no longer matches the words nor does it match the guy I really believed him to be at the beginning of this journey. Heck I shelled out a 3 digit sum to have the man’s autograph inhabit the wall space in my house. But the trust I felt and the integrity I used to see is just gone. For those that still believe, I hope you get your happy ending and I do hope that in the end Sam and Cait are worth your time and devotion and that they appreciate the loyalty you’ve shown them. Cheers, peace and good health to all. And go watch 'This is Us’ if you aren’t already, you won’t be disappointed. ✌

The Meme and His Tutor

Part 13: The Time There Was A Meme War

Recommended Song: I Luv It by PSY

|All Chapters|

Summary:

Jungkook started something he could not finish and you begin to question yourself.

Genre: Fluff, comedy

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3745

Length: 13/?

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Anti-Anti-Hiccstrid, EXPLANATION!

Okay, I’ve been on tumblr for a while now. And me, being a hardcore hiccstrid shipper, have seen some people who need to chill out.

When I say this I’m talking about the anti-hiccstrid shippers, AND the hiccstrid shippers.

There has been a lot of hate on here recently with these two worlds colliding. And I’m gonna try to give some people the explanation they deserve. So here it is…An unnessisarily long post about the night, and the day of the Hiccstrid/Anti-Hiccstrid community. (or whatever the fuck this thing is)

First thing’s first: The ignorance

Anti-Hiccstrid shippers have a head harder than a turtle schell. Trying to get them to see things in someone else’s perspective is close to impossible. But same goes for the Hiccstrid shippers. We all know that everyone has their own opinions, that’s never gonna change, and it shouldn’t have to! The problem is, Anti-Hiccstrid shippers are prone to taking the ENTIRE Hiccstrid fandom and saying they’re all the same. They don’t seem to respect the ones who don’t care that they don’t ship hiccstrid, and say that we’re all selfless, evil, ignorant, loudmouth jerks. But to hand it to the Anti-Hiccstrid fandom, some are.

But they seem to ignore comments like:

-Post from Shina Matsuoka (a NORMAL Hiccstrid shipper)

Yes, I am aware that sometimes the Hiccstrid fandom can get crazy too. But we all have our differences. Anti-Hiccstrid shippers pick out the jerks that send them hate and say the entire fandom is like that! When in reality, most Hiccstrid shippers don’t CARE if you ship someone else! We get angry, because a lot of Hiccstrid NOTP’s (at least the ones that IVE seen) aren’t too nice about Hiccstrid shippers getting defensive. Now, you may think that I’m being hypocritical. But if you think about it. Almost ALL of the anti-hiccstrid blogs are rude! It’s perfectly fine if someone doesn’t ship your EXACT OTP, but if they ship Hiccstrid…

I HATE HICCSTRID! HICCSTRID IS SO FORCED! HICCSTRID IS ABUSIVE! HICCSTRID WASN’T A THING IN THE BEGINNING, SO THEY CAN’T BE A THING! HICCSTRID IS SO DUMB! HICCSTRID IS THE WORST COUPLE EVER! HICCSTRID IS AWFUL! ASTRID SAID IT! THEY’RE JUST FRIENDS!

ASTRID IS TO MEAN FOR HICCUP!

HICCUP DESERVES BETTER!

MERIDA AND HICCUP ARE SOOOOO MUCH BETTER!

ASTRID IS ALWAYS A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!

ASTRID’S PUNCHES AREN’T PLAYFUL!

HICCUP IS ABUSED!

HICCSTRID CAN DIE IN A FIERY INFERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally posted by iconoclastsunite

seriously?

Okay, now for the haters:

One of the most common Hiccstrid arguements is that Astrid is waaaaay to pretty to be as strong and hardcore as she is. And that Astrid is the ONLY hot viking chick in Berk. So of course…she’s the hero’s girlfriend.

I mean the other viking women in Berk aren’t that pretty! You’re right! However, take any Disney movie and look behind the main character at the OTHER people.

Let’s take a look at some other OTPs of anti-hiccstrid shippers.

Anna and Elsa?


Can you spot me one girl in that picture that is as pretty as those two? No? Didn’t think so. I’ll leave it at that.

As for outside Hiccstrid friendships:

Toothless is the most important living creature in Hiccup’s life. Hiccup knows it, we know it, and Astrid knows it. And she’s totaly fine with it. If Anti-Hiccstrid shippers would stop focusing so much on hating Hiccstrid, and they actually WATCHED the movies and tv shows, they would see that.

As for Heather, everyone expected Heather to come back in rtte and create another love triangle. Anti-Hiccstrid shippers worshiped that thought. But alas, Heather ships it too.

Suck it. And btw, Astrid didn’t admit her feeling for Hiccup in front of Heather, BECAUSE SHE WAS FREAKING EMBARASSED! Anti-Hiccstrid shippers are calling Astrid out because she hasen’t admitted her feelings for Hiccup yet. That doesn’t mean she dosen’t like him! So what you’re saying is that if you had a crush on someone you really liked, you would easily walk up to them and admit your feelings for them. No? Okay then, stop giving Astrid so much crap! She’s only human!

Okay now for Merricup:

Here’s the deal, I don’t mind these shippers. Not one bit. But some of their arguements just don’t make sense.

Here’s what I don’t get-Of ALL the Disney princesses, Merida is the most independent. And I LOVE her for that! Why do Mericup shippers take away that one thing that made her special from all the other Disney princesses just to make the Hiccstrid fandom mad? To me, that just seems disrespectful.

Don’t get me wrong. Astrid is independent too. But Hiccup is someone that showed her exactly what the world truly is, that people and dragons can live in peace. She loves him for that. She feels so strongly for him that she can only classify her feelings as love. And thus…Hiccstrid was born!

Hiccrunzel (whatever it’s called)

Rapunzel is married. Kay bye.

Okay, this next topic has been circling Tumblr a LOT latley.

Is Hiccstrid abusive?

Here is the definition of an abusive relationship: Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation.

Now recently there was a post about the different types of punches Astrid has up her sleve. And the FIRST thing I thought of when I saw it were: “Well, anti-hiccstrid shippers are gonna be all over that!”

And the next day guess what happened? It was on every anti-hiccstrid blog I could find. (talk about predictable)

It’s easy for anti-hiccstrid shippers to say Astrid is abusive: “She hits him on his shoulder all the time! It’s not like it’s playful, or her teasing him, or like they live in a time in history where women were treated like soldiers not princesses and them hitting a guy isn’t abusive but the way all vikings communicated with each other! Oh wait…”

Now anti-hiccstrid shippers are constantly taking those gifs of the first movie where Astrid twisted Hiccup’s arm in the cove and saying that it is totaly abusive. Even though they’re carefully avoiding the part not even 30 seconds after that when Astrid throws Hiccup to the ground in defense and tells him to run when she sees a dangerous dragon that could possibly hurt him.   ,’:)

Kay then,

AND most importantly, anyone who has been in an abusive relationship can tell you it feels one sided. The love is not there, the other half is never happy and can’t stand the thought of being near the other…

Ummmmm…Hiccup looks pretty happy to me!  :)

When in reality:

When Anti-Hiccstrid, or should I say anti-Astrid people are hating on Astrid, pointing out every single one of her flaws. “OMG! Astrid was TOTALY transformed into a beauty queen in the second movie! OMG! Astrid is so stubborn! OMG! Astrid is a person!”

Just remember, when you say stuff like that you’re disrespecting Dean Deblois. Know him? Probably not. Well he’s the KING behind HTTYD and has carefully thought out every single part of the movie, big or small. Including Astrid. He made her the way she is for a reason. And if you think she isn’t good enough, tell it to the man in Glendale, California making thousands of dollars because he created her. But hey, at least you have a sad group of people over the internet who agree with you. GOOD FOR YOU! :D

Oh, and might I mention:


The mother approves.

When it all comes down to it:

Anti-Hiccstrid shippers don’t hate Astrid. They hate that Hiccup has a female counterpart that isn’t exactly who they want it to be. Astrid could be a sweet little brunette with brown eyes and a cute smile named Franti, and they’d still hate her just as much as Astrid.

Now when all the Anti-Hiccstrid shippers read this, and post their gifs of (I don’t give a fuck) or (old guy falling asleep with boredom) Just remember that the only thing keeping this fandom from it’s constant arguements is you.

At the end of the day, Anti-Hiccstrid shippers just cant handle the fact that Hiccstrid is CANON!

Originally posted by goldenfluffy


And Merricup

Hiccelsa

Hiccanna

Heathcup

Hijack (cringes)

and anything other than Hiccstrid,

Aren’t

Originally posted by trust-me-i-am-a-fangirl

anonymous asked:

I do not know how to put this without coming off hateful but you seem to be quite the TO baby hater. And I do not understand why. It is a baby. It is cute and honestly I do not get all those people that would want to see Klaus's baby getting harmed. Isn't triggering to you? Horrifying? How would a murder of child and of a baby at that make a show better? It would make it worse.

Haven’t you heard? The deepest pits of hell are reserved for horrible people like me and those that wished that a horrific plot device would not define a show that was meant to be successful but ended up a flop because of it.

So let me be honest about this. If I was in charge the baby would have never existed even as an idea. There would not be any harming it because it would have never existed AT ALL. If it had existed and then I was to take over there would be a bloody carnage before its birth and it would have never been born. Why? Because originally the writers and producers had tried to pass of TO as a dark mature vampire show for adult audiences (they even compared it with GoT in their promotions) and diapers do not belong into that kind of shows. I watch horror movies and read horror books. I watch shows like GoT, SoA, the Tudors, Penny Dreadful and so on. I do not believe that fairytales and sweet lullabies and diapers belong to shows like these. And if they do somehow end up inside the perverse universe of those shows they should be treated appropriately with whatever that might mean no matter how horrific it might turn out to be. And guess what. In horror shows and in the horror genre (such as is the Vampire genre for example) the most horrifying acts the better the result. It depends on the genre and of the nature of the particular fiction. For drama you need tears, for comedy you need laughter, for horror you need…horror. Otherwise simply do not categorize these kind of shows in the horror genre. I mean I googled before some days for horror shows and TVD and even TO was in the list and in all reality TO does not belong in that list not by a long shot. It does not serve the genre. And with all due respect if you are searching for cute babies and you consider horror acts (especially inside a supernatural horror series) to be triggering and traumatizing then you are the one in reality that should not be watching shows that are under the horror category and not go after the people that expect to see horror from a horror show.

But do not get me wrong. It wouldn’t just be just the baby that would be toast however if I had a say on this. I would kill everything and everyone. No one would be safe and their end would be terrifying. No distinction between evil beings and innocents and even bystanders. All would meet their demise either as collateral damage or meaningful death that would set a new course for the show and show more layers to the characters that would be left behind. Humans, vampires, witches all ready to be torn apart. Only the Originals would be safe for S1 (Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, Kol) and after S1 not even them anymore. Everyone else surrounding them would be unsafe and a bug ready to be crushed and squashed in the most horrifying unbelievably bloody ways ever imaginable. Gore and blood. And there would be no exceptions. Men, women, babies, children (born and unborn), old people, young people, straight, gay, animals, poc, white people etc etc. No exceptions made. Equal representation, equal murder. Equal manipulation, equal lies and romance and victorian era values and gothic and modern and classic and incest and dark flashbacks and hail Dracula. Sex overdose, rivers of blood, fangs, tears, lipstick painting carved smiles, haunting and classic piano tunes and a cup of tea mixed with Vodka.

It depends on the genre. If you want a show to be mature and dark and depending on its genre you follow a certain path. Do I consider those elements traumatizing? Triggering? Cruel and so on. Yes I do. As traumatizing is to watch mass murderers on screen and feel for them and their “right cause; as traumatizing was Caroline’s rape in TVD S1 and Andie’s abuse; as traumatizing was Klaus murdering Jenna and Carol and his hybrids and many others; people being lifted to the air and ending up having their throats becoming a gruesome sight of mangled flesh, people’s heads being severed off, fingers being cut off, being stabbed to death, bleeding everywhere, torn hearts, funerals, abuse, murder, drug addictions, blood and so on. No one keeps saying how those stuff should not have been shown in TVD however. Why? Were they not traumatizing and triggering? Killing a baby does it for you but seeing a sixteen year old scream in terror after been brutally bitten and manhandled and terrorized and physically and emotionally abused and being compelled to become a sex slave is okay? Are the viewers of TVD (that part of them happens to be the majority of TO’s audience at least to 90%) haters and vile creatures that get off and are turned on by watching these kind of triggering stuff? No. But this is a certain kind of genre and a certain form of art that depicts certain acts. It is fiction. And if you can’t deal with that kind of entertainment you then should decide to watch another kind.

So it is not so much as me being a TO or a baby hater in general. As of me wanting to get the show I was promised without any nonsense and OOC in the process.

Anyway it didn’t happen so there is no reason to keep talking about it.

And to make one more thing clear. TO imo is not salvageable. Maybe there was an opportunity in the past for the show to be course corrected if the writers dropped off all the dead weight and actually delivered on their promise for a dark mature adult show but that didn’t happen. To the state TO is right now there are no fixing solutions. So of course I do not care to see a dead baby in it just for the heck of it. It would not offer anything to TO now anyway. The infinitesimally small fandom that is left watching TO is pro baby anyway. If the writers would harm that baby they would lose their last viewers without gaining the genre viewers back because TO has shown its true colors and has lost most of the fans that could support a dark show. Those fans after all that time and after all that writing shit are not coming back. That ship has sailed….So either the baby lives or not, stays or goes or has any kind of fate it is irrelevant to me and many more others because the show is irrelevant now.

All my criticism in general (including Chucky) is about the mistakes I saw happening to TVD and the origins of TO for as long as I was watching (and loving with all my heart those characters) and for all the failed potential and for what those shows could have been but never was because of incompetence from the part of the writers; my metas are targeting my views over the shows from a certain period of time and when people ask I answer. That certain period of time basically is TVD S1 - TVD S4 / TO backdoor pilot plus interviews and some comments and metas I see in tumblr and “educate” me about what is happening on the shows currently. My metas are now mostly (and way more rare than they used to be) about TO’s original intentions that were failed to be delivered. That is it. So of course for that time I mention I was and am against the Nope plot device because it was a harmful idea that created a hot mess. But that is Plec for you and that is my personal taste.

So instead of worrying about other peoples’ opinions over fiction maybe you should enjoy your show and the cute baby in it and leave everyone else in peace.

Are You Too Busy To Get Better?

I’ve had better Mondays. After a disappointment came a cancellation, then another one. 

Rolling around a conversation from my own therapy that morning (it’s part of ethical practice to make sure we therapists sort out our own heads to avoid any possibility of us doing so through our clients) I was reflecting on a few seemingly disparate questions which later converge in my mind into one core theme. Do we feel an entitlement to happiness? What is it that causes us to constantly fall into the same emotional holes? Why do the same things hurt us over and over again?

In modern society we are encouraged to hold dearly the belief that anything is possible, but even further, that anything is our right. If I want it, I can have it, but that’s not really the case is it?

You’d think that having identified a hole in the ground would give us the required ability to walk around it rather than tumbling into it. We scan forwards and around with our adult eyes but, in an instant, find ourselves tumbling down into the deep earth staring up at a pinhole sky feeling the same inadequacy and frustration that we felt the last time we took the fall. Slowly we begin the painstaking business of clambering out berating ourselves for being so careless and full of assurance that it won’t happen again. Until the next time.

There are many opportunities to feel pain in our lives and they largely boil down to situations in which we believe we are not enough. Not smart enough, not loved enough, not worthy enough, not strong enough. Whenever we are exposed to the situations which might invoke this emotion the pain is as vibrant and resonant as it ever was, sometimes even more so as the years pass by. 

So, we might have ever increasing expectations that life will go as we would wish it, but then we keep falling into the same holes which suggest that the world is not as straightforward as that, and then we start to ask ourselves why we can’t find happiness and keep faltering coming up with an obvious answer, it’s probably something wrong with us, we’re not enough.

The basis might lie in the past, way way back where it’s hard to see, back in our childhood selves. We might have learned that it’s better just to get on with it even when life is tough. We might have learned that strong emotions are not displayed but instead held tightly to our chests. We might have learned that the devil makes work for idle hands. We might have learned that sadness or stress or any emotional difficulty is weakness, and that weakness is a sin. We might have learned a good many things that have turned out to be unhelpful or just plain wrong.

It sometimes happens that people cancel their sessions with me because they are too busy. Too busy to recover? Perhaps what they are focused on is too important to leave alone, certainly more important than their own happiness and peace of mind clearly.

Sometimes people ask how much it costs to come and see me and, when I tell them, they go silent. Perhaps they have found another therapist better suited or cheaper or both, or perhaps they have decided that their recovery isn’t worth as much as it costs. Perhaps they just don’t believe sufficiently in the process. 

People used to tell me all the time to put testimonials on my website and I have always declined. A testimonial from someone is contextually so personal that it is rendered of zero value to anyone else, but in addition I have no interest in persuading people that they might need help. The very first step and arguably the most important one is to recognise that you need something, you might not know exactly what, but you know that help is required. It is this central conflict between wanting to be enough and feeling we are not which can prevent us from stepping in and pulling ourselves from the fire.

This is not to suggest that all therapy with all therapists is successful because it plainly isn’t, but it is true that many clients abandon the ship long before it has reached the port. Our expectation that improvement is needed and it must happen now combines with our continued predisposition to fall into the same holes and we figure that our therapy isn’t working. When we overlay that with the underlying belief that going to therapy in the first place is at best a bit self indulgent and at worst a huge sledgehammer to crack a tiny nut we don’t sail much further before we leap out into the lifeboats making urgently for the shore we only recently left. A combination of feeling something isn’t working fast enough and that we’re not worth it anyway is an intoxicating mix strong enough to pull us out of any chair or off any couch.

Therapeutic work can be very challenging because there is no prescriptive requirement as to what you must look at, talk about, examine. The client can control how far we both look together and can keep hidden what it feels too frightening to reveal. It is predictably in the painful and frightening revelations that change tends to happen most enduringly, but even then fast paced change is far from a certainty. 

One of the most clearly frustrating aspects of any emotional therapy is that once a problem is brought into sharp relief the breaking it down, dismantling, correcting, adjusting, circumnavigating can be a process which frequently appears painfully difficult. Like a ball floating in a stream, bobbing gently, going nowhere but just agonisingly out of reach we are faced again with the contrast between the world as it is and the world as we would want it to be. To retrieve the ball might require sitting patiently until the wind changes direction and blows it toward us, and the alternative is to relinquish the need to get the ball back at all and instead turn attention to that which is reachable. Patience and acceptance are perhaps two of the most valuable tools we have in the box.

Sometimes a problem emerges into the room that at first sight looks to be impenetrable. Death and ageing are two such examples. What are we to do about either? To set about changing them is as pointless as holding the hands of a clock and expecting time to stand still. Similarly a realisation after sometimes many years that change is required is unlikely to be satisfied in an instant.

Talking to my friend Martin yesterday our discussion turned to the topic of this blog. As a recovering alcoholic now over three years into his recovery he offered a pithy but accurate insight into why it might take us time to make changes. “It takes practice to fuck up” he told me. Yes, yes it does, it is rarely the case that we wake up one morning and find that the world has fallen apart, we have to work hard to make it fall apart through our strong held negative beliefs, through our systematic self abandonment and destruction, through our refusal to acknowledge what is good in preference for a focus on all that isn’t. To stay in one depleted state for months and years takes great skill and practice because as human beings we are constantly changing so to stall the change in favour of remaining solidly less than we are takes effort. What is true for the physical is true for the emotional. 

When I was a small boy I used to love to sit with my father watching TV. I would hold his hand and run my finger idly along the rough skin of his index finger. It was soothing and comforting. A short while after he died I realised that I had scratched a similar patch on my own index finger presumably so that I could feel the comfort and connection I had lost. It took me consistent effort to create that assimilation of my lost father and now I have a scar there which I sometimes find myself rubbing. If I wanted the skin to heal I would need more than a couple of days because I have created something lasting and substantial and we do the same to ourselves emotionally. But having created the emotional mark, wound, scar we can have an expectation that it should improve instantly otherwise whatever we are doing must be failing.

Whatever you do in life you might have to give yourself a chance to get the result you desire. It might take money, it might take time and it might take both but most of all it will take faith. It might well take faith in someone else but it will definitely take faith in yourself. Whatever you do don’t undervalue yourself and convince yourself that everything is important apart from you.

Every day there are reminders of the fragility of life. Earlier this week Australian cricketer Phillip Hughes died after being hit by a ball. The impact of such a tragic event is far wider than simply the loss of a young life not yet in full bloom. There is nothing that he can do anymore but for everyone left, however deep the grief and pain, hope endures, always. Never snuff it out.

#BelieveInSwanQueen

1) I am Swen

Hi!  My name is Tracie.  I’m a 43 year old pug-mommy.  I am originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, but am now an American living in Sweden.  I love writing and relieving the press of ideas from my mind.  I don’t claim to be the best writer but I am a happy one.  

Some of my favorite things: snuggling with my cuddle-nugget (the GF), playing with my pug, laughing with family and friends, reading stories with happy endings, creating happy endings and daydreaming about meet-cutes, love, sex, whatever.  Oh, and world peace.  Always world peace.

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