yes he was joking

In Reverse.

Just an idea that i have in mind. 

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Ao3: Click me to read. 


Lance had many hidden talents. He could sing, he could play the guitar, and was the only one in his family that could rival his mother cooking. 

And, to everyone’s surprise, he was really good at flirting. Yes, he liked to joke around and tell girls stupid pick-up-lines, but he knew none of the things he said were going to get him somewhere with them. To be honest, it was only a game for him. 

His stupid flirting always got people to laugh, to relax, which was his main goal. 

But his actual flirting? Well, it always got him whatever he wanted.

Do you want to get into a place for free? Just bat your eyes and giggle a little. If you can, show a bit of skin. Do you need a favor? Call the person pretty names, hug them. Be a little more touchy, but still keep a distance. You don’t want them to think they can touch you whenever they want. Do you need money or need to buy something? Well, you need to work more for that one. Be nice, have little details with them. Hug them, hold their hand. Let them know that you care and you want something more than just a friendship even when you don’t. Be subtle, act naive and just drop hints that you want or need things. If you have them well wrapped around your finger, they will get anything that you ask for just to make you happy. Don’t forget to give them a few kisses, you need to keep them interested! If they start asking for more just leave them immediately.

To be honest, Lance was not… Truly proud of this talent. He didn’t like playing with other people’s feelings, but he did what he had to do to help his family. They didn’t have much money, and his mother and father struggled a lot to make sure they could attend to school and had something to eat everyday. 

His flirtation was something he did to have fun once in a while, but after he realised how much he was getting from it he started taking advantage. At first they were simply stuff. Being able to go to places without spending a penny was good. He could still have fun without wasting his parents money on unnecessary things.

But then he started meeting new people. And these persons he met were wealthy as fuck. And Lance use this on his favor… He befriend them, he started flirting, and then manipulated into paying his family debts. Of course, for them it was nothing. Just more money to throw away in order to impress Lance and get on his good side. 

For him? It meant everything when the bills arrived and saw the relief and confusion on his parents faces.

He stopped doing when he thought it was enough and spent the rest of his days studying to get a full scholarship on the Garrison to try to fufill his dream of becoming a pilot to travel the universe. 

Of course, he never expected going so soon and becoming a part of as important as Voltron. To be honest, Lance felt really out of place. All of his teammates had amazing skills and great things to offer. Him? He didn’t have much, really. His talents weren’t a thing people usually looked for in a warrior.

Yes, he was smart ans was getting so much better in battle. But he didn’t have anything especial. 

They took Zarkon down. They didn’t kill him, but he was to hurt to keep fighting. Everyone saw this as an opportunity to take the Galra Empire down now once and for all thinking that now they didn’t have a ruler it was going to be much easier. 

Needless to say, they were wrong. 

A new ruler arrived. His name? Lotor. An old friend of princess Allura. He asked for an audience with her. She accepted, claiming that she once knew him and that he deserved the benefit of the doubt. 

They introduced themselves to the prince after he greeted Allura. They took their helmets off. Lance didn’t fail to notice the look Lotor was giving him. 

Lotor was… Different. For the way he talked, everyone could see Lotor wasn’t too comfortable with following his father’s wishes, but was too loyal to go agaisnt him. 

The prince, unlike his father, had feelings.

Voltron and Allura talked with the prince for hours. Once they realised they wouldn’t conviced Lotor to give up the fight, Allura changed the topic to more personal matters. Even when he was an enemy, he used to be her friend and was the only one apart from Coran and Zarkon who was left from her time. 

Lance stared at the prince, shared some coy smiles and exchange a few words. When they changed from room, he put himself besides him and touch his shoulder after telling a joke. 

Some laughed, some rolled their eyes. 

Maybe he wasn’t as skillful as his friends, but Lance wasn’t an idiot either. If there was something Lance knew how to do, it was playing with people’s feelings.

The prince blushed, and he called it a victory.



I asked myself many times, “what if instead of Lotor manipulating Lance feelings, it was Lance who did the manipulating?”  and this came out. i may write more if people like this ???? and leave comments ???? idk love you all ♥  

Paper Stars

Summary: Dan starts to get love notes in his locker in the form of origami stars, so he gets the help of his best friend, Phil, to figure out who it is.
Word Count: 2,398
Warnings: cussing
A/N: Thanks to @insanityplaysfics as always for giving me ideas. I’m a fucking sap recently because my boyfriend proposed to me and I just wanna write a crapton of fluff and puke rainbows everywhere. This is short and sweet, which is very rare for me! I hope you like it anyways!
Read it on AO3

-

The day Dan opened his locker to a strange slip of paper folded into an origami star was one of the strangest moments of his life.

“What,” Dan said simply, giving the offending paper a strange look. He bent down and retrieved it, staring at it long and hard. It was thin, made with a flowery paper, and he could just make out words written in very small print on it. “What,” Dan said again.

With a small amount of struggle, Dan managed to unwrap the star, revealing the writing inside. The script was sloppy to the point where Dan thinks it was written with the wrong hand. Dan said “what” again and the word didn’t even sound like it was real anymore. It took him a few minutes to read what it said due to the scribble, but he eventually managed.

‘i used to stare out the window because i thought the scenery was beautiful. Then i saw you and suddenly the world didnt seem nearly as captivating as before.

Keep reading

Needs Of Approval

Pairing: Kol x Reader (Ft. Klaus & Elijah)

Warnings: A lot of gifs used (; And this is a bit long, so get cozy and enjoy!

Word Count: 2731

PART TWO 


Klaus was a good friend to your parents for years and years. When they died, you were just 12 years old. There was no one else to look after you, so Klaus took you in like the child he never had.

It has been 9 years that he’s been taking care of you and those 9 years hasn’t been easy. You were constantly moving from place to place, unable to call any place your home. Until finally, Klaus settled into a small town called ‘Mystic Falls’. Klaus did run into a few problems here and there with the Salvatore brothers, but he always kept you out of it. The last thing he wants is to see you hurt. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Soon, he had a mansion built for you and his family to live in. You finally got to meet Rebekah and Elijah, who were nothing but kind to you, but you were wondering when you would ever meet Finn and Kol. Eventually, Rebekah ended up getting daggered again which did upset you because she was like a sister to you.

You never understood why Klaus had a thing for daggering his siblings. The last time you brought up that subject, he said that it’s complicated and to not ask again. And so you obeyed.

Right now, Klaus & Elijah are having dinner with the Salvatore brothers about this whole ‘Elena’ situation with Klaus’s hybrids. Of course, since Klaus wants to keep you out of his mess, he advised you to stay in your room and not get involved, no matter what kind of ruckus you hear.

You’re currently in your room, sitting comfortably under the covers on your bed reading a book. The walls weren’t so thick because you can hear mumbles of all of the men exchanging words. It made you feel better knowing that no one is fighting and no one is getting hurt.

Minutes go by and you could’ve sworn you heard Rebekah’s voice. You closed your book, setting it on the bed and slowly got out of bed, walking towards your door while you tried listening in more. And that’s when you also noticed some unfamiliar male voices and Klaus yelling in pain.

You know that Klaus doesn’t want you involved but you couldn’t help but rush to him in aid. You care for him so much that you’re even willing to let him feed on you a little if he really needed it. He took care of you and you saw it as your obligation to return the favor.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, his screams stop and you hear Elijah calmly say, “this is family business.”

Entering the dining room where everyone is, the first thing you see is Klaus leaning over the table, waiting for the pain to pass.

“Family business? What family business?! What’s going on?!” You shouted.

Everyone turns around to look at you. You noticed that Stefan and Damon were gone and you see two men. They looked familiar but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

“Y/N please. Just go back to your room.” Klaus begged.

“No seriously, what are you guys doing to Nik. And who the hell are you two?” You scoffed at the two men.

Before they could get a word in, Elijah spoke. “My dear Y/N. This is Kol and Finn.” Elijah pointed at each one individually as he named them.

Your jaw dropped. You couldn’t believe it. I mean, what an awkward first way to meet them.

“Who might this be?” Finn asked.

“Yeah who the bloody hell are you? Nik’s girl?” Kol added, putting his hands on his hips. You glared at Kol’s remark, you never thought of Klaus in a romantic way. You always saw him as your guardian, your protector.

Elijah walked over to you. “It’s quite a long story. I assure you, I’ll explain it all to you later.” He put one hand on your back and the other leading to the stairs. “Come.”

Elijah took his time to tell you everything that was going on while Klaus and the rest of the siblings handled their issues. Eventually you understood that this family is flat out dysfunctional, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. You all even came to find out that their mother, Esther was alive as well. How odd.


Over this short amount of time, you didn’t exactly see Kol as a brother like you do, Elijah. You weirdly found him attractive, actually. You didn’t know if it was his looks or his wittiness, even though he is the wreck less Mikaelson sibling. Not knowing if he felt the same or not, you just kept it to yourself. 

Today is the Mikaelson Ball. Klaus was kind enough to lend you his credit card to buy yourself the proper attire for tonight. Rebekah even went with you to shop and even helped herself to her brother’s credit card as well.

Finally, after trying on over 10 dresses, you’ve found the perfect one. It was a backless sequin mermaid floor length dress. The best part is that it hugged your body perfectly.

And of course, since Klaus loves spoiling you, he also hired someone to style your hair and work on your makeup in your bedroom. You were just enjoying being pampered.

You were finished getting ready before any of the guests arrived, so you walked downstairs anyways to await their arrival. Walking downstairs, sliding your fingers on the railing, you saw the hired butlers getting champagne glasses filled. You even saw Kol helping himself to a glass. You tried your best to make sure you didn’t step on your dress as you were taking each step, by holding it up a few inches. With three steps left until you’ve reached the flat ground, there was Kol with his hand reaching out to you.  

At first, Kol only saw you as a mere roommate. But once he saw how stunning you looked in this very moment, it changed his entire perspective of you. He thought to himself how absolutely stunning you looked. His lips parted and he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Now he felt like he just had to have you, even if he had to go through his brother Niklaus.

“I assumed you were in need of some assistance, Y/N.” Kol said to you.

You chuckled, grabbing onto his hand once you got closer. “Yeah I was struggling for a minute.” You let go of his hand once you reached the floor.

“So who might your escort be tonight?” Kol asked, then took a sip of his champagne, keeping his eyes on you, awaiting your answer.

“No one actually. Because no matter who it is, he’ll never be good enough for Klaus.”

“To hell with that bloody wanker.”

“Kol stop-” You shook your head, stifling a laugh.

“I’m only joking.” Kol put his hands up in defense. “See here, darling, I happen to not have a date as well. So do you mind?” He smiled at you.

“What?” You were shocked. Quickly, you snapped yourself out of it. “I mean, really?” Kol Mikaelson wants you as his date for the ball? This can’t be happening. You must be dreaming.

“You best hurry before I change my mind, Y/N.” He joked.

“Yes. Yes, I’ll be your…um…date?” You didn’t know to question it or word it as a statement because you just couldn’t believe it.

Kol grabbed your right hand, saying, “Marvelous.” Then he slowly planted a kiss on the back of your hand. Your cheeks blushed red as you heard footsteps approach down the hall.

It was Niklaus that was here to ruin the moment. Oh no. “What is this?” He asked, not looking too happy at all.

You just froze, surprisingly being able to get a word out. “Klaus, we-”

“Y/N is letting me escort her to the ball. Perhaps you don’t mind.” Kol smirked, confidently walking towards the original hybrid.

Klaus had his hands behind his back, clenching his jaw, then revealed his crooked smile. He didn’t want to cause a scene today. “Hm… I thought you would at least choose a man that is more suitable for you.” He looked at you, then put one arm out straight to point at Kol.

Kol just glared at his older brother.

“Well according to you, no man is suitable for me. And technically, you could’ve taken Kol’s place, you know. But you’re too infatuated with that bitch, Caroline.” You spat. You’ve never liked Caroline for Klaus. She was always so rude to him, yet he was head over heels for her. 

“Y/N, do not start with me.” Klaus growled. You know that your remark about Caroline would bother him and you didn’t care because he was being a hypocrite.

“Don’t judge me on my date and I won’t judge you on yours.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest, wearing a straight face.

Klaus fell silent. He narrowed his eyes at you, then gave Kol the death stare and stormed to another room in the house to let off some steam.

“Well then, this night is off to a fantastic start.” Kol joked, in an attempt to ease the tension.

“I mean, am I right or am I right?”

Kol nodded his head in agreement, then grabbed a glass of champagne for you to cheers with him.

Finally the guests started arriving. Every few minutes, more and more arrived. And almost all of them were wowed by how ginormous the mansion is and the choice of decor for the occasion. 

You stayed by Kol’s side while the both of you playfully voiced your opinions to each other about each guest that walked in. One of the things you do enjoy about Kol is that he doesn’t take everything seriously. He’s someone you can have fun with.

“Kol! Look Look!” You tapped him on the arm with your hand to look forward to get his attention because he got carried away on his smart phone. He was still getting the hang of using that device.

“Oooo who is it now?” He asked excitedly, putting his phone in his pocket.

“That’s that slut Elena and her Salvatore brothers. Klaus has told me all about her.” You said disgustingly.

“I bet they have threesomes. How fun.” Kol said, raising his brows up. 

You gagged, almost choking on your champagne.

“You alright there, darling?” Kol laughed, patting you on the back.

“Thank you. Thank you for that comment. I almost just died because of you.”

(Later…)

After sharing laughs and even more champagne, you decided to excuse yourself to the ladies room. “I’ll be back, Kol.”

“No matter.” Kol replied.

“Do you mind?” You asked, handing him your champagne glass to hold onto until you come back. He responded with a nod, then you went on your way.

Coming back from the loo, you didn’t see Kol in his original spot, you figured he’d be back, so you just hung around waiting for him to return. You observed all of the guests having a great time and even spotted Klaus with Caroline. He was just so mesmerized by her. Gross.

What you didn’t notice is that every now and then throughout the night, Klaus would look around to check up on you, making sure you’re not getting into any trouble with Kol. He despised that the one person you happened to allow to escort you is Kol. He knows the ins and outs of his little brother and doesn’t think his intentions for you are good.

“I see your escort is not by your side.” You hear from behind you, so you turn around to see that it’s Elijah, the oh so noble steed.

“Oh yeah. He’s probably grabbing a bite, if you know what I mean.” Blood from a human’s neck is exactly what you meant.

“Certainly. And might I add, I’ve noticed that the two of you have become quite friendly this evening.”

“I mean, if you say so Elijah.” You shrugged your shoulders at Elijah’s opinion. You wondered why it concerns him because Elijah is the least judgmental out of all of his brothers. Maybe he’s just making small talk? Who knows.

“Well, I-” Before Elijah could get a sentence out, Kol pops up and disrupts.

“Ah there you are, Y/N. Am I interrupting?” Kol said half-aloud with that accent of his that you just die for. Instead of finishing his sentence, Elijah just ended up excusing himself.

Not a moment too soon, you see Elijah making himself known at the top of stairs. “If anyone could gather, please.”

You and Kol were the first ones at the stairs. Elijah waited until the rest of his siblings followed. 

As you were minding your business watching everyone gather, out of nowhere Kol decides to snake his arm around your waist. It made your heart skip a beat and you surely hoped Kol didn’t hear it. You didn’t want him to know that he makes you nervous. 

As Klaus was excusing himself from being by Caroline’s side, he did see Kol getting too touchy for his own comfort. It did infuriate him, making him tempted to snap Kol’s neck right there on the spot. But, Klaus, and all the rest of his siblings, know how important this ball if to their mother, Esther. So, Klaus chose to let this one go.

You turned your head while your eyes were scanning around the room and the moment you saw Klaus, you quickly moved Kol’s arm away from your waist.

Once Klaus and Rebekah finally made their way to join the three of you at the top of the stairs, Elijah made his speech inviting all of the guests to join in on The Waltz. 

The guests followed to the ballroom, but you just stood in your spot, being left alone at the stairs. “Shit.” You said to yourself.

(Meanwhile…)

“You best mind your manners when it comes to Y/N. Do you comprehend?” Klaus growled at Kol as they were walking down the stairs.

“Don’t worry Nik, she’s safe with me.” Kol smiled and gave a wink.

Klaus wasn’t amused with his brother whatsoever, so he shot him a glare and stormed off to find Caroline.

Kol looked left and right after finally noticing that you’re nowhere near him. He looked behind him at the stairs and saw that you have a lost look on his face, so he rushed over to you.

“What’s the matter?” Kol asked, concerned that it was something serious.

“Um. This is embarrassing, but I don’t know how to Waltz or whatever. Nobody ever taught me.”

“Not to fret, darling. It’s easy. Just follow my lead.” Kol assured you, then picked up your hand, leaving a kiss on your knuckles. Of course, you blushed bright red at his gesture.


The night ended amazingly. When the night was coming to an end, you and all of The Mikaelsons stood around to thank every guest for coming. 

After all of the guests were finally gone, Klaus disappeared to his room to do god knows what. That’s when Kol decided to take advantage of the opportunity. You were about to leave to walk to your room, but Kol stopped you by lightly grabbing your wrist.

“Yes?” You were puzzled.

“I don’t mean to be a too much of a bother, but how about we pretend?” Kol flashed a grin.

“Pretend? Pretend what?” You chuckled at his suggestion. The word ‘pretend’ just brings you back to your childhood when you would use your wild imagination to ‘play pretend’.

“Seeing as we live under the same roof, allow me to walk you…to your bedroom.”

“This is really corny but okay.” As cheesy as you think this is, you can’t blame Kol because he was out of the loop for a hundred years. But, this gesture of his did make you feel some type of way.

Reaching your bedroom, the two of you were face to face under your door frame. “Have a lovely evening, Miss Y/L/N.” Instead of Kol kissing the back of your hand per usual, he left a gentle kiss on your forehead, then left elsewhere in the mansion.

This night ended up being better than you’ve ever anticipated. 

  • me: the worst thing about getting unlikely lovers right after thrill of first love on shuffle is the contrast in whizzer's tone of voice. in thrill of first love, he sounds very cocky and we get the impression that he is only with marvin for sex--which is a little sad because marvin left his wife and child to be with whizzer. however, in unlikely lovers, he adapts a much softer, more emotional attitude, and we know from this alone that he has come to care very deeply about marvin. i get the feeling that during the two years of their separation, both men realised just how much they loved each other. this must have been a big deal for whizzer, who is portrayed as a little apathetic in act one. and now that he's finally come to accept his feelings for marvin, he falls fatally ill. and yes, we see him still joking around a little bit ("do you want me to reply?") but the fact that his voice is so much more emotional and fragile shows real character development.
  • taxi driver: we're here
2

DOODLES YES. I had way too much coffee a few hours ago so I started drawing like a madman (even tho I should have been doing homework).

The last pic is me merging Star vs the Forces of Evil with Hunter x Hunter and the first drawing was based off of a thing I saw of people wearing shirts like that (i drew the first one in an hour ok, I know it’s bad)

6

mentioning his height is probably like a taboo in the house

yeah if you haven’t noticed before, the age differences in this au are slightly different from canon. I wanted the kids to be closer in age so I made the gap smaller (I mean Wendy is like, what, 6,7 years younger than Natsu and Gajeel? Yeah, I just didn’t want to make them teenagers here I guess)

alternative title for this post: everyone bullies Sting

I’m upset right now. I posted this as a comment to the video, but I’m posting it here too. I seriously hope I’m not talking over anyone in the response that I did make. Please let me know. I really am so disappointed with @markiplier, because for preaching respect, he overlooked that there are people who have been disrespected beyond Felix.


How about you talk to Felix about respect, Mark. Because respect isn’t a one-way street, and he hasn’t done anything to earn that respect from me. Of course everyone deserves the same rights and freedoms, but respect is not a right. Respect is earned. And if Felix wants respect, he needs to be respectful to the people he’s asking to receive respect from - and he’s done the exact opposite.

“Even if you just boil it down to common human decency … The golden rule still applies. You still need to treat people the way that you want to be treated." 

Really? Common human decency? Stuff like, maybe, not joking about the genocide of a group of people who have, many times through history, been the targets of hate, and of course, also a genocide.

Joking about something that has happened to real people who are still alive on this planet. People who were affected, by going through it themselves, or losing family members… That definitely feels like treating other people the way you want to be treated.


"Felix is not an antisemite, and Felix does not advocate hate." 

Felix may not be intending to come off as antisemetic. He very well may not wish death onto all Jews, I understand that. However, antisemitism is still a very real problem in the world, and is on a very violent rise.

Having a platform as big as Felix’s, and then joking about antisemitism does so much harm. It normalizes it. Whether that was the intent or not, that’s exactly what happened. As Felix himself said, "neo-Nazi groups have been referencing [him], have been praising [him], for making these kinds of jokes.” That’s an enormous problem. And yes, he did make a statement to clear up that he does not support these groups, but the problem that he said something that they outright agreed with, that they could use to say “look, someone hugely famous on the internet agrees with us” in the first place is still so wrong.


“And I’m not even defending the jokes that he made, because even he has apologized for some of the jokes that he did." 

Yes. He apologized in the most deflective way possible. He said it was about disagreeing with what he said. That’s not the entire picture. No, I don’t think Felix is actually a fascist, or a neo-Nazi, but he (whether or not it was inadvertent at this point really doesn’t matter) made jokes that fed into those ideals. That’s not okay. A half-assed apology that feels a lot like someone saying "I’m sorry you were offended”, which is a shit apology by the way because it doesn’t apologize for their actions at all, is not good enough.


So yeah, I agree, respect is important. But you can’t tell us to respect someone who has shown blatant disrespect for people himself. Even beyond this one incident, there’s a lot of stuff that’s been said by Felix over the years, for example, the use of slurs against a number of communities, that has outright disrespected those groups. You can’t hold us to this standard of having to show a person respect when he cannot respect us. 

I started by saying that respect is something earned, and that it’s not a one-way street. I think we may have different definitions of respect, because I agree that all people, regardless of how bad they are, are humans, are equals, deserve the same rights and freedoms as everyone else on the planet. But in my eyes, that’s not respect.

Respect, to me, is much deeper than that, and very abstract, but essentially, it involves thinking highly of that person and holding them in some esteem. And to do that, to respect someone like that, I need to have that returned in some capacity. I will not respect someone who has shown that he will not show any respect to others who have been harmed or in any way affected by his comments by so much as giving a genuine, not self-serving apology.

Yes, Felix deserves to be treated like a human being. Yes, there are people who are twisting things he did, such as the whole pointing off camera being turned into him doing a Nazi salute. But what he said was not okay. His apology was self-serving at best, and disingenuous at worst. And while you say you’re not defending the jokes that he made, you’re not condemning them either.

What Felix did was wrong. I get that you want to support a friend, but what was done was wrong. That can’t be overlooked. And by telling us to simply respect Felix right now overlooks that what he said affected people and takes away those peoples’ voices. That’s not a very respectful thing to do.

That’s A No

A/N: i don’t do smut, so don’t ask || enjoy ♥

Fandom: Disney Descendants

Boy: Harry Hook

Word Count: 1,117

Warning(s): Fluff

‘’I want you.’’

Keep reading

  • Phil: *swears*
  • Me: FINALLY YES PHIL
  • Dan: *swears*
  • Me: shut the fuck up and leave
2

Johnny Depp on David Letterman show:

-He'a a legend, He’s Al Pacino. He’s an amazing actor certainty but, you know, the one thing I didn’t really  know about Pacino, prior to the shooting was that he’s certifiably insane.
-Oh really, you’ve seen the paperwork apparently. How does that manifests itself?
-He has a joke, he likes to tell
-He likes to tell joke?
-Oh yes, he likes to tell jokes and he liked tell me this one specific joke over and over. And I really didn’t understand it.
-You didn’t get the joke.
-I did’t get the joke.
-And he thought it was your problem that you didn’t get the joke.
-Yeah absolutely, he definitely thought it was my problem.
-So he keeps wearing you down with the same joke.
-He flicked at it upon me and I could feel like, you know, IQ points dropping.
-The greater the pressure, the dumper you feel. Did you ever understand the joke?
-I finally figured it out yeah.
-Do you remember the joke?
- Yeah. He used to lean over and go “A skeleton goes into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.” But I mean on a loop.
-Over and over again. I must say, you kind of expect a little more from Al Pacino. I’m kind of on your side here. I get it but I don’t want to admit that I get it.

Me, while watching potc5:

Originally posted by gifsforthemasses

Dangerous Man (John Wick x Reader)

Originally posted by anothermoviepage

Working at The Continental isn’t at all what you thought it’d be. 

SPOILER FREE FIC.


You smoothed out your shirt and looked in the mirror. It was your first day on the job. You were decked out head to toe in brand new clothes. All from a designer you’d never heard of. All custom made to fit you perfectly.  All completely free. On top of that, you’d be making a salary that, at entry level, was six figures. And all you had to do was deliver room service.

But there was a saying you’d heard since you were young: If it’s too good to be true, then it probably is.

You should have suspected something was off when you had to give a blood sample, a urine sample, a DNA swab, and answer a thirteen page questionnaire that included things like “list the full names of your parents, siblings, and grandparents” or “do you have any experience with sutures, cauterization, or CPR?”

And then the interview, itself, felt more like an interrogation. The whole thing gave you this weird feeling in your gut, but this was also the most exclusive hotel in New York City. Getting a room here wasn’t about whether or not you had the money, but whether or not you knew the right people, and even then, it was typically booked solid. You’d even heard a rumor that The Queen of England was denied a room once. Of course they’d be picky about their staff.

But after the lengthy interview process and dozen or so signatures on papers you probably should have read, you found out the truth about The Continental.

The manager’s name was Winston. He was nice enough, though he had a very “no nonsense” attitude about him. The more you found out about the place, though, the more you understood why. It was a safe haven for a secret society of people. Assassins. Hit men. Gang Lords. The underground elite of not only New York, but the entire world. The only currency accepted from customers were gold coins. One gold coin was the equivalent to one favor. It was a simple system, Winston explained, but complex to newcomers. You’d pick it up over time. All you needed to know was that if you got a coin, you kept a close eye on it.

Additionally, the hotel followed a strict set of rules, but the two that most concerned you were that staff was never to ask questions, and no business could ever be conducted on hotel grounds. The latter of the two should have made you feel safer, but instead, it just made you more nervous.

Upon the conclusion of your meeting with Winston, he presented you with a single gold coin. You looked at him curiously. He smiled, and said simply:

“A welcome gift.”

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Maybe in July 10th I’ll come back and surprise you all, give some of you a heart attack. But never say never. It’s my home, the club which has shown the most confidence in me. I’m young, nice, and friendly… I have it all. Who knows? Maybe in time there will be another opportunity, but in the next few years, no.
—  Luis Enrique on whether he’d consider a return to coaching Barcelona in the future.

people still think that dan and phil are going to make a coming out video but what they dont realize is that 2017 is their coming out video