Beni hemen anlatmalısın, çünkü ben kitap değilim, çünkü ben öldükten sonra kimse beni okuyamaz, yaşarken anlaşılmaya mecburum, ben Van Gogh'un resmi değilim, öldükten sonra beni müzeye koyamazsınız, beni tanımalısınız ki benden bahsedin, çocuklarınıza beni örnek gösterin, herkes zengin olmak yerine Hikmet olmak istesin, ah bir Hikmetim olsaydı desin
Bu yazıya gerek duymak asıl utanç olsa da hala toplumun çok büyük bir kısmı anlatacağım konuda utanmakta ısrar ediyor. Herkesin bildiği bir gerçek var. Biz kadınlar minicik yaşlardan itibaren her ay kanıyoruz. Kimi kesim bunu yaşamaya başlarken ailesi tarafından bilgilendirilirken kimilerimiz minik bedenlerimizin kaldıramayacağı bir dehşet içinde selamlıyor hayatı.
Henüz on üç yaşında okuduğum Duygu Asena’nın Kadının Adı Yok romanında zihnimde aydınlanmayı yaşamıştım. Kitapta da bahsedildiği üzere erkeklere sünnet zamanı bayram kutlamaları yaşatılırken, üstelik bu kadın erkek yaşlı çocuk farketmeksizin hediyeler halaylar eşliğinde yapılırken; kız çocuğu tabirinden kadınlığa adım atılırken kızlar anneleriyle bile konuşamadan utancından yerin dibine girip anne kişisinin kızına ‘Sus aman baban duymasın, kimseye bahsetme, ayıp’ dedikten on beş dakika sonra telefonu kaldırıp teyze hala yenge türevlerine ‘ay kız büyüdü dıdısı, ağlıyor içerde’ deyip daha da utandırmasına kafayı taktım en çok.
Erkek egemen bir dünyada, yine erkeklerin objeleştirdiği biz kadınlar, aynı zamanda kadını kadın yapan unsurları iğrenç bularak ego tatmini mi yapıyor? Yoksa bu erkeklerin değil, kadınların kendi utançları mı? Ben buna yalnızca bir birey olarak karşı çıkabilirim. Ve size yemin olsun benim bir kızım olduğunda ne kadar eş dost akraba varsa çağırıp kızımın bu büyük gününde bayram yapacağım. Ben bir itirafta bulunayım size. Çünkü hiç utanmıyorum. İlk reglimde o zamana kadar bana bunu anlatmayan annem, benim yirmi dakika içinde üç çamaşır değiştirmem üzerine olayı anlayıp bana anlatmaya başlamıştı. Çocuğum olsun diye her ay şeyimden kan gelmeliymiş. Bak seeen, demek doğduğumdan beri iki sene bebek bezi, on yıl ara, ve buruşana kadar da her ay küçük bebek bezi takmam gerekiyordu. Ya sabır… Saatlerce ağladığımı ve bebek istemediğimi anlattım allaha. Acaba Tuğçe de kanamış mıydı? Hayır. Sonra ortaokulda anlattı bize sağlık ocağından gelen kadınlar, hormon dengesini sağlıyormuş ayrıca. O gün sınıftaki erkek arkadaşlarımız bize dağıtılan pedleri ordan oraya atarak top gibi oynamışlardı. Biz kızlar utançtan yine yerin dibinde tabi. Ah benim cahil anam, bana bunları yaşayacağımı hiç anlatmamıştı. Ha unutmadan, birkaç ay sonra babama gittiğimde ikinci reglimi olmuş, babama anlatamamıştım ilk olmadığını. Adamcağız korkup beni aldığı gibi jinekoloğun ellerine bırakmıştı. Eve gelince gelsin çikolatalar, gelsin kızışım sen büyüdün konuşmaları. Hiç utanmamıştım o an. Hala utanmam babamdan. Hiç kimseden.
Bunları niye anlatıyorsun diyenler olabilir. Çok sevdiğimiz muhteşemliğimize muhteşemlik katan sosyal medya platformu Instagram, geçenlerde bu yukarda paylaştığım fotoğrafı iki kere kaldırmış. Instagram biz kadınlardan çok utanmış, regl olmayı ve bunun doğal süreç oluşunu kaldıramamış ama fotoğrafı kaldırmış. İnsanlığın yarısı, hatta hayvanlar da regl olurken bazı insanlar bunu utanç meselesi haline getirmiş. Her ay kanayan kadınların poposunu memesini utanmadan paylaşan, onlara dokunup bir taraflarını büyüten, bundan muhteşem bir zevk alan bu insanlar memelerimizin hala diri kalmasının sebebi olan bu kanamayı utanç verici bulmaya devam ediyormuş. Aman ne büyük utanç..! Neyse, hala utanmayan on binden fazla insan bu fotoğrafı tekrar paylaşarak bu konuya dikkat çekmiş ve Instagram çalışanları hatalarını telafi etmek için mail atmışlar. Aman ne büyük fedakarlık..!
Bu da size bir güzellik. Biz bu şekilde kanıyoruz. Peri kızıyız ya çünkü. Yahu ben evlilikten korktum yıllarca, kocamın yüzüne nasıl bakarım dedim. Bana bunu yaşatmaya ne hakkınız vardı? Ben yıllarca okul tuvaletlerine giderken ceketimin içine sakladım pedimi, yolda giderken düşürürsem sonum olur zannettim. Ne suçum vardı benim? Ben hala markette ped alınca kasaya giderken elimdeki pede kanlı bıçakmış gibi bakan bıyıklı amcaların o iğrenç bakışlarından rahatsız oluyorum. Ve ben hala regl olmaya hasta olmak demeye anlam veremiyorum. Neden bana hala kendimi ucube gibi hissettirmeye çalışıyorsunuz?! Ben kadınım!! Ben sizin rüyalarınızı süsleyen, onsuz yaşayamadığınız, şiddet uygularken zevk aldığınız, ezdiğiniz, aşağıladığınız, ama yine de akşam olunca o yatakta muhtaç kaldığınız; hala bir yerlerde gururu kalan az kesime rağmen ayakta durup birlik halinde bir şeylere karşı çıkan kadınım. Ve kadın olduğum için utanmıyorum.
We keep it golden, it’s so bright. We’re drawing bold allegro lines–Glen Check (Paint it Gold)
Some stupid, pointless, Yoongi-fluff to alleviate the depressing atmosphere on this blog. Also: Sugamon as neighbors. Woot.
“Baek Yerin, I swear to god. Why do you have so much stuff?” you grit through your teeth as you carry another cardboard box packed full of Disney DVDs and VCRs. “Do you even watch any of these anymore?”
“Hey,” she shouts over her shoulders as she makes her way up the stairs in the apartment building, “I might want to watch them when I’m homesick.”
“That’s,” you grunt, hoisting the box up higher, “not good enough justification for making me carry all of your shit up three flights of stairs.”
“Oh stop being so grumpy,” she laughs a flight of stairs above you. “Focus on the positives, babe. Think about it, we’re finally moving into our own place!” she squeals and you can’t help but chuckle in agreement.
The two of you have been saving up for a place in Seoul since you were in high school, all the way back to schoolgirls in plaid skirts and big dreams hidden in legal pads. You scrimped by in college, subsisting off dehydrated cup noodles, working two jobs through the school year and three in the summer. And now that you’ve graduated, you finally have enough for a semi-decent apartment in Sinchon. Quarters are cramped, and not really much of an improvement over a college dorm room, but it’s more than you could’ve ever dreamed of. The great, romanticized step of independence, a sharp injection of adrenaline despite the universe’s forecast of entropy and confusion.
Can we not be the ones who hate on Ah Yeon for uploading selfies with Mark, Jr. and JB?
Can we not be the ones who hate on Sunmi for dancing closely with Yugyeom?
Can we not be the ones who hate on Jimin and Yerin for being admittedly close with and uploading pictures with Yugyeom, Jackson, Bam and Youngjae?
Can we not be the ones who hate on Ga Yeon because Jackson was interested in her during Roommate?
I’ve been seeing lots of hate lately from our fandom and I really don’t want to be stereotyped into “that” kind of fan. If GOT7 wants to have female friends, let them. If the boys want to dance and sing with female artists, let them. Let them be close to their JYP nation as friends or even more.
TBH if you hate GOT7 having friends can you even call yourself a fan?
can i request a one shot? yugyeom asks his hyungs for advice to confess to a girl (coughyerincough), and they all give horrible advice.
“Hyung,” Yugyeom muttered as he lightly tapped Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung turned around and smiled at the maknae. “Hyung, can I speak with you in the hallway?”
A bit curious, Jinyoung walked out of the practice room and closed the door behind him. “Is something wrong?”
“How do you confess to a girl?” Yugyeom uttered out as he squinted his eyes together.
His hyung was quite surprised at such a question. “Yugyeomie, this is so sudden..” Jinyoung replied, fanning himself in amazement. “Before I say anything, can I ask who it is?”
Yugyeom froze. “Um.. you know her—”
Maknae just looked at his hyung as his face began to turn red. Jinyoung laughed as he clapped his hands at getting it right on his first try. “How did you know?” Yugyeom asked as he buried his flustered face in his hands.
Jinyoung slung his arm around his tall companion. “Ah, I guess it’s just my motherly senses..” he chuckled. “Tell you what,” he began, “during dinner tonight, you can ask the other members how to confess because I’m sure their suggestions would be a lot better than mine.”
“Dinner’s ready~” Jinyoung shouted from the kitchen as he placed the plates on the table.
The six other members ran to the kitchen and were in ecstasy at heavenly smell. Jinyoung whipped them up ramyeon with curry and cheese, something the AmeriThaiKong group whipped up during a Real GOT7 recording.
“You know,” Mark said as he began to place the noodles in separate bowls for the other members, “we might have won with this dish during the competition, but Jinyoung-ah’s cooking is still the best.”
Jinyoung smiled at the comment as the members began to dig into the ramyeon. He side-eyed Yugyeom who was just mindlessly stirring his noodles in the bowl. “”So,” Jinyoung announced, “Yugyeom has something to ask everybody.
Yugyeom looked at Jinyoung with puppy eyes, practically begging that they not speak about this right now.
“What’s up, maknae?” Jaebum asked as he continued slurping his noodles. All eyes were now on their tall, young friend, who was about to pass out from so much nervousness.
“He needs advice on how to confess to a girl,” Jinyoung spoke out for him. Yugyeom let out a high-pitched as he slammed his head on the dining table.
“Awwwwww~” Mark, Jackson, and Youngjae cooed.
“My same-aged friend is growing up!” Bam Bam said pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.
“Who is it?” Mark asked, cheekily smiling at Yugyeom.
“It’s Yerin-ah, right?” Jackson chimed in.
Again, Yugyeom let out a loud high-pitched scream as his forehead was still pressed onto the table.
“It’s definitely her,” Jaebum snickered as he rubbed the maknae’s back. “Yah, it’s not that hard to confess to a girl.”
“What’s important,” Jinyoung interrupted, “is that you be yourself.”
The other five members glared at him at such a ‘stupid’ statement. Jinyoung sighed and waved them off as he walked towards the sink to clean the dishes.
Jackson snickered as he stood up to stand behind Yugyeom to give him a reassuring back rub. “It’s okay, maknae, let Mr.Wang show you the ways of love~” The others groaned (including Jinyoung who was a few meters away from them) at his cheesy comment.
“Before Jackson says anything else stupid,” Mark said, “let me give you something to think about.” He stood up and gave his clear dish to Jinyoung. “The perfect moment to confess is when the two of you are alone.”
“Yeah, it’s more romantic!” Youngjae added.
Mark leaned over. “Actually, it’s because it would be less embarrassing if she were to deny them.” Youngjae hit the back of Mark’s head.
“Nonsense!” Jackson argued. “The perfect moment is to do it when there’s a crowd of people around you. That way, she knows you’re not embarrassed by your feelings.”
“And you have to make it huge!” Jaebum added on. “Make sure you get a huge bouquet of roses, maybe some chocolates— Oh! Oh! And maybe make a banner for her too!”
“Better yet,” Bam Bam interrupted. “When we’re in the practice room with her and Jimin, play ‘I Like You’ in the background and then dance your way towards her!”
The other five present nodded at such a brilliant idea.
“Or if you want, we can sing it live for you!” Youngjae offered. “When it comes to my part, you can sit her down in the middle chair and you can sing instead of me.”
Yugyeom’s head was still flat on the dining table as he continued to nervously wiggle in his seat. He slowly lifted his head up and sighed. “Hyung,” he said towards Jaebum. “Do you think you can buy me some roses, tonight?”
With a smile, Jaebum nodded with enthusiasm.
“Mark hyung,” Yugyeom timidly said. “Can you please call the company to make sure we can get a practice room to ourselves for a few minutes?” Mark agreed as he excused himself to make the call. “Jackson hyung, Bam Bam hyung, Youngjae hyung, do you think you guys can make a banner?”
The trio screamed with excitement and high-fived each other as they scurried off to fetch some paper.
Yugyeom let out a sigh of relief as his hyungs ran off to do their duties to help him. Jinyoung wiped his hands with a towel and sat down next to him. “You know,” he said. “This is nice and all, but Yerin likes simple things. You could honestly just ask to treat her out to lunch and ask her then.”
“Hyung,” Yugyeom whispered. “I honestly still have no idea what to do. I just wanted to send the hyungs off because everything was overwhelming.”
“Well, maybe you should go with their plans so that their efforts won’t go to waste.” Again, Yugyeom let his head meet the dining table as a high-pitched scream came from his mouth. “Yugyeom-ah, just do what you want to do.”
The next day, the six members quietly waited in the practice room that Mark reserved especially for maknae. (The artists and trainees that were scheduled to practice there were offered to have GOT7 make their lunches.
Everything was going along with their plan: Mark got the practice room; Jaebum had the flowers; Bam Bam, Jackson, and Youngjae held the banner; and Jinyoung was getting ready the CD. All that was missing was Yugyeom with Yerin.
“If he doesn’t come through that door with Yerin in five minutes,” Jackson whispered.
Just then, Yugyeom came into the room. However, he wasn’t accompanied by Yerin.
Mark and Jinyoung ran over. “Where is she?” Jinyoung asked as Yugyeom went to the other side of the room to grab his jacket.
“Was she unable to come here?” Mark asked as Yugyeom turned around back towards the door.
Jaebum stepped in front of the door. “Yah! Where’s Yerin-ah?”
Yugyeom looked up at his hyung with a smile. “She’s gone out to lunch.”
The six hyungs groaned in disappointment. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Jaebum replied.
Yugyeom smiled. “There’s nothing to be worried about.” His hyungs glared at him as he faced Jinyoung and waved at him. “I asked her out to lunch and she agreed to it, just like Jinyoung hyung recommended.” Jaebum moved over as Yugyeom opened the door. “Now if you excuse me, I have a little date with a beautiful girl~”
As he closed the door behind him, five pairs of beady eyes were glued on Jinyoung. Jinyoung only replied with a grin and a chuckle as he slowly made his way for the door. “Told you he just needed to be himself!”
“Jinyoung-ah, you have five seconds to run out the door,” Mark threatened as the others began to close in on him.
Jinyoung ran out of the door. But before he left he screamed, “Yah! Mother knows best!!”
Title: Finale Pairing: Mark x You Chapter Fourteen: Stay II Summary: You and three of your friends are trainees at JYP. As all the trainees compete to debut, a certain trainee catches your eye. However, this brings a whole new situation to your trainee life.
you and youngjae are friends for a long time. both has feelings for each other but never admitted. when someone asked you out, he got jealous and finally took the courage to confess. happy ending please!! :-)
“Gosh,” you sighed as you rested your chin on your hand. “He looks so cute, even from this far away from the back.”
Youngjae, who was sitting next to you, looked up from his notebook and sighed as he saw who you were staring at. “I swear, sometimes this little crush of yours is creepy.”
“Hey,” you whined glaring at him. “It’s not a crush… I just… admire his features.”
“You’ve been admiring his features for two years now,” Youngjae rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you just talk to him already?”
Your eyes widened as you shook your head. Your face was burning red, and you could tell it was, because Youngjae began to poke your cheeks playfully. He always did that whenever you were blushing. “Stop it!” you whispered as you swatted his hand away. The people around you looked at the two of you as your professor kept lecturing.
“You’re lucky she can’t see or hear us,” Youngjae whispered at you with a chuckle as he continued to poke you. He finally gave up when you flicked his forehead. “Rude!” he pouted as he rubbed his forehead.
“You’re the rude one here!” you huffed. The two of you went back to taking down notes for the next fifteen minutes until your professor dismissed the class.
As you were packing up your things, Youngjae tapped you on your shoulder as he leaned into your ear. “Look who’s walking in your direction,” he snickered. You looked up and saw that Mark was heading your way. Nervously, you clung onto Youngjae’s shirt. “You’ll be fine,” he smiled. “Just talk to him like you normally do.”
Youngjae, as usual, went out of the lecture hall before you, probably walking towards the bench right outside where he usually waits for you. You ran your hands through your hair and pulled down your shirt before you turned around and saw Mark. You waved at him as he smiled at you.
“Hey,” Mark said as he ran up to you after the lecture. “Are you doing anything today?”
You slung your bag on your shoulder and shook your head. “Well, I’m heading over to Youngjae’s to study, but other than that I’m free.”
“Great!” he cheered. “Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?”
“Tonight?” you repeated as he nodded. “Who else is coming?” you asked.
He laughed. “Oh, no, it’s just the two of us.”
You felt your cheeks growing warm again. “Um…” you began. “How about I text you about it before, say, six o’clock?” The two of you walked out of the lecture hall with each other.
“Sounds good,” Mark smiled. “I’ll talk to you then!” he waved at you as he ran over to his other friends who were waiting for him. You waved back and heard someone snickering behind you.
Turning around, you saw Youngjae sitting on the bench right outside of the hall chuckling to himself. “You look like a tomato right now,” he joked as he stood up and walked to you.
You scrunched your nose at him. “Well, this tomato just got asked out on a date for tonight by Mr.Tuan.”
“Ooooh,” Youngjae grinned as he nudged you with his elbow. “Getting closer now, are we?”
“Oh, shut up!” you lightly punched him on his shoulder.
The two of you walk back to Youngjae’s house, as you two do every day on a daily basis. And as usual, you two talk about how boring the lecture was and complain how your professor isn’t that great at teaching. However, you noticed something was off with Youngjae. He seemed uneasy. You weren’t sure why though.
“Oh,I was talking to Yerin-ah yesterday,” he stated. You winced as you heard her name. It wasn’t that you hated her, in fact, she was a good friend of yours. It just bothered you because you knew she liked Youngjae. “She asked me to help her with her piano exam for her final.”
“Really?” you asked, pretending to be enthusiastic. “Why’d she ask you though? I mean, no offence, but you switched majors last semester. Wouldn’t it be better to ask Jinyoung since he’s a performance major?”
“That’s what I was thinking,” Youngjae said, “but she told me it was because she’s closer to me than she is to Jinyoung.”
“I’ll say,” you muttered under your breath as you rolled your eyes.
“What was that?” he asked.
“Nothing!” you coughed as you smiled at him. Youngjae looked at you with a confused look as he raised his eyebrow. “When are you helping her?”
He shrugged. “She said her final is next week on Wednesday, so probably next week before then.” You nodded as you tried to avert eye contact with him. He noticed you weren’t looking at him and waved his hands in front of your face. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Fine.” you responded. “Never better!”
“Really?” he asked, knowing you weren’t fine at all. “Are you… are you nervous with your date with Mark?”
“Um… I’m not exactly sure if I want to go out with Mark.”
“Oh, well that makes sense. We have two exams this week and we should really study for–”
“I didn’t mean just tonight,” you interrupted. “I meant, I don’t think I want to go out with Mark at all.”
Youngjae stopped in his tracks as he glared over at you. “Um… Am I talking to the right person? Did you say you didn’t want to go out with the person you call your Taiwanese prince?”
“Do you like me?” you blurted out to Youngjae. Your eyes were closed as you faced him directly. Youngjae stood there. Frozen. Unable to take in what you just said. “I said, do you like me, Choi Youngjae?” you repeated.”
“Well… do… do you like me?” Youngjae asked back to you.
“You’re not answering my question!” you said as your voice rose.
“You’re not answering me either!” he yelled back at you.
“I asked first!”
“I asked second!”
“Yah!” you threw your hands up in the air as you opened your eyes at Youngjae. He seemed just as heated up as you were right now. “It’s a simple question: yes or no!”
“Yes!” he firmly stated with a firm tone, still looking heated. “I do like you!” He sighed as he rolled his shoulders back. “I’ve always liked you! Why do you think I act like I do when you talk about Mark or talk to Mark?”
You calmed down as you realized what he said. Now that he mentioned it, he did act out of it whenever you talked about Mark. In fact, after he teases you about Mark, he always has that expression on his face. “I didn’t…”
“Well, if you didn’t notice, I do like you. I just know I never had a chance because all you keep talking about is Mark this and Mark that…”
“I know you’re sorry,” he sighed as he calmed down. “And I’m sorry for blowing up on you so suddenly. I know it was never your intention to make me feel bad whenever you talked about Mark…”
“Youngjae?” you asked as you tilted his chin up to face you. “Well, if you didn’t notice, I also get jealous of you.” His eyes grew wider as you said that statement. “If you couldn’t tell, I tense up every time you bring up Yerin.”
“Oh,” Youngjae coughed as he felt a bit awkward. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t like her.”
“Yeah, but she likes you. She even asked me for advice for you.”
“Did she really?” Youngjae asked in shock. “I’m… I’m flattered,” he giggled. He looked at you as you still had a serious expression on your face. “But like I said,” he coughed, “I don’t like her. I’ve always liked her.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked back with a laugh.
You covered your face with your hands. At that moment, you couldn’t help but laugh. Here the two of you were, best friends who’ve always liked each other yet could never tell each other. “We’re horrible,” you laughed as you uncovered your face.
He laughed along with you. “It’s true!” He pulled you over closer to him. “So… since you’re not going out with Mark tonight,” he smiled, “do you want to… go out with me for dinner?” he asked. “Oh… well… I kind of don’t have any money on me right now… so I’d just cook for you at my house… but you’re already going to my house… so–”
“Youngjae!” you laughed as he looked up at you. You pulled him in for a hug and laughed as you wrapped your arms around him. “Yes.”