Riverdale Photo Crackcap 109
Subtitled: Red Riding Hood Suggests a Sticky Maple to Douchie Bolton
Thanks, a lot MOM….Polly’s gonna do freaky things with red clad gingers and maple syrup and you’ve cock-blocked Juggie and me this episode, so I’m looking at a six WEEK plan and no way am I gonna last another 6 hours….Maybe next week I can give him a SUPER SPESHUL present for his 16th birthday (me, very naked)……day dreaming about what I’m gonna do is way better than this class….
Yep….still need to stretch my legs all over the place because of the colossal chubby I have for Betty, non-stop, 24/7. I hope my “birthday present” is her very naked, without any of our stupid freakin’ friends anywhere to be seen….but we aren’t really important to this Ginger Porno thing this week. Just RAS knows we’re actually more popular, so we get honorable mentions. At least I have snax…
Now those two jerks are even having daydreams about each other and not MEEEEEE!!! And I wore one of Mr. Rogers’s cardigans and everything….why aren’t I the entire central focus of their lives any more???
Candy Man, Candy Man, Candy Man…..should I wear an outfit with sleeves? I’ve heard they “keep you warm”. Is this true?
Don’t cry, V…not ALL cardigans are as hideous as Archie’s Mr. Rogers Collection ones. I have something really cute, in lacy pointelle you can borrow. Or they have these things call “coats and jackets”—like Juggie wears so the viewers can’t tell he’s built. Even though it fools no one.
Andd…..I’m gonna wear a locket, tooo!!! Or at least a pendant!!
Yes, Kevin, I have discovered pendants and sleeves. Yes, Kevin, I am still your fabulous BFF hag…
See Ethel? I can so to wear sleeves….and a pendant!
And I can dress like a dweeb from 1977….and have my own file on what shady rubbish your dad is. Don’t know why you all are judging Jughead, your dad’s a way bigger criminal. Do you wanna see?
Twincest time!!! Come join our
cult family at our “little festival” Gingervitus!! Also, I see your dad is really into low tech, huh? A corded, rotary landline??? Is he some weird, plaid wearing Amish????
Bet on it!!! Head in the Game!!! Clowns Never Laughed Before!!! My Johnny Bravo School Musical Snooze Plot returns!!!
Ummmm……..neither Betty nor myself seem to be in the episode much, but they know we’re actually way more popular/show’s break out couple…so I’m here. To frown (because no Betty and you guys are keeping me from jacking off while thinking about Betty) and judge your creepy, red garbed, sticky maple, ginger cult. And also, this new guitar means I have to listen to Douchie here caterwaul again.
Plus I kinda suspect SouthPark was onto something about you weird assed copper tops.
Oh DW Douchie, you’ll LOVE it!! And fit right in! You ARE “one of us” after all! You even wore RED!!!
Okay, this is weird….Polly, Betty misses you….also, you aren’t ginger? Oh….if you’re gonna spawn one it counts, too?
All I wanted was a place to live and my baby….now I’m standing in fucking snow with all these freaks and they want me to do WHAT with this bucket? And my prego belly makes extra $$$ from the syndicate? How do I escape this bullshit? I actually want my mom to lecture me again!
Ummmm…..is this always this creepy? And why do we need to get naked and sacrifice a lamb? And why do you look like a pornographic Little Red Riding Hood? Wait….do WHAT with the bucket of syrup?
Hail Satan and Tally Hoooooo!!! Go Sticky Maple!!!