Well that turned out better then expected ( though still holding my breath)
Turns out (And this is really awkward) When I was in the waiting room a man and women (couple) walked in , cue awkwardness we are the only three in the waiting room and the thing is I went to primary school with the guy (who was there to support his gf) the psychiatrist went up to them and said my name ( but also not my name … they cant pronounce my name and so each time they said my name throughout the session it changed by the end of it i was like yep i shall just take up this new identity ) but they took the girl through with the guy and then 5 mins later they all came out and were like oh we got the wrong person.
So I got the psychiatrist i was meant to say. By the sounds of it my file is a mess with lies about what happened at the event where they tried to form me. What it resulted in was her going so it says in your file that you went to X hospital as you were distressed and that lead to me going uh not really , i was upset and reacting to meds but it wasnt till i was put under the form i became distressed.
She was a little unsure on why she was seeing me , they have put on my file the R word , I keep telling people it is not that , they say it is. Its not. They said I should apply for ACC therapy , I am too afraid to , it makes it attached to me, ACC is for unwanted sexual acts ( This can be anything from exposure , assault , abuse to R) I’m afraid of doing that and having it with my name , I’m afraid because what happens if what FZ says is right , what happens if i did want it , thats what non professional people keep telling me. I feel it is more grey. I didn’t want it and tried to stop it but its still my fault. I cant have my mum find out. And what happens if i did want it like he says God will be angry at me how will he ever forgive me.
I said that i went in for panic attacks and ended up on anti depressants and I’m not depressed she goes no your not depressed this is PTSD ( Like wtf , i know its that but why is everyone so bent on treating my supposed depression).
Its good as she was a psychiatrist from canada so the meds i had been on in aussie they had there and she knew them where the doctor and other psychiatrists have been telling me that there is not a med by that name (Despite me telling them it is a med which you cant get in NZ) She has prescribed me Mirtazapine 7.5mg with a possible increase to 15mg and then Propranolol Hydrochloride 10mg when needed ( This is for moment when I expect a panic attack to occur eg. before church)
They suggested I do EMDR and asked if i knew what that was I’m like yep ( i know uni ) They asked what the psychotherapist i saw is trained in ( I didnt look at all like a stalker saying her training qualifications.. I have a very photographic memory so like i read it once and remember it) They suggested I contact student services and get some help with uni just for more flexible assignments and stuff. I am hesitant but it is getting this way , H would be disappointed in me when i do this.
The nurse lady there talked to me in the waiting room , she said you look terrified , you need to do something to protect yourself and take yourself out of the victim role , the fact he continues to come to church its constantly re-traumatazing you. You need to try and find other accommodation , being in the room it happened is a further way your not protecting yourself. You aren’t big ,you live by yourself and you are isolating yourself. She suggested self-defence classes.
Note: I’m so sorry that this took so long. I’ve been going through a lot and I’m going to start writing again. Because in a WEEK it’ll be a whole year of OmahaSquad-Queen. I’m so excited for r and I have some special stuff planned.
I was laying on my bed, scrolling through Instagram when I came across a picture of Hayes.
It was him with his arm thrown around some girls shoulder while half her body is pressed against him. I roll my eyes at the unnecessary sight in front of me. The caption was “this girl is my favorite😍❤”
Me and Hayes broke up about a few weeks ago. I broke up with him because he wasn’t acting right. He never texted me first and when I finally texted him he only answered half the time. He quit stopping by my apartment after he ran his errands. He didn’t invite me over anymore. If I didn’t ask him if he wanted to do something with me for a date, he wouldn’t have even contacted me.
I confronted him and he just said there was absolutely nothing wrong. So I let it go, but after about a week I couldn’t take anymore. I told him I couldn’t handle him and this new attitude and he just kinda shrugged it off.
So now he’s out, doing Hayes Grier things and posting pictures with girls 24/7. I can’t stand when he tries to make me jealous.
I decide to screen shot a few of the pictures from his Instagram.
I go to my messages and text him.
Y/n: really Hayes?
Y:quit being childish, i just want to have a calm mature conversation.
H:fine what do you want?
Y: quit playing games with my feelings
H:I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you sound crazy. We’ve been broken up for almost a month… let me go.
Y: are you really getting an attitude with me?? And you’re just gonna deny everything?? How typical. I’m just saying this whole posting pics of you and hot girls so that you seem happy cause you’re single is killing me. I know you’re not actually happy Hayes. I know you. And in that interview you did about Top Grier… “sometimes people slip through your fingers and you realize you need them like you need air. So its crucial that you keep what you love close. Girlfriends weren’t meant to be neglected” what the fuck. How am I not supposed to feel some type of way???
H: what your point?
Y:my point, is that you can’t just act like you want to spend all your time with me and you want to do nothing but cherish me and hold me and love me. You can’t do that because just a month ago you couldn’t even send a text or even answer one. So my point is, in order to clear everything up, I need you to tell me what you want. From me, from us, from our relationship, what do you want?
H: I want you back. I want us back. I was an asshole and I’m sorry. I was stressed and didn’t know how to cope. It’s just, Nash and Taylor are so perfect and it was pissing me off, I felt like I couldn’t be as good a boyfriend as Nash was and I felt like shit. I’m really sorry princess… will you come over?
Y:yea, I’ll come over. I love you Benjamin.
H:I don’t know him…
I laughed and grabbed the duffel bag I always use when I go over to Hayes’s house. I pack and head over to his house.
Once I get there I knock on the door nervous. What if he acts the same way he used to? What if he breaks my heart again?
My thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open and there stand Hayes. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and some slides, his hair was a mess and his eyes looked dull.
When he realized it was me, his eyes lit up to the blue I’ve always known. I immediately run into his arms and hug him as tight as possible. It’s feels great because his bare skin is warm and soft.
“I’ve missed you so much” I cry into his chest.
“I know baby. And I’m never very leaving again. Ever” he kisses my head as we sway back and forth before he picks up and carries me to his room.
We lay down and talk about how much we missed eachother and how much we love eachother.
“Hayes? Promise me you’ll never act like that again. Please don’t push me away.” I say falling into his ocean eyes.
I changed some minor things around to add to the story, but I hope you like it! :)
“What does it feel like?” Liam asked you.
“It’s different- I feel stronger.” you answered. “More
capable of taking you down.” You turned
to face your boyfriend and laughed, nudging him.
“Oh yeah?” Liam
challenged you playfully, raising an eyebrow and leaning closer to you, forcing
you backwards into the headboard of his bed. “We’ll see about that-“
You cut Liam off by rolling on top of him forcefully, so
he took your place. “Yep, I can definitely take you.” You bit your lip, letting
out a laugh.
You had recently been turned into a werewolf by an Alpha
that had literally just vanished- no one knew who he was or where he was. All
you knew was vaguely what he looked like. Scott had taken you in and wanted to
teach you as one of his own, along with your boyfriend, Liam Dunbar.
Liam’s smile was vibrant as he stared into your eyes,
lifting himself up enough to reach your lips, kissing you gently.
Pulling away, you noticed Liam’s smile weakening. “Y/n,
please whatever you do” he began. “Don’t let the bite change you.”
You cocked your head to the side in confusion. “But it
already has.” you stated.
“No, I mean like- don’t let it change who you are, baby.”
Liam lifted his hand to your cheek. “I love you and I will no matter what, but
don’t let being a werewolf change what you’re like as a person.”
“I won’t, Liam. Do you actually think I would?” you asked
Liam’s eyes closed and he furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m just
scared,” he said.
“Scared of what?”
“You’re already way better than me, you’re way out of my league-
I don’t even know why you like me. I’m just scared that now that you have… this… you’ll finally see how amazing you
are and find someone better.” Liam sighed. “I’m scared you’ll finally realize
what a loser I am compared to you.”
You stared Liam in the eyes silently for a few moments
before inhaling deeply and kissing him passionately. You moved your lips with
his, moulding them together.
Liam’s cheek was noticeably wet and you pulled away. There
were tears on his face, creeping out from the inner corners of his eyes.
“Liam… I would never leave you for someone else… someone better, or whatever.” you squeezed his
hand. “There is no one better. I know
who you are Liam, and you’re perfect.”
You cut Liam off. “No, listen. You’re perfect for me.” you lay on his chest feeling his
hand in your hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Even though you weren’t looking at his face, you could
tell the smile had returned to his lips. “I love you, y/n.”
Just as you opened your mouth to tell Liam you loved him
too, his phone lit up with a text message from Stiles.
Liam extended his arm to check the text.
“What is it?” you held yourself up from your elbow.
A serious look covered his face. “There’s someone hurt at
“It’s nighttime…” you said.
“Yeah, but Lydia told Stiles that she thinks something’s
happened.” Liam looked at you. You knew he was going to go help out, and now
that you were a new addition to the pack, even though Scott wasn’t the Alpha
that bit you, you wanted to help as much as possible.
You followed Liam out the
door and made your way to the school, eager to assist your new pack.
When you reached the school, Liam held your hand as you
quietly walked through the dark and empty halls, awaiting Scott’s arrival.
Suddenly you noticed a whimper, and an overwhelming smell
“Liam-“ you looked at your fellow beta.
“I know, babe. Let’s follow it.” He guided you in the
direction the scent emerged from.
You eventually reached the library, spotting a girl in
your grade, Stacy, holding her knees to her chest in fear. The stench of blood
strengthened with every step closer to her.
Stacy was a rather outgoing personality in your grade, not
exactly studious, but not dumb either. She did, however, definitely have a
crush on Liam. That much was obvious every time he walked into the same room as
her and she lit up. This assumption had been confirmed just as you walked into
the library with Liam, her already racing heart sped up even more at the sight
“Stacy- what happened?” you rushed to her aid, noticing a
large cut down her leg.
Stacy shook with fear, her eyes glued behind Liam and me.
Our eyes traced the vector to the subject of Stacy’s stare, and there it was.
A large and red-eyed werewolf standing tall, with claws
ready for attack. You recognized the figure… the tall, built and black haired
boy… he was the Alpha that bit you. You also recognized him as someone in
Scott’s grade… His name was Aaron.
“Liam-“ you began. “That’s him…”
Without further explanation, Liam understood who he was
and his eyes immediately glowed their golden colour. He opened his fanged mouth
and let out a roar before launching at the Alpha.
“Liam, no!” you
called after your fellow beta, before blocking him from getting hurt by the
Alpha. You hadn’t even noticed that your eyes had now mirrored Liam’s and your
claws and fangs had appeared.
Standing between the alpha and Liam, you launched at the
monster and began thrashing your claws, in hopes that somehow your little training
and anger as a beta would somehow miraculously defeat him.
The Alpha avoided your clumsy thrashes and knocked you
down so you were at its ankles. In a sudden burst of energy, you clawed at its
ankles, stunting it in its pursuit to pick you up and throw you.
It fell to its knees as you attempted to lift yourself
from the ground. The Alpha raised its arm and slashed your stomach. You stopped
in your tracks, looking down slowly at the wound, watching blood seep out.
Liam yelled out at you. “Y/n!”
You stumbled to your knees and the Alpha returned to his
stance. In one swift movement of his arm, he pushed you all the way to the
other end of the library, sliding into a bookcase, smacking your head on it.
Liam started running to you as the Alpha attacked him.
Liam’s moves were skilled and more coordinated than your own, however the Alpha
was still stronger than Liam.
You tried to yell out to him to run, but you hadn’t
realized how weak you were.
You looked down at your slashed stomach. The wound had progressively
“L-Liam-“ you let out in a whisper. Liam looked up at you,
his face pale. He didn’t respond to you and instead ran to Stacy’s aid, leaving
you lying on the floor, bleeding out.
Your eyes were closing slowly, trying to stay awake. The
last burst of energy you had went into keeping your eyes open for a few more
seconds. You saw Liam with Stacy, helping her up- and then the roar of a
different alpha echoed through the large room. You spotted Scott with glowing
red eyes attacking the other alpha- and then it all went black.
Opening your eyes to find yourself in the animal clinic,
you scanned the room with weak and tired eyes, spotting Scott and Stiles.
“Hey, y/n!” Stiles got excited, alerting Scott of your
woken state. “How do you feel?” Stiles took hold of your hand and Scott came to
You continued to scan the room, hoping Liam was there. He
wasn’t. “I’m-“ You looked down where your stomach had been slashed- there was
nothing. A light scar if anything. “Fine?” you completed, shocked at your
“You’re still healing. Don’t worry, that mark will be gone
soon.” Scott assured you. “You were pretty badly hurt though…” he looked down.
“Where’s Liam?” you asked.
Scott looked to Stiles to answer.
“Uh-“ Stiles began. “Liam’s at school, actually. He was
here yesterday, but he was with Stacy the night it happened.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“Um, how long has it even been since
“Two days.” Scott answered.
“And Stacy’s ok?” you asked.
“Liam took her to the hospital. She’s fine now. The cut
was big, but not deep.” Stiles explained.
You sat up rapidly. “I’m going to school.”
“Y/n- wait!” Scott said as you picked up your shirt,
pulling it on while exiting the room.
You walked into the Chemistry Lab and walked towards your
usual seat next to Liam… Which Stacy now occupied.
Wanting to hear what they were talking about, you exited
the room again and waited next to the door, listening.
“You were so brave, Liam. Seriously- it’s nice to know I
have you to save me.” she laughed flirtatiously.
“Thanks. I’m glad you’re ok.” Liam simply answered. “What
were you even doing in the library that late?”
“I was supposed to meet with Aaron to… Well, we were gonna
meet up.” she stated, obviously insinuating that they were going to fuck around
in the library. “But when he came, we started making out and then he scratched
me really hard… It’s just lucky for me that someone even better came along.”
You rolled your eyes at her pathetic attempts to flirt
with your boyfriend. You didn’t want Liam to know you were there so you turned
to walk away and leave the building, but someone stopped you.
“Y/n.” Theo Raeken approached you in the hall. “Why are
you here! You need to rest!” he said.
“Theo, really, I’m fine.” you tried to whisper, but you
knew that Liam would have definitely heard you.
“No, seriously, come with me.” Theo took your hand into
his and glanced into your eyes, walking with you to the library, only to hear
Liam approach you from behind.
“Y/n!” Liam grabbed your hand and pulled you back towards
him, kissing you.
You simply stared at him blankly.
“How are you feeling!” he asked.
“I’m great, thanks.” You said sarcastically.
Liam raised an eyebrow and the corner of Theo’s mouth
curled into a smirk. “What?” he asked again.
it’s nice to know I have you to save me.” you mimicked the words Stacy spoke to
Liam only moments ago.
Theo laughed, making it obvious that he, too, was
listening to Liam and Stacy talking.
“I-“ Liam paused. “Y/n, I’m so sorry, ok? I thought you
would heal fast, I went to protect Stacy because she’s human! I knew it was easier
for her to get hurt than you!” he explained. “I didn’t know how bad you were!”
“So then how come you took Stacy to the hospital instead
of coming with me to the animal clinic? You knew
I was really hurt by then, right?” you raised an eyebrow, proving him wrong.
Liam opened his mouth, not knowing what to say… Then Stacy
“Everything ok?” she asked.
You glared at the girl, noticing Theo gripping your hand
“Swell. It’s just lucky for you that someone even better than Aaron came along to save you.”
you quoted her yet again from her previous conversation with Liam.
Stacy’s mouth fell open as she tried to pull Liam away
with her, he yanked himself out of her grip and called after you, noticing you
and Theo were walking out of the school.
You and Theo both stopped at the bus bay, hiding between
two buses. “Theo, you don’t need to take care of me-“ you began.
“Y/n, no. You’re apart of Scott’s pack, and I want to help
you as much as I can. You’re only new after all.” He laughed, still holding
your hand. “What the hell just happened with Liam? Isn’t your boyfriend
supposed to be taking care of you?” he asked.
You looked down at your feet. “He literally saw me almost
passed out on the ground and he ran to help Stacy.” you reflected on the events
of the other night.
“What?” Theo looked shocked and annoyed, moving to stand
closer to you, leaning his hand on the bus next to your head. Theo furrowed his
eyebrows. “Well that’s bullshit. You deserve better.” He looked into your eyes,
tilting your head slightly to face him, lingering his fingers on your chin.
“Someone who’s willing to help you no matter what…” Theo suddenly began to move
into your face, his lips hovering over yours.
His breath was warm against your lips and you were
suddenly not sure what to do. You were so mad at Liam and obviously he didn’t
care about you as much as you thought he did if he went to save Stacy instead
of you… even after he knew you were hurt, he still went with her to the
Strangely enough, you really wanted to kiss Theo, but you
knew it wasn’t right. “Theo-“ you began.
“Just wait… You’ll see.” he cut you off. He leaned in and
brushed his lips against yours, softly lingering them there for a few moments.
You closed your eyes and felt a surge of electricity
through your body. This was a new feeling. Theo was kissing you, and you knew
you liked it, but it wasn’t the same… It wasn’t Liam…
Theo pulled away and stared into your eyes. “I’m sorry… We
don’t have to do that again, I just really needed to.”
“It’s ok.” You replied. You smiled softly. “Thanks for
taking me out of there though.”
“Are you serious?”
Liam’s voice emerged from the end of the bus.
Your face dropped. “Liam-“ you began.
Liam looked defeated, not angry. A look that read “I
deserved that.” He turned and ran away.
called after him.
You turned to Theo. “It’s fine- go talk to him.” he
You smiled back and ran after Liam. You knew where he was
I finally tested this digital watercolor technique I’ve wanted to try for so long, and I must say, it’s pretty fun, and I’m quite happy with the result, even if of course I need more practice! I’ll certainly push more in this technique =) It took me longer than I thought, but yep, for now, happy.