Damn, you know
after all these years
after all this time,
this mass of happenings
clinging to my chest,
my shoulders, my God,
you know, I still think of you.
It kills me inside. I never even
got a chance with you. I never
got the opportunity to be finished
with your stupid laughter or your
horrible jokes, your irritating smile
and your interest in everybody else,
dammit you weren`t even interested
in them that way, you just weren`t ready,
you know? And now, so many years later,
I still think of you. You got ready only
years after me. Then you grew, you woke
up, understood that you wanted to live your
life with someone. And then you found her.
Not that I have anything to say. I am actually
really happy. I wouldn`t change my life now
for anything - I can`t. But if I would, I still couldn`t
do it. I praise the skies for my happiness. I am happy.
Every day he reminds me of why I am happy,
and I am really, really lucky.
But you were the first I put my eyes on. The first my
arrogance fighted against. The first one I really wanted,
for real. To be a part of. To be called his. I wanted to do
everything for you. I looked at you every day in class.
I listened to your music. I loved you. I really loved you.
And now, I cannot love you anymore.
Now you`re married, too.
For the first time, I sincerely listened inside,
and wished you and her a great life together.
I hope you make each other happy.
I really hope you don`t do the same stupid mistakes as I`ve done,
I hope you help each other to be happy, to stay positive, to live your
lifes together, and I really hope, even though this is a hard one,
that you love each other so much that you`ll stay together.
My sorrow to carry