years and years longer

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the part with the master sword in botw is a nice marriage of story and game mechanics and everything but I have a very specific interpretation of the scene

the harry potter books rated by Harry's Sass™
  • the sorcerer's stone: dudley asking harry if he wants to practice sticking his head down the toilet and harry replying "no thanks, the poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick" like ooo!!! sick burn!!! good for an 11 year old but overall still in the developmental stage. 6/10
  • the chamber of secrets: dudley (once again lmao get rekt) telling harry "i know what day it is" and harry replying "well done, so you've finally learned the days of the week." lockhart trying to be all Amazing Teacher™ and shit and telling harry "just do what i did, harry!" and harry saying "what, drop my wand?" overall good but not with as much of an Oomph™ factor as the sorcerer's stone. 5/10
  • the prisoner of azkaban: ah yes!!! Harry's Sass™ in its adolescent years!!!! no longer a toddler, now solidly about 11 years old. draco making fun of harry for fainting at the quidditch game bc of the dementors and saying "shame [the broom] doesn't come with a parachute - in case you get too near a dementor." and harry replying "pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, malfoy. then it could catch the snitch for you." 8/10 purely because he fucking MURDERED whiny bitch ass baby malfoy ha ha take that
  • the goblet of fire: a good amount of sass!! a healthy amount of sass! perhaps a bit held back though (come on harry get it together). rita skeeter annoying harry and asking for a word and jk rowling LITERALLY writing "'yeah, you can have a word,' said harry savagely. 'good-bye'" like FUCK he is canon savage in this book!!!! DAMN!!!!! and then he reks malfoy AGAIN "you know that expression [your mother's got], like she's got dung under her nose? has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?" MOTHERFUCK GO OFF 9/10
  • the order of the phoenix: HOLY GRAIL OF HARRY'S SASS™. THE MOTHERLOAD. GOD DAMN. when vernon asks him why he's listening to the news again and harry replies w/ "well, it changes every day, you see." when hermione's warning him about picking fights w/ malfoy bc malfoy will make life hard for him and harry's like "wow, i wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life" like fuck harry!!! tell us how u really feel!!!! literally ANY TIME he talks to an adult he doesn't like. sassing dudley left & right, putting him in his place w/ "this is night, diddykins. that's what we call it when it goes all dark like this" like fuck harry brought out the big guns w/ "diddykins". overall wonderful, truly. a good healthy teenage dose of sass. 100/10
  • the half blood prince: SHIT DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT "THERE'S NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR" LIKE FUCK. BEST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK. OF THE WHOLE SERIES. FUCKING OWNED SNAPE HE'S FUCKIN REKT LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING DRINKING SOME CHEAP ASS DISGUSTING ASS FIREWHISKEY. BREAKS THE GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCALE SO FAR OFF THE SCALE IT'S ON MARS. INFINITY/10. FUCK.
  • the deathly hallows: "it's time you learned some respect!" "it's time you earned it" sassing the minister of magic hooooooo boy. not much else bc harry's too busy like saving the world and shit. so extra points for multitasking and being an overall well rounded sass-er. 8/10

New and emerging cryptid: people who have watched all of Critical Role.

I knew that look dear
Eyes always seeking
Was there in someone
That dug long ago
So I will not ask you
Why you were creeping
In some sad way I already know

So I will not ask you where you came from 

I would not ask, and neither would you

Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips 

We should just kiss like real people do~

Hozier’s Like Real People Do played through my head the whole time I read this scene 

This is it. this is the scene that wrecked me. I haven’t even finished reading this fic…. 


Bonus: 

One of the main reasons why I rarely ever cross paths with people from the past again is because I’m constantly evolving, my mind never remains in the same state year after year, so our common interests are no longer the same. Therefore, unless you’ve grown too, the chances of us being in the same place is very small.

- Meggan Roxanne
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Rogue One Valentines

(with suggestions from @leechbrain and @foreign-eggplant)

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

Keep reading

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As the old Gravity Falls legend goes…

 whether you’re naughty OR nice, a jolly little triangle will break into your house and eat all your food (and leave you spiders and nightmares if you’re lucky)