year of the pimp

Ok Ken (and David). As much as I hate to make you guys famous or even respond to you directly. We all die one day and you're old so fuck it. Yea yea my 2013 performance at the Grammys was absolute shit. Technical difficulties, blah blah. Thanks for the reminder. Very much appreciated. Fuck that performance though. You think that's why I kept my work out of the Grammy process this year? Don't you think I would've wanted to play the show to 'redeem' myself if I felt that way? In reality, I actually wanted to participate in honoring Prince on the show but then I figured my best tribute to that man's legacy would be to continue to be myself out here and to be successful. Winning a TV award doesn't christen me successful. It took me some time to learn that. I bought all my masters back last year in the prime of my career, that's successful. Blonde sold a million plus without a label, that's successful. I am young, black, gifted and independent.. that's my tribute. I've actually been tuning into CBS around this time of year for a while to see who gets the top honor and you know what's really not 'great TV' guys? 1989 getting album of the year over To Pimp A Butterfly. Hands down one of the most 'faulty' TV moments I've seen. Believe the people. Believe the ones who'd rather watch select performances from your program on YouTube the day after because your show puts them to sleep. Use the old gramophone to actually listen bro, I'm one of the best alive. And if you're up for a discussion about the cultural bias and general nerve damage the show you produce suffers from then I'm all for it. Have a good night.
Neo Yokio Quote Starters

Change pronouns accordingly

  • “What up city be-OTCH? Haven’t seen you in a long time.”
  • “What are you doing after school? Come to my apartment and we can get high and have a fashion show.” 
  • “I CAN SEE YOU BITCH, YOU’RE WEARIN A BLACK TUXEDO AGAINST A MIDNIGHT SKY”
  • “I love being in public when my hair’s…WET. I feel like a gucci model.”
  • “You know what? you don’t deserve this big toblerone.” 
  • “I gotta go. Snacks are ready.”
  • “Her withdraw from society fills me with unease.”
  • “My world has become cold iron”
  • “I’m done searching for meaning in the aesthetic cycles of commodities.” 
  • “Couldn’t even find the body. He’s probably being dragged around the Atlantic in a tuna net, like a dolphin!”
  • Water. Ain’t. Weak. Yo”
  • “Sorry to disappoint you sales clerk. But the universe is dictated by forces far greater than field hockey.” 
  • “I don’t know what it is about a well decorated apartment. But it makes me wanna smoke.”
  • “Today’s special is squid ink fettuccine”
  • “Well, that IS the most melancholy pasta.”
  • “Dude that was creepy as fuck son.”
  • “Oh that is BULLSHIT. I’ve been waiting to get the house for YEARS. I’m gonna pimp it out it’s gonna be sooo flyyy”
  • “Hahah- My Style- is NOT conservative.” 
  • “Girl you are wearing khaki’s RIGHT now.”
  • “I could look for CLUES in his apartment.”
  • “The ONLY worthwhile thing about you… Is your taste in luxury chocolate.”
  • “I had a dream a toblerone was in trouble….and that toblerone was YOU”
  • “Do you have a PROBLEM with those swim trunks?”
  • “A run in with my ex and my uncles funeral on the same DAY? Good lord I need a drink.” 
  • “Fuck that and FUCK my dad.” 
  • “You think you’re so much better than me because you fight demons??”
  • “I LOVE water, without water there’d be no nautical fashion.” 
  • “YEAH. That’s your problem, you don’t know how to treat ANYONE well.”
  • “Well that’s enough vaping for me. I’ll see you around.” 
  • “Communism forever!”

Today’s Third Years : Asian Beauty

With introduction by Kazuma

Kazuma: Good job today!  Today’s third years… starts now.  
Kentarou: Hello!  
Justin: I’m so embarrassed… so embarrassed.
Kentarou: Stop it! Just leave it to me, okay!  (suddenly deeper voice) Today’s Third Years have begun.  We’re going to go one by one and introduce ourselves.  My name is Akisawa Kentarou HA HA HA HA!  Come on you two, come over here!  
Justin:  Ah, wait!  
Kentarou: Come on!  
Justin: I’m Tomimori Jus-ko~
Kentarou: HA HA HA HA HA!  Come on, you too!  
Hiroki: I’m Ino Hiroko.  
Kentarou: HA HA HA… I have a pretty girl on each arm!  

Translation by @nimbus-cloud

*-ko is a standard ending for a girl’s name, so many times when you want to turn a guy’s name into its feminine equivalent, they drop the last syllable and turn it into ko.  Hence Jus-ko and Hiroko.  

alright listen you can disagree with 1989 winning album of the year and you can talk about how you think pimp a butterfly should have won. you can debate about the musical aspects of both albums, and how you think one or the other was better etc. but for you to claim that the only reason taylor swift won that grammy for album of the year is because she’s white is ridiculous and demeaning. she has worked her ass off for 10+ years and is an extremely accomplished musician whether or not you like her, and she won that grammy because she made a kick ass album that broke several global records. idgaf if you don’t like taylor swift or if you don’t like her music but you can’t honestly deny that she is accomplished and talented and say that her fame and success are only attributed to her race. 

Why Moonlight Deserves Best Picture Over La La Land

After getting a recent message from Tumblr user @fewger and reading a bunch of Oscar-related articles, I have discovered that I hold the semi-unpopular opinion that Moonlight deserves Best Picture over La La Land.  So, I feel obligated to go to bat on this, so let’s have a chat, y’all.

The debate between La La Land and Moonlight brings me back a year to last year’s Grammy Awards, where the Album of the Year award was given to Taylor Swift’s 1989 over Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly, a move that shocked many.  One hand, you had a collection of pretty well made pop tunes that can make even the most Swift-cynical person, like myself, tap their toes.  1989 was a fun album with a lot of celebrity gossip theories and some admittedly great songs.  On the other hand, there was the magnum opus that is To Pimp a Butterfly, which blended together modern and older styles and used some daring techniques to paint a poetic, detailed picture of growing up in places like Compton while struggling with race, mental illness, and self-identity.  In this album, Lamar provided a glimpse into a lifestyle that many of us will never ever experience or truly understand and was unafraid of showing the ambiguous morality of this life.

My, this is all starting to sound a little familiar, hm?

The thing is, it’s true that La La Land is a feat of filmmaking. Honestly, just getting the green light, producers, and the big budget it had was a huge task in and of itself.  As it is, the musical numbers are impeccably executed, from cinematography to choreography to music and lyrics, and it’s damn charming to boot.  I genuinely love and enjoy this film, and God knows I don’t like to knock Chazelle, whose previous feature, Whiplash, was an intensely personal experience for me.  However, what La La Land accomplishes, it does with a pretty decent budget, whereas Moonlight accomplishes more with next to nothing. Hell, even the musical moments of Moonlight have as much, if not more, impact than many in La La Land, from the “Every N—– is a Star” opening (just another element it shares with Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly) to the heart-wrenching impact of “Hello Stranger” to the haunting moments created by the chopped-and-screwed score.

Now, let’s hit the two biggest, most noticeable (even to an untrained eye) elements of filmmaking: performances and story.  Moonlight shines brighter in both.

In La La Land, Gosling and Stone have both achieved quite a bit.  They’ve learned to dance in all sorts of styles, sing, and even, for Gosling, learned piano from scratch.  These aren’t easy tasks, I’ll grant you, but when you look at the actual acting performance that marries these elements to the characters, it’s just not very exciting stuff.  Gosling and Stone have great onscreen chemistry, but these characters aren’t a departure for them.  Stone is basically playing a slightly different version of herself, while Gosling is just great at being Gosling.  (And this is in no way me throwing shade at Ryan Gosling; the man is a damn delightful actor with incredible comic timing.  I genuinely love his work.)  So, there’s not a real acting challenge here, just a bunch of side challenges.  However, this is the kind of performance for which the Academy goes crazy, where transformation is achieved through a means that is not really acting.

Meanwhile, Moonlight is built on a foundation of superb, nuanced performances from a cast of smaller parts.  There are beautiful character interpretations from Ali, Monaé, Harris, Holland, and the three Chirons (Hibbert, Sanders, and Rhodes).  These actors are directed superbly by Jenkins, so much so that none of the actors playing Chiron ever met before or during filming to discuss the character, but still play him with an uncanny similarity. It’s ingenious directing, and the actors’ work is transformative, moving, and worthy of reward.  However, most of them, except Ali, will go without.

Now, we come to story, which we all know if the most crucial element of a movie.  Without a good story, it’s not going anywhere.  And it’s definitely where Moonlight proves its importance over La La Land.

La La Land is about a couple of privileged dreamers in Los Angeles who sacrifice relationships for their goals. Let’s be honest, guys: this isn’t at all original.  I can think of many films, shows, songs, other musicals, even musicals within other musicals, etc. etc. with a pretty dang similar, if not identical, concept behind them.  And yeah, we’re all dreamers, and yeah, we can all find something relatable in the wonderful feeling this film conveys of wanting to fulfill your dreams.  However, the self-centered, self-praising nature of this film makes it an easy choice for Hollywood people, whose egos demand to be stroked and whose backs need to be patted.  Meanwhile, Moonlight brings a cinematic voice to a kind of person we rarely see onscreen.  We watch him grow, learn, lash out, hide himself away, and, finally, accept and, in doing so, love.  It’s a gorgeous tale that resonates deeply with anyone who’s struggled with who they are, and Chiron is a vulnerable character within many of us can find something of ourselves.

Someone once said that all cinema is, at its core, about identity.  Moonlight has a way of opening the audiences’ hearts and touching them where they’re most vulnerable.  Its story is strikingly universal.  On the flipside, La La Land, while perfectly executed, resonates with a very specific group of people.  Moonlight is original, singular, impossible to categorize.

La La Land is for some; Moonlight is for all.

That’s why Moonlight should win Best Picture.

Square is whoring out Noctis faster than a pimp gives out a 18 year old.
Imagine Rafael listening to you talk about how you are in love with him

Imagine Rafael listening to you talk about how you are in love with him

You looked up cautiously into the mirror, biting your lip,knowing that both Rafael and Liv were watching you from the other side. Then you turned back to the fourteen year old girl sitting in front of you who was bawling her eyes out and you sighed sympathetically at her pain.

Her name was Rachel and she had been groomed by a thirty year old pimp and had subsequently run away from home leading to the SVU investigation when her parents reported her missing. Like many girls in her situation she truly believed that the bastard loved her and was unwilling to testify against him. Your lieutenant has ordered you to convince her otherwise as you were the youngest female detective on the squad and she felt that you would relate to her more. With the backing of your secret boyfriend ADA Rafael Barba who said who said you were the best detective to deal with a hormonal teenage girl in his usual sarcastic way.

“But he loves me.” She claimed for the umpteenth time.

“Sweetie,” you reasoned, “People don’t ask people they love to sleep with their friends for money.”

"It was only a one time thing.” She cried.

“Yeah until the next time.” you pointed out.

“He said…he said…” She sobbed

“That he loved you. That you were going to get married,have kids and live fairytale life for the rest of it.” you continued for her.

“Yeah…how did you…” She wailed.

“Do you know how many girls like you I’ve met? They all say the same things. Listen to me. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll find the person you’ll marry when you’re fourteen. Even if you did they wouldn’t ask you to do what the bastard did. You’ve got your whole life to find that person. You can’t find the person who’ll spend your whole life with when you don’t know who you are yourself.“ You explained sympathetically.

“But I thought I loved him and he loved me.” she cried.

“Do you even know what love is? Like really what it’s like.” you questioned attempting a different way of getting through to her.

“He told me it was doing whatever he said and not complaining afterwards.” she admitted sadly.

“I think you already know thats not whats it’s like.” you commented.

“How could he do this to me?” she cried once again.

“It’s because he only wanted to use you.” You pleaded.

“I want him to die.” she exclaimed.

“Will you testify?” you asked hopefully.

“Yes, anything to get him put away.” she agreed.

“You’re making the right decision.” she sighed giving the signal to Lib through the glass so she go ahead with arresting him.

You turned back round assuming that everyone had gone now.

“It’s all over now. You’ll be okay in time. Is their anything else you need?” you offered.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asked.
“Of course. Anything.” you agreed immediately.

“How do you know when you are in love? So I don’t make this mistake again.” she asked looking up at you.

You thought about Rafael and the moment you knew you were in love with him. It’s when you introduced him to your only living family member and one of the most important people in your life. Your little brother. You introduced them at your place at dinner one night. You had prepped your brother beforehand ordering him to not embarrass you and emphasising how important this was to you. They completely hit it off however and you are certain at one point you think that they completely forgot you were their. Watching them from the other side of the table and how they were interacting you knew you’d fallen for him. No other boyfriend had embraced your role as your brothers guardian only seeing it as an obstacle but not Rafael. You hadn’t actually told him that yet though. You didn’t want to scare him off.

“Well,” you began looking momentarily at the mirror, “ it’s hard to explain. It’s a feeling and if your not in love you won’t ever know what its like. In the simplest terms I guess it just wanting to see them every day. Not wanting to say goodbye to the. It’s this all consuming feeling that somehow slips into your life so effortlessly it’s like you’ve always felt that way. It’s getting to know someone and not just their favourite band or whatever but their soul. Their fears and what they want out of life. You just look at them and your first thought always is how lucky you are to have them. That’s how you know you are in love.”

“Are you in love?” she questioned.

“Most definitely.” you answered honestly assuming that nobody was watching you two anymore.

“What’s he like?” she probed further.

“He’s the most complete absolute asshole I know. He’s rude, abrasive and so sarcastic. He is the worst sort of hard-ass. But he’s also the biggest mommas boy and softy I’ve ever met. He’s sweet and kind and super flirty which keeps me on my toes. All he wants to do is help people despite what he might tell you. He’s the only person who could insult me all day and then tell me how beautiful I am at night when we are alone. He makes me feel happy and loved which is something I‘ve wanted my whole life. He’s the perfect guy to handle my problematic ass. I love him with everything I’ve got.” you described happily.

“I don’t feel that way” she admitted sadly.

“You will. One day.” you smiled.

“Thank you detective. For everything.” she thanked.

“Call me Y/N. It’s alright. I’m going to get your parents now, okay?” you asked.

“Yeah. Yeah.” she smiled.

You walked out the other door, let her parents in and then walked round into the interrogation hallway. You thought that it would empty but you saw Rafael standing their watching the girl with her through the glass.

“Oh, I thought you had left.” you commented awkwardly.

“I didn’t.” he answered.

“So, I guess you heard everything then.” you sighed slightly embarrassed.

“Hmm.” he replied.

A awkward silence fell over you both. Then you both went to speak at the same time and then you both stopped seeing that. You laughed shyly.

“You go first.” you offered.

“I was going to say that I feel the same way.” he said finally looking at you.

“What?” you asked surprised.

“I feel the same way.” he repeated moving so he was now right in front of you.

You went to speak but he stopped you. You knew he wan’t going to do anything as you were both at work and didn’t want to alert anyone.

“I’ll see you tonight.” he whispered leaning in brushing his face against yours for a few seconds.

With that he walked away leaving you smiling, shaking you head and completely in love as watched him leave.

anonymous asked:

The Westboro Baptist Church is going to picket Ed Sheeran's concert on the 29th. :/

Yeah, a few of them show up for every concert at the Sprint Center. They’ve picketed Ed’s events there before. They only stay for a few minutes to try to rile people up, and then they leave.

Here’s the thing to remember about this hate group: They do these “protests” to make money. They make money by trying to get you to lose your temper and do something they can sue you for. That’s literally all this scam is. The entire group is made up of members of the same family - there’s about 70 of them in all - and it was founded by a lawyer (who was disbarred for lack of ethics) who went on to convince 11 of his children to become lawyers as well. They apply for protest permits, and if a city refuses, they sue. If the police refuse to protect them, they sue. If you get mad and punch one of them, they sue. If you attack them verbally, they sue. And they win thousands of dollars off of these civil cases every year, enough to pay the whole family to keep doing it. And since they’ve labeled themselves a religious group, they’re classified as non-profit and get tax breaks like real churches. It’s a sick way of playing the system, but they don’t actually believe the stuff they’re saying; they just say it because using offensive slurs and telling you that God hates you is statistically the best nonviolent way to get you to attack them, and then they can take your money by claiming their first amendment rights. 

The best thing we as citizens can do about these people is make it unprofitable for them to continue what they’re doing, which means ignore the shit out of them. If you attend an event they’re picketing, walk by and don’t even look at them. If you call out to them or try to make them mad by flaunting whatever it is they’re protesting against at the time (usually it’s homosexuality, but sometimes it’s patriotism or support of the military or some other hot-button issue), it’s not really going to bother them because they don’t actually care about the things they protest – they just do it because they know YOU care – and you may end up causing a scene in which someone could end up getting sued. Which just benefits them. In fact, it’s better not to even talk about the fact that these people are going to show up somewhere, because if people know they’re going to show up, they might try to plan some way to piss them off, and that’s just falling for the scam. That’s why Westboro posts their picket schedule online. They want you to know where they’ll be, and they want you to get upset over it because then you’re more likely to react in a way that could make them some money. They’re just playing you. They’re real life trolls. 

I will tell you one thing about them that’s kind of amusing, though… A couple of years ago, they called Ed a “baby-faced pimp.” How funny is that? Baby-faced pimp! I can’t think about that without grinning. xD

Kisses Cost Extra- Chapter 2

I said I wouldn’t release today and here I am….giving in. Chapter two coming at you…….


Callie was carrying her last stack of boxes up the stairs when she looked and saw her friend Jeremy sitting on a chair typing on his phone. She rolled her eyes, he was supposed to be helping her but he seemed to be on his phone more than carrying anything today. Which wasn’t necessarily true, but she was becoming increasingly cranky as the day went along and she needed someone to blame. Moving was giving her some anxiety and now that she was here, she was starting to panic a little.

But she vowed she was going to get it right this time. This move. This was it, Callie had moved across the country, deciding a fresh start was just what she needed. She had left behind family, some good friends, some good enemies and of course, her girlfriend.

Ex girlfriend to be exact. She hated that prefix. Ex. It made things seem so final and so….incomplete again. Callie felt like she had a lifetime of failures and her latest breakup was just another one of those.

But this time she was going to get it right, the new job, new city, new apartment everything was new. She wasn’t going to do anything to screw it up, she was going to throw herself into her work and there was no way she was going to allow herself to date for at least….one year. No, that probably wouldn’t work, even she could admit that, but she wasn’t going to let herself fall in love.

“Hey! I’m not paying you to be on your phone!” She said dropping the boxes by the door and heaving out a loud breath. She dropped her head and put her hands on her knees, she was exhausted and was wondering why she hadn’t hired someone to move for her. This was stupid.

“You’re not paying me anything,” he said continuing to type into his phone without looking up at her.

“You got that right, not with you sitting all day.”

“Please, I’ve carried boxes all afternoon, and you know it. Besides my friend Teddy was sending me a new client that needs a date for the weekend and I just wanted to get a jump on it,” he was looking at his phone then back up at Callie then back at his phone and made a strange face.

“Are you still doing that job? Is that even considered a job? I mean if you’re filling out an application what do you put? Pimp? What was the point of you workin for my dad all those years if now this is what you are doing?”

“I am not a pimp and you know it, and I have a very large clientele now of people that use me. And I will forever be grateful to your dad for helping me out,” he stared at her and wondered how to approach this, it was going to be tough, and he would have to do it just right so she didn’t freak.

“I mean who hires you? Like this one that just came in, what is it?”

“It’s a female doctor here in town, she has to go to a wedding for the weekend and needs a date, it’s her ex and she wants someone to take that will make an impression. She doesn’t have time to date because she is a surgeon, I’m sure you know what that’s like, and she is looking for someone to show up with that will be beautiful and wow the crowd, so to speak.”

“Okay, so she’s looking for a date, what is she looking for?”

“Tall, dark, smart, wants the person to carry on a conversation, you know…the normal sort of person,” he said and waited a moment, “oh and it has to be a woman.”

He waited as he saw her wheels turn, he knew what she was thinking.

“She wants a woman?”

“Apparently.”

“Hmm,” she picked up the boxes she had sat down and carried them into her apartment.

“You know….oh nah,” he called and grabbed the boxes he had by the door and brought them in.

“What? Were you going to suggest I go out with this woman?”

“What!? Why would I suggest that?” He feigned innocence but she knew better.

“I am not going to go on a date with this woman.”

“No one said you had to. And it’s not a date, it’s an arrangement.”

“Nope, I know what you’re trying to do and the answer is no,” she pushed her couch over and grabbed the cushions that were in the box next to it, arranging them.

“I’m not trying to do anything, you just think I am. She asked for a woman, raven hair, brown eyes, tall, smart, curves were important.”

“Wait. Curves?” She stopped moving the pillows and looked up at him and he nodded. “No way,” she shook him off and walked into her bedroom with a box marked kitchen. A few seconds later she came out with a purpose and looked at him. Then walked back in her room again.

“I’ll pay you $3000, she shows up Friday afternoon, drives you up, separate bedrooms, and she brings you home Sunday afternoon.”

“$3000?! That's….damn that’s a lot of money,” she came back out and sat at her counter in the kitchen. “No way, I don’t need the money,” she got up and went back to the hallway grabbing boxes marked bathroom and dropping them in the kitchen. He had her rattled, he could tell.

“It’s at a gorgeous winery up north, they have amazing wine and you get to hang out with a beautiful blonde all weekend.”

“Wait, how do you know what she looks like?”

“She submitted a picture,” he showed her his phone, and saw her face change as she looked at it.

“Damn,” she whispered staring at the beautiful blonde with blue eyes. “Wait, what’s wrong with her? No one that beautiful is single.”

“Teddy is roommates with her, they both work at the hospital. She said Arizona is very nice, she just got the invitation today and doesn’t want to show up alone, this being her ex and all. So Teddy suggested she use my services since I could find her someone suitable in time. So what do you say? You want to go with her this weekend? Honestly you’d be doing me a favor because where else am I going to find….well, you. She basically described her perfect woman as Callie Torres.”

Callie looked at Jeremy very skeptically. Should she do it? She was new to the area, hadn’t made any friends yet and she had nothing to do for the weekend. It could be fun, getting dressed up and going to a wedding with a beautiful woman and drinking amazing wine, let alone the fact she was going to get paid some good cash to do it.

“What if she’s a real psycho?” Callie finally asked after she had been staring at the picture.

“I do a background check on everyone and I’ll even call Teddy and ask some questions if you want. Come on, seriously Callie, you would be doing me such a solid here and who knows, you might have fun. Besides you still owe me for getting you out of that mess in Vegas and not telling your dad!”

Callie chewed on her lip as she considered it again. This was crazy, just the sort of crazy things she always did and got herself into trouble. She was always getting caught doing the dumbest things, and this would be right up there. And he was right about Vegas….she did still owe him for that.

“I’ll do it,” she told him and grabbed a piece of paper. “Okay give me all the details.”

Xxxxxxx

“Arizona!!! Jeremy found you someone and damn girl….she is hot!!” Teddy yelled at her roommate who came scrambling out of her room, trying not to look too desperate but really excited to see just who Teddy’s friend had found her.

She stared at the computer screen. Well yeah, that’ll work was all she could think. Teddy glanced up at her friend and saw a slight flush grow over her then gave Arizona a little smirk. She could tell Arizona approved of her.

“Damn…um, well yeah, that’s ummm, good. What’s her name?”

Xxxxxxxx

“Hold still I have to take a picture of you,” Jeremy was yelling at Callie but she was avoiding him with her hands up in front of her face and running from him.

“Oh hell no! I’ve been carrying boxes all day, I’m dirty and sweaty and gross, and I have no makeup on. Can I forward you a pic,” she grabbed her phone off the table and started to open it and saw she had eight missed text messages from her parents and sister.

“What? No one cares that you have been working all day, just let me get this.”

“I’m not kidding, don’t do it,” she waved her finger in his face then started to scroll through some of her recent selfies. “Ah! There, this one is perfect, I’m even showing a little cleavage in it,” she smiled and sent the picture to him, it was one of her on the beach over the summer, she had a bikini on, was very tan, sunglasses and she had to admit, she looked hot in the picture. She had been with her ex on vacation, and looking at the picture made her sigh.

“Okay yeah that’s good,” he said uploading the picture. “Alrighty, name?” He asked and started to type.

“Wait! ….what if she is nuts and I don’t want her to find me after. Do I have to use my real name? Can I use a fake name, or do I have to use my actual name?”

“You don’t have to use your real name, if you don’t want to.”

“Okay then, ummm how about Calliope Taurus? That’s good right?”

“Sure,” he said typing in the name and rolling his eyes.

Xxxxxxxx

“Calliope Taurus,” Teddy told her and Arizona scrunched up her face.

“What kind of name is Calliope? It sounds like a stripper,” Arizona asked looking at the picture of the woman on the screen again. She appeared to be at the beach, she was smiling and had on sunglasses in the picture making it hard to see her entire face. “Scoot over,” Arizona shoved Teddy out of the chair and sat down looking closely at the picture. “What’s that in the background?” She asked shoving her face right up to the screen.

“What? I don’t see anything,” Teddy told her noticing what she was seeing, there was definitely a strip club in the background.

“There! Right there! What’s that say? Big Toni’s? Does that say Big Toni’s? It does! Oh my god she is a stripper!”

“Arizona! She is not!”

“Look right here, It says Big Toni’s and there is a half naked woman on the banner! Thursday night is free wing night. Oh my god she’s not even a good stripper, she works at one of those places with free wings. Call and cancel!” She spun the chair around in a panic.

Xxxxxx

“Okay this might make you a little self conscious but we need some specs about you. I’m going to ask you some questions and you answer them. First question is age.”

“34,” she told him as she picked up her new kitchen and answers his questions that he fired at her.

“Occupation?”

Xxxxxxxxx

“This says she is…a consultant,” Arizona looked at the screen as she read about her date. “Consultant? What does she consult on?”

“I could ask him if you want,” teddy was now kicking herself for this. She had somehow gotten drug into Arizona’s personal life, something she normally stayed away from. They had been living together for long enough and seen enough women coming and going over the years to not question her roommate or her choices but it had become very apparent early on the woman wasn’t looking for any sort of commitment. But now she found herself in the thick of things with her as they tried to navigate the weekend.

“Want,” Arizona nodded.

Xxxxxxxx

“She wants to know what you consult on. I told you that wasn’t going to work.”

“Well I didn’t want to say I was a doctor since she is a doctor, what if she looks me up?”

“Why do you keep assuming she is crazy?”

“No one else would use this service. Only crazy people would.”

“Then why would you agree to it?” Callie shrugged and thought about it for a second.

“I’m a glutton for punishment. And you brought up Vegas again which always makes me cringe.”

“Seriously we need an actual occupation for you.”

“Hmmm…”

Xxxxxxx

“Teddy!” Yelled at her friend as she looked at her phone. “Did you know that if you google “things to put on your resume if you’re a stripper” the first response is “consultant”! Email him now and cancel.” She said smacking her friend on the arm.

“One, stop hitting me. And two, why?”

“What do you mean why? I’m not this person! I can’t go away for a weekend with a stripper! Especially if it’s for Kate! What if someone recognizes her!”

“Hey! Seriously so what if she is a stripper, it’s a profession and a legitimate one, and honestly that picture of her, she is hot. Are you telling me right now that you wouldn’t want to get a lap dance from that this weekend?” Teddy said Pointing at the screen. Arizona looked back at the screen at the beautiful woman staring back at her.

Xxxxxxxx

“Just leave it as consultant for now, I’ll cross that path later. Tell her I’ll be waiting Friday, but where should I have her pick me up? I don’t want her coming here, I should meet her somewhere. How about the airport that way I can leave my car there.”

“Okay I’ll tell her.”

Xxxxxxx

“Pick her up at the airport? What? I mean….the airport? Oh my god, because it’s right by the strip clubs, she is an airport-free-wing-Thursday stripper. This is what I’m doing now, I’m going away with this woman. Like this is my new normal now,” Arizona walked away from the room and slammed her bedroom door.

Teddy stared at her friend and the door shut before she looked back at the screen. She was really pretty, there was no question about that.

Imagine realising that Mike likes you back

(A/N: For Anon, I hope you enjoy this. Sorry for the wait and sorry if this is a mess. I’ve rewritten it so many times and I liked this version better than my other and I didn’t want you guys to stay waiting even longer for something. So sorry if this is bad) 

Imagine realizing that Mike likes you back

Loads of people developed crushes on their superiors, well that was what you kept telling yourself. It wasn’t like you could help it. He was nice, sweet, respectable and attractive. What could you do? Nothing, and that’s what you did. You kept your feelings a secret because there was no chance that he liked you, the way you liked him. And you were great at acting like you had no romantic feelings towards him, maybe too great.

And you kept the act up…well, until everything changed.

“You know he only does that because he likes you,” Sonny commented casually, turning away from the two-way glass and looking away from your Sarge interrogating someone.

“He what?” You spluttered in response, completely taken aback to the point where you had to turn around and face him just so you could lean on the small shelf by the glass.

“The Sarge has a crush on you, Y/N,” He repeated, gesturing through the glass at said Sergeant, Sergeant Mike Dodds.

“That one?” You asked, pointing at him through the glass.

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date night is their most cherished brotivity. They will try to out gross each other with their wooing skills and the bro with the most romantic dates executed by the end of the year wins.