I’ve got a 101.5 degree fever and I keep on thinking like,,, what if Matt and Neil get on the same pro team. (I say, needing to finish up the ghost au and fill @mac-noa‘s prompt. i’ll get on that when I’m feeling better this is just entirely self-indulgent)
Matt hears Neil is transferring to his team and does a happy dance bc that’s his bro son
He offers to share his flat w/ Neil bc Dan is coaching another team farther away and so he lives alone in a place that two people could share
And Neil is like “Sure!” bc that’s his bro dad
And suddenly 90% of all of Matt’s social media is pictures of Neil Josten
“He’s so pretty today"
"Look at Neil he’s so great he won us today’s game!!!“
I dunno, bro, I’d say that I exist, but only as, like, a necessary entity that’s completely irrelevant to the narrative. Every team needs a goalie, right? Yeah, like, dude. I’m, like, brimming with potential characterization? But it’s totally at the cost of diluting the portrayal of you main character bros. And while zany side-characters are momentarily entertaining, we’re forgettable–cardboard–more 2–dimensional than the pixels of which we’re comprised. But yeah, I’m like, a senior who’s graduating this year and I’m probs totes gonna be replaced by a new, freshly developed character in later chapters of the story.
Other than that, my hobbies include working out, watching sports, and breaking the fourth wall.
I know Jo is quoted as saying "any latent wizarding genes would never survive contact with Uncle Vernon’s DNA." but consider:
* Dudley nervously approaches Harry at Aunt Petunia’s funeral for the first time in nearly 20 years to express some “concerns” about his infant daughter and why every nanny they hire quits within the week. Harry tries to brush off his suspicions as it’s “probably just because she’s your kid, Dudders.” and the two leave the event on friendlier terms.
* Over a year later, word makes it to the Potter household in the form of an annual Christmas Card: Things are going well for the Dursleys, but they still have never found a sitter who can handle the toddler’s various happenings. Of course, it’s probably nothing, “she’s just a handful like her old man” quotes Dudley proudly. Ginny nudges rather forcefully Harry and he reluctantly writes back, “Little Whinging isn’t much distance, and Lily’d love to see her cousin more often…”
* Dudley and his wife find that the arrangement works wonderfully for keeping the child occupied during the day, but aren’t entirely impressed by the wizarding gag gifts sent home in their little one’s backpack courtesy of Ron, and there are at least two occasions when a stern note comes through the fireplace along with the girl.
* The year she turns 11, Daisy Dursley’s name appears on Professor McGonagall’s admissions list and she immediately relays this to Harry, who chuckles and thinks it only right that he give the news to Dudley’s family personally.
* Harry hears more from Dudley that first few months than he has since he was living under the stairs. Luckily, Hermione has mandated that Ministry employees have muggle phone lines in their offices. “Hufflepuff, good or bad? Is it the one for the smart kids? Atta girl.” “What do the bloody owls eat?” “The Keeper’s mostly like a goalie, yeah?” “What’re her options for post-secondary. I’ll not have my child in any less than the best uni, you know.” Harry believes he’s being mocked at first, but the messages get more and more earnest.
* The Dursley home is perfectly normal, but friends and neighbors report an oddly large bird bath right off the back porch (dreadfully against the homeowner’s associations rules, mind you) and a number of strange unfurled scrolls pinned to the refrigerator with magnets. “An American school, my Daisy’s in! You’d know nothing of the lessons – in fact I hardly grasp the subject matter myself, although I daresay I’ve made an effort” a tipsy Dudley has been known to announce to house guests.
* Daisy sends home owls more frequently than most Hogwarts students, and once she reaches her third year, she makes sure to include Honeydukes sweets in as many letters as she can. They aren’t the best for Dudley’s diet, but he always sneaks a taste. His chocolate frog card collection is actually quite impressive by the end of her fifth year.
* Lily and Daisy visit Hagrid nearly twice a week, rain or shine. Daisy always brings him extra pasties and sweet rolls from the kitchen, right near her common room. “And yeh’re dad had sprouted a true pig’s tail, Daisy, right from his rear! Sure didn’t think he’d manage a fix for that before his school year started back up, y’might note – it was already the end of July!” She cackles as he tells her favorite story for the dozenth time this year.
* Daisy Dursley, Lily Potter, and Hugo Granger-Weasley are inseparable. The two girls are cousins but are closer than sisters and the running joke is that the two flowers sprouted from the same garden, and gangly Hugo is the scarecrow. Everyone knows not to tease the trio or else they face the wrath of Rose Granger-Weasley, the most popular and probably the most terrifying girl in school. Daisy and Lily have inherited the bond that Lily I and Petunia never were able to reclaim, thanks to Harry and Dudley swallowing their pride.
* Vernon Dursley becomes senile in his older years. Although he still voices a stern hate for “magic tricks” and “nonsense delusions,” he dotes on Daisy just as Dudley does and commends her for getting the best grades in “loony school.”
* Daisy Dursley graduates from Hogwarts with fabulous scores on her OWLs and NEWTs, and no one cheers louder for her than the Potters and Weasleys in the crowd. The Dursley family is there as well. They tried to dress in appropriate wizard attire, but ended up in what looks like cheesy halloween costumes. Luckily, it’s only half as embarrassing as Arthur Weasley’s muggle outfit he put together to welcome them at the Burrow for the graduation party…
“Hitting goalies in particular is a HUGE taboo because they are in such a vulnerable position and it is already illegal to hit them when they’re in their crease. Goalies are an exceptional case. Basically rule #1 in the world of hockey is you do NOT fuck with the goalie. Their equipment is awkward, their crouch to be in position can be dangerous, and most importantly, they are watching the puck. They are not ready for hits, so it would be so easy to blindside them and really hurt them. It is VERY easy to injure goalies on contact and they’re such crucial members of the team that if they get hurt your season can get seriously fucked. See the Montreal Canadiens this year :( . So yeah, goalies get special treatment because it takes a whole new level of crazy to make anyone stand in front of huge dudes and block 8oz of rubber going at 100km/hour.”
aka don’t touch the goalie!!! and kent did that (even if he didn’t mean to intentionally)…and it reeeeally pissed off the falconers!